They were alone, that projection of her father stared blankly at where she had stood. She wanted nothing more than to be angry and lash out but could not bring herself to do it. There was a numbness where the burning rage should have been. She squeezed her legs in tighter and rubbed her eyes. She had been so adamant that Krypton was guiltless in its war with Daxam. Having heard what Krypton was capable of and willing to do, it was probably all lies. Worse, they were lies revealed by someone she had so readily accused of being a liar himself. Optic having credibility on his side stung as much as the truth itself, it left little room for doubt.
Lena had not said anything, she left her arm around her and was looking at the projection. She knew Lena was thinking away behind her sympathetic expression. She had new facts to pour over and theories to form. She wanted to enjoy the silence, though the niggling doubts kept her from finding comfort. It was hard to tell whether it was the ring playing tricks or just plain old Kara not knowing how to react.
"Why are you still here?" Kara said.
"I've been where you are. I could see it on your face, the confusion, the betrayal. Zor-El was family, wasn't he?" Lena asked.
"My father," she said. Lena nodded.
"When I had family issues, I thought I wanted to be alone too. I'll respect your wishes if you really want me to leave," she said. Kara said nothing, she leaned into her, her head rested on Lena's shoulder.
"I found it so easy to blame myself, I spiralled into something I didn't want to be because of it. I thought I needed to be hard and cold to not let it get to me," Lena said.
"So, what do I do?" she said.
"Whenever I was at my lowest, someone I know always told me that it was okay just to be me. To believe I was better than my name. It was good advice," Lena said. Kara's face felt strange for a moment. It was only the briefest of smiles. She was so different back then, just the right combination of naïve and a lack of burdens. She was uncertain if that was someone she could be again. Despite everything, there was comfort to be found in Lena's presence. Problem after problem was piling up and she just had to let some of it go.
"I need to keep the ring, even after the World Killers are dealt with," she said. Lena cocked her head, her expression dropped for only a moment as she looked into her eyes.
"I trust you," Lena said, she hugged her tighter when she spoke.
"There's something big going on with the other Lanterns, I don't think I can run from it," she said.
"I've never known you to run from doing the right thing," Lena said.
"Or maybe I'm just like my dad, telling myself it's for the greater good when all I'm doing is justifying myself desperately clinging on to power," she said.
"I can't speak for you, but I know that you aren't him. Even questioning your own motives shows compassion, strong enough to blaze through that ring of yours," Lena said. Kara pulled away slightly.
"How do you do it, stay so relentlessly positive in the face of it all?" she said. Lena gave her a warm smile.
"That person I mentioned, I learned it from her." Kara shifted, the ring's hum was still trying to burn its way into her thoughts.
"Your brother. Your mother. Does the guilt ever go away?" She said. Lena broke eye contact, she gazed over at the flickering image.
"I like to think I'm a logical person. That I can tell myself that my actions differ from theirs and that's the end of it," Lena's smile faded. "It doesn't work very often. Even if I could get over it myself, there's always something or someone reminding me of my family's legacy."
"Does it at least get easier?" Kara said.
"It varies. I know it'll never truly go away for me. I let it motivate me, the more good I do and people I help, the more I can at least try to push back against it. I keep doing the next best thing and can find solace in doing as much as I can for those around me," Lena said.
"Well, you seem to have made a habit in supporting secret Kryptonians," she said. Lena beamed at her.
"What?" Kara said.
"I think that's the first joke you've made since you got the ring." She let go of her, stood up and offered her hand. Kara stumbled slightly when she took it, a light-headedness faded when a crescendo of her heartbeats pumped around her body. The hissing hum of the ring became the white noise once more.
"Well, the next best thing is to finish this World Killer business," Kara said. She went to switch off the image but stopped herself. "With all this extra Krypton information they have about me. You don't think that'll clue Sam or Oddball into my identity." Lena sucked air through her teeth.
"What is it?" Kara asked,
"He already knows," she said.
"He what?" Kara said.
"He worked it out." Lena looked sheepish, a few shouts pierced through the white noise. "Being honest, I think he clocked it the moment he met you. It's part of the reason I've been so lenient with him. If he truly had a malicious agenda he could have easily kept both of us busy or distracted with one anonymous phone call, instead he chose to keep your secret. I should have told you sooner, there was just a lot going on." Though her heart boomed louder, she was unable to be angry at her. She switched off the database, her father's face broke away into nothing.
"There's work to be done," Kara said. She held the door open for Lena.
"If you want to talk, any time, any place. Let me know," Lena said. She nodded at her and watched her go by.
They snaked their way back through the corridors to the main control room. J'onn was still commanding the lively room with the new Green Lantern was breathing down his neck. The fallout of the Daxam incident was still going strong as everything he did was watched and quietly scrutinized by the Lantern's presence. Oddball and Alex's faces were lit up by some screens on the far side of the space, from what she could see Alex was advising agents with Oddball being a far less intrusive onlooker than the Green Lantern. Lena hurried over to him and pulled him aside. Kara stayed put to watch and listen to the scenes unfold.
