Well, hello there everyone. If you follow me on twitter, then you were likely aware of this oneshot coming, but if you don't… well, surprise. This (not so little) oneshot is something that I've had floating around in my head for a while, and I decided to finally sit down and write it. I've been working on it for a little over a month, so I'm glad to now get it posted for you all (although it would've been up sooner if not for the site's issues). Though I do want to warn you, this isn't really a happy story or anything like that. It's pretty sad, so yeah, prepare yourselves for that.
For context, this story isn't necessarily set during any specific time in the show. But Matt and Gabby are married, and he is a Captain, just so you all know.
Also, half of this story is told in flashbacks. There is a lot of back and forth between present time and things that happened in the past, but the flashbacks are all italicized. Some of it's interwoven all together, so just be paying attention to it. It's kind of like there are two stories being told at once, but you'll see more of what I mean when you get into it.
I hope you all enjoy it, I can't wait to hear what you think. Also, I'm sorry.
And finally, this oneshot is dedicated to Alex. She's been supporting me since the very, very beginning, without fail, and the least I could do is write her this incredibly depressing story because she thrives off of things like this.
Enjoy.
I'll Spend My Whole Life Missing A Part Of Me
Casey stepped out of the shower, the man reaching for his towel and expertly drying himself off before wrapping the material around his waist, the simple action causing his exhausted muscles to scream at him before he began walking for the door. His body needed rest, he could feel it with every step he took, but even if he didn't have to be at the firehouse this morning, he knew he likely wouldn't have been able to get any. That if he tried to lay down, he'd toss and turn and not be able to sleep, just as he had last night; like he did every night. Every night since he'd started sleeping in here again. So he knew there was no use in even trying, Matt's body moving slowly as he stepped into his quiet bedroom.
Everything around him was dark, nothing but the street lights filtering in through his sheer curtains illuminating the room, Casey moving on autopilot as he began to get ready for work. He barely registered much of what he was doing, his muscle memory taking him through the motions as he slowly got himself dressed. Each of his movements felt like they were expending nearly all his energy, even the smallest of tasks feeling daunting as he gradually got dressed into his clothes for shift.
With his pants hanging open off his hips, Matt walked towards the dresser as the silence around him was becoming deafening, as it so often had been over the last few weeks. That harsh quiet reminding him of how completely alone he was in the home that used to be full of life, Matt doing all he could to ignore that reality as he continued getting ready, the man hoping he'd begin to feel at least the slightest bit better once he was able to get out of here.
Swallowing the thick lump that had formed in his throat, his gaze was barely focused ahead as he continued to get dressed. But as he did, a flash of metal caught his gaze, Matt noticing the jewelry catch in the light as it sat on top of the dresser. The piece of jewelry that rested in that same exact spot every night, the same jewelry he'd worn on a chain around his neck every day for the last two months.
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt reached out to grab the silver band, the small object feeling so tremendously heavy in his hand as it was like every time he looked at it, the weight of this crushing him all over again. But despite that feeling, he couldn't help but keep it close to him, the pain he felt wearing it around his neck nothing compared to the pain he felt when he didn't have it with him, Matt's head falling towards the ground as he ran his finger over the smooth silver.
Casey slowly came into consciousness as he felt a soft hand rubbing over his back, a small smile forming across his face before he could even open his eyes, Matt focusing on the feeling of her fingers dancing along his shoulder blade before she rolled over towards him. His eyes were still closed, though that didn't necessarily matter as she was lying behind him, Matt's smile growing when he felt her bare chest press into his back, both of them still in the same undressed state they'd fallen asleep in last night.
He didn't bother moving as she hugged herself to him, her hand sliding along his side before coming to rest over his chest, her arm underneath his as she began to press gentle kisses over the back of his neck and his shoulder. She scratched his chest gently, the sheets resting just above their waists as he felt her breaths hit his skin. He wasn't sure if she knew he was awake or not, or if she was just hoping her methods would pull him from his slumber, but he didn't mind either way, Matt glad to have her so close to him as her hand moved down towards his stomach.
He groaned softly, Matt feeling her smile against him before she pressed another kiss to his neck, her arm tightening around his side before she teased her thumb over the skin on his lower stomach.
"Good morning." Gabby murmured, her soft, raspy voice causing his smile to widen as Matt kept his eyes closed, the man not entirely wanting to break out of this moment with just the two of them. At least not yet.
"Morning, baby." He replied just as quietly, Matt moving his hand down to rest on top of hers over his abdomen. He could feel the cool touch of her wedding ring against his hand, Casey sure his was having the same effect on her as he clasped onto the back of her hand.
They sat in a comfortable quiet for a few moments, Matt glancing towards the clock on the nightstand to see they still had a bit more time before needing to get up and get ready for work, neither of them wanting to disturb this quiet time together. Gabby had made herself comfortable behind him, her head resting on his pillow while her forehead was pressed into the base of his neck, her arm still wrapped tightly around his body to keep herself as close to him as possible.
Without saying a word, Matt gently lifted her hand up off his stomach, Gabby smiling softly as he brought it up towards his lips and began to gently kiss her palm. And after a few light, barely-there kisses, he turned her hand to place a lingering kiss to her wedding band, Gabby releasing a satisfied breath as she nuzzled deeper against the warmth his body provided.
"You know, I hope this shift is an easy one..." Gabby mused after nearly five minutes of silence, Matt smiling softly as he moved their conjoined hands to rest over his heart.
"Oh yeah? … Why is that?" He questioned back as she rubbed her thumb against his chest.
"Because you kept me up so late last night, when you know we had to work today." She replied, her words earning a laugh to come from deep in his throat as Gabby pressed another kiss against his back.
Before responding to her, he gently shifted in her embrace, Matt turning to face her as she adjusted to lie on her back. And when she came into view, it wasn't lost on him how the sheets were still bunched down by her waist, a sly grin forming over his lips as his eyes instinctively moved towards her chest. It only took him mere seconds to become distracted by the sight of her, Gabby scoffing heavily as his gaze was focused on the way her chest moved up and down while she breathed, before she reached out to grab his chin. Though she knew how much he was enjoying the view, that didn't stop her from lifting his head slightly, forcing him to meet her eyes once more as she saw the sheepish look that graced his features. Before saying a word, he reached out to rub his warm palm across her bare stomach, Matt leaning down to press a gentle, barely-there kiss on the top of her arm as the gesture caused her to smile.
"Well, I'm sorry for keeping you up so late…" He spoke as he replied to her question, his head still tucked down towards her body as he was trailing light kisses up her arm towards her shoulder. "But you seemed to enjoy it last night." His voice was teasing, Gabby biting down on her bottom lip as she let her eyes fall closed, the woman more focused on the feeling of his lips on her skin as he kissed across her collarbone to her neck, while his hand slid up from her stomach to rest just below her breast. "A lot, if my memory serves correct." He added, a low laugh escaping her throat before she reached up to run her fingers through his hair.
"I never said I didn't enjoy it," She countered, both of them keeping their voices low as to not disturb the blissful moment they were in. "But now I'm sleepy." Gabby nearly whined, her words causing him to laugh against her neck before he lifted himself up, Matt finding her gaze almost instantly the second she opened her eyes.
"Well, I'm sorry you're sleepy, babe… But like you said, hopefully today is an easy day." He replied with a bright grin, Gabby matching his look as she trailed her hand along to rest on his cheek, Matt's smile widening when he felt her wedding band resting against his skin.
"Yeah… I hope so."
He blinked quickly as his eyes came to focus on the wedding band in his hand once more, his throat feeling tighter and tighter by the second as he did what he could to push down the burning feeling in his stomach. Breathing in as deeply as he could, he willed the overwhelming feeling of nausea taking over his senses to go away, the silence around him seeming oh so loud as he waited for this moment to pass. And eventually, it did, Casey opening his eyes as he continued taking slow breaths, his grip on the ring in his hand tightening before he shook his head roughly.
He couldn't do this, not today, Matt pushing away every harrowing thought running through his brain as he quickly slipped the silver chain over his neck, the cool wedding band hitting the skin on his chest like a jolt of electricity shooting through his body. But now that it was on, he didn't have to think about it, Casey doing all he could to ignore the heaviness around him as he continued on getting ready for work, knowing the best thing for him right now would be to get out of this apartment.
"Matt, stop it." Gabby warned as they stood in the locker room, the couple oblivious to the world around them as he continued pinching her side, Dawson giving him one last stern look as they stood in front of her open locker. His free hand was gripping the top of the locker door, while his other continued to tease her, the firefighter effectively trapping her in, though he knew she didn't mind. "I mean it- stop." She spoke again, though her tone was the farthest thing from annoyed as a soft laugh escaped her lips.
"Hey, Dawson can you- Oh, God." Severide groaned as he stepped around the last row of lockers, Matt looking back towards him as he kept his hand up on the door. "Can you two at least get a room or something?" He asked, Gabby biting down on her lip as Matt turned back to face their friend, her husband having to return his hands to himself as Kelly continued towards them.
"What do you want, Severide?" Casey asked with a huff, Gabby unable to fight off her smirk as she looked between the two men.
"Well, right now I'm wondering why you're frisking Dawson out here in the open where anyone could walk in," He replied, Matt narrowing his gaze on him while Gabby shook her head. "But no, I was just coming to get you because the Chief is looking for you, Gabby." He told her, the paramedics eyebrows raising in confusion as Casey glanced towards her.
"Oh boy." He cut in with an amused gleam in his eye, Gabby's unsure look morphing into one of annoyance before she lightly punched his side. "I can only imagine what you did this time-"
"Excuse me?" She asked, feigning hurt before she shoved him again. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?" She pressed, her head cocked to the side before she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'm just kidding, baby."
"I think he means how you're always getting in trouble." Severide replied with a smirk, Gabby's narrow gaze moving back and forth between them before a heavy scoff left her lips. "But I wouldn't get too cocky, Casey- Boden wants to see us, too." He added, Matt's eyes narrowing slightly as he and Gabby both looked towards him.
"All of us?" He questioned, Kelly giving him a nod as Gabby looked back at her husband.
"Well, looks like I'm not the only one in trouble." She teased back, Matt shaking his head lightly.
"Hopefully none of us are." Severide responded. "I'm not sure about you, or about the world's favorite Captain here… Or at least your favorite Captain, Dawson-" He continued, the paramedic doing all she could to fight off her smirk as Matt chuckled lightly. "But I have done nothing."
"I doubt any of us our in trouble." Casey countered as the man leaned back against the lockers. "In fact, if anything, I bet it has something to do with that call from last shift, where we ended up calling CPS," He spoke as he referred to their less than routine call the other day, his words causing them both to nod knowingly. "There's always follow up with stuff like that, I'm sure that's what it is."
"That makes sense." Severide replied as Gabby took a step back to shut her locker, the woman turning to face them before shoving her hands in her pockets. "I guess we should go see though… Shouldn't keep him waiting, or we might actually get in trouble." He added, Matt grinning softly before he nodded.
"Yeah, you're right." Gabby responded, the woman nodding towards the exit before taking a slight step closer to Matt. "We should probably-"
Her words got cut off by the sound of the bells ringing out above them, all three of the first responders stopping what they were doing as they listened to all companies being called out to a house fire a few blocks from here. Releasing a soft sigh, Gabby clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth before she shoved her arm against Matt's lightly, encouraging him to move forward.
"Looks like Boden will have to wait…" Severide spoke as both Gabby and Matt nodded.
"We can talk to him when we get back." Matt continued as they moved towards the hallway. "And I'm sure Sev and I will beat you back, so we can see him and see what it is, then fill you in when you get back." He added while they walked through the firehouse, Gabby nodding in agreement before she tightened her ponytail, the three first responders walking that familiar path towards the garage.
"Yeah… When I get back."
Casey jumped slightly when he heard the sound of a locker slamming, the man lifting his head out of his own locker to look back and find a paramedic standing a few feet from him, the newest addition to the firehouse wearing an apologetic look over her face when she realized she'd startled him.
"Sorry Captain." The new paramedic, Emily Foster, spoke, Matt shaking his head slightly before turning back towards his locker.
"It's fine." He answered shortly, Casey unsure if she could even hear him as his words were muffled by the metal door. But he didn't so much care as he had no interest in talking to her.
It wasn't anything personal; she was nice enough, but Matt hadn't bothered getting to know her. They'd maybe said ten words to one another in the months that had passed since she'd joined 51, and he was fine to keep it that way, as the only reason she was here was because they had suddenly needed a spot filled on 61.
And as far as he was concerned, she was nothing but a reminder of that.
Severide walking into the room broke the uncomfortable silence in the air, Emily looking from Casey towards the other firefighter, seeing Kelly doing the same thing as he looked back and forth between them. Drawing in a deep breath, Foster merely shook her head before she turned around and left the room, knowing the best thing she could do for the distraught Captain was to leave him be.
