Chapter 8
Songs:
What Hurts the Most, a cover by Aron Lewis (only available on YouTube I think)
Bleeding Out, Imagine Dragons
Best I Can, Art of Dying
**Note we're backing up like, A LOT to cover Bella's experience from the moments after Charlie hauled Edward away through the following weeks. In chapter 9, we'll cover all that and leave us where we left Edward at the end of chapter 7.
Late June through September 2010
Bella
Water drips from my hair onto the cotton, and my skin is still damp from my shower. With trembling hands, I pull the sheet and comforter over my bed. My stomach twists and rolls as I think about what happened less than thirty minutes ago, when Edward was ripped away from me, quite literally.
The slamming of the front door makes me jump, and I clamber onto the bed, pulling my pillow into my lap to hold onto. Charlie's heavy footfalls rush up the stairs, and I brace myself for what's coming.
He doesn't disappoint.
"How long?" he demands as my door swings open. "How long have you been whoring yourself out to that degenerate?"
I focus my attention on the faint floral pattern of my pillowcase and remain silent, foolishly hoping he'll just go away.
"I asked you a question, Isabella. Answer me!"
I look up then, my tearful eyes wide and pleading, but for what I don't know. "A while," I say, my voice cracking.
"I thought I told you to stay away from him ... from all of them!"
I breathe in and out, trying to calm my racing heart, but the deeper I breathe, the more air I feel like I need. "You did," I whisper as a sob builds in my chest.
"You have no idea what you're dealing with, girl," he growls.
"I love him," I manage to say through stuttered breaths.
"You don't love him. You're too young to know a goddamn thing about love."
I look up at him then, my tear-filled eyes finally giving up the fight as the wetness rolls down my cheeks. "I know he told me he loved me," I rasp, "which is more than you've ever done."
"That boy doesn't love you," he scoffs, not denying my accusation. "You spread your legs for him like a little slut. Of course, he's gonna say he loves you. I was a nineteen-year-old boy once, too. There's only one thing on the mind of a kid his age." He looks down on me with disgust for his own flesh and blood shining in his eyes. "And you willingly gave it up just like your whore mother did."
My heart pounds in my chest, my throat is thick, and all the indifference I've had for this man swells and morphs into pure hatred for the way he's treated me since I moved in with him. "I hate you!" I yell, choking on the words. "You're a bastard, and I hope you burn in hell!"
He's across the room in the blink of an eye, the back of his hand landing on my cheek with enough force to send me backward onto my bed. "Watch your goddamn mouth. You will not talk to me like that. Do you understand?"
Stunned, I cradle my cheek in my hand. All of my emotions bubble up inside me, and I can't hold them any longer. A sob escapes me, breaking the dam I've built up inside. Unable to face my father any longer, I roll onto my side and turn my back to him, allowing my tears to fall onto my pillow.
For several moments, he just stands there, his presence a dark cloud looming over me. "You're grounded," he finally says. "Do you hear me?"
I remain quiet, giving him no answer other than my silence as the tears continue to stream down my cheeks.
"For the rest of the summer, no more sleepovers, no more disappearing during the day. And you won't have anything else to do with that family. Do you hear me? Nothing. You won't see Edward Cullen again. You've lied to me for months about what you've been up to, who you've been spending your time with, and it ends today. I warned you to stay away from them, and I meant it."
I squeeze my eyes closed, my heart physically aching as it shatters in my chest. I hold my breath, doing my best to silence the hiccupping sobs that rack my body.
"I know you don't see it right now, but I'm protecting you, Bella. Not only is his family bad news, but Edward's an adult. He has no business being with you, even if it is just to get you into bed. If he has any contact with you, I won't hesitate to throw his ass in jail."
I try to stifle my tears, swallowing convulsively to will them away, but they continue to fall. My only reprieve will be when he leaves my room, then I'll be allowed to cry freely, allowed to spill my anguish onto the cotton beneath my cheek, but he's not through with me yet.
"You're not leaving this house unless it's to go to the grocery store, and when classes start back up, you'll go to school and come home. That's it."
His footsteps grow distant, and my bedroom door closes, the echo of it latching like a lock being turned on everything I had planned. But I have to have faith Edward and I will find a way to be together.
We have to.
It's four days before the bruises on my face are light enough to venture out of the house. I use the makeup Alice convinced me to buy months ago but rarely wear to try and conceal them, but by the time I make it to the ice cream shop to pick up an application, most of it has melted off.
When I finally face Edward, he shatters what's left of my hopes.
My feet feel like they weigh a ton as I pedal home from the Cullens' shop, our words to each other playing on a loop in my head.
"I don't want to let you go," I whispered.
"I don't either, baby. But we have to ... for now."
All the plans we made are on hold ... indefinitely, and I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to get back there. Nothing could have prepared me for the gaping hole Edward's words left in my heart. Knowing he won't be there in the coming months, even with his promise, somehow feels too final. I've not felt this alone since my mother died.
When I finally drag myself through my front door, the weight of it all crashes down on me. It takes every ounce of energy I have to make it up the stairs before collapsing into my nest of sheets and blankets ... the same unwashed sheets and blankets that still smell like us days later.
I do my best to block out the world, only coming out of my room to use the bathroom and get a drink of water. I spend most of my time staring blankly out the window, wishing I could wake up from this nightmare and gripping my E ring so tightly it leaves marks in my palm. During the day, Alice leaves message after message, begging me to call her back, but I can't bring myself to do it. The most effort I can muster is going to the answering machine to erase the messages before Charlie hears them. I have a feeling he wouldn't be happy with a Cullen trying to contact me.
