Everybody and everything familiar belongs to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone. Sorry for the story-tease this week. Only I would resume posting at the same time the site's not working properly. :(

"I'll tell you the same thing I just told Eddie, Mare. I'm. Fine," I told my best friend, fully believing if I say it enough times, it'll eventually turn out to be true.

"You shouldn't be alone," she argued through the phone, "especially there."

"I cleaned myself up, the body's gone, and the living room received an emergency mini-overhaul thanks to Ranger. Rex and I just need a little time by ourselves and we'll be fine in no time at all."

"I don't like it ... I'm coming over."

If my face were in any mood to form a smile, it would have hearing her words. "You're more scared of my apartment than I am."

"I'll risk it so I don't have to stay up all night worrying about how you're doing."

She really is the best friend a person can have.

"If you stay here, you'll be up all night anyway jumping at every sound. Grandma Mazur said she'd stay with me ... I turned her down too. Ranger and Eddie both offered me their places to hide out at. I'll be okay. I promise to call if I'm not."

She hesitated. She really wants to believe me, but she still has a ton of doubts. "Are you sure?"

My eyes took in the eerily quiet apartment and I unfortunately absorbed the creepy feeling that always follows after someone has violated your personal space. I'm not sure about anything anymore, but Mary Lou doesn't need to know that.

"Yes," I answered, forcing as much normalcy as I could muster into that one syllable.

"Okay, but you'd better call me if you need me."

I crossed my fingers again as I lied to her a second time. "I promise I will."

With one last "Are you sure you're sure?" She left me alone to deal with the remnants of my wrecked night ... and life.

"We'll get through this, won't we?" I asked Rex.

I had to address his soup can, because after the shouting, smacking, and then shooting, he'd had enough of human drama and had retreated into his aluminum cave. He hasn't come back out that I've seen.

Talk about feeling all alone. Even my hamster is fed up with all the chaos I bring home with me. As tough as I talked, I didn't want to venture further into my place. Ranger had arranged a new couch swap-out for the blood-covered one I caused, but that still didn't make me want to head into my living room and see another mental replay of my shootout at this 'Not O.K. Corral'.

I hugged myself and glanced at the back of my front door. I have two choices. I can walk out of it and pretend none of this happened for another day or two, dragging my friends and family into the mess my head has become, or I can woman up and just deal with this myself.

I decided to compromise with me. I'll stay here and also just stay in the kitchen. If this room is comfy enough for Rex, it should be okay for me. Without even taking off my jacket, I put my back against my front door and slid down until my ass hit cracked linoleum. I curled my arms around my knees, rested my chin where they met, and kept my eyes on the ticking clock hanging on the wall … ready to literally count down the hours until the bakery is open and I'd have a legitimate reason to get out of here.

That had been my plan, but as usual … someone had different ones for me. I heard my locks being manipulated, but I didn't have the energy or interest to get up and check the peephole or run away, which would've been the smart thing to do considering the last visitor I had. I was pushed two feet into my kitchen as the door swung open and inward, sliding my body forward along with it.

It closed, and when I glanced way up I saw Ranger staring down at me. His arms were crossed over his chest and while his expression was purposely blank, the air crackled around him. Batman is beyond pissed and trying to control it.

"You told me that you were heading to Rangeman," he said, when he felt he could get the words out without losing his cool.

I didn't bother getting up, I just tilted my head so my left ear was lying against my kneecap and I could sorta see him. Nothing I say is going to make him happy right now so I'm just going to have to ride out his anger.

"Technically, I said I may take you up on your offer," I reminded him. "I changed my mind. There was no reason not to come back here. It's not like this is the first time a dead guy's been on my couch."

"But it's the first time your bullets put one there."

That is true. That other guy was already dead when he'd been packed in and reassembled on my sofa just to terrorize me. This time, the guy was alive, too alive in my opinion, when I emptied my gun into him before he could do more than wave his at me.

I didn't have a good comeback to fire at Ranger, so I went back to perfecting my new clock-staring hobby.

"Get up," he ordered. "You're coming home with me."

"I'm fine," I parroted, just like I had a handful of other times during this last hour.

"You're not fine, Babe. And I'm not about to let you be sitting here alone when you finally realize that. Get up."

"Like I told Grandma, Eddie, Carl, Mary Lou, and my mother, I'm alright. I just need some time alone right now."

There, that sounded mature. There's no need to pull everyone down into this dark hole with me.

I could hear the rustle of his jacket and cargos as he moved closer and crouched beside me. "You said that to protect them and make them worry less, Steph. I don't need protection and I know you better than they do. I'm not buying that shit. I can tell you're on the edge of breaking."

