Deku
DISCLAIMER: Kōhei Horikoshi owns Boku no Hero Academia. The lyrics for the song "Control" belong to the artist Halsey.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is sadness and angst rolled into one crying package. Contains Villain!Izuku and Remorseful!Katsuki.
Katsuki woke up as he struck his alarm clock to shut it up. As he climbed out of bed, he glanced at the calendar. He frowned. Today was the day Izuku Midoriya vanished without a trace. Missing for three years. His disappearance was a cold case. His mother… his auntie… Inko Midoriya… she was a shell of her former self, now living with his parents ever since she tried to kill herself two years ago. Katsuki hated this day. It reminded him of everything he did to Izuku. The bullying, the name-calling, all the verbal abuse he hurled at him. It took three years of intense therapy for him to finally realize what he did was wrong.
That day when they were kids, when he fell into the creek and Izuku held his hand out to him… he thought he was being looked down upon. But he now knew… Izuku only worried greatly for his best friend. But how could he call himself that to Izuku? When all he did since they were four was hurt him?
"If I ever see you… I'll do everything to earn your forgiveness," the ash blond whispers softly to himself.
He got dressed and headed downstairs. Thank god it's a Sunday. No school. All he wants to do is just be alone on this day. The moment he descended the last step and entered the common area, the rest of 1-A were gathered around a brown parcel with string tied around it into a neat bow.
"Bakugo! You got a package, dude. Iida found it on the front step this morning," said Kirishima.
Katsuki sighed.
"And you guys haven't opened it yet?"
"No. Well, Ashido wanted to but Iida said no. Besides, it's not our business, right, bro?"
Kirishima was a good friend. It made the ash blond smile a fraction, but it was a smile nonetheless.
Sure, he was still quite mouthy and had little filter, not afraid to curse at anyone that rubs him the wrong way. But, he was still himself. He was going to be a hero that Izuku would be proud of… if he ever saw him again…
Katsuki undoes the strings and unwraps the brown paper before opening the box. Inside it was a jewel case with a disc resting inside, and a sticky note on it.
'Play me in the DVD. And have your entire class watch it with you. Please, Kacchan?'
That was the whole note. And the nickname made him feel dread. Only one person called him that…
Katsuki ran over to the TV and turning it on and the DVD player, puts the disc in. Everyone else was worried over seeing him panicking.
"Bro, what's going on?" asks Kirishima.
Then the disc plays.
On the TV screen, it was black. But then someone started walking slowly into view, eyes glowing green. It was a teenager their age, with unruly messy green hair, green eyes, freckles on his cheeks. He was dressed in black slacks and shoes, a pinstripe white dress shirt, red tie, dark green undervest, and wore a white lab coat that seemed to billow in a nonexistent wind.
Haunting music was playing. The teen on the TV has a dark smile on display, as his lips opened…
They send me away to find them a fortune
A chest filled with diamonds and gold
The house was awake, the shadows and monsters
The hallways, they echoed and groaned
I sat alone, in bed till the morning
I'm crying, "They're coming for me."
And I tried to hold these secrets inside me
My mind's like a deadly disease
I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones
And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me."
I can't help this awful energy
God damn right, you should be scared of me
Who is in control?
Izuku's eyes held a glow as he continues singing.
I paced around for hours on empty
I jumped at the slightest of sounds
And I couldn't stand the person inside me
I turned all the mirrors around
I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones
And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me."
I can't help this awful energy
God damn right, you should be scared of me
Who is in control?
Izuku's smile turns sad.
I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head
They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead
And I've grown familiar with villains that live in my head
They beg me to write them so I'll never die when I'm dead
I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones
And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me."
I can't help this awful energy
God damn right, you should be scared of me
Who is in control?
And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me."
I can't help this awful energy
God damn right, you should be scared of me
Who is in control?
The music ends, and he stops singing.
"Hey, Kacchan. Long time no see. It's been three years, I think…"
The teen was visibly happy on the screen.
"For you, of course, it was three years since I disappeared without a trace. Oh, the police did what they could, but there was little interest for a missing quirkless child. Now, if it was a child with a quirk, the entire country's in an uproar. But for worthless quirkless me, not many people cared. After all, we live in a quirkist society. Those with quirks will always enjoy tormenting the quirkless, even the so-called pro heroes, or the kidstraining to become future heroes who discriminate against the quirkless… like you and your 1-A classmates at UA."
"Quirkist? But I would never hate like that!" Uraraka shouted, very hurt at being called racist.
"I would never discriminate," said Iida.
"Same here, kero."
"Yeah!" shouts Ashido and Hagakure.
On the TV, Izuku sighed. He slid his hands into his coat pockets.
"I'm certain people stopped looking for me after a month, and let it die away when some celebrity did something stupid on social media again, or a hero performed some feat that earned money and fame."
Then his smile vanished.
"Do you remember what happened the day before I disappeared, Kacchan? I do. Do your classmates know what kind of person you truly were before UA? Even if they don't… well, all I remember from that day is our former middle school teachers doing absolutely nothing while half the school's student population laughed and jeered at my mistreatment, enjoyed seeing me get beaten up by a bunch of kids simply because I was quirkless, and then watching my personal property get destroyed by an explosion-wielding blond boy who looked down at me with his cruel red eyes and a nasty sneer."
Katsuki felt eyes turn on him. He was shaking. He hated this. He did not like being reminded of how much of a shitty person he used to be. He's done his best to change his life around!
"Bakubro… what is this?" asked Kirishima, worry creeping into his voice.
"Do you remember watching me run away, bleeding, injured, with a limp? I bet you do, and I bet everyone decided the fun show was over and walked away. And none of the teachers said anything or punished you for abusing another student."
"Bakugo! Is this true?" shouts Iida.
"I'm certain someone may have asked if what I'm saying is true. The answer is yes," Izuku said after a short pause.
Class 1-A stared at the TV, then to Katsuki who was looking pale. Izuku though continued speaking.
"I ran home. I left all my things behind and just ran home. Little did I know that my nightmare was only going to continue, like it has since the age of four. I'm sure even YOU, Kacchan, may have noticed how every year the glow in my eyes slowly turned dim, and my once big brilliant innocent child-like smile grew smaller and smaller. I would stick to the shadows to avoid confrontation, make myself appear as small as possible so I'd be left alone if I was lucky."
Izuku's shoulders slumped a bit, an aura of depression emerging.
"Slowly growing jaded with the world around me. No friends, no trust in the adults who are supposed to take care of me, bullying, name-calling, stealing my things, being blamed for every single problem under the sun, being punished for crimes never committed."
Izuku sighed, hands sliding out from his pockets.
"When I got home, mom knew something happened to me. I cried. I always was a crying boy, because of how hard the world was to me. But… as mom comforted me, I learned that night that even my mom didn't believe in my dreams. That I wanted to be a hero just like All Might. But it would be impossible without a quirk. Mom knew you bullied me, Kacchan. She knew all along. And she told me that you'd stop hurting me if I gave up on being a hero because I was quirkless."
He smiled sadly.
"Can you believe that? Even my mom admitted it. I knew that my mom was disappointed that her so-called precious baby boy was quirkless, but until that night, I falsely believed she'd love me regardless of my condition. It hurt so much, Kacchan." He voice started trembling with emotion, as tears starting falling. "It hurt me so much that even my mom… my mom wouldn't support me. So I ran. I ran away from that home and didn't look back. Until I somehow ended up underneath an overpass in Hosu."
He paused for a moment as he choked on a sob, and his sob was wrenching the listeners' hearts. Katsuki looked even more miserable.
I'm sorry, Izuku… you have to believe me, was Katsuki's desperate thought.
Izuku sniffles, as he reached up to wipe away his tears with the back of his left hand.
"I ended up with a gun to the back of my head, and some criminal telling me I'm his human shield if the cops find him. This guy apparently robbed a convenience store and was being hunted down because he killed the vendor that worked there for the cash. At that point, I was scared. I didn't want to die, but at the same time, I knew I'm worthless. Then he showed up."
A smile started to emerge.
"He was there… and he saved my life. All Might." His voice seems to become lighter now, more lively. "All Might was someone I admired. Someone you admired, Kacchan. Remember when we were little, before your quirk emerged, before you began to abuse me after I turned five years old? That we both vowed to become heroes together just like All Might. We'd be the best hero team Japan has ever seen. I was happy to see All Might in person. So, I decided to ask my hero a question, Kacchan."
The happiness in his voice went dead, and the smile disappeared.
"I asked All Might if someone like me, who is quirkless, can become a great hero like him. He told me no, Kacchan. No." Izuku's eyes dimmed, too. "He told me that it's nice to have dreams, but I had to be realistic with them, for without a quirk, it is impossible for meto become a pro hero. He then smiled, grabbed the criminal he knocked out, and leapt away into the night to take the gunman to the cops. And I was left all alone, finally broken."
Izuku looked defeated.
