"What were you thinking, sending a letter like that? I thought something had happened to you or Beau."
"I'm sorry Scarlett, I-"
"Have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?"
He paused at that, the ghost of a drowsy grin spreading across his face.
"What on earth are you smiling at?"
"Now we know the world has truly come to an end, when Scarlett O'Hara has come to appreciate literature."
"I can read," she huffed, "I did go to school, even if I did fail every subject. Well, except for math, that is. Pa was real proud of that, although Mother was horrified." Her eyes softened at the memory, the angry flush disappearing from her cheeks, and Ashley was heartened, but as he drew close, her brows slanted downwards and her eyes flashed hot and fierce.
"But what were you thinking, scaring me like that? Today's Susie's birthday and I had to leave in the middle of the party. Sue will never let me hear the end of that. The only one who was happy was Ella."
"I had to make sure you came back." His head was bowed and the back of his neck and ears were flushed. "And it appears that I was right on time," he mumbled. She frowned. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing, I'm just happy that you're here."
"How funny you are." She tugged at her cloak, sitting heavily in the nearest chair. He traced the lines of her face and body, taking in the windswept hair, the bloodshot eyes, and her overall bedraggled appearance.
"Scarlett, is there anything I could get for you?"
"Some tea would be nice; it was a long ride."
He nodded and made to leave, but as his slender frame moved past the doorframe, she called after him: "please tell your sister not to put any of that "cream" in mine. It's absolutely horrid."
"Is she still trying to poison me? I thought we had already moved past that," she muttered. Beau's silver stole into the room as quietly as a shadow, surveying her with big green eyes.
"So you're still here."
The feline blinked in response.
"What are we going to do about your master? The man can't even help himself."
The cat chirruped in agreement, rubbing its head against her ankles.
"Keep a close eye on him while I'm gone, won't you?" But Ashley was already back with two steaming mugs in hand. He handed one to Scarlett and with a quiet 'Thank you,' she focused her attentions on the hot, bitter drink and there was naught but the sound of rain and clinking china. After draining her cup, she all but tossed her cup into its saucer and he mirrored her movements, carefully placing his own down on the desk.
"Scarlett, I heard from Henry that-"
"Is that why you called me all the way out here?"
"No, but I was just-"
"Surprised? Why should anybody be surprised at this point? I'm sure even old lady Merriweather could see this coming from a mile away. He divorced me years ago; I just refused to accept it."
As he took in that determinedly offhand tone and cool, casual demeanor, his face fell into its familiar bitter lines.
"Scarlett, I don't think I've never admitted to, let alone apologized for, all the wrong I've done you."
"You don't need to apologize to me, Ashley. I think I've had about enough of apologies for a lifetime." He drooped like a wilted plant.
"Oh Ashley, I didn't mean it that way. It's just that, in some ways, I'm glad that it is finally over."
He spasmed at that, his hands dropping into his lap, as useless as any cripple's and she couldn't help but look at the man she had lied for, had burned bridges for. For the last seven years, so long as the mills were in order, food was on the table, and money deposited into Beau's college fund, she considered her promise fulfilled and didn't look at him anymore than she had to, but here now, she looked at him, really looked at him, and it was as if she were seeing him for the first time. It had been a cruel seven years: Melanie's death had all but extinguished the light from his eyes and sunshine from his hair. He was grey on grey now, a shadow of that shining knight who had bewitched her all those years ago. She stood, closing the distance between them.
"Ashley..."
And he smiled with that half-mocking, half-knowing grin. "I know what you must think of me Scarlett, losing myself in the bottle like some common drunk, but I don't drink to forget. I drink to remember. I drink because I am finally able to see things for what they are."
"This sin of my dishonesty...I carry it with me everyday. When Melanie was alive, I didn't have to think about these things; I could hide behind her and live the way I've always have, being drunk on dreams but now...everyday I think of what could have been. I think of how things could have been different if only I had been honest with you from the very start but instead, I had chosen to mislead you for I did mislead you, my dear. For years I told myself it was because I didn't want to hurt you and Melanie, but I knew, in the depths of my heart, that it was because I was too much of a coward to admit that I wanted you. But I do want to make one thing clear: for whatever it's worth, I did love you Scarlett, even if it wasn't the same kind of love I had for Melanie. I loved you but it destroyed us both. It destroyed us all."
"But can't you see, Ashley," she replied wearily. "It didn't matter even if you had. You belonged to someone else. From the day your engagement was announced, you were no longer mine and I should have steered clear from you, but I didn't. What a way to repay her for everything she did for the both of us." He ducked his head and she trudged back to her chair.
"I think I can finally understand what you and Rhett were saying all those years ago; what was it he said? A fish out of water? He always did have a way with words; you should have been there at his last, it was like listening to poetry, except I could understand it...but I do miss those days and I'm not talking about the old days. I don't miss that stupid girl, but I do miss that stupid woman, the one who was always looking to tomorrow as if it were the answer to everything. Yankees sniffing about the place, Wilkerson and that Slatterly wench nipping at my heels, that old ruffian trailing my skirts...I hated it then but now I'd trade that for all the peace in the world."
