Chapter 7

Songs:

Say Nothing, Theory of a Deadman
Let Her Go, Passenger
Forever Young, Audra Mae & The Forest Rangers

**Please join me in welcoming aushapasha as one of my amazing prereaders! Ceceprincess1217 was out when I made the decision to write beyond the ExB split, but I still love her. ;)

**Please see A/N below for posting information!

Summer 2010 through Spring 2011

Edward

Light burns through my eyelids, making the pounding in my head intensify. I groan and try to roll onto my side to block out the obnoxious glare, but a warm, solid mass is in my way. I crack open an eye, and I'm met with a tangle of brown hair. For one brief, hopeful moment, I think I've somehow found my way back into Bella's bed, but my momentary hope is crushed when the girl groans.

I know each and every one of Bella's sounds, and this girl is not Bella.

With the sheet still wrapped around her, she rolls to her back. "Hey," she says, her voice rough and her light brown eyes blinking up at me.

"Morning." I scrub a hand over my face and sit up, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking around for my pants.

She reaches for me, her hands gliding up my back, and her touch makes me flinch. I jump up, and her hands drop to the mattress.

"You okay?" she asks.

"Yeah. I, uh ..." I scan the floor, finding my jeans and hastily pulling them on. "I just need to get outta here." I look over my shoulder, doing my damnedest to remember her name but coming up short.

"Look," she says, sitting up as she gathers the sheet tighter to her body, "I don't usually do this."

"Do what?" I ask, pulling my hoodie over my head and shoving my feet into my boots. I need to get the fuck out of here.

"Hook up." She shrugs a shoulder. "I just wanted you to know I don't usually do this kind of thing."

"It's cool." My stomach revolts at my blasé attitude about fucking this girl. I can't even remember her name. "I'm sure we had a good time." I reach for the doorknob, but before I turn it, the chick calls out.

"Maybe we can hang out sometime."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." Without another look back, I flee the scene, practically running down the stairs. I have to step over the strays passed out on the floor on my way to the door. There are even more laid out on the couches, comatose from the partying they did the night before. If this is what a house party looks like, I'm not so sure this is my scene. I'm all for having a good time but waking up in a strange bed with a nameless girl isn't my style.

Stepping out into the morning sunlight, I squint, the throbbing in my head getting worse. I feel the telltale acid crawling up my throat, and my gut feels like it turns inside out. I run toward the hedges just in time to empty my stomach of whatever the fuck I drank last night. When I'm finally done, I stand upright, groaning as I wipe my mouth on the sleeve of my hoodie.

Behind the bushes is a garden hose, and I use it to rinse the rancid taste out of my mouth. I hold the end of the hose to my face, allowing the cold water to wash over me, secretly hoping that it'll wake me from this twisted nightmare. But when moments pass and I'm still crouched in someone else's yard, with a hangover and flashes of memories of the night before swirling in my head, I realize it's not a nightmare.

I've officially become that asshole.

I reach for the spigot, turning off the water and rising to my feet. Using my clean sleeve, I wipe my face before walking toward my bike. Jazz's is nowhere to be found. He's either in someone else's bed or someone is in his. Either way, it gives me the time to think as I ride home without him asking questions I don't want to answer.

I slip on my sunglasses and brain bucket, taking the long way back. I don't even realize where I am until I see Charlie Swan's cruiser parked in his driveway. My gaze locks on Bella's window as I pass, and for one agonizing second, I imagine she's smiling down at me, even though I know it's impossible. I kick my bike down into fourth and roll back the throttle, quickly putting as much distance between Bella and me as I can.

When I finally get home and pull into the driveway, I'm ready to crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the day away. I shed my clothes and fall into bed. Pulling the covers over my head to block out the world, I slip into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

The sun is setting when I finally wake up, and I stumble my way into the shower in an attempt to wash off last night. Even though I wash away the funk and can think a little more clearly, my body still isn't happy with me. My stomach grumbles, still turned inside out, so I whip up one of the only things I know to make: a greasy, cheesy omelette.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Jazz says as he walks into the kitchen. "When did you finally roll home?"

"This morning," I grunt as I take another bite. I chew it slowly, looking up at my roommate. "Didn't you hear me come in?"

Jazz smirks, looking my way and cocking a brow. "Nah. I was ... occupied. I'm surprised you didn't hear her, man. Chick was fucking nuts." He chuckles and shakes his head, turning back to the fridge to grab some food for himself. "What happened to you? You disappeared on me last night."

