Thanks so much for the lovely feedback and reactions to this story so far. They always entertain me.
I don't know if anyone has really noticed, but there is currently a bit of a theme with the chapter titles. Specifically, the chapters are named after different worlds that appear in the chapter. I don't know if I'll be able to keep that theme up the entire time, but it is in place for now.
But the reason that I bring it up is that this chapter is named for a world that hasn't actually shown up in the games yet. Specifically, I am referencing the film "Coco" with the location. It was a great movie, so I kind of snuck it in to this story briefly.
Though he rarely needed to handle the task personally during the last few years, his rank within the original Organization XIII allowing him to assign such matters to other members, Saïx knew how to perform reconnaissance.
He arrived in a small town, the weather rather warm without quite reaching the temperatures of Agrabah. Keeping either in the shadows or on the rooftops, Saïx managed to avoid the eyes of the locals as he studied everything. Most of the buildings were older, but in good condition. Colorful paper banners stretched between the buildings, decorative patterns cut into the material. Occasionally he would pass close enough to some of the homes to hear the sizzle of cooking or to pick up the scent of something spicy. Most of the inhabitants seemed to be humans, though he'd glimpsed a hairless dog running around and begging for scraps.
If Saïx happened to drop a piece of bread from lunch and the dog gobbled it up, that was merely a coincidence.
In what seemed to be the town plaza were almost a dozen musicians scattered around, most of them wearing brightly-colored suits and broad hats. Music filled the air; various songs and instruments blending together harmoniously. In the center of the plaza was a bronze statue, one old enough to have oxidized. The statue depicted a man with a guitar.
It wasn't enough to definitively tell if music and musicians were important to the entire town, but they were certainly valued within this particular plaza.
Saïx wandered away from the plaza and the crowds. Stealth was something that all Organization members possessed, so it was easy enough to move around without trouble. There was no reason to worry. He maintained a low profile despite his clothes not fitting in, keeping out of sight. He continued his mission, but without much intent behind his actions. Saïx searched without intending to find what he was sent to find. He let the music fade behind him.
Until he heard sitar music ahead of him.
Tucked into a little corner, not far from a painted sign advertising that the inhabitants made shoes, Saïx spotted a hooded figure quietly playing a blue sitar. He couldn't see the face under the black coat. And the hooded figure didn't notice Saïx's presence. He just kept playing softly.
Foreign emotions slithered around inside him, trying to spur him forward. Saïx felt a strong urge to grab the figure and drag him back to the Organization, to collect the potential vessel so they could fulfill the prophecy.
But not his emotions. Not his urge. They didn't come from Saïx's heart. They belonged to someone else. Uninvited, unwanted, and all too familiar.
Saïx forced himself to turn away, to not look closer at the figure. He couldn't disobey a direct order, but he didn't know for certain who the hooded figure might be. He couldn't see the person's face as he played the sitar. There was a chance that it was some random stranger. And as long as there was a chance, Saïx could leave the hooded figure alone without disobeying.
He could have this small rebellious freedom. An act that belong solely to himself and not from the person that he'd been twisted into becoming.
He was supposed to look for Demyx or Vexen and bring them back. He did not see them in this world.
He edged away from the sitar-playing "stranger," moving carefully to avoid attracting attention. But even as Saïx summoned a dark corridor in a shadowy corner, he was still close enough to witness an older woman charge out the door, shout "No music!" at the top of her lungs, and throw a shoe hard enough to knock the hooded figure off his feet. Saïx forcibly ignored the yelp of surprise and distress and how familiar it sounded as he slipped away.
Returning empty-handed meant that he'd failed, which sparked sharp stabs of anger, frustration, and disappointment in himself.
Not his. Not him.
Saïx had grown better at distinguishing between what came from himself and what came from outside influence. From that foreign and dark heart that they'd forced upon him instead of returning his own heart as promised so long ago. He couldn't ignore or escape the impulses and emotions and he couldn't keep them from influencing his own thoughts and decisions, but he could at least tell the difference now.
Before, Saïx couldn't see what was happening. The effects were too slow and subtle at first to notice, creeping into his mind and behavior. But they were there from his very first moments as a Nobody, already digging their way into him. It took years for that outside influence to reshape him. And since he wasn't supposed to have a heart or feel anything, Saïx couldn't recognize someone else's emotions burrowing into him like parasites. Not until that brief reprieve when he was recompleted and his heart was the only one in his chest, his emotions the only ones that he could feel and nothing unnatural to color his thoughts and memories.
A brief moment of freedom after his destruction as a Nobody and before Saïx became a chosen vessel.
It didn't last long. As soon as they realized that he was awake, Xigbar remarked vaguely about how he grabbed him from Radiant Garden for a specific purpose and a teenage boy with white hair who stabbed him in the chest with a Keyblade. But that short span of time was enough for Saïx to see the past few years with clearer eyes.
He saw where he grew disconnected from everyone even as his loyalty and obedience to Xemnas came to the forefront. He saw where slight jealousy and hurt over Axel's behavior were fed by that foreign influence into something toxic, becoming darker, colder, and sharper. He could finally see how they tied puppet strings on him and slowly tightened a noose around his neck.
And he finally saw what Axel saw when he looked at Saïx. He saw nothing but the tiniest fragments of Isa buried beneath the years of corruption and influence.
Clear-headed and free of outside manipulations, Saïx could abruptly recognize his own emotions. He'd felt as a Nobody. But even those weren't completely his emotions. Positive ones were suppressed while darker ones were strengthened and redirected towards more appropriate targets.
He could recognize his fury at Axel for his betrayal and abandonment, his hatred for Roxas and later Sora for taking away his friend, and other negative emotions cultivated by that outside influence. The rage, jealous, and hurt were fed and coaxed into something vicious, cruel, and spiteful.
He was upset. Saïx could admit that much came from himself. But the extremes that he went to with his actions, the cold cruelty towards the others, was nurtured by outside forces. He still wanted to lash out at Axel, Roxas, Sora, and everyone for what happened, but Saïx could also recognize that he'd already been lost by the time that Roxas joined the Organization and that the Keybearer was the only reason that Axel didn't end up the same way.
When the Keyblade struck his chest, Saïx lost his heart for a second time. But he kept his new realizations and awareness. He recognized the unnatural sensation of another person's heart and emotions influencing him, trying to re-tie those puppet strings.
He knew what was happening this time and, in some ways, that was worse than his previous ignorance. Those emotions filled the numb emptiness, but they weren't him. They weren't his emotions. But they felt like him and he had to struggle to remember what his true self should feel. He needed to remember because he had a new purpose. After he lost his original purpose and goal, watching it splintered and fray away with the passing years until he was completely adrift, he'd finally found a new reason to keep going. One that he couldn't let slip away.
Saïx might have told Vexen that he was trying to atone and that was true. But he knew that, whether or not someone else was influencing his actions, everything that he'd done was unforgivable. Redemption was not something that he deserved.
But his actions… Bringing Vexen back into the fold, providing him access to all the research possible, suggesting that he smuggle the replicas to the guardians of light… He wasn't doing it to stop Master Xehanort or to help Sora and his friends. He wasn't doing it to save all the different worlds or to prevent everlasting darkness.
He did it because he wanted to give Lea his friends back.
He stepped out of the dark corridor, fully expected to be alone upon his arrival at the Badlands. But Saïx nearly tripped over a limp figure on the ground immediately. His clothes covered in dust and blood matting his hair on the side of his head, likely caused by the blow that knocked him unconscious, Vexen clearly didn't manage to evade the Organization permanently.
"Looks like I had better luck than you did," said Xigbar, stepping around Saïx.
While not in as bad condition as the scientist, Vexen clearly didn't go down without a fight. Frost still clung to Xigbar's black coat in places and Saïx spotted flecks of ice in his hair.
"Found him in Halloweentown," he continued. "Vexen seemed a little reluctant to come back, but I managed to persuade him."
Keeping his voice even and trying not to wonder if Vexen had let slip his involvement, Saïx said, "As long as one of the potential vessels was retrieved, Lord Xemnas and Master Xehanort will be satisfied. Continuing to search for Demyx would be a waste of time and energy that could be better used for more productive ventures."
Shrugging, Xigbar said, "Whatever. As long as we're back on track, I don't care about the particulars. Not like Demyx would be anyone's first choice anyway. You can keep looking for him or give up. As for me? I'll take Brainiac here to see the boss and get him off the bench properly."
Xigbar reached down and grabbed Vexen's wrist. And treating the limp Nobody like a bag of garbage, Xigbar dragged the unconscious scientist behind him as he walked away. Saïx stared in silence. The next time that he would see Vexen, he would be one of the chosen vessels and a foreign heart would be jammed in his chest.
Such was the risk of their attempt to seek atonement.
Saïx turned and walked away. The tall stone cliffs only possessed a single narrow canyon that allowed passage through, long shadows reaching down. The dry and hot world wasn't as effective a headquarters as the World That Never Was nor Castle Oblivion. But those locations had been compromised. And the small and hidden off-world lab for Vexen's work wasn't practical as a gathering place even before its destruction. The Badlands and the Keyblade Graveyard beyond it would have to do. There was no shelter and far too much dust, but the location was secluded and it would serve as the location for the final battle. Which made it ideal for the real Organization to use in the meantime.
He didn't know what Vexen would reveal once it happened. Perhaps he would be able to keep silent about Saïx and his role. But did it truly matter? They couldn't risk disposing of one of their chosen vessels right before the final battle. And he did not expect to survive until the end anyway. They wouldn't care about his action as long as he fulfilled his role during the clash between darkness and light. And he wouldn't be able to resist when the time came, so he would fulfill that role.
There was nothing that they could do to him as punishment if they ever learned of his small rebellion. In some ways, it was a reassuring thought. They needed him alive and in fighting shape. And after… Well, he wasn't even certain that he would come back a second time. How could he expect to be recompleted when there barely seemed to be anything left of Isa? More and more of himself seemed to wear away, eroding over time under the corruptive force burying deeper into the cracks and breaking him apart.
As Saïx stepped out from under the shadows of the rock formations, he spotted two more of his teammates. Empty potion bottles in their hands, Larxene and Marluxia were trying to treat various burns. Part of Larxene's hair was even burnt away. It didn't take a genius to realize the cause.
"I don't suppose that you retrieved either of the replicas for Lord Xemnas," he said, his tone even and emotionless.
"For once, the guardians of light took unexpected precautions. Their Princess of Heart sealed the door with a Keyblade," said Marluxia, unconcerned by the failure. "Not even the Superior could gain access. There was no opportunity to access the replicas before they made use of them. Roxas and Number XIV have been restored."
Laughing harshly, Larxene said, "At least Axel didn't get to enjoy having his tinker toys back for long."
"You destroyed them already?" asked Saïx. "I highly doubt that Roxas fell so easily. For all his flaws, he was never weak."
Roxas and the other Keybearer, the one that only existed in mission reports and in none of their memories, could not be gone. Not after he went to such lengths to give Lea back his friends. He needed to give Lea back his friends.
It was the only thing that Saïx could do for him. He couldn't make up for everything that he'd done, but Saïx had wanted to at least do that much.
"Well, that was my original plan," she said, wincing as she poured another potion on the burn on her wrist. "One little parting gift as we left. But instead of a few knives in their backs when they weren't looking, someone decided to play hero. Axel really didn't get any smarter after getting his heart back." With a vicious smirk, Larxene said, "We didn't get the replicas, but at least they're down one guardian of light. Looks like the traitor finally got the fate that he deserved."
Saïx stiffened, maintaining a neutral expression solely from practice and a naturally stoic personality. He couldn't have heard her right. She had to be wrong. Or lying. It couldn't be true.
"Are you claiming that you seriously wounded him as you retreated?" he asked evenly.
"I'm saying that he's dead." Larxene grinned cruelly, far too pleased with herself. "Humans don't exactly survive four knives in their chest. After all the trouble that traitor caused, he was dumb enough to get killed over those two tinker toys."
Only allowing himself to close his eyes for a moment, no more than a long blink, Saïx said quietly, "I see. Once you have finished treating your injuries, it would be prudent to inform Lord Xemnas of this development."
"While he knows some of what transpired, you are correct. We will speak with him shortly," said Marluxia.
