As If You Read My Mind
Ben Warren walked out of the bathroom, moving around his bedroom stealthily. His girlfriend, Miranda Bailey, was still wrapped in the sheets, comfortable as ever. If she knew how vulnerable she looked when asleep, she'd probably never close her eyes. He forgot what he was about to do and was startled she opened her eyes and stared at him. "And where do you think you're going?" She asked, sending a chill up his spine.
He thought better of lying to her, but when he thought of telling her the truth, his hands shook. "I have to go… out. For a bit."
"Well, I can go," Miranda said throwing back the covers.
"You don't have to do that, babe."
She must have forgotten that she was nearly naked because all he saw was an invitation to her beautiful body. She caught him staring and blushed, hard. "I mean, once I put on clothes."
"And please don't do that," Ben laughed. "I'll be back in two hours." She sat up some more. "Stay. Sleep. I'll bring back breakfast."
"I'm listening."
"Or we can go out for breakfast." She smiled. "Or I'll make breakfast. Whatever I have to say to keep you in this bed." Miranda smiled and he mimicked it. "But if you have to leave," he said sitting down and putting his hand on her thigh, "and I mean absolutely have to, there's a spare key taped to the mat just outside of the door." She nodded and kissed him deeply. He almost joined her back in the bed.
"Alright, go. I'll see you later."
"You'll be here when I get back?" Ben knew that asking her to promise him anything was a waste, she was a surgeon after all and they both knew that, at any second, she could get called in. As an anesthesiologist, he could understand.
"I will be here," she said simply.
Ben kissed her again. "And I will be back." He threw on a shirt, slipped into his sneakers and left his apartment.
The entire drive, he felt a pang in his stomach. He really didn't want to lie to Miranda anymore. The need to tell her the truth was driving him crazy. He pulled into the parking lot of St. Michael's Nursing and Rehab Center. From his trunk, he pulled out a Nike bag and headed into the large building, stopping at the front desk. He didn't recognize the desk attendant and gave them a quick smile. "Hello," they said. "Who are you visiting today?"
"Uh, Danny Monroe, 414," Ben replied.
"Okay, you can go right on up." He forced another smile and caught the elevator, riding up to the fourth floor. He waved to a few of the nurses and workers before walking into his best friend's room, closing the door behind him. There were always three silent moments that shook him when Ben visited Danny. The First One happened as soon as he crossed into the room that his friend lived in and would most likely live in for the rest of his life. That moment always made him want to turn around and run. Just run frar, far away.
The Second One happened just before he opened his mouth and began chatting to his friend who hadn't responded in upwards of twenty years. And that moment made him want to cry. And there were times at the beginning when he did, sobbing over Danny's body, apologizing and begging for him to wake up. The first moment disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared, but the second moment is the one he took home and carried with him every day.
Ben cleared his throat. "Hey, bro," he said. The radio was on and they were listening to 80s and 90s R&B. He turned it down a little. "So, look, I know it's been a couple of weeks, but work has been crazy, man." Ben moved around the room making sure everything was okay. "And my girl…" He smiled and, for once, was glad that Danny couldn't see him. His friend would definitely roast him for the goofy ass smile he had on his face—"Because of a girl, B?" And he'd say, "She's not a girl, D. She's a woman. She's my lady."
"Miranda… she… you'd love her. She is brilliant and beautiful and her kid is like… Well, he's like us at his age. We watch cartoons and eat junk. But when you meet her, don't tell her that. She'd kill me." Ben laughed and stood by Danny's hospital bed, touching the rail, letting it down. "How are you? Good?" This was The Third Moment. When he asked a question, half-hoping that he'd answer, half-praying that he didn't. It was sickening feeling, both the relief and the guilt washing over him. Hearing no reply, the moment passed and he kept talking. "So, I finally found the kicks. They're gonna look fire on your feet." Ben pulled the box out and opened it, showing him the sneakers. "These are the same ones you wore to junior prom." He looked at Danny. "Just don't scuff these up please," he laughed.
Twenty minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door and the large door swung open. "Benjamin!" Twanna Monroe said upon seeing Ben sitting by her son's bedside.
Ben stood up and met her at the door. "Mrs. Monroe." He hugged her tightly. "How are you?"
"I'm great. Just came by to see Danny."
"Where's—"
"My boy is popular today," Eric Monroe said boisterously.
