Chapter Four

They had been dead for nearly four weeks when Zuko got the letter. It was a simple thing. He was pretty sure Azula had written it herself. It was almost flattering.

Remember the last thing dad said to you? If he were writing this, I imagine he'd say something like "Let this be a lesson to you." -Azula.

The casualty reports had come next, all five of them. The last members of the 41st division. They had told him… one of the terms of his banishment had been that when he returned home with the Avatar any and all remaining members of the 41st would be removed from active duty. He'd been running as fast as he could, trying to find and capture the avatar before the 41st went to battle. Every time he'd gotten another casualty report from them he'd felt… like he'd failed. Like he needed to try harder- like if he'd been trying just a little harder from the start he would have been able to save them.

Now they were all gone. He'd failed all of them. Zuko felt curiously numb, like some God had decided he really couldn't handle this right now and spooned his feelings out of him.

Zuko lay the letter, and the reports, on the table in the mess hall where he'd read them. He usually read the reports in his room but… he'd seem actual handwriting on it. He'd thought- well, it didn't matter what he'd thought, he hadn't waited. Zuko gently smoothed the sheets out on the table. Then he turned- walking away. There really weren't many places to go on this ship- but that didn't matter much. He just needed to be… away.

Iroh saw the curiosity and barely repressed excitement cross his nephew's face as he opened his letter, then the pain, then… nothing.

He watched Zuko smooth the letter against the table and walk away.

Iroh winced as he read Azula's words. That child could truly be cruel. Leaving the notes and the reports on the table, he followed his nephew. Iroh would be there to offer Zuko comfort, even if Zuko wouldn't accept it. What else were Uncle's for?

Akimo knew that reading other people's mail was probably wrong. But for both princes to have such a strong reaction to something so… short, and then just leave it on the table begging to be read…

He read it, and the casualty reports. He didn't quite understand what was going on, but he felt himself bristle on Zuko's behalf. He wondered, briefly, what the last words the Fire Lord had said to Zuko were. He wondered why the 41st division meant something to the prince. He wondered why they sent Zuko the casualty reports.

…There's only five left now…

There had been five left. Now he had five casualty reports in his hand. So these people- who Zuko cared about- were all dead. And it was… a lesson?

The doctor walked over to Akimo, silently holding a hand out for the letter. Akimo passed it over, along with the reports. They went from hand to hand, every man reading them in silence before passing them on. Lieutenant Jee was last.

For a moment, everyone was silent. Finally, Lieutenant Jee spoke. "What does that even mean?" he asked.

One by one, all of them turned towards Akimo. Akimo felt a moment of discomfort at their scrutiny. "I don't know the full story-"he said, if there was ever an understatement that would be it, "but I can tell you what I do know." And he did. Except for the part about the Fire Lord Ozai having his wife murder Fire Lord Azulon in exchange for her son's life. That knowledge really could get them all killed.

Zuko was leaning against the railing. Iroh knew that there was only one other person on deck, too far away to hear them. Iroh lay his hand on Zuko's shoulder. "How do you feel?" he asked.

He wasn't quite sure if Zuko had heard him, but Zuko didn't shrug off his hand, so that was some progress. Zuko took a long breath before releasing it, still looking out to sea.

"I failed," Zuko said softly. "If I'd managed to capture the Avatar anytime in the last two years I could have saved some of them- but I didn't. And now they're dead. All of them. Those that survived that first- if I'd captured the Avatar they would have been removed from active duty."

Iroh let out a long breath. "Did Ozai promise to keep them off of active duty for the rest of the war?" he asked.

Zuko hesitated before shaking his head.

"If those men hadn't been there, do you think Ozai would have stopped? Or would he have just sent another group of soldiers in?" Even if your soldiers hadn't died, someone would have. The General who fights for the lives of his men will always lose- because no matter the engagement some of them will always die.

Zuko hesitated again. "Someone else would have died." He said.

Iroh nodded. "It is good to care," he said, "It is also good to recognize that this is not your fault. There is a war going on. People will die."

