Personal log of Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise

Vulcans will drive me crazy - The Galileo Seven

That Vulcan makes me swear.

It's been three days since we have returned from our mission. Well, I have to admit we behaved like blithering idiots but Spock was no different. We didn't accept the Vulcan way, which is different from ours, but he didn't accept our Human needs either.

It seems to me that Spock's still feeling bad about Latimer and Gaetano although it wasn't his fault and even if he did save all of us in the end. I feel a small visit to him is required – along with my apologies.

I went to his quarters. It's the first time I do so out of personal matters. Actually, Spock asked me whether the Captain was alright upon seeing me.

"Jim's fine, until he getst into the next trouble" I snorted "I came to talk to you."

I noticed that Spock's face was blank as usual and paler than usual. He hasn't eaten much these days and he's been more Vulcan than ever.

"Come in, Doctor."

He offered me a chair, then waited for me to speak.

"First of all, I'm sorry for my behavior. On the Galileo." I clarified "I suppose we didn't help you that much."

"You did not." Spock stated without any bitterness.

"I apologize for making things harder for you." I said, and I meant it. This has been Spock's first command and as much as he really needs to improve his social skills among humans we should've known better.

"This is not the matter. You did not help me in the sense that you did not offer the required cooperation"

He's doing that hyper-Vulcan thing again. Oh, no, boy, you're not doing that.

"No, Spock, there's more than that. We didn't understand that you manage things in your own way and we made you feel uncomfortable"

"This concern is uncalled for, Doctor. I am a Vulcan, I do not require such things as 'comfort' to work properly. Apologies are accepted. Now, if you are finished..."

"I'm nothing near 'finished', you stubborn Vulcan! Now would you please listen to me instead of dismissing me?" I was starting to lose my temper and that wasn't good.

Spock didn't answer and waited for me to go on.

"We made a good work of stressing you, OK. But maybe you could've striven a little more to understand our needs as well." I went on after taking a deep breath.

"If you are referring to Latimer and Gaetano, Doctor, I did what I thought was better for the well-being of the away-team. Allowing crewmembers to jeopardize their lives is not in their best interest and as a commanding officer my duty was to..." he declared.

I knew he felt bad about them. And I damn sure knew that he considered his first attempt at command as a total disaster. But would he admit that? Nooooo way.

"Damn it, Spock! I know why you did it! I know why you didn't want to kill the Taureans! Your motives are something that this human crew would have agreed upon, had you chosen to communicate them better!" I tried to keep my voice as low and quiet as I possibly could even if I was getting more angry with any second. Was it so damn hard to understand?

"I did point out my motives, Doctor."

"Spock, pointing out is different from communicating. Communicating is about behavior, not just about words! For example, why on earth did you refuse to hold the funerary duties?"

He stiffened a little.

"I thought it would have been performed more adequately by a human" he said plainly.

"Spock. You-are-half-human. Sometimes you behave as if you weren't part of this crew" I said, fuming.

"Your attitude hardly helped me to recognize myself as part of this crew, Doctor" he replied, again annoyingly calm.

"Spock, don't think that you can fool me! I can see through you! You didn't want to hold the funeral duties because you felt unfit to hold them, you felt that we wouldn't have welcomed your attempt. As if you were a stranger and not a member of the crew, and don't even try to deny it, damn it!"

"There is no point in denying your conclusions, Doctor, since you do not seem willing to accept a different explanation."

"You're going to make me swear, Spock. Damn it, you're defensive as if I wanted to hurt you!"

"I am not defensive."

"Funny because you sure as hell look like it!"

He didn't answer to this.

"Listen, I didn't come here to question your command style, I did so enough on the Galileo. I'm trying to offer an advice – I'm trying to cooperate- if you don't realize it!"

"And what would that advice be, Doctor?"

I had to be very careful about how to put it. I didn't have to make him feel embarrassed or he wouldn't have allowed me to get close anymore.

"Sometimes your Human half could tell you what's the most adequate thing to do if you just listened to it." I said slowly.

"I am Vulcan, Doctor. I am guided by logic, not by emotions."

"Really? Who would've thought?" I snorted sarcastically "Spock, I'm not telling you to behave like a human. I'm just saying that sometimes you could at least listen to your Human half. And I'm sure you're intelligent enough to understand it by yourself, so please don't annoy the hell out of me"

"This kind of behavior would compromise my work"

"This kind of behavior saved our very ass when you HUMANLY decided to ignite the fuel. And please don't pretend that it was a logical course of action, don't even try to give me that. And still you didn't become less Vulcan because of that action."

"Your opinion has been taken note of, Doctor." Spock declared, and I know this is the closest thing to 'maybe you're right' that he ever says.

"Try it out on your next command" I said. I half knew what he would've answered to that.

"I do not believe I will be in charge again any soon" he replied with his usual blank face. But I knew better.

"I don't see why you shouldn't be. You brought us home in the end, Latimer and Gaetano's death was absolutely not your fault, you managed it." I tried to speak as softly as possible.

"Still it was difficult for me to interact with the away team."

"We'll both learn to accept each other's way, Spock. Just chill out, damn it"

"I am perfectly calm, doctor"

"Perfectly calm my ass!" I snapped back.

"I fail to see how your backside..."

"Let me go back to Sickbay before I yell at you" I said through gritted teeth.

I hope next time we'll avoid being asses. Both of us.