Once she'd left, it was only Severide and Casey in the small room as Kelly leaned his body against the locker a few down from his friend, Matt not even bothering to look his way as he kept his head tucked into his locker. He stayed quiet for a few moments, Severide trying to get a read on his friend before he said anything. But with Casey refusing to look at him, that was proving to be a bit difficult.
Sighing softly, Kelly ran his head over the side of his face, his eyes never leaving Casey's sunken frame as the man continued on getting ready for shift. "You didn't answer my calls." He eventually spoke when neither had said a word, Matt barely acknowledging him as he only stood up straight long enough to grab his bag before he turned back to his locker.
"I was busy." He replied roughly, his voice barely sounding like his own as he refused to look towards his friend, Severide biting down on the inside of his cheek to keep him from saying something he shouldn't as they both knew his words were a lie.
But Kelly didn't dwell on it, knowing he'd get nowhere fast if he challenged him too much. "How'd you sleep?" He continued on with the normal questions he usually asked him. But, also as usual, Casey didn't answer him, the firefighter remaining silent as he finished up putting his things away. Matt closed the door and secured the lock in place before turning towards Severide, the Captain intent on getting out of here and to his office where he usually spent most of shift these days. But he was barely able to get another step before Severide stopped him once more, the Lieutenant standing in his way so he couldn't get past. "Casey…"
"What?" He questioned instantly, his tired and red eyes holding next to no life, the bags under his eyes even more alarming as Kelly finally got a good look at him.
"You look like hell, man." He continued, Matt saying nothing as his hard gaze stayed focused on Severide. "Have you gotten any sleep lately?" He asked once more, Casey shrugging quickly before his eyes moved down towards the ground.
"I don't feel like sleeping much these days." He answered, his voice thick before he cleared his throat, Severide breathing in deeply as he pondered over his next words, knowing they wouldn't be easy ones for him to say. And they'd be even harder for Casey to hear.
"Yeah, I've noticed." He replied, Matt remaining quiet as he waited for Kelly to move, but the man wouldn't budge, Severide holding his intense gaze as he continued. "Do you think-" He stopped himself, Kelly grimacing slightly as Matt's eyebrows furrowed slightly, the Lieutenant shaking his head as he knew he just had to say it. "I know this is hard, but do you think maybe you should start thinking about finding another place to live?"
Casey's entire body tightened as he spoke, the dark and exhausted look in his eyes morphing into one of anger, Severide noticing it immediately. But he was prepared for it, Kelly well aware Matt wouldn't take this conversation well.
"Or the offer still stands, if you want to move in with me for a little bit, so you're not on your own." He continued, Severide sure he hadn't seen Matt this angry in a long time. "...I think it would do you some good-"
"I'm fine." Casey cut him off instantly, Kelly drawing in a slow, deep breath.
"Casey…"
"I said I'm fine, Severide." He barked back, Casey clearly not wanting to have this conversation. But it didn't faze Kelly one bit, the firefighter standing tall as he kept his gaze on the broken man in front of him.
"No, you're not." He replied, his tone staying the same as Matt's head hung towards the ground, his hand coming up to press against his temple as he felt an intense pressure beginning to form behind his eyes. "You're not okay at all, and no one's expecting you to be. But you staying there, it's not good for you, Case." He pressed on, seeing by his demeanor alone that Matt was about to snap; and Severide couldn't be sure if that was a good thing or a bad one. "You should at least consider it…"
"I'm not leaving." Casey nearly growled after he drew in a deep breath, Kelly pursing his lips together before opening his mouth, the man knowing his next words were risky ones.
"She wouldn't want this for you, man." Severide spoke, Matt's entire body going stiff as his eyes filled with an intense darkness, almost like the Captain was moments away from either completely losing it, or breaking down. "She wouldn't want this for you, and you know that. Gabby, she-"
"I'm not leaving!" He shouted, the loud tone of his voice combined the force at which he punched the locker beside him causing Severide to jump back slightly, the harsh sound reverberating through the room as Kelly's eyes widened slightly. Casey's chest moved up and down quickly as he drew in rough breaths, rage pouring off of him as his now-injured hand hung limply at his side.
Movement from behind him caused Kelly to glance back, the man seeing Herrmann standing there just at the entrance of the locker room, his eyes wide as well as he looked back and forth between the two men. And while Severide couldn't be sure of how much he'd heard, it was clear he'd seen enough as nothing but worry was shining in his gaze.
But if Matt was bothered at all by Herrmann's presence, he didn't show it, the firefighter's harsh gaze still focused on Kelly as Severide looked back at him. And the look he was getting wasn't exactly comforting, Casey looking like he could put him through a wall at any minute.
"I'm not leaving, so just mind your own fucking business, Severide." He snapped before he headed for the exit, Casey making sure to bump his shoulder roughly as he left without another word, leaving the two stunned firefighters alone in the locker room.
Drawing in a deep breath, Kelly caught Herrmann's gaze, the Lieutenant shaking his head as a similar look of uncertainty flickered over Christopher's features. "I don't… I don't know how to help him when he's like that." Severide huffed out, Herrmann breathing in deeply as he thought over his words, Kelly not missing the wave of sadness that appeared across his face.
"All we can do is be here for him." Herrmann replied softly, the older man shaking his head slightly before he looked back towards the direction Casey went, his heart feeling heavy in his chest as he released a quiet sigh. "...But we're not the person he needs right now."
Casey blew out a harsh sigh as he hopped down from the rig after they pulled up to the fire, the Captain already doing what he could to take in the scene in front of him, and figure out how best to help. Though ultimately, he knew all decisions would have to go through Boden as the rest of 51 pulled up to the scene. And it took no time for them to fall into their normal roles, the Chief shouting orders as soon as his feet hit the ground, as 81 and squad 3 were sent inside the building within seconds. While squad stayed downstairs to check the basement and the main floor, truck was sent to the second floor of the home to check for any victims. But before Casey could even get to the first room, he heard Severide's voice come through the radio, the man speaking quickly as the Captain directed his firefighters to search further down the hallway.
"Chief, we got a victim down here in the basement… He's got a pretty bad head wound." Kelly spoke, Matt feeling the flames rolling above his head as smoke filled the air around them. "Looks like he fell down the stairs when he was trying to leave, I'm afraid to move him without a backboard."
"How's the fire looking?" Boden asked back immediately.
"Pretty smoky down here."
"It's bad up here Chief." Casey replied back once Kelly finished talking, the Captain checking the room quickly while he spoke. "But venting the back bought us some more time."
"Alright- Dawson!" Boden called, Matt's spine straightening when he heard her name being called. The line went quiet for a few seconds, the Chief and the paramedic likely having a conversation outside as Matt tried to keep his mind focused, knowing there might be more people here who needed help. But it was nearly impossible to do so, especially when Boden's voice came through the radio once more. "Severide, Dawson's coming in."
"Okay, Cruz, go out and get her." Kelly ordered, Casey forcing out a heavy breath before he continued doing his sweep.
"This is in and out, get the victim on the board then get out of there." Boden replied firmly, as everyone knew they didn't have too much time here.
"Got it, Chief."
Casey continued on with his sweep of the upstairs while he tried not to worry about the fact that his wife was now inside this burning building, the fear he felt when she used to be a firefighter now coming back in waves despite him doing his best to push it down. He knew she was more than capable, it had nothing to do with her or her abilities, as he knew that was exactly why she was the medic he sent it; but that didn't make it any easier. Because they all were well aware of how unpredictable this job could be. It was part of what they signed up for, though in moments like this he absolutely hated it.
"Casey, we're all clear up here." Kidd called over the flames, the intense heat only worsening with every second they were in here, the orange glow over their masks reminding them of just how close they were to the fire above their heads and down in the walls.
"Alright, Herrmann?"
"Yeah Captain, we're good… There's no one up here."
"Okay, let's head out- Chief," He started as his hand moved back towards his radio. "There's no one upstairs, we're coming out."
"Alright Casey… Severide, how are we looking?" Boden asked as 81 began to navigate their way around the flames to get back downstairs, Casey waiting until all of his firefighters were down the steps before he followed after them. "...Severide?" Boden asked again when he got no response, Casey pausing for a split second before he continued going.
"Yeah, sorry- We're getting him collared, Dawson's working as fast as she can… The fire's spreading down here, must've gone through the walls." Severide responded, his voice steady and calm despite the situation they were in.
"Hurry up and get out of there as soon as you can… 81, are you almost out?"
"We're coming, Chief." Casey spoke as they got down the stairs, his firefighters already heading straight for the front door. But the Captain stopped, Matt looking through the thick smoke as best he could as he faced the hallway, knowing that maybe ten feet in that direction led to where his wife was. "I think I can get to the basement, should I-"
"Get out of there, Casey." Boden ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument as Casey grimaced slightly. He wasn't one to disobey orders, ever, but right now he felt the overwhelming urge to.
But he did what he could to fight it, because he knew if he disobeyed Boden, not only would he face the consequences, but Gabby would as well. This moment right here, this was exactly why couples typically weren't allowed in the same house, and Matt knew he couldn't push his luck by going against the Chief. So, begrudgingly, he hurried outside, the firefighter ripping his mask off once he was far enough away and turning back towards the burning home.
"Severide." Chief barked through the radio once more, Casey swallowing the thick lump in his throat as he stared at the front door, the smoke billowing out not exactly comforting as he held his mask tightly in his hands, ready to go back in at a moment's notice if needed.
"Got em! Cruz and Capp are heading up right now with him." Severide replied, his voice somewhat static-y through the radio as Matt glanced back towards Boden, the older man giving him a slight nod.
"Good… Don't waste any time. Get out of there, Severide."
"We're coming- Dawson, come on, we can't- Dawson!"
The line suddenly went dead, Boden's eyes widening when he saw the intense smoke pouring out from the burning home, and before anyone could even react, the building flashed over, sending shards of glass raining to the ground as the flames continued to reach the sky, leaving the first responders trapped inside.
Casey's entire body tensed in anger as he stomped his way through the bunkroom, his narrow eyes focused on his office as he got to the small room as quickly as he could, before slamming the door shut behind him. The force of it nearly rattled the walls, but he didn't care as his entire body felt like it was on fire, his previous conversation with Severide repeating over and over in his mind as he paced the small confines of his office.
He didn't know what Kelly's problem was, or why he was so set on pushing him so hard, but he needed to stop. They all just needed to stop.
They needed to stop checking in on him, they needed to stop trying to make him feel better, they needed to stop doing all of it. Because it didn't matter. None of it mattered anymore. And they needed to stop pretending like it did.
It wasn't helping anything, and it sure as hell wasn't helping him. Everyone constantly trying to make him feel better, everyone trying to help him move past this, none of it helped him. Nothing could help him. And he just wanted it to stop… He wanted everything to stop.
His quick steps continued as he forced himself to take deeper breaths, Casey's hand coming up to rest over the silver band hanging around his neck. He could feel the outline of it through his shirt as it rested against his chest, the feel of it already beginning to give him a little bit of comfort as he felt himself calming down. And the longer he held onto it, the better he began to feel, that small piece of jewelry proving to act as a security blanket in times he needed it to.
And after a few minutes, he wasn't holding onto so much of that anger anymore, Matt breathing in deeply before he took a step closer to his desk. But as he got closer, his eyes moved directly towards the framed photo sitting in front of the wall; the same photo that had been there for years. The one of his girl, the bright smile on her face filling him with a warmth he couldn't explain, while simultaneously causing his heart to drop into his stomach. Whereas the sight of his wife used to do nothing but make him the happiest man on this earth, now there was a black cloud that hung over him each time he was reminded of her, an overwhelming sense of dread that flooded his body whenever he was confronted with his new reality.
And it was something he would probably never get used to, the man's eyes falling closed as he had to force himself to look away from the picture.
Casey nearly stumbled back to the ground as the building flashed over, the loud bang causing them all to stop for a split second as smoke continued flooding up into the sky. When he gathered his bearings, Matt looked with wide eyes towards the home, his heart beginning to pound in his chest as the flames rose higher and higher, the man knowing his wife was still stuck inside that building.
"Gabby…" He breathed out, his entire body tense before he moved to put his mask on without another thought.
"Severide! Dawson!" Boden yelled into the radio as he took a step closer to the building. "Cruz! Anyone, report! Severide- Casey, don't-" He shouted at his Captain that ran towards the building, but he knew his words would do nothing to stop him as Casey disappeared into the smoke.
The second he got inside the building, he began to feel his way around, the smoke much worse than it had been when he was last inside this house just minutes ago, Matt making his way towards the hallway. "Gabby! Severide!" He yelled, as he was unsure of how far they'd made it out of the basement, if they'd made it out at all.
But when he got close to the kitchen, he made out the sight of two firefighters hunched on the ground, Matt hearing a few coughs through the sounds of flames around them as he got closer. And within seconds, he saw it to be Cruz and Capp on the ground, their victim lying unconscious on the backboard as they tried to catch their breath, the force of the explosion clearly having knocked them down.
