Murky, smelly water rushed through the sewers, with the sounds echoing off the ancient brick walls spotted with patches of odd mold between the crevices. You were fairly certain the stench was penetrating your skin and seeping into your bloodstream. The tunnel was saturated with it, to the point that you felt as though the air should be putting up more resistance as you moved through it. The sounds of traffic from the street above faded as you delved further. Water at the bottom of the tunnel sloshed noisily against your boots, and you grimaced as the dampness seeped into your socks. With a soft click, your flashlight flickered to life, so you started to wave it in every direction.
When you first entered the marshy wasteland located in the Barrens, it had been truly overwhelming, sending you into a coughing fit, but as time had passed you accepted the permanent damage this place was doing to your nostrils and pushed your disgust aside, well as much as you could.
You and Tyler took yet another right only to be met with a dead end. You swore, turning around and re-entering the main pipeline. The maze of tunnels had grown more and more complicated as you proceeded. You weren't sure if there was a correct path anymore, let alone which one it was. Your shoes scraped against the ground as you walked down the tunnel, kicking up gravel and water as you went. You refused to be daunted and continued down the path even as the shadows around you distorted, making the tunnel seem wider. Almost endless. There was so much to survey; the long stretches of unchanging wall, as well as the relentless blackness ahead, was unnerving.
"She was here. She must have been," you said, your nose wrinkling in disgust.
"We'll keep looking, it's going to be okay," Tyler said, his nose scrunching up.
It was dizzying, retracing your steps over and over again, only to make no progress. Frustration grew as you went on with your search, and after a while there was still no sign of Lily. You suppressed the urge to sigh, not wanting to breathe more of the air than was strictly necessary, and continued to wander.
It wasn't long before you realized that some of your lightheadedness probably sprung from the fact that you resisted taking full breaths for nearly fifteen minutes now. You felt suffocated, and leaned against the wall to rest for a moment. The barely-lighted tunnel before you was split into four directions, each one equally indistinct. You peered down each one hopelessly with Tyler, your breathing still shallow.
You bit your lip nervously as you rounded a corner, and once again found nothing. No sign. The batteries in your flashlight were running low, and the light faltered as you explored the tunnel. The dusty air kept catching in your throat, making your lungs itch. Your eyes watered and stung from coughing.
Absolutely nothing of note had happened since you dropped into the sewer. The only thing you discovered so far was a large quantity of cobwebs. You continued to worry the flesh between your teeth, and moved forward. There were rats often darting out from practically under your feet, barely avoiding being stepped on.
Dust wasn't the only thing present in the air. It was almost humid, presumably because of the many puddles of stagnant water coating the ground, and the mugginess clung to you like a second skin. You wiped a hand over your brow to catch a droplet of sweat rolling down your face. You already shed your jacket, tied the loose sleeves securely around your middle, but your entire body still felt weighed down. Sluggish and slow.
"It smells like shit in here," Tyler said, in his attempt to lighten the mood you assumed.
"Yeah, I'm well aware," you replied.
The narrow, leaking pipes that ran near the ceiling dripped steadily onto the path. You heard the falling droplets as beads against your head. There were multiple leaks, with rhythms that jarred each other and kept you off balance, prevented you from establishing equilibrium. The brick walls surrounding you amplified every sound, so that even your breath seemed deafening. The fabric of your jacket dragged far too audibly against your skin when you moved to redirect the flashlight.
The tunnels were a veritable maze, twisting and turning, with passages leading off to one side or the other, the way ahead splitting in two, and your body tensed further with each passing moment.
You heard Tyler sigh, there was something on the tip of his tongue that you knew he wanted to say but wasn't allowing himself to because he knew you didn't want to hear it.
"Why don't you just say it? I know you're dying to!" you said, your voice bouncing off the walls.
"What? Say what?" Tyler asked.