"Really? I expected a more interesting reaction over Axel getting himself killed." Larxene shook her head. "I knew you were cold, but now you're just boring."
Saïx didn't say another word, turning around and walking back towards the rocks at a calm and controlled pace. But the moment that he was in the narrow canyon, tucked out of sight and shadows blanketing him, he collapsed against the stone wall.
Eyes pressed shut and his breathing hitching slightly, Saïx was trapped in an internal struggle with himself. Lea was dead. His friend was dead. And it was his fault. Lea died protecting the replicas that Saïx encouraged Vexen to smuggle out. If Saïx didn't try to make amends, then Lea would have been fine.
It was his fault.
Anger at Lea's betrayal and abandonment, vindictive pleasure at him bringing such a fate upon himself as "a deserving punishment," and satisfaction that they were moving towards their goal boiled and swirled inside Saïx. He felt pleased that Lea was dead. He felt like Lea deserved it. He felt it.
But it wasn't him. Saïx could feel it, but it wasn't him. He wasn't supposed to feel this way about his friend being killed. These weren't his emotions.
They belonged to Master Xehanort's heart.
When Axel destroyed himself to help the Keybearer, Saïx focused on blaming Axel for dying from his own mistakes. He focused on the act of betrayal. He focused on how Roxas (and thus Sora) caused the entire thing. He focused on that instead of the loss itself. But he knew looking back that he was hurting from that loss even in his denial.
But this wasn't a denial of his emotions. This was feeling something that wasn't him.
He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't feel good that Lea was gone. He didn't want to feel this way. Not when it was Saïx's fault. The utter wrongness was nearly suffocating.
"I'm sorry, Lea," he said shakily.
And maybe, beneath the foreign and intruding emotions, there was something else. From the same place where his jealousy and resentment once bubbled up. Grief, guilt, self-loathing, and hurt sparked out of those tiny fragments of the person that he used to be. Those faint, painful, and faded feelings were real. He wasn't supposed to have a heart of his own, only a version of Xehanort's, but Saïx could tell those quieter and painful emotions didn't come from someone else.
The pain was his. It was buried beneath the unnatural and unwanted feelings invading him, but Saïx was mourning his loss. But even that much felt wrong, poisoned by the corruptive influence into something darker. Just like how his jealousy was twisted into something sharper. More damaging.
His fragile new purpose had shattered. His faint hope flickered out like a candle flame. Lea was his oldest friend and the only fragment left of the past. And now he was gone. There was nothing left. Resisting felt pointless.
He should just accept his fate.
Saïx forced himself to take a deep breath and let it out slowly, but even that seemed to take more effort than it was worth. But he couldn't stand around all day. Not when he was one of the chosen vessels and should be happy about the loss of one of the guardians of light. He couldn't allow himself to be affected.
He pushed himself away from the stone surface, letting his expression slip into something empty and cold. All inner turmoil vanished beneath calm features. He let himself slip back into his old role. He let himself fall back into familiar patterns, becoming the person that Xemnas spent a decade shaping him to be.
He gave up.
Saïx stopped fighting against the darkness in Xehanort's heart, something that he'd been doing since they took his own heart a second time. He lacked the willpower or hope to continue. He let it consume him, corrupting him into a proper and loyal vessel. An obedient puppet who no longer fought the strings.
He would fight the final battle. He would be destroyed in the process. And that would be the end of it. Saïx would be gone just like Lea was gone now. A fitting end for what he'd done and what he'd become.
He walked away, trying to ignore how even in the choking darkness inside him, a tiny spark of Isa continued to hold on. And it mourned deeply for his friend and the mistakes that cost him everything that he had left.
After a short climb, the walkway disappearing behind him and ensuring that he had no option except to move forward, Lea reached another stained-glass platform. It was just as large as the other one. But the illuminated image was drastically different.
Lea studied it closely. He saw a picture of himself, dressed in the black Organization coats and bearing the familiar marks on his face, sitting on the clocktower in Twilight Town. His surroundings even shared the same warm shade of orange as the sunset. The image of himself looked so relaxed, wearing a calm and drowsy expression with his eyes half-shut, as if he was ready to doze off at any moment. Perched next to him on the ledge, with a sea-salt ice cream in his hand, was Roxas. The teenager leaned against him slightly, staring off towards the horizon with a content look on his face. But on the other side…
A large section of the stained-glass floor was gone. Shattered. The broken glass looked razor sharp around the jagged edges of the hole. Sharp enough to slice to the bone. And while the rest of the surface had light coming through the brightly-colored glass, the opening only exposed the deepest shadows. It was impossible to ignore the damaged section. The hole left behind by the loss was too big to ignore.
"What do you fear most?"
Once again, the strange voice that came from everywhere rang through his head. And while there were no offered choices this time, so many answers came to Lea.
He was afraid of being forgotten. He always had been, even as a child. His parents barely noticed or remembered his presence most of the time anyway. No matter what he did, his family barely paid any attention or spared a thought about him. He could disappear overnight or even for a couple days with Isa and they never seemed to notice his absence. So yeah, he definitely had issues when it came to being forgotten by the people who did seem to care about him. He just wanted to be remembered.
He was afraid of being forgotten. Or forgetting someone important in turn. Because he knew how much it hurt to be forgotten and never wanted to cause someone that same pain.
He was afraid of losing his heart again, of that numb emptiness and not caring about anything. Not caring about his friends. Or hurting people who didn't deserve it and not feeling a thing. Becoming nothing more than an emotionless weapon that only mattered when someone used him to advance their plans. Losing more and more pieces of himself until there was nothing left except that numb emptiness that could never be filled. He was afraid of being nothing more than the Organization's assassin, taking out targets without hesitation or regrets because nothing mattered. It didn't matter who he took out or who chose the target. Nothing mattered and he felt nothing.
He was afraid of losing his friends. There were so many ways to lose them. Physically losing them or watching them be twisted into something that he couldn't even recognize.
He was afraid of not being able to protect them. Of trying so hard to protect them, to help them, to save the people that he cared about… and then failing. Watching them slip away despite everything that he could do.
And he was afraid of being the one that hurt them. Not just his friends being hurt, but Lea being the one to do it. Of causing them pain. Of breaking his friends' hearts. Or fighting them, attacking them and nearly killing them. Of causing them suffering and grief.
