She floated just outside the Earth's atmosphere, it seemed like the best place to stay. She had let herself simmer down, though had no idea how long it had taken to get back to even a vaguely coherent state of mind. The ring was still shining bright, high off the power it had been fed. Lingering thoughts floated as freely as she did. She hoped everything that went through her head was the ring's influence and not how she really saw it all. Hope was all she had as even after allowing herself some time, the resentment remained. Blaming the universe and herself for her plight was the recurring conclusion.
She looked down on the planet, it was her duty to protect it. All this personal sacrifice and it just keeps turning without a care. She rubbed her face, after everything she did not even get the chance to talk to Kal about what she was going through. Not knowing what to do she remained idle, telling herself she needed more time to recover from the ordeal. The hum had died down significantly, if anything the ring would at least be satisfied for a while. The chance to take that break Lena kept insisting on might be a real possibility.
"What in death's name happened to your hand?" A voice sounded off next to her. She looked down at it, she had already forgotten half of it had melted away. Fortunately, in space the smell of her charred flesh did not carry through and it was already reforming. Despite the speed of the healing, it was vulgar to look at. She turned to the red glow and beauty of Bleez, she had been so wrapped up in her own head that she had not noticed her arrival.
"How'd you find me?" Kara said, almost welcoming any excuse to get out of her own head. Bleez chuckled and stretched out her wings.
"My darling, you may not have noticed but the rage coming from here was rather strong. If it weren't so fleeting I'd have thought Atrocitus himself was here," Bleez said.
"Well, he isn't," she said. Bleez looked confused, the statement seemed to make no sense to her.
"So…" Bleez said.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said, more forcefully than she had intended.
"Message received, I simply came by to see what my ring picked up on. I think someone more sensible than I would have gone the opposite direction, mind," Bleez said. She joined her in looking down at the planet. "I take it you're rather fond of it."
"What's it to you?" she said.
"Curious my dear, nothing more," Bleez' ring glimmered as she spoke. "I can get out of your hair if you wish. Kara said nothing and continued to stare at the Earth. The lights on the dark side danced out into the inky blackness around them.
"As I don't have a whole lot more to say and I haven't run into many more Red Lanterns before whatever your outburst was, I guess I'll get back to the whole scoping them out thing," Bleez said, she fluttered around her a few times before looking to head off.
"Wait," Kara said, snapping her gaze away from the planet.
"Something to say to me now, I'm all ears," Bleez said. Her unending flirtatious tone was surprisingly soothing.
"Is this what being a Red Lantern is? A constant fight to control ourselves? Living with the hate for myself and everyone else. Constantly suppressing that urge to lash out at anyone the ring deems deserving?" she said. Bleez seemed surprised by the question and considered it for a moment.
"I must admit, until I met you I would have laughed at that description," Bleez said.
"Why's that?" she said.
"Though I'm better than most, the notion of control and that much… how shall I say it? Self-awareness." Bleez paused for a moment to look her over.
"For us it's never been part of the equation. We act on our ring's will until it's done, slaves to it. You however, seem to be equal to it. Able to calm yourself down and go against it without it giving up to find a new host," Bleez said. Kara nodded, though she was unsure what to make of her perspective.
"I know why I have this thing, I know I hate this thing," she said fiddling with it on what was left of her hand. "You seem so content with yours." Bleez gave a small nod and seemed to be thinking hard on the statement.
"I greatly enjoyed my life before the Corps, but there was a turning point…" Kara sensed a strong welling up of anger inside Bleez.
"Don't let it in," she said. Bleez was confused again, looking down at her ring and back to her. Her intense look dropped to a sullen expression, it was as if she had never encountered such simple advice.
"I'll just say the ring came to me when I needed it most and gave me the power to stop the injustice being done to me. Now I do the same for many others, or I can avenge those who weren't as lucky as I was, the ones who don't get to be saved," Bleez said.
"Is that what being a Red Lantern is to you, a vessel of revenge with no process or questioning?" Kara said.
"We're often painted as insane or evil because the rings choose such extreme methods and burn away at our own free will at times, but I've never killed anyone who hasn't deserved it. The innocent are safe from us, that seems to be the part most people forget," she said.
"Innocence..." Kara cut herself off, wandering what exactly that meant. How much innocence did Sam have when she became Reign. How innocent was she when she forced the Daxamites away. The absolute judgement of the Red Lanterns seemed far too broad for situations with no clear right answer. "You don't question what you do and how you do it?"
"Until you, my dear, I didn't even know it was an option," she said. Kara could not help but smile statement. It was unexcepted, but welcome. It sounded to her like the hospital ordeal was how most Red Lanterns felt all the time, the fact she could push herself that far and come back from it was reassuring in its own way. This realisation seemed to quieten the hum and make the loud beat of her heart a bit less noticeable.
"Thank you, Bleez, for talking about this with me," Kara said. Bleez seemed peculiarly flustered by the gratitude.
"I… Er… you're welcome?" dropping that tone of hers. Kara laughed at her.
"I appreciate what you have to say, is it so difficult to accept gratitude," she said. Bleez seemed to have no idea where to look.