But just hearing her voice, knowing she's worried, is enough to remind me there are still people in the world who care about me.
"Are you still moping?" Charlie grumbles from his recliner as I walk down the stairs. "You need to snap out of it." He cracks open a beer and turns his attention back to the baseball game highlights on the TV. "It's time to get back to normal around here," he says under his breath as he brings his can to his lips.
I try not to think about the fact that it's only ten in the morning and he's already started drinking.
It's been a week since I last saw Edward. A week since he said we shouldn't be together until I'm eighteen. A week since I had my heart ripped out. I can barely drag myself out of bed most days, but I know I need to get my act together. My job interview at the Big Dipper later this afternoon won't go well if I show up in the three-day-old pajamas I'm wearing.
I ignore Charlie's less than supportive mumbling and walk past the living room to the kitchen. Snatching a box of cereal from the cabinet, I reach inside the inner bag, grabbing a handful and stuffing it into my mouth. It's on the short list of food I've eaten in the last week and seeing my hipbones in the mirror this morning has me grabbing an extra handful.
I stare at the back of my father's head as I chew, wishing there was a way to hurt him the way he's hurt me, a way to take something he holds dear. If only I could cause him a fraction of the heartache he's caused me, then maybe he'd understand what he's done. But the longer I think about it, the more I realize there probably isn't anything he cares enough about that its absence would mean anything to him.
It certainly isn't me.
Letting out a sigh, I turn around, putting the cereal box back in the cabinet. I fill a glass from the tap and drink as I stare out the window over the sink. My movements are stiff, robotic, and the hollow, tinny echo from the television speakers only adds to the out of body experience I feel like I've been trapped in.
I try to escape Charlie's notice on my way back to the sanctuary of my room, but he stops me.
"Where are you going? You just came downstairs."
I open my mouth to speak, but my unused voice sticks in my throat. I cough, clearing it, but the words that come out are still raspy. It's been days since I've spoken to anyone.
"Did you forget? You said I could apply for that job at the ice cream shop. If I'm going, I need a shower."
He eyes me up and down and cocks a brow. "Yeah, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea. It's been a few days." He turns back to the TV. "Maybe you'll feel like cleaning this place up once you're dressed. And let me know if you need a ride," he says absentmindedly as he stares at the noisy box in front of him.
I shake my head and turn to walk back up the stairs, deciding then and there that other than a roof over my head, I don't need a goddamn thing from Charlie Swan.
"Please come over," Alice begs through the phone.
"You know I can't, Ali." I cross my legs as I sit in the middle of my bed, wishing she'd stop asking. "I don't want to see—"
"By the time you get here, he won't even be here," she whispers. "He's loading up the last of his crap in his car."
"He's really leaving?" My throat tightens just thinking about him, and I absentmindedly play with the chain around my neck that holds the ring he gave me.
"He is. He said he didn't want to keep you from coming over, so please, Bella. There's no reason you can't."
I hesitate, looking out the window and seeing Charlie's cruiser. "It's not the only reason, Ali."
"Your dad still being an asshole?"
"That's the understatement of the century." I huff and fall back into my pillows, lowering my voice. "If he finds out I went over to your house, he's likely to literally lock me in my room."
"You have to go to work, right? Just tell him your schedule changed and you have to work tomorrow. Problem solved."
I chew on my lip, mulling over what she's suggesting, and I come up with another obstacle. "What about your parents? I have a feeling they wouldn't want to see me right now."
"Well, you're in luck. They left this morning with most of the club for the rally in Sturgis and won't be back for ten whole days."
"Really?"
"Really, Bella. Come on. You need to come over. You've been crying in my ear for the last few weeks." Her voice lowers to the one I can't say no to. "I need to give my friend a hug."
"Here you go," I say with a smile as I hand over the double scoop cone to the little girl on the other side of the counter. "Have a great day."
She grins back before turning to run off with her brother. Seeing the little kids smile over something as simple as extra sprinkles on their cones is probably the best part of this job.
My first month at the Big Dipper has been good. As the mid-August afternoons continue to heat up, more people come through the doors, making my days go faster. And when the store is full of people, I almost can't hear the roar of bikes when the club rides past.
But today the shop is fairly empty. The chime over the door rings, and I look up and see a familiar smiling face.
"Hey, Mase," I say, my smile only somewhat forced, because his is contagious.
"Hey, Bella." With his Cullen and Sons overshirt held in his hand and his grease-stained wife beater on full display, Masen lopes toward the counter. He stares into the glass case full of colorful ice cream, and his eyes light up like one of the kids I've served today.
"What can I get for you?"
"A double scoop of rocky road," he says with zero hesitation.
"Cup or cone?"
"Cone."
"Waffle, cake, or sugar?" I ask as I turn to grab a cone. I look over my shoulder and I'm met with a crooked smile and bright, twinkling blues.
"Sugar, please."
I nod and get to work, scooping his ice cream onto the cone. The whole time, I can feel his eyes on me, but I ignore it, focusing on my task. I hand over his cone and smile. "Here ya go."
"Thanks," he says as he takes a huge bite.
"Doesn't that hurt your teeth?" I ask as I walk toward the register to ring him up.
The corner of his mouth rises in another grin, and he shakes his head, pulling a bill from his pocket. "Nah."
I hand him the change, and he dumps it in the tip jar with a wink. "For you."
My cheeks heat up, even with the chill rolling off the freezer case. "Thanks." I shake my head and turn my attention to cleaning up after the afