The next morning is awkward, to say the very least. Zuko tries not to think about Katara during breakfast, but there she is, sitting across the table and two seats down, her eyes glued to the mostly full plate in front of her. He knows their spar had been… well, intense (he had been beating himself up all night for losing control and looking at her like that, but who could blame him?), but he hadn't thought that it would breed this strange distance between the two of them. Right back to square one. Frankly, their clumsy dance around each other has become something of an annoyance; not Katara herself- although sometimes she frustrates him just like anyone else- but there's something between them, something undeniable and magnetic and powerful. She has to feel it too, the way his skin is set alight when they touch, the almost tangible tension between their glowing eyes when they lock, the gravity that pulls them together time and time and time again, no matter how awkward things get. It can't just be in my head… right?
"Hello?" Toph's petite hand waves in front of his face from his left side. "Earth to Sparky?"
He shakes his head to clear his mind. "What? Sorry."
Pale glowing eyes roll behind Toph's long fringe. "We were trying to figure out what we're going to do next."
"The army has to be catching up to us." Sokka's mouth is only half full, a testament to how seriously he's taking this threat. "We're going to have to hustle if we want to stay ahead of them."
"We won't be able to." All eyes land on Mai's placid face. "They probably have smaller cells moving faster than the rest to head us off. There's no way we can outrun them."
The silence that fills the room is suffocating, thick with thinly veiled fear and the ever present anxiety that they all wear like a winter cloak. It's clear that Mai is being honest, no matter how little they want to believe her words; Zuko has seen Ember's army, and even before he left home three years ago it was impressive. There's no doubt in his mind that his father has probably beefed it up even more so for this mission, and the deep seated fear that Ozai himself is heading the force that races closer to them with each passing second hits him like a ton of bricks.
"Well, the sooner we get going, the sooner we'll get to The Source." Suki's voice dispels the nervous cloud that had hung above them, at least for the moment. "We have to make it as close as we can before we run into the army." Seven heads nod in unison, and when breakfast ends in silence, they all move to get ready to leave.
The only plan they have is feeling as sturdy as leaves in a storm, and they're walking straight into the eye. Zuko prepares with shaky legs and hesitant hands; somehow it all feels more real now, like they've stepped over a threshold with no way to return. Not much has changed in the past few days, but over the past nine months all of their lives have been turned on their heads. He's always known that this mission is his destiny, but he never actually thought that he'd see it through. Now the future looms in the distance, something hulking and dark that can only be seen through a foggy haze, and he has to take a handful of deep, measured breaths before he can meet up with the others outside.
Ty Lee is the only one in their party who looks excited to embark; Aang is putting on a good show, but Zuko sees the lines at the corner of his eyes and the tightness in his jaw. Sokka and Suki talk with bowed heads off to the side, their conversation obviously private enough that he knows not to intrude. Katara stands alone with her back turned to the group, a gentle wind pushing her hair in waves behind her as she looks out over the town of Shu Jing. Her silhouette paints a beautiful picture against the backdrop of the rising sun, honey colored light bouncing off the lush curls of her hair and highlighting her heavy blue tunic. Winter is fast approaching, and the heat that radiates from his body gives him away as he approaches her from behind.
"Are you ready?" He isn't sure why his voice is so quiet, but there's something about the softness of the morning that feels like it might break if he isn't careful.
"It feels different, doesn't it?" She doesn't have to elaborate.
"Yeah, it does." A particularly strong gust ruffles his hair, and Katara shivers next to him. He moves closer to her side. "We'll be fine."
Her eyes are bright and wide when she looks up at him. "Yeah." Glowing blue shines under warm golden light; he doesn't dare look away. "We will be."
