December 28, 1993
Hogwarts
Alexandra let out a cough as she climbed out of the chimney, dragging her suitcase behind her.
She smiled upon seeing her Uncle Remus and immediately wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug.
"Happy holidays, Sashenka," he said
Sasha nodded as she pulled away. "Right. Merry... happy or whatever."
"Well, merry happy to you too, Miss Black."
Alexandra turned to see a tall man with a long white beard and half-moon spectacles smiling warmly at her. She'd be willing to bet that's Dumbledore. "It's Khudaiberdieva."
Remus cleared his throat. "Alexandra, this is Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster, who was kind enough to let you come spend your winter break at the castle."
"My apologies, Miss Khudaiberdieva. Surely you can forgive an old man. While on the subject, I must remind you, it is of the utmost importance that you keep your identity a secret from the residents of the castle, as we wouldn't want to cause an uproar."
Sasha nodded. "That won't be a problem." She had zero intention of telling people who her father was.
Remus and Sasha left Dumbledore's office and she started talking his ear off while he led her to his office. Every once in a while she'd stop her ranting about her classmates and ask a question about the castle. It truly was as magical as Remus always described it.
She felt a slight pang at the thought of her almost stint as a Hogwarts student. She'd meant to enrol at the beginning of the year when Remus started teaching but then her father had escaped prison and started a nationwide manhunt for him, and it was decided it was better for her to stay put at Durmstrang for the time being.
Remus's office was quite messy, with papers littering most surfaces and strange creatures entrapped around the place. "Why do you literally become a slob when I'm not around?"
Remus shrugged. "Been busy, no time to clean up. Come on, let me show you to my living quarters."
He opened a door that Sasha totally would've missed if he hadn't. It led to a small living area, with a sofa and a coffee table, that then gave way to a bedroom.
A bed that was clearly out of place in the living area had been set up to the side.
"You can take the bedroom if you want, I can sleep out here," Remus said.
"Nah, this is fine," Sasha set down her suitcase next to the bed and sat down. "Full moon tomorrow."
Remus got a wistful look on his eye and nodded.
"Snape's Wolfsbane been working out fine?"
Remus nodded. "All good."
"Hm, okay."
Sasha got up and walked back into the office. they talked about how each of their semesters had gone so far while Sasha helped Remus put some order to his messy office.
There was a knock on the door. Remus called for whoever it was to enter.
A boy a few years younger than Sasha walked in. His round glasses and lightning scar easily gave away his identity. This was Harry Potter.
The freaking Boy Who Lived. It was kind of weird, seeing him in the flesh after having read so much about him, it made Sasha remember that he wasn't just a case study.
"Hi, Harry," said Remus.
He stared at Sasha curiously. "Oh, hello."
Remus seemed oddly pleased. "Harry, this is my... niece, Alexandra Khudaiberdieva, she's staying here at Hogwarts with me during the holidays."
Alexandra waved at the boy and offered him a smile. "Nice to meet you, Harry."
"Um, you too."
"So, what was it that you needed, Harry?" Remus asked.
Harry seemed to remember. "Oh, well, I got a Firebolt as a Christmas present..."
"Oh, I think I know where this is going."
"You do?"
"Professor McGonagall came to see me about it. I don't think it's cursed, but she wants to make sure, and in the climate, we're in, I don't blame her."
Well, now Sasha wanted to know what the hell they were talking about.
Harry's face fell. "Couldn't you talk to her, maybe?"
"I'm sorry, Harry, but she's your head of House, and Deputy Headmistress, I can't tell her what to do."
Harry nodded, defeated. "Well, thanks anyway, Professor."
Sasha waved at Harry as he left.
Remus looked at her sternly. "Please promise me you will not harass Harry about the curse while you're here. Kid has enough going on already."
"I wasn't planning to! I swear," Sasha was quick to defend herself.
Remus didn't seem entirely convinced. His eyes narrowed. "Okay, I'm just slightly scared of what you might do during the next few days when I will have virtually no power to stop you from doing things."
Sasha smiled mischievously. "Nothing to be scared of, dear Uncle Remy."