"He's popular every day," Ben reminded him. He shook the man's hand. Eric and Twanna smiled when they saw the Nike box sitting on the windowsill. "Oh yeah, I found the ones he wore to—"
"Junior prom," Twanna said. "I remember them. He ruined them slipping and sliding all over the floor."
The men laughed. "So, where've you been these last couple of weeks, son?" Eric asked kissing the top of Danny's head and then sitting in a chair.
"Sorry I haven't been here, but work has been, you know, insane and—"
"And you have a special lady in your life, right?" Mrs. Monroe asked. Ben looked confused. "Your mother told us."
"Oh, right. Yeah. I do. She's great." He watched Mrs. Monroe fuss over Danny, her oldest child. "You two would like her."
Eric slapped his shoulder gently. "Maybe we'll get to meet her."
"Yes, sir. I, uh, just want to introduce Danny to her first."
Mrs. Monroe smiled and for a second he was afraid that she would cry. But instead, she nodded. "You're a good boy, Ben."
"Twanna, they're men now. Not little boys."
"Right, of course."
The three of them sat and caught up, talking to Danny and about Danny. Ben was a man of science, he always believed in God, but the two ideas clashed so often. He knew that there was no way Danny would ever regain consciousness. But he also knew that miracles happened. Ben left first; hugging Danny's parents and promising that he'd stop by their house. He fist-bumped Danny and headed back home.
He couldn't remember what breakfast option Miranda had chosen and called her. "Mmhello?" Her voice hitting his ear made him want to pull over and sink into the driver's seat.
"What do you want to do for breakfast?" He asked.
"Well, it's a Sunday, how about… we stay in and cook breakfast together?"
"I love it. I'll be there in twenty minutes."
Back in the apartment, Miranda was lying on the sofa in the living room watching TV. "Finally," she said standing up. "I've missed you."
"I love hearing you say that," he told her.
Putting his arms around her waist, he brought her to the tips of her toes, kissing her forehead and then her lips. He'd only admitted it to his little brother, Curt, and Danny, but he was going to marry Miranda Bailey. She pulled away and walked into the kitchen and stuck her head into the refrigerator. "So, I've taken inventory and we pretty much have everything we need for a delicious meal."
"What are we missing?" He stood behind her, their bodies a millimeter a part.
She whipped around, throwing him off balance. "Nothing. I just knew you would follow me into the kitchen." He laughed and ran his hands over her curves. He couldn't get enough. Miranda kissed his neck. "Did you go to work?"
"What? No. It's my day off."
"Well, you have a hospital-y smell."
Ben scoffed and stepped back. "That's ridiculous."
Miranda raised an eyebrow. "It's faint, but I know that smell," she said turning her back to him and pulling out ingredients.
"I… I didn't work today."
"Then where'd you go, Benjamin Warren?" She asked. Ben swallowed. He had wanted to tell Miranda about Danny the first day they met nearly seven months. He'd told Danny about her the first day he'd met her. Her pissing him off and the unusualness of the case gave him such an adrenaline rush that he hurried through town needing to talk to his best friend. "Why the secret? And why do you have that look on your face?"
"Nothing. It's nothing. I went to the hospital to pick something up. That's it."
Miranda squinted and then smiled. "Why didn't you just say that?" She spread out the items on the counter.
"Because it's my day off and I…you know, I judge you sometimes for going in on your day off."
"You do."
He picked up her hand. "And I didn't want you to jump on my head about it."
"Some of us aren't hypocrites," she laughed.
After breakfast, they fell back into bed. Kissing turned to touching that turned to calling to God, loudly and unabashedly. After watching a movie while each doing work on their phones and laptops, he swung her by her place so that she could change and they went out for dinner. After a couple of more rounds in bed, Ben lit a cigar as Miranda got dressed. "I hate when you have to go," he said. Being an adult was something he hadn't gotten used to completely, but something he wished that Danny had been able to experience.
"I know." Miranda flopped on the bed and kissed his chest. "And I hate when you smoke in bed." He tried to make his face look apologetic. She laughed and kissed his lips. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"You will."
Or so he thought. Ben spent nearly twenty hours in a surgery. And the days following had him and Miranda playing phone tag. It wasn't until Friday night that he was finally able to see his girlfriend. He picked up some pizza and went over to her house to have dinner with her and her son, Tuck. "Hey," Ben said when she opened the door. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I brought pizza."
