I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do. Rated R raw humor, language some OOC, Lime
It's Halloween Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha are having their yearly pre-Halloween practical joke war and depravity has no limits. Jaken foolishly pranks the hellion hanyou and it's hilarious revenge time. Inuyasha gets wicked revenge on pesky foxes who get a surprise they'll never forget. A/N sorry for the redo's I've been having trouble with uploads. Written for Halloween 2011, Happy Halloween everybody. complete one shot. Updated extended Oct 5 2020 Inuyasha/Kagura, Sessh/Kag
Happy Freakin Halloween
By Raven 2010
Oops did I let that slip. serving it up raw
"So little brother, when are you going to tell? He was cut off by a large hand over his mouth
"Shut it Frank-Sesshoumaru-enstein I'll kill you," he could feel Sesshoumaru laughing "Ow bastard," the hanyou snapped after his hand was bitten
"Very well wimpy Wally,"
"Hey that's one of my lines," Inuyasha griped
"Well I borrowed it so too bad,"
"Striped bass oops I mean bastard,"
"Inuyasha is,"
"Illlllll kill you," he yelled like Sesshoumaru wanted to draw attention to them "Shit" then clamped a hand over his mouth
"Too late now fool,"
"I don't not care if you two cretins kill each other but if you destroy my house in the process I will terminate you myself," Sugimi promised "Now what is this all about?
"Nothing father,"
"Yeah we were just kidding around," Inuyasha tried
"Bullshit, the way youngest bellowed and threatened death it is not as you say nothing, now talk or I will turn you both into girls with one swipe of my claws,"
"Little brother has I mean is mad,"
"Finish that sentence and die," the irate hanyou said
"I want info and I want it now," Sugimi bit
"Little brother is mad crushing on Kagura his dream girl he calls her name in his sleep and during sexy dreams," Sesshoumaru said it so fast Inuyasha didn't have time to stop him
"You son of a bitch," Inuyasha was so mad he was redder than his fire rat robe "Oh somebody kill me please,"
"Crush, or is it more like love?" Sesshoumaru needled
The others were watching
"Kagura hear that dog breath has it bad for ya," Kouga said
"Wow" the pale with shock demoness replied "I never knew well he is hot and so sexy,"
"Go for it girl," Kagome Ayame and Sango coaxed pushing her forward into the room
"Inuyasha"
"Uh oh," he nervously exclaimed hearing her voice "Hey, what the hell?" he said when she latched onto one furry ear "Oh she's pissed,"
"Kagura is mad crushing on you to puppy toes," Kagome could not resist
"Wench how many times do I have to tell you I ain't a puppy,"
"Let's go," Kagura exclaimed pulling him onto her feather
"Whatcha gonna do with me? He asked she whispered something in his ear "Oh shit," then they readied to fly away
"Remember who got you laid," Sesshoumaru teased
"Really I can play too," Sesshoumaru's face suddenly went deadly serious and deathly white "Ha knew that'd hit home," now Sesshoumaru was the target
"Son what ungodly thing are you up to?
"Well since you asked dearest father," he was cut off
"Inuyasha" Sesshoumaru snapped warningly
"Sesshy is hot for Kaggy's frame I mean smoking hot, in his dreams oh Kagome yes ride me I think he actually creams his undies,"
"My claws need sharpening guess what I'm grooming them on," Sesshoumaru who's eyes tinted red and his cheek stripes went jagged bit
"Laters bunny," the hanyou taunted then got Kagura to fly off
"Remember son I want grandpups," Sugimi yelled he couldn't resist tormenting his youngest laughing hard when he heard Inuyasha gasp "And you Sesshoumaru I think the miko would make a fine mate,"
Sesshoumaru growled "Note to self kill hanyou later," he fumed, Kagome gasped standing there to frozen in shock to move
"Congrats Kaggy," her female companions said
3 Days later
"Ya mangy striped butt licker," Inuyasha wisecracked "What did store bought chocolate get outlawed?
"Good coming from he who can deep throat a three foot long fat jumbo sausage," Sesshoumaru replied "What happened did the beavers clamp their hairy little lips shut denying you entry? Sad really because your tongue is you're only asset and talent" aw did tiny Yasha die from nonuse? Hang on lil bro I'll dig a grave out back for him, poor thing rest in peace little fella,"
"Oh that's the flaming kill shot there," Kouga said to Sugimi
"Beavers hairy lips only talent deep throat three foot jumbo sausage oh my poor stomach I'm dying," the laughing dog demon replied
"There, there Inupapa Kouga is here breathe man breathe," the wolf teased rubbing his back
"Whoa Sessh is slicing and serving it up raw," Kagura whispered "Raunchy dog,"
"Termite eaten can't pump tree stump chump" Inuyasha shot back
"Log stroker, oops my apologies you cannot stroke a splinter," Sesshoumaru retorted "Chafing from your futile attempts are you? Tweezers weren't meant for whacking off fool guess that means a vacuum cleaner hose BJ is out poor baby,"
"Cough, shit," Sugimi exclaimed "Vacuum cleaner hose blow job ouch" wait you don't think they really do that do you?
"Well maybe dog breath but not Sessh he's to classy and not the type," laughing Kouga added
"Says the trying to stroke his matchstick dick" why don't you just give it a mercy killing lop it off then use your fingers in the hole like all the other girls do? Stroke the kitty make it purr then comb it's silky fur" Inuyasha jabbed
"Aw little brother do not blame me or be jealous because my log is longer way stronger and meatier than yours," Sasshoumaru shot back "You could always get a transplant."