Xx
Mai and Ty Lee blend into their strange little family with surprising ease. For Mai it's a little easier; she's not very social, but she does seem to enjoy talking to Suki about various sharp objects, and her dry commentary (he wouldn't go so far as to call it humor) meshes unexpectedly well with Toph's no-bullshit attitude. Ty Lee's bubbly attitude bodes well for Aang, and the two of them are like peas in a pod. Their blatant flirting would be cute if Zuko didn't feel a twinge of petty jealousy any time Ty Lee giggles at one of Aang's lame jokes; It's just another reminder of what he can't have. As if I need more of those. He's made up his mind: he will tell Katara how he feels. Eventually. As soon as they find some time alone. (He doesn't decide this because he knows that there's hardly a chance that they'll get any alone time for the rest of the journey. That just happens to be the nature of their surroundings.) It's never going to happen.
Sparring becomes very interesting now that Mai and Ty Lee have joined their group; Mai's speciality is throwing knives, her arsenal made up of myriad blades hidden all over her body. Ty Lee specializes in a unique type of combat, utilizing her acrobatic skills (apparently she had been a part of a travelling circus for a while) in order to get within close range of a target so that she can hit a series of pressure points that render various parts of the body useless. The first time she had demonstrated on Sokka had been hilarious, the baffled look on his face enough to have the rest of the group dissolving into tears. Mai had even chuckled, something that Zuko hadn't even thought possible until now.
They're slowly learning who works best together and who needs more practice, and it's somehow been fun pitting all eight of them against each other. For their first scrimmage, all the elemental Othered, who work best at long range, had taken on the four close range fighters, and it was the most fun Zuko had had in a long while. At first he had thought that there was no way the four warriors would beat them, but Ty Lee and Mai worked seamlessly together, as did Suki and Sokka, and in an embarrassingly short amount of time both Aang and Katara had been knocked out of the fight, but not without taking Sokka with them. Toph had managed to get Mai, but Ty Lee's aerial attack mixed with Suki's agility eventually got the best of her as well. Somehow he had managed to bring Ty Lee down (he thinks it was dumb luck, but they'll never hear him say it), and the resulting battle between him and Suki had been intense. If he had been able to use his swords it would have been a fairer fight, but Suki had eventually been able to knock him down, and Sokka had proclaimed her "the greatest warrior of all time" just to rub it in. Now he knows better than to underestimate his friends.
Underneath it all, his anxiety is eating him alive; it hasn't been this bad since he was back in Ember. He knows that their journey is soon coming to an end, and there's way too much for him to lose if this all goes south. Not only does he dread what will happen if they lose, but he's dreading what will happen if they win, too, because that means splitting up. It means losing the only friends he's ever had; Toph and Aang have become almost like younger siblings to him, and Sokka is essentially the brother he's never had. Mai and Ty Lee haven't made a big enough impression on him yet for them to feel like family. Suki's endless strength reminds him of his sister, and she always knows what to say when he gets too in his head about Katara. And therein lies another problem: Katara. She had told him that she'd help him find Azula, but he can't ask that of her. Azula is most likely back in Ember, and it's not safe for any Othered there. Not to mention that Azula would be in the royal palace, and as good as Katara is at wielding her gift, there's no way she'd get in and out without being noticed. No, he could never ask that of her, no matter how much he wants to see his sister, no matter that the thought of never seeing Katara again feels more and more like his heart being frozen in the cage of his ribs.
They sit by the campfire, the eight misfits that make up his family huddled close together to stave off the permanent chill that marks the closing of the season. Steam rises from eight mugs of hot tea, red noses bowed close to the warmth, frigid fingers gripped tightly to the only tangible heat available. Well, except him. It seems that Toph, Aang, and Katara remember their journey through the desert (as if he could ever forget) and the cold nights that had branded him as a human hearth, and had communicated the advantage of his gift with the rest of the group. His seven companions have closed in around him, the physical contact warming something inside of him that's been cold for far too long. Toph leans on his left side, her arm hooked through his and notched at the crook of his elbow. Aang sits with his back to Zuko's right shoulder, with Ty Lee nestled comfortably between his legs and using his chest as a backrest. Sokka and Mai somehow share his back, theirs pressed up against his to absorb the heat that radiates from his core. Sukki is situated between Sokka's legs, practically on his lap from what Zuko can gather, and he bumps up his temperature a little more in hopes that it reaches her.
