Chapter 8 - Bread and Circuses

Headstrong Vulcan!

Yes, a couple of days ago I told Spock that he's afraid of living and insecure.

He had it coming, alright: he played sarcastic while I was trying to thank him, he even pretended to be distrustful of my medical expertise. He knew that his dismissive attitude would annoy me and he deliberately tried to start a fight. So he couldn't really complain about my harsh reply.

And yes, I hit the target. So much that, as I noticed very soon, I actually hurt him. It's not the first time I tease him about his failed attempts at suppressing emotions but he usually denies indignantly and this is pretty much it.

Well, not this time.

Since our return on the Enterprise, he's been double Vulcan around me, more than ever. He hasn't confronted me about that conversation but I didn't miss the look in his eyes in that prison. He was hurt. Especially because, while I know that he didn't mean what he said about my skills, I sure as hell meant what I told him.

Except that hurting him was not my goal.

But of course, he behaves as if nothing happened, that's just typical!

And since the headstrong Vulcan isn't going to take action, I'll have to fix this. Hurting his supposedly non-existent feelings will make him even more Vulcan than he is.

OOO

Spock didn't look particularly surprised -or particularly happy either- to see me at his door.

"Doctor?" he asked tersely.

"Hello, Mr. Spock. I would like to talk to you"

"I must prepare for meditation, Doctor, so unless it is important..."

"It is important" I cut in, trying to control my rising irritation. That Vulcan is a master at getting on my nerves!

With his face blank, he let me in and stood in front of me, clasping his hands behind his back.

"I am listening, doctor"

"The things I said back in our cell came out harsher than intended" I said tentatively.

"I have grown used to your emotional outbursts, doctor, and they do not bother me" he answered calmly.

Lie.

"Drop it, Spock" I snapped, unable to control myself "You were quite bothered in that cell"

"What would you have me say, doctor?" he asked with a helpless sigh.

God knows how I kept from yelling at him straight away!

"Say nothing and listen for once, you annoying Vulcan!" I barked.

He simply looked at me with a resigned expression.

"Look, Spock, I imagine that your Human half doesn't make things easy for you and that you would prefer not having to deal with it. I get it. The thing is, your human half's going to be a part of you forever, no matter what"

He listened without moving a muscle and stayed silent.

Now be gentle and careful.

"There is no point in fighting something you can't change, Spock" I said, trying to keep my voice soft and slow, since I was basically telling him that his behavior was irrational.

He tensed ever so slightly and I went on.

"You might even be more able to control your emotions if you acknowledged them. Look at our last mission: you were worried for Jim and it was perfectly understandable, yet you refused to admit that. And this in turn made you even more emotional because the worry was still there"

Spock was as stiff as a log.

"I can see how your emotions look threatening but it could get better if you decided to deal with them"

"We have meditation for that purpose" he said eventually, his voice very quiet.

I took the fact that he wasn't dismissing me anymore as a good sign.

"Meditation works for your Vulcan half. Does it work for the Human half?" I prompted him.

"You do not understand" he said tersely.

"Of course I don't understand, Spock. Nobody does, you're the first of your kind! But that goes for the Vulcans too. So if someone on Vulcan told you that you can meditate away your Human emotions, well I'm sorry but that's an unwarranted assumption, because there is no evidence that half-Humans can"

Wait, was I telling Spock that the Vulcans commit logical fallacies? I've got to mark this day on the calendar.

"Stating that I cannot as you are currently doing is also an unwarranted assumption" he pointed out.

"If you could meditate away your Human emotions we would not be having this conversation, would we? Unless you think that you are not good enough at it" I said, and Spock froze.

Hit the target again, Leonard - with the subtlety of a hurricane.

"Since you're the vulcanest Vulcan of the damn galaxy, I don't think your meditating skills are the issue. You know what Scotty says, right? 'The right tool for the right job'. Maybe meditation is not the right tool for your Human emotions"

Spock simply raised an eyebrow at this. Looks like I've cheered him up.

"Think about it this way, Spock: you might become more Vulcan by being less Vulcan"

Yes, I was feeling generous. I knew that my statement would clash with that logical mind of his and start one of those banters he enjoys as much as I do.

"This is completely absurd, doctor. It is illogical even by your standards to state that one can..."

"...and you ought to be smart!" I snorted, rolling my eyes "what I mean is that, by letting your emotions slip every now and then, you could end up gaining a better control over them, as it seems to be your wish"

"I fail to see how I should have understood that you meant that, doctor. I do hope that your clinical studies are written in a more understandable way, otherwise the unfortunate peer reviewer will have to..."

"You know what? I'll leave you to your meditation, at least you'll shut the hell up" I said sharply, turning to the door - but that was mostly to hide my own smile.

The door was already open when I heard Spock's voice behind me.

"Doctor"

I turned to look at him. He was more composed now but there was still something uneasy in his eyes.

"Yes?"

"During our imprisonment I made a statement about your medical skills which doesn't reflect my view on that matter and which was uncalled for" he said slowly.

"I know, Spock. Apologies accepted on one condition: next time I put you off bed rest, I don't want to hear your nagging"

"Vulcans do not..."

"And don't give me that Vulcans do not bullshit again"

Illogical Vulcan!