"Hah you wish, Carlton comes to quick damn ya couldn't even last five seconds poor girls are getting cheated," the hanyou smirked "I'd let ya borrow mine but he'd be way too much for you to handle Randle vroom, vroom bang beavers to the moon,"
"Hm if you can call not releasing the hostages until the female has had at least an hour or more of pleasure with multiple eruptions fast than I am indeed proudly guilty of that crime Donny dead rod don't come at all because he never got started in the first place," Sesshoumaru needled "Which is why you are widely known as frosty frigid no hanky panky flaccid Franky,"
"Uh oh they're playing the letters game," Kagome exclaimed
"The letters gam," Sango asked
"Yes as youngest pup did Carlton comes to quick couldn't even last five seconds poor girls are getting cheated four C's, and eldest used Donny dead rod don't come at all three D's, frosty frigid no hanky panky flaccid Franky four F's," Sugimi told them
"Well this is new on me but quite humorous," Miroku added in his smooth dignified tone
"Hm" Sesshoumaru responded
"That's all ya got lord high and mighty his pink panties are to tighty? Ah you weak wimpy wench"
'Five four three tw," Kagura started but didn't get to finish
Without another word Sesshoumaru had Inuyasha inside a giant carved with a scary face Halloween pumpkin near the front door. He was dressed in a bright orange bikini with his feet cement glued to the bottom of it and holding a lit in glass candle in his hand that was also glued as well. The seething hanyou merely growled while Sesshoumaru stood watching and smugly smiling evilly
"I know it's early but let me be the first to wish you a happy freaking Halloween little brother," Sesshoumaru taunted "Say cheese Louise and smile pretty." he said then took pictures
"Sesshoumaru you rabid mutt I will get you for this if it is the last thing I do that is a legit promise,"
"Oh dear lord at it already Halloween war starts now," Sugimi commented "Hm should I leave town then come back after
Hell-dog-oween is over? No wait my house may not still be standing if I do"
"Father would you have it or us any other way? Sesshoumaru calmly and innocently answered
"Pop your gonna be a one pup dog daddy when I get the hell out of this damn forsaken thing," Inuyasha said
"Yes as soon as you are eliminated my prayers of being an only pup will have finally been answered, I know being a demon I shouldn't but in advance thank you Kami,"
"Spiritual traitor," Inuyasha needled
"Not to worry little one I will make it quick and painless," Sesshoumaru then let his claws glow green while sadistically smiling
"You know eldest pup there is an upside to all of this" Sugimi said licking his lips
"And that would be? Sesshoumaru asked
"Now we can make Inu pumpkin pie oh it has been far too many years since I've wrapped my lips around one,"
"Yes and topped with whipped cream," Sesshoumaru added to up the poor hanyous stress
"Inu pumpkin pies? I do not believe this shit first homely Harriet traps me then my own rat fink father wants to make fuckin pies out of me" Inuyasha barked
"Sounds yummy I will do the grinding, and you get the pie shells ready," Sesshoumaru said struggling to keep a straight face "Oh my mouth is watering just thinking about it you are right father it has been too many years the whipped cream makes it extra yummy,"
"I'm on it right now," Sugimi replied "Oh a baking we will go, a baking we will go we're gonna have homemade juicy pie yummy, yummy in my tummy," thrilling at his pups distress "Oh yes eldest we mustn't forget to add a dash of vanilla to the whipped cream for extra flavor,"
"I'll make it from scratch even better," Sesshoumaru was truly ruthless in his taunting
"Oh gods my mouth is watering,"
Sesshoumaru started flexing his claws "Do not forget the eggs sugar milk and spices you know how I detest flavorless pastries."
"Not to worry son I'm on it,"
"Ah you know father we haven't cooked together in centuries it has been too long,"
"Yes it always was one of the best times in life we must do this more often,"
"Whaaaaat? You wouldn't do it would you? Inuyasha nervously asked "Friggin cannibals hanyous are poisonous to demons and humans you dummies but if you're feeling suicidal it's your funeral,"
"What do you think? Was Sesshoumaru's cool reply "Hanyou meat is not poisonous to us it is above all others delicious slurp,"
"Asshooooole" Inuyasha bellowed "Nooooo let me live and I promise I will be a good puppy for life," he tried conning
"Yes hanyou steaks? My mouth is watering just imaging it," his elder sibling taunted Inuyasha gasped "Rump steaks are the best part." then Sesshoumaru blew a sleeping powder in his face "Nighty night little brother,"
Inuyasha woke up still groggy he rubbed his heavily lidded eyes once his senses were fully alert he looked and his eyes widened with horror when he found himself inside a huge crust covered pie only his head sticking out seeing smiling wickedly Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru staring at him. Fright took over now he really believed and was certain without a doubt that they really were going to eat him and worse of all his human companions would probably help them do it that thought made his heart ache
"Ah my son the oven is heated and ready," Sugimi said "Wonderful, okay father let's slide the pie in," Sesshoumaru said "Oh I can hardly wait,"
"Hey guys I'll get some ice cream to go with," Kagura was as bad as they were
"Ohhhhh I'm starving just thinking about it," Kagome needled rubbing a fork and knife together as if cutting meat
"My own mate is a traitor," he glared at Kagura "And you two fuckers oh no you don't," Inuyasha yelled broke through the pie leapt and ran shrieking "Sons of bitches dumb ass mutts," he cursed "And you Kagome you double crossing wench,"
