When I get back to my room, I collapse onto the bed and groan. I know Maxon is coming, so I know that I can't put my nightgown on, but I do decide to take my dress off and put my jeans on. I pull all the pins out of my hair and loop it into a bun with a hair tie I find in the back of a drawer.

I unzip my dress as I walk into my closet to find jeans and a t-shirt, and just as I am about to step out of my dress, I hear a voice.

"As much as I'd appreciate the view, you probably don't want to do that," I hear Maxon's voice say from behind a few of my dresses.

"Damn it, Maxon," I mutter as I zip my dress back, putting my hands on my hips as he comes into the light. "What are you doing?"

"I came up here after dinner, and you weren't here, so I decided to… surprise you," he says with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

I roll my eyes. "No, you wanted to scare me. Go into the other room so I can change, and I'll be out in a minute."

"Yes, ma'am," he says formally, kissing my hand as he walks out the door.

I decide to put on some sleep pants and a t-shirt so I can just go to bed after Maxon leaves. It's a warm night, so I'll be fine if we end up on the balcony.

I stretch as I pad back into my room, finding Maxon leaning on the balcony railing. I walk up next to him and lean my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me. He sighs contentedly and kisses the top of my head. I know I won't feel this for a while, after tonight's conversation, so I close my eyes and memorize the feel of him around me.

"So," Maxon says after awhile. "What did you want to talk about?" he asks, turning to look at me.

"Um," I hesitate, biting my lip. "Let's go back inside."

He leads me back inside, and I sit gently on the bed, folding my legs underneath me as he sits on the edge.

"First, I need you to know something." He looks at me, and I know he's confused. "I- I wasn't expecting to… feel anything for you, but I do. You know that." His eyes crinkle as he smiles at the thought, turning to lay on my bed and pulling me with him so my head is on his chest. I can't figure out the words to say what I mean, because I don't quite know what I mean, so I just kiss him.

I mean it to be soft, but his fingers dig into my back and I gasp at the possessiveness in the touch. He deepens the kiss, and I can't argue, so I clutch his arms tightly for a few moments before I pull away.

Maxon sits up and pulls me into his lap, his eyes shining, but guarded. "Does that- do you- what?"

I smile, a little sadly. "Yes, Maxon. I can't say that I love you, I'm not ready for that yet, but… I probably will, soon," I say, practically whispering at the end. He makes to grab me again, and I push him away.

"No, that isn't what I need to tell you. And please keep in mind that I'm not hiding this from you, I am telling you and being honest, okay?"

He's on edge now, but keeps holding me close.

"What is it, my dear?"

I only just avoid rolling my eyes. "The boy from back home… the one I told you about?"

"That you were in love with and that threw you away and pushed you to me, yes. I suppose I should send him a thank you card," he jokes, but I can tell that his heart isn't in it.

I take a shuddering breath, steeling myself for what I hope isn't a big deal. "He's here."

"What?" He freezes.

"Aspen… Officer Leger. The one we ran into before the movie yesterday. That's why I was so quiet."

I look up at Maxon, and his eyes are staring straight ahead, his jaw tense. I try to move out of his lap, but he won't let me.

"So," he says shortly. "The only reason you want to stay is for him?"

"What?" I nearly yell, shocked. "Do you honestly believe that everything I just told you was a lie?"

"I…" he trails off. "I don't know."

"It wasn't," I tell him firmly, wriggling out of his hold on me so I can look him in the eye. "I may not love you yet, but I think I want to. Obviously him being here will confuse things, but I still- I still want you, Maxon. Maybe more than I want him."

"You don't love him anymore?" Maxon asks coldly.

"I didn't say that," I say carefully. "But it's not the same. I… I'm not choosing you right now, for a few reasons, but I'm definitely not choosing him right now either." I pause, wondering if I can tell him the truth about this afternoon. "He came in this afternoon. I was having a nightmare, and he woke me. We talked for a little bit, and he explained everything, and I believe him."

"So did you two just talk?" Maxon asks sarcastically.

"Maxon," I plead. "Please don't be cruel. I don't want him here any more than you do, but at least I'm being forced to make a choice and now I won't always wonder what would happen if he and I had worked out."

Maxon sighs.

"But…" I hesitate, not wanting to tell him this part. "Aspen did kiss me."