Katara, of course, sits with her back to his chest and is cradled by his legs, while hers are pulled up so that she's as small as possible "to absorb more heat" (her words, not his). The scent of her hair is intoxicating, something a little less floral and a little more spicy than her usual soap, and there's no escaping it when she leans her head back to rest against his collar. It's too reminiscent of their drunken tryst in Ba Sing Se, the memories of pounding hearts and soft lips devoid of hesitance swirling in his mind and gaining force with each breath. He tries to avoid thinking about it, swallowing around the taste of whiskey and gripping his mug tighter to burn the feeling of Katara's hands off of his skin, and it almost works. Almost.
"Anyway, he started yelling about his cabbages." Zuko tunes back into the conversation to catch the end of Sokka's strange tale. "And I said, 'buddy, I have way more to worry about than your cabbages!'" Suki chuckles, but she's the only one that reacts to whatever Sokka's joke was supposed to be. "What? It's funny!"
He feels Katara sigh against his chest. "Sokka, your jokes suck." Good old sisterly love.
"Hey, I resent that!"
"What about you, Sparky?" Toph nudges his ribs with a pointy elbow. "Do you know any jokes?"
"Not really." He does his best to shrug under the weight of all his friends. "I mean, uncle told some jokes, but I can't really remember any of them." The group falls quiet. Come on, Zuko, think! "There was this one joke. I don't really remember the beginning, but the punchline goes, 'leaf me alone, I'm bushed!'"
"It's not really a joke if all you can remember is the punchline," Mai says, and he hates to admit it, but she's right.
"I don't know, I thought it was kind of funny." Katara's voice reverberates through her core against his chest, the gentle rumble of a summer storm just waiting to break.
"Of course you did, Sweetness. Your sense of humor is terrible." Katara scoffs at Toph's words.
"It is not! Zuko, my sense of humor isn't that bad, is it?"
"I think both of our senses of humor leave something to be desired." She digs her elbow into his ribs, no doubt hearing the smirk in his voice. A wide smile pulls his lips across his face as he chuckles.
"Traitor." She's definitely pouting, but the amusement is clear in her tone. "I always laugh at your stupid jokes."
"Yeah, that just proves my point," he quips. Katara turns her head, and he can feel her smile in the cheek she has pressed against his heart.
"Oh, I know one!" Aang jolts with excitement, but Zuko tunes out everything except for the feeling of Katara's rising and falling breaths against him.
If she keeps this up, I'm going to die. There's no way that she can't feel the staccato tattoo of his heartbeat, but her head stays right where it is. I have to tell her. He can't handle her closeness if she doesn't feel the same as he does. His blood is twitchy in his veins, his muscles cramping with the effort of keeping himself still under her weight, and it's all just too much. Damn the consequences. If she doesn't like him, he'll lose the physicality that comes with their friendship, but at this point, he thinks that it might be an equal relief as it would be a disappointment. I can't do it anymore. He's dizzy with it, the overpowering emotions that make his hands feel numb and his ribs feel like they're stuffed with cotton one moment and lead the next. I have to tell her. I'm going to tell her.
Eventually they all go their separate ways to sleep, and Zuko crawls into his bedroll, heart heavy with words unsaid.
Xx
"Hey Zuko, can I ask you something?" He and Aang have travelled ahead to scout for any possible soldiers, and the meager dirt path is hard and frosty beneath their feet in the morning chill as the two of them walk side by side.
"Go for it."
"Well…" Aang moves to rub the back of his neck, but is stopped short by the thick, russet scarf that winds around it. "You've… been with people before, right?"
Zuko's brow raises as he looks at the young man beside him. "You're gonna have to be a little more specific."
"Like—" Aang's mittened hands make strange, unintelligible motions in front of him. "You know, like, been with someone?"