"Cruz! Are you alright?" Casey asked loudly, the man looking up before he gave him a nod, Matt nearly able to feel the fire surrounding them.
"Yeah, yeah… we're fine-" He coughed out as Matt helped him up off the ground, Capp lifting himself up as well. "Severide and Dawson are still down there." He told him, Casey forcing himself to keep his cool before he nodded.
"Are you okay to get out of here?" He questioned, earning nods from both the firefighters before they leaned down to pick up the backboard, Matt getting out of the way. "Alright- Chief, Cruz and Capp are coming out with the victim, I'm going to get Dawson." He spoke through the radio as he continued towards the back of the house.
"Casey, wait-"
Matt tuned him out as he got to the kitchen, the Captain looking around before he found the stairs leading towards the basement, smoking filtering up the steps as Casey began to carefully walk down them.
"Gabby! Gabby!" He yelled as he got closer to the bottom of the steps.
"Casey!" Severide yelled back, Matt's ears perking up as he got on solid ground, it not taking long to find his wife and his friend. But the state he found them in wasn't comforting. Even through the haze and the smoke, Casey could tell that Gabby was lying on the floor, that she wasn't moving. And the sight made him nauseous. "I- I tried to grab her, but it all happened so fast, I-" He rambled out, Casey running over to them and dropping to his knees beside her.
He looked over her for a moment, Matt seeing that the gear she'd put on before coming into the burning house was still intact, which made him feel a little bit better. But the fact that she had yet woken up was more than concerning, Casey pushing down his fear as much as he could as he grabbed onto her.
"Gabby! Gabby, baby, can you hear me?" He all but shouted, but she gave no response, the man shaking her gently to try and get any sign of consciousness from her.
But he got none.
"We gotta get her out of here, man." Kelly spoke frantically, Matt forcing himself to focus before he nodded in agreement, the two men carefully beginning to lift her up off the ground. Despite the debilitating sense of worry flooding through him, Casey knew he couldn't deal with that right now; Gabby needed him to do his job. He had to be a firefighter first and a husband second, and the best thing he could do for her right now was get her out of here.
With Severide's help, Casey managed to get up off the ground and support her weight in his arms, Kelly releasing a few painful groans as his body moved for the first time after being thrown across the room. "You got her?" Severide asked as Matt was carrying all her weight, one of his arms supported behind her back, while the other held her under her knees, Casey nodding once more before looking towards the steps.
"I got her, let's go." He replied roughly as it got hotter and hotter around them, the smoke only getting worse as more flames began to come through the walls. They had minutes left, at best, to get out of here, and with the state Gabby was in, he refused to take any risk.
"Chief, we're coming out," Severide spoke into his radio as he climbed the stairs, Matt following carefully behind him. "Dawson's unconscious, we need Brett to meet us right outside." He instructed as he was steps ahead of Casey, the Captain having to move slower than normal as he didn't want to risk hurting his wife further.
Though he was holding onto her as securely as he could, he was still worried about her head, Matt doing what he could to not jostle her too much as her mask-covered face was resting against his chest, his arms beginning to feel the effects of carrying her dead weight up the steps. But he didn't care about him, Matt finally reaching the main floor before following Severide back towards the door, the smoke nearly impossible to see through as they followed the daylight.
"I got you, we're gonna get you out of here." He murmured, though he knew even if she was conscious, she wouldn't have been able to hear him. But he felt the need to say it regardless, the firefighters getting to the front door within seconds before nearly stumbling outside. "Brett!" He yelled the second he saw the sun, Matt navigating the few steps down to the sidewalk as he focused on getting her to the gurney as safely as he could.
"I'm right here, how is she?" She asked as Matt placed her down on the bed, her body falling limply onto the gurney as Casey relinquished his hold on her. And the second his arms were free, he ripped his mask off and threw it down into the grass without a care in the world, his helmet following as his eyes moved over her.
"I don't know… She was breathing, but she never regained consciousness. I don't know if she hit her head, or what happened." Casey breathed out as Brett began to work on her, Matt's eyes never leaving her form before he gently removed the mask from her head, the husband grimacing when he saw the slightest bit of blood coming from a cut just below her hairline.
"We got thrown backwards when it flashed over." Severide spoke as he caught his breath, Brett checking her breathing as Gabby lay motionless on the bed. "But I- I wasn't able to get her in time, I tried, I…"
"Severide, it's alright." Boden spoke as he pulled the Lieutenant away from the gurney. "It's fine, Dawson will be fine." He assured him, Casey barely paying attention to much of anything going on around him as his one and only concern was Gabby, and figuring out what was wrong with her.
"C'mon baby." He murmured as he looked her over, Matt not seeing anything visibly wrong with her aside from the cut on her head. "Open your eyes for me, c'mon Gabby." He kept repeating his words as he forced himself to keep it together, the tears in his eyes getting thicker as he rubbed his fist over her sternum, doing anything he could to try and get her to wake up.
And just as he was about to stop and insist they get her to med, Gabby jolted awake, the woman trying to sit up instantly as her eyes darted around, Matt sensing her nervousness as he could tell she didn't even know where she was. She was sucking in air quickly, like she was trying to catch her breath, before she started coughing roughly, the movement jarring her body as Casey jumped into action.
"Hey, hey- it's alright." He soothed as he placed his hands on her shoulders, Matt doing what he could to focus on helping her, despite the fact he felt like he could cry from relief at the fact that she had woken up. "It's alright, everything's okay." He told her, Matt clearing his throat as a single tear escaped down the side of his cheek, Gabby blinking quickly before she locked gazes with him, his warm blue eyes calming her instantly, just as they always had. "You're okay." He told her once more, Gabby nodding as she slowly started to regain a sense of what was going on around her.
And as she laid down on that gurney, he could see the exact moment she remembered where they were, and what they had been doing, her eyes bouncing around once more before landing back on her husband. "Where's Kelly? Is he okay?" She questioned, Casey giving her a watery smile before he nodded, the husband rubbing his hand gently over the top of her head.
"He's fine, he's good. He's right over there." Casey assured her, Gabby drawing in a deep breath before she nodded, her gaze moving up to the sky. "Do you remember what happened?" He questioned, Gabby sucking in another deep breath before she nodded, her eyes flickering back and forth between Brett and Matt.
"We were down in the basement, helping that man… And Cruz and Capp had just gotten him upstairs when it flashed over. I remember Severide yelling, then it's kind of hazy." She admitted, Matt giving her an understanding nod as he was slowly calming down as well now that he knew she was alright.
"Yeah, that's understandable. But- Hey, hey, don't get up."
"I'm fine." She countered as she slowly sat up on the gurney, Matt reaching out to help her sore body move as it was clear she wasn't going to stop, Gabby already feeling some of the effects of being thrown across a room.
"Dawson, just take it easy." Brett tried as well, though both first responders knew it pointless to try and get the brunette paramedic to slow down.
"I'm okay, I just need to catch my breath for a minute, but I'm fine." She repeated, her eyes staying locked on her husband's. And as they did, she could see just how much she'd scared him. Without him even saying a word, she knew exactly how he was feeling in this moment, how there was still a lingering bit of fear in his system after what had just happened. And she couldn't say she blamed him, Gabby knowing it was often her on the other side of this type of thing. But even though she understood why he was so worried, she still hated the fact that she'd caused this, that she'd worried him this much as she reached out to grab a hold of his coat-covered arm, Gabby giving it as firm of a squeeze as she could muster. "I'm okay." She repeated gently, those words just for him as she saw a few unshed tears still sitting in his eyes.
Nodding slowly, Matt gave her a weak, watery smile as he lifted his hand up to cradle the side of her head, his gloved hand stroking her skin softly as the couple took a moment for themselves, regardless of the chaos going on around them. But it was soon interrupted as Boden stepped forward, the Chief looking over Dawson for a moment before glancing at Brett.
"How is she looking?"
"As far as I can tell, fine… I haven't gotten to look at her head yet, though." She replied, Matt's eyes moving up towards the cut across her skin.
"Alright… Ambo 91 has the victim taken care of, you get Dawson to the hospital." He spoke, Matt glancing back towards him as Gabby looked that way as well, the paramedic immediately shaking her head.
"Chief, I'm fine, I don't-"
"It's non-negotiable." He cut her off, his stern voice leaving no room for argument, Gabby drawing in a deep breath. "You got thrown around a room, and were unconscious. You need to get checked out." He continued, Dawson swallowing thickly before she nodded, Casey giving him a nod as well as the Captain was grateful for Boden's insistence. One way or another, Matt was gonna make sure Gabby got to the hospital, he just was glad Boden had made her as she would've put up much more of a fight with him.
"Alright Chief." She replied, Boden nodding before he looked to Casey.
"Let's get your head covered then we can go, Dawson." Brett spoke as she walked around the gurney to stand in front of her, Matt taking a step back to get out of the way. But he didn't go far, his hand staying firmly placed on her arm as he met Boden's gaze.
Before he could even say a word, the older man nodded, like he knew exactly what was going on inside his Captain's head. "Go to med with her, Herrmann will be in charge until you get back."
Casey released a grateful breath before he nodded, his hand involuntarily giving Gabby's arm a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Chief." He replied, Boden giving him one last quick nod before he walked away to focus back on the task at hand.
The next few minutes went by in a blur, Matt focused on nothing but his wife as Brett finished covering the gash on her head, before they all headed for the ambo. At Gabby's insistence, she walked on her own, but that didn't stop Matt from keeping an arm around her while they moved, the pair waiting until Brett got the gurney loaded into the back of the rig before they climbed in. As she shut the back doors, Matt and Gabby got situated on the bed, the woman instinctively leaning into his side as they waited to get moving. With his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he did his part to keep her close, Gabby glancing up towards him as her hand rested over his leg.
"Well… so much for an easy day." She spoke with a soft smile, Casey releasing a dry chuckle before he shook his head, the husband leaning down to press a gentle, lingering kiss against her forehead, being mindful of the bandage resting there as he did what he could to let go of the fear he felt at how close he came to losing his everything.
Casey kept his head hung to the ground as he made his way through the firehouse, his hands shoved into his pockets as he made himself as unapproachable as possible, the man not wanting to invite any conversation as the only reason he was even going the common room in the first place was because he needed to eat. He didn't want to, he didn't feel like eating at all, but as he was sitting in his office moments prior and felt an intense wave of dizziness wash over him, he knew he needed to eat something. Especially considering he couldn't necessarily remember the last time he ate actual food, the slight numbness in his limbs just another reminder of how long his body had gone without getting any fuel.
So he was going to the kitchen purely out of necessity, Casey silently praying that most of the firehouse would've dispersed to other areas by now. They'd had lunch well over an hour ago, as that was when Herrmann had come to his office trying to get him to eat, but he never went, Casey not wanting to sit in that room with everyone while they just tried to pretend like everything was normal. In fact, that was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, so he waited it out for as long as he could, and all he could do now was hope that at least some of second shifts first responders had gone somewhere else.
But when he walked into the room through the conference room door, he quickly found that not to be the case, as practically every single one of his coworkers was still in here from what he could tell. From his quick glance, they mostly just appeared to be sitting around and talking, though most of that halted when they noticed his presence. But he simply ignored it, as he wasn't planning on staying in here for long anyway, the man going straight towards the kitchen to find that whatever casserole type dish they'd had for lunch was still sitting out on the counter. And despite the fact that it didn't look appetizing to him at all, he knew nothing would, Matt quickly spooning a small serving into the last clean bowl sitting out before he grabbed a fork and headed back towards the exit.
"You wanna heat that up, Casey?" Severide asked from the small circular table, as Casey passed him without so much as even looking his way.
"I'm fine." He grunted before disappearing into the conference room, everyone certain that the Captain was heading straight back to his office.
Blowing out a sharp sigh, Kelly pushed his chair back before he stood up, the man roughly grabbing his own bowl and heading back to the kitchen, before harshly dropping it into the sink.
"Kelly…" Stella tried as his movements gained the attention of the entire room, Severide shaking his head.
"What?" He asked, his frustration evident as all the eyes in the room were on him, Severide's gaze moving around before landing back on his girlfriend. "You guys can't seriously sit there and tell me that doesn't concern you, too?" He questioned, though his words were more rhetorical as he gestured over towards the door Casey had just gone through.
"Of course it does, Severide." Herrmann replied, the Lieutenant blowing out a sharp breath between his teeth. "Everyone here is worried about him."
"We all wish there was something we could do, Kelly." Kidd added, the woman knowing better than most just how much her boyfriend was struggling with what was happening to his friend. "But Casey, he- He needs time. That's all we can do for him right now, is give him time to work through this-"
"It's been over two months." He cut in roughly, Severide shaking his head as he looked around, the man catching Boden's gaze. "It's been two months, and he's not handling this any better than he was when it happened. If anything, he's worse. And I can't just sit by and watch him do this to himself." He countered, everyone watching the distraught Lieutenant as he stood behind the counter. "I can't do it anymore, I've done it since the day it happened and I can't anymore. He's killing himself, and we can't just sit back and let it happen… We're losing him."