He feared loss. In all its forms. Loss of memories. Loss of emotions. Loss of friendship and trust. Loss of the people that he cared about, both through abandonment and death. Loss caused by his own actions, by the actions that he didn't take, by his weaknesses, or by his countless mistakes and failures.
"What I fear the most has already happened. Everything that I'm afraid of has already happened," he said quietly. "I've faced my fears already. I've already lost everything once. And it hurt. But I'm still here."
His words didn't cause a response from the mysterious voice and nothing new appeared. That didn't leave him with very many options. Not knowing what else to do, Lea took a cautious step towards the ragged hole. A loud and sharp sound rang out, causing him to jerk back out of fear of further breaking glass.
No… That wasn't more glass breaking under him. The sound was wrong. Backwards…
He stepped forward, refusing to flinch when the noise struck again. This time, he spotted it. Rising out of the dark chasm, slivers of glass reattached to the jagged edges. Each piece connected to the next.
Like links in a chain, whispered something that was probably a memory of Naminé. It sounded like something she would say.
And the closer that Lea came, the more broken slivers of colorful glass returned to repair the damage. He kept moving forward, causing the image of another black coat to form. The repairing picture showed another small figure. Another kid holding sea-salt ice cream.
Part of him knew who it was. The girl. The black-haired girl, like a dark reflection of a younger Kairi or Naminé. A girl that he'd seen recently, though he couldn't recall when. A girl that he knew… That he cared about…
Why were his memories slipping through his fingers like smoke?
The final broken pieces of colored glass fused into place, completing her face. And as he saw her bright blue eyes, lost memories came rushing back with the speed and force of a tsunami. Lea dropped to his knees gasping, one hand pressed to his temple while the other clutched at his chest. It hurt. It hurt so much and everything was jumbled together, but it felt right.
It hurt, but it felt good. The flood of memories left him unable to do more than kneel on the floor, gasping and finally remembering. He welcomed it.
Xion.
Sunsets. Covering for her with Saïx. Ice cream. Watching her collapse without warning. Laughter. Reading Vexen's research and learning the truth. Innocent questions. Knocking her out to bring her back. The clocktower. Barely stopping the disguised teenagers from being tricked into destroying each other. Best friends. Attacking her in front of the mansion in order to drag her back again. Seashells.
Xion.
A pleasant warmth in her and Roxas's presence. Comfortable companionship and compassion. Worry, guilt, and regret. Sorrow and loss.
Xion.
He'd forgotten her. He'd forgotten one of his best friends. How could he do that?
He lost Roxas and Xion so close together. He thought all the pain, anger, and grief came from losing Roxas. But all those emotions in his newly-developing heart back then were for both of his missing friends.
Even without being able to remember her, Lea felt her absence.
"I've missed you," he said, his breathing finally calming back down. Climbing shakily to his feet, Lea whispered, "I've missed you both so much."
His recovered memories settled back into place, the empty spaces filled by the young girl once more. And the pain in his heart that had been his companion for so long had eased a little.
"Roxas… Xion… I promised… to bring you back."
The stained-glass image, intact and whole, reminded him of watching sunsets together. He missed those days. And he missed his favorite half-pints.
He was going to keep that promise. He would get them back. And Isa. One way or another, he was getting his friends back.
"When even memories are gone, can the heart notice the absence left behind?"
Lea stiffened. That wasn't the voice from before, even if it was trying to mimic the style of phrasing. But it was familiar. Intimately familiar.
"Can the heart grieve for a loss that it cannot recall? Or does the heart ever truly forget? Judging by your reaction, the answer seems pretty obvious."
Lea turned and saw… himself. Or not quite. The height, the black coat, the red hair, and a dozen other details were all identical. But there was something off. He wasn't staring into a mirrored image of himself, the figure casually walking along the perimeter of the platform.
Then he saw the markings under the doppelganger's eyes.
"Figured it out yet, Lea?" asked the smirking figure.
He nodded and said, "Axel."
"Bingo. Got it in one." He turned to face Lea directly. "Not quite like the Roxas and Sora scenario or the situation with Naminé and Kairi. More of an echo than a different person. But you can't really escape the past."
"Then what are you?"
"You," said Axel simply. "Or I guess another way to put it is… I'm what you actually fear the most. Yourself."
He resumed his casual pacing around the perimeter. Lea kept turning, keeping his eye on his doppelganger. He didn't trust him.
"I'm the guy who would get to do all the icky jobs. And you did plenty of them over the years, helping Saïx make his way to the top. How many innocent people lost their hearts just in case they might end up a powerful Nobody or Heartless? And more hearts lost meant more for the kids to collect for Kingdom Hearts. So many lives ruined or lost, just because someone told you to do it. But what did it matter to a guy with no heart of his own? And what did it matter when it came time to slaughter everyone in Castle Oblivion? People that you spent over a decade working alongside? Sora and Riku may have handled the majority, but you would have finished the others off too if necessary. You did with Vexen. And you used the replica of Riku to do the same to Zexion. But what does it matter? They were Nobodies. They weren't supposed to even exist in the first place. And even if they were people, it wouldn't have made a difference. You didn't care. Not really. You were exactly what a Nobody is meant to be: an uncaring, emotionless, and deadly monster." He shook his head, but Axel continued his lazy pace around the platform. "Number VIII. The flurry of dancing flames. The Organization XIII's favorite assassin. A remorseless killer."
"Last time I checked, I haven't been with the Organization for a while," said Lea, trying to keep his voice bored and uninterested. "That's not who I am anymore."
"Do you think that you've changed then? Because even when you try to do something good, you somehow manage to make a mess of it. You try to help Saïx for years so that you two can find that girl. But after a decade of no progress, that missing girl seeming more like a fleeting dream than an actual person, and him growing more distant with each passing day, it's a lot harder to put in the effort. Especially when there are these two kids you're hanging out with that are there and aren't some distant and impossible goal. And then Xemnas got a complete hold on Saïx, making him his loyal slave. Because he was alone. You were all that he had left after all those years and then he lost even that much. What did you think would happen? And even when you're trying to protect and keep Roxas and Xion, you did it in the most selfish way possible. It didn't matter what they wanted. Only what you wanted. What you thought was right. And in the end, you hurt them both. Your lies, your secrets, and your mistakes. You hurt them and lost them, despite all your selfish and cowardly attempts to keep control of the situation. Those kids deserved a better friend than that."
He shook his head at Lea. His expression looked so disappointed.
"Sheesh, do you even know what happened to Xion? You barely managed to beat her in that fight and dragged her back to the castle before collapsing. Which left her completely helpless and surrounded by a bunch of Nobodies who couldn't care less about her or Roxas. You practically gift-wrapped her for Xemnas. What do you think he did to her? It couldn't have been anything good since you forgot all about her after that."
"Shut up," he snapped. "What do you want?"
Axel stopped, turning to face Lea again. The Nobody gave him a smirk that didn't seem to reach his eyes.
"Do you actually deserve a Keyblade? After everything that you've done, after everyone that you've failed, do you truly believe that you're worthy to wield one? Because from the second that you decided that you needed one to find Isa, you have never believed that you deserve one. Not in your heart," said Axel. "Honestly, I'm surprised that it hasn't disappeared completely. And if you aren't worthy of a Keyblade, how are you planning to keep all those promises that you keep failing at? Or did you give up on that finally?"
Taking a step towards him, Lea said, "I'm getting them back. All of them. Roxas. Xion. Isa. Give me a little time and I'll figure out how to find that missing girl too. Now either help me or get out of my way."
"There's a little fight. I was wondering where it was. If you're not willing to fight back, you might lose more than your Keyblade around here. If your heart gives up, the rest of you won't last long either. You might end up back where you were before. The place where the sky touches the sea? You slip back there and you're not leaving a second time," said Axel. He summoned his chakrams, Eternal Flames, and twirled them in his hands a few times before casually resting one on his shoulder. "Better get moving, Lea. You've lost enough already. Wasting your time here isn't going to help anyone. Make sure that you fight hard enough not to lose anything else."
Axel turned and walked away, fading like an illusion. And where he stood a moment before, a new path materialized. Once more, it led upwards and forward into the shadows.
A little more surprising was when figures began forming along the path. Black creatures of darkness with glowing yellow eyes. White shapes that twisted and floated like empty husks in the breeze.
Shadows and Dusks.
Heartless and Nobodies.
His hand shot out, but no Keyblade appeared. Nor did his chakrams. He didn't have anything to keep them at bay. He was unarmed and vulnerable.
For a moment, Lea felt his breathing hitch and a chill wrapped around him. Fear hit him hard, instinctive and visceral. His hand rose protectively to his chest as the closest Shadows started edging down the path towards him. Searching for him. Searching for his heart.
Not again. He couldn't lose it again. He wouldn't go back to that empty numbness. He wouldn't let them take it.
Then, pushing down that fear, his hand tightened into a fist. No one would take his heart a second time. He wasn't helpless. And maybe his weapons weren't responding, but he didn't need them. He didn't know where he was and he didn't remember much about recent events. Even the odd and beautiful place where the water merged perfectly with the sky seemed more like a fading dream now. But he knew that his friends weren't here and those Heartless and Nobodies were blocking his path.
And nothing in the world would ever stand between Lea and his friends.
"I made a promise," he said. "And you won't stop me."
Taking a deep breath and focusing as much of his strength as he could risk gathering, Lea snapped his fingers. And they burned.
Though much of the castle had changed since the days of Hollow Bastion, the library at least seemed familiar. And not just from that brief visit about two years ago. Part of Kairi felt like she was in the room a long time ago. Back in those hazy days of childhood. Perhaps she and her grandmother visited the castle once or twice, though she didn't know why they would. She would like some fond memories to counterbalance the more negative fragments.
The library itself was a cozy space. Windows ran along one wall, letting sunlight stream in. Tall shelves of books nearly formed a maze. A reading chair had been tucked under a short staircase and brought a smile to Kairi's face that she couldn't quite explain. But the small couch and armchair in the room weren't present when the place had been Hollow Bastion. She would have remembered them. She approved of the change though. The whole room felt safe and comfortable.
They needed comfort.
Unease hung over all of them to an extent. On the way up to the library, Kairi did her best to give a brief summary of what happened. But even explaining about the Heartless and Nobodies showing up, about Larxene and Marluxia arriving, and what happened after was a struggle because her throat kept tightening up with guilt and worry. But Sora and especially Riku had no idea how things had gotten so bad. They needed to know what happened and they were quick to hug her in the hallways.
But she couldn't even start unraveling the mysteries of the sandy-blond boy, Roxas, and the black-haired girl. All that she knew was that Roxas kept his distance from Riku while keeping between him and the girl and that both of them looked absolutely miserable from guilt. When Dilan left them in the library, it was almost a relief to have the brief distraction of trying to settle somewhere comfortable to wait.
Sora and Goofy and nestled Donald on the couch between them, wrapping him in a thick blanket that they'd found. Only his beak and his hat poked out of the cozy cocoon as he snored softly. He hadn't stirred since he cast that spell, but his friends were keeping an eye on him. Kairi already knew how much effort it took her to cast Cura. She couldn't even imagine attempting Curaza.
Riku was leaning against a bookshelf. He'd taken over the task of talking after a while, quietly explaining what happened while he, Aqua, and King Mickey were gone. The transformation of Castle Oblivion into the restored Land of Departure, seeing Ventus for the first time, the sneak attack and fight, and Vanitas's parting remarks. He even described splitting off from the others and taking a dark corridor to Radiant Garden. He told the story carefully, filling the silence and letting his audience focus on that instead of the heavy fear looming over their heads. He kept them distracted from their current worries.
She ended up standing near another shelf, taking up position almost directly between Riku and the crowded couch. She didn't lean against it. She merely stood there, her arms tucked behind her back. Kairi couldn't help feeling like she needed to stay close to both of her best friends. And if either of them needed her or if she needed them, they were only a couple steps away. Part of her did want to grab Riku and drag him closer to Sora though.
And squeezed together in the arm chair, unable to hide their unease and concern, were the two people in black coats. She knew that the boy was Roxas; there was no one else that he could be and her heart seemed to recognize him from that brief moment that they connected across different worlds when she was struggling to remember Sora. But someone else had claimed the second replica. The black-haired girl. Kairi felt a warm and comforting feeling that she suspected meant that Naminé was fine with how it turned out though. But that still didn't answer the question of who the guilt-stricken girl with Roxas might be.