I ignore his question and focus on my plate.

"What? Don't wanna talk about it?" he asks as he plops down into the chair across from me.

"Not really."

"Did you end up finding somebody to pull that stick you've been walking around with for the last three months outta your ass?"

I look up at him and scowl.

He raises his hands. "Okay. I'll back off. Damn, man."

I stab my breakfast with my fork, summarily putting an end to the conversation.

"Wanna tell me what crawled up your ass?" Pop smacks me on the back of the head as he sits beside me on the bench of the picnic table. "You've been stomping around here like a chick with PMS for weeks now."

I take a long drag from my smoke and blow it out, flicking the ash to the ground. I stare off toward the gates, toward where I know the Big Dipper ice cream shop sits around the corner.

I've see Bella walk past almost every day after school, heading to her job, no doubt. It's torture to know she's so close, but even more out of my reach now that I've fucked everything up more than it was before.

The guilt over what I've done has eaten away at me so badly I couldn't even bring myself to send her a goddamn card for her birthday last month. And Alice told me Bella spent her seventeenth birthday alone.

I turn my head and narrow my eyes at him. "You mean besides the fact I've had my life turned upside down?"

"Oh, come on. So you had to break up with your girlfriend. You'll get over it. And you know what they say? The best way to get over someone is to—"

I jump off the tabletop and snuff out my smoke with my boot, stomping back toward the shop and leaving my father cackling behind me.

"What's his deal?" Mase asks as I walk back through the bay door.

"He's an asshole," I grind out.

My brother laughs. "Well, yeah, we've always known that. But what's his deal today? Whatever he said must've gotten under your skin."

"He's just being a prick."

We work alongside each other in relative silence, only the sounds of the shop filling the air. I'm halfway through an oil change before Mase speaks up.

"You doing okay? You've been pretty pissy the last few weeks. Even more so than before." His voice lowers so I'm the only one to hear him. "What gives?"

With my hand still on the filter I'm screwing into place, I rest my head on my forearm. "I fucked up," I mumble.

Mase looks around and leans in closer. "What did you do?" he whispers.

I swallow down the guilt I feel every time I think about it. "Went to a house party with Jazz and got fucked up. Woke up in bed with some girl."

"Oh, shit," he breathes out.

"Yeah." I look over my shoulder and meet my brother's wide eyes. "Like I said, I fucked up."

"What about Bel—"

"Don't."

"I thought you two had something going on ... on the down-low. Sneaking around or some shit."

I shake my head, tightening the filter. "No. We decided not to risk getting caught." I shrug a shoulder like this whole mess hasn't ripped out my heart. "I mean, we officially broke up months ago."

"Yeah, but—"

"But nothing," I snap. I hit the button on the lift to lower the car. "We're not together, but fucking some random chick—I can't remember her name, by the way—still makes me an asshole. I shouldn't have even been there. I just—" I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the hazy memories from that night that I can't seem to forget. "I'm an idiot."

"Hey," he says, grabbing my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "Shit happens. So, you fucked up. Bella is a smart girl. She's gotta know shit we don't plan for happens. And everybody knows you two are supposed to be together. I know you'll be able to work it out. If that's what you still want, anyway."

"I still want it, but I'm not so sure she'll be able to forgive me, Mase."

He smiles. "She loves you, man. What else do you need? You'll see, she'll forgive you, and you'll be married and popping out a couple of kids in a few years."

I hang on to that thought with a death grip, praying to any deity that'll listen that she can forgive me when the time comes.

But that all goes to shit when the girl, whose name I now know is Angela, shows up a week later with news I'm in no way ready to hear.

"You're sure it's yours?" Pop asks, rubbing a hand over his face. "Jesus, Edward. How could you be so fucking careless?"

With my arms crossed over my chest and my head tilted back, staring off into space, I give the only excuse I have. "I was drunk off my ass." I tilt my head forward, meeting the disapproving faces of my parents. "She says it's mine, and I don't have any reason to not believe her."

Mom nods once and takes a deep breath before blowing it out. "First things first, does she plan to keep it? If she's planning to—"

"We talked about all that, and she wants to keep it."

"Okay then," Mom says. "Do you have a plan? Are you two together?"

I shake my head before the words are even out of her mouth. "No. We went to grab some food and other than the—" I take a breath of my own and blow it out, trying to relax the knot in my gut. "Other than the baby, we didn't have one thing in common to talk about. She's nice and all, but ..." I shake my head. "We aren't together, and I don't see that changing. Besides the fact that we don't exactly run in the same circles, she's ... not exactly my type."