Truly, Sasha didn't mean to question Harry about the killing curse. He was just a kid, it'd be wrong of her to make him relive traumatic memories. She'd told herself she'd only talk to him about it if it came up naturally in conversation, which admittedly didn't seem entirely likely to happen.
Sasha's obsession with the killing curse had been described as many things by many different people; "unhealthy", "weird", "a sign of mental instability", "a fucked-up coping method, "not normal behaviour for a twelve-year-old girl". She'd been to therapy, she knew it was weird and unhealthy, didn't mean it would go away.
It just fascinated her. How those two simple words could end someone's life in the blink of an eye. Of course, she knew it took more than just saying the words, but it wasn't too hard if you had the willpower. And Harry Potter had been the only person on Earth to survive the curse. She just wanted to know how it had been done. She never wanted to feel like the little girl trembling under her bed while a strange man shouted those two words and ended the life of the person she loved most in the world just like that.
Still, she did have a semblance of ethics. She wouldn't broach the subject with Harry.
She spent the next few days almost entirely cooped up in Remus's quarters. She wanted to go explore, but she felt bad leaving Remus behind while he transformed.
It was the day after the full moon, that Remus, who was still in bed, nudged her out the door to go do something fun.
Sasha didn't argue much. She knew that Remus wouldn't approve, but Sasha practically made a beeline to Dumbledore's office.
"Ah, Miss Khudaiberdieva, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Dumbledore said as she walked in.
"Well... Remus will probably be mad at me for this but, I need to ask you something."
Dumbledore looked at Sasha with good-natured curiosity. "I'm sure we don't have to tell Remus what we might discuss here. Go ahead then, I'm all ears."
"Do you know how Harry Potter survived the killing curse?" Sasha blurted out.
Dumbledore only seemed ever so slightly taken aback. "Oh, and here I thought you were going to ask me about your father."
Sasha looked down at her nails. "Oh, I think I know all I need to know about that subject," she quickly justified.
"Very well. The killing curse. I understand you have a... fascination with it," Dumbledore said.
Sasha had no idea why he knew this but nodded.
"Remus told me about the... self-imposed quest you set in when you witnessed that horrific act at just nine-years-old."
"Oh." She had not been expecting that.
"Remus thought you might come asking about it, that's why he told me. Now, I will tell you this, Miss Khudaiberdieva, because I believe that your intentions are noble and that you are mature enough to treat this research carefully, but be warned that it might not be the answer you expect, and I'm afraid it might not make this quest any easier." He paused. "What saved Harry Potter that night, was his mother's love."
Sasha had leaned forward in her seat in anticipation. She frowned. His mother's what now? "I... don't understand, sir."
"The most powerful magic of all... love. Harry's mother sacrificed herself for him, an act of pure love that protected Harry from the killing curse."
Sasha had no way to tell if the man was being serious with this. "Right."
"I know it's a little hard to swallow, but that is the truth. I hope it can be of some help."
Sasha nodded, despite being unsure. "Also, if it might be possible, I wanted to ask if I can check out some books from the Restricted Section of the library."
Dumbledore smiled. "You have my full permission, Miss Khudaiberdieva, but you will have to ask your Uncle Remus to give you access."
Ugh. "Okay. Thank you so much for your help, Professor."
"You are very welcome, Miss Khudaiberdieva."
It took almost a full day of grovelling, but Remus ultimately agreed to let Sasha into the Restricted Section, but just for one hour a day and he had to see all the books she checked out. Sasha didn't have the heart to tell him the Durmstrang library had worse books free for all.
There were some interesting reads in the Hogwarts library, though nothing about the killing curse that she didn't already know. And Dumbledore's whole love thing hadn't helped much so far.
The library had been closed because of the holidays and Sasha had been shocked when a girl showed up after they had opened the doors asking if she could come in too.
Sasha wanted to tell the girl who introduced herself as Hermione that she should go out and have some fun but Remus seemed to think this girl's behaviour was totally normal and let her stay.
Sasha woke up to a small pile of presents on New Year's Eve. Her mother and she hadn't usually exchanged presents on New Year's, but when she'd started school, most of her friends did, and she felt bad not giving them presents in exchange. It was also the time she would give Remus a Christmas present since she was usually still in school during English Christmas. It was their little arrangement for their difference in religion. She'd gift him on Christmas and he'd gift her on Eid. Paul and Brooke would usually give her something on Christmas as well as Eid because they claimed to feel weird about not getting her a Christmas present. Which Sasha thought was kind of dumb since they never spent Christmas together either way.