"That there's nothing here! No sign of Lily. That we are just wasting our time!" you said, throwing up your hands. There was a scowl on your face, partially because you were annoyed with Tyler but mostly because of the delightful smell wafting up from the horrible sludge around your ankles.
"I didn't say that. You said that," Tyler corrected.
"Yeah, but I know what you were thinking," you accused.
"I wasn't thinking that," Tyler denied.
"Those were her sneakers, I know it was," you let out a frustrated sigh.
Tyler just looked at me with a sympathetic frown.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" you cried out, kicking your feet in the filthy, unsanitary water. "Motherfucker!"
"We can look somewhere else tomorrow, but I don't think she's here," Tyler said.
"I don't know what I was expecting. This is a wasteland for crying out loud. She wouldn't be wandering here. I just got my hopes up when I saw her sneakers prints," you said, sinking your teeth in your lower lip.
"We won't stop until we find her," Tyler assured.
"But what if – what if she's-" you cut yourself off because you couldn't say that dreaded word. No, you refused to believe that could happen to someone as innocent and pure and good as Lily. "What if we don't find her?"
"We're going to. I know it. You can't think like that. We have to keep hope alive," Tyler said, a sad smile on his face. "Lily is like a little sister to me, too."
"Okay," you nodded your head. "Thank you."
"No problem," Tyler said.
You wrapped your arms around Tyler and pulled him in a hug. "I can't do this without you."
"I know," Tyler whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Do you promise?" you asked.
"Promise," Tyler whispered. "Will you promise that you won't go wandering at night all by yourself? That you'll call me first?
"You know I can't make that promise," you whispered. "Not while she's still out there."
"It's dangerous, I don't want you to get hurt," Tyler said with a frown.
"It's a little late for that," you replied.
"Hey, you know I'd drop anything for you, right?" Tyler asked suddenly.
"Yeah, I know," you murmured softly.
"You've always got me," Tyler said.
You pulled away and met his gaze. The amiable tone of his voice was reflected in his brown eyes. Tyler cupped your cheek in his hand, caressing it with his gentle fingers. He was giving you that look again, it was something between adoration and desire. You breathed in deeply, taking in Tyler's familiar, comforting scent. You missed him.
Tyler leaned down to press a tender, warm kiss against your lips. You wrapped your arms loosely around his broad midsection, pressing close to his sturdy form. Letting your eyes fall closed, everything around you faded away, leaving behind only Tyler – his touch, his scent.
But then you got a flash of what happened in your bedroom, how it wasn't real, even though you thought it was. The last thing you wanted to do was pry your lips from his. Not when your kiss felt so natural, so easy. Like you just fit together perfectly, melting into one another. His hand shifted to the back of your head, pulling you closer like you two couldn't be close enough.
You broke away from the kiss, the horrible incident that occurred just hours prior still fresh in your mind, and you were sure it would be for a very, very long time.
"Tyler," you whispered his name, shaking your head with a frown.
"What? Did I do something wrong?" Tyler asked. He looked like a kicked puppy and you couldn't help but feel bad.
"No, you didn't. You didn't do anything wrong," you answered.
"Then what is it?"
"I just can't right now. I'm sorry," you said sadly.
"I understand. I'm sorry. I just got a little caught up in the moment," Tyler said, trying not to make a big deal of it even though it was a big deal to him, and you knew that.
"I missed us too, but now is not a good time. I just really can't right now," you said, not wanting to explain all the gory details.
"You don't have to explain," Tyler said with a sad smile. "I have horrible timing. I mean, kissing you in a sewer. Yikes, how romantic of me. I can do better than that."
You giggled at his lame joke. "I'm sorry, today's been a really long day."
"You don't have to keep apologizing either," Tyler said. "Hey, do you want to stay at my place today? I can make you something to eat and we can come up with a plan for tomorrow."
"I appreciate that but I think I should be on my way. I don't want my mom to come back to an empty home," you said, you didn't want to decline his offer but at the same time you didn't think it was best to be around him right now.
"Okay, I'll drive you back home," Tyler replied.
You and Tyler turned a corner, and you were relieved to see a glimpse at the end of the corridor. It was illuminated by the entrance to the street above. You were done roaming the nauseating sewers and tomorrow would be another day of searching for Lily.
You stayed up to the late hours of the night, staring blankly at the TV screen in front of you. You were trying–––fighting not to fall asleep. You couldn't take another nightmare. You didn't want to face him, again. Though, despite yourself your eyes were fluttering shut on and off until finally they stayed close.
When you opened your eyes, you saw a figure standing in the distance within the darkness. Though, all you could make out was its tall silhouette. You were in the woods again. You had followed his footsteps through the mud, a cool wind blowing your hair against your face.
Then you saw him, the clown. His hair whipped in the quickening wind like licks of golden flame. The expression on his face deranged, he was wearing a wicked and wide grin, his teeth glinting in the fading dusk.
A storm was heading your way, black clouds billowing toward you from the north. A fire burned dimly within the looming darkness, bursts of red lightning dancing in your vision.
You called out to him amidst the sound of thunder, and he turned his head toward you as you approached. The same eerie smile reached his red, plump lips as he waved his gloved hand at you slowly.
The sky began to scream, the swirling blackness twisting through the atmosphere, choking the color from the sky like an infection sucking the life from its host. You could hear your name drifting from the eye of the storm, a low, resonant growl that echoed through your mind. Your legs felt as if they'd collapse as you ran toward the clown, your heart pounding in your ears as the void began to laugh.
As you were running, suddenly you tripped over a long strip of wire. You fell to the dirt beneath you, and you were quick to learn that it was littered with jagged shards. You lifted your head to the tremulous expanse above you, the sun never to touch your face again as it was swallowed forever. The sky had become as black as ink and the trees all around you started to fall to the ground. You knew you had to get away, flee before you were crushed, but then the clown was gone.
You could feel the tears welling, choking back a scream. The ground cut your hands as you struggled to your feet, an ominous chill creeping through your bones as the earth began to tremble. Amidst the lustful howl of the raging storm, the cries of a thousand crows tore through the air from the epicenter, their wings glittering like many black blades as they ripped through the air.
You felt something curl around your legs, barbed wire slicing through the fabric of your pants and twisting up your calves. You kicked at whatever had seized you, fighting to free yourself and yet you could not bear the thought of what you might see if you turned your head.
The grip around your legs only tightened, slithering further up your body as a hundred of tiny, curving blades pierced through your flesh. You cried out, coppery warmth spilling from your wounds. You could feel claws twisting in your hair. There was a crushing weight on your back, the sensation of dozens of pointed teeth against your neck. And despite the fear paralyzing you to the cold dirt, you had to see the face of your killer.
Slowly, you turned your head. The gnarled fingers in your hair relaxed their hold, sliding down your neck almost sensually before wrapping around your throat. The red glow of those eyes held you in place, every thought, every secret, he read them like an open book. You were barely aware of the tears rolling down your face, your anger overpowering your grief as you gazed into the abyss.
He smiled through many rows of teeth, and you could see him drooling from his mouth. His grip around your throat tightened.
"Rise and shine, poppet!"
The sudden snap of your neck tore you from the wastelands of the desolate woods and black skies, and you woke up with a panicked look. Your whole body trembled with horror and your eyes were filled with terror.
"It was just a dream," you told yourself repeatedly, hoping to relieve the feeling of fear and panic. It didn't help as your tears kept rolling down your face and your breath was starting to get faster.
You cradled your arms around your knees and dropped your face into them. Your trembling had gotten worse and your soft cries turned into loud sobbing.
You looked back at the clock on your bedside table. It was only 6am. Only about an hour had passed since you dozed off. The sun was starting to rise. You had to get out of this bed.
