A/N: I just thought of this idea so let me know if you want me to continue. I think I want this to be a Gang AU, set in Republic City. I'm not creative enough to come up with gang names for each element so please help me out here with a PM. I think I'm going to name the airbenders as "The Winds" but idk.

Disclaimer: DiMartino and Konietzko own ATLA characters.

I don't even know how to start this.

There is too much to say in so little space.

And I know whatever is written, whatever I say, will go unheard.

But maybe that's for the best. No one would understand me. Or the problems that consume me.

I know you would though. You always knew what to say. I know you would tell me, "Pray Katara, look towards the Spirits for guidance."

But I gave up on religion years ago. It did me no favors then and it won't do me any now.

I miss you so much. It still hurts to know I'll never see you again. I'll never get to see your face, or your smile again. And the most fucked up thing, the worst part, is that I can't even remember. I close my eyes and pick at my brain to assemble what pieces I have left of you and bring them together. But their missing, fading. Pieces of memories I once called home drown in the problems that only my brain struggles to process.

And then I look in the mirror. It is the only thing that's left of you, the part of you that continues on. I look in the mirror and I stare hard, long. I wonder if what I see is what you would have wanted. I wonder if what I've done for the family, the hell I've been through for the gang, is enough to breach past the boundaries of failure. I still don't know if I am a failure.

Maybe this is why I cry. After I stare at myself long enough, maybe this is why I see a little girl pretending to play tough, pretending to be you.

I want you back. The family is falling apart again and I am too weak to pull them back together. Or maybe it is me. Maybe I am the one falling, and it is my family trying to determine where I'll land and be there, arms outstretched, to catch me.

I don't want to be caught though. Not anymore at least. I don't want anyone trying to save me when I'm perfectly capable of doing so myself. And I'm sure that if I did let someone into my problems, if I did let someone in, they wouldn't know what to do. I am a ball of jumbled yarn, and no one I know retains the patience to untangle it. And part of me is glad of that though. Because if I'm honest, I am afraid.

I'm afraid that if the yarn is separated into its individual strings, if the ball is opened and everything is revealed, I'm afraid what's inside won't be anything at all. I fear that I'll open up and what they find will be disappointing, a grand effort to discover something of close to no value.

But I did meet someone.

He was a boy, maybe a year younger than me, that I met at some club.

I can't even remember the name.

What I do remember though is that he was patient. He was willing to listen, to grab at every problem I had and make it his own.

But I couldn't. At first, I couldn't let myself do it. I didn't want my problems to be his. They weren't his to understand.

Soon enough, we were friends. Even sooner, we were holding hands.

There was something about him. Something that made him seem different. I'm still trying to figure it out. Not that I know why. I shouldn't even waste my time. It won't change anything. It won't bring him back.

I think I loved him. It was too easy to then. He showed me so many things. In some ways, he taught me to be a kid again, to forget my problems and just live.

Believe me when I tell you... it was a mistake. I should have never met him at the club. I wasn't even supposed to go in the first place. Sokka told me it was a bad idea but, of course, I didn't listen. I should have never looked at him. I should have never danced with him. I should have never gone home with him.

Not that anything happened. I'm not that type of girl.

But when it did, when I did let him... I should have never. It was a mistake. You have to believe me that it was a mistake.

I thought what I assumed to be true would make this alright. I thought he loved me and everything was going to be okay. Clearly, I was mistaken and stupid. Pretty and dumb.

What Gran-Gran told me about The Winds are true.

One moment they're there and the next their gone.

A/N: Before you put my on blast for the person she's referencing to be out of character, just keep reading and I swear everything will work itself out. Leave a review and let me know what you thought.