"Severide-"
"We've already lost him." He repeated as he refused to let Cruz get a word in, his tone harsh as his eyes narrowed. "We lost him the second Gabby-" Kelly had to stop himself, his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth as he couldn't bring himself to say the words, the man shaking his head before he looked back to Boden. "We've lost him, and I don't think we're ever gonna get him back." He finished sadly, the room going quiet for a few seconds as they digested what he was saying, the only sound to be heard coming from the soft murmur of the television. That being until the Chief finally spoke up.
"Severide, I know you're worried about him, with good reason. We all see it, we see what's going on," He started, Boden speaking as firmly as possible as everyone listened to their Chief. "But it's not our place to tell him how to deal with this… We got him back to work, that's the first step. And all we can do now is be there for him, and support him the best we can, until he's ready to get past this… He'll get there, he just needs time."
No more words could be said before the bells rang out above them, their conversation being put on hold as the entire house was needed at a warehouse fire. Knowing there was no more to be said right now, the house began to filter out into the garage as quickly as they could, Severide and Boden being the last few out of the room. But before they got to the double doors, movement further down the hallway caught their attention as they saw Casey for a split second, the man walking out into the garage just as Boden and Severide did. And it was like every time he saw him, Severide's fears for his best friend just came right back up to the surface, and he couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't more worried about what was going on right in front of them.
Across the garage, Casey drudged his way over to 81, the firefighter feeling as if he had to force his feet to take every step. He hadn't really had time to eat, at least not more than a few bites, but he didn't have time to worry about that now as there were people who needed help. All he could do was hope his tired body wouldn't give out on him, and he could get something to eat when they got back to the firehouse.
Within seconds, all the first responders of 51 were geared up and ready to go, Casey pulling himself up into his seat before shutting the door and pounding his hand against the metal. "81, lets go." He barked before Otis pulled out of the garage, the firetruck leading the way as they peeled out of the driveway and down the road.
Drawing in a deep breath, Casey did what he could to get himself prepared for the call ahead. Though they weren't entirely sure what they were walking into, the Captain knew how unpredictable these types of calls could be, so he did his best to get his mind focused. But as they drove down the road towards their call, Matt couldn't help but notice what street they were currently on, the man instantly feeling a pressure deep within his chest as they drove through that intersection. The same pressure he felt every time he drove on this road over the last two months, Matt unable to stop his mind racing as he had to force himself to breathe.
Casey kept his eyes on Gabby as they walked out of the firehouse, his hand clasped firmly in hers as they were finally leaving after their long shift. Even after the close call they'd had yesterday, which was accompanied by them spending the better part of the day at the hospital, they hadn't had a much easier night either as both 81 and ambulance 61 were slammed with calls up until shift change this morning. And after yesterday, that was about the worst case scenario for them, as Casey wasn't able to keep an eye on her nearly as much as he would have wanted.
"Go ahead and ask."
Her voice pulled him from his thoughts as they were about halfway down the driveway, Gabby glancing towards him with raised eyebrows while a sheepish look covered his face, the couple coming to stop as their hands were still intertwined. "What?"
"You wanna ask me how I am again, so go ahead." She repeated, her head cocked to the side slightly as Matt ran his tongue along his bottom lip, the husband feeling the slightest bit called out as she knew exactly what had been going on in his head.
"...How are you feeling?" He asked as his eyes moved towards the bandage covering the cut on her forehead, Gabby waiting until he met her gaze before responding.
"Since you asked me twenty minutes ago? Fine." She replied without missing a beat, Matt shaking his head lightly as she gave his hand a squeeze.
He knew he'd been overbearing, at least in the few moments they had been together since yesterday. But after how terrified he'd been since that call, he didn't bother trying to hide it as he knew yesterday had been hard on the both of them. Even though Matt had been there with her the entire time in the hospital, and was there after every scan and every test they'd run her on, and he had heard Dr. Rhodes say over and over again that she was fine, it hadn't seemed to stick. At least not yet. Not when he knew she was feeling a little rougher than she'd ever tell him, Matt able to tell from her demeanor alone that she still felt sore, and just didn't feel too great.
"Well, I only keep asking because you keep lying to me." He countered, Gabby narrowing her eyes slightly as an unimpressed look covered her face, Matt shrugging in response as he ran his thumb along the back of her hand.
"Baby, I'm not lying, I feel fine." She told him again, Casey eyeing her for a second as his gaze traced over her, like he was trying to figure out if he believed her or not. Though by the look on his face, she could tell he didn't.
"I don't know…" He murmured, the playful tone in his voice causing her to smile softly. Despite the fact she knew he was worried, she appreciated him at least trying to not focus on this too much as she ran her tongue along the inside of her cheek.
"What will it take for you to believe me?" She questioned, her nose scrunching up slightly as she waited for his answer.
"Hmm… Maybe we should take a bath when we get home, and I can think about it." He suggested, that familiar unimpressed look returning to her face as she scoffed lightly.
"And how is that supposed to make you believe I'm alright, exactly?" She questioned back quickly, Matt giving her another shrug before he continued walking down the driveway, the man pulling her with him as their hands were still interlocked.
"Well, it will give me a closer look at any injuries you might have." He replied shamelessly, Gabby shaking her head as she was unable to fight off the smile that formed over her face. "And it would also help with how sore I know you're feeling right now." He added, Dawson pursing her lips together before she gave him a slight nod, their steps slowing as they got to the end of the driveway.
"Fine, we can do that." She gave in, not missing the proud look that covered her husband's face. "But really, you need to believe me when I tell you I'm okay." She repeated, Casey glancing up to her as they came to a stop on the sidewalk. "I would tell you if something was wrong… You don't need to worry so much." She told him, Matt drawing in a deep breath as his grin faltered, Gabby catching a flicker of something in his eyes that she couldn't quite read. "...What is it?" She questioned, her words earning nothing more than a pause from him for a few seconds, before he eventually responded.
"...You really scared me yesterday." He breathed out honestly, Gabby's face softening as their eyes locked on one another. "And I… When that building flashed over, and you were inside, I thought I'd-" He cut himself off, Matt swallowing the lump forming in his throat before shaking his head. "It scared the hell out of me, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you."
Gabby took a step closer to him, her hand holding onto his tighter while her other one came up to rest over his cheek, Matt instinctively leaning into the warmth of her palm as she drew in a deep breath. "I'm okay." She told him, her words strong as she knew Matt needed to hear them, Gabby waiting until he gave her a nod before she continued. "I promise you, I'm alright… I'm not going anywhere."
He nodded once more, Matt giving her as much of a smile as he could muster as she stroked her fingers over his skin.
"I'm right here." She murmured, Casey breathing in slowly before she leaned in to place a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. The contact made him relax almost instantly, the two staying connected for a few moments before they eventually pulled apart, Matt's worries lessening slightly as he opened his eyes to find her already watching him. "Now, are you ready to go home?" She questioned softly, Matt nodding before he leaned in to steal another quick kiss, Gabby smiling as he pulled back.
"I am… Let's go home."
With their hands still intertwined, the couple walked the last few steps towards Matt's truck before climbing in, both of them ready to just get home and forget about everything else aside from each other for a little bit. Pulling away from the curb, Matt had his hand on Gabby's thigh as he drove down the street, the two sitting in a comfortable silence as he came up to the first stop sign on their drive home.
He paused here for a second, Matt drawing in a deep breath before he turned to look at Gabby, finding his wife's eyes already on him. The bright smile on her face caused him to grin as well, Casey taking the second to appreciate the view while there was no one waiting behind them, the man reaching out to grab her hand and bring it up to his lips, her smile widening when he placed a kiss over her knuckles.
After placing one last lingering kiss against her skin, he put her hand back down before returning his own hand to her leg, Matt focusing back to the road in front of them as he checked both ways before pulling out into the intersection. But as he began to move forward, he didn't notice the truck coming towards them from the road beside them, the vehicle moving at a speed that was way too fast for the road they were on as Casey continued into the street.
It wasn't until Gabby turned to look that either of them noticed, but by then it was too late, as Matt had no time to react as the truck blew through the stop sign and came straight towards them. And within a second, the oncoming vehicle slammed into the passenger side of Casey's truck, the force sending them skidding across the pavement before the truck flipped onto its side, Matt registering nothing but the sound of metal on metal along with what sounded like Gabby's scream before his entire world went black.
"Captain!"
Casey found himself looking out the window of the rig, his mind foggy as he took in his new surroundings, Matt snapping out of his headspace when he registered the burning building in front of him. Turning towards the voice, he saw Otis standing down on the ground out of the rig, Casey just now noticing that everyone else was already outside.
"You okay?" Otis asked him, Matt nodding before he pushed his door open and climbed down onto the ground, Casey shaking his head slightly to try and clear his mind before he hurried over to Boden and waited for orders.
From his view of the building alone, Casey could tell this was a bad one, like a few others he's been in during his time. But something about this, something felt different, even though he couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was that felt so off. All he knew was that he had a bad feeling about this call, and he couldn't help but think that Boden likely felt it too. But regardless, that didn't matter. What did matter was them getting inside and helping whoever they could.
As the Chief started rattling out orders, Casey waited until he heard where to go before he led his men inside, the chaos of everything around him not doing much to help his nerves about the fire they were walking into. But he pushed all that aside as he led his men into the warehouse, Casey taking them to the area they'd been assigned, while firefighters from multiple different houses were beginning to come in and out of the building, as this was all hands on deck.
"Fire department! Call out!" Casey yelled over the flames, the man flanked by Kidd as the rest of his truck had dispersed to different areas, 81 wanting to cover as much ground as quickly as possible.
"Call out!" Kidd echoed, as the two firefighters did what they could to stay close together, though with the thick smoke around them it was becoming more and more difficult.
"Chief, we got one! We're coming out!" Herrmann's voice filtered through the radio.
"Alright… Everyone else, you've got a minute… We can't risk any longer than that. You help who you can, then you get out." He ordered, Kidd continuing to walk forward while Matt had stayed a few steps back.
"Captain, I don't see anyone!" Kidd called as loudly as she could, Casey giving her a nod as the flames continued to grow higher around them, his own tired body fighting against him as he tried to do his job.
"Yeah, me neither… Let's get out of here." He told her before he reached down to grab his radio. "Chief, Kidd and I are coming out- there's no one here."
"Make it quick, the smokes getting worse out here. Everyone else, I'm calling it. Get out here as quick as you can!"
There were a chorus of replies as Kidd and Casey began to navigate their way to the exit. But as they moved, Casey slowed down when he heard what sounded like someone calling for help, before he stopped entirely to try and listen through the flames. And when he didn't hear anything else at first, he was about to keep going, Casey figuring his exhaustion was causing his mind to play tricks on him. But just as he took another step forward, he heard it again, this time louder as Casey went towards the sound.
If he'd been thinking, he would've stopped Kidd and told her what he was doing, but it didn't even cross his mind as he tried to follow where the sound was coming from. He wasn't sure how long he searched for; it could've been seconds, it could've been minutes, he had no idea. But what he did know was he wasn't leaving this building until he found whoever had been calling for help.
"Casey, Kidd- Where are you?" Boden's voice came through the radio as Casey continued his search, the man pausing for a moment to look around at his new surroundings, finding himself deeper into the warehouse than he realized.
"We're coming out, I see the door- Wait, Casey?" Kidd spoke back, Matt hearing the panic in her voice. "Chief, Casey's not here. He was just behind me."
"Casey!"
"I found someone, Chief." He called back just as he heard what sounded like yelling once more, the man desperately turning towards the noise.
"Casey, get out of there now."
"Captain, I'll come and help, just tell me where-"
"Kidd, get out!" Boden ordered, though Casey wasn't too focused on their conversation as he pushed aside some fallen wood. "Casey, times up, you need to get out now." He repeated once more.
But before Casey could even think of responding, the building roared to life, the man looking up just as fire began to roll over his head, Matt looking around desperately as he tried to figure out what to do. Though he never got the chance, as the flames continued to grow and grow until they finally took over, the pressure around him too great as a ball of fire exploded throughout the room, sending him flying backwards as the last thing he felt was his body colliding with the fiery wall.
Casey's head was killing him, the pounding only getting worse and worse as he slowly came into consciousness. He wasn't sure what was going on, or where he was, all he knew was something felt wrong, his body screaming at him in pain as he registered the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. And as he slowly started to gain more and more of his senses, it was then he heard all the yelling around him, the loud sounds of sirens starting to come closer and closer as he heard the crunching of glass under feet.
"Casey! Casey, can you hear me?"
The voice sounded familiar, Matt wincing as he began to register just how much pain his body was in, the man grimacing as he realized it was Severide calling him. Though he wasn't entirely sure how Kelly was here, as the man was still back at the firehouse and hadn't come home with him or Gabby. But as he finally was able to open his eyes, and he saw the broken glass and smoke all around him, he was starting to realize they weren't at home at all.