You ran out of your room moments after you awoke and rushed to the living room. Once you sat upon the couch, you started staring at the wall vacantly in front of you for God knows how long, but as you did so you realized you didn't hear your Mom leave for work, so you figured she was still home.
You decided you should go check up on her. You knocked on your Mom's door.
There was no answer.
You knocked again.
"Come in, dear!" Mom cried out.
You opened the door and found that she was laying in bed, under a blanket. You noticed that her eyelids were heavy and she looked like she just woke up, which was strange because she was supposed to be at work over an hour ago.
"What are you still doing here, Mom?" you asked.
She sat up from the bed, pulling the blanket away from her body and there was a tired, sad smile on her face.
"I have a killer headache and I just couldn't seem to get out of bed, so I figured I'd just stay here," your mom replied. She looked like all her energy had been sucked out of her.
"I'm sorry, Mom," you said. You made your way over to the end of her bed, sitting down on it. Your eyes wandered to her bedside table and you noticed that there was a tall bottle of vodka on it. Not to mention it was mostly empty. "Mom, are you drinking?"
"I just had one drink, don't worry," Mom said, waving her hand and playing it off like it wasn't a big deal. It was a big deal, though. Your mom had a drinking problem before, now you wonder if it ever went away. You could smell the vodka on her breath, she was probably drinking all night yesterday and this morning.
"You have a hangover, don't you?" you asked, deciding not to beat around the bush.
Your mom coughed, a hand over her mouth as she shook her head. "Sweetie, I'm fine. Please don't worry about me. I've got everything under control."
"Mom," you started, not wanting to drop the subject just yet.
"I said enough, drop it," she said seriously, her tone leaving no room for discussion. "Now, tell me how you're doing, dear."
"I think you know the answer to that," you said bleakly. You did not want to press her further.
"I know, I know. I'm worried sick about her. My baby must be so scared. This world is too cruel," she said with a frown on her face.
You didn't know what to say so you just listened and remained silent.
"We need to hang up more missing flyers and posters, maybe someone saw something or has heard something. We can't stop until we bring her home," Mom said, her voice full of conviction.
"Mom, I can do it," you told her, placing your hand on hers.
"I'm going to help you. I can get out of bed," she persisted, throwing the blanket off the rest of her body.
"No, just let me handle it, Mom. You should rest," you said, not backing down.
"Are you sure? I just feel useless staying in bed like this. I feel like I'm not doing enough," she said, though you knew she was in no shape to do just that.
"I'm sure. Leave it to me. I'm not giving up on her," you answered. "So you just rest."
"Okay, but please tell me you'll be careful and safe," she told you with a long face. She leaned in close and stroked your cheek with her hand.
"I will, Mom. I always am," you whispered.
"I know. I'm just reminding you. Ask Tyler if he can come with, I know you two have been getting close, again," she said, a hint of a smile forming on her face, trying to lighten the mood.
"No, I'll be fine on my own. Besides, he's at school anyway. I don't need anyone holding my hand, Mom," you replied, feeling like you couldn't stress that enough.
"He's a great guy that one, a keeper for sure," she commented.
"Mom, we're not dating anymore," you said, annoyance clear in your tone.
"You keep telling yourself that, but I'm your mother, I see things that maybe you don't," she answered in her motherly voice.
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you," you nodded your head.
You noticed that her eyes were becoming more heavy and she started rubbing her temples, she was trying to blink the tired away but it was in vain, it didn't show any signs of letting up with that hangover. She rested her head back on the pillow and laid down again. You pulled the blanket over her body, covering her up to the neck.
"I'm just going to rest my eyes for a moment, but I'll be up soon to fetch you something to eat. You must be starving and you're gonna need a meal before your big search today," she said, fighting off the yawn that threatened to pour out.
"I'll get something to eat later. You just focus on feeling better, okay? Just lay back and relax," you told her. You were adjusting the blanket on her body and by the time you glanced back at her face, her eyes had fallen shut.