"I am deeply wounded," Sesshoumaru feigned hurt
Sugimi and Sesshoumaru were laughing so hard they had to lean against each another to keep from falling over "He, he really believed it," Sugimi got out
"Well in all fairness gentlemen you are very convincing even I momentarily forgot and believed it," Miroku chimed in
"Awww poor puppy,"Kouga said
"Oh gods my stomach he is so easy," Sesshoumaru managed to say "Se Sesshy die now hahahahaha,"
"Aw does our doggy need a tummy rub? Kagome teased making everyone laugh even harder
"Pant, pant whine,"
"Okay Kaggys here," he let her rub his stomach
Out of the closet, a new boney new love and. Inuyasha's twisted revenge, spin cycle
Sesshoumaru had a plan and patiently waited for Inuyasha to pass by a closet as he did using his powers he made the door burst open and a skeleton popped out "Ahhhhhhh" what the hell? He shrieked
Casually "You screamed little brother? Sesshoumaru asked
Inuyasha was about to speak when the skeletons boney hand reached out and stroked his butt then gave it a gentle squeeze "Eeek" what the fuck? This thing's possessed. Get off me you perv pile of dog bone chew toys"
"I believe getting you off is what it is trying to accomplish as long as it is female you have nothing to worry or complain about dear brother," Sesshoumaru teased "So relax and enjoy the ride,"
"What the hell do you mean as long as it's female? You sicko, if I find out it's a boy I will rip your fucking man jewels off you pansy" why don't you let it stroke and choke you're wee Willy? Everyone knows you desperately need it"
"Just as I said" have you gone deaf in your old age? Sit back relax and enjoy the ride I'm sure she or he is an excellent driver from what I see it is very good at and takes it's time with foreplay it will make a fine lover"
Than let it drive you ya dried up virgin, Sesshoumaru you suck you cheap man whor," Inuyasha never got to finish
"What I suck or do not suck you will never know," Simultaneously the skeletons arms went around Inuyasha's neck and legs around his waist, it humped him while its teeth nipped his neck "Get a room," Sesshoumaru wisecracked
"Let go get off you loony bag of soup bones,"
"Perverts, you care not who witnesses your vulgar pelvic I mean public display," Sesshoumaru taunted "Disgusting I now disown you, you are no longer part of this family."
"Ass for brains this fucking thing attacked and is trying to rape me you could at least help," silence "Daaaaaaaaad" no rerply "Dad Sesshoumaru sent a skeleton to rape me help rape,"
"No glove no love," Sugimi yelled back "Don't forget the lube a dry tube is most painful for the female,"
Sesshoumaru applauded "Well at least have the decency to use a condom we would not want any bone inu pups running around" now would we? He needled fighting to keep a straight face "Little brother has a stiffy for his bone lover damn and here I thought you liked some meat on the bones you really are a dog a depraved perverted one,"
"Then why don't you take the bitch and throw a good one into her? What the hell you're both already cold and dead make it your mate while you're at it' what live female wants a cold dead corpse?
"No she is your mate and I would never come between you I will never be guilty of destroying true love," Sesshoumaru teased "Kiss and mark your mate dear brother,"
"Bullshit" Inuyasha bit he was already scheming a dirty trick of his own "If we looked up the definition of full of shit in the dictionary your picture would be right next to it with crap running out of your ears,"
"Wow that constipation has really clogged your pipe no wonder you are so uptight, that is what you get for wearing a thong fool thongs are for girls" then a thought hit him "Hold on I'll be right back the high suction vacuum will empty your clogged pipe fast,"
"High suction WHAAAT? Inuyasha finally managed to get the skeleton off of him then threw it at Sesshoumaru "Here's your boney bitch you take care of her happy humping," Inuyasha wisecracked then left "And if ya can't use your own rent one," he yelled back
"Sesshoumaru my son I swear you become sicker and more depraved every year" Sugimi said
"Be that as it may little brother is just too much fun to torture,"
A few days after
By yearly Invitation Kagome, Sango, Kagura, and the gang arrived that same day to spend Halloween week at the Taisho estate. That night every one bedded down for the night, and Inuyasha put his wicked plan into action Sesshoumaru was in a deep relaxing peaceful sleep. He began to dream she lay behind him her hand slipped down to his crotch then between his thighs and started massaging his male jewels he nearly came
Ready for some late night loving Sesshoumaru turned to face her, in the dark room he could not see her face he kissed her passionately both already naked nothing stood in his way. Still lying on his side Sesshoumaru put her leg over his hip moved his hips forward then slipped in and moved she was like silk on his hot skin. He was about to climax when he awoke and found he was on his side face to face with a skeleton one leg over his hip pumping back and forth
"Inuyasha Sakura Taisho I am going to kill you." Sesshoumaru screamed waking all within the house "You harlot,"
"He added Sakura oh this is bad," Sugimi said "And the fun begins I knew youngest pup was going to do something diabolical,"
"As if Frostymaru" tell me was she everything you dreamed of? Bet she made you harder then you've ever been" hah? Inuyasha taunted "Ouch hurts so good like you knew it would" did you remember to lube your tube first and put your hips into it?