His eyes closed abruptly when he felt something wet hit the side of his face, like a drop of rain had fallen down on him. But it felt different, heavier almost. And when he finally looked up to see what it was, he realized it wasn't water at all. It was blood… Gabby's blood.
Her blood was dripping down from one of the multiple cuts he could see littering her still body as she hung in the air above him. And it was then it all hit him, memories of this morning coming rushing back as he remembered what had happened; them leaving the firehouse, them getting into his truck, them stopping at the stop sign. Them pulling out into the road, before another car hit them. It all came rushing back, Matt's confusion quickly turning into fear as he realized the severity of the situation they were in, his truck still on its side as Matt was touching the pavement. And if not for her seatbelt, Gabby would've been God knows where as her body hung there limply.
"Casey! Dawson! Can you hear me, we're gonna get you out? We're coming- Jesus, where is the rig, we need them over here now!" Severide screamed, but Casey wasn't focused on him one bit as tears flooded his eyes at the sight of his wife.
"Gabby… Gabby- Baby, can you hear me?" He questioned as he reached up towards her, an abrupt hiss leaving his lips as pain shot through his shoulder down to his fingertips. But he didn't care, Matt blinking back the tears beginning to form in his eyes as he desperately reached towards her neck, doing all he could to find her pulse. "Baby, baby please- Please, can you hear me? Gabby-"
She still hadn't moved, his tears beginning to escape down his likely battered skin as he couldn't feel any sign of life coming from her severely beaten body. "Goddamitt- Gabby, come on." He cried out as he choked on his breath, Matt hearing movement in front of the car that he didn't so much care about.
"Casey, you're awake! We're coming, man. We're gonna stabilize you and get you out, alright? Everyone's here to help, you'll be fine- Don't move, don't move, we don't know if you hurt anything." Severide tried when he saw Matt reaching up towards Dawson, but Casey wasn't listening as he was desperately searching for her pulse. "Cruz, get the hell over here! We need to get them out, now!"
Casey was barely registering his words as his fingers moved around her neck, his arm extended as far as possible so he could reach her, his frown deepening when he felt how damp her skin was as he was getting a better understanding of just how much blood was on her body. And the realization of how badly she was injured only continued to settle in as he was hit with more droplets of her blood, Matt doing what he could to push all that aside as he searched for her pulse.
He felt like he was losing his mind, like he could cry out of frustration at any second as he hopelessly searched for the sign that she was still here, that she hadn't left him. But he couldn't find it, no matter how hard he was trying, he couldn't find a pulse.
Not until he suddenly felt it underneath his fingertips.
It was faint, and at first in his hazed state he couldn't entirely be sure that's what he felt. But then he felt it again, and again, the rapid pulsing underneath telling him she was alive as a heavy, relieved cry escaped his lips.
"Casey? Matt, you okay?"
Severide's voice filtered into the car once more as tears slid down Matt's face, the man overwhelmed by a hundred different emotions while it began to sink in that she was still here with him.
"Matt!"
"I've got a pulse!" He choked out as the chaos around them continued on, all of 51 working on how to best get their family out of this car. "She's- she's alive! I've got a pulse!"
"Thank God." Casey heard Severide mumble, Matt unable to register much else as his entire focus was on his wife. "Casey, how is she?"
"I… I don't know, she's not conscious, she's- she's lost a lot of blood." Matt responded to him directly for the first time as his eyes traced over his wife's limp form as she was still suspended above him. "I don't know-"
"Alright, it's okay. We're about to cut the roof off of your truck and then we're gonna get you both out of there, yeah? We're gonna go as fast as we can."
"Just get her out of here, Severide." Casey bit out as he was starting to slowly feel just how much pain his body was in, but he pushed it all aside as his only priority right now was Gabby.
"We're gonna get you both out of there." Kelly spoke firmly, before the entire house got the work.
The next few minutes went by in a blur, Casey not entirely sure of what all was going on around them as he heard the screeching sound of metal being cut through. They'd covered him and Gabby to the best of their ability, Matt hardly able to see her as he prayed they'd be done soon, the husband wanting nothing more than to get Gabby out of this car.
But soon enough, Matt could hear them rip the roof down, the top of his truck banging down against the pavement just seconds before they pulled the blanket they used to shield them off of them, Casey wincing as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight once more.
"Casey, how are you doing man?" Severide asked now that he was able to be a lot closer to his friends, Kelly finally getting his first good look at their injuries as they were trapped inside the turned vehicle; and he didn't like what he saw.
"I… I-"
He was cut off when he heard a faint groan beside him, Casey's eyes widening as he looked back up towards Gabby, another soft groan leaving her lips as she was seemingly coming into consciousness.
"Gabby…" He breathed out, fresh tears filling his eyes as she slowly began moving her head, another groan escaping her mouth, though this one sounded different; she sounded like she was in pain. "Gabby-"
"Matt…" She whimpered, her eyes clenched shut as she was completely consumed by the discomfort her body was in, even though she wasn't entirely sure what was going on.
"It's okay, we're okay." He was quick to tell her as he quickly reached his arm back up towards her, Casey ignoring every angry muscle in his body as his need to try and comfort her the best he could outweighed everything else.
"Matt-"
"I know, I know. It's okay, we're alright… They're getting us out of here, we're okay." He kept repeating, hoping he was able to calm her at least to some degree as she slowly began to understand more of what was happening, Gabby slowly lifting her hand up to her head where she immediately felt the blood covering her skin. "Don't move, baby. Don't move. They're getting us out, just hold on."
"Matt…" She murmured once more, Gabby wincing as her head lulled down towards him, the woman clearly not able to hold herself up much longer as the seatbelt was the only thing keeping her up.
"Cruz, get the backboard and the c-collar!" Severide ordered.
"Matt." Gabby repeated, her eyes slowly opening as she looked down towards him, Casey seeing nothing but pain and confusion shining back at him. And despite all he wanted to say, Matt couldn't form a coherent thought as they looked at one another, Gabby wincing as she swallowed thickly, the metallic taste of blood running down her throat unwelcome as she tried her best to focus. But it was nearly impossible, as her mind became more and more hazy, Gabby feeling herself slowly beginning to lose the battle against consciousness as her body was fighting for rest. And she was close to giving in.
"Baby…"
"I love you." Gabby whispered just before her eyes slowly fell closed, Casey's eyes widening before he shook his head, everything beginning to feel as if it was almost moving in slow motion as her body was slowly becoming limp once more, even though she was fighting against it.
"Gabby- Gabby, open your eyes." He spoke frantically, tears escaping down his skin as he tried to reach out to her. "Gabby, don't- Dammit, Gabby, open your eyes!" He nearly yelled, though it was useless as she was unresponsive once more, the sight of his wife hanging above him flooding him with dread as Severide moved to put the collar on her. "Gabby!"
"Matt, she's-"
"Get her out, Severide!" He shouted, before rough coughs left his lips, the man's body starting to rebel against him. "Don't worry about me, get her out."
"Casey-"
"Just do it!" He barked before coughing once more, Matt suddenly feeling an intense pressure in his chest as he kept his eyes on his unconscious wife, Severide not putting up any more of a fight as they began working on getting her out.
And though they were moving quickly, it felt like every second took hours, Casey watching each move they made as they strategically removed her from the seat and got her on a backboard, his eyes following as much as he could while he was still trapped against the ground.
"Easy, easy." Kelly instructed as they carefully carried her to the gurney, Matt trying to follow them as she was placed down on the bed, Brett immediately going to work getting her on the monitors while third shift's paramedics helped as well.
"She's still got a pulse, but we gotta get her to med, now." Brett spoke frantically, and within seconds they whisked her away to the ambulance, the last Matt seeing of his wife being her limp, beaten body laying on the gurney as the paramedics did all they could to help her.
"Casey! Casey!" Severide screamed over the intense flames inside the building, the firefighter following his friend's pass alarm to the best of his ability as he continued searching for him.
After the explosion happened minutes prior, Severide didn't hesitate to run back inside after his friend, despite Boden's protests. And the Lieutenant had been followed by Cruz and Tony as well, all the men determined to find their Captain as they navigated through the destroyed warehouse.
"Severide!" Boden's voice came through the radio once more, but Kelly ignored it as he knew exactly what the Chief was wanting; he was wanting them to evacuate the building. But he refused, after all they'd lost recently he refused for Casey to be a part of that, and relaying all of that to Boden would only waste time.
"Casey!" Kelly yelled as the sound of his alarm got closer, his eyes peeled for Matt as they were surrounded by a wall of fire.
"Lieutenant, there!" Cruz shouted before pointing over, Severide's eyes following in that direction until he saw what Joe was showing him.
And the sight made his stomach turn.
"Casey!" He called out as the three men ran towards him, the Captain laying unmoving on the ground covered in flames. The second they got to him, they immediately started patting him down, doing all they could to get the fire out. But even then, they all knew it was bad. They could tell from the second they saw him that he'd been on fire for awhile, and that wasn't a comforting thought at all.
"Chief! Chief, we got him!" Severide shouted through the radio. "He's burned pretty bad, I- I don't know if he's alive. I can't tell if he's breathing."
"Get him out of there, Severide! Now!"
Not needing anymore prompting, the men picked up their friend, all of them carrying whatever part of him they could as they knew they couldn't worry about protecting his injuries right now. They just needed to get him out, and they could deal with the rest later.
"Wait, Lieutenant!" Cruz called over the fire, Kelly looking back to him as they stopped for a moment. "Did you see anyone else?"
"What?"
"Casey said he heard someone." He reminded him, Severide drawing in a deep breath before shaking his head.
"I didn't see anyone, I don't think there's anyone here." He answered, Cruz nodding before they continued on out of the warehouse. The task proved to be more and more difficult with every step they took, Casey's dead weight feeling all the heavier as they all knew he hadn't moved an inch since they found him.
But eventually, they managed to get him out of the building, everyone waiting nervously as they carried their Captain out of the building while Brett and Foster ran over with the gurney. And the second he was on the bed, everyone was able to see just how bad this was, Severide all but ripping his mask off as he got a better look at his friend.
Multiple sections of his gear were burned through, the charred material mixing in with his skin as he laid motionless on the bed, Foster expertly getting his gear open and his shirt cut before getting him on the monitor, while Brett quickly got his mask off.
"Is he alive?" Severide questioned roughly, his voice barely sounding like his own, like he was afraid of his own question as his eyes stayed locked on Casey.
"I- I don't feel a pulse." Brett spoke as Foster continued getting him hooked up. "I can't find one." She continued shakily, Severide feeling as if he was unable to breathe as Brett reached into their bag. "I'm going to intubate."
"Foster." Boden spoke, the man remaining as stoic as possible despite the overwhelming fear he felt in this moment.
"Hold on, I almost-" She stopped herself as she looked at the monitor, her eyes widening slightly before glancing up to the Chief. "I got a rhythm! I got him." She told them quickly, her few words causing all the firefighters around them to release a collective sigh of relief as Brett quickly intubated him. "He's alive, we got him."
"Get him med." Boden ordered, Foster nodding quickly before they finished up what they needed to do before loading him into the back of the ambulance, Emily climbing in with him while Brett ran to the driver's seat, every single member of 51 well aware of just how severe this situation was as they raced to the hospital.
"How much longer?" Brett questioned loudly up towards one of third shift's medics as they drove the rig, the blonde keeping her eyes locked on her battered friend as they hurried through the streets of Chicago.
"One minute." They called back, Brett's eyes moving to the monitor Dawson was attached to before her gaze focused back in on her face, Gabby's near lifeless demeanor unsettling at best as Brett continued pumping air in through the tube down her throat. "We're almost there-"
Just as they finished talking, Gabby's heart monitor began to go haywire, Brett's eyes widening before it completely flatlined, the blonde's heart sinking into her stomach as her partner's heart stopped and never recovered.
"Dammit!" She shouted before she dropped everything and began to give CPR to her friend, her hands clutched together over Gabby's chest as she began to rhythmically move up and down with as much force as she could. "Come on, Gabby- Don't do this." She cried out as she fought to keep her friend alive, Gabby's unconscious body only moving when Sylvie pressed into her chest, the paramedic fighting off the tears in her eyes as she knew she needed to focus. "Gabby, come on- You've gotta fight for me, come on!"
"Brett, we're here!" They shouted from the front, but Sylvie wasn't listening as her only focus was on continuing CPR, the woman alternating between compressions and pumping air into her lungs as the sound of the flatline was almost taunting her.
"Come on Gabby, stay with me… Stay with me." She repeated over and over as her tears finally began to fall, Brett not even noticing the back doors rip open and come inside to help get her out. "Gabby, come on- Come on, Dawson!"
"Brett, we're here- We need to get her inside." The paramedic tried, but Sylvie wasn't listening.
"I need to keep- I've got her, I need to-"
"Brett!" She shouted, the blonde's gaze snapping towards her as she continued administering compressions. "We got her here, we need to get her inside."