Her best friend Alina had sent her some novels (she always said it wasn't healthy to read so much non-fiction), and her other good friend Viktor had sent her an extremely beautiful gold necklace that was probably too expensive. And her only dormmate who didn't hate her (most of the time), Vasilisa had sent her some candy.
Remus walked out of his room. "S novim godom!"
Sasha cringed. His Russian seemed to be actually getting worse. "I vas takzhe."
Remus frowned. "Okay, I don't know that much."
"I literally just said you too."
Alexandra was in a good mood for the rest of the day. She was especially shocked when at breakfast, Dumbledore announced there would be a special New Year's feast that night.
Sasha loved any excuse to dress up, so she pulled out her deep red dress robes and spent extra time taming her hair.
Even Remus had dished out his good robes and run a comb through his hair.
Arriving at the Great Hall proved that no one else had taken the care to dress up too but Sasha didn't particularly care. It was usually just her and Remus anyway, so the mere fact of having some more people around was great.
Dumbledore seemed delighted by Sasha's extravagant getup. "So, I understand that New Year is the holiday to celebrate in Russia, am I correct, Miss Khudaiberdieva?"
Sasha nodded intently. Delightfully shoving food onto her plate. "Yes, it's like our Christmas."
Harry's friend Ron seemed shocked. "So you don't have Christmas?"
Only Harry, his two friends, and a handful of other students had remained behind for the holidays.
"We do, but New Year is a bigger deal."
"How?"
Sasha shrugged. "It's just how things are."
"So if you're Russian, how come you're Professor Lupin's niece?" Hermione asked Sasha later in the evening.
"Well, I'm not his actual biological niece, I just say he's my uncle because he was close friends with my mother who was Russian but lived here in England for years, where she met Remus."
"So, your father's Russian?"
God, what an inquisitive little thing. Sasha relented. "No, he's British."
"But you don't live in England? I mean, because of your accent."
"Um, that's right, I live in Canada, usually. I just come to visit Remus out here during my winter break most years." Partly because by the time she got out of school, Christmas for all her loved ones had already passed either way, but also partly because she didn't want Remus to get too lonely in England by himself. But she wasn't about to say that to a room full of his co-workers and students.
"How'd you end up in Canada if your mother is Russian and your father British?"
Sasha was starting to get slightly anxious at these questions but figured there was no harm in this girl asking. She tried to give the simplest answer. "Well, my family lived here in Britain during the war, and we didn't have a great time during it, so my mum picked a place that sounded peaceful to move to and we ended up in the middle of nowhere, Canada."
"Hm."
"God, Hermione, stop questioning her!" Harry told his friend.
Sasha had sensed some tension between them and didn't want to add fuel to the fire. "Oh, it's okay. I know I might seem interesting but I promise I'm very boring."
Most people left well before midnight, but Sasha and Remus stayed behind so that they could toast the new year in. Harry and Ron stayed too, more to bandwagon than anything. Hermione left, Sasha felt bad for the girl. She'd stayed behind for the holidays with her friends only to have them gang up on her for more than half of them.
Dumbledore had stayed, but his old ass had been snoozing in his chair since half ten.
As the hour approached, Sasha discreetly poured two champagne flutes before starting to count down, looking at the big clock Dumbledore had brought into the Great Hall specifically for this occasion. "Ten, nine, eight..."
Sasha handed Remus a flute. He took it. "Where the hell did you get this?" He glanced nervously at Dumbledore, still snoozing.
"He's asleep! Four, three, two, one." Sasha clinked her glass against Remus's and Harry and Ron's sodas. "Happy New Year! S novim godom!"
She took a large sip from her drink.
"Okay, that's enough." Remus put his hands out as if to take the drink from Sasha.
She offered her glass to the boys. "You guys want some?"
Remus managed to snatch the flute from her hand this time. "Okay, time for bed."
Sasha woke up late the next day.