"Hi. And we're thankful," she beamed. "Tuck! Ben's here."
They waited for the familiar sound of him running from one room to the next. The boy saw him and ran over to him, smiling. Ben's heart flipped. "Hi, Ben!"
"My buddy," Ben said handing over the pizza box to Miranda and high-fiving the four-year-old. "How was school?"
"Amazing." Tuck ran away.
"Where are you going?" Miranda asked.
Tuck stopped. "To the bathroom."
She nodded. "Okay." Ben took the pizza back and they walked into the kitchen. "Hello, stranger," she said over her face.
"Very funny." They chuckled as they put some slices on plates. "I suppose I'm the only one who's been busy."
"Well…"
"Well," he mocked.
She reached out to hit him and he moved away as Tuck came into the kitchen. "Ready to eat!" He proclaimed.
"Me, too," Ben and Miranda said at the same time.
In her bed that night, they cuddled while the TV played in the background. He placed kisses on the back of her neck. "Stop," she moaned over her shoulder.
"I'm just loving on you," he said biting her shoulder, revving her up.
"There's no need to do all that with Tuck right across the hall."
Ben ran his hand along her stomach, pushing up her shirt. "We don't have to have sex," he whispered in her ear.
Miranda faced him, pouting. "You know I don't like doing stuff with Tuck in the house."
"I know," he grinned. "That was a test and you passed."
When Miranda rolled her eyes at him, Ben turned over and Miranda held him from behind, dropping her hand to the band of his sweats. His body jumped. "You're not playing fair."
"Now you want to talk about fair?" She asked softly. He laughed again and the next thing he knew, he was asleep.
Ben spent the morning with Miranda and Tuck. Once Tuck had gone to his father's house, Miranda and Ben made love on the floor of her living room. Her back arched in his hands and coming down from his high, he groaned loudly: "I love you, baby."
Miranda held his face. "Aww, sweetheart, I love you, too."
As they straightened themselves up, Miranda was called to the hospital. He kissed his girlfriend and went home. In the shower, he decided to visit Danny. Usually, he went on Sundays, but since he'd missed so many weeks before, he took advantage of his free time. On the way to the center, he stopped to get some snacks. In Danny's room, he kicked off his shoes and sat next to the bed watching TV, talking occasionally. Eventually, he fell asleep and when he woke up, he was starving. Miranda had called and texted a few times and he said as much to his friend. "I gotta go, D. And before you start, I'm not whipped. Though this woman—whew, man, Miranda could definitely make me a whipped man." Ben laughed before bidding Danny goodbye. He rubbed his head while he called Miranda back: "Hey, babe."
"So, you are alive?"
"Miranda."
"Don't 'Miranda' me. I was worried about you."
"I know, babe. I know. That's why I'm calling you back."
"Where have you been?"
Ben tapped his hands against the steering wheel. "I just took a drive. Lost track of time. I'm sorry."
"What is going on with you?"
He didn't answer. "Do you want me to come over?"
"Do you want to come over?"
"I always want to come over, Miranda."
"Are you going to tell me where you were?"
"A few towns over," he said hoping that it was close enough to the truth to not be a lie.
Miranda yawned. "I think I'm going to call it an early night. I'll talk to you in the morning."
He sighed deeply. "I love you so much."
"I love you," she replied. The call ended and he headed home.
Ben tried calling Miranda the next morning, but she didn't answer. By late afternoon, when she hadn't answered, he figured she was ignoring him and rode by her house. She wasn't there and in the middle of debating what his next move should be, he went to the hospital to occupy his time and to see if his surgery-hungry girlfriend was in an O.R. or just avoiding him. Checking the board, he saw that she was in surgery. It wouldn't be over for another hour, so he went to her office to wait. He leaned back in her chair and fell asleep. The door slamming shut jerked him awake. He opened one eye. "Miranda, you're finished?"
"Don't you have a home?" She shot back quickly.
He laughed and stood up, walking over to her. "You're my home."
"Yeah, yeah." She smiled, relaxing. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you."
"I can see that, but why? You're not on today, are you?"
Sighing, Ben put his arms around her, dropping his head on her shoulder. "You seemed mad last night and I don't like when you're mad at me."
"So, it's okay if I'm mad, just as long as I'm not at you." Miranda started to move away and held on to her.