"Sorry lord loveless that is your depravity" have you no dignity or class, must you make your disgusting joys pubic oops I mean publicly known? Oh well puppies are still learning" Inuyasha hated being called a puppy
"Mutt face always was a sick bastard," Kouga said to Miroku "This just proves it,"
"You know it looks like we're going to get better entertainment this Halloween," Miroku replied
"Well here we go girls let's go watch." Kagome said
"Yes lets" Ayame, Sango, and Kagura agreed
Then an evil thought crossed Sesshoumaru's devious mind "I am exhausted I will see you in the morning nighty night all, and you too dog breath," borrowing Kouga's nick name to ball bust said hanyou
"Aw big bro got a woody" got to go play stroke the lizard I mean twig and release the hostages? Inuyasha wisecracked "Don't forget the love lotion wouldn't want to chafe your dog log oops I mean stump with all that rough loving,"
"I am tired bored and you can't count how many gassy rats asses I don't give," Sesshoumaru replied
"Aw come on Sessh" what no revenge no chase rampage blood carnage and trying to kill me. What are you getting old? Cheap skate you're such a buzz kill"
"I have already told you I will not repeat myself goodnight fool," Sesshoumaru answered
"Oh fuck it fine kill joy go to bed stroke the lizard or whatever the hell you're going to do,"
In the kitchen
Cocky and gloating over a false victory Inuyasha went into the kitchen to raid the fridge took out what he wanted poured himself a nice glass of ice cold milk then made a big rare roast beef sandwich. He sat down and was about to bite into it and at the same time he suddenly felt the sandwich leave his hand was being lifted out of the chair
"Nooooooo" he wailed as if robbed of a woman, he then soon found himself spinning in a circle it was at that moment it dawned on him he was inside the washing machine in the wash cycle. It was a front loader so it had a glass door
As he looked out through the glass he saw sadistically smiling Sesshoumaru looking at him and watched in horror while his brother ate his beloved roast beef sandwich and drank his milk. Beef was Inuyasha's favorite meat and also Sesshoumaru'sl, the hanyou gave him the finger. Sesshoumaru's response was dropping his pants and mooning Inuyasha with his bare butt moving from side to side his way of saying kiss my ass. Sugimi entered the kitchen with the others right behind him his eyes widened
"Sesshoumaru Taisho put that thing away nobody wants to see a moon with a split down the middle," Sugimi teased then began laughing so hard he had to put one hand on the table for balance while bent over and nearly died laughing
"My moon is not bothering you." Came Sesshoumaru's cool reply
'Whoa nice ass I would love to give it a bite' Kagome thought after catching a glimpse while Sesshoumaru pulled his pants up
"Does it meet your approval miko? Sesshoumaru who got behind her so fast she didn't see him move whispered in her ear
"Gulp"
"Fear not the others need not know," he teased the poor nervous girl
"Uh oh"
"No need to be nervous you may check out my other assets if you wish," he was enjoying this too much
"Your invitation for me to your assets out che check," she stammered unable to form complete sentences, he wasn't called killing perfection for nothing and it didn't always mean physical death
"Ah hah," was his response
"Now we can call him Spinyasha," Miroku joked seeing the drunken stupor his friend was in
Inuyasha began to change looking dizzy and drunk when the cycle ended Sugimi opened the door and a saw bright neon yellow
hanyou who stepped out on wobbly legs and glazed unfocused eyes looked on. Then it hit their noses an overpowering sickening sweet scent, Sesshoumaru had put his own special concoction in the washing machine dye with extra sweet demon perfume and Inuyasha was drunk as a skunk from it
"Hey pop" how's it banging I mean it hanging? Not too low I hope" Or is it hiding? Hehehe" Inuyasha teased something he'd never ask when sober "Don't wanna scrape poor Gimi snakes belly,"
"Son you are drunk," Sugimi said
"Wheely? No tit I mean shit Sherlock" what was your first clue? Maybe just a wittle bit I don't know" he paused "Wha-what do you think? Hey pop do I have a snake or a beaver? He asked looking at his crotch
"Yes really I know and you are," Sugimi replied then to drive Inuyasha nuts "But as a matter of fact you have both,"
Inuyasha looked "Whaaat? I'm a boy I ain't got no stinking beaver, but I wuv stroking and smoking em if you get my meaning"
"Aw don't worry even though you are a boy girl we still love you anyway," wise ass Kagura teased "But I can't have both I wike girls," Inuyasha replied "Come to my room hot stuff and I'll pwove um prove it to ya,"
"Aw thanks but I never take advantage of drunken males no matter how hot they are,"
"What? It ain't wape um rape if I say yes and I do, wape me wape me,"
"Yes we know you like girls," Sugimi replied "You're widely known as a twenty four hour one man plumbing service,"
"Fweakin ah I mean freakin A full service my customers are never left unsatisfied,"
"Well dog breath you do have a snake and beaver I have pictures to prove it," Kouga needled
"Shut up Kouganna ya wench," the hanyou retorted "Hey pop I'm yellow" hah? Now I'm a lemyou lemon hanyou inu lemon, get it? Hehehe" Inuyasha said "Hey dat means like candy I is an all day sucker" if you get my meaning sucker suck? Nudging his father with one elbow and winking
"Little brother you are a shameless drunken perverted sot," Sesshoumaru said
"Duh rummy um dummy, hey I remember you, you stole ate my sammich I mean sandwich and drank my milk to. That's a na naughty thing to do I'm gonna tell dad," Inuyasha stammered
"Do remember you also have naughty secrets father would love to know,"
"Hey dad did you know fluffy has a stash of reefer in his room under his mattress along with porn magazines regular girl on girl and boy on boy? Shhh don't tell him I bold you he'll tick my ass, otay"
"No one likes a tattle tale," Sesshoumaru replied "Hiding your secret stash under my mattress you vile cretin very low and I did you a favor eating the yummy sandwich you could stand to lose a few pounds,"
"Hey I I'm not fat stupid head,"
"Alright my drunken pup to bed you go," Sugimi said lifted then put Inuyasha over his shoulder and carried him up to his room
"Weeeee, daddy's giving Yasha ride yay Yashy like ride you da bestest dog papa in da whole world,"
Sugimi returned
"Sesshoumaru, why did you do that to your brother?