"You really are the polar opposite of Atrocitus," Bleez said, uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"I've kept you long enough, but please come back soon," she said.
"I will. It was good to talk, Supergirl," Bleez said, hesitating as she spoke. Intentionally or not, Bleez dropped her habit of showy flight as she went back out into the stars.
Kara pouted at the planet, her mind had cleared for the most part and even just the small snippet from Bleez had given her a lot to think about. Feeling introspective, she remembered why she came to Metropolis in the first place. She floated back down through the atmosphere and Metropolis grew from a speck to a city as she sped through the sky. Not too far beneath the sky-line Kal came to her.
"Are you okay? What happened?" he said, genuine concern on his face.
"I needed to be… angry for a bit. Did I miss anything?" she said.
"Not much, just clean-up here and there. Unfortunately, that shout of yours burst a few ear-drums, no permanent damage from what I gathered," he said.
"Is this the part where you tell me what I did was wrong," she said, catching herself and realising maybe she was a lot less calm than she originally thought.
"Not at all, you just did a great thing. Even turned down a chance at a fight." He struggled to make eye contact and was notably uncomfortable. "I think we both know I'm handling this whole Red Lantern thing poorly. I'm doing my best…"
"It's fine," she said. There was a moment of silence between them, Kal tried to regain his composure.
"Lena and I talk, you know. She told me you're supposed to be taking a break," he said.
"Did she now?" she said.
"I trust you, Kara. But Lena has a point, holding onto that much anger for so long will take its toll," he said.
"Like you'd know," she said.
"I've had my own struggles, Kara. We all do, it doesn't make us bad people," he said.
"Doesn't look like it. You're so relentlessly positive and forgiving. I've become something you can barely understand. I've done things that go against everything you believe, but here you are doing what you can to encourage me," she said.
"It's who I am, who I have to be. People are so willing to focus on the bad that it can drown out those who can forgive. Sometimes one person's kindness is all it takes to turn a life around," he said. She wished it was a sentiment she could get behind, that a switch could just be flipped and all her doubts would disappear.
"You never lapse. Never get tired or just want to give up and accept that some people can't be helped," she said. Kal chuckled.
"Never is a very strong word, as I said, I've had struggles. Even if it isn't doesn't show, I have my troubles every now and then. It's those times where I look to the people I love to support me. I may not understand everything you do, but you're on the right path. Alex and Lena can keep you grounded, and although I know it's something I admit I've avoided and failed at. I can be here for you as well should you need it," he said. Kara raised an eyebrow.
"Is that something you actually want?" She said. Kal laughed again.
"Am I that obvious? What you've become confuses me, but I know your reasons are just. And should you want me to, I'll do everything I can to understand and support you," he said. Kara sighed.
"I want to hate you sometimes, I really do. You're so sickeningly perfect, it's a shame I just can't bring myself to do it," she said.
"I think that was a compliment, though I assure you I am far from perfect. You've seen that yourself multiple times," he said, she remained sceptical.
"You're looking after the child of someone you never knew, separated from her mother because of something I did. You never even mentioned it, didn't look for praise or recognition. It's just what you do. The right thing without question," she said. He looked away from her.
"You met Ruby then," he said.
"She seems to be a fan of yours," she said, knowing it would make him uncomfortable.
"You say I don't have struggles, but every time I look at that girl I'm reminded how I failed her mother. I couldn't protect her, I was helpless…" he said. She heard no blame in his tone, only sadness. That had been her intention at the time, the ring's burning desire to get back at him forcing her barbaric nature. Kal began speaking again before she could muster the will to argue.
"But I also failed you. Instead of trying to reach you, I stood by and watched. I let it happen because I was lost. If I was so perfect I would have known what to do. If I were so perfect I would have recognised what I had been driving you toward and done right by you," he said. She wanted to tell him not to blame himself and that the fault was solely hers, but her words would have been insincere. Everything she had done and Kal was blaming himself. The answers she sought would not come from him, his view was too pure. Being so whole-heartedly good was his nature and lacked the comprehension of where her anger stemmed. There was more to say, though neither of them spoke. She watched the clouds go by and let the long silence between them fester until a pang of guilt forced her hand.
"I came to Metropolis for you, Kal. It's because it's what you're the best at. Don't forget, don't doubt." She broke the silence suddenly, instinctively saying it before she could give it much thought. A smile curled up on the side of his mouth.
"Maybe not the best, it wasn't me that saved the hospital," he said.
"I didn't mean the powers or the whole saving the day schtick. It's your words and attitude that carry through just as much, all this power yet you can do so much without the cape," she said. Kal cocked his head.
"Superman and Supergirl can do amazing things, so can Clark Kent and Kara Danvers," he said.
"I don't think I know what Kara Danvers is any more," she said, the ring twinkled.
"Maybe it's time to find her again, you told me that the power cuts was a someone and not a something. Dust off the old notepad and do some good old-fashioned investigation, no ring needed for that," he said. She responded with a non-committal grunt. They stayed for a while longer, watching the city go by. The revs of engines were starting up again. Car horns beeped in the slow traffic and the smell of exhaust rose. Nothing more was said.