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A stack of papers drops in front of me. The slap of the magazines against the table startles me, and I look up to see Celeste still sporting a puffy lip. She points to one of her gossip magazines opened to a two-page spread. It doesn't even take a full second for me to recognize Marlee's face, even though it is twisted with paint from the caning.
I frown, not liking the memory. I look around the Women's Room to see if anyone else knows what's going on. Natalie is sketching something by a window, Kriss is writing in her journal, and Elise is reading through a file in the corner. No one is looking, so I guess no one notices. Queen Amberly is missing, though, which doesn't happen very often.
"Thought you should see this," Celeste says as she flips her hair over her shoulder and saunters away.
I'm not exactly sure what she means. I almost leave it sitting there, but curiosity gets the better of me.
I skim through the article detailing how awful Marlee is and how I am horrifically inadequate, due to my caste. Of course, they have a quote from the king making it clear that the queen is a special exception to the rule, but that the rule exists nonetheless; Fives do not become queens. Even the polls support that. Kriss and Celeste are all but tied for first, Natalie and Elise close behind, and I am in dead last.
I chew my lip for a moment. Maxon knows this, we have a plan. It's not like we're going to announce everything tomorrow. Who cares what people think?
Just as I set the magazine back down on the table, a maid comes up to me with a small, folded note on a platter.
Everyone's eyes snap over to me as I unfold the note.
"Is that from Maxon?" Kriss asks, trying not to seem as interested as she is.
"Yes." I don't look up.
"What's it say?" she probes.
"That he wants to see me," I answer shortly, standing and making my way to the doors.
"My maids told me they saw him carrying her to her room early this morning," I hear Elise whisper worriedly as I close the door behind me.
I hide a smile. Is that what happened? I knew I fell asleep in Maxon's room then woke up in mine, but I wasn't sure how I'd gone to one from the other. I'd assumed that he woke me and I just wasn't fully awake, but apparently not. I was wearing my clothes when I woke, so that would make sense.
Maxon is waiting for me just outside the doors, and offers me his arm when he sees me.
"Good afternoon, love," he smiles at me.
"Hello," I grin back. "Apparently, Elise's maids saw you carrying me back to my room in the wee hours of the morning, so now they're all gossiping about us right now."
"Whoops," Maxon says. He's not sorry at all. "I thought it was just at the right time that no one would be around."
"You really did carry me back? Why didn't you just wake me up?" I complain.
"I just couldn't bring myself to. You'd fallen asleep on me as I was telling you about our future family, how could I?"
I lean my head ever so slightly onto his shoulder. "You are adorable sometimes."
"I am a grown man, I am never adorable." Maxon looks around quickly before pressing a kiss to my temple. I blush. "How has your day been?" Real subtle, Maxon.
"Eh, okay. Celeste showed me a magazine that proved the country hates me, but I'm trying not to let it get me down," I shrug.
"Good, don't let it. For starters, magazines really only poll upper castes. I'd imagine the ratings would be much different if everyone had a voice," he answers as if it is a well-known fact.
"Where are we going?" Maxon turns us down a hallway that I haven't seen before, in the opposite wing from the Women's Room.
"Um- my mother's office. She wants to speak to both of us," he says nervously.
"Oh." I'm not sure what else to say. "Is there… what should I say?"
"The truth, I think," Maxon says grimly. "I don't think she'll tell Father, or at least I'll be able to convince her to let me tell him, which will be better than him finding out from someone else."
I nod, suddenly unable to speak.
"Hey," he says, pulling us over to the side of the hallway. "It'll be fine. Absolute worst case scenario is that he rages for a few days and doesn't approve. This isn't his choice, darling. It's mine, and I've made it."
I nod, and he looks me over. "Ready?"
I sigh. "As I'll ever be, I suppose."
"Well then, my dear, follow me," he says, lips quirked up in a smirk as he leads me across the hall.
I roll my eyes. "That's a choice you can make."