"I was bored," he teased then told him
"Whoa now that was really nasty," Kagura commented "And you men call females vicious you think so much like one it's scary,"
"Shit I don't blame you he got off easy and if he did that to me I'd kill him," Kouga said "Never mess with a guy's sexual business,"
"Not me I'd let him live and cement girls clothes onto him," Ayame chimed in
"Ah sis don't forget the nail polish and make up," Sango added
"Yikes females are so lethal," Miroku stated "Remind me to stay on your good side,"
"You said it brother," Kouga said
The next morning
Inuyasha woke up looked at himself then "Sesshoumaruuuuu? Yellow you dyed me fucking yellow. Eew and this sickening sweet stench" he ran down the stairs with murderous intent toward Sesshoumaru
He was greeted with "Hey sexy," Miroku started the ball rolling "Want to take it for a test drive? Will you bear my puppies?
"Wow who's the hot blond? Wanna go out behind the shed and have a little fun baby? Kouga ragged
"Yeah I sure as hell wouldn't mind taking a run on that my damn self," Miroku teased
"I ain't no blond you simple ass bastard and kiss my furry inu ass you pervy bitches," Inuyasha bit
"Look at your hair," Pointing Ayame said Inuyasha did
"You son of a bitch lemon yellow hair,"
"What are you whining about? You're already for Halloween" Sesshoumaru needled "Plus you got a free makeover I am a trained licensed professional you know others pay me big bucks for my service,"
"I'll give you Halloween you wench just wait you better sleep with one eye open simple Sally and I don't mean your brown eye either," Inuyasha threatened
"I'd shiver with fear if that promise came from an adult male but I have no fear of puppies call me when you reach manhood let's say ten years from now," was Sesshoumaru's needling reply
"Ooo, you rancid smells like a sewer anus," the hanyou fumed
"I'm not a pussy but I do love them so," Sesshoumaru answered "Your too young now but in a few years you'll know the wonders and joys of the hairy little cave to,"
"Bite me loser,"
A new suit, foxes
Sesshoumaru woke up encased in a giant condom coated with silver glitter the top tied around his neck with a big red bow. The demon lord was seething so much that he had not yet realized that the acid from his claws was seeping out melting his trap. And he did something completely uncharacteristic of him shocking all inside the Taisho house
"Inuyasha you little whorehouse reject bitch when I get my claws on you, you will die," Sesshoumaru bellowed "Get out here now you cheap imitation of a wench,"
"Aw" is Sausagemaru upset? Does he need some cocaine laced sake? Want some reefer? That cures everything"
"Sausagemaru? The others all asked in the same breath "Uh oh,"
"What in the name of all that is unholy have you done this time? Sugimi questioned
"Oh you'll see just be patient inupapa cakes,"
"Inupapa cakes uh oh now I know it's bad I will reserve a grave for you at the cemetery,"
Inuyasha was grinning like the cat that ate the canary "I gave him a free makeover so I don't see what he is bitching about. Oh Sesshy baby move your yummy buns slow poke" using a perfect imitation of a female voice "I ain't getting any younger"
"And you will not be getting any older either," the elder snapped Next Sesshoumaru still mostly wrapped in the giant condom except for his hands and legs eyes glowing blood red and growling came bounding down the stairs flexing his elongated claws "Ohhhhhh shit," the group exclaimed
"Red eyed Sesshy uh oh in rest in pieces Inu baby," the females said
"I'll start digging his grave out back it's the least I can do for a fellow canine," Kouga needled
"To quote you start making funeral plans genius," Sesshoumaru snarled in a voice that did not sound like his "Feeling lucky little sister?
Oh this is bad really bad," Sugimi said
"Aw Sausagemaru is all wrapped up tight so he'll stay nice and warm all through the night," Inuyasha needled "Want some beans with that meat? You know sausage goes well with eggs and so much more"
"Growl" Sesshoumaru responded
"Toodles bitch," the hanyou taunted then bolted
"Maybe I will just eat you and permanently end the world's misery,"
"Ohhh shit," Miroku exclaimed
"Inuyasha quit showing off," Kagome said
"Yo mutt face die well and soon," Kouga joked
"Full grown dogs acting like unruly pups, oh well they are entertaining," Sugimi said
"You do have a dog paddle right? All good canine homes do" Kouga asked
"Oh the puppy training board of course in fact I have large medium and small,"
"Inupapa I never knew that," Kagura said
"Our inupapa is a dog of many mysteries," grinning Kagome teased
An hour later
Transformed into a dog the size of a horse Sesshoumaru returned with Inuyasha dangling from the neck of and all that was left of his shirt in his fangs. He was curled in the fetal position naked as the day he was born with his hands clamped over his male treasure; Sesshoumaru had eaten his brother's clothes off with his acid the gang could not hold back any longer and burst out laughing. In that moment Inuyasha thought for sure he'd die of embarrassment
"Inuyasha when did you become a public exhibitionist nudist and streaker? Kagome
Smirking doggy Sesshoumaru "Hehehe" laughed and dropped Inuyasha on his ass "Woof, woof" then pushed him with one paw toward the others
"Damn mutt face go put some clothes on shit I think I'm scarred for life,"Kouga needled
"Why did I have to have a brother? Dad you should'a kept it in your pants that night" Inuyasha said "Or buried it in the ground till the passion passed" couldn't you have just given it a hand job?