Nodding slowly, Brett followed the gurney down out of the ambulance before the stood up on the side of it, Sylvie leaned over the railing so she could continue to give CPR while they hurriedly ran Dawson inside.
"61, what do we got?" Maggie asked.
"It's Dawson!" Brett got out frantically as she continued to push against her chest, Maggie's eyes widening before she immediately guided them to a room.
"Trauma Bay 3, now- Dr. Rhodes!" She shouted across the busy ED, Connor's head snapping up when he heard his name, Maggie hurriedly waving him over before following the gurney into the room, everyone quickly transferring Dawson onto the hospital bed.
"What do we got- Dawson?" Dr. Rhodes asked as he took in the sight of who was laying in front of him, his eyes widening as he looked between Dawson and Brett, it only taking maybe a second before his shock wore off and he got to work. "What happened?"
"Her and Casey were in a car accident outside the firehouse. I didn't see it, but we heard it, a truck hit them going through the intersection. Gabby's side took most of the impact, and she- She woke up for a second, before they got her out, but then she lost consciousness and then in the ambulance she coded, and I- I couldn't' get her back, I tried, I-"
"Brett, we got her." Maggie spoke as Dr. Rhodes was too focused on Dawson, the man hearing all he needed to as they worked on getting her heart started again.
"But I-"
"Brett." Maggie spoke again as she ushered her out of the room, the nurse nearly having to force her to move. "We'll do everything we can for her, you need to stay out here." She told her, Brett blinking back the tears sitting in her eyes before she nodded, Maggie giving her a sympathetic look before she rushed back into Dawson's room.
"Charge to 200," She heard Dr. Rhodes order, their monitors confirming the fact that Gabby's heart still wasn't beating as Brett watched on. "Clear!"
Dawson's body jolted up off the bed, Brett choking on the air in her lungs as she watched them try to save her friend, until they soon pulled the curtain closed, leaving Sylvie feeling so completely helpless as she had no idea what was going on in that room.
And now all she could do was wait, and pray this wasn't the day her best friend would be taken away from her.
"Brett, we need to get him there, now!" Foster shouted from the back of the ambulance as Brett drove recklessly through the streets of Chicago, the PIC gripping the steering wheel even tighter as they got closer and closer to med.
"We're almost there, how is he?"
"He's- he's not good. These burns, they're not- We need to get him to the hospital now!" Foster repeated, Brett hearing an unsteadiness from her new partner she hadn't heard before as she pressed down on the gas.
Within a few more minutes, they got to med, Brett nearly running into the side of the building as she parked the rig as quickly as she could before she jumped out, her feet hitting the pavement before she ran around to the back of the ambulance and pulled the doors open. And the second she did, they got him out of the back, the paramedics running with him towards the doors as they knew he needed help as soon as possible, way more help than they could give him.
"Brett, what do you got?" Maggie asked as she came around the desk, her eyes widening slightly when she saw a firefighter on the gurney. And it only took a second for her to see exactly who it was.
"It's Casey, he got caught in a building during an explosion." Brett explained as they were led to a room, Maggie paging Dr. Rhodes quickly as they began to go through the transfer process. "He's burned pretty bad, and he's been unresponsive this entire time."
"We lost him on the way here, but I got him back… His pulse was pretty weak." Foster added as Casey's burned, limp body was lifted onto the hospital bed, Maggie nodding just as Dr. Rhodes hurried into the room.
And before any words could be said, his gaze moved towards the hospital bed, the look of complete and utter shock forming over his face before he came in and got to work, the doctor ordering for a few more doctors to be paged as he knew this was all hands on deck.
While Dr. Rhodes began to work on the unconscious Captain, Maggie ushered Brett and Foster out of the room, swiftly pulled the curtain closed behind her as she led them back to the nurses station.
"Maggie, he-"
"We've got him, Brett." She spoke, those words feeling eerily similar to ones she'd heard just a couple short months ago. And it wasn't a reassuring feeling as a thick lump formed in her throat. "We'll do everything we can for him, I promise… Dr. Rhodes will do all he can." She spoke as calmly as she could, though everyone was aware of just how awful this situation was. "I'll come and get you when there's an update." She added, Brett feeling Foster grab a hold of her shoulders, like she was clearly trying to lead her back towards the waiting area as Brett gave her a small nod.
"He can't die, Maggie." She spoke firmly, her teary eyes locked on the nurse as she breathed in deeply. "Not after-" Brett stopped herself from saying the words on the tip of her tongue, her eyes falling closed before she began to shake her head.
"You can't let him die."
"Casey, you need to stay on the gurney, man- You were just in a car accident." Severide tried as Matt was wheeled into Chicago med, the man fighting against his friend every step of the way before he eventually shoved Kelly back enough for him to be able to get off the bed.
"Casey-" One of the paramedics tried, but he shot him a look.
"I'm declining treatment, I don't care." He shot as he worked to gain his balance, Matt ignoring the way his entire body was yelling at him in pain. Though he couldn't be entirely sure, he knew he had some damage to his shoulder, along with what had to be dozens of cuts and scrapes covering his body, and there were likely other much more serious injuries that needed to be looked at; but he didn't care. That didn't matter to him, not in the slightest.
But what did matter to him was Gabby, and what was going on with her. He needed to know if she was okay, and right now he didn't. Anything going on with him could wait, right now he just needed to find out where his wife was.
"Casey, I can find out about Gabby, but you need to get looked at." Severide tried again, Casey shaking his head roughly as a sharp, shooting pain coursed through his neck. He was barely listening to his friend at this point, Matt looking around the busy room as he tried to find any familiar face he could to give him information. "Matt, I'm serious. You could have internal injuries, I can talk to the doctors and find out about Gabby, but you-"
"Brett!" Casey called when he saw Gabby's partner standing in the waiting room, the woman unmoving with her arms wrapped around herself, Matt taking off in that direction as quickly as his beaten body would allow, Severide begrudgingly following behind him.
Anyone who took one look at Casey would know that he needed to be checked out, that between the blood covering his clothes and his face, the visible cuts and bruises all over his skin, as well as the slight limp he was walking with; he wasn't okay. And there was likely more wrong with him that couldn't be seen, but Severide knew that no matter how badly he was hurting, until he knew Gabby was okay, there'd be no reasoning with him.
"Brett… Brett, where's Gabby?" Matt asked as he got closer, the paramedics eyes filled with fresh tears as she looked up at the firefighter, the sight not a comforting one at all as he watched her. "Brett… Where is she?" He asked again, his voice nearly betraying him as worry continued to consume him, Brett shaking her head slightly as a few tears slid down her cheeks.
"We… The way here, I-" She tried, Matt overcome with a heavy sense of hopelessness as he tried to keep himself together.
"What happened to her?" He asked again, tears filling his own eyes as he glanced back towards the ED before looking towards Sylvie.
"On the way here, we, uh- We lost her…" She started, Matt immediately stumbling backwards as Severide had to nearly hold him up, Casey shaking his head as Brett opened her mouth to continue, but she couldn't as the firefighter began to speak.
"No… No, no, no." He spoke over and over, tears beginning to escape down his cheeks as he shook his head angrily, Brett immediately speaking up to try and make him feel better. But she knew her next words wouldn't provide much comfort, either.
"I don't know what happened after that, Dr. Rhodes started working on her… But I don't know what's happened, Casey. I'm sorry." She told him, Brett barely getting the words out before Matt took off towards the emergency room, the Captain not even noticing members of 51 flooding into the hospital as he hurried towards the nurses desk.
"Casey, Casey, man- Let me find out what's going on," Severide tried as he followed after him, leaving Brett behind to explain to everyone what was happening. "You need to sit down, I can-"
"Dr. Rhodes!" Casey shouted across the room when he saw the man walk out of a trauma room, Matt all but running towards him as tears were continuing to fall down his cheeks.
"Casey-"
"Where is she?" He asked frantically, Connor drawing in a deep breath as he took in the state of the firefighter in front of him, it quite obvious to him that Matt was in the same accident Gabby had been in. "What happened, is she okay? Where's Gabby? Is she- Is she okay?" His lips were moving faster than his brain, Matt desperately needing to know what was going on as Gabby was somewhere in this hospital.
"We've got her stabilized." Dr. Rhodes spoke first, knowing that was the most pressing information he needed, Matt choking on the air in his lungs before more tears slid down his skin. "She hasn't woken up yet, but we got her back."
"Oh God." He coughed out, Severide gripping his shoulder tightly as he blinked back his own tears, Matt overcome with relief as he brought his hands up to his head.
"I won't lie to you, it was touch and go there for a while… But she came back, and we're gonna start sending her for some tests and scans, now that she's stable."
"Can I see her?" Casey asked as he dropped his arms back down to his sides, Connor seeing just how broken the man was at the idea of him losing Dawson as his red and teary eyes looked so lost.
"Of course, for a minute… She's right in here." He spoke, nodding towards the room he'd just come out of, Matt not even bothering to wait as he moved towards the door and slid it open. While Severide stayed out in the hallway, Matt pulled the curtain back and was immediately met by the sight of his wife lying still in the hospital bed, a rough breath escaping his lips as he took her in.
For as terrifying as seeing her in his truck had been, this was somehow worse, Gabby's body unmoving as all the skin he could see was covered in scratches, cuts, and bruises, the man shaking his head as he slowly limped closer to her hospital bed. She was currently intubated, making it impossible for him to get too close as he carefully leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.
"Hi baby." He breathed out shakily, Matt reaching for her hand and holding it in his while his other came up to rest over the top of her head, Casey not daring to look away from her as Dr. Rhodes came into the room. "Do you.. Is she- How is she doing?" His thoughts were all jumbled, Matt still trying to clear the fog his brain was in after he'd gone through nearly every emotion possible this morning, Dr. Rhodes coming around to stand on the opposite side of the bed while Matt kept his eyes locked on Gabby.
"She's hanging in there." He told him, his vague words not doing much to ease his worries. "She has a few nasty bumps and bruises, and there were some pretty bad cuts," He explained, Matt nodding softly as he'd noticed some of the bandages over her skin. "But right now, we're mostly focused on her heart… Everything that happened today, it took a toll on her. So we're gonna need to keep an eye on her for a while."
"Is that why she isn't waking up?" Matt questioned as he stroked his thumb over the top of her head, the husband doing his best not to focus on the tube coming from her throat.
"We're not sure, but most likely." Connor responded, Casey drawing in a deep breath before he finally looked away from her and towards the doctor. "Her body sustained a lot of trauma, that's why we're gonna take her to run some tests, so we can try and get the complete picture of what all's going on." He explained to him, Matt digesting his words for a moment before he nodded. "From what we were told, it sounded like she took the brunt of the impact,"
Matt winced at his words, his mind immediately going back to what he could remember from the accident. Though, as the morning went on, more and more of it was becoming a blur. But the one thing he'd never forget was the image of Gabby passed out above him.
"She did, yeah… A truck blew through the stop sign, hit us on her side." He explained quietly, Connor nodding softly before he glanced back towards Gabby.
"That's what Brett told us. But yes, until we run some tests, and do a few scans, we won't have any more answers. Her not waking up could be any number of things, or it could just be her body trying to recover… But our scans should give us a better idea."
He nodded slowly before he looked back down towards Gabby, Matt somehow hating the sight of her in this bed even more so this time around as he gave her hand a firm squeeze, the man getting nothing in return.
"We need to go ahead and take her upstairs," Dr. Rhodes continued after a few moments. "But once we're done with our tests, we'll come and get you… Let you stay with her." He said, Matt nodding slowly as he blinked quickly. "And maybe while she's gone, you can get yourself looked at."
"I'm fine."
"Casey-"
"I said I'm fine." He replied roughly, Matt squeezing her hand tighter as a tear slid down his cheek.
Knowing better than to push him right now, Dr. Rhodes merely nodded, the man taking a step away into the hallway for a moment, waving some people in before a few more nurses stepped into the small room, Casey looking up when he felt their presence.
"We're gonna take her now." He explained, Matt breathing in deeply before he nodded, the husband looking back down towards his wife as a small, sad smile formed over his face, his hand still stroking the top of her head as she laid there motionless.
"Alright, they're gonna take you now… But I'll be here when you get back. I'll be there waiting for you, I promise." He told her, Casey pressing another lingering kiss to her forehead, a few of his tears hitting her skin as he fought to keep himself together. "I love you."
With another quick goodbye, Matt forced himself to step away from her bed, knowing that while the last thing he wanted to do right now was be away from her, it was also the best thing he could do for her as he began to walk towards the door. But before he could even make it out into the hallway, he heard her monitors start to go into overdrive, Casey turning around abruptly as the beeping speed up to a terrifyingly fast rate before it cut out all together, Gabby's heart stopping right in front of him as he stood frozen in the doorway.