"I didn't say that." She made a noise. "Well, at least, I wouldn't say that." They chuckled and he kissed her cheek before letting her go. "Are you done for the day?"
"I am."
"Want to get dinner with me?"
She didn't look at him. "Yes. Let me just go home and change right quick."
They went to dinner and Ben spent the entire time filling in the gaps of their usual lively and witty conversation. "Something's going on with you," she said when they were sitting in front of her house.
Ben shook his head. "No, nothing's going on."
"Really? Because I can't put my finger on it, but there's something you're not telling me. I just…" Miranda stopped talking. She put her hand to his face and stared into his eyes with the softest look on her face. He both hated and loved when she did that. When they were deep in the throes of passion, it always brought him to a climax. But when she was practically begging for him to talk to her, looking into her big, brown eyes made him want to confess everything.
Today, he blinked and pulled away, forcing a wide smile. "I am good."
"I guess I have to believe you."
He slinked his hand up to the back of her head and pulled her in for a kiss. If they were making out, there would be no room for talking. No talking meant no spilling his guts. Ben left for the night, claiming an early morning. And, for the first time in a long time, he wasn't lying. On Sunday, he finished his day a lot of sooner than he'd thought. Usually, he'd meet up with Miranda and they'd hang out. Or he'd run and see Danny. But, today, Ben went home and climbed in the bed. It was eating at him that he couldn't manage to tell his girlfriend about his best friend. Was he embarrassed? Or was it shame? Whatever it was, made him sick and he curled up in bed, falling asleep.
A few days later, Ben and Miranda were leaving the hospital, chatting away, having gotten back to some kind of normal. He held the door open for her as they walked out, done for the day. She smiled up at him, "Thank you." Ben reached for her hand and held it as he walked her to her car. "I have an idea," she said.
"What's that?"
"How about I go to the store, pick up some steaks for dinner and then I'll watch while you grill them?"
Ben let out a loud laugh. "Deal. But I'm going with you to the store. The steaks you pick out are puny." After making a quick list, he followed her to the grocery store and they headed in, splitting up to find their items. "And that one," Ben told the person behind the meat counter.
Miranda found him and poked him in the back. "You've been here for the longest time, Benjamin. I'm almost finished and you've done nothing but ogle the steaks." He smiled and kissed her nose.
"B?" A voice said from behind him. Ben swallowed hard, his heart trying to escape his chest. He turned and came face to face with a man that he didn't really know, but when that man was teen, he knew him very well. "Warren, is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me," Ben responded, trying to find a balance amidst the shook. He hadn't seen Michael in almost fifteen years. He'd up and joined the military as soon as high school ended and outside from a letter or two, a phone call or three, Ben hadn't seen or heard from him. "Uh, how have you been?"
"I've been alright. You?"
Ben could feel a certain pair of eyes on him and cleared his throat. "Damn, sorry, babe. Miranda, this is Michael Williams. Mike, this is my lady, Dr. Miranda Bailey."
"Hello," Miranda said smiling her smile.
"Hi," Mike said.
They shook hands and Ben couldn't stop looking at adult Michael. It felt like no time had passed, but the last time he'd seen Michael, he'd been a few inches shorter and more than a few pounds lighter. It was such a stark contrast to watching Danny grow, year after year, his body stretching the length of the bed. Ben felt lightheaded. "Uh, how do you two know each other?"
"We went to high school together," Ben answered.
"We were really good friends," Mike added.
"Were?" Miranda asked. "What happened?"
Mike and Ben looked at each other and Ben looked away. "Uh, I left town for a long time. You know how it goes."
"Babe, can you give us a minute?" Ben asked.
She nodded. "Nice to meet you, Michael." Miranda looked at him. "I'll finish the list."
"When did you get back to town?" Ben said walking away from the meat counter.
Michael moved his head from side to side. "About a month ago. I didn't know you'd gotten married."
"I didn't. We're dating." Michael nodded. "You?"
"Divorced." Though they had been best friends for years before, the awkwardness between them was evident. "Well, uh, we should get a drink or something."
"We should," Ben agreed. The two of them exchanged numbers and Ben roamed the store searching for Miranda. He found her in line at the register and waited for her to finish, bagging their stuff. He packed his car and they headed to his house. He fired up the grill on the rooftop and stood outside watching the flames, his mind going haywire. Seeing Michael was like seeing a ghost. The sizzling of the steak brought him back to the present. He pulled his piece of steak off of the grill before Miranda's and continued to sear hers and their vegetables. She came and sat next to him. "They're, uh, almost finished."