"I didn't the night you were made" why should I have the night your brother was created? Sugimi replied "Besides the sex is most excellent and I will never as you say use a hand job when I have a live willing female,"
"Yeah he will find out when he finally loses his virgin veil," Miroku razzed
"Screw you one and all and I am not a virgin you whorish ass grabbing fake monk," Inuyasha shot back as he ran up the stairs with one hand on his butt and the other on his male parts "Just ask my mate hehehe,"
"At least I'm getting pelt," Miroku shot back "Lots of pelt," "Yeah if rubber coochie counts," Inuyasha yelled back
Later on
Next Shippou's worst nightmare showed up "Inuyasha please hide me? Shippou pled
"What's your problem runt? Is the farmer after you for stealing eggs out of the henhouse again?
"No genius, remember those pesky foxes that stuck you to a boulder hounded followed and drove me nuts?
"Oh those little pains in the ass sure due," Inuyasha answered cracking his knuckles "Boy would I like a piece of them."
"Well then your dream is about to come true," Shippou replied
"Come on fox you better not be screwin with me" how?
"I'm not kidding and they're out there I thought dogs had a strong sense of smell use your nose man sniff," the kit said pointing
"Is that so? Hehehe sweet" Inuyasha was cracking his knuckles in anticipation with a sick grin "Shippou for this I owe you one big time man triple goodies for you and more, I'm gonna enjoy the hell outta this,"
"Have fun,"
"Uh oh," Sango, Kagome, Ayame and Kagura exclaimed
"Free show folks," Ayame said
"The dog and fox show wouldn't miss it if you paid me to," smiling evilly Kouga said
Sure enough the doorbell rang, Inuyasha answered it "What do you squirts want?
"Master Shippou," the foxes replied
"What for? And if I do decide to let you in you gotta pay a toll to enter here fifty bucks each"
"It's fox business dog," the head one arrogantly bit "And master Shippou will never allow you to do such a thing,"
"Oh boy here it comes," Sugimi whispered to the others "They have no idea how sick he is and he's way worse when it is for revenge."
"Ah ha," was their reply
"Really ya rabid runts last time I checked I live here this is my house a dog house not a fox den. The Taisho family home and I am a Taisho," Inuyasha wisecracked "Got that you mangy looking like drown rats vermin?"
"We want Shippou now," they demanded "Go and fetch him now,"
"Fetch him oh really? Inuyasha replied "Now you think to order me like some lackey" remember sticking me to that boulder? I never forgot"
"Gulp, uh oh,"
"See you in the afterlife," Shippou said 'Hehehe dumb asses'' he thought
"Master Shipp," the foxes started to call but never got to finish
Before they could draw their next breath Inuyasha had them connected like a chain one hand glued to each others butts like they had done to him with the boulder years ago "Remember now boys? How's it feel getting your own spell used on you?
"Nooooo you can't," they were cut off
"Well hate to burst your bubble but I can and did," they were at their previous victims mercy and it sucked
"Hey at least we didn't stick you to someone's butt," their leader griped
Next the hellion hanyou had big pink bows tied around their necks they soon found themselves in cages on display "There ya go boys and there you will stay on display for all to see until after Halloween night ends. Hehehe," Inuyasha informed them
"Nooooo" they screeched
"Yeeeees" Inuyasha taunted "Aw so pretty I just wanna hug and squeeze you but won't,"
"Dirty dog," they whined "Duh you just now figured that out took you long enough I could'a told you that you rabid little rats," Inuyasha replied
"Whhhhhy?
"I see you have selective amnesia" did you really think I forgot about what you did? You runts were merciless you wouldn't release me it was hell nearly broke my damned back just trying to go pee" The grinning hanyou reminded "Paybacks a bitch and so am I hahaha,"
"Gulp"
"Thought that'd jog your memory,"
"Father I see he has inherited your deranged humor gene," Sesshoumaru said "Heaven help the world,"
"And you did as well my son you just hide it better than him," Sugimi replied
"Touche father," Sesshoumaru replied "Yes an unavoidable Taisho family trait,"
"It is times like this that I am such a proud father your daddy's two little devils," Sugimi answered
"Yes Inudevil papa that we are,"
Jaken's fireworks, trick or treat, Halloween surprise
The next day "Oh god's what the fuck? Oh I think my nuts are cracked," Inuyasha screamed after sitting down "Boys are you okay? Speak to daddy" he said while looking down inside his pants "Why me? Somebody's going to die"
"I am lord Sesshoumaru's faithful servant he will not stand for this," Jaken bit
"More like his faithful ugly green door mat," Inuyasha shot back "And remember tadpole you started this shit not me,"
"Mangy filthy dog,"
"Well ass wad you're the little bastard who rigged a shower head in my bathroom toilet to spray my privates with freezing cold water the minute I sat down" aren't you? Inuyasha replied "I should kill you for that alone. Never hit a fellow male below the belt even Sesshoumaru will tell you the same,"
"At least I did not rig your bed to grip you with locking steel bands around your entire body the second you awoke,"
"Really and who rigged my bed to bounce up and down like a friggin seesaw?