Maxon looks furious now. "You realize that this is treason, punishable by death, right? You are confessing to treason."

"I- I know. But I didn't want him to, and I stopped him." The calms Maxon down, but only barely.

"When he was- you know- it was different than before," I explain. "Before, when it was simpler, when he kissed me all I thought about was him and his- well, yeah. But today, I couldn't stop thinking of you. How you feel different and smell different. How you would react, how I really didn't want to hurt you. And I realized… I'm not really the same person he's in love with anymore, and I don't know how that changes things."

Maxon pulls me back to him. "America, I need you to know that I would end the Selection now if things were different. I know it's soon but- if I could end the Selection so I could only date you, then I would do it. But… I can't. I have to date everyone else too. And you aren't ready to be a princess, but you will be a fantastic one once you've learned a little more. I can't… there's too much political stuff to deal with surrounding the Selection, it's too complicated."

"I know," I answer softly. "And I'm trying to understand that. Also, you should know I get jealous, which is a new thing for me. When Olivia came in saying you'd kissed her, I wanted to… I don't know what, exactly, but I was not happy about it," I say with a wry smile.

Maxon chuckles at this, tucking my head under his chin. He really does have a solid chest. "I'm sorry about that, but I can't only kiss you."

"I know, that doesn't mean I have to like it," I complain quietly.

"Did you never get jealous with… Aspen, was it?"

"Mhmm," I hum. "No, I didn't. I knew he was mine, and he never really went near other girls. I didn't have a reason."

"And you do with me?"

"You are literally dating twenty other girls and could throw me to the side and pick one of them, many of whom would be a better princess and queen than I would, and there would be no consequences. In fact, many people in the country would probably encourage your getting rid of me. So yes, I have a reason."

Maxon laughs out loud at that. "I suppose that's not wrong. And in light of that, I know that you're going to be… seeing Aspen, and I can't really stop you. But please please, be careful. If you were to get caught, I don't know that I'd be able to save you. I could keep them from killing you, but I couldn't just let it go. I really want to send him away, but I don't think that would help me."

"No, it wouldn't," I murmur, tracing my fingers lightly over his chest. "But I promise. This might not be reasonable, but it would help you if you could warn me if you were planning on kissing anyone else," I suggest.

I feel him shake gently with silent laughter. "I don't know if I can promise that, but I can try, I suppose. We'll see."

"Thank you," I yawn.

"Incidentally, what are your reasons for not choosing me now?" he asks curiously.

"I just… I can never be sure of you. I know that you say I'm your favorite, but that means you like other girls too, and I could do something and I wouldn't be your favorite. It's hard for me to accept that there are other girls that want you, and that you sort of want them too. And with Aspen, I know that there are other girls that want him, but he doesn't have any kind of feelings for them. He only wants me, and that's… comforting, I guess. I've always known where I stand with him.

"And this whole thing- the palace, you, the clothes, all of it, is so different from what I ever thought I wanted. And now I do want it- well, I want you, at least, and I need to wrap my head around everything that having you means," I explain.

"I guess I can understand that. But America, the only reason I want any of the other girls, and I use that term very loosely so you're aware, is because I'm not sure of you. If you… if you choose him, then I can't wander around with a broken heart. I have to choose one of them. To say it bluntly, I need a back-up plan," he says gently.

"I know. I'll try not to draw this out, I don't like it as much as you don't like it."

"Thank you," he says shortly, pressing his lips to my forehead. "It's late. I should go."

"Yeah," I say, burrowing closer to him. He turns and tucks me in, placing gentle kisses all over my face.

"Good night, darling," he says softly.

"Mmm," I hum with a smile. "I like that one," I say with my eyes closed, pulling the covers around me.

"Better than 'my dear'?" he asks, and I can hear the smirk on his face. I open my eyes sleepily so I can see him again before he leaves. I cup his cheek with my hand.

"Much," I whisper with a smile, pulling his lips to mine, kissing him slowly.

He leans his forehead on mine, breathing heavily.

"I really should go," he says.

I laugh and kiss his forehead. "Go, get your beauty sleep. God knows you need it," I tease.

He rolls his eyes at me and kisses me again."Good night, America," he says as he walks to the door.

"Goodnight, Maxon," I call as he closes the door softly, and I find myself already asleep.