In which Elsa is a clingy drunk.
If I Die, I'm Haunting You First
"Does the air… seem a bit… thin… to you… up here?"
"You make it sound like you're climbing a mountain."
"You mean… I'm not? Please tell me I'm almost there."
It feels cruel to laugh, so Kristoff clears his throat. "You're almost there."
Anna looks up. And groans.
"That's why I told you to wait with her while I ran up and came back with the car."
"Yeah, but before that, you said, 'It's too steep. I don't have my Ventolin with me and you can't piggyback your drunk sister all the way there.'"
"That was not a cue for you to go 'Says who?' and literally die on this hill proving me wrong."
"Oh, so you admit you were wrong!"
"Who lost her balance and would have rolled down the hill without me to save her?"
"That was like a crazy trust exercise. If I die, I'm haunting you first."
"I'm not drunk…" Elsa mumbles into Anna's shoulder.
"You wanna walk on your own then?" Anna teases.
"Nooooo!"
Kristoff definitely feels an asthma attack on the way because Elsa is whining and clinging to her sister like a resplendent koala, and Jesus H. Christ, he can't breathe.
"Elsa," Anna chokes out. "Can't… breathe…!"
"Sorry." It's a loud whisper.
"There's still a way to go," Kristoff tells Anna. "I could take her."
"No!" Elsa burrows back into the crook of Anna's neck.
"Oof! Okay, okay. I got you." Anna hoists Elsa higher on her back. "I swear this is karma."
"At least she's an adorable drunk."
"Hah! You've seen nothing. Watch this—hey, Els?"
"Mhmm?"
"What's number forty-two on the periodic table?"
"Molybdenum. Forty-two is my favourite number. It's the answer to life—"
"—the universe and everything," Anna choruses with her. "I still can't believe you read that book to me as a bedtime story. How old were you?"
"I'm two."
"Oh boy. Does that make me minus one?" Anna's powering up the hill now, her head tipped against Elsa's as she chatters on, all hints of fatigue vaporised.
Kristoff follows with a smile.
"Anna?" Elsa says blissfully.
"Yeah?"
"Love you."
"Love you, too. Hey, hey, don't fall asleep on me. What about that super long word you told me about the other day?"
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?"
"Err… no. The other one; it started with F?"
"Ohhh. Floccinaucinihilipilification? It means 'the act of deciding that something is worthless'. Do you want me to spell it?"
"No, no, we're good—"
"F-L-O-C…"
They're only halfway up this godforsaken hill, but when Anna rolls her eyes and smiles at him, Kristoff knows it's a waste of breath to deny it: this girl is already haunting him.
A/N: Apparently Kristoff is asthmatic in this AU. I didn't know why but hey, we all know Anna can piggyback her sister no problem.