Chapter 3: Severus

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Severus thought, berating himself silently.

Of all the outcomes he could have imagined, this was definitely not one of them. How many times had he gone over this scene in his head? How many nights had he distracted himself with thoughts of the first time he would finally meet the spirited witch? One thing was for sure, in his head, none of them had been this mortifying. None had gone this horribly wrong.

He imagined Lily's reaction to be one of, what? Excitement? Happiness? Relief? Understanding? Maybe all of the above. But he wasn't prepared for the disdain. Those eyes with their piercing glare. Gods how she looked at him! It was like she hated him. Those eyes that shot daggers right through him, like they could reach through his chest and strangle his heart. It certainly felt that way, he thought miserably. His chest felt incredibly tight and it was hard to breathe with those eyes penetrating his soul.

Gods what was he doing here?

He almost hadn't come. He felt foolish. Of course she wouldn't come. Severus should have been big enough to admit that, especially judging from the events of yesterday. He should have known that she would stay away. But, for some God forsaken reason, he dared to hope.

This morning he had mulled it over in his head as he lay on his lumpy mattress in the attic. He thought about just hiding away until his father left for work when he would be free, once again, to loom about the house. He wondered if waking Tobias could be worth the risk after what happened between them the other day. He almost couldn't bring himself to move. But then, he thought about the look on Lily's face if she, by some miracle, showed up and he wasn't there to greet her. That had been enough for him to make up his mind. As it was, his window of opportunity was drastically shortening with each fleeting moment of internal debate.

He bolted upright in bed, overtaken by a brief moment of panic. He tossed the thinning sheet off himself and dressed quickly but silently. He ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame some of the wildness that settled there from years of neglect, and then crept carefully down the stairs.

Once Severus had a sweeping view of the main floor, his heart gave a sickening lurch at the sight of Tobias lying passed out on the tiny sofa. It appeared he hadn't made it to the bedroom after last night's ramification. His arm lay across his face causing him to snore louder than usual and, cradled in his other hand, a mostly empty bottle of booze stood on the floor, his harsh fingers laying gingerly at its neck.

Severus, though in a hurry, took his time crossing the room with muted care. He made it as far as the door and had already unlatched it quietly when something made him look back. He stared at the great lump that was Tobias for several moments. Inside, a war rampaged, brewing just below the surface of his skin, as he struggled between what was right and what was easy.

Severus clenched his hands into tight fists and tossed his head back in silent frustration, evidently coming to a conclusion he didn't much care for. His black eyes lingered on the near-empty bottle of booze, sizzling wickedly at him from across the room, then to his father's fingers pressed softly against the neck of the bottle.

The picture before him was one of deception. It was far too easy for Severus to remember how rough those fingers were. How much strength was encased inside them. How easily they could cut into the delicate flesh of his throat, crushing it to the point of suffocation. It only served as a reminder that he took the backseat when it came to Tobias and his drink. Those fingers caressing the glass as though it were a fragile baby bird-

-bat-

-and something far more precious to him than Severus ever could be.

It took him several moments to find his feet again and several more to get them to obey his commands. Severus swallowed hard and then stalked timidly towards his father's massive frame. This was a delicate procedure, and the utmost care needed to be taken to guarantee success. One step. Two steps. Three, and then five more, each more cautious than the last until he was standing right in front of the large man, snoring boorishly on the sofa.

Severus bent down low, afraid that even the shifting of his clothes against his body would be enough to waken the sleeping behemoth. He grasped the bottle at it's base, picked it up the tiniest width off the floor so it wouldn't give him away and set about trying to remove it from the pads of Tobias's fingers. Luckily, the grip was loose and with the patient precision of a doctor performing surgery Severus successfully removed the bottle from Tobias's hand. He slowly let out a stunted breath he didn't realize he had been holding and crossed back into the kitchen as fluidly as he had come.

There may not have been a lot left in the bottle, but it was enough for Severus to risk obtaining it...for his mother's sake. He tipped the bottle directly over the drain and emptied it straight into the sink, shaking out the last few drops. He wondered briefly if he should try putting it back where he found it, but decided it was too dangerous. He compromised by setting the bottle down beside the sofa, but well out of his father's reach. He was probably too drunk to notice that he had moved it in the first place, and he would assume that he finished what was left in the bottle before he passed out. This way, if Tobias woke up still drunk, he couldn't draw out his intoxication which could potentially spare Eileen a few moments morning peril. Satisfied, but desperate to depart, Severus stepped out into the early light of day and into freedom.

Now, as he stood waiting at the shoreline of the river for a girl who hated him, and more than likely wasn't going to show up anyway, he had to wonder if any of it had been worth it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Severus threw a rock into the river as hard as he could in frustration, continuing to throw the remaining stones collected in his fist. Each throw stopping shorter than the last as he became more and more defeated, until the final stone nose-dived at his feet.

She's not coming, he decided.

He still didn't know why he refused to admit the reality of it earlier. He supposed somewhere deep down he still held onto a little bit of hope. He felt thick and his sallow face started to flush with embarrassment, the color creeping higher in his cheeks. Maybe his father was right about him after all. He turned to go, his fists taking their usual refuge inside his massive pockets.

"You're not leaving are you?"

Severus whipped around to see Lily Evans standing there in a baby blue floral sundress and dirty sandals. She was carrying a small package wrapped in a plain white dishcloth which she held suspended in front of her by the knot in which it was tied. Her face appeared round and wary under the flock of vibrant red hair, hardly visible from this distance. Evidently she was still suspicious of the boy in front of her, preferring to keep considerable distance between the two of them.

"Oh...I- I mean...I guess...didn't expect...didn't know you were coming," Severus stammered nervously. His hands were wringing in front of him and he didn't dare look the girl in the eye, preferring to keep his gaze on his restless hands.

Lily considered him for a moment and then, noticing his nervousness, relaxed her stance a little, her shoulders slumping down to their natural position instead of drawn up by her ears.

"Snape-" Lily started.

"Severus," he replied automatically.

"Severus?" Lily repeated carefully as though evaluating the way his name felt on her tongue. "That's a strange name," she stated bluntly. What little color had been left from his previous embarrassment drained, leaving him white and translucent.

"Is it? Well-my mum, you know...family name," he finished lamely.

"I still don't know if I should trust you," Lily replied ignoring his response about the name. Whether it was from kindness or superiority he couldn't tell. "Tuney said I shouldn't have come. Tuney says you're lying to me so I'll be your friend. If you are lying to me then I want you to know I think you're horrible." Color was rising in her cheeks now, as she hollered across the distance still separating them.

"No! I'm not!" said Severus desperately. "You're a witch! It's not something to be afraid of! You're not like most kids around here, you're like me! You're special! We're special!"

"I don't know if I believe you," she said again, quieter this time.

"Then why did you come?" Severus asked angrily. If she came all the way out here just to mock him then she could figure it out on her own-

A few moments silence passed between them as Lily seemed to think on her response. It seemed Severus had caught her off guard.

"I-" she faltered. "Because-"

He turned to leave again, stuffing his hands back inside his pockets bitterly.

"Because- I believe you!" she called after him in a rush. The revelation hung heavy between them as Severus took in her words, her voice dying on the breeze. She had taken a few hurried steps towards him in her desperation, not allowing him to leave without her. Neither one of them moved or spoke.

"I believe you OK?" Lily said again, breaking the silence. "I tried not to, Tuney said I'll regret it and that I was stupid if I did. But-" she trailed off. "What you said made sense."

Severus turned around to find Lily staring at him imploringly, her green eyes no longer full of fear and distrust but of hunger and determination. He supposed he could understand her desperation. He had never had the truth hidden from him and it was a hard truth to come to terms with, he reasoned.

"Come on then," he told her as he continued to walk in the opposite direction.

"Wait!" Lily called, closing the distance between herself and Severus in a few hurried strides, staggering as her feet slipped on the wet uneven ground. "Where are you going? I thought we were going to talk."

"We are," Severus answered patiently, "Just not here.

Lily sped up until she passed Severus who continued to walk casually down the bank. Spinning around she confronted him hands on hips, creating a barricade with her body. "Why not?" she demanded.

Severus looked mildly affronted. "Because we're not supposed to. It's against Wizarding law." Lily continued to look at him impatiently. He sighed, "the Ministry of Magic has laws, just like the Muggles have. We can't do magic in front of Muggles and we can't talk about our world in front of Muggles. You could risk getting put in Azkaban for breaking the Statute of Secrecy. We have to go someplace we won't be heard."