As she made her way to the Great Hall for breakfast, she spotted Harry and Ron loitering in front of the Hall, Hermione a few steps aside. They all had some sour looks on their face.
Harry wasted no time getting up on Sasha's face. "How dare you show up here?"
Sasha frowned. "Well, I just wanted some breakfast—"
"You know what I mean," his little face was all scrunched up in anger. "You're his daughter!"
Oh. "How did you find out?"
"I figured it out," Hermione spoke up in a shaky voice. "Back when we found out Black might be after Harry, I read up all I could about him. There are some articles that mention the four-year-old daughter he left behind, and one mentions your mother's name, Khudaiberdieva, not that common a name."
Alexandra cringed internally at Hermione pronouncing her surname with a hard 'k' at the beginning but figured it wasn't the time to say something about it. "So that was what all the questioning was about last night. You might be too clever."
She took a deep breath and looked Harry in the eye. "Look, Harry, what I need you to understand is that you were very lucky to have had the parents you had. Not all people have that luck, myself included. I have not seen Sirius Black since the day he got locked up. I do not plan on ever seeing him again. I very much do not remember him and I have absolutely zero sense of loyalty to him. Do you understand?"
"But you're his daughter!" Ron put in. "You probably inherited his Death Eater genes or something. We can't know you're not helping him!"
"No, you can't. But I was hoping you'd take my word for it."
Harry seemed deep in thought. A crease between his brows. "He's the reason my parents are dead."
"I know that. And I wish things were different. But I can't do anything about the cards I've been dealt. I can only tell you that I am not like him and I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but please try to see things from my point of view. You can't choose your family."
This seemed to ring a bell with Harry. "I... I don't know."
"That's okay. I'll stay out of your way, but please consider where I'm coming from." With that, Sasha walked into the Hall.
She'd been under the impression that Harry didn't know all the details from her father's crimes, but it seemed like someone had told him.
Her breakfast tasted sour.
The next few days saw the return of the rest of the student body. It was intense, to say the least. All of a sudden the castle was bustling with people, Alexandra actually managed to blend in pretty well, only slightly noticeable for her lack of school robes. This also meant that Harry had an easier time avoiding her, which she guessed was for the best.
With Remus having to teach again, Sasha found herself pretty bored. That was until Hagrid asked her to assist him in some of his lessons, which Sasha gladly agreed to.
Alexandra chased after some blast-ended skrewts by the edge of the Forbidden Forest after Hagrid's Fifth Year lesson had just ended. Those damned things were not easy to grab.
As she desperately scoured the ground for a sign of the creatures, an overwhelming cold suddenly went through her. It pierced through her skin right into her heart. She felt an overwhelming emptiness where her heart used to be.
She heard her mother's shrieks, so loud, so raw. Then the overwhelming silence.
No, no, no.
She was suddenly a little girl again, hiding under the bed.
Then she heard a voice in the distance. "You're okay, you're okay."
Then a dog barking far away.
"Pochemu, mamochka? Ne ovstavlyay menya."
She felt a hand stroking her cheek.
She opened her eyes. At some point, she'd fallen to the ground, but she could tell she wasn't entirely lying down. Someone was holding her up. She looked up to see a rosy-cheeked boy. She remembered seeing him in Hagrid's class. She'd thought he was cute. She hadn't caught his name.
Whatever had caused Sasha to react this way had vanished. "What just happened?"
The boy smiled weakly. "The dementors approached you, I don't know why." He looked slightly pale. They'd affected him too.
Sasha tried to control her quick breathing. "Dementors. Of fucking course."
The boy chuckled weakly. "I'm Cedric, by the way."
Sasha's mouth turned up. "I'm Alexandra. Nice to meet you, thanks for saving me."
"I hardly did anything."
Before Alexandra could reply, she heard her Uncle's frantic yelling.
"Sasha! Sasha!"
Remus reached them, followed closely by Hagrid. He dropped to his knees beside her. "Are you okay? What happened?"
"It was the dementors," Cedric replied. Sasha was thankful she didn't have to speak.
"Did you drive them off, son?"
"No, I don't know why they left. I think some of the other ones came to get them."
"Well, I'll take her to the hospital wing now."
"Do you need a hand, Professor?"