Kairi didn't miss the similarities between herself and the girl. Other than her hair being black, she looked exactly like a younger version of Kairi. They could be sisters.
At least the mystery girl had convinced Roxas to sit down. He'd originally been pacing around the library, frustration and worry consuming him. And everything about his body language screamed how much he wanted to lash out. Kairi half expected him to start attacking the shelves with his Keyblades by the time his friend took his hand and pulled him over to the arm chair. Her close presence seemed to help him a little, calming him and at least keeping his internal conflict from becoming an external one.
Riku's story came to a close as he reached the point where he arrived at the castle, leaving him to trail off awkwardly. There was no polite way to describe what he found. The aftermath of a battle, with Lea on the ground and…
Kairi shivered at the memory.
Please be all right, Lea. I don't want to lose a friend.
"I suppose that's everything," said Riku, shifting his position against the shelf. "I guess you guys succeeded in getting Roxas. And…"
He looked at the black-haired girl, grimacing briefly as he rubbed his head. He'd been doing that a lot, Kairi realized. Whenever he looked towards her since he arrived, he'd been acting like he had a headache starting.
Or maybe like he was trying to remember something that he'd forgotten.
Shaking his head, Riku said, "Sorry. I feel like I know you, but I just can't… I feel like the memory is fighting me. I can't…"
"You can't quite remember," she said, with a sad and sympathetic smile. "I know. I knew it would happen. Everyone forgot about me. It isn't your fault, Riku. And you and Naminé were really nice to me when you knew me." She shifted slightly, staring down at the ground. "My name's Xion. And I was… I was just a…"
"Xion," said Roxas firmly. "You were always Xion. One of my best friends."
Rubbing his temple and wincing, Riku said, "I… I think I'm starting to remember you a little. You were… with Organization XIII. I think we fought once. And you… didn't always look like you?"
"If you were with the Organization, does that mean you were a Nobody?" asked Sora. "I mean, you look a little like Kairi, but Naminé is kind of her Nobody."
"She was a replica," Riku said suddenly, his eyes widening. "I remember. They wanted to have another Keybearer, so they had a replica imprint on Roxas and start absorbing his abilities. And through him, she absorbed some of Sora's memories. She looks like Kairi when she was fourteen because she formed from Sora's memories of Kairi during that time."
Xion nodded and said quietly, "My very existence was built on a foundation of someone else's memories of another person. Nothing about myself was truly mine. I had even less reason to exist than the other Nobodies. And when I… stopped existing… not even memories of me remained behind. Everyone forgot about me. Riku. Roxas. Axel…"
Now both of the teenagers in black coats looked even more miserable than before. Kairi desperately wanted to hug them and Sora's expression suggested that he wanted to do the same.
"He'll be all right," said Goofy gently. "He's strong. And he has Donald's magic and Ansem the Wise helping him."
Roxas and Xion managed weak smiles at his words, but it didn't quite reach their eyes. The fear and uncertainty buried any hope that Goofy's assurances tried to spark. They might want to hope. They might want to believe that everything would be all right. But they couldn't. Kairi could almost feel the reluctant resignation coming from the pair.
They were assuming the worst. They couldn't help it. Until someone gave them definitive proof that Lea would survive, the fear and dread wouldn't loosen its grip on them. They didn't dare believe in anything better. They were simply waiting for even the slim possibility of their friend's chance of survival to be snatched away.
They were so scared of losing him and so certain that they would.
She hoped that someone would arrive soon and prove them wrong, giving them news that Lea would be all right. Dilan went back to the front entrance to wait for Aqua and King Mickey while the rest of them were down in the lab. The place gave Kairi chills, but part of her still wished that she was back down there. At least then she would know what was happening. Ansem the Wise, Ienzo, and Aeleus were all trying their best to…
She shivered. Every time she closed her eyes, Kairi saw Lea with those knives buried in his chest. Saw him collapse, struggling to breathe. And then he stopped. Everything happened so fast. Too fast for her to truly comprehend it.
She froze and she hated it. She should have tried a Cura, even if it wouldn't have been enough. She shouldn't have left him alone to fight, even though she promised. She should have done something. She thought that she was done being useless as her friends got hurt.
Kairi knew that she wasn't being fair to herself. Sora, Donald, Goofy, Roxas, and Xion were all there with her and none of them were able to prevent what happened. She shouldn't blame herself.
And she wasn't the only one with misplace guilt. Kairi could feel it radiating from everyone in the room. She knew her friends too well. They were all wondering "what if I was faster?" or "what if I tried something else?" But the ones who were blaming themselves the worst were Roxas and Xion. Kairi didn't have to know them as well as she did the others to figure out that much. After all, Lea was hurting trying to protect them.
But she also knew that, given a second chance, Lea would have the exact same thing.
… He was going to be all right. Lea would be fine. Roxas and Xion might be too scared to hope, but Kairi believed with all her heart.
"I am so sorry," said King Mickey as he hurried into the room, startling everyone. "We tried to get here as quickly as we could."
Goofy looked like he wanted to jump up and greet the king, but Sora managed to grab his arm and force him to stay seated. Otherwise they would have probably knocked Donald to the floor in the attempt. Kairi wasn't certain if that would have been enough to wake him though.
Riku's reaction was subtler, but his posture relaxed and a relieved smile formed on his face. He wasn't about to run over and scoop King Mickey in a hug, but he was happy to have his friend there.
A moment later, Dilan arrived with Aqua and helping her carry a sleeping teenage boy. And Aqua stiffened when she spotted Roxas. She and King Mickey briefly glanced between the two, eyes widening. No one could miss the similarities. Not even when Roxas scowled uncomfortably at Ventus's face and Xion openly stared in confusion.
Unfortunately, the identical faces of the two boys was a mystery that would have to wait for another day.
Since she was the only one who didn't seem to have a complex history with anyone in the room, Kairi stepped forward and said, "All right. This is King Mickey, Master Aqua, Dilan, and I assume the sleeping boy is Ventus." She gestured at each person as she introduced them. "And this is Roxas and Xion. Everyone already knows Riku, Sora, Donald, and Goofy."