Pop grunts in my general direction, crossing his own arms. "Well, she was obviously enough of your type to fu—"

"That's enough, Carl. You're not helping," Mom says before turning back to me. "Back to my other question. Do you have a plan? We can settle the paternity with a test easily enough, and if it's yours, you need to figure out how you're going to support the baby. Have you talked about how much she wants you involved? Do we need to see a lawyer to discuss custody or visitation?"

"Um." I clear my throat. "She's in her first year of classes at the community college, so she's still living at home. She's on her dad's insurance, too, so we talked about copays and stuff. I think I can handle covering half that shit. As far as the other ... She seemed pretty willing to work something out." I shrug a shoulder, my thumbnail ringing a groove in the wood grain of the tabletop. "Guess a few things will be changing."

Pop levels me with a glare. "Boy, you have no idea."

The following months are spent working my ass off, getting as many hours in the shop as I can. After I pay Jazz my portion of the rent and utilities, make my bike payment, and hand over a wad of cash to Angela every month, I barely have enough to buy my cigarettes. I'm tired and overworked, and to top it all off, my sister won't speak to me.

When Ali found out about the baby, she was understandably torn. She wanted to be happy about the kid, but she was heartbroken for Bella. When I found out Bella heard the news at school, I puked. Not only was I coward for not telling her myself, but I also knew how much it hurt her to find out, and that way. So, I threw myself into working as much as I could.

Try as I might, it's impossible not to constantly ask Ali about Bella. But, being the supportive friend, she refuses to tell me anything. Other than the occasional text telling me to steer clear of the house when Bella's there, I don't hear anything about her.

The day I go with Angela for her ultrasound, I'm antsy as fuck. I get side-eyed in the waiting room by other patients, and Angela's mother is with us. To say I'm uncomfortable is putting it fucking mildly. But the moment the tech flips the screen around for us to look, something inside me switches. And when she tells us it's a boy, I start to feel an attachment I haven't up until now. The baby is no longer an it or the kid. Now it's my son.

As the days heat up, I pass by the ice cream shop more often, never quite working up the courage to go inside. Mase tells me I'm a pussy for avoiding Bella, and I don't deny it. I know I'm avoiding her, but I don't think I can face her yet. An early spring storm changes all that, though.

Knowing rain is forecast for the day, I drive into work instead of riding, and just before quitting time, the skies open up. As I drive slowly toward home, I notice a raincoat-covered person dodging puddles on the sidewalk. When I get closer, I realize who it is. I slow the car to almost a stop and lean over the passenger seat, rolling down the window a crack.

"Bella," I shout over the heavy rain hitting the roof of my car, but she ignores me. "Get in the car, Bella."

"I'm fine," she answers, forging ahead, her head lowered against the onslaught of raindrops.

"Don't make me get out and make you get in the car."

With a strangled cry, she stops walking, turning to meet my eyes through the crack in the window. What I see there is something I'm not used to seeing on her face—heartbroken anger.

She yanks open the passenger door and slides into the seat, crossing her arms over her chest in a huff. "Just take me home."

I shift the car into gear and slowly pull away from the curb. We don't speak at first, and as the cabin of the car fills with her scent, I breathe it in like an addict. But I also know what needs to be said today, and I'm avoiding it like the goddamn plague. The tension in the car is thick. As soon as I open my mouth, this moment will be over and she'll never talk to me again. But the words get lodged in my throat.

"You're gonna be a dad," she finally croaks, breaking the silence.

I swallow and nod. "Yeah." I decide then it's best to pull over. I shift into neutral and set the brake. Before I can cut the engine, I hear her sniffle, and it shreds what's left of my heart. "He'll be here in about a month," I finally say, my voice cracking.

She nods and slowly turns her head, her red-rimmed eyes meeting mine. "Guess that changes things."

"Yeah, it does."

Again, she nods, looking down at her lap. "Are you with her?"

"No, Bella. We're not together. I can't ..." I shake my head. "It wasn't like that."

"So, it was a fuck and duck?"

I don't reply. There's really no reason to. We both know what it was.

Silence stretches between us, but the rain continues to pound on the roof and windshield, drowning out everything else. I want to turn and beg for her forgiveness, but I know it won't change anything. Even if she were able to get over what I've done, the circumstances that have brought us to where we are haven't changed. And with my son on his way, things have gotten infinitely more complicated. At this point, it wouldn't be fair to her to even ask her to forgive me.