"She knows you know, don't be a dick about it if you talk to her," Lena said to him.
"She's probably listening," he said, he glanced her way from across the room.
"I don't care, be nice to her or you'll have me to answer to," Lena said. He responded with a non-committal grunt.
"That's not a yes," she said.
"You're right, it isn't," he said.
"You know damn well she doesn't deserve this attitude of yours, so I'm not going to explain myself," she said. He glanced over at her again and pouted.
"I'll try," he said.
"Good, now where's Sam?" She asked.
"Infirmary, her brawl with Perrilus did a number on her. Glad you managed to make use of that Nth metal so damn quickly, someone that brave needs all the defence they can get," he said.
"Is she going to be okay?" she said.
"Yeah, just needs a looking at and some rest. Zor-El managed to make us a durable bunch," he said.
"I'd still like to keep working on the shield, more Nth metal wouldn't go amiss" she said.
"My source is usually pretty busy," he said.
"You can ask him when he's done with J'onn," she said. His head cocked and he looked taken aback. Lena moved off before he could respond. After his moment of mild shock, he shook his head and that wry grin of his rose.
"Well played," he said quietly, he returned to what he was doing.
Time flew on by, she stayed mostly still to let the room work around her. She thought back to when she was young. The orange skies of Krypton would glow and the cool spring breeze would flow through her room window. Growing up in paradise with her family had been something she held close. All those times she played with her dad, or when she would rush to greet him and excitably tell him about her day. She had asked him what he did on several occasions throughout her childhood. It was usually the same answer. A scientist with research that was for the good of Krypton, highly valued by the council and so very important. Many of those times when he came back and hugged her he must have come back from that secret lab of his. He created monsters from innocents, then would come home and act like it was just a normal day at work. Maybe to him it was. Her eyes followed Optic around the room, she was afraid to know more. There were so many more memories of her home and family that he could taint. She looked down at the symbol on her chest, pulling the material and stretching out the House of El symbol sitting comfortably within the Red Lantern corps pattern. It was supposed to mean hope, to most it probably still did. She would have to break the news to Kal at some point. She rubbed her face and forced her gaze away from Optic, it was so much easier when he was a liar. She caught Lena looking at her when she scanned the room, Lena did not flinch or turn away. She simply smiled at her again, the warmth of it helped settle her.
"I think we've got something," Alex announced. Supergirl paid as much attention as she could through the memories. A map of the country appeared on the main viewscreen and an area lit up, zooming in gradually. "Reports of sudden and mysterious illness with matching symptoms to Perrilus' presence are coming from the outskirts of Gotham. The timing matches up and it seems limited to a specific area."
"Gotham? That's the other side of the country," Lena said.
"You didn't see how hard Supergirl hit her," Optic said. J'onn pushed through the commentary.
"Contact the Gotham D.E.O. and send them what we have. Recommend as many bio-protections as possible and to prep to evacuate the area," J'onn said to the room, he then turned to her. "Supergirl this one is yours."
"She shouldn't go alone," the Green Lantern said, stepping forward.
"The only people I know that are safe to approach her are Kryptonians, if she breaks your shielding you're more hinderance than help," he said.
"I'm with greenie, she can't be trusted alone with Perrilus," Optic said.
"Ms. Arias is injured and Superman is indisposed, per your request I might remind you. I'm not risking any non-Kryptonians. She can handle this herself," J'onn said.
"Then I'll go," Optic said. J'onn looked at the screen and thought for a moment.
"Supergirl, he's with you," he said.
"You can't be serious?" she said.
"To get consistent reports this quickly, Perrilus must be staying in one place. That says to me she's either injured or not looking for a fight. His knowledge might be useful to calm her down, you can get him there quickly and should action need to be taken against him you'll be on hand," he said. She looked over at Optic, his arms were folded. He was somehow huffier than she was.
"Look, I'm hardly enthused about this pairing either, but he's right," he said. She sneered at him, of course she had to work with the absolute last person she wanted to see. The ring sent a strange shiver through her, it was as if it found a way to laugh at her. She looked over to Lena, a shrug and half-smile was all she got in return. There was no time to protest, Lena's trust in him and J'onn's judgement would have to be enough.
"We've also found irregular seismic activity, minor but the epicentres are moving in a pattern east away from National city, nothing definite yet but needs checking," Alex said.
"I'm on it," the Green lantern said.
"You have your assignments, we'll keep monitoring from here and update you as and when we get new information," J'onn said, he handed her an earpiece.
"Let's get this over with," Supergirl said to herself, checking the map again before picking up Optic and shooting off.