"What, you mean sex?"
Aang's already rosy cheeks somehow turn even brighter. "No! Not like that. Well, I mean, I know that happens eventually, but—"
"Is this about Ty Lee?" he asks, and Aang's shoulders fall with a heavy sigh.
"Yeah. I like her a lot, but I just don't know what to do. I've never felt like this before."
"No offense, Aang, but I'm probably not the best person to be giving you advice on love."
"Yeah, no kidding." Aang's glowing eyes widen and his hands come up to cover his mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't— well, I can't say I didn't mean it, but—"
"Aang." He rests his hand on Aang's shoulder and feels him relax. "It's okay. I know I'm a lost cause."
"It's just, Sokka wasn't any help at all. He kept telling me to 'be aloof'." Aang makes the motion of air quotations, but his mittened hands reduce the effect.
"Hm. Aloof… isn't really your style."
"That's what I said!" Aang exclaims, and throws his hands up in the air in a gesture of exacerbation.
"Alright, well, you guys keep telling me to talk to Katara, so I'd say that's probably what you should do with Ty Lee."
"But how do I know if she likes me back?"
"Ah, now you see my problem with Katara," he says, and he can't help but smirk at Aang's sheepish face. "She likes spending time with you, right?" Aang nods his head. "Okay, that's a good sign. And you guys have fun together?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Does she touch you a lot? Like, just casual touch, but more than any of the rest of us do?" Aang nods his head again, and Zuko tries to ignore the similarities between the behaviors he's telling Aang to look out for and Katara's behaviors towards him. "Then she probably likes you."
"You think so?" Aang's eyes glow almost silver against the backdrop of dark, bare trees.
"Yup. So you should talk to her. And even if—"
Zuko stops short and throws his hand out in front of Aang. "Did you hear that?"
Aang nods. "It came from behind us." All the brevity is gone from his voice, and after sharing a hard look, they turn around and sprint back to the group.
Trees blur as they run, sounds of shouting and metal crashing getting louder with each pouding step they take. The air is biting as it enters his lungs, and he can feel his throat drying out from sucking in harsh breaths in order to get back to their friends. In just a few minutes they come upon their group, who are currently in the midst of defending themselves against at least two dozen soldiers. Their uniforms are dark, the color of dried blood and charcoal black blending together as the soldiers move, and their swords clang against the various weapons his friends are using in a cacophonous song.
Zuko conjures his fire and whips it out towards a soldier, batting the man away from Sokka and flinging him off to the side. There's no time to talk; Zuko and Aang spring into action as soon as they get close enough to the fray, each of them floating around the edges of the fight and picking off soldiers wherever they can. He has to launch himself to the side to avoid a soldier flying through the air, pushed back by a hefty chunk of rock. The man falls to the ground on the edge of the trees off the path, and he doesn't get up. Zuko knows that the stakes are getting higher as they get closer to The Source, and that the fights they engage in will start ending with more severe casualties. As it is, it's extremely difficult to use a bladed weapon in combat and avoid casualties, and Mai's throwing daggers are especially prone to killing blows. He tries not to think about the duty that sits over the group like a swollen cloud, and tries even harder not to blame it all on himself. There's no way he could have done this all alone; he probably would have been killed before he even got to Gaoling. He's incredibly grateful for his friends, but he knows for a fact that none of them will come out on the other side of this quest unchanged. They'll all have blood on their hands by the end of this journey, and as Katara strikes the last soldier down, he sees that some of them already do.
"They came at us from the side." Sokka wipes his blade on his trousers, dark red guilt leaving a streak on the fabric.
"I told you," Mai says. She seems to be unscathed, at least.
"Well clearly telling us didn't do any good!" Toph throws her hands in the air with her shout. Her hair is beginning to fall out of the large bun she always keeps it in, but thankfully she looks unharmed.