It kills me, but I know what I need to do.

"You need to move on and forget about us," I say in a strangled whisper. My eyes sting as acid creeps up my throat. It's a fucking abomination, what I'm of asking her, but it's the only way to make sure she has a normal life. If she sticks around, she'll end up resenting me.

When she turns to me, her eyes are shining with tears and anger. "Oh, believe me, I'm trying to." She blinks, and those gathered tears roll down her cheeks. "I know when I'm not wanted. I'm well acquainted with rejection."

She reaches for the door handle, but I grab her arm. "Wait."

She looks over her shoulder at me, and if looks could kill, I'd be dead on the spot. "Take your hand off me," she bites out.

"Do you have any idea—" I let go of her arm and rub at my eyes, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "My life is about to change in ways I know I'm not ready for. I can't ... I can't ask you to stick around through all of that. And to be honest, I really need to focus on my ... my son."

Her stare never leaves me, but she says nothing.

"And you should be focusing on school ... what you're going to do after graduation. That's only a couple months away, right? You should get out of here, go make a life for yourself in a big city. This place was always too small for you. Go live your life, Bella."

She laughs then, a hollow, soulless laugh, and it's a sound that will haunt me for the rest of my life. "Thanks for the ride, Edward." She reaches for the door handle, turning to look at me as she pulls. "It's been real." Without another word, she slips out of the car and into the rain.

Angela's call comes early on a Wednesday morning in May, two full weeks before her due date. Her water's broken and they're on the way to the hospital. I flip the hell out, calling Mom and Pop with shaking hands and feeling like I'm about to throw up. When we finally get to the hospital, I spend most of my time outside Angela's room. The feeling like I'm going to puke only gets worse every time I hear her cry out when she has a contraction.

Mom slips from the room and stands beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist. "You need to be in there. You don't want to miss the birth of your son, Edward," she chides.

"I don't know if I can do this," I whisper, looking into the room when a nurse walks out, Angela's wail echoing as the door closes. "I'm going to fuck that kid up."

She turns and cradles my cheeks in her hands. "You're going to do your best, and that's all any parent can do. Now go," she says, gently nudging my shoulder. "Go be there when he comes into the world. You'll never forgive yourself if you aren't."

I swallow my fears and walk into the room, and even though I'm scared shitless, I stand at Angela's bedside and hold her hand as she pushes. It takes for-fucking-ever, but eventually, he's out.

From the moment our son takes his first breaths, I stand there speechless, watching and taking it all in. Once he's placed on Angela's chest, I'm handed a pair of scissors, and with shaking hands I cut the cord. He's cleaned and swaddled, and once all the hospital personnel have done what they need to do and cleared the room, we're left alone. I finally work up the courage to hold him.

"Just support his head," Angela says softly as she places him in my arms.

Up until this very moment, having a kid, a son, was a very abstract idea. Even as I watched him being born, and as the doctors and nurses tended to him, it was like I was on the outside looking in. But now that I'm looking down into the grey-blue eyes of my son, I realize the full weight of how my life has changed. This tiny person in my arms is completely dependent on me and Angela to take care of him.

A nurse chooses that moment to walk into the room, quietly walking over to the computer in the corner and typing away. "So, Mom and Dad, have we decided on a name?" she asks, peeking around the monitor. "If you're ready we can fill out the birth certificate."

Angela and I exchange a look, and at her nod, I turn back to the nurse. "Yeah, we have." I turn my attention to the tiny person in my arms and smile at the thought of giving him my name.

"Seth Isaac Cullen."

A/N: So, how are we feeling? What are we thinking? There was some misconception that Edward and Angela were "together" or even married at some point. As you can see, that didn't happen. Bella also isn't going to just fall into Masen's arms. As you can imagine, she's going to be a little gun shy. We've still got quite a ways to go. ;)

Okay, full disclosure on posting ... I'm writing. My week off was productive, and I appreciate your patience. I was able to catch my breath and add to my banked chapters of both this story and Clutch. But RL is still kicking everyone's ass. I think I've reached a point where I may not be able to post both stories weekly, but I will try. It's asking a lot of my beta to edit so many words every week, so this one will update on Fridays when I have it back from her, which may not be weekly. Thank you so much for your understanding.

Remember, you can come chat with me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics, even if it's just to talk about your day or share a meme or joke. Anything to make each other smile. I also share teasers and chapter pics there. You can also follow me on Twitter at CSunshine1220.

Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.

Lots of love
~Sunshine