"Dilan told us what happened," said Aqua gently. "I'm sorry that we weren't here to help."
Wiggling off the couch so that they could drop Ventus off and let him nap next to Donald, Sora said, "It isn't your fault. You needed to help your friend. And no one could have guessed this would have happened."
"Xion?" Mickey tilted his head in confusion. "I'm sorry, but I don't know…"
"She's a friend of Roxas," said Kairi. "We had a bit of a change of plans and she ended up with the second replica." She smiled softly, her hand touching her chest and the comforting warmth there. "But I think Naminé is actually all right with this."
"We'll figure out some other way to bring her back soon," said Sora. "And after helping Roxas and Xion, I think I know how to wake up Ventus."
Roxas, apparently hitting the limits of his patience, abruptly stood up and resumed his earlier pacing. Agitation and nervous energy seemed to buzz through him. His hands kept opening and closing at his sides, like he wanted to summon his Keyblades. Like he wanted something that he could physically fight.
"Roxas," said Xion. "That isn't going to help."
Crossing his arms briefly, he said, "We shouldn't have left. We should have stayed down there. We left Axel with that man. We can't trust him."
"Master Ansem and the others are trying to help Lea," said Dilan. "Despite what you might think, he is not going to harm Lea if you're not there to supervise."
"I don't trust him."
"I know that you're lashing out because you're worried," said Kairi quietly. "We're all worried about Axel. But he'll be all right, Roxas. You'll see."
Smiling sadly, Xion said, "You know what he'd say. He's tough."
That remark brought a small and wistful smile to his face and some of the tension eased out of Roxas's shoulders. As if the words brought back a familiar memory. Maybe not completely reassuring or comforting in the face of current circumstances, but familiar enough to distract his thoughts for at least a moment.
New footsteps came echoing down the hall. Two sets, though the louder and heavier footsteps nearly drowned out the other. Kairi watched everyone (with the obvious exceptions of the sleeping Ventus and Donald) turn their heads, the entire room focusing on the doorway. Xion stood up and claimed a spot next to Roxas. With the arrival of Aqua and King Mickey, there was only a handful of people that it could be.
Both looking more worn out than when she last saw the pair, Ansem the Wise and Aeleus stepped into the library. Master Ansem didn't stray far from the doorway. Kairi suspected that he was trying to give Roxas some space. His unease and distrust for the man was hard to miss and Ansem the Wise couldn't hide his feelings of guilt whenever he glanced in the boy's direction. Aeleus, on the other hand, approached Roxas and placed a hand briefly on his shoulder. Even with the man trying to be comforting, however, the impact momentarily unbalanced Roxas.
"How is he?" asked Kairi.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Ansem said, "He's alive. He's breathing a little easier and his heartbeat has stabilized from what it was before. His injuries aren't completely healed, but his condition has improved. We have done what we could to help him and the magic is doing its work." He briefly met Roxas's eyes before looking back towards the rest of the room. "The rest is up to him."
"Can we see him?" asked Xion. "Please?"
"We moved Lea to one of the unused spare bedrooms," said Aeleus. "I can take you."
"There are other rooms. For the rest of you to spend the night." Ansem the Wise smiled gently. "It is the least that we can offer."
Nodding, Sora said, "That would be great. Donald probably won't wake up for a while and could use the rest."
Almost as if responding to his words, the duck grumbled in his sleep and shifted in his blanket cocoon before resuming his snoring. Donald's change of position also managed to cause Ventus to lean against him, but the boy didn't really show any signs of awareness. The pair were just napping without a care in the world. Goofy could only chuckle at the two of them.
"Kairi," continued Sora, "how about you go with Roxas and Xion to see Axel? If he's resting, we don't want to crowd him. The rest of us can try to wake up Ventus."
She nodded instantly to the idea. For multiple reasons. Not only did she really want to see Lea and make sure that he was doing better, but she also didn't want Roxas and Xion to face this alone.
"Only if Riku promises to keep an eye on everything while we're gone," she said. "I can't leave you boys alone for long."
Kairi meant it as a gentle tease, something to lighten the mood a bit. But Riku always took things too seriously. He nodded solemnly at her words. Some of it was his natural personality, but some of it seemed like guilt.
She understood the feeling. The feeling of failing and someone else paying the price. But Kairi knew it wasn't her fault for going when Lea told her. Just like it wasn't Riku's fault for not being faster.
Aeleus gestured for them and turned back towards the corridor. Roxas and Xion didn't even hesitate before hurrying after the man, Kairi right behind them.
Unlike the hallways in the lower parts of the castle, these seemed brighter and airy. Occasional windows let in natural light and even the walls were constructed of a paler stone. Nothing about it felt like Hollow Bastion.
But it still felt familiar. More hazy memories of her childhood? Why would she visit the castle when she was small? The more she thought about it, the more that she believed it had to do with her grandmother. Perhaps she should question Ansem the Wise about whether or not he once knew her grandmother. But regardless, it was a mystery for another day.
Aeleus led them up a staircase, though Kairi vaguely remembered the place having numerous elevators and transportation platforms during the days of Hollow Bastion. Maybe they were gone after the renovations or maybe the stairs were closer. Either way, it didn't take long to reach their destination.
It was another hallway, much like the ones that they'd passed before. On each side were a few doors. But while all the other doors were closed, the one that Aeleus paused at was open a crack.
"Thank you," said Kairi softly.
Aeleus nodded in acknowledgment before meeting their eyes, focusing on each of them briefly. Then he turned and headed back in the direction of the library.
Roxas, hesitating for a moment with an uneasy expression, cautiously pushed the door open. It was a reasonably-sized guestroom, but not particularly fancy considering that it was part of a castle. There was a bed next to a window, a mildly-worn armchair and a small table in the corner, and a bookshelf along one wall. The dust clinging stubbornly to a few corners and crevices suggested that someone had tried to clean it after abandoning the space for years and missed a couple spots in the process. Which seemed accurate. At least someone had straightened up before they needed to make use of the space.
As they slipped inside, Ienzo looked up from the notebook in his hands. He'd claimed the armchair and table as a workspace, but he didn't seem to mind the interruption. He even gave them a small and weary smile.
