Nothing like half a year to deal with work, moving, health issues, and get back to writing...right?

Story isn't dead, I'm half dead, hope I made it worth the wait.

Bitter cold winds swept through the open field, cutting out a path as they kicked another snow pile up into the air. Oscar watched the flakes twirl on the gusts as they floated back down to the ground, only to inevitably be sent back up into the air again by another bout of wind. He shifted the weight of his backpack, tugging on the straps and pulling the bag closer to his back, and shivered. Whether the shiver was a result of the cold or the looming emotions from the past half hour, he didn't know.

Well, between the storm in his chest and the aching in his head caused by a disturbing lack of presence, he did know. But the cold gave a good cover.

Almost unwillingly, his eyes looked back up to the rest of the group. Everyone was at least a good ten paces in front of him, and aside from the occasional howling of the wind and the crunching of snow under heavy footsteps, no one had said a word. Not since Maria and Ruby had agreed that they needed to press on to find shelter. They were right of course, none of them particularly wanted to die out in the cold. Yet the crushing hopelessness surrounding the group seemed to press on them harder than the biting chill in the air. The only thing that felt heavier to him was the empty isolation he felt from everyone else.

His jaw still smarted from when Qrow punched him (Oz….him? Gods he didn't know anymore) but that was nothing compared to the immediate sense of being cut off from everyone else. He had seen the exact same things as they had. The story of a world born twice over, of a humanity that was given a second chance, of a broken woman turning into the very thing she should've hated, of a broken man drifting helplessly through the centuries with no conceivable plan. He had heard Jinn speak the same words as they had, that there was no way to defeat Salem. He had heard Ozpin speak the same words as they had, felt them even more deeply as they came out of his own mouth, spoken with his own tongue, that there was no real plan.

And yet…

Oscar's grip tightened around the straps of his backpack. "I'm just going to be another one of his lives, aren't I?" That was all he could ask Ruby when she handed him back the cane. It felt far heavier when he placed it back on his belt. Just how many had held it before him?

Because despite everything, despite seeing the unspeakable horrors of the past and how Remnant came to be…how Oz and Salem came to be and the war they had been waging ever since, and despite the uncertainty surrounding them all now about problems near and far, there was only one thing he could think about. Life after life. Reincarnation after reincarnation. It was always one life for another, one was lost for this enduring soul and his mission.

And sure, maybe the life reincarnated into wasn't always lost. But could it ever truly survive the way it would've without having an extra passenger onboard? Could anyone ever truly have a life of their own when this burden was suddenly placed on them? Many tried, it seemed. But in the end, it was always the same wasn't? They all died alone, with the expectation of doing it again and again and again. Even the best of them, who died surrounded by friends and family, still died alone in a way. Because really, who could understand the burdens of a man trapped with a thousand years behind him?

Was it…it was inevitable he would slip away one day, wasn't it?

"Of course not. You're your own person," Ruby had said, but the comfort he derived from her words was short-lived. Qrow came by and admonished her for lying. They were better than that, he had claimed, and honestly it would've been kinder for the Huntsman to just punch him in the jaw again. It would've hurt less than the burning ache that settled in the pit of his stomach.

So that was it then. It wasn't as if he hadn't already seen the signs of it, the way Yang had demanded to talk to Ozpin, the way Blake and Weiss looked at him after he told them Oz had locked himself away. The anger and anguish in Qrow's eyes after he spoke to him…Oz…and the confusion reflected and quickly hidden away in Ruby's eyes. They already saw him, Oscar Pine, as Ozpin. Or at the very least, they already saw him as Oz's vessel. Not himself, just another empty body housing the soul with a real destiny. He already wasn't anybody to them…to anyone.

The past half hour replayed in his head again and again, to the point he eventually stopped in his tracks, watching the breath finally forced from his lungs take form in the cold air and float on towards the sky. His jaw clenched as he watched the group trudge on ahead of him, desperately trying to hold back the hot tears forming in his eyes. He had to resist the urge of his legs giving out under him, to just drop to his knees in the snow and not get back up. What did it matter anymore? Now that Ozpin was gone, they didn't need him anymore. No one did.