Maxon chuckles and knocks gently on the door we come to. I hear the queen's voice call out from inside and my knees almost give out.
"Ames, calm down," Maxon says with a smile, opening the door for me. I want to mutter threats at him, but now I'm curtsying to Queen Amberly. Maxon bows, and she rises from her desk.
"Thank you both for coming," she says, "Please, sit." She gestures to a small couch across the room and she sits in an ornate chair nearby. Maxon takes a seat on the couch, leaving the space closest to Queen Amberly open for me. Jerk.
I sit, more aware of my posture than I think I have ever been.
"Well," she begins, "I suppose you have something to tell me?"
I look over at Maxon, begging him to speak. He takes my hand, and puts me out of my misery. He's smiling, though.
"How did you know?"
"I'm your mother, dear. I can tell when you're happy, and I've gotten fairly good at discerning what is making you happy. Also, I know for a fact that necklace was buried in the vault, so you must have been looking for something intentionally. I put two and two together," she explains.
"Your Majesty," I say timidly.
"Yes, dear?' she answers kindly.
"Where is it from?" I brush my fingers across the diamond at my throat. "How did you recognize it so quickly?"
She tilts her head, in a gesture I've seen Maxon replicate scores of times. "In the last Selection, the king gifted that necklace to another girl. She and I… did not get along, and she returned it to the palace when she left. I asked the royal jeweler to put it in the back; I didn't want my maids to ever bring it to me by accident."
I want to ask her more about it so badly, but I sense that now is not the time.
"I'm sorry, mother," Maxon says sincerely. "We can- I can-" I know he wants to suggest changing it, and I will if he truly wants to, but the thought makes me sad.
"No, that's alright," she dismisses with a wave of her hand. "It means something different now." She smiles, and I want to sink into the sofa. I will never be a queen like her. "So you've made your choice then, sweetheart?" she asks Maxon.
Maxon nods, grinning like a fool. "Yes. It's America. It will always be America." I flush. This is only the second person who knows, outside of us. "I proposed on Halloween."
Her eyebrows fly up her forehead. "My. What an eventful few days."
We both grimace. "Honestly, if he hadn't, I probably would have left," I say before thinking. Both Maxon and his mother turn to look at me so quickly my neck hurts. "I have… trust issues?" I offer. Amberly presses her lips together, but I can't tell if she wants to laugh or yell. I have to learn how to do that too. I have a lot to learn from her.
"What were you thinking, Maxon?" Amberly says. "This does not make things easier for you."
"It does, though," Maxon counters. "She knows I'm not going to choose anyone else, and I know she isn't going to let being princess scare her away. We kept fighting about it, and one of us would be ready and the other would pull back. If I could end it now, I could, but this way… it's better."
"And you?' the queen asks, turning to me again. "This makes it better for you?"
I swallow dryly. "I think so. I mean, Kriss or Elise would make much better princesses than I will, I think. But Maxon doesn't want them, he wants me. And I'm selfish enough to not care, if I'm his choice."
"Why do you think they'd make better princesses?"
"I'm too loud. I can't put on a mask for the public, and I have a temper. I'd like to think that I care more about people, but I don't think that's enough."
She nods thoughtfully. "That might be true. But one could argue that the etiquette can be taught, and will come with time, while passion cannot."
She isn't arguing with me; she's rolling over scenarios in her mind. I know she liked that I ran after Marlee, so maybe this will end in our favor.
Maxon fidgets, which is unlike him. He doesn't know what's coming next.
"Very well," she says finally. "But, Maxon," he stops fidgeting immediately and snaps his spine straight, "you need to tell your father. Soon."
"Yes, mother," he says, bowing his head. "I will."
"Good." She smiles at Maxon, and I can tell she loves him more than anything. "Now, let me speak to your fiancée alone."
No one's ever called us that. We look at each other and beam. It's almost enough to make me not terrified of spending one on one time with the queen.
