"You want me to do what?!"

McCoy couldn't quite believe his ears.

Jim, this cunning son of a bitch, stood his ground.

"You are her doctor, I need you to authorize it. Without your permission, Spock won't lift a finger."

"Of course he won't lift his damn green-blooded finger because I am not letting you jackasses do it. You are out of your mind, both of you. Did you forget the possible consequences of it? If these consequences influence her, she's officially insane. Nuts. Mental. Crazy. Her nervous system will collapse."

McCoy ran his fingers through his hair in distress, pacing around the room. Did Jim forget how adverse the effects of the mind-meld had been with old Spock?

Jim had always been very creative in hiding his nightmares and the resulting sleep deprivation, but those kinds of dreams and complete impossibility to sleep without screaming his head off even he couldn't have disguised. The nightmares had been vivid, intense, and they hadn't belonged to him.

When Jim had gone to Lee's ward and closed the door, McCoy thought the kid was about to use some super-secret interrogation tactics they'd taught him at the Academy. He thought there would be the clash of the titans, one willpower against another. And then Jim had come out less than five minutes later and asked McCoy to allow a mind-meld.

It was a mortal danger for his patient, and this time McCoy wouldn't silence his professional integrity for the sake of so-called necessity.

No way in hell would he let this happen.

Emotional transference was enough to veto it, but that wasn't it. There were more side effects that his brilliant in his insanity friend seemed to forget. Mind meld could change blood pressure, cause arrhythmia or neurological disorders, which in Lee's current state could turn her into a vegetable or even kill her.

She had her heart stopped just two days ago, goddamnit.

"Bones, I have to know for sure she's with us. She's a remarkable tactician, and for all I know, she could have planned all this. I need to be certain, and this is the only way to reveal the truth," Jim reasoned, clearly thinking it would help to calm McCoy down.

A long string of curses that McCoy was about to present was cut off by Spock, who finally made it to sickbay.

"Captain, Doctor," The Vulcan greeted them with his natural 'What the fuck do you annoying Humans want from me?' expression, "Did you require my presence?"

"Yes, well…" Jim looked very sheepish now, "I need a favor."

"Captain?"

"I want you to meld with Lee."
The height at what Spock's eyebrow shot would have made McCoy laugh had he not been that angry.

"Could I enquire what situation caused such a request?"

Jim set to explain everything happened today, starting with retelling Lee's story and leaving McCoy to fume silently to himself.

"I need to be absolutely sure she's not spying on us. Your Vulcan telepathy thing is the only way to see the truth," Jim finished, putting his confident and stony face on.

Spock didn't look impressed.

"May I remind you that the courtroom witness chair presents the same opportunity?"

Jim shook his head impatiently.

"I know normal people can't lie with their hand on this sensor. But the sensor reads heart rate and blood pressure, and she can control this stuff. So mind meld is the only option."

"You are also aware that I will need Miss O'Malley's voluntary consent to the meld…" the Vulcan was definitely trying to get away from this.

McCoy couldn't blame him. Lee's mind was probably not the best place to poke around.

"You have it. She agreed."

"…And Doctor McCoy's, as her attending physician's."

"And you don't have it! No way, she's not melding with you. It's too risky to do it… well, ever."

Aside from the fear for her life, McCoy really didn't want to show anyone how close he and Lee really were. They hadn't quite crossed the line yet, but on the night before the pirates' attack, they had definitely danced on it.

"Bones," Jim's voice went dangerously low.

"Don't 'Bones' me! I'm not allowing it."

A hydraulic hiss of the door interrupted Jim's no doubt idiotic retort.

"Gentlemen," Lee announced her presence with iron determination in her voice, "I see you are having an argument regarding the necessity to perform a mind-meld between a Vulcan and a Human."

"Why aren't you in bed?" McCoy growled at her, but she predictably didn't pay him any attention.

Her eyes were darting between Jim and Spock.

"You are forgetting a rather important thing," She marched to stand right in front of Spock, deliberately not meeting McCoy's intense glare, "I'm a civilian. I can make decisions with or without my doctor's approval. He can give recommendations, but I am free to follow them or to ignore them."

McCoy blinked, processing the meaning of her words. It felt like somebody had hit him hard in the chest because for a second he couldn't breathe. How could she do this to him? After everything he'd done for her, after all the times he'd saved her, how could she just shove him aside? He was a doctor, and he'd sworn to lead his patients to health, not to destruction and death. He wanted her alive and well, damnit. He did everything in his power to make her feel better again, he'd just spent twenty exceptionally exhausting hours in surgery to bring her back to life, for fuck's sake. And then she'd come and said that all his attempts to put her on her feet again were just fucking recommendations which she was fucking free to ignore.

In his view, it was betrayal, plain and simple.

He forgot everything he wanted to say and just gawked at her while she was still talking.

"I am aware of all the risks and possible outcomes. I'm giving you a voluntary consent to a mind-meld. I have to warn you though; some events of my life are pretty brutal. Nevertheless, I have no choice but to ask you this. Please, Spock. I need your help, and I need it now. Time is running out."

She produced a pleading expression on her face and stared expectantly at the Vulcan.

Spock clasped his hands behind his back.

"The consequences of a mind-meld might be severe. I am sure Doctor McCoy has good reasons to forbid it."

Oh dear. The man was still trying to get out of it with his sanity intact. Poor hobgoblin.

Lee loomed closer.

"It's either that," she said quietly, "Or a certain death. They will kill me, Commander, if you don't help me. Please."

Jim silently moved to her side, so now it was Lee and Jim against Spock and McCoy. Recklessness against caution, pure insanity against common sense.

Neither Spock nor McCoy could stand a chance. Not on this ship, not under this Captain.

Spock's shoulders slummed just a shade. He turned to McCoy.

"I am sorry, Doctor, but Miss O'Malley is right. As a civilian, she has a right to make decisions without her physician's approval."

McCoy didn't say anything. What was the point in all this? She wouldn't listen to him anyway.

He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. Strange apathy consumed him as he watched the Vulcan put his fingers on her face and they both closed their eyes. If anything happened, McCoy would save her again. And then again. But at some point, and he was realizing it perfectly clear more often than not lately, all his knowledge and experience wouldn't be enough to get her back after a stunt like she'd pulled just know. It would be 'when', not 'if'.

He heaved a sigh.

He was too old for this shit.

Everything ended faster than McCoy had expected. The meld lasted for what seemed like several seconds, and then Spock was removing his hand from her face. Neither of them moved.

"Now you know I'm telling the truth," Lee muttered.

"Indeed," was the answer.

McCoy rounded on them to look at their faces and was astonished to see shock in Spock's eyes. Lee looked perfectly normal, and felt normal too if the tricorder readings weren't deceiving him.

She came out of it unscratched. Dear God above, she came out of it unscratched. Damn insufferable woman.

Spock looked strange though, and McCoy waved the tricorder over the Vulcan's body too. Spock's pulse was a little bit off the charts, and the Doctor could only sympathize. If she'd shown him the crimes that were on her record… No, he didn't want to think about it, especially about the last page of the list.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly to the Vulcan.

Spock didn't reply. Instead, he turned to Jim.

"I confirm that Miss O'Malley wants to join the crew. She thinks it is a good opportunity to start again. She still does not like Starfleet, but she thinks that if we, in her opinion quite decent people, serve here, it is possible for her to do the same. And," he hesitated, obviously trying to find the right words, "Her feelings for you, Doctor, are genuine. She respects you and wishes you only the best. You are the main reason she wants to enlist. Still, I think we can trust Miss O'Malley neither to turn on us nor to come back to her previous activity, even if she and the Doctor should cease to continue their current relationships. She does not regret the things she did, but she does not want to be the person she once was. She left behind her previous life and is in search of a new start. This intention is also genuine and quite strong."

"So you want to start from scratch?" Jim asked her and she nodded.

"If you allow me to."

Jim gave her a small smile.

"I knew you didn't lie. Well… I hoped you didn't. So I'm in if you are."

Her lips twitched.

"I'm in, Captain."

It seemed like fate waited for them to finish this because the next moment after the final agreement Jim's comm chimed.

McCoy knew what was it about even before the kid answered it.

"Kirk here."

"Captain," Scotty's voice filled the room, "We are receiving an incoming beaming signal."

Jim's grip on the comm. tightened.

"Will be with you in a moment."

He killed the connection and met Lee's eyes.

"Ready to face the music?"

"Face it? I'm going to sing along to it."

They grinned at each other maniacally.

McCoy shivered. It was usually that grin that preceded and frequently caused a good-quality disaster. McCoy had known that sign of upcoming destruction inside out by now.

"I'm off to meet them then, Spock's going with me," Jim started giving orders, turning his Captain mode on, "Bones, take Lee to her ward and sedate her," one glance at Lee, "Sorry, I have an order to do it."

She shrugged.

"Fine. Just don't let them kill me in my sleep."

"I won't," Jim promised, then turned to McCoy, "I'm sending security here, be ready for it."

The Doctor scowled in response.

Then the Captain and his First left, and the next second Lee was at his side. She took his hand that, to his surprise, was shaking, and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry I went against you," she muttered, stroking his cheek with her another hand, "I'm so, so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

He didn't want to look at her, so he stared at the wall behind her back.

"Does it matter? You did it before, and you sure will do it again."

He tried to break free half-heartedly, but she didn't let him go. Instead, she tightened her grip and pulled him down for a kiss.

He didn't want to return it. Or rather, he didn't want to want to return it. She was reckless, stubborn and didn't give a fuck about his opinion.

These little demons in disguise of women. He hated them. But he loved her, and these could be their last moments together.

So he gave in.

With a curse, he tangled his hand in her hair and dragged her closer.

"I don't wanna lose you," he muttered between the kisses. It came out like a sob, but he didn't care.

She sighed against his lips.

"You won't. I swear you won't. Everything's gonna be alright, I promise you that."

He kissed her again, then distanced himself to look at her. His gorgeous crazy woman.

"I don't believe you," he replied, stroking her head and smoothing the mess he'd just caused.

She nodded.

"I know. It doesn't make it less true though. It will be all right."

She stepped back, still holding his hand.

"Come on. Time to dope me again."

He let her lead them to the main ward, ignoring curious looks people were giving their tight grip on each other.

Fuck people.

He loved this woman, and at this moment he wanted everyone to know that.