"I had a feeling that someone would be checking on him shortly," he said.
While the pair spared him a brief glance, Kairi knew where the majority of their attention would be. They crossed the room almost instantly. Roxas and Xion crowded around the bedside, their eyes not leaving the occupant. She couldn't help staring as well.
There was one small comforting sign; Kairi tried to focus on it. Lea's breathing, while still labored and sounding exhausted, no longer came out as choked gasps. It didn't remind her of someone barely rescued from the sea, struggling for air past the salt water in their lungs. He didn't sound like he was dying…
But, lying in bed with a quilt pulled over most of him, Lea didn't look healthy either. His face was too pale, he was too quiet, and his body was too still. His coat was gone, removed and draped across one corner of the table while his boots were tossed under the bed. And even with the blanket tucked around him, Kairi could see more injuries than she expected. Thick gauze wrapped around mid-chest, hiding the stab wounds that she knew were there and carrying the faint not-quite-minty scent that even the most expensive potions seemed to possess. Thinner cuts, already half-healed and no longer bleeding, decorated his body and especially ran up and down his left arm.
He still couldn't stop trying to block attacks with a chakram that wasn't there. That realization made Kairi want to both laugh and cry. Lea would do it during sparring occasionally, raising his left arm to block her attacks. But without his old weapon, she would end up hitting the limb. "Old habits die hard," Lea would remark while rubbing at the stinging arm. He ended up with several bruises until she started watching out for that particular mistake and pulling back some of the force when he did it.
In addition to the cuts and general lacerations, bruises seemed to cover most of his exposed body. Most of what wasn't hidden by the gauze or the quilt was discolored and swollen. The darkest and most painful-looking ones peeked out from under the bandages, his ribs and chest angry shades of dark purple and blue. His torso was essentially one giant bruise. But his arms had round marks the size of her fist, like someone pelted him with rocks. She remembered seeing similar bruises on Riku and Sora after their fight with Xemnas, the pair remarking that they were just a little slow at deflecting and not elaborating further. The edges of the smaller bruises on Lea showed hints of a pale green shade from Donald's magic speeding up the healing process, but they still looked painful.
She was ignoring the old and faded scars for now. He'd spent too many years fighting not to have some. And at least the ones that she could see were faint and relatively small.
Even before Larxene's knives hit him in the chest, the fight had been brutal on him. Most of his body was hidden beneath the blanket and bandages, but it was still bad enough. On the other hand, Kairi remembered seeing some vicious-looking burns on the Nobodies as they retreated. He went down swinging.
Taking Lea's hand carefully in hers, Xion stiffened and said, "He feels cold. Axel never feels cold."
"Blood loss," said Ienzo gently. "That's part of the reason that we brought him back up here after his condition improved. The lab is chillier. And an actual bed with blankets would be warmer and more comfortable. Losing that much blood isn't ideal, but as long as he is kept warm and is given some time, the healing magic should take care of it in due course."
"How is he really?" Kairi kept her voice soft, hoping that Roxas and Xion would be too distracted to listen. "How bad is it?"
Keeping his words equally quiet even as his voice revealed some of his concern, he said, "Considering that he's no longer bleeding into his lung and the healing spell helped mend where one of the knives managed nick his physical heart before he…" He breathed out slowly, trying to sound steadier and push down his stress. "His situation has improved. Drastically. He's not out of the woods yet. But if nothing major happens over the next few hours, his condition should continue to improve. I am not a medical doctor and what I know came from spending time around Vexen growing up, our systems were not designed for in-depth examinations of the physical body since that was never our focus, and the last time that we checked, reestablishing a proper medical facility in Radiant Garden is still an ongoing project. So we have not been able to provide expert and experienced diagnostics and treatment, but we've done what we can to help Lea. And I'm… cautiously optimistic about his chances of recovery. For all his faults, he is not one to give in easily."
Despite the more concerning part of his quiet explanation, the last words were enough for Kairi to release some of her tension.
"Thank you. For helping him and for telling me."
Ienzo gave a small nod. Then, turning his attention back to the others, he raised his voice slightly,
"If you're going to be here for a few minutes, I think I'll step out for a moment and take care of something. I trust you can keep an eye on him for a little while."
Kairi could see what he was doing. He wasn't as good at lying as he might think. He was making excuses to offer them some privacy. Ienzo was letting them have some time with Lea alone. It was a kind gesture.
As Ienzo stepped out into the hall, Kairi turned her attention back to her unconscious friend and the others. Roxas stared at Lea silently, his eyes a little too dull and heartbroken. And Xion gently rubbed Lea's hand between hers, trying to warm him up.
"He's going to be all right," said Kairi. "You'll see. He just needs some rest and time."
"I don't like feeling helpless." Roxas shook his head. "I wish that we could do something."
"At least we have experience waiting for someone to wake up," said Xion.
Kairi could empathize with Roxas's quiet distress. She didn't like feeling helpless or waiting around either. She'd spent too long doing nothing while those she cared about placed themselves in danger again and again. They all needed a distraction. Something to do to feel useful. She…
Her eyes drifted towards the black coat draped across the table. Considering how many half-healed cuts there were on Lea, including some rather deep ones that she didn't want to think about because they would make her remember that awful moment where he'd gone completely silent and lifeless until Donald's spell, Kairi knew that the black coat had to be looking a bit ragged by now. She might not be able to do much to help him, but she knew that he seemed reluctant to switch to his new clothes and she'd picked up a few creative and practical skills over the years. Including sewing. Maybe she could at least repair some of the damage.
But when she picked up the black coat in order to examine how bad the tears might be, two small objects tumbled out. He must have tucked them into his pocket. Kairi frowned in confusion before reaching for them. Out of all the possible items for Lea to be carrying around, they just seemed particularly odd and random.
A worn ice cream stick with the word "winner" printed on it. And a Thalassa shell.
"He…," said Roxas slowly, taking the ice cream stick from her, "kept it?"
Taking the seashell, Xion said, "But he couldn't even remember me… Why?"
If the two of them needed to blink rapidly to prevent tears, Kairi pretended not to notice and didn't say a word.
There you go. One long chapter for your enjoyment. I hope that you had fun reading it. And remember that writers enjoy hearing their readers' thoughts.