"Yes ma'am," Maxon says with a twinkle in his eye. He stands and turns towards the door.
"Aren't you going to kiss your mother?"
"How could I have forgotten?" Maxon teases. He turns back and kisses her cheek sweetly, and it makes me smile. He turns and kisses my forehead, too. He bows just before he leaves, and closes the door softly behind him.
"I'm sure this is awkward for you, dear," she says to me.
I smile. "A little. I'm not sure what to say."
"Well, let's start with why my son decided to throw out all the rules and propose to you secretly." She doesn't sound angry, but she speaks firmly. Maxon did tell me to tell the truth.
"That's a very long story," I admit.
"We have time."
"Oh. Okay. Um, I guess it started when we met before we were supposed to. The night before. I was panicking, and he had the guards let me out in the gardens," I start.
She nods. "Yes, we heard about that."
"Oh," I say again. "I explained to him that I didn't really want to be here." The queen looks shocked at this. "I had a boyfriend back home. We wanted to get married, and my mom told me that I could keep half the money I earned if I entered the Selection, and he was a Six, so I wanted to save up the money. I never in a million years thought I'd get picked." I shake my head, looking down at my hands neatly folded in my lap.
"No one ever does," she says with a slight smile. "Go on."
"Just before I was chosen, he broke up with me. He wanted better for me. I didn't want to come, but to be frank, my family needs the money. I told him that, he knew," I tell her.
She nods, but she doesn't look happy. She waves for me to keep going.
"He told me he'd keep me here as long as he could, that I could leave whenever I felt ready. I told him there was no way I'd fall in love with him, so we could be friends. I could be a spy for him. Tell him about what the other girls didn't want him to know. That… didn't last very long."
She nods knowingly.
"I wasn't expecting him to be so… human. I thought he'd be stiff and stuck up; just wanting a figure piece. He's not like that."
"No," she agrees. "I can't quite take credit for that, but I am grateful for it nonetheless. So that explains how the feelings developed. Why the rush?"
"My ex showed up here," I say bluntly.
This shocks her. "How?"
"He was drafted, and became a palace guard. I first saw him when Maxon and I were spending time together. I couldn't hide it from him."
She nods. "So he didn't want you to go back to the guard, so he proposed."
"No, not at all! He let me choose. I spent some time with both of them, and realized that I loved Maxon, not- the guard." I almost slip up and say Aspen's name, but I don't want to get him in trouble. "So, Maxon and I had both spent a few weeks being with other people, and neither of us was dealing with it very well. Neither of us would choose the other because of everyone else in the picture, so… I went for it. A few days before Halloween I told him I loved him, and… yeah," I finish lamely.
"And then Miss Tames got caught," she adds.
"Yes," I say sadly. I cannot tell her about Marlee and Carter. "I almost changed my mind. I could never do that to someone." I am adamant on this.
"That's what I wanted to speak to you about, actually," she admits. "As interested as I am in the way my son chose my successor, I imagine we'll be hearing that story quite a bit in the coming months. Perhaps altered a bit," she says with a wink.
I laugh a little, more at ease now that she knows.
"But I want to speak to you about what being princess, and eventually queen, means. I want you to be certain before this goes any farther."
I nod. In my mind, it can't go much farther, but I know that it would be all too easy to pretend this never happened. Maxon could send me home tonight and no one would be surprised.
"What would you say the duty of the queen is?" she asks me.
I think for a moment. "To lead alongside the king?"
"No," she says simply. I blush. "Though, I imagine that will be yours. No, the duty of every queen before and after me is to support their king. Your duty will be to support Maxon in whatever way he needs.
"For example, King Porter needed support in the media. He needed Queen Abby to stand in photographs, give him an heir, and wear the crown at state occasions. She fulfilled those obligations, and while neither of them was happy, per se, they got along well enough." She looks like she wants to say more, and I almost want to ask if the rumors about Queen Abby are true, if she really did poison Justin, but I won't.