Before I knew what he was about to do, he put his knee on the floor, leaned forward so he could get a shoulder against my chest, and he lifted me up into a fireman's carry as he stood.

"Get the rat," I heard him tell someone.

I couldn't see which Merry Man had come here with him, but judging by the size of the boots I could see from my upside-down position, it had to be Tank.

"Ranger!" I tried to yell over the roaring between my ears where all my blood is now pooling. "Put me down!"

"No. But that's better. You sound like you have some fight left in you after all."

"You'll find out just how much the second you let me go."

"You shouldn't threaten me, Babe. I can choose not to put you down and just let Tank drive us to my building."

I was thinking 'Fuck', but I didn't let it slip out as I got a tour of my hall and the elevator from a different perspective. What can I do? He meant it. If he believes I'm going to run, he will use his beefy arms as full-body cuffs to keep me locked to him.

By the time we reached the lobby, I'd reverted back to not caring. Here or at Rangeman I'll still be stuck being me, dealing with all the scenes my mind won't let me see in their entirety until I try to get some sleep. That's when it hit me, I've been cursing my brain for the nightmares I've had over my bounty-hunting career, but my brain is only doing for me what I was doing for my friends and family ... protecting me - and them - from the effects of another brush with death.

"Are you going to fight me?" Ranger asked when he, Tank, Rex, and I, made it outside.

"No."

That was the wrong answer apparently. He put me on my feet and kept an arm around me as the blood returned to everything below my neck. He tossed his keys to Tank and then got into the backseat, keeping me wrapped protectively in his arms as he basically flipped-off Jersey's seat belt law and sat me in his lap.

Tank put Rex's cage on the seat beside us and I couldn't help but notice that the furry traitor had chosen that moment to come out of hibernation. I didn't bother glaring at him, he wouldn't care anyway.

"Would you like to stop and pick up something on our way across town?" Ranger asked, his lips moving in my curls.

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry."

Tank made a sound from the driver's seat and I realized I said something wrong again. It clicked then that if I didn't want to worry them, I should've said I was starving and request that we stop at a convenience store at least for chips and a candy bar. Oh well, what's another screw-up in a life full of them?

The ten-minute drive was quiet and felt strained. Both Ranger and Tank had something to say, but they were nice enough to save it for a later date. The Rangeguys weren't so shy I found out. After Tank had parked and Ranger let me go only long enough to snag my hand to walk me inside, I counted at least eight of the guys loitering in the lobby.

If I was in my right frame of mind, I would've been turned on having Ranger's hand and body touching me, or I'd be turning bitchy at his implication that I can't take care of myself. But right now, I just see his coddling me as proof that I'll never be as strong as he is. One traumatic thing happens and I totally check out, while he and the guys seem to draw even bigger cajones from ending a clear right-versus-wrong situation.

"We're glad you're alright," I heard Bobby say.

"We should've been there," was Lester's take on things.

"She should've been here," Tank added.

"Not now," Ranger told him, parting the crowd and escorting me to the elevator.

Tank, being smart, listened and stopped speaking until the three of us got to Seven and he handed Rex over. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

I felt Ranger nod against my head and then we were alone. I thought he'd propel me towards the kitchen for a bottle of water or cup of coffee, even possibly tug me into the living room so I could curl up against him on his untainted couch. But he just put Rex on the sideboard, closed the front door, and locked it before pulling me into his arms.

"Let it out, Babe. I've got you now."

Like he had hotwired my brain and made it do what he wanted, the sound of my apartment's door being forced open became my reality all over again. As if it were happening right now, I saw Lofter's red face and pie-eyes poking around my door and searching my apartment's entrance for me. Looking back, I'm surprised he could see anything through all those expanded blood vessels, least of all actually spot me sitting like a deer-in-headlights on my hand-me-down couch with a half-demolished pint of Caramel Cone ice cream in my hand. I can still feel how every ounce of my dairy treat tried to make a return trip up from my stomach as the psycho headed straight for me obviously armed and really angry.

Since I'm not Ranger ... I don't eat, sleep, and shower with a weapon or three on me. And the minutes I spent looking down the business end of Lofter's pistol are ones I never want to repeat. I tried talking him down and reminded him that his nephew will be bonded out by Vinnie again, because my cousin's stupid that way. When that got me nothing but unflattering remarks about my intelligence and disgusting ones about my anatomy, I moved onto trying to get myself around him and to the hook by my front door where my gun was hiding illegally in my bag.

Obviously thinking I'm like Joyce, a brainless bimbo who was given a job in return for 'personal favors', he didn't know where I was headed or for what. Why he came here instead of consulting a lawyer or tormenting his sister-in-law … the source of the drugs that had Mider Lofter, his nephew, feeling like he could carjack someone and not get caught which led to me having to arrest him, I didn't want to know.

