Chapter 35 - Spiritual Guidance

Takodana

The Jedi Temple

"Slip?"

"Hello, Eighty-Seven."

Finn's eyes widened as the breath was caught in his lungs. It was beyond shock what he was feeling. He couldn't honestly say what he was feeling as he stood there, stiff as a door, staring at the incorporeal form of his dead brother. Was it a trick? Was it just another nightmare conjured up from his guilty conscience?

"Well," Slip suddenly said, "the last time you saw me, I wasn't exactly pleasant to look at to begin with, was I?"

Finn narrowed his eyes, "You were a hallucination brought about by a mad hungry apex predator to torment me. Of course you weren't pleasant to look at."

"And you think that is what I am?"

"The thought did cross my mind."

"Well, to my knowledge, there is nothing capable of producing such a hallucination here."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

Slip's eyes stared at him for a moment, the pain evident in his ghostly face, before they turned downcast to the ancient stone at their feet. "I suppose you don't. It's really is up to you what you want to believe… brother."

The edgings of a smile crossed Finn's face as he took a cautious step forward before attempting to embrace the ghostly Slip. He passed right through him, his form slipping away like mist.

"You're really not here, are you?" Finn sadly asked as he turned to face him again, "You really are gone."

"Yes," Slip nodded, his voice a grave whisper, "I have been since that night on Jakku."

Finn hung his head at that, "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. It just happened."

"That honestly doesn't make me feel any better, Slip," he looked up at him again, trying to keep his voice from breaking, "why are you here?"

"I've been waiting for you, actually."

"What? For how long?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Time is strange when you're incomporial. It feels like you're everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Am I making sense?"

"Not really, but-wait, if you're here," he turned around, looking in all directions, "is Nines and Zeroes here?"

"No," he shook his head, "they… chose to stay behind."

"Oh," he found the nearest wall to sit down, Slip coming to join him, "I take it they didn't want to?"

"Actually, it really had nothing to do with you. Zeroes hasn't really taken his death all too well. I'd said he's become rather peculiar, having no real purpose anymore."

"Hmm, that figures. What about Nines?"

"Well, you remember that girl from Besh Company he liked to wrestle? The blond?"

"Yes… didn't she die a week before we finished basic?"

"Yeah, she's up here, too. Let's just say Nines is making up for lost time."

That made Finn laugh, "So, a lass is more important than me? Sounds about right."

"He did tell me to send his regards, and good luck on your mission. He hopes you make things right for us."

Finn narrowed his eyes at him. "What you mean my mission?"

"The reason you're here, of course," Slip shrugged his shoulders, "why you betrayed what we stood for to save a person you didn't even know at the time."

Finn just shook his head, "Slip, it's far more complicated than that-"

"I know," Slip interrupted, "I saw everything, remember?"

Finn's voice finally broke in that moment. "Then you know what I did."

"Yes. What you and everyone else in our company were ordered to do. And yet out of all of them, you chose to do something about it. I suppose the question would be why."

"Don't you already know that?"

Slip didn't answer, he just looked at him expectantly. Was this a test of some sort? Finn again began to wonder if this really was the spirit of Slip talking to him or just another trick of his mind.

He sighed after a moment, his hand digging into his New Republic BDU's and pulling out the only tangible item left from his time in the First Order: his identification tag.

"You ever wonder why they never gave us names?" Finn asked after a moment, his reflection staring back at him from the stainless-steel finish of the tag, "Why they only gave us numbers to identify us?"

"We did have names, Eighty-Seven."

"That's not the same, Slip. We gave each other names, but they were not given to us. Not even by Phasma. As you said, the question is why."

"Don't you already know that?"

Finn looked up at Slip, but saw there was no humor in the man's boyish face. "Yes. The same reason we were not given the choice to be soldiers."

"Choice," Slip nodded, "I've learned up here that's what defines a free man from a slave. Is that what we were?"

"You tell me. You're the one looking down on the rest of us."

Slip just shook his head at that, "Finn, it's not about what I know, it's about what you believe, or rather what you want to believe. You're the one who's still alive, after all."

The use of the name Poe had given him somehow surprised him. He didn't know why it did, it just did. He of course didn't respond to that course of thought, deflecting as he whispered, "Not for much longer, the way things are going."

"Yes," Slip nodded, "would it surprise you that Phasma is going to disregard her orders?"

Finn whipped his head around at that, "What?"

"Phasma is being assigned to hunt for that map we died for. Her orders when she runs into you is to put you down. Came directly from the Admiral himself."