"I was abused. I was unloved. I was friendless. I have no father. I have a mother who never believed in me. I had a childhood friend who only abused and belittled me. My childhood was shitty. My life was shitty. My life was worthless. That night, I decided that it would only be right for me to just end my own life. What worth was I? The world wants nothing to do with me, so why should I continue living? I found a discarded pocket knife in the nearby trash, and I was ready to slit my throat and bleed to death, but a hand gripped my wrist and forced me to drop the knife."
His smile started to return.
"My REAL savior showed up. He witnessed the whole exchange. He saw and heard everything. And he felt sad for me, because a hero would save me one moment, then crush me the next. He told me that I shouldn't give the world the satisfaction of my death, for it would prove to them that they were right about me. If I really wanted the world to see how strong I truly was, I should keep on living. It would spite them because they tried their hardest to break me but I still continue existing. He offered to take me away from all the pain and heartache. He held his hand out to me, and he smiled to me."
Tears formed again, as his own smile emerged once again.
"That night, I found someone who did not hate me. I looked back to my life, and felt nothing but pain. Looking to my savior, I saw nothing but warmth and comfort. So I grabbed his hand and he whisked me away from my old life. On that night, Izuku Midoriya died."
Even with the tears, his smile never wavered.
"And he was reincarnated from the ashes as Deku."
Emerging from the shadows were three people, two who are very familiar to the rest of Class 1-A, and the third familiar to those who recalled his face.
Katsuki's mind was racing. No. Please… don't tell me you… please… Izuku! No!
The man with the ghostly blue flames, Dabi. The high school-looking girl with the sharp teeth and hunger for blood, Himiko Toga. And the man who attacked them at the USJ months ago, who orchestrated Katsuki Bakugo's kidnapping during the summer training camp, Tomura Shigaraki.
"I found my real family, Kacchan."
Dabi and Tomura grinned at the camera.
"And I found someone who truly cared for me… who showed me how much she loved me…"
Himiko glomps Izuku with a happy smile, leaning up on her toes to plant a loving kiss on his cheek. And Izuku smiled happily from the kiss that he turns his head, and he captures Himiko's lips with his own kiss. Himiko giggled from the kiss she got from her loving boyfriend.
"They didn't discriminate against me just because I was quirkless. They cherished me and my brilliant analytical mind. They helped me get back to perfect health. They gave me attention. They praised me. They showed me that they understood what I went through in my life. They were just like me. They were hated. They were betrayed. They were abused. I've never felt happier in my life. Three years ago, I was ready to end it all, but the kindness of one man turned me around. The very same man who All Might threw away in prison after beating him in Camino Prefecture…"
Izuku now sneers at the camera.
"You, All Might, this cruel society, the world… because I was quirkless, you labeled me as worthless and useless. But my friends here, my charming girlfriend, and the man who saved me, who I consider my true father in every sense of the word, they said I was not worthless, not useless. And I would die for my real family making sure that this corrupt world we live in is changed for the better. A world where discrimination and hatred no longer exists."
The laugh that left Izuku's lips was cruel, evil.
"And it all starts with All Might's death, then the deaths of every single quirk-wielding hero…"
Gasps were heard, as Uraraka, Asui, and Kirishima see a familiar little girl with white hair and a horn growing from the temple of her forehead emerge into view and step between Himiko and Izuku. Then a dark-haired boy wearing a red cap with horns emerged and stood opposite from Eri's position.
"Then people like myself, like Himiko, Dabi, Tomura… and even Kota and Eri… can live in a peaceful world where heroes are just comic book characters, where no one will be abused, or hated, or felt abandoned."
Eri reached up with her left hand, while the boy, Kota, reached up with his right hand. Like a parent, Izuku allows the two six year olds to slip their hands into his hands, and he holds onto them lovingly.
"My sweet Kacchan… even though you've done everything to harm me growing up, I still love you." Katsuki's breath hitched in a shocked gasp. "That's why you'll be the last one left alive, Kacchan. You will be the last person left, and only I will be the one to touch you, and no one else."
Izuku smiles loving now, directing that smile towards Katsuki through the video.
"Until we meet again, my dear Kacchan."
Snow filters onto the TV now… before the video stops playing.
Katsuki choked on a sob.
"I'm sorry, Izuku," he whispers, hugging himself tightly. "I'm so sorry…"
He collapsed onto his knees off the sofa, sobbing out in the open now, causing his classmates to look at him in distress. Kirishima and Ashido came to his aid.
"I'm so sorry! Izuku!"
The guilt weight heavily in his soul.
He understood the video.
Because of his past actions, it turned his childhood friend into a villain.
And it was all his fault…