Disclaimer: I do not own Friends or the characters from the series.

This will cover multiple events in the series. Originally beta'ed by Babatomyfriends.

The Backup

1994

They were in the hospital, waiting for Ross' son to be born. Ross was walking around, antsy and restless, Joey had disappeared completely and Monica was apparently bummed out by all the babies and happy mothers around her.

All Phoebe did was play guitar. Play guitar and observe her surroundings. When a crib with twins was wheeled by her she grinned, "Oh look, twins! Hi guys, cute, cute!"

Monica, on the other hand, seemed less happy at the sight. "Not fair!" She whined, "I don't even have one, how come they get two?"

A fine argument she makes, Phoebe smiled as she adjusted her guitar. Chandler probably agreed with Phoebe as he smiled softly at their raven-haired friend and assured her of the obvious. "You'll get one."

"Oh yeah? When?" Monica challenged him with disbelief.

"Alright, I'll tell you what," Phoebe couldn't help but look up too when Chandler started speaking, "when we're forty, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?"

Phoebe looked down and smirked to herself.

Not surprising.

"Why won't I be married when I'm forty?"

Phoebe's head snapped up again as she kept herself from laughing at the unexpected complaint from her female neurotic friend. Monica had missed Chandler's proposal (and secret intentions) all together and just focused on the meaning of that scenario. Poor Chandler, he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

She kept watching, amused, as Monica seemed upset and Chandler tried to get himself out of the situation with desperate means, and shook her head.

Poor Chandler.

1995

Phoebe sat alone on the orange sofa and in a rare moment of weakness cupped her head in her hands.

Divorce.

Sure, it wasn't an actual marriage, but she was still, as far as the authorities knew, a divorced woman.

She was not sad because she loved him or something -

Although she did. Maybe it was because he didn't feel gay. Maybe on some level, she always knew he was straight. And maybe that's why she was upset. He was her safety net - when a guy disappointed her it was so good to know that she was... married. She shouldn't fear a broken heart, because she never really was alone. Even with David, the most painful goodbye of them all, she wasn't abandoned. She was a disappointed... married woman. Didn't that sound much better than a dumped single girl?

She needed something else. Another safety net.

Not another sham-marriage though.

And then, when the beautiful Joey that she was secretly (or not so secretly) attracted to entered the coffee-house it struck her.

A backup!

"Hey Pheebs," Joey smiled, sitting near her on the sofa. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine," she let out before a big grin spread on her face, "hey Joey?"

"Yeah?"

She was never one for subtlety, she was direct. "What do you say you and I get married?"

Joey's eyes widened. "... Huh?"

"Not now!" She laughed carelessly and grinned, "when we're forty or something. If we find no one else."

Joey, who actually seemed nervous for a second calmed visibly. "Ohh... A backup!"

"Yeah!"

"God Phoebe, for a second there I thought you were proposing!" He laughed with relief.

"Yeah," Phoebe was not quite as amused as he was but she smiled anyway.

"And I was all 'where the hell did that come from?!'"

"... Right."

"Anyway, sure," he shrugged, and now that he was calm he looked sideways and she realized with a wave of slight jealousy that he was checking out a waitress while talking to her, "I'll be your backup. And we should definitely seal the deal in a creative way," his wink was seductive, and although it was slightly ridiculous it made her heart pace pick up.

She grinned. "Okay, great."

"But since we have, like... decades, before the fretful moment of me, Joey Tribbiani settling down comes, I will use those decades left to enjoy my time with other women. Now if you'll excuse me..."

As he got up she couldn't help but to ponder with a frown on one of the words he said.

Fretful?!

Joey, although she favored him, was unreliable. Too afraid to commit.

Not a safety net.

She needed other options. Ross... Or Chandler. Backups to her backup.

Yeah. If she backupped her backup it would actually create a safety net.

As she sat in Monica's apartment, Monica and Rachel absent from their own apartment, she decided that the decision between Ross and Chandler would be made by whoever walked in first.

Half an hour later, while Phoebe napped on the sofa, the door was slammed open.

"Monica!" Ross walked in through the door, Ben safely held in his arms, "Mon!"

"She's not here," Phoebe let out, trying to smile her most charming smile, "I'm the only one here."

"Oh, hi Pheebs," he smiled as he carried Ben over and laid him gently down on a blanket spread on the floor, "what's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Just that I now sympathize with your struggle."

He looked up and smiled a slightly bitter smile. "Which one of my struggles? There are many."