"I know not of what you speak," the kappa tried
"So what are you bitching about? Like Hallmark card it says I care enough to send the very best" Inuyasha shot back
"I will get you for this," Jaken promised
"Yeah, yeah whatever don't crap your diaper and feel free to keep dreaming soggy froggy,"
"Dear lord they are like evil twins," Sesshoumaru with his hand on his head as if in pain said to his father
"Interesting this ought to be fun to watch,"
"Let the kappa dog war begin," Sesshoumaru replied "My bet is on little brother to win" and yours? He said handing Sugimi a one hundred dollar bill
"I'll put a hundred on dog breath," Kouga chimed in soon Sugimi was soon the treasurer of a hefty sum in bets
Sesshoumaru's faithful retainer decided to have some fun and get revenge so he put something on Inuyasha's chair and patiently waited for his poor victim to come and sit down. It was now lunch time everyone seated themselves at the dining room table except Inuyasha who was the last to arrive he came and took his seat the second he did fireworks went off under his ass as the sparks and pretty colors flew all around the room Inuyasha's eyes immediately filled with murder
"There prince sparkle pants" how do you like me now? Jaken cockily asked
Too calmly "You want to know you little wart? Inuyasha answered "Works for me"
"Gulp, now lord Inuyasha it was only in jest,"
"That lord shit ain't going to work on me or save your wrinkled ugly green hide,"
"Eek" Jaken squeaked "Lord Sesshoumaru?
"Jaken"
"Yes my lord? "Do not die training a new retainer would be very inconvenient," Sesshoumaru said with a sadistic smile
"Gulp, eek, he's sm-smiling," Jaken stammered "Hehehe,"
Inuyasha laughed "Yum your ass is mine," rubbing his hands together "Ain't had good toad meat in ages,"
"This is better than Christmas," Sesshoumaru exclaimed
Faster than you can blink Inuyasha had Jaken dressed in a pink ballerina costume tutu slippers and all with a matching bag and rose on the neon yellow wig glued on his head "Cough, cough m mutt face this is sick even for you," Kouga chocked out between laughs
"Well he's got a job to do and he has got to do it right," Inuyasha answered "Daddy wants his treats be a good girl shake that little money maker,"
"Son you are the definition of evil," laughing Sugimi managed to say
"What is this job you speak of, little brother?" asked Sesshoumaru
"In two seconds you will see big bro it is the ultimate trick or treat," Inuyasha answered "Oh this is going to be the best Halloween in history,"
"Gulp" came from Jaken Inuyasha pushed him forward opened the door then pushed him out "No you cannot do this" have mercy?
"Yes I can and am," was Inuyasha's reply "Now you are going to bear the embarrassment and go from house to house trick or treating or die. You owe me for what you did consider it getting off with a light sentence, oh yeah and before I forget," he said then dusted Jaken's cheeks with bright pink blush and his beak with matching lipstick
"How can you be so cruel to a fellow demon? Jaken whined "Could you not just kill me instead?
"Nope that'd be to kind and easy, now get out there and score daddy some goodies," Was Inuyasha's reply, then smacked Jaken across the butt sending him on his way "Go on now daddy's waiting,"
"Oh the poor little bastard," Sesshoumaru said "That is indeed worse than death or any punishment I could hand down upon him,"
"They are quite entertaining indeed," Sugimi replied "And well matched in the sick humor department but sadly for him your brother being a worse practical joker will win,"
Jaken returned an hour later holding a bag bulging with Halloween treats "Good boy," Inuyasha said took the bag and looked "Hm, nice selection now I won't have to spank and kill you,"
"Miserable heartless dog," Jaken mumbled
"What was that? Inuyasha said "Care to repeat it?
"Oh no"
The next thing Jaken knew he was inside the cage with the foxes with a big pink bow tied around his neck, but with one huge difference the bow held the opening of a neon sprinkled with pink glitter red glow in the dark condom that encased his body up to his neck. Inuyasha filmed it with his digital camcorder that he had demented plans for later on
"Let me out of here you cannot do this to me," Jaken whined "You heartless fiend,"
"Ah shut it Miss Prissy you look pretty and you know it you'll drive the boys mad with your taunting beauty," Inuyasha ragged
"Lord Sesshoumaru," he called out "Heeeeelp"
"Yes my little green menace?
"Please mi lord have mercy upon your most faithful vassal and kill me?
"I sadly must decline your request you are needed here,"
"Oh so cruel," Jaken whimpered "Why? I ask for nothing while in your service surely you cannot deny me this one small request"
"See beautiful you ain't going anywhere," Inuyasha taunted, the kappa scowled
Halloween night
Inuyasha put his caged prizes on display, he charged a 2 dollars per person to look upon the oddities and made a bundle by 11: pm that night he had made $500 "Let us out," the moping red faced foxes and Jaken pled
"Yeah, yeah flea bags keep your g strings on don't have a period or get your bikini waxed nuts in a twist wouldn't want to fracture anything," Inuyasha wisecracked "Hah, seems you little ulcers are good for something after all," he said as he counted his money
"Bikini wax? Hey that's for girls" they protested
"Shit brutal, Kouga said
"Savage" Sugimi exclaimed
"I ain't done yet they are gonna look good on the internet I got them all on tape in the cages Jaken trick or treating. As soon as it's ready I'm uploading it," Inuyasha told them "Lubetube is gonna be on and poppin with this treasure,"
"Inuyasha my friend you are to diabolical," Miroku commented
"Who innocent helpless little old me? I'm just an innocent dog celebrating his favorite holiday"
"Son with friends like you who needs enemies," Sugimi said
"Aw thanks pops I wuv you to,"
Later on
Inuyasha was in for a big shocking surprise one he did not see coming in a million years. As he crept to Sesshoumaru's room not paying attention he eased the door open there as in his dream Sesshoumaru was laying on his side moving his hips back and forth. The silently gloating hanyou smiled evilly
'Damn he's reliving that dream again horny prick' Inuyasha thought
Only this time was different in a flash second he heard a familiar voice "Ooo Sesshoumaru" and watched as big brother bit a neck then was bitten himself by none other than fanged Kagome
Before Inuyasha could escape "Little brother you are about to die," Sesshoumaru warned after pulling his fangs from Kagome's neck "Do not move I shall make it swift and painless,"
"Inuyasha don't make me s-i-t you into hell," Kagome said "Si, si, si," she taunted
"Gulp I, I was just leaving wench.," he replied, shut the door and ran like the devil was chasing him
"What's he up to now I wonder?" Miroku stated "Dad, dad guess what?" Inuyasha called out to his sire "What is it pup? Sugimi answered "Chip a claw did we?
