I Can't Get His Hopes Up

Sitting in silence in his son's bedroom, Gabriel wondered how he had managed to fuck up so severely. There was the obvious answer, of course, but that didn't stop the million other what-ifs and why-didn't-Is from coming through.

"I should have been watching for them," Gabriel said to no one in particular. "Should have kept an eye out for any magical influences beyond Emilie. If I had, I could have stopped them before they took her and cast the apathy spell. Then Adrien wouldn't have to be afraid of his own father."

"You had no way of knowing, Gabriel."

Gabriel turned to the kwami floating beside him and gave them a reassuring smile. Well, he tried to. Odds were that it looked just as fake as it felt. "He's still my son, Nooroo, and I did that to him. I made him afraid and I hunted him. Did you… did you ever have any children?"

Nooroo nodded. "Three," they confirmed, "long before we gave up our true forms or founded the Order. One was killed by my father, and the others chose to give up their true forms and become kwamis when the rest of us did."

"I'm sorry," Gabriel replied softly. "I didn't realize… but then you know how terrifying it is to see them in danger. Multiply that when you realize you're the one who's been doing it."

"You still have time," Nooroo told him. "It will take time, yes, but you have it."

Gabriel nodded, feeling tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Nooroo. I needed that reminder." He looked around the room, taking stock of everything. The evening sun peeked over the fence and caused the window frames to cast a shadow, one that looked distinctly like prison bars.

Instantly, his mind jumped to what Adrien said had happened during Sandboy. His worst fear, then calling from him and getting no help, the fact that he was the one who did that.

He was the worst. He was literally the worst. He just… did that and without any thought to the fact that his son would have to face his worst fear, too.

"How do I even begin to fix this?"

"I'd say by beginning."

Gabriel jerked his head to look at the door, seeing Madelaine standing by the entrance. "Madelaine," he breathed. "Hi, um… how are you doing this evening?"

"I'm doing alright," Madelaine drawled, walking over to him. She sat down on the sofa. "So what's the drama happening here?"

Gabriel sighed heavily, slouching back in his seat. "I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you, Madelaine," he confessed. "Hawkmoth- my… alter ego, I guess you could say- was a villain until recently. The same people who kidnapped you and took you to that warehouse cast an apathy spell on me. It was meant to make me not care that they had taken my wife, but my connection with her was so strong that getting her back became the only thing I did care about. I made supervillains to steal jewelry from two children, one of them being Chat Noir… Adrien." He looked her over, noting how she didn't scream or run out of the room. "You're handling this information rather well."

"In the past week, I've been kidnapped, taken to Paris, told I'm someone I'm not by a random guy and his kid who dress up like comic book characters, and invited into their home after meeting the magical beings that give them superpowers. I'm past panic."

A chuckle escaped Gabriel despite his concern and worry. "I suppose when you put it that way…"

Madelaine smiled and leaned against the back of the couch. She reached out, running her fingers through Gabriel's hair. "So what's the issue?" she asked. "Does he not realize you were under a spell?"

Gabriel shook his head. "No, he knows. There are just things that I did… things I can't take back. And even though he knows it wasn't really me, it still looked like me. He thought I didn't care about him anymore."

Madelaine's hand moved to cup his cheek. "I'm sorry, Gabriel. Neither of you should have to deal with that… How are you going to fix it?"

"Stop using my powers unless it's necessary, for one," Gabriel began, glancing over to Nooroo. "And I'm sure you'll be delighted to have a break as well."

Nooroo smiled. "I can't say I'm complaining," they confessed. "It would be very easy to try to show off by making seijin, but I think it would be better off in the long run for Adrien to see you as you, rather than as a reformed Hawkmoth."

"Thank you, Nooroo." As Gabriel turned back to Madelaine, he realized her hand had migrated to the back of his neck. "I'm afraid you've come at a tumultuous time," he confessed. "And I know you don't believe you're Emilie, but having you around means the world to A-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as Madelaine kissed him, putting her free hand on his shoulder and pulling him in. He sat there, stunned, though his hands did instinctively went to her waist when she straddled his lap.