"Guys," Katara says with a tired voice, her hair frizzing out from the braid that lies draped over her shoulder. There's blood leaking through a slit in her heavy tunic on her arm, and his stomach churns when he tries to focus on it. "Fighting isn't going to help. Let's just keep going and we'll figure something out when we set up camp." He's drawn to her side, as always; there's no blood on her that isn't coming from her own wound, and a sweeping sense of relief rushes through him. The longer she can go without having to deal a killing blow, the better.
"She's right." Suki, on the other hand, is sporting a few groups of dappled red on her green clothes. She's killed before; she trained the most elite group of all women warriors in the world, and he knows that she learned to accept death at too young of an age.
Ty Lee nods in agreement, but says nothing. Her knuckles are tinged red, and he hopes that it's just from the cold air that snakes its way under his skin.
They begin walking again, at a slightly faster pace despite the weariness that permeates the group, and Zuko makes his way towards Katara.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm okay." Her smile is tired, but genuine. "It's just a scratch, really."
"I'm sorry I wasn't here." He knows that she doesn't need protecting, but that doesn't erase the guilt he feels when he looks at her arm.
"It's alright. We managed just fine." There's something guarded in her eyes, something she's trying to lock away behind the glowing blue of her irises. "It feels more real now."
"The closer we get to The Source…" He doesn't finish his sentence; he doesn't have to. Instead, he wraps his arm around her shoulders. "It's okay. We're in this together." Katara's arm snakes around his waist and pulls him closer to her side. She says nothing, but tilts her head a little more into his shoulder, and he hopes that she finds some comfort there.
Xx
The rest of their walk is silent, save for the crunch of the diminishing path beneath their feet. They're getting pretty far out now, far enough from any highly populated areas that the road is starting to look similar to how it does near Katara's small village— broken and jagged from disuse. Their destination is somewhere that nobody has ever even been; the area where The Source resides takes up the very bottom right corner of their map, and there are no roads or villages near there as far as he can tell. Nevertheless, they continue on towards their destination, eyes peeled and ears open to hopefully anticipate any other attacks.
Luckily the army seems to have backed off for now, and they make it to a safe place to camp without getting attacked again. Immediately after they set up, he's at Katara's side to help with her wound. It really isn't that deep, but at the very least his heat will keep her warm while she is without the heavier tunic she's been wearing.
"Thanks for your help." Her eyes are soft when she looks at him, and he has to look down so that he doesn't lose concentration on wrapping her wound.
"Of course." He ties off the bandage. There isn't a world in existence where I wouldn't help you.
"Do you think we'll get attacked again?" Now he has to look up at her, and he meets her concerned gaze with one of his own.
"Honestly?" he sighs the word, and she nods. "Yeah. It's just a matter of time." He hates the sad smile that stretches across her face, and hates even more that every cell in his body wants to move forward and kiss it away. "But we'll be okay. It's like I said earlier; we're in this together. All of us." I won't let anything happen to you.
"Do you think we'll be able to do it?" He hardly ever sees Katara scared; she's incredibly strong, especially in the face of adversity, but there's a flicker of fear in her glowing eyes.
Their eyes hold each other's, and he hopes that she sees confidence in his, even if it's artificial. "We have to."
Xx
The campfire crackles before him where he sits with the rest of the group. The night is dark and quiet, the stars dim in the deep sky while the moon hides in shadow. Katara comes to sit next to him and hands him a steaming mug, which he takes gratefully, before she sits down and scoots up as close to him as she can get. Despite the cold, a sparkling heat blooms on his skin where she touches him, even through all the layers separating them. He might be going crazy, but it feels like Katara's been more affectionate with him lately. It's making his heart so full that it's straining against its seams, and damn does it hurt in the best of ways.
"Alright guys." Sokka gets the group's attention, his serious tone enough to quiet any conversation. "So I've been thinking, and there's only one way for us to get to the Serpent's Pass without the army getting to us first."
"What's that?" Ty Lee's voice comes from where she is curled up against Aang's side, the two of them sharing a single blanket and the same curious look.
"We have to split up."