"King Clarkson requires my support in many ways unseen. I'm sure to many outsiders, it looks as if all I do is plan parties and sit in dresses all day, but rest assured, without me, the king would not be nearly as successful as he is.
"Now, Maxon does not talk much about his visions of himself as king, but I imagine he wants a partner, yes?"
I nod. Maxon has talked to me about it, a little. He knows I want to help, that I'm as invested in making this country a better place as he is.
"That is going to be the hardest thing you will ever do." She says frankly. "You've gotten a little taste of the media, being here with us. They will call you names. You will be more involved with the running of the country than any other Queen in Illéan history, and it will not go ignored. The upper castes will hate you for awhile, if not forever. Are you prepared for that?'
I nod. "I've never really cared what outsiders think of me. If the people I love are okay with what I'm doing, then I don't mind."
She nods. That was satisfactory, apparently.
"Every decision you make, about children, about what you wear, about your family, everything will be public knowledge. Are you prepared for that? To have hardly any privacy?"
I take a deep breath. "No, not really. I've never lived like that. I don't know that I could be prepared. And I'm sure Maxon and I will argue about it often. But I trust him." I look up shyly. "And, truly, if you could raise someone like Maxon, and be as wonderful as you are, then I know it will be okay," I blurt out. "Your Majesty," I add respectfully.
She smiles and stands. I follow protocol and stand with her.
"Well then, my dear," she says and I almost laugh. "Congratulations are in order, I believe." She opens her arms, and it takes me a moment to realize she wants to give me a hug. I fall into her arms and it is almost as comforting as a hug from my own mom.
"Don't tell anyone," she warns after letting me go, "but I was hoping it would be you from fairly early on."
My jaw drops. I close it quickly, but not before it happens. "Why?"
"We need some shaking up, I think," she says. "I'll do my best to handle the king. Hopefully he won't give you too much trouble. There will be some, though," she warns.
"I know," I nod. "We're going to try to make me more popular; Maxon thinks that will help."
"It certainly will. Now, we don't want to appear to be playing favorites, you'd best go."
"Yes, Your Majesty," I say, giving a curtsy on my way out. "Thank you," I say sincerely.
"Of course, dear," she says with a smile. I almost think I see tears in her eyes. There are a few in mine too.
When I turn from closing the door, I see Maxon waiting across the hall. He walks quickly over to me, looking concerned when he notices the tears,
He wipes them away quickly. "Is everything alright?"
I can only nod, clinging to him. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. I collect myself and step back, putting myself back together.
"I really like your mom," I admit.
Maxon laughs, tucking my hand into his arm as he leads me back to the Women's Room. "I do, too."
"She called me 'my dear'."
Maxon snorts. "I suppose she does call people that. I must have gotten it from her."
"Hm," I acknowledge. "You're still not allowed to call me that."
"I bet I could get away with it."
I raise an eyebrow. "Could you now?"
He nods. "Just wait, you'll see."
We reach the Women's Room door and he lets me go. He ducks down to whisper in my ear, "I love you, darling." He kisses my jaw just below my ear, and I gasp.
"Goodbye, Maxon," I say with an eye roll as I reach for the doorknob.
"Love?' he calls softly before he's too far away. "You're going to want to turn down the glow."
I have no idea what he's talking about, and that must show on my face, because he continues, "You're glowing. They're going to notice. Not that I particularly care, but you might."
I nod. "I can't help it. I just love you too much," I whisper into his ear. Now that we've said it to each other, we can't stop.
Maxon gives a bruising kiss, clutching me to him. I blush, glancing at the guards around us, but they all keep their eyes trained straight ahead.
"Alright, I have to leave," Maxon sighs. "I'll see you tonight?"
"If I can spare the time," I tease with a straight face, slipping behind the door. I hear Maxon's laughter from behind me before the door latches, and I know I should tone down my grin before the girls see it, but I really can't bring myself to.