"Okay." Miranda handed him a beer. "It was nice meeting Michael today."
"Yeah. It was," he told her tapping his bottle with hers. "Thanks. Yeah, we're gonna get together later."
"That's nice." Swigging some beer, he pulled the vegetables from grill and placed them on a plate. "So, what happened that you guys haven't talked to each other in so long?"
"Time. The usual."
"That sucks."
"Yeah."
"It seems like there was more to the story."
Ben tapped the tongs against the grill. "Dinner's ready."
After dinner, they cleaned the dishes together. "I have meetings early in the morning, so I'm going to leave," Miranda said sticking the last dry plate into the cabinet.
Furrowing his brow, he asked: "Are you sure?" She nodded. At her car, Ben opened her door. "You're sure you're sure? I have some wine. We could watch a movie, chill…"
A smile lurched across her face and she gave him a hug. "No, I'm not," she said with a smile.
With nothing more to say, he kissed her gently. "Let me know when you get home."
She looked at him. "Are you sure that there's nothing you want to tell me?"
"Why do you think I'm hiding something from you?" He laughed. "Is that why you're leaving?"
She nodded. "And you may not be ready to tell me right now, but there is something and it's making me uncomfortable. The least you could do is admit that I'm not freaking out about nothing."
He swallowed and tried to put on his most relaxed face. "It's…" He wanted to say that it was nothing, but that would just compound the lies he'd told already. He gritted his teeth.
Miranda nodded and started her engine. "I'll talk to you later."
She pulled off and the best he could manage was a meager, "Miranda…" as she was already leaving the parking lot. "Shit!" Ben lay in bed and waited for his girlfriend to call. When she did, he vowed to tell her everything. A text message twenty minutes later saying that he was home, was her universal sign for "don't call me, I'll call you". Pissed, he fumed for a long time before he got in his car and drove over to her place. Ben knocked on her door and felt like running away before she could answer. Two minutes later, the door opened and Miranda stood there in her robe. "Hi."
She crossed her arms. "Hello."
"Can I come in?" She moved to the side and he walked into her house. "Thanks." They stood in the foyer. "Can we sit or…?" Rolling her eyes, he followed her into the living room. They sat on her sofa. Ben reached for her hands and kissed them. Every time he felt ready to open his mouth and tell Miranda about Danny and Michael and what had happened, the words got caught in his throat. He expected her to get frustrated and kick him out. Coming over unannounced was a rude thing to do. He said as much to her.
Miranda just patted his leg. "I'll get the wine."
Drinking wine calmed his nerves and as they sat quietly, playing with each other's fingers, he gathered the courage to finally speak. "One of my best friends has been in a coma for 20 years." Her eyes widened. "No, no, no," Ben chuckled. "Michael is… was… uh, my other best friend. Danny, he's… Uh, the summer between our junior and senior year, the three of us took Danny's dad's car for a joyride, in the woods, driving fast without limits, being stupid like we often did." He licked his lips. "Danny never let either of us drive, so Mike and I took turns standing up in the back, feeling the… the rush." Ben closed his eyes for a second, remembering, like he did almost every day. He'd kept this part of his past a secret for their entire relationship and for every relationship he'd ever had. His chest was pounding and his stomach was in knots.
What if when she heard the story, she didn't trust him anymore? "After a few rides, I dared him to let one of us drive so that he could, you know, feel what we'd been feeling for once—his first time." He watched Miranda's eyes start to tear up and he clenched his jaw. "Mike was driving and Danny was sitting in the back when a deer jumped into our path and Mike had to brake hard. Danny was…" Ben took a sip of his wine, the glass shaking a little. "He was thrown out of the car. His head was split open and he's been unconscious ever since."
"Oh, Ben," she said taking his glass and putting on the coffee table. "Why… why didn't you tell me?"
He shook his head and didn't answer for a long time. "Guilt. I was afraid that you'd know about Danny and think differently of me."
"I could never," Miranda reassured him. "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."
"It was my fault. It is my fault. I wish we just decided to do something else that day. I wish I hadn't dared him and that I would have stayed in the back. I've wished… that… that it had been me." He thought about the many times he'd envisioned that it had been him who'd had the surgery, who was in the coma. Not Danny or even Mike. Him. Lying there for decades, a lifetime, stuck inside of himself. Miranda's touch made his eyes refocus.