You lingered by her bed, hoping that she was able to sleep peacefully today.
You head back to your room, sitting in front of the computer, and started printing out more flyers. Your plan was to tape them on every unoccupied space you could get your hands on. You wanted the whole town of Derry to know your little sister's name in hopes of even the slightest chance of someone being able to help bring her home. You were feeling optimistic for the first time in a while, it was like you knew you'd be able to find her if you didn't give up hope. You had to stay strong, not only for Lily and your mother, but for yourself, too. You couldn't let yourself fall apart, not again. You were determined to do everything in your power to make things right. You could take the mental anguish and the horror the clown made you endure any day of the week, so long as you had your whole family back together again.
Your printer made an abrupt, loud beeping noise and when you looked down at it, you realized that you ran out of paper. Heaving a sigh, you picked up all your missing flyers and placed them to the side of your desk. You knew that your mom had some printing paper in her room somewhere so you went back there, entering very quietly so you wouldn't disturb her slumber.
Your mom was resting soundly, her lips parted and she was drooling on the side of her pillow. You walked over to her desk, pulling the drawer out noiselessly. You rummaged around, but you only found old bills that had already been paid for. You moved onto the next drawer and it was filled with stationery, and you were pleased to find exactly what you came here for; a full stack of printing paper. You pulled it out of the drawer, but then something else caught your eye. Underneath the stack of printing paper were several letters, the envelopes were opened so they had all been read before. You were curious, so before you knew it you were reading what was written on the envelope and who they were from.
The letters were coming from another town in Maine, and they were from your father; your estranged father. There was a new letter from this week and the week before and the week before that, some were sent overseas, which you knew he frequently visited with his girlfriend. Your heart thumped wildly in your chest and the air around you felt thick all of a sudden. You didn't know that your mom and dad were on speaking terms. Your mom never mentioned that. They've been divorced for years and things between them got very messy, they were fighting and bickering about everything and nothing all the time. It made you absolutely miserable. At first, you would visit your father on a weekly basis but then he got really busy with work, found himself a girlfriend, and then eventually he just didn't have the time for you, anymore, so that meant you were stuck with Mom, who was certainly a handful, to say the least.
You started to act without thinking and before you knew it, you pulled a paper out of the many envelopes and began reading away.
The letter read: "You can't keep my daughters away from me, you're going to hear from my lawyer. I have tried to talk sense into you but you don't listen to reason, so you leave me no choice. I've been trying to reach them, but I know you must have my number blocked because they haven't answered any of my calls. I've sent them letters too but no answer. You have no right to not let them see me. I know we haven't been a family in a long time but I am trying to make things right. Please just give me a chance to prove it. I've made mistakes but it doesn't all fall on me. I want to be in my daughters' lives. Please don't ignore me anymore.
You pulled up the next letter and it was very similar to the one you just read, though this one sounded angrier and more demanding, your dad's patience was running thin and you learned that your mom had been ignoring the divorce lawyer as well. Then the next letter was about how your dad knew about your mom's drinking problem and that she needed serious help, he made sure to specify that she needed professional help. He also said that kind of behavior was unacceptable around her kids and that she was setting a horrible example for you and your sister.
Then as you continued reading, you heard your mom start to shift around on the bed. She was mumbling in her sleep, rolling on her other side. You felt a rock settle in the pit in your stomach and your breath caught in your throat, your heart skipping a beat.
You grabbed a handful of the letters and rushed out of the room, shutting your mom's door behind you silently. You walked back to your room, reading more of the letters as you blindly entered it. You closed the door and made your way back to your desk.
But then you felt a pair of eyes on you, watching you; lurking. You looked up and then you immediately dropped the letters to the ground. A broken gasp escaped your lips and you jumped back in your surprise. You froze up, completely still. Your eyes widened with horror, disbelief.
It's Lily. She was sitting on your bed, a eerie smile on her face.
She presses a finger to her lips, hushing you.