"Sessh just got married oops I mean mated,"
"Finally" Sugimi replied "I'm an inupapa in-law,"
"Mated married same thing," Kouga chimed in
"Yeah but with humans it's on paper," Sango said
"That's okay knowing Mister perfectionist Sesshoumaru he'll marry her human style to," Inuyasha pointed out
"Happy Halloween honeymoon to him," Miroku said with a big lecherous grin
"Yup, I played the trick and he got the treat," Inuyasha commented "Fate is such a cruel bitch,"
"You know son after mating that means Kagome's fanged and has claws so she can do way worse than before," his father was sadistic
"Gulp gee thanks pop you just had to remind me" didn't you? Inuyasha replied "Heartless flea bag,"
"I only speak the truth," Sugimi answered, loving his sons torment "Look at you an over five hundred year old hanyou scared like a two year old child ridiculous,"
"Yeah easy for you to say it's not your ass she'll be using for a chew toy and claw sharpener,"
"Oh man I can just see it now dog breath's Kagome's new doggie claw sharpener," Kouga ragged "Chomp, chomp,"
"Happy freakin Halloween to me," Inuyasha said "Stinking wolf,"
"Smelly mutt,"
"Oh wait till the grandpups come I can hardly wai," Sugimi was cut off by a large hand over his mouth
"Nooooooo, shhhhh sadistic bastard little fluffys are the last thing I need," Inuyasha whined
"Inuwussyasha," Kouga needled the hanyou responded giving the middle finger
The following morning
"Inuyasha my love," a voice called
"Wen-wench in-law," he practically stammered 'Oh crap' he thought "Hi lil sis welcome to the dog den," he tried teasing
"Come here bro in-law,"
"No freakin way not happening ever, never trust sneaky smiling overly nice wenches,"
"Aw come on lil bro I just want to hug you as your new sis,"
"Shit" zoom he was gone
"Sesshy"
"Yes mate wife?
"Kaggy gonna go pick some berries kay,"
"Very well don't chip a claw,"
"Mistress Kagome,"
"Yes my little green baby?
"Will you please give master Inuyasha a lump or two for me? Jaken sweetly asked with big innocent doe eyes
"Why certainly,"
"Hah? He gasped after he was lifted off his feet and swiftly turned beet red when he was kissed on the cheek
"Anything for you Jaky," she cooed after setting him down and petting his little head
"Aw shucks," he was coyly turning one foot from side to side with a dreamy look
"Be back in a few," she swiftly disappeared
"Oh no way I'm missing this," Kouga said
"Right behind you wolf," the rest of Inuyasha's pals chimed in
"Come on Jaken your coming with," Sango said grabbed him and followed the others out the door
After they were gone "You can still walk I see?
"So juvenile," Sesshoumaru replied
"Sesshy rocked that boat all night long stroke, stroke,"
"Bite me,"
"Tempting but I'll pass that's cannibalism and I'm vegetarian now," Sugimi replied
"Oh please you give up meat you'd rather chew your own paw off first," Sesshoumaru shot back
Sugimi smirked "Are you going to follow and watch with the others?
"No knowing them one or more of them will record it anyway I'll see it when they return such modern wonders save a dog a lot of work. Plus we get to view it like a movie with snacks,"
"Aw somebodies all pooped out? Does snookums need a nappy? Sugimi loved annoying his son
"Does papa need a dirt nap? Sesshoumaru asked waving a fist at his father
"Ouch such a cranky boy, okay my boy lets rot our fangs out with some ice cream and Halloween candy" sound good to you?
"Now you're talking,"
"Yes sugar will give you more energy to go surfing again later," Sugimi teased
"Pervert"
"That's lord pervert to you peasant,"
"No it's lord pain in the ass,"
"Grand pups my son,"
"Pups grand," Sesshoumaru had never stammered till now Sugimi laughed Sesshoumaru groaned
Five hours later
In dog form Kagome returned with unwillingly resting between her fangs Inuyasha "Mate I see you have returned from hunting with this evening's meal,"
"Woof"
"Hey I ain't nobody's dinner" got that? Ya giant coughed up hair ball?
"Mate" Sesshoumaru purred
"Whimper"
"There is one thing we haven't tried out in dog form yet," he said smirking
"Ow" Inuyasha yelped after being swiftly dropped on his rear "Kagome you dirty dog,"
Next two dogs were running out through the open door one chasing the other the larger soon had the other pinned by the scruff of the neck and disappeared in a ball of light
"Happy honeymoon son,"
"Gee thanks pop, yeah I got the trick and he got the treat," the hanyou griped
"What? It's his happy Humpoween honeymoon," Sugimi loved driving his youngest nuts
"Dogs ya can't live with them and you should never try,"
"Says the dog," Sugimi shot back