Madelaine didn't waste a moment, pulling at his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. It felt so right to have her in his arms again, and every fiber of his being just wanted to hold on and never let go, but one little thing flashed back into his mind before he could get carried away.

"This is Adrien's room," he said quietly as he pulled away.

Madelaine sat back on his thighs. "Would you prefer we go to your room?" she asked.

Gabriel shook his head. "This… I want this, but it can't happen. Not tonight and not here. I need to… I need to do something to fix this-" he gestured to the windows, still reminiscent of prison bars- "and my relationship with my son before I try to do anything with you. I'm sorry, Madelaine. I can't get his hopes up."

He picked her up and sat her back down on the sofa before standing up and walking towards the door. He stopped just short of the exit, turning back to face her. "Please don't tell Adrien about this."

Madelaine shook her head. "Our secret," she promised.

Gabriel walked out and headed back to his room, cognizant of Nooroo floating by his side. "That goes for you, too, Nooroo. Please."

"Waaaasn't planning on it," Nooroo drawled, their eyes looking a little wider than usual. "Where did that come from?"

"She's my wife, Nooroo," Gabriel sighed. "I love her, all of her, even Helena and Madelaine. Saying no to her… it's hard. And I can only pray she kissed me because she feels the same connection I do."

Nooroo nodded slowly. "I hope for your and Adrien's sake that you're right."

A sigh escaped Gabriel. "Me, too."

Gabriel tossed and turned in bed that night, his mind racing with a million things- almost all related to the damage he'd done and how he could begin to fix it. Every now and then his mind went to the bigger picture, but he quickly corrected himself each time. The first thing he had to do was fix his relationship with Adrien; Paris could wait to learn he was never going to send out another akuma again.

So what could he do to fix things before Adrien got home in the morning?

His mind kept on flashing back to the windows, the prison bar shadows they cast. Looking at them, thinking about them, made him nauseous.

Adrien, windows- Emilie, windows- fashion, windows. Every time, he circled back.

"Nooroo?"

Nooroo floated up to him, obviously not having fallen asleep themselves. "Still fixating on how to make amends?" they asked.

"No- well, yes, but also no." He let out a frustrated sigh and sat up on the side of the bed, putting his feet on the ground as he buried his face in his hands. "Those goddamn windows…" He picked up his brooch from the bedside table. "I'm sorry to do this so late at night, but Nooroo, wings rise."

Wordlessly, Nooroo zipped into the brooch, and Hawkmoth pinned it to his costume.

He stood up and walked to his son's room, opening the door and going straight for the windows. Without a second thought, he lifted his cane and smashed one of the windows.

One by one, he went down the length of the wall and shattered the windows, getting all his anger and frustration and sorrow and guilt out as he did. Only when his throat started to feel raw did he realize he was yelling as well.

"Nooroo, wings fall- ow!" He yanked the brooch off his bare skin and repinned it to the waist of his pants. "Okay, I deserved that." He said it more to himself than Nooroo.

Nooroo, for their part, stared down at the shattered glass on the ground outside the building, mouth agape. "You did that," they breathed. "You… really did… that."

Gabriel nodded, the gravity of his actions not quite sinking in yet. "Yeah," he sighed, "I did." He was panting, not from physical exertion, but from the rage he'd just unleashed. "I'm gonna go make a call."

"It's midnight!" Nooroo shouted as Gabriel turned and walked to the main hall, picking up the house phone and dialing a number, seemingly from memory.

He barely let the person on the other end of the line say hello before he spoke, "Hello, Gustav, it's Gabriel. You still have that window repair business, right?"

It took the man on the other end a moment to catch up. "Gabriel?" he asked. "Gabriel Agreste? From uni?"

"I'm willing to pay ten times your normal rate if you bring your guys and get this done before eight."

"Buddy, it's midnight-"

"Twenty times."

"Deal!"

With that, Gabriel hung up the phone. It seemed he was in for a long night.