"Is this it then? Is this all there is?" Oscar didn't expect an answer when he asked, but the silence that greeted him was unsettling nonetheless. He had grown used to having doubts and fears surrounding his situation, but there was always a gentle hand guiding him whenever they arose. Ozpin didn't always answer every question he had, he didn't always give a verbal response to every doubt Oscar expressed, but he had always been there. Even when he didn't speak, Oscar could always feel Oz's support, a gentle, calming wave of encouragement and understanding that would soothe what doubt he had. But now…

Now there was nothing. An empty space for his doubts and fears to fill.

"Is that all I really am destined to be?" he asked, growing frantic in the face of the nothingness he was met with. He gripped the cane at his side, thinking that maybe if he held onto it, it wouldn't feel so weighted with all the lives that came before him. "Oz, please! Tell me there's more! Please…"

It was pointless. He wasn't going to get an answer. Ozpin's presence was still there at least, but it was so faint, locked in the deepest part of his mind behind so many walls, he had no intention of coming back. And Oscar certainly wasn't going to get in. He was alone for this, alone with his thoughts, there wouldn't be anymore answers or the comfort he had grown used to…

"Would you believe him even if he did come back?" Oscar grit his teeth against his own question and shook his head. Believe or not, it didn't matter, he had grown used to Ozpin's presence and the lack of it was disconcerting. He was comforting, lies or truth. Oscar could have found relief, even if temporary, in a lie. Even if it was just the reassurance that everything would be alright.

"That was his point, you know." It…it was, wasn't it? Ignorance was bliss. He sighed and ducked his head, releasing his vice-like grip on the weapon. After a moment he picked up his pace to try and catch up with the others. Or at least, to catch back up at a reasonable distance from them.

It was easier to not know. He didn't have to worry about his fate when he didn't know the merge was seemingly inevitable. It was easier when they didn't know about what the Gods had done to the planet once. It was easier when they didn't know the true horrors Salem had committed. It was easier when they still had a blind hope that Salem could be defeated and that Oz had some sort of plan to do it. It was easier when everything didn't seem so utterly hopeless.

"Do you regret your decision?"

The question had been sitting in the back of his mind ever since they had all been released from Jinn's revelation about what Ozpin was hiding. Because this was ultimately the result of his decision to override Oz and tell Ruby about Jinn. They all knew because of him, because he had uttered the Relic's name. Oz had locked himself away because of how they reacted to knowing. Yet, with all the fear, all the uncertainty, all the despair surrounding their situations and their missions and the prospect that one day he would slip away…regret was not an emotion he felt.

Oscar tore his attention from the snow-covered ground when he noticed the group stopped. Ruby and Qrow were talking quietly at the front. He couldn't hear what it was about, but he could guess it was in preparation of what to do in case this trail wound up going nowhere. It was a brief conversation, and as Qrow stalked off to scout ahead, Ruby took a second to glance back at everyone else. When her gaze finally connected with his, she gave a small smile. It was forced and it was broken and it held a tiredness that reached her silver eyes all too easily, but the gesture still counted for something.

He was reminded of a night a couple weeks back, when they were still in Mistral and things were…well, not simpler, but easier. When after countless hours of training, to the point that he was well beyond feeling exhaustion seeping into his bones, he had finally had it and asked Ruby how she could be so confident. How she could handle all of everything they had been faced with.

And she explained. She explained the horrors she had seen herself, the losses she had felt; she admitted that she was scared for herself and scared for everyone else. That she hurt from everything that had already happened to her, to everyone. Yet through it all, she found the strength to keep moving forward. It seemed like they all did.

"Hey Oscar," she had called to him that night, "This isn't going to be easy. But the fact that you're even trying says a lot about you. You're braver than you think."

Perhaps Ruby had always seen something in him that he wasn't sure was there himself. The same with Ozpin, actually. And ultimately, that was why he could say he didn't regret his decision.

Sure, the lie was easier. Living in ignorance was more comfortable and made everything much easier to deal with. But they deserved to know the truth, they all did…even himself. It may not have been what anyone wanted to hear, but it was information they needed to know. They deserved to know what they were truly up against to prepare accordingly. And they would prepare accordingly. Maybe not now, when everything was still so raw, but after some time had taken its course to heal the freshest of wounds.