"Gabby…"
"Dammit, get the paddles." Rhodes yelled as he flattened Gabby's bed, Matt finally regaining some of the feeling in his limbs as he tried to get to her, Casey wanting to do anything he could to help her as his fear took over.
But he barely got two steps before arms wrapped around him, Severide pulling him back away from the bed as they began to work on Gabby.
"Let me go!" He yelled as he fought against his friend, his aching body pushing as hard as he could. But Severide was still able to pull him back, the man all but yanking him out of the room as they worked to keep Dawson alive. "Severide! Let me go, I need to be in there! Gabby, baby!- Let me go!"
"Get him out of here!" Dr. Rhodes shouted, that being the last Severide heard from him as he practically shoved Casey down the hallway, as far away from Dawson's room as he could get him. Though they could still hear the sounds of her monitors going off, Casey fighting against him every step of the way.
"Let me go! Gabby!" He shouted once more, Matt close to throwing a punch as he was desperate to get back to his wife.
"You don't need to be in there." Kelly told him as calmly as he could, Matt shoving his chest forcefully as Severide pushed back, the men ending up far down the hallway away from the commotion. "You don't need to see that, Casey."
"But I need to-"
"They're gonna do all they can to help her," He cut off his friend's desperate pleads, Casey taking a few steps back away from him as he began to pace the hallway. Kelly dropped his guard slightly now that Matt had backed off a bit, the Captain not seeming nearly as combative as he had moments prior as his hands came up to cover his face. "You know they will, but you don't need to see that." He repeated, Casey drawing in a shaky breath before he dropped his hands and looked towards his friend, Severide seeing the look of absolute despair written all over his battered face before he shook his head lightly.
"They have to help her." He croaked out, his voice sounding foreign as Severide's face softened, the heartbroken man in front of him fighting back tears before his hand came up to run over his mouth. "They have to help her, I-I… I can't lose her." He continued unsteadily, Kelly blinking back his tears as Casey's hands began to shake, his usually composed friend slowly losing himself, and Severide had no idea what to say to help him. "I can't… I can't live without her, I can't." He nearly cried, his words getting caught in his throat as fresh tears slid down his cheeks, Severide's heart nearly snapping in half in his chest.
"It's okay." He whispered, Severide reaching out to grasp his shoulder tightly. "It's okay, man… She'll be okay." He spoke, but Casey shook his head, the man angrily ripping himself from Kelly's hold as he took a few more steps backwards to the wall.
"No it's not okay! It's not, I didn't… I should've told her." He bit out, Severide sensing a growing anger in his friend he didn't entirely understand, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing slightly.
"What?"
"I didn't say it back, I didn't tell her I loved her." He continued on, Severide no less confused as he continued to block Matt's path back towards Dawson's room.
"What are you talking about?" He asked again, Matt shaking his head as his jaw bobbed up and down.
"I… I didn't say it back. She told me she loved me, when we were in the car, and I didn't get a chance to say it back." He spoke, his voice a lot less hostile as he ran his hand over the side of his head, Casey feeling himself slowly breaking more and more by the second as the weight of this continued to hit him. "I didn't… I didn't say it back."
"She knows how much you love her, Casey." Severide was quick to assure him, Kelly hating to see Matt like this, but he knew there was only one thing that could make this any better. And it was one thing neither of them had any control over. "You know she does, she's always known. She'd never doubt that."
"But I should've said it!" He fired back, Severide frowning softly as he saw a few tears slide down Casey's face. "I should've told her, I should've made sure I said it because if she-" He cut himself off, his eyes falling closed as he tried to compose himself. But the current situation was making that nearly impossible. "I should've told her."
"She knows." He replied quietly, Matt swallowing the thick lump in his throat as continuous tears slid down his cheeks, Severide giving him as supportive a nod as he could muster. "And you'll get to tell her." He added cautiously, Casey drawing in a deep breath before he nodded, Matt doing what he could to keep himself as calm as possible despite all the unknowns of this situation hanging over his head.
But any attempts he'd made at trying to remain calm went out the window the second he saw Dr. Rhodes come around the corner minutes later, Matt pushing past Kelly immediately as he hurried to the man who had just been in there with Gabby. Before any words were said, Casey tried to get a read on him as he approached, his eyes tracing over his face as Dr. Rhodes drew in a slow, deep breath, his head shaking side to side slightly.
It felt like there was a crushing weight on his chest, tears rolling down his skin as his entire body went numb, his head barely able to form a thought as his entire world crumbled right in front of him. "No- No, please no. No no no."
"Let's go into a room, where we can have more privacy." He tried, but Casey roughly shook his head, Connor sighing softly as Matt fought to stay upright.
"Don't tell me, she- Tell me she's okay." He nearly begged, Dr. Rhodes pausing for a moment as he wished he had better news to tell his friend. But he didn't. "Please tell me she's okay."
"I'm sorry, Casey." He spoke quietly, Matt choking back the sob in his throat as he shook his head, every passing second beginning to feel more and more like a nightmare as his chest continued to tighten.
"No… no."
As Casey had just received the worst news of his life, Severide clenched his jaw together while he too tried to grasp what was happening, but it was like he couldn't. Like the very idea of Gabby Dawson no longer being in this world didn't make any sense to him, and Kelly couldn't come to grips with that. But he knew he'd have to… They all would.
Though no matter how hard it was on them, no one else could even come close to understanding what Casey was feeling right now.
"We did everything we could, but her heart just… It gave out. We couldn't get her back." He told them, his eyes locked on the man who just lost his wife as Casey continued to process what was going on, while Dr. Rhodes knew he had to say the words out loud. Until he did, they wouldn't be real. He'd gone through this enough times to know that. But that didn't make it any easier, especially not like this. "I'm sorry, but she's gone, Matt."
A heavy sob left his throat, Casey's entire body trembling as he nearly fell sideways back into the wall, before he crumpled into a heap on the floor, his limbs giving out on him as his loud cries filled the hallways of the hospital. And that was where he stayed, Casey curled up into himself as he cried. Because that was all he knew to do, there was nothing else to do now that his entire life had been ripped away from him. The only thing he cared about, the one person he truly loved more than anyone else, was gone.
Gabby was gone.
Just like that, out of nowhere, she was gone. And she was never coming back.
Dr. Rhodes looked over the chart in front of him as he stood next to the unconscious man in the hospital, the nurses around him methodically working on covering his burns while they had the moment to do it, as everyone in the room knew it could be any second now before they'd have to stop yet again. Though Connor could only pray that wouldn't be the case, as the reason they'd had to stop so frequently in covering his burns was because the firefighter kept coding.
Since he'd been brought in nearly an hour ago now, it had been touch and go the entire time, the doctors at Chicago med doing all they could to just keep him alive. After he'd coded in the ambulance on the way here, his heart had continued to give out on him over and over again as they tried to help him, making it nearly impossible to make much progress in covering his burns before they had to try and stabilize him again.
But since he was so unstable at the moment, they had no idea what else they were dealing with. Aside from the severity of the burns covering his body, they had no idea what other possible complications Casey had, as they were in no position to be able to move him and take him for scans. Until he could go longer than a few minutes without coding, there was no way they'd be taking him anywhere anytime soon to. But, for many reasons, Dr. Rhodes hoped things would start to look up soon, as Casey's body had been put through the ringer today.
And he wasn't sure how much more his heart could take.
"How is he doing?"
Dr. Rhodes looked up from the tablet in his hands when he heard Maggie's voice, the nurse standing in the doorway as her eyes were locked on the Captain lying in the hospital, likely unaware of what all was happening around him.
"About the same." He responded, Maggie nodding before she took a step further inside the already crowded room.
"Do you have any updates I can give 51?" She asked, Connor pursing his lips together as he looked back down at the chart. "Severide's about to pace a hole through the floor… they're all worried." She added, Dr. Rhodes shaking his head slightly before placing the tablet down.
"Not one any of them are gonna like." He breathed out, Maggie's face falling as she looked back to Casey, the man barely recognizable underneath all the bandages and the breathing tube coming out of his throat.
"What should I tell them?" She asked regretfully, Connor drawing in a deep breath before taking a step away from the bed.
"I'll go and talk to them." He replied softly, Dr. Rhodes running his hand along the side of his face as he moved towards Maggie. "I… I'm not even sure what to tell them, but I know they've been waiting."
"Alright. I'll stay in here, and keep an eye on him." Maggie spoke, Connor nodding as he paused in the doorway, his gaze moving back towards Casey as one of the nurses had just finished bandaging his side. And while Maggie expected him to keep going, he didn't, Dr. Rhodes staying firmly in place as his sad eyes refused to look away from the firefighter. "...What is it?" She eventually asked, Connor sighing heavily before he shook his head.
"I… I can't believe this is happening again." He admitted softly, Maggie's eyes falling closed for a split second as his heavy words hung in the air. "After- After what happened to Dawson, I just- I can't believe this."
"Casey will pull through." Maggie spoke up quickly, though Connor didn't give much of a reaction as they both were aware there was no way to know if that were true. But it felt better for her to say it anyway. "What happened… He'll have a long road ahead of him, but he'll pull through. He's a fighter." She added, Dr. Rhodes finally tearing his focus away from Casey to continue through the door, his next words barely audible as he spoke them underneath his breath.
"Yeah… and so was Dawson."
And though she heard him, Maggie didn't have time to react to what he'd said as Casey's monitors began to go off once more, Connor running back into the room instantly as that all too familiar sound of his heart flatlining rang throughout the room, as every moment after that went by in a blur.
Just as they had each time previous, they began CPR, Casey's lifeless body moving under their actions as they only stopped long enough to shock him, before they continued on religiously. And it went on like this for a few minutes, the doctors and nurses doing all the could for him. But all their efforts were proving useless, as they couldn't get his heart back into rhythm.
"Dammit Casey, come on!" Dr. Rhodes spoke roughly as he continued on with the CPR, the doctor looking up towards the clock to see how long he'd been down as he kept pumping against his chest. "Alright, charge him again."
"Dr. Rhodes-"
"Just do it!" He shouted, the man nodding before they charged him once more. But still, there was no change, Casey's heart unresponsive to everything they were doing to try and get him back. "Again!"
"Doctor, it might-"
"Charge again!" He ordered before they did it once more, Casey's body jolting up off the bed before falling back down, the firefighter still showing no signs of life. "Come on Casey, don't do this." He spoke, his voice hoarse as he continued on with his compressions. "You need to fight for me, we can't lose you too."
"Dr. Rhodes-"
"Just give me a minute!"
"Connor!" Maggie spoke loudly, the woman coming over to place her hand as his arm, the man still moving quickly as he kept up his steady compressions against Casey's chest. Looking up at the clock, her eyes fell closed for a split second, the woman knowing it had been far too long since he coded, them now approaching their tenth minute of trying to resuscitate him. "He's gone." She told him as gently as she could, Maggie blinking back the tears in her eyes as everything slowly started to sink in.
"I…"
"He's gone, Connor." She repeated, her words unsteady as the doctor slowly stopped his compressions before taking a slight step away from the bed, the only sound in the room being heard that of Casey's heart monitor continuously reminding him that he was gone, Matt lying still on the bed as it was clear there was no longer any life left in his body.
He was gone. Despite doing all they could, they'd lost him. They'd lost him the same way they lost Gabby, and they weren't ever getting either of them back.
"...Time of death, 15:32."
Dr. Rhodes stood and watched as the broken man continued to cry, Casey's body shaking as sobs wracked his entire beaten frame, Matt inconsolable as his life was now forever altered. Connor wasn't sure how long he'd been standing here, or how many people had walked by, seeing Casey moments after his entire life was torn apart, and there was nothing he could do to fix it. There was nothing he could do to change what had happened, and his best efforts to at least get Casey somewhere more private had failed as well, as any time anyone went near him, he immediately shoved them off. It was clear he didn't want their comfort, or their help.
And Connor was sure there was only one person Matt did want right now. But she wasn't here.
"Casey…" Severide tried again, the firefighter wiping away his own tears as he tried to console his friend once more. "Come on, man… Let's get you somewhere else." He spoke, but as expected, Casey shoved him off the second he came near him, Matt's loud cries echoing through the hallway. "Matt-"
"Get away from me!"
Those were the first words he'd said since he collapsed to the ground, his voice so hoarse it hardly sounded like his own as he finally lifted his head up from his hands, Severide seeing nothing but a broken man staring up at him as tears continuously slid down his cheeks.
"Casey, I'm just-" Severide stopped himself, as he didn't know what to say right now, his own heart breaking as the weight of this hit him over and over again. "I'm so sorry."
But Matt didn't want his condolences, Casey not caring about any of that right now as he slowly pushed himself up off the ground, his entire body riddled with pain as he moved. He was barely able to get to his feet, the man stumbling as soon as he was up, and had it not been for Severide he likely would've fallen back to the ground. But the second he was steady, or as steady as he could get, he shoved him off, Casey choking on the air in his lungs before he walked towards Dr. Rhodes.
"I want to see her."