Remus shook his head. "No, I can manage."
"I can walk, I'm fine," Sasha tried to stand up since she knew Remus couldn't carry her but her legs felt like jelly.
She was upright for less than a second before her legs started giving out. Cedric caught her before she hit the ground.
"Maybe you should carry her," Remus relented.
Cedric put an arm around her torso and another behind her knees and picked her up easily.
Oh, Cedric is buff, was all Sasha could think.
They started walking up to the castle.
"Sir, earlier she passed out for a few seconds and started muttering in some strange tongue, I don't know if that should be cause for concern," said Cedric.
Sasha wanted to laugh but she didn't have the energy.
"That was probably Russian, her mother tongue. I'm sure she'll be fine once we get some chocolate in her."
There was a bit of a hassle in the castle as they walked in.
Professor Sprout approached them. "Remus, we just got word, Sirius Black has been sighted just outside the castle grounds."
Remus was right. She felt much better after eating some (an obscene amount of, really) chocolate.
Remus had practically made Cedric race to the hospital wing after Professor Sprout had dropped that bomb on them in the Entrance Hall. Then Cedric had been banished to his common room, where all students were supposed to do a headcount and keep everyone safe.
Sasha didn't know how to feel about the news of her father being sighted just outside the grounds. She'd been just inside the grounds when it happened. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe he'd spotted her through the gates. She didn't know what to make of this.
Nothing seemed to come out of the sighting. After a few hours, things were starting to go back to normal, even though no one was allowed outside the castle for the time being.
Remus tried to force Alexandra to stay in the hospital wing overnight but she downright refused. She was not going to spend her last few days at Hogwarts on bedrest that she didn't need.
She spent some time in the library and a lot of time wandering around the castle. She obliged her Uncle's wishes and stayed inside the next few days. Well, until she found out there would be a Quidditch match. That Sasha just had to see for herself.
The game was Ravenclaw vs Slytherin. Sasha had no idea if either team was good, and as much as she did want to watch some good Quidditch, she also wanted the satisfaction of knowing the Durmstrang Quidditch teams were better — which was a given, but some confirmation would be nice.
"Alexandra! Hey!"
Sasha paused to see Cedric walking up behind her. He seemed to also be heading to the Quidditch pitch. "Oh, hello Cedric."
His cheeks seemed to be permanently flushed, which Sasha thought was unbelievably cute. "I meant to go check on you at the hospital wing after the whole Black sighting but by the time they let me out of my common room, you were gone."
"Yeah, I just really hate feeling like an invalid, so I left."
A small smile crept up Cedric's face. "That's understandable." They walked together towards the pitch. "I meant to ask you... you're not a student here, right? I feel like I would've seen you before."
Sasha smiled. "Oh, no. I go to the Durmstrang Institute, actually. But Lupin is my uncle, and I usually spend the winter holidays with him, hence my staying here right now."
Cedric's brows raised slightly in surprise. "Durmstrang? That's... interesting."
"'S alright," she didn't feel like discussing that any further. "What House are you in?"
He smiled. "Oh, Hufflepuff."
Sasha nodded. She could totally see that. "Who are you supporting today, then? If your team's not playing?"
"Definitely Ravenclaw. I'm actually on my House team."
Sasha perked up. "No way! You'll have to fill me in on the goings-on of the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup!"
"Do you play?"
Sasha laughed. "Oh nooo. But I do really like to watch."
The conversation veered towards Quidditch. Cedric explained to her some of what was going on in the Hogwarts Cup, but they eventually end up talking about the British and Irish League. Sasha found out Cedric was a fan of the Montrose Magpies, which she found it in her heart to forgive him for. And she found it refreshing to talk about Quidditch with a guy who won't immediately assume she couldn't be a real fan because she was a girl or that she only followed Quidditch because of the cute guys; which was how about ninety per cent of the guys at Durmstrang behaved. Cedric eventually asked her if she was planning on attending the World Cup during the summer just as the game set off.
"Oh, I will definitely be there. There is literally nothing that could keep me away."
Cedric smiled. "My dad said he'd try to get tickets. So maybe I'll see you there."
Alexandra couldn't help but return his smile. "Maybe so."