"I'm not surprised."

"At which part? The Captain or the Admiral?"

"Both, honestly. Hux is a pragmatist; he knows I'm a threat."

"And we're practically Phasma's children. So, why would the First Order dispatch our mother with orders to kill you?"

"I told you, I'm a threat. Besides, what better way to prove her loyalty than to kill a wayward son?"

"But why, Finn? Why are you such a threat? Why are they afraid of you?"

"Because I'm a fault in the system. L-Tee said so himself."

"That's one way to look at it, I suppose. But there's more to it and you know it. After all, you're just one man, one deserter, and that can be ignored. But they're not going to. They are treating you with as much value if the Admiral himself switched sides. So I ask you again, why are they so afraid of you?"

Finn considered his answer for a moment, staring down at the dog tags in his hands. "Because I chose to be free."

When he looked back up at Slip, he saw him smile. "Yes. Because you saw the truth, even if you didn't realize it, and they're terrified that others will too."

"What truth?"

"I think you already know."

Finn cracked a smile, "Why can't you just give me a straight answer?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm walking a very thin line just being here, brother. I can't just say what I wish, but I can nudge you a bit."

"So there are rules even up there?"

"There are rules everywhere, especially in history. I think you know the one I'm talking about."

"Yes, it repeats," he nodded, his mind wandering back an hour to Lor San's lecture. It hadn't been a coincidence that he'd settled on that particular one out of hundreds, he realized. "You know, they never did tell us where we came from."

"Us?" Slip asked.

"The Empire. Where it came from, really. Or perhaps more accurate, where the idea came from. They never told us about the Sith or their empires. But then again, why would they?"

"Why indeed," Slip smirked softly, "because if they did, if we were told what we really are in the grand scheme of things, would we be so loyal?"

"What does it matter?" Finn shook his head, "I'm just one man."

"One man who can inspire others," Slip countered, "You know what I saw when L-Tee tried to kill you? I saw how afraid he was, not just of you but what you represent to them. The slave realizing the chain around his neck."

Finn glared at Slip, "I was many things, Slip, but slave was not one."

"Then what would you call it?"

"My profession…" he suddenly trailed off at the hypocrisy of that.

"Finn," Slip said again, "our brothers and sisters are fighting a war we didn't choose. Living a life that isn't ours. Dying for something we don't understand, and those who question it becomes the enemy. That is slavery, and that is what we were. What many of us still are."

"Is it even real?" Finn suddenly asked, "The colonies? The life after? Us being given spouses and expected to raise children in a paradise? Is any of that even real?"

"Even if it is, does that really sound like paradise to you? Our children won't get to choose the life they want, just what the First Order wants. And what they want is generations upon generations of us."

Finn stared at Slip, and then at the world around him. "I'm just one man," he whispered again.

"So was Luke Skywalker, and look at what he did. Even this we were taught."

"'The weakness of a nation begins with the individual,'" Finn recited, "ironic. But I'm not him, Slip. I'm not a hero born of heroes."

"He wasn't born one, Finn. He chose to be one. He inspired others to be better. Why do you think the guy in the black hat gave you that entire speech?"

"But even if I do… how do I even start?"

"When the time comes, you'll know how."

Finn nodded, not sure if he believed it or not. "I don't suppose you can tell me how this ends, can you?"

"Not even the dead can know that," Slip smiled softly, "but I have faith in you."

"Why?" Finn turned to face Slip, to look him in the eye as he asked, "Why me?"

"Because you're my brother," he reached his hand forward and though it fazed through Finn's hand, the gesture still remained, "and that is the one lesson from Phasma I can always appreciate."

It had been years since Finn had cried. He didn't even feel it or even realize it until he felt the moisture soak his clothes. He wiped them away and sighed. "I don't suppose you can stick around, help me through this?" He opened his eyes and Slip was nowhere to be found.

"I'll always be with you, Finn," he heard his voice like a distant wind, "even if you can't see me."

Finn knew it was pointless, but he looked around anyway. All that was was the forest and the planet around him. But it was enough and he smiled. "I won't let you down, Slip."

"Well, that was illuminating."

Shara Bey Dameron nodded at her son's comment, "That it was."

Poe's eyes ran sideways, staring at the ghostly form of his mother brought back to life. For so many years, the only image he thought of her was when she was dying of a wasting disease in some hospital bed. She'd looked like the mangled form of death, her sickly and hollow form clinging onto what little life she still had left.