"Ben…"
He pulled away from her. "It should have been me."
"Don't say that. Please don't say that. It was an accident."
He sighed. "Yeah. But one that could have been avoided and I hate myself for it every day."
"Well… have you seen him?"
Ben nodded. "I see him all of the time. That's where I was when I left you that morning in bed and when you were texting and calling me and I didn't answer, I was with Danny. I'd fallen asleep." She squeezed his hand and turned to face him completely. The look in her eyes wasn't one of pity, but one of love. "I wanted to tell you when we first started dating, but I was ashamed—am ashamed."
Moving close to him, she held on to him. He put his arms around her. "I'm glad that you told me that. That you trusted me with that."
"And you're not mad at me?"
"No. Do you want me to be?"
Ben laughed. "Of course not, but I've been lying to you for a long time."
"I understand why, but don't do it again." He kissed her lips, tasting the wine. "And what about Michael?"
"He took off after high school. I guess he couldn't stand being around after it'd happened. And I don't blame him. I wanted to take off, too, but my parents weren't having it." He bit his bottom lip. "I'm glad I didn't. I would have hated for The Monroes to have to deal with everything alone." Ben placed his hand on her leg and laid it across his lap, stroking it absentmindedly. He loved touching her just because. And loved how the usually stubborn and no-nonsense Dr. Bailey let him maneuver her body at his will.
"So, when do I get to meet Danny?" Miranda asked pulling him from his thoughts.
His brain sputtered. The emotion he'd been holding out came out in two fallen tears. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat trying to force the lump up or down. "I… you… uh, you want to meet him?"
"Of course, Benjamin. He's your best friend." Her smile warmed his body and lifted his spirits.
He ran a finger across her cheek, hooking her chin and pulling her closer. "You're amazing, you know that?"
"Well, that I already know." She kissed him again and it made every hair on his body rise. He stood up and took her hand, leading her toward her bedroom.
In the morning, Ben realized that he was pretty much free for the day and Miranda announced that she had the morning off. "I was thinking," he started rolling over and holding on to her waist. He eased a finger inside of the band of her panties.
"Stop," she whined, throwing a leg over his body. "And what were you thinking?"
"If you want, we could go and see Danny today. If you're up for it." He rushed the words out.
"Sure." They got dressed and Ben drove to the center. "Are you ready?" Miranda asked.
He got out of the car and opened her door. She held his arm. "Dr. Warren, you're back again?" The regular desk attendant, Marissa, said as Ben signed in.
"Hi, Marissa. Yeah, we just wanted to pop in see him."
"Oh, I didn't know you were married," Marissa said in the most upbeat voice.
Ben chuckled. "This is my girlfriend, Dr. Miranda Bailey."
They exchanged hellos. Marissa smiled brightly, "Well, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."
"He'd better be," Ben laughed. He grabbed Miranda's hand and they walked to the elevator.
The First Moment happened so suddenly, he didn't even feel it. They walked into Danny's room and he checked out everything like he normally did, forgetting that Miranda was with him. When he did look up, he saw her sitting by Danny's bedside. "You've known Ben for a long time, so I know you know that he lacks manners sometimes. But I'm Miranda, his girlfriend."
Ben chuckled as The Second Moment passed by quickly. "Dr. Miranda Bailey. He knows you're a doctor, babe.
"Do you have to tell everyone what my profession is?"
He nodded quickly. "Yeah, I do. I'm proud to be dating a doctor."
Ben pulled up the only other chair and sat next to her. "She's gorgeous, right, D?" He asked, The Third Moment sweeping over him, noticeably, but not shaking him. He put his arm around Miranda.
"You're embarrassing," she replied and he caught her blushing and smiling, looking at Danny. He wondered what was going on in her mind. She was a doctor after all, a surgeon. Her mind was probably moving one million miles a minute, but she sat back in the chair, comfortable. "Well, finally, I get to meet someone from Benjamin's childhood who isn't a family member."
There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Ben said. The door opened and Mike was standing there.
"Hey. Oh, sorry. I can come back."
Ben waved him off. "Come in, Mike. You remember my girlfriend?"
Mike held out his hand. "Of course, Dr. Bailey."
"Please call me Miranda," she said shaking her head.
"Hey, D," Mike said standing on the other side of Danny's bed. "Wow. The last time I saw you, you barely had one chin hair." Two of the men laughed.
"Mans couldn't grow any but peach fuzz," Ben added.
"And kept shaving every day." Their laughter filled the room and Ben chuckled so hard his stomach began hurting.
Miranda's phone beeped. Ben stood up and kissed her cheek as she stepped out of the room. He gestured to the chair, silently asking Mike to sit down. "Looking at D like this is so hard. I can barely do it." Mike lowered his voice. "I don't know how you do it."
Ben sighed. "I blamed myself for a long time."
"You? You weren't driving."
"I'm the one who dared him," Ben shot back. They stopped talking for a long time. "But none of that matters now, Mikey. We just have to live our lives."
"I thought about both of y'all in every city I visited," Mike told him. "I've never had any other close friends."
"But you got married."
"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you get someone pregnant and her dad practically forces you to marry her."
Ben sat up in his chair. "Shit, you have a kid?!" He looked from Mike to Danny.
"Yeah, Danny." Ben's heart fluttered. "14 and wild as hell." They laughed again.
"If you're the father, it makes perfect sense," Ben said.
"D, did this negro just say 'if'?" Mike smiled. "How's your mom and dad?"
Ben wiped his hands on his pants. "They're good. Yours?"
"Fine. Fine. You've probably seen them more than I have." That was true. All of their parents were friends. They went to each other's parties and celebrations, so Ben saw them a lot. With Danny injured and Mike gone, Ben felt like he had to be a son to each parent group. To him, it was nothing to mow a lawn or pick up mail or run errands any chance he got. He was the conscious one. He was the one who stayed. "And you became a doctor?"
Shrugging, Ben grinned. "An anesthesiologist."
"What happened to you being a star NBA player?"
"The fact that I stopped growing once I turned 19."
Mike gave him the onceover. "I think Danny is taller is than you. He was always the better athlete anyway." Ben stuck up his middle finger as they enjoyed another laugh. "Being here with you two feels like nothing has changed."
Ben scoffed. "Except you got married and have a kid." He still couldn't wrap his mind around that one.
"True. And you finally got some poor woman to date you." They laughed again.
Ben wondered where Miranda had gone. He sent her a quick message and she replied that she was fine. He nodded. "Yeah."
"Are you two going to get married?"
"I don't know. It's been less than a year."
"But is it going well?" Mike asked. "I mean… you look happy. You look good."
"Thank you." Ben glanced over at his friend. Taking a full look at him. "You don't look so bad yourself, old man. Are you happy?"
Mike rubbed his beard. "I'm trying to get there. Therapy is helping."
"Good. That's really good for you."
"Are you in therapy?"
Ben shook his head. "Nah, I'm not."
"Maybe you should. I mean, the other day, Miranda didn't even know about Danny."
"And now she knows." Ben's temper was rising.
"I'm not arguing with you, hothead. I'm just pointing it out. It's all love." The men went silent. "Have you seen The Monroes lately?" Ben nodded. "I should visit them."
"You should. I could, uh… I could go with you. If you wanted."
Mike exhaled. "Yes. Thanks. You always were a good friend."
"You, too, Mikey."
The two of them shook hands, standing up to hug, holding on to each other tightly. Years of lost friendship resurfacing instantly. "Damn," Mike said when they pulled away, eyes watery. "I didn't even ask if you had kids."
"I don't," Ben responded. "But Miranda has one and he's amazing."
"You wanted like five kids. And you wanted to marry my sister."
"I'll take three and if by some twist of fate Miranda dumps me, tell Yo-Yo to call me," Ben said putting his hand up to his ear. The door opened again. Miranda poked her head in and beckoned for him to come outside. "What's up? Everything okay?"
"I have to go in," she said. "It's an emergency."
"Okay, I'll drive you."
"No, no, no. You stay. Talk to your friends."
"You're sure? Baby, I can leave and come back."
She put her hands on his waist. "I will be fine. I promise." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'm just sorry my first meeting with Danny was cut short." She reached for a hug. "I hope he likes me. I mean, your best friend has to sign off, right?"
Ben grinned, blushing. "He loves you. And I love you," he whispered in her ear.
"I love you." She popped back into the room and said goodbye to Danny and Mike. Ben went with her to the entrance and watched her get into an Uber.