Zuko took a shuddering breath. "But- isn't there a way for less people to die? They didn't have to be sacrificed- slaughtered. There are other ways to fight…"

Iroh could almost hear the aren't there? At the end of that sentence. "Yes," Iroh said, "There are other ways to fight, ways that would lead to less death but a slower expansion of the empire. That is something Ozai doesn't care about- he wants his empire to grow. He does not stop to consider the cost of getting what he wants." And he doesn't regret anything.

Zuko finally turned, looking away from the ocean and towards Iroh. His eyes were watery with tears he wouldn't let himself cry. "I- I just wanted- I thought I could save them. I just wanted to save some of them." His voice choked off at the end. At times like this Iroh was forcibly reminded that his nephew was a very lost fifteen-year old boy.

Iroh wrapped his arms around his nephew. Zuko stood stiffly for a moment before relaxing into Iroh's embrace. "You did the best you could nephew," Iroh said. "The best anyone could have. This is not your fault."

Iroh was fairly certain that Zuko didn't believe him. But Zuko didn't back away either. He didn't hug back, but he let Iroh support him. It was progress.

Zuko went to bed early that night. The crew was prepared. They had taken all the tea supplies to the mess hall. The General would come for them. And then they could ask the General what in Agni's name as going on.

Akimo waited along with most of the crew, which was everyone who wasn't needed to run the ship for the next hour or so, for General Iroh. He was not long in coming. He didn't seem surprised to see them gathered there. Instead he simply took a seat at the head of the table.

"What would you like to know?" he asked, calmly.

"What is the 41st division?" Akimo asked. He didn't know for sure, but it seemed like the 41st division, the scar, and the banishment all went together somehow. And asking why the Fire Lord had decided to melt off half of a thirteen-year old's face seemed to lack tact.

The General sighed, softly. "This story is not mine- but perhaps it is better that I tell you. Zuko most certainly would not."

He told them about the 41st, the general, the Fire Lord, and Zuko's banishment. For several long moments after he finished speaking the crew was silent. Remember the last thing dad said to you? If he were writing this, I imagine he'd say something like "Let this be a lesson to you." The last thing Fire Lord Ozai had said to his son was "You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."

"Your family is really messed up General Iroh. Sir." Akimo said.

Iroh's lips quirked up into something almost resembling a smile. "You don't know the half of it." Akimo believed him.

When Zuko woke up the next morning he still felt awful. But also- somehow- at little bit better. He knocked on Uncle's door. Uncle was making tea- which shouldn't have been surprising, he was always making tea. "I've been thinking about what you said." Zuko began.

Uncle didn't turn, but Zuko knew he had his attention. "If I'd captured the Avatar and come home I would have been able to save the men in the 41st, but I doubt the generals would have abandoned the plan entirely. They would just have sent someone else."

Zuko didn't say anything else for a moment. Thoughts were roiling around in his head, a mess of squid-eels he couldn't even begin to untangle. He'd wanted to get back to the Fire nation so he could be home. So he could save the 41st. So he could earn his father's love. So he could regain his honor. He still wanted to go home- he still wanted to be able to protect people. But if he went back- even with the Avatar… that didn't mean people would listen to him. Would he make it back to the Fire Nation just to get kicked back out again for speaking out in another war meeting? Was it right to remain silent? To watch people be sacrificed and do nothing?

For the time being, he shoved those thoughts, those doubts, to the back of his mind. "Uncle," he said, "I couldn't protect the 41st. I didn't have power there. But I do have power here. I already saved Akimo- I can keep the rest of them alive. I'm going to protect them- and I'm going to get them home."

A/N: I almost put in a scene with Azula. I thought about it. Basically, Ozai wasn't going to tell Zuko the rest of the 41st was dead. Ozai was going to let him keep trying to save people who were already dead. Azula was… almost kind in telling him sooner. I didn't put it in 'cause it didn't fit with the flow of the story- but, anyways- make of that what you will.