She laughed softly. "The being divorced one."

"Oh yeah. Hey, it's actually quite alike! You married a gay person too!"

"He was straight actually, he just hid it very well."

"Oh."

Phoebe smiled, waving, "but forget about him. Let's talk about other things!"

"Such as?"

"Such as the undiscussed matter of you and me." Her smile was wide and she was very close to winking at him. Her smile slightly faltered, though, when his eyes went wide.

"Huh?"

"Oh come on, Ross! You must have picked it up by now!"

He stared at her for a few seconds before shaking his head and fixing his gaze back on his son. "You're messing with me."

"I am not!"

"There's no... matter. This is clearly a joke. Chandler, come out and cut it out!"

She watched him yell at Monica and Rachel's empty rooms and slightly glared. "This is no joke and Chandler is not involved in this!"

"Then what's going on?"

"Nothing, I just..."

"Phoebe."

She sighed. "Fine. I want a backup."

Ross seemed lost. "A what?"

"A backup! A backup. If neither of us are married by the time we're forty, we marry each other."

He stared at her incredulously for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Why me?"

"Because... You're a good father. And you're stable, and nice..." When he started to protest her glare hardened, "don't think you don't need me too, Ross Geller! You're not exactly mister Big-shot in dating!"

"I have a girlfriend!"

"What if it won't work out? Are you so unbelievingly confident in Julie's desire to spend eternity with you? And if it won't work out, you're a single-father! Most girls fear single-fathers!"

He winced. Looking down, he inhaled deeply and then peeked up again, glancing at her. "I guess it won't hurt..."

"If you annoy me, it might," she grinned for the first time in their conversation, "but other than that it'll only hurt sometimes in the nights, but it'll be a pleasurable pain."

He smirked. "Oh yeah?"

She grinned, "pleasurable pain... three times a week."

Ross laughed and eyed her with new-found interest, but it didn't last long. He ended up shrugging and smiling a small smile at her, "alright, Pheebs. Backup it is."

"Great," a backup to the backup.

Even if not that reliable either.

Her eyes then lightened up with silent amusement.

"Wanna... Seal the deal?" She grinned.

He was not as amused. "Girlfriend, Phoebe."

"Right," she laughed and got up to walk out of the apartment, heading towards Joey and Chandler's to wait for Chandler.

As she headed out she told her hurt pride that she shouldn't care about Ross' lack of enthusiasm. He was the backup to her backup, for crying out loud!

And he is only like that because he's in love with Rachel (or maybe Julie now but whatever). Out of the three, he'll pick Rachel. Of course, Monica is not an option for him in the first place (she giggled at the horrifying image) but between her and Rachel, Rachel won without even trying.

Phoebe sighed.

It was only fair, though, given how Ross and Rachel were lobsters.

But when would she find her lobster?

When Chandler passed in front of her, struggling to find his keys, and when he finally did kicking his door open with a glare a slightly relieved smile appeared on her face.

She was definitely not the worst case in the market.

She followed him in, and he only noticed her when he almost slammed the door on her.

"Pheebs!" He slightly jumped, smiling guiltily at the fact he had almost closed the door on her, "sorry."

Phoebe, focused on her mission waved dismissively and let herself in. "Don't worry about it."

He closed the door after her and threw his bag on the counter, eyeing her uneasily. "Did it get you?"

"The door?" She almost laughed at his obvious concern for her. "No. Don't worry."

He relaxed visibly and sat down on the couch, allowing his face to fall again into an annoyed frown.

"Why the unhappy face?"

He smirked humorlessly, "working nine to five, what a way to make a living."

"Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving," she smiled back.

"It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it," he ruffled his hair before lowering his fingers to massage his temples.

"No no, Chandler, you messed up the song, you forgot a line," she wanted to be mad at his musical crime but he was so weary she couldn't bring herself to actually be upset.

"Did I?" He yawned, blinking tiredly, "sorry."

"It's okay." She was silent for a second or two before looking up, "hey, Chandler, do you ever think about the future?"

The strange question seemed to slightly wake him up. He stirred a bit and glanced at her. "What d'ya mean by that, Pheebs?"

"Well..." For some unknown reason, her gut feeling (which she had learned throughout her life to depend upon) told her that the way to approach Chandler was to turn to his sensitive, emotional side and not to flirt with him. He wasn't after commitment the way Ross was but he wasn't after one-night-stands the way Joey was either. He was stuck in the middle, getting neither. Another fine point was his recent freak-out over Heckles. It really did seem like he was the committed type, just too messed up to act on it. "The future. Marriage, children..."