Back inside of 414, Mike turned to Ben, "Your lady… I approve."
"Thank you."
"And don't take this the wrong way, but she is fine!"
They slapped hands. "Tell me about it. But I've always had good taste." Mike rolled his eyes. "Need I remind you of who I took to junior prom. And then who I took to senior prom."
"Because you did their homework, stop frontin'."
"Sounds like you're hatin'." The two of them talked to each other and to Danny for a while longer. By the time they'd decided to leave, it was starting to get dark out. Before they parted, Ben said: "Don't be a stranger."
"I'm in town for the foreseeable future, so you two will be seeing a lot more of me."
"I'm gonna hold you to that." They shook hands, hugging once more; then, they got in their cars and left. Ben called Miranda hoping that she wasn't in surgery so that he could talk to her and see her. The phone rang a few times before she picked up.
Her voice was like music to his ears. "Hello?"
"Hey, babe, I'm just leaving the center and I was wondering if you're up to getting some dinner or something."
"We could eat," she said.
"Tuck's with you?"
"Yeah, should I call Tucker?"
He screwed up his face. "For what?" Ben could hear her smiling and smiled, too. "We could get some burgers or something. Whatever you want. Whatever he wants."
"Well, we'd love to go out with you."
"Good. Because I'm right outside," Ben told her with a chuckle. He got out of the car and walked to her front door, his heart lighter now that he wasn't onto something that probably shouldn't have been a secret in the first place.
"Well, come on in," she said opening her door. He stepped into her house, hugging her and kissing her cheek. "I'm not dressed for dinner yet, but I will be." He stared at her in her robe, slightly open and showing the cutest set of pajamas.
Tuck ran out of the living room, still in his school uniform. "Hi, Ben!" Tuck squeaked.
Ben smiled, play-fighting him a little. "How are you, buddy?"
"Good! My teacher bringed her dragon."
"Brought, William George," Miranda corrected.
"Brought. And it had a beard!"
Ben looked at Miranda and saw her grinning. "A bearded dragon," she explained.
"Oh. Oh! That's so cool. Did you pet it?" He asked as Tuck dragged him into the living room. The boy nodded.
"Honey, go and take off your uniform and I'll be up to help you get dressed."
The soon-to-be five-year-old said that he could do it and Ben laughed. After he was out of the room, Ben walked over to her, pressing his lips against hers and slipping his tongue into her mouth as soon as she allowed him to. His hands gripped her body, pushing them together. Miranda moaned softly. "My child is here."
"I'm just saying hello," Ben said rubbing his nose on her skin. "And thank you."
She pulled away. "I'm mean, you're welcome, but why are you thanking me?"
"Because I just feel so much better having told you. And I'm thankful that you know me well enough that you knew that there was something I wasn't saying." She just shrugged and the nonchalance both turned him on and pissed him off. He kissed her again. "And," he sighed, "Michael is back and we just had a good time catching up and…" He stopped talking and stared at her. "I'm truly happy."
"That's good, Ben."
"And you're a big part of that."
"Am I?" Miranda ran a finger along his beard and he kissed the palm of her hand. Ben nodded.
"Mommy!" Tuck called out. Miranda kissed him again and went to help her son.
The rest of the night was filled with laughs as the three of them went to a restaurant and had a good time. In bed later, Ben put his head on her stomach as she massaged his scalp. "I want to marry you, Miranda Bailey." Her hands stopped moving. He sat up. "Now, I'm not asking you right now, but I'm telling you so that you warm up to the idea. I know it'll take you a while." Smiling, he kissed her cheek. "We've talked about it before," he said sitting up and forcing her to do the same, "but only in a blanketed way, but I'm saying, today, well, tonight, that, yes, I want to get married. And, yes, I want to get married to you."
Miranda pushed his chest. "Stop playing."
"I'm not," he laughed. "I'm committed to you and to Tuck."
She inhaled. "I feel the same way."
"Good. Then, we'll let the idea of us sharing a life marinate."
"Is this about Danny? And… and Michael?"
"It is about them, but it's not." Ben exhaled deeply. "Does that make sense?" He was glad when Miranda nodded because he couldn't explain what possessed him to make such a declaration. But it felt right and he had no qualms about making the lifetime promise.
"I love you," she said touching both sides of his face with her hands and planting a deep kiss on him.
"I love you, too," he echoed, putting his head back on her stomach.