I had my gun out by that time. That enraged him because I turned out to be smarter than he is. I debated the front door, but determined I couldn't get out without turning my back on the enemy. I also didn't want to leave Rex behind, which is something I'll never tell anyone. The elder Lofter closed in when he figured I wouldn't shoot him in cold blood, but he underestimated what I will do to protect myself. While I had my eyes trained on his gun as we circled each other, he backhanded me. I fell back onto the couch, trying to blink the stars out of my eyes.

When they refocused, they didn't like what they saw. Lofter's face was scary enough, but his package now on partial-display was even more grotesque. He didn't lower his gun when he reached for me, and I didn't lower mine either. I took aim and started firing, making up my mind then and there that if there was going to be a victim in my apartment, it was for damn sure going to be him.

I shuddered once and a sob slipped out as Ranger tightened his hold on me, one arm circled my shoulders and his other locked around my lower back. If anyone came after me, they would have to literally get through him to reach me. The tears came after that realization. Everything I was trying to hold in and stash somewhere to address later, he unleashed with a few caring words and the security his body and building provide. He held me until the front of his T-shirt was soaked. My eyes were red and scratchy by then, but at least they'd finally stopped leaking.

"Feeling better?" Ranger asked, as I tried to use the collar of my shirt to fix the natural disaster I'd turned my face into.

"No."

Finally, I gave the right answer. He nodded, like he understood ... because he does understand this crap better than anyone. He obviously felt that I'm now okay enough to tug through his apartment like I'd predicted earlier. He sat in one of the big armchairs instead of the couch, but I was 'encouraged' to do the cuddling-up-against-him thing.

"It's okay if you need help, Babe. We all do."

I snorted, which was a drastic improvement over the snot-sniffling I'd been doing just three minutes ago.

"Like you ever need help dealing with something. Your dial is set on 'I've got it covered'."

"How often have you woken up to find me sitting in your chair watching over you as you slept? Can you even count the number of times I've gone straight to see you after a job instead of going home? Even when I was FTA, and the threat of an arrest was looming, I still needed to see you or just hear your voice. Why do you think that is?"

"You didn't want to be alone?" I guessed.

"Yes and no. I would have preferred to be alone if I didn't have you in my life. I don't have the time or patience for people's pity or bullshit, so avoiding that when I'm already triggered is to everyone's benefit. But you're different. And I know it's the same for you when it comes to me. You can dismiss or fool everyone else, but never me."

"I thought I had to go back there, face my fear and all that crap, but it wasn't fun."

"It also didn't help. You were supposed to go from the TPD, to the ER to make sure you weren't concussed, and then come straight here so I could help you through this. Now I realize I misused my time. I should have left the legalities to my lawyers and shadowed you instead of the Chief."

"I wanted to prove to myself and my family that I'm okay on my own," I tried to explain. "I chose this job knowing the risks. I should be able to handle it when I'm confronted with one."

"You already proved all of that. You protected yourself and Rex without hesitation. Anybody who says otherwise is the one with the problem."

"Thanks for saying that. I didn't need a ride home, an ER trip, or a babysitter ... which I noticed I had at the station. I was … am ... fine."

He tensed under me. "Say the 'F' word again, Stephanie, and my reaction won't be a pleasant one."

"Okay, so I'm actually a freakin' wreck. Big deal. It happens pretty regularly now. I'll get over it."

"It's an extremely big deal, Babe. I had to order my men to leave Lofter's body to the M.E. to cut up or they'd be taking turns putting more holes in his carcass right now. And I'm sure the minute I feel like I can let you out of my sight again, they'll be lining up to give you a play-by-play of how I reacted when I got the call from Vince saying the emergency crew had just been dispatched to your apartment. You do need to be okay at all times, but it can't be faked."

"Yeah, I'm seeing how lying can backfire."

Though being in Ranger's penthouse with the Boss personally comforting me isn't much of a punishment.

"We have a rule here at Rangeman," he continued, "if one of my people need any kind of help, they are required to ask for it. No questions asked. You need to adopt a similar philosophy. Strong people are so because they can face anything, even their own demons with appropriate backup."

I don't know why that made me feel better, but it did. Unlike Joe, Ranger never uses my reactions and weaknesses against me.

"I promise I'll tell you everything you want to know about today, but can we wait until tomorrow?"

He crossed his arms over my body and rested his hands on my hip. He kissed my curls and then squeezed me even tighter. It was then that I got his underlying message. He wanted me here for himself as much as it was to make me feel better. He needs to take care of me to keep his own mind more on the peaceful side. And he's right about me … I just need him.