He folded his arms, smiling uncomfortably. "Well, Pheebs... That's a strange question."

"Maybe," she allowed and went silent again, awaiting his answer.

He looked down and away. "What's this about?"

"Well..." He was so tense - so much she regretted the whole thing. "What do you think it's about?"

"Is it..." His eyes widened noticeably, "are you... do you have a...?!"

"No, no..." When he eyed her with his nervous gaze she had to assure him again, "no, I'm not asking for me. I have no crush on you or something. That's ridiculous!"

He laughed with obvious relief, inhaling deeply. "It is."

She eyed his obvious alleviation and felt her pride shrinking a bit. What is it with all guys today freaking out over the thought of being with her?

"Pheebs?" His voice brought her gaze back to his face, "what is this about then?"

"I want you to be my backup," she let out and eyed him as he moved uneasily on the couch.

"You said you're not asking for you."

"I'm not."

"But... But you are."

"It's... Then I am, but it's not personal."

"Not personal?"

"Yeah, yeah! Don't worry about it."

"It's a marriage, Pheebs. How can it be not personal?" His face showed honest confusion.

She decided to tell him something she didn't tell Ross and wouldn't tell Joey if he asked. "You won't be my only backup."

"You have another one?"

"Two more, to be precise. Two more and counting," she smiled her trade-mark Phoebe smile, confident and amused and slightly scatty but the smile he smiled back was slightly forced. "What is it?" Her smile faltered a bit as he pushed his hands into his pockets.

"I already... Have a backup."

"You do? Who?"

"... Monica."

"No you don't," she almost laughed, "I was there. She said no."

His smile was slightly dry. "I believe her exact words were 'why won't I be married when I'm forty'."

"Well... Yeah. Does that sound like a yes to you?"

"It's not a no."

"I'm pretty sure it is," she couldn't believe his persistence.

"I'm sorry Pheebs. I just don't think I should be your backup."

"But you should be Monica's?" She didn't know why she made it so hard on him, and what was going on with her third degree but for some reason, she felt like she needed to understand what was behind his loyalty to his very unsealed pact with Monica.

He shrugged and said nothing.

She looked away too and suddenly felt very bad and responsible for the awkwardness that was now between them. Why did she have to bring up the subject of marriage, and to Chandler, of all people? Commitment-phobic Chandler.

Well...

Commitment phobic to everyone but Monica.

... Why was that?

"So to you, she said yes?"

He looked away, stuffing his hands even deeper in his pockets. "To me, she voiced her concerns about finding someone to marry. If she feels that way... Well, she shouldn't. That's all I'm saying."

"I thought you were afraid of marriage and commitment?"

"I am," he slightly shrugged, "I don't know."

"How is Monica different?"

"She'll... She'll make it easier. She makes everything easier," Phoebe was confused at the sentimental statement as Chandler kept his gaze securely on his lap, a small smile gracing his lips.

Her eyebrows flew up and she couldn't help but wonder what deep meanings stood behind his statement.

"Are you... Do you have a crush on her, or something?"

"What?" His head snapped up and a chuckle escaped his lips, "no. Of course not."

"It kinda sounds like you do."

"No," he laughed, "I'm just saying, Monica makes everything successful. From cooking and cleaning to relationships and dealing with tough situations, she is great at everything."

Phoebe couldn't help but think slightly bitterly that Monica was not exactly great at relationships, and she tried to point out to Chandler the contradiction in his words. "If she is so great at relationships, wouldn't she be married by now?"

"Relationships are a two-part deal," he chuckled, "just one great person doesn't cut it."

"And you're the other great person to seal the deal?"

"No," he laughed at the proposition, "I'm the backup."

She was shocked at the simplicity he made of the situation and shook her head in disbelief. "And you're fine with being 'just the backup'?"

"Why would I care that much? It's just hypothetical. And it'll stay that way. She'll find someone by the time she is forty."

"I just..." She couldn't understand, "alright... But if so, what's the big deal with being my third backup? It's not committing. It's just a safety net. Isn't that what you want too? Especially after the Heckles incident?"

His uneasiness returned and she couldn't help herself from noticing it and wondering why it was there. He ended up nodding. "Al-alright, I guess. I'll be your third backup if you don't mind being my second."

'Even if your first is not an actual backup', she wanted to say, but instead, she shook his hand and forced a smile. "Deal."