Set after the episode "Balance of Terror"
Personal Log of Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise
Stardate 1712.2
Vulcans. Why do I have to deal with the most stubborn of them EVER?
Spock hasn't been his usual double Vulcan self lately. Yes, this time we almost didn't make it. Yes, he accidentally touched a panel thus signaling our position to the Romulans and yes, he was taunted by a racist jackass who believed him to be a traitor. He's been clearly distressed since then but guess who's pretending to be fine and behaving as if nothing had happened? Of course, that's Mr. Spock, First Officer on the USS Enterprise!
Today I decided I'd had enough, Vulcan reserve or not. I needed to talk to the man. He wasn't on the bridge and I couldn't find him in his quarters so I asked the computer to locate him.
"Mr. Spock is in lab 6, C Deck."
Lab 6, C Deck means training. I got there wondering what the hell he was doing.
I found him studying a pad.
"Hello, Mr. Spock" I greeted.
He looked at me only to set his eyes on the pad again.
"Doctor McCoy."
"I need a word with you if you don't mind."
He finally looked up again and turned to me.
"Yes?"
"I suggest we go to my office. This is a personal matter." The lab was empty but people could've come in at any time.
"I am currently completing my training. If this is not urgent I suggest we postpone our meeting to a more suitable time" he stated, turning back to his work.
"Fine. We can meet in Sickbay in an hour." I snapped.
"Doctor, I just explained that I am currently completing my training."
"I'm not deaf, Spock. Let's meet in Sickbay in an hour."
I turned and left without giving him the time to reply.
OOO
Spock reported punctually to my office, even more stiff than usual.
"What is the matter, Doctor?"
The man had already gotten on my nerves but I had to moderate my harshness or he would've retreated within himself even more.
"Looks like you've been under stress lately, Mr. Spock" I started.
"Your impression is wrong, Doctor. I am fine" he answered, as I had expected.
"Really? Tell me, what training were you undergoing in the lab?"
"I was training in how to utilize the ship's equipment without hands" he explained in a cold voice.
"And I suppose this has nothing to do with the accident with that panel?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low.
He visibly stiffened.
"It was a mistake and I must see that it does not happen again. This is not a matter of stress but a simple exercise."
A self-deprecating Vulcan was exactly what I needed!
"No, training yourself in the lab until you're dead tired instead of sleeping it's not a simple exercise. Yes, I looked at your records – you spent quite a time in there." I added when he looked at me questioningly.
"There is not another way to prevent that mistake from occurring again" he replied.
"Yes there is. Accepting that it's been just a mistake. Accepting that mistakes happen sometimes. Taking your regular sleep so that your efficiency on the bridge won't be compromised."
"It seems to me that you fail to understand the importance of the matter, Doctor. The Enterprise has almost been destroyed because of my error." A self-reproaching expression appeared in his eyes for a moment before leaving them blank again.
"I understand it, Spock. But remember that without you firing them we would've been destroyed. You made a mistake – hell, a mistake can't cancel the great work you do on this ship everyday! So please stop taunting yourself, it won't cancel your mistake and it won't certainly improve your skills either."
"Your attempt at being logical is confusing, doctor"
"I don't know if I should feel offended or not." I grumbled.
Spock stood.
"Hey, I'm not finished yet. Sit back there."
Spock complied with the same helpless look of a pupil reproached by the headmaster.
"Stiles acted like an idiot. It can be hard to function at top efficiency if you feel that you're not trusted." I said, trying my best to be gentle.
"I assure you that Mr. Stiles' opinions about me did not bother me in the slightest. Moreover, I'm a Vulcan. Personal opinions do not affect my work." He stated.
He's always like this. Every time you think you have progressed a bit, he lets you down.
"Then it's just a coincidence that you've made your only mistake so far just after another officer questioned your loyalty."
He looked at me defiantly but said nothing to this.
"If his opinions really don't bother you, all the better. But you have every right to be bothered because he behaved like a jerk" I said.
"I find it surprising that you condemn with such vehemence Mr. Stiles' words since you make continuous negative remarks about my Vulcan ancestry, Doctor" he stated quietly.
For a moment I was speechless. I complain about Vulcans as much as Spock complains about Humans and I asked myself if I had gone too far.
"OK Spock, I rant at you. But have I ever questioned your loyalty?" I asked worriedly.
"No." he answered immediately, and I sighed with relief.
"And are you under the impression that I think you undeserving because of your ancestry?" I asked.
"No." he repeated.
"Good. Then I may complain about your pointy ears and poker face…"
"Poker face, Doctor?"
"…never mind. I may sometimes cross the line but I would never call you a traitor and I hope you know that. I would never think that you side with the Romulans just because you've got pointy ears. Stiles has been a jerk. That's what the whole crew thinks and what he himself thinks after you saved his life."
He looked at me without saying a word.
"And I don't think he has a following on this ships. I hope some bigoted idiots won't make you feel mistrusted"
"As I told you, racist considerations do not bother me in the slightest" he repeated, but I could read a reassured gaze in his eyes before he locked his emotions again.
"Well, that's quite all I wanted to say to you."
"Thank you, Doctor." He stood and left without another word.
But while he was taking leave he performed the "raised eyebrow". And I've come to know that when he does that he's near to what could be called "good mood".
I just hope the damn Vulcan actually listened to me this time.