Maybe it was the fact he hadn't been there in her final moments that effectively seared the image in his brain. Regardless, he'd forgotten how beautiful she was, or how much he resembled her; especially their jet black hair and almost golden-hazel eyes.

"Please," she smiled at him, "you look more like your dad."

The ghost of a smirk passed his lips. "Great. First Rey, and now you. Is every woman around going to be peeping into my thoughts?"

"Not hard to do, considering you practically shout them."

"Funny," he shook his head and sighed, "Mom, what are you doing here? Why are we eavesdropping on my friend?"

Shara tilted her head with a slight annoyance, crossing her arms as she did. "What? You're saying I can't visit my son when he's in a place I can?"

"You know what I mean, Mom. Why now? Why not sooner?"

"You weren't ready. In a way you still aren't, but I got tired of waiting."

"Ready for what? To be swinging a neon stick and saving the day? Nah, I don't think so."

Shara shrugged, "It's what you wanted to be when you were ten. How many times did you break into the Praxeum back on Yavin?"

"I was a kid, mom. A stupid kid who grew up with stories of Luke Skywalker. Besides, that was a very long time ago."

"Not to me it wasn't. It honestly seems like yesterday when Yun dragged you back home after you tried to steal his lightsaber."

"Like I said, stupid."

"No," she said indignantly, "sweet, not stupid."

"Sure," he said dismissively, looking across the field at his friend who was… meditating?

"Does Dad know you're here?" he asked.

"Yes, and no. He can't exactly see me like you can, but I visit him in his dreams every now and then."

Poe raised an eyebrow, "Um, should I know what you two get up to in these dreams of yours?"

"Nothing improper if that's what you mean."

"Sure," he grinned, and she scowled.

"Believe what you want, son. Although I wish I was corporeal so I could slap you right about now."

"Yeah, that's about right," he sighed, sitting down on a moss-bitten wall, staring at nothing in particular, "that's usually how things go with any woman who spends more than five minutes with me."

"Poe…"

"Mom," he interrupted, staring up her sad, beautiful face, "if you're here to try to tell me I shouldn't hate myself, don't bother. Even Dad couldn't convince me, and he's had years."

"Why? Because you weren't there?"

"Because I was in a detox tank when you…" he couldn't bring himself to say it, "because I was a stupid kid when it mattered most and I nearly threw away everything you and Dad helped me be. I mean, if I wasn't a Dameron, I would've been out of the Academy a long time ago."

Shara made an unreadable face. He honestly couldn't tell if it was concern, disappointment or something altogether different in those deep set eyes of hers. Then strangely, she grinned, "Nearly."

"What?"

"You nearly didn't become the son I'm proud of. But you did."

"You're honestly proud of me?" Poe deadpanned.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she sat down next to him, looking over to where Finn was kneeling before the shrine, "He's all the proof I need."

"Finn? I don't understand."

She smiled nostalgically in that moment, her eyes in a different time and place altogether, "I know the feeling. A lot of people didn't understand what I saw in your father, back on Sullust I mean."

He shrugged at that. "Well, he was a Stormtrooper at the time."

"Yes, and so was Finn. He was your enemy, and yet you looked beyond that. You saw the man that he really was, and you risked life and limb to save him even when you didn't have to."

"Mom, please don't insist on us being a thing, because I don't swing that way."

Shara slapped her hand on the underside of his head, but her hand fazed right through. "Damnit," she cursed, "I honestly wouldn't care if you did, that's not my point. Besides," she broke into a sly grin, "I know how you've been looking at Deliah since the Academy."

"Mom," his face reddened, "stop trying to embarrass me."

"I'm your mother, of course I'm going to embarrass you."

"Well stop it. I'm a grown man now."

"Yes," she nodded sadly, "and yet you've been living in the past since you were 19."

"Yeah well, I've had a good reason to," he snorted, "I mean, I should've been there, at the end."

"Why?"

The question caught him off guard, "Huh?"

"Why does it matter if you were there or not? I was dying, Poe. It didn't matter if you were there or not. Honestly, I was even a bit grateful you weren't. It tore your father apart seeing me like I was, and we had months to prepare."

"I…" he couldn't finish the sentence, and he shook his head, "I just let you down, mom."

"How? I mean, look at you. Commander of a squadron? A decorated war hero? A man who would risk his life to save a stranger because you believed he was worth saving? How does any of that is you letting me down? You've become everything I wanted you to be."

"I should've been that since the beginning," he replied bitterly, "it shouldn't have taken you dying to make me a 'better' man."