Connor's eyes fell closed, the man drawing in a deep breath before he looked back towards Casey, seeing a desperation in his red eyes. "Casey…"
"I need to see her." He repeated, his words getting caught in his throat as they mixed with a sob he was desperately trying to hold back. "I need- I need to see her. Let me see her."
"Casey, I don't know if-"
"I'm seeing her." Casey cut off Kelly's words, the man not willing to take no for an answer. And, despite how hard this was going to be, Dr. Rhodes knew Casey had just lost the most important person in his life; the least he could do for him was to let him see her one last time.
Sparing a quick glance towards Severide, Dr. Rhodes nodded, seeing a few more tears fall from Casey's eyes before he slowly led him back towards her hospital room. Kelly stayed a few steps back, but followed nonetheless, Matt having to remind himself to breathe as they got closer and closer to the room he knew Gabby was in. It felt like his heart had been crushed, Matt having no other way to describe what it felt like in this moment as he was trying to mentally prepare himself for going to see his wife one last time. But there was a part of him that knew there was nothing he could do to make this any easier, as absolutely nothing could prepare him for the worst moment of his life.
"Alright Casey… You can have all the time you need." Dr. Rhodes spoke up once they got outside her room, the drawn curtain hiding her from view as Matt stared straight ahead. "I'm… I'm really sorry. We did all we could for her." He added, but Casey didn't respond, the man not really caring much of what he had to say right now as he focused on the curtain hanging in front of him.
Without another word, Dr. Rhodes walked away, the doctor clasping Matt's shoulder tightly as he passed before he came up to Severide, Connor leading him away from the room as they both knew Casey needed time. And along with that, Dr. Rhodes knew he had a very difficult conversation ahead of him with every member of 51 who was out in the waiting room.
Casey wasn't sure how long he stood there, motionless, but eventually he found the courage to continue forward, Matt swallowing thickly as he pulled the glass door back and walked through. The second he stepped foot in the room, it immediately felt cold, the complete silence only yet another reminder of what was waiting for him behind that curtain as there were no longer any machines beeping, nothing telling him of Gabby's presences in the room. Because she wasn't here, not really. And he was having a hard time stomaching that. With his jaw trembling, Matt took another hesitant step forward, then another, then another, until he got to the edge of the curtain, his limbs feeling heavier with every step as bile rose in his throat.
He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to be here. But he knew he had to. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't see her one last time, though Matt would give anything to not be in this position right now. He'd do anything for the roles to be reversed, for it to be him in that bed and not her. As long as it meant she'd still be here, he didn't care.
But he knew that was impossible. That there was nothing he could do to make this right, and that left him with a terrible feeling in his gut as his eyes fell closed, a few more stray tears escaping down his skin as he knew he couldn't put this off any longer. No matter how much he wanted to.
Drawing in one last unsteady breath, Casey reached out for the curtain and moved it aside enough for him to get around, the husband taking a slight step forward as the hospital bed came into view. And the second it did, an immediate sob left his lips, his chest tightening as he got his first glimpse of her, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision as he continued towards the bed. With every step he took, it was like the sharp, stabbing pain in his heart was pushing deeper and deeper, like every moment was pure agony as his eyes locked on her face. Her beautiful, bruised, pale face; another sob leaving his body as his entire world was lying lifeless in this bed.
She hardly looked like herself, Matt barely able to recognize what had become of his wife as she was not only littered in cuts and scratches, but her body that used to hold so much warmth and life was now cold and unmoving. And it just wasn't her at all, as Casey slowly reached out to hold her hand in his. But the second he did, more tears fell down his skin, the man seeming to never run out of them as it was like all of this hit him all over again.
"God, baby." He choked out, Matt's entire body feeling as if it were about to collapse as he felt a grief he'd never come close to experiencing before. Despite all he'd lost, and everything he'd gone through in his life, nothing felt quite like this. Nothing came close to the pain he was feeling in this moment, as another wave of despair coursed through him. "I- I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He cried, though his words didn't feel like they were enough. Because they weren't. His sorries meant nothing, not when he was here, and Gabby wasn't. "I… It was supposed to be me," His voice was barely audible as his words were getting washed out by his sobs. "I was supposed to go first, it should've been me. I'm so sorry."
It was getting harder for him to breathe as sobs wracked his body, Matt holding onto her as tightly as he could as he leaned his head down to rest beside hers, her body already feeling a bit colder than it normally would as she laid still beneath him. "I'm so, so sorry… Please come back to me, I'm sorry."
His cries likely could be heard throughout the entire floor, Matt staying as close to her as he possibly could as his heart felt as if it was continuously shattering in his chest, the limpness of Gabby's hand in his flooding him with overwhelming misery as he knew this was the end.
He'd never see her again. He'd never get to hold her again, or be held by her again. He'd never get to hear her laugh, to watch her smile, or annoy her endlessly. He'd never get to help her when she struggled, or hold her while she cried. To be there for her on her bad days, and make her good ones better. To hear her say 'I love you', or to tell her that himself. He'd never hug her, or kiss her, or have her close to him ever again. He'd have nothing.
After this, there was nothing. He had nothing. Because she was his everything, and now she was gone.
"I love you." He choked out in between breaths, his body shaking uncontrollably as he held onto her as tight as he could, Matt turning his head to press a soft kiss to the side of hers as his tears fell down onto her skin. "I love you, I love you so much." He repeated over and over, his shaky voice filling the room as he slowly lifted himself back up, his eyes looking over her pale face, the sight causing another sob to escape from the back of his throat. "I love you… I will always love you."
When those words left his lips, he heard rustling from behind him, Matt sucking in a deep breath as he slowly looked back to find Antonio standing just inside the curtain. From first glance alone, the man looked as defeated as Matt had ever seen him, his eyes locked on his sister before he looked at Casey, both men crying as they looked at one another.
"I… I'm so sorry." He repeated again, Antonio doing what he could to hold his sobs in as he slowly walked over to Casey, Matt shaking his head quickly as more and more tears slid down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Antonio. I'm so sorry, I should've- I'm sorry."
The man broke down, Antonio quickly wrapping his arms around him before he crashed to the floor, Casey's one hand still firmly holding Gabby's as his other held onto Antonio, neither of them able to completely understand why this had happened as they continued to cry. There was nothing that could explain this, nothing to lift this heavy weight off of both of them as they kept holding onto each other as tightly as they could, both men knowing their lives would never be the same from this day forward.
Connor drew in a deep breath as he stood just outside the waiting room, his eyes focused on the large group standing off the side, all of them huddled together as they waited for any news on their Captain. And as he stood there, he couldn't shake the all too familiar feeling of how he'd had to give this talk barely two months ago, how he'd had to walk into this waiting room and forever alter the lives of first responders who had seen too much death already. The feelings were eerily similar, and after giving them awful news once already, he'd now have to do that again. But he didn't know how.
Biting down on the inside of his cheek, Dr. Rhodes forced himself to move forward, the doctor slowly walking towards the firefighters and paramedics from 51 as they sat quietly. And it wasn't until Severide slowed his pacing that he saw Connor coming up to them, the man stopping in his tracks.
"How is he?" Severide asked quickly, his words gaining everyone's attention as they all looked to Dr. Rhodes. Some of them stood up, while others remained seated, all of them wanting an update on their beloved Captain.
He just wished he had better news to share.
"Doctor?" Boden asked when he had yet to say anything, his prolonged silence already telling them what had happened, the last thing any of them wanted to hear.
"When… When Casey was brought in, he had severe burns, over most of his body. And his heart kept giving out on him, it took everything we had to try and stabilize him, but his body sustained too much trauma." He spoke as clearly as he could, seeing as it slowly began to sink in for the members of 51 what exactly had happened. It took some longer than others, but by the varying degrees of devastation he saw on all their faces, he knew they understood. But he still needed to say the words anyway, just as he had two months ago. "I'm so sorry, but Casey didn't make it."
Severide's entire body felt numb, the man stumbling backwards a few steps as he tried to process what he had just heard. A few of his friends started crying around him, while others sat there silently, everyone reacting differently to the news they never wanted to get. But Kelly, he just stood there. He stood there, trying to stay stoic as it slowly began to hit him how his friend was gone. How another friend was gone. And then suddenly, he couldn't keep it together anymore, his limbs giving out as he broke down, Kelly collapsing to the ground as his silent sobs shook his entire body.
His friend- his best friend was gone… Again. He'd lost yet another person in his life, out of nowhere, and Severide wasn't sure how to come to terms with that.
Severide ripped the keys from the ignition as he sat in his car, his body feeling heavy as he looked out through his window, the quiet cemetery feeling overwhelmingly eerie as he bit down on the inside of his cheek. And while he didn't want to be here, he knew he needed to; he needed to come here, and visit his friend. And after some extra pushing and encouraging from Stella, he'd finally made it.
While his girlfriend offered to come with him, he decided against it, Severide knowing that, for the first time at least, this was something he needed to do alone. To come and see where his friend was buried, where both his friends were buried now, for the first time since Casey's funeral nearly three weeks ago, as Severide released a heavy sigh before forcing himself to get out of his car.
He'd been here a few times over the last few months, though not as often as Dawson probably deserved, but he'd come here from time to time to see Gabby. To visit her, and to try and get a little extra guidance when things with Casey had been bad. Though he wasn't even sure if he believed in any of that stuff, if Gabby could hear him or even knew he'd been here; but when he was struggling with Casey, his beliefs didn't seem to matter. Coming here had helped him, holding onto the belief that she could hear him helped him feel better, and he could only pray that it helped now.
But as he got closer to their gravestones, his steps slowed down when he saw the back of the man he'd recognize anywhere, Kelly coming to a near stop maybe ten feet from him. He wasn't sure what to do, if he should leave and come back later or if he should make his presence known. But before he had the chance to decide, it was as if the man sensed him, Boden turning around to face him before he nodded him over.
Sighing softly, Kelly slowly walked towards him, his hand gripping the bouquet of flowers in his grasp tightly as he came to a stop beside his Chief, his eyes moving back and forth between his friends' names on each of their headstones. And as he stood here looking at them side by side, he couldn't help but release a shaky breath, Boden reaching out to grip his shoulder comfortingly as they both looked on at their fallen friends.
"I… This is the first time I've been here." Severide spoke up, as he wasn't sure of what to say, Boden giving him an understanding nod as he dropped his arm back down to his side.
"I've been here a few times, since the funeral… But it still just doesn't seem real." He breathed out, Severide sucking in a sharp breath before he nodded. "I know we go into work every day, and we see their photos on the wall, but it still just… Sometimes it feels like a dream."
"I know what you mean." Severide agreed sadly, Boden nodding once more. "I, uh- I talked to Antonio, before I came here," He started, the older man glancing towards him. "Asked if he wanted to come… He said he couldn't." He continued as the Chief understood the true meaning of his words. "I guess him, and his parents especially, they're not… They're taking it really hard. All of it."
"Well, no one can blame them… They lost two members of their family." Boden spoke softly, Severide biting down on the inside of his cheek roughly. "And the Dawson's… they lost their daughter and then someone who was practically their son, I can't imagine any of that is easy on them."
"Yeah." Severide murmured.
"And I know it's not easy on any of us… Our firehouse family, we've experienced a lot of losses. But these two, I don't know… To lose Dawson, then Casey so soon after-"
"We lost Casey the moment we lost Dawson." Severide cut him off, Boden stopping mid-sentence as he looked towards his Lieutenant, while Kelly's eyes stayed focused on Matt's grave.
"Severide…"
"I meant it when I said it the day he-" He stopped himself, Severide shaking his head slightly. "… He didn't know how to live without her, Chief... And I don't think he wanted to." He continued on shakily, Boden never taking his eyes off his firefighter as Severide finally looked to him. "A part of Matt- most of Matt, he died with her that day. He's been gone for awhile, and this, maybe it's… I'd like to think that what happened, losing Matt- That it was the universe correcting itself." He admitted, Boden's face remaining unchanged as he listened to Severide speak. "That it happened for a reason, that… I don't know, it's stupid."
"No it's not." Boden told him honestly, Severide sucking in another deep breath before he continued.
"I just know they couldn't live without each other… And, as terrible as all this is, I'd like to believe that wherever Matt is, wherever he and Gabby are, that they're happy…" He spoke softly, Boden blinking back the tears in his eyes before he nodded. "That him and Gabby are together, like they always should've been. Like he always wanted."
"I hope so, too." Boden added, Severide drawing in a deep breath before he nodded, his eyes moving back down to the headstones in front of them, holding the names of his friends that never should've been here. But they were, and there was nothing he could do about that, Kelly swallowing the lump in his throat before he bent down to place part of the flowers in front of Matt's stone, before placing the rest in front of Gabby's. A thick silence loomed over them before Severide finally spoke up one last time, his words giving both men just a little bit of comfort when they both so desperately needed it.
"And I think for the first time in a while, since losing Gabby, that he's finally at peace. He can finally rest… They both can."