Oscar still trusted them. Maybe he had no real reason to after the events that just transpired, but he still did. He understood their hurt, he understood their anger and their confusion. Hell, he was hurt and angry and lost. But they would still do what was right. They always had up until this point, there was no reason to expect them to do otherwise. Especially with Ruby at the helm. They would keep moving forward.

Even him…even if it meant at the end of it all he could do nothing but slip away. Trepidation aside that had…never really been in question.

He sighed as the group started moving again and paused, watching his breath again as it curled around him and drifted up and up. After another moment staring up at the sky, he carried on with the rest of them.

The day had only provided further cruelties. They had found shelter at Brunswick Farms, but the gruesome discovery of the prior inhabitants left everyone even more on edge. It didn't make any sense, the entire town having gone to bed one night and just never getting back up. It was just another thing to add to the growing list of anxieties in the group. Still, they had no other choice but to stay since the snowstorm started raging outside.

After finding some food and a way out for tomorrow, everyone seemed to have settled down enough to get some sleep. Exhaustion had spread through the group like wildfire, so it wasn't necessarily a surprise that most everyone fell asleep quickly. Oscar wasn't one of them though, instead sitting in the back corner of the room and observing the cane he held gingerly in his hand.

He clicked the handle once, watching it extend, nearly silent, before he clicked it again and it retracted just as quietly. Like clockwork, the only thing that could be heard from the cane were the gears in it. The weight of the weapon on his belt had grown increasingly heavier ever since Ruby had first handed it back to him, to the point that it was haunting his mind long after everyone else had drifted off in their slumber. He had eventually given in, grabbing the weapon and examining it by the dull light of the fire for at least an hour now, lost in his own thoughts.

A small part of him was tempted to get rid of it. To be done with the whole thing and throw the cane into the fire and watch the silver metal glow red before slowly melting away. After the revelations of the day, it didn't matter anymore. It wasn't like the cane was his weapon after all, and it wasn't likely Oz was coming back anytime soon. All it did was serve as a reminder of what he was and what he wasn't…and what the man who came before him was…and what he wasn't too. It was just another reminder of the hopelessness and inevitability of it all and…and Oscar was tired of that.

He was so tired of it all.

Yet, every time he moved to stand up and go to the fire, his hand gripped the cane harder and he sat back down. There was no use in destroying a perfectly good weapon…and it was the only weapon he had been training on, after all. One day it could…would be just as much his as it was Ozpin's. Not to mention it was a reminder. A reminder of what he was, and what he had to do yes, the inevitability of an unknown fate, but it was also a reminder of all the good he was meant to accomplish.

It was a reminder of all the good Ozpin had already accomplished, for thousands upon thousands of years.

"Do you regret your decision?"

Oscar was still tormented by the question. Maybe yes, he did regret causing that much pain to Ozpin, no matter how good his intentions or how unwitting it was. But no, he still didn't regret his decision. He still trusted the group to do what was right. He still trusted himself to do what was right too. And it was that conviction he kept reminding himself of every time it felt too pointless to continue on. It was what kept him from burning the cane every time.

He would keep moving forward. They all would. And maybe someone else needed that reminder.

"Oz, I know you can hear me." That wasn't entirely true, but Oscar was pretty sure that he was still in there somewhere, listening to what was happening. "They're hurt, and they're angry, and they're scared," he said, a small frown forming as he stared down at the cane, "You can't blame them for that. After everything they just found out…that I just found out, I get it. But I do still trust them."

Oscar sighed and stood up, letting the cane slip through his fingers until he caught it at the top. "I'm sorry for what I did but…there's still good in this world. They are the good still left in this world, and I know you believe that too," he continued as he walked back to his makeshift bed. He pulled his pack to him and dropped the cane inside. He smiled at how it looked in his pack, like it belonged. "They've gone through too much and still chosen the right path in the end. I trust them to still do what's right."

He closed his pack and shifted it to the side as he laid down underneath his blanket. He closed his eyes and felt himself already starting to drift off into a much-needed sleep.

"I promise, Oz. We'll all still do what is right."