She just shook her head at the statement, "Would it surprise you that I was like you at your age? When your grandfather passed away, I mean?"

That made Poe spin right around, "What? You?"

"Oh you'd be surprised. I was a flygirl, after all. A wild one at that. I loved getting into trouble."

"Because of grandpa?"

"Yes," she nodded, "I blamed myself for what happened to him for years. Until I realized something, something I didn't truly understand until I met your father," she looked right at him at that moment, her eyes staring deep into his soul, "it doesn't matter what we did then. What matters is what we do now. I even think you told Finn that."

"That…" he was about to say 'that was different,' but he held his tongue. He instead deflected, asking, "Is that why we eavesdropped on Finn's heart to heart with his bunkmate?"

"Yes," she nodded, "every action we take has a consequence, both good and bad. Especially with those closest to us. Would Finn be where he is now if not for you?"

Instantly, Poe's mind flashed back to when Finn admitted he'd wanted to die, how he questioned why Poe had chosen to see any kind of good in him. He shook his head, "It wasn't just me, mom. Rey had as much to do with it as I did."

"Except she didn't put him on the path. You did."

Poe didn't say anything, he just listened to the sounds of the forest while his brain recounted all the events that led them to this moment. Lor San, the map, being captured, escaping, meeting Finn and Rey. He actually tried to figure out the timeframe of that, but in the end he couldn't. He supposed it had been days, but it felt like years. So much of his life had changed in such a short time.

How much more was it going to change?

"Can I ask you something?" Poe turned to look up at his mother, "Did I ever do anything strange when I was younger?"

Shara smiled down at him, shaking her head, "I think you already know the answer to your real question, Poe. After all, how else are you seeing me now?"

"Touche. But why now? Why not before? I mean, I spent most of my childhood a day's walk from the Jedi Praxeum, so…?"

He let the question hang, and Shara shook her head. "I don't know. I suppose Finn might've asked the same question, considering his circumstances. It is funny actually."

"What is?"

"Well," she sat down next to him, staring off into the forest ahead, "do you remember that great Uneti tree me and your dad planted in front of our house?"

"Yeah, I built a swing from it. What about it?"

"That tree was a gift from Luke. It was one of two saplings recovered from the remains of the Old Jedi Temple on Coruscant."

Poe did a double take at that, "Seriously? How come you never told me about it?"

"Because I thought it was just a tree. I mean, it was a nice tree, but I thought that was all it was."

"But it wasn't, was it?"

She shook her head, "That tree was part of a long line from the center of the Jedi Order for thousands of years. I guess it really shouldn't be surprising that there was something special about it."

Poe gave her a funny look, "Really? I'm frickin' Force-Sensitive because of a tree? You do realize how ridiculous that sounds?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Force works in funny ways. I'd even say the Force woke in both you and Finn. Maybe it was destiny that you two met."

"Now you're sounding like Lor San."

"Was he wrong?" she asked with a smile.

"Not saying that. I just don't give a lot of stock in destiny. No, what I believe in is choice. We all choose what we're gonna be," he looked over at Finn, "and he looks like he's figured out what he's gonna do."

"Have you?"

Poe looked back to her, and he closed his eyes for a moment, "Am I really Force Sensitive?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I don't deserve such power."

"Poe, don't give me the false humility. The Force chose you for a reason, and it is far beyond what you give it credit for."

"But what if it made a mistake?"

"As you said, it's all a matter of choice. You choose what to do with the power you are given, not the Force itself."

Poe sighed in reluctance at the idea. Shara, with a hint of frustration, suddenly asked, "What would you do with it? This power you have inside of you?"

Poe stared hard at his mother, gazing into her eyes. "Do you even have to ask?"

Shara smiled, "No, I don't. You're a hero, Poe, even if you don't believe it. After all, what matters is what we do now, and I already know what you're going to do next."

"Because you're a ghost?"

"Because I'm your mother."

Strangely, unexpectedly, Poe began to shake. He didn't know why at first, not until a flood of emotions flooded over him to the point that tears started to fall down his cheeks. More than anything in the moment, he wanted to embrace his mother. To hold her, and it pained him even more that he couldn't.

"I miss you, Mom," he whispered, his voice breaking as did the mask he'd worn for half of his life, "I miss you every damn day."

Shara smiled the way only a parent could. "I never left, and I will always be with you. You just have to look."