Lily's face had wrinkled in confusion at the word 'Azkaban'. "What's-"

"Not here," Severus hissed. He looked around the banks of the river to make sure that they were indeed still alone. "I promise I'll answer all your questions, you just have to wait a little longer. I know a place we can go." He turned his mouth into what he hoped was a convincing smile.

Lily looked like the last thing she wanted to do was go wandering off in the middle of nowhere with a boy she hardly knew. She glanced around apprehensively, taking in the sight of the enormous river and then the woods that wrapped themselves around town. She was clearly struggling to come to terms with what he was asking her to do.

"You mean, you want me to follow you to a place that only you know about in the middle of- God knows where, by myself when I've known you for five minutes?" Lily asked skeptically.

Severus shrugged as if to say 'I guess so' with a charming yet innocent lopsided smirk. Lily, who looked like she was doing this completely outside her better judgement, sighed heavily and stepped aside for Severus to continue leading the way.

They continued up the bank for quite some time. Severus occasionally glanced at Lily, trudging along in his wake, to make sure she was keeping up. The shoreline tapered off before it became steeper, no longer a gradual fusion of land and water. Instead of rocky banks and slick mud there was now lush green grass. The dirt said farewell to the shore as the land rose and they came to a fairly open field, a small thicket of trees poking out majestically in the small meadow.

Once they had ventured near the center of it, Severus veered off course and set off into the wood, following an invisible path with which he was well acquainted. Lily didn't ask questions but continued to follow him quietly. It didn't take long before they came to a clearing in the dense trees. Severus entered the clearing with Lily in tow and turned around watching her reproachfully, thus indicating their arrival.

Lily looked around cautiously, taking in her surroundings as though she were trying to commit them all to memory. Her fingers traced three deep gashes etched into a nearby tree, burnt black on the outside. Now that they were alone in the middle of the woods, Lily seemed to re-adopt some of her old suspicion. She looked defiantly at Severus.

"How do I know you are what you say you are?" she demanded.

"Are you asking for proof?" Severus responded smoothly.

Lily nodded. Severus tried to think of what he could do to convince Lily that he was indeed a wizard. Most of the wandless magic he knew were defensive spells and hexes, dangerous in a sense, and he didn't want to frighten her with some violent display of magic.

Well-

There was one thing he could do. He could do it for as long as he could remember. He was convinced that with age and practice he would continue to get better, but for right now it would have to do. It's all he could think of to convince Lily of his abilities without sending her screaming in the opposite direction.

He cleared his mind and black eyes locked with green. Lily shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, the intensity seemed to make her a little uneasy.

Two girls were fighting. No. Not just ordinary girls, but sisters. Lily's sister...the Muggle. He could see her in her fluffy pink dressing robe, hands on hips shrieking as though greatly offended by something. He could see, but not hear, as they squabbled. He didn't need to hear the shouts to know that this particular fight was a bad one, even for them. The expression on the Muggle sister's face was enough to tell him all he needed to know. A stab of anger hit, mixed with frustration. Trust and doubt intermingled, struggling for dominance. Worry, anxiety, fear, and anticipation.

Severus disconnected himself from Lily, he felt drained and he was panting slightly.

"You had a fight with your sister."

"How did you-"

"You're still upset about it."

"What did you do?" Lily asked in a small voice.

"I just get flashes sometimes. I can see things others have seen. Feel what they feel when they think about them."

"You can read minds?" Lily asked, amazed.

"I don't think it works like that exactly…" Severus said uncomfortably. Lily continued to look impressed as she gawked at the small dark haired wizard in front of her.

"Wait," she said suddenly, "so it was you that put that image in my head yesterday?"

"What image?" Severus asked confused.

"Yesterday after Tuney and I left the park, I had a vision of the bridge and the riverbank. It was how I knew where to find you"-

"Oh-I...if I did...didn't do it on purpose...I never…" Severus stammered nervously.

What did this mean? He had never sent an image to someone else before. At least, not that he knew of. As far as he could tell he was only a receiver.

Lily was still looking at him with excitement and awe. Severus wished she wouldn't, it was making him uncomfortable. He took a few backwards steps and then sat down against the nearest tree trunk. The effort of catching Lily's thoughts left him feeling physically weak and his head was starting to spin.

Lily walked over to where he sat and plunked herself down beside him. She was sitting cross legged, the dish towel package perched in her lap. She looked thoughtful.

"What's Azkaban?" she asked suddenly.

"What? Oh- right. It's the wizard prison."

"There's a wizard prison!" Lily asked enthusiastically.

"Well of course there's a wizard prison. They could just apparate out of a regular Muggle one couldn't they?. There ain't-"

Severus appeared to be struggling. He stopped abruptly, squeezing his eyes shut and backtracking to the beginning of his sentence.

"There is no regular prison that can hold a wizard."

"How do they keep them in there?" Lily asked curiously.

"There are all kinds of spells and enchantments around the place. Not only that but it's in the middle of the ocean, so no Muggles can get to it. Then there's the Dementors." Lily's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Dementors are really horrible creatures that feed off happiness," Severus explained. "They thrive in places like Azkaban. There are loads of them there." Lily shivered in disgust.

"That sounds awful." she said.

"Yeah, but only really dark wizards get sent there..." Severus sounded like he was half trying to convince himself of this.

"I'm hungry," Lily announced, if just to change the subject. "I brought some snacks." She indicated the wrapped parcel in her lap with a timid smile. "I wasn't sure how long I would be out for," she explained, "so I brought enough for the both of us."

Severus looked embarrassed. He looked at his hands fidgeting in his lap as some color crept up his neck. He didn't want Lily to know how hungry he was, and he also didn't wish to look too eager or pathetic in front of her. If Lily noticed his discomfort she pretended not to, which he was grateful for. He watched her unwrap her parcel from the dish towel, laying it out on the ground in front of them.

There were two sandwiches with corned beef, lettuce, tomato and mustard on fluffy brown bread. There were apples and oranges, ginger biscuits and sugar coated candies in different colors that Lily said were called 'Jelly Babies'. Severus had never seen so many wonderful things in one spread in his whole life. He felt self conscious as he looked over the assortment of goodies Lily brought, his hands clenched together nervously in his lap.

Severus hoped he wouldn't have to be the first to reach out and take something. The thought made him anxious and his stomach fluttered uncomfortably. But before he had time to really think about it, Lily had scooped up a sandwich and thrust it into his hands.

"Here," she said "eat, it'll help. You look like you're ready to pass out."

"Thanks," Severus said gratefully, taking a generous bite of sandwich. It was wonderful, Severus didn't get luxuries like fresh lettuce and tomatoes or even mustard for his bread. Such things were expensive and unnecessary according to his father. He noticed Lily eyeing him softly, but the moment his eyes met hers she looked back at her own sandwich, taking a small hurried bite as if she hadn't noticed him in the first place.

"So," she said to cover the awkwardness "when can I learn to read people's minds like you can?"

Severus swallowed his mouthful of sandwich.

"Oh-um," he started hesitantly "I-I don't know- but, if you're going to learn how to be a proper witch, you'll definitely be going to Hogwarts!" he said excitedly. "That's where my mum went, I'm sure that's where they'll send us too."

"What sort of place is Hogwarts?" Lily asked. "It sounds made-up," she said skeptically.

"No, no! It's where young witches and wizards go to get trained proper. It's a boarding school for magical folk. We should be getting our letters this summer!" Severus exclaimed. "You'll get your owl soon enough."

"What do you mean my owl?"

Lily casually handed Severus an orange as she took another bite of her sandwich, which he accepted absent-mindedly.

"Wizard post gets delivered by owl," he answered automatically, biting into the orange to loosen the bitter peel.

"It does not!" Lily giggled excitedly. "That's so cool! How will I know when it gets here?"

Severus smiled to himself at her growing enthusiasm.

"Post owls are magical. They're bred and trained to deliver post. They're very proud and value hard-work so, don't worry yourself too much. If they can't find a way to get your attention they won't go nowhere until the job is done," he replied confidently.

Severus popped a couple orange slices into his mouth, allowing the juice to fill his mouth and throat with the sweet citrusy flavor of a ripe summer orange. It was so refreshing in fact, that Severus didn't even think he needed a drink. It was just like having a swig of freshly squeezed orange juice. He swallowed with relish.

"I can't wait" Lily insisted in fascination. She paused, worry rearranging her features. "What if I don't get into Hogwarts? What if they say I'm not good enough?"

"Naw, I've seen the sort of stuff you can do. Believe me, with your abilities they'll let you in for sure," Severus assured her. Lily smiled to herself, finding solace in his words.

Once they had eaten their way through Lily's snacks, (Lily had insisted she wasn't that hungry, informing Severus that if he didn't eat the rest of it, it was just going to go to waste anyhow) they lay with their heads together, looking up into the canopy. Lily enjoyed listening to Severus talk about the Wizarding World and he had talked continuously for what felt like hours as they stared up at the clear summer sky.

"-I've read it's one of the most powerful potions to be discovered."

"I can't wait," Lily repeated closing her eyes and imagining brewing a potion that looked like molten gold. "Bottled good fortune. It sounds like a fairy tale."

"Yeah," Severus agreed, joining in on the fantasy. "It's supposed to be really difficult to brew though, and I read it's incredibly toxic in high doses."

Lily propped herself up on her elbows.

"What other things can you do Sev?"

Severus flushed a little. He found he really enjoyed the familiar way in which Lily used his name. It made him think about how comfortable she must have felt around him, and he found it oddly comforting coming from her lips. It made it seem like they were already good friends and not just casual acquaintances.

"Oh, well- my mum has mostly been teaching me defensive stuff," he replied quietly. Lily looked confused.

"What on earth for?" Lily turned to face him. "Sev, what do you need to use defense for?" Lily repeated sternly. She was glaring at him. He sat up, his back to her and said nothing.

He had said too much. He let his guard down, had gotten too comfortable, and now look what he'd done. He let slip more than he cared to share. He racked his brains for a way to get out of this mess. Something he could say to cover it up or play it off like it was no big deal. But, he must have taken too long to answer because Lily continued-

"Is your mum allowed to be teaching you things outside school?"

Severus clung to the opportunity to answer this question in the hopes that he wouldn't have to answer the first.

"It doesn't matter now, because we aren't in school yet. The Ministry won't come down on witches and wizards before they go to the first year of schoolin' because they ain't-"

Severus stopped himself and tried again, speaking more slowly this time.

"-because they don't have control over their magic yet." He looked at Lily and gave her a lopsided grin that he hoped was convincing enough to satisfy her.

She looked scrutinizing but decided to let the subject go, which Severus was extremely thankful for. Lily suddenly got up and crossed to the tree with the three black slashes in it, tracing them with her fingers as she did when they first arrived in the clearing. She turned to face Severus who had just gotten to his feet.

"I like it here, this could be our place," she stated. Severus crossed the clearing to join her at the damaged tree. She continued to stare at the marks. "You did that, didn't you?" she said, not really asking. Severus nodded. "Well then, I should make my mark too, don't you think?"

Lily closed her eyes and concentrated hard, trying to form a clear visual in her mind of what she wanted to appear. Nothing happened.

"Dark magic is sort of… different-" Severus said as he observed her effort. "It comes from a deeper place. You need to feel it. You know what I mean?"

Lily put the palm of her hand against the trunk.

"This time, let your emotions rule the magic," Severus instructed. "Don't just think it, really feel it."

Lily looked focused and driven, yet for a second time nothing happened. Her face fell in bitter disappointment.

"Sometimes it helps to think about something that'll make you angry," Severus suggested. "Anger is the easiest feeling to work with because it's powerful and easy to recognize."

Lily closed her eyes again. This time, whatever thought or memory she decided to use seemed to work, because the bark began to sizzle underneath her fingertips. Severus could smell the scent of burning wood as it assaulted his nostrils.

Lily pulled her hand away abruptly as though it had singed her. In the bark she left two dark lines connecting at the tips and forming a ninety degree angle. A capital letter "L". It wasn't nearly as deep as Severus's were, not even close, but it was enough to scar the wood. She stood back, visibly shaken but satisfied with the result.

"This could be our place…" she whispered.

A/N: If you liked what you read please review! I'd love to know if people are enjoying it so far or if there are some editing requirements that need tending to! Much love to you all ;)

*Minor re-editing*