"I never thought I would hear you say that, you who only see the future."
"Perhaps I'm getting old." She smiled at the look of tender disbelief on his face. "It had to happen some time."
"The only one who looks the same is Careen. Dear, sweet Careen...it seems that all the good in Mother went to her."
"We both know that isn't true. All of these years, you were the only one holding us together, the only one who never gave up."
"Yes, yes. But hasn't it ever occurred to you that I look forward only because I have no choice? It was either that or die and I didn't have the luxury of dying; any fool can die, but living... that's hard."
She peered into her cup, at the sodden tea leaves.
"Wade's going to university next year."
"I know. He's become a fine young man; everyday he looks more like Charles."
"Everyone tells me that as if I remember how Charles looked like."
"And Ella, she looks so much like your mother now."
"Is that so? Now that's something I haven't heard from anyone before. She's always tripping over things, her own feet for the most part. I tried giving her dancing lessons once; the poor instructor was in tears by the end."
"But you should have heard Ella the other day, going on about some foolishness about seeing each other in the next life as if there is one...and even if there is one, how much do you want to bet it's just more of the same?
"She's a perceptive young lady; she's caught Beau and I off-guard more than a few times."
"I'm sure I don't know what all of that "perception" will amount to. The girl is doing about as poorly as I did in school and that's even with all of those tutors I hired."
She stood to leave. He was watching her with that curious gleam in his eyes and...was that relief that flitted across his face?
She returned his gaze with narrowed eyes.
"Ashley, are you sure everything is alright?"
"Of course. I-" He raised his palms up. "I'm just happy that you're home."
Home? Men are such strange creatures.
She sighed. "Well, if you need anything, you know where I live."
...
The sky had breathed a sigh of relief with Ashley Wilkes and with that came a downpour the likes of which Atlanta seen in years, if ever. Scarlett scowled at the heavens. "But the nerve of that man," she muttered as she pulled on her gloves, "calling on me like that and in the middle of a downpour!"
She sighed, looking up, and there was Ella with her skirts above her knees, balancing precariously on the trunk as she attempted to swing one leg over a rather wobbly branch.
"Ella Lorena, do you want the entire town to see under your skirts?! You get down this instant!"
With a startled yelp, Ella promptly fell out of the tree, landing on her rump with a loud thump. She was on her feet in an instant, holding her bottom with both hands.
"OWww," she whined.
Scarlett was by her side in a flash, taking her face in her hands, checking for any bumps or scratches. "Don't you remember your brother breaking his arm trying to climb that same tree?"
Ella struggled free from her mother's grasp and jerked her chin up, her lips thrust in the most defiant of pouts. "That won't happen to me. I'm a way better climber than he is."
"It doesn't matter; don't you ever do that again! If I even catch you near that tree again, I'll wear you out!"
"I'm sorry Mother," she mumbled. "But I was just so bored. What took you so long?"
"You know your Uncle Ashley; once he gets started, it's a miracle if you manage to get back in time for dinner. The man can talk all day and not say a thing...but where are we going to sleep tonight? I'm not staying in that wretched house a moment more-"
"We could stay at a hotel, Mother. There's one in the center of-"
"You wouldn't like it, dear. It's crawling with rats."
"No it isn't. Big brother and I went there once and-" but Scarlett was already walking away.
"Mother, wait for me!" she cried, huffing and puffing as she struggled to keep up. As soon as she was able to draw a full breath, she erupted in careless chatter, all previous mishaps forgotten:
"What are you going to be for Halloween?"
"Halloween is months away."
"I know but it's fun to think about. So what are you going to be, Mother?"
"I don't need a costume."
"Why not?"
"I'm already wearing one."
"No, you're not."
"But I am." Scarlett was peering into the night sky as she spoke, leaving Ella to ruminate about how weird adults were before she remembered to convey her all-important message: "Well, I'm going to be a princess. With a dress and a horse and everything! Beatrice says I ride about as well as Wade now, but I know I'm better," she said, squirming in pride, "he and Cousin Beau are scared to jump, but I'm not! I flew over that new fence Uncle Will made," she extended her arms, "like a bird."
Mother was watching her and smiling in that strange way again. "Be careful, Ella. Even the best riders make mistakes."
Scarlett stopped in her tracks and Ella did as well, cocking her head, "Mother?"
"I ought to get something for your brother."
"But didn't you give him Charles' sword?"
"Yes, but that has always belonged to him." She chewed on a hangnail, her brow furrowed in deep thought before finally relenting, shaking her head.
"I've never been good at giving presents, only at receiving them."
"That's not true. You gave him Fluffy."
"Who on earth is Fluffy?"
"How could you not remember Doggy?"
"Of course I remember, darling." Why did I ever buy all of those animals?
Draping one arm over Ella's narrow shoulders, Scarlett made her way back home.