She reached her hand out to him, just barely touching his cheek a hair's breadth from phasing through. From what he'd seen, Poe knew his mother couldn't physically touch him and by definition he shouldn't be able to feel anything. Yet, he did. It was like a dam breaking, and he shuddered in response.

Her smile melted his heart. "I'm so proud of you, son. Now, go and be the good man I know you are."

Poe smiled back, closing his eyes and taking in everything at once. Then something changed, and when he opened his eyes, she was gone. All that was left was the world in a new light.

"Yes ma'am."

"Hey Dad, Mom. It's me again."

Rey stared into the endless green of the forest ahead, the sounds of its wildlife her only reply. She sighed, shaking her head as she focused her mind on the meditation. She reached her feelings out, connecting with the life around like million firelights around her, and attempted to reach deeper into the void that lay under the surface. As her mind dug through, she hoped to catch a glimpse of who she was looking for.

In the end, all she found was the sea but not the fish. She snorted in frustration, her hands rippling through her hair as her breath came out as vetted suspire. "C'mon, I know you're there. Pick up, please."

There was nothing. Not even a stifle of movement in the Force. Part of Rey wanted to scream. It wasn't fair; why did Poe and Finn get to see their lost ones but not her? What did this place want with her exactly? How much more did the Force, the universe, or whatever else demand from her before it-

"Stop whining," she chided herself with a long drawn out exhale, "it's unbecoming. I mean, who are you to demand anything? You're just a gal with a lightsaber and a lot of questions, right?"

She honestly didn't know who she was saying this to, and she doubted Finn or Poe would hear her. She didn't care really. Or was that just another lie to keep the crippling depression at bay?

"I mean, why me? Why not someone else? Someone a lot more qualified than me? Dad," she shook her head, "you know it. I'm not a teacher, I've never been one. Fixing machines, keeping the boys out of trouble, that's what I was good at. But this? Well, I'm no Yoda. I'm not even a Kenobi, for crying out loud."

Either she was imagining things, or did that convor owl just hoot at her?

"Oh shut up," she grinned at the bird, which in turn narrowed its vulpine eyes at her, "I haven't had the chance to gripe in years, gimme a break."

The owl just tilted its head at her, studying her curiously.

"Yeah well, I suppose with my luck… my luck," she snorted at the idea, "my parents are gone, my friends, the man I loved betrayed everything and… well, at this point I'm probably the last Jedi left in this stupid galaxy. So can you tell me why that is, Mr. Eavesdropper?"

The owl shrugged and took off in flight.

"Yeah, I didn't think so."

She tried again, reaching out to that never-ending sea of life around her, but what she was looking for wasn't there.

"Mom, Dad? If you're out there, somewhere? I… I really need some help here. It doesn't have to be much. I just need someone to talk to, y'know? I mean, you two went through it. The Empire, I mean. What did you do? Okay, correction. How did you do it? Can you tell me that much?"

At first, there was nothing. Then just as she was about to give into her frustration, she heard the convor owls perched on the high reaches of the ruins surrounding her, hooting down at her.

"What are you trying to show me?"

It was clearly a family unit: two females and a male. The male, she guessed the dad, suddenly flew out in wide sweeping arcs over and over again. The smaller of the females looked apprehensive at her parent… until her mum gave her a nice peck at the tail that made her drop and start flying.

"Cheeky," Rey grinned as the owl struggled to maintain her altitude, dad coming in now and then to help maintain her flight. Eventually, the chick dove for solid ground, and the father landed in after her. At first, the tiercel tried to buffet his chick out, but she wouldn't budge.

After a while, the father gave up and started flying around again, showing off by example until he came back down again. She still wouldn't move, so he tried it again and again, always coming back with a sort 'see?' look on his avian features. He took off for a fourth time, Rey feeling the frustration from him before the chick suddenly took off after him, flying in sync with her dad.

They did so for close to a minute, doing flybys until the chick got the hang of it. Once she did, the whole family took off, flying over Rey's head so closely she could've touched them. As they went off into the distance to probably ruin some other critters day, Rey nodded with a smile. "Thanks for the lesson."

She suddenly felt movement in the forest ahead, and she turned to see someone running her way. It was Ranger Wyatt.

"Ah, there you are. Yer one hard lady to track down, y'know that?" the older man panted, "Where's Turncoat and the Poster Boy?"

"Is something wrong?"

"The Senate meeting's starting on Chandrila. Broadcasts gonna be goin' up in a few minutes. Boss wants everybody in attendance. Now c'mon, I didn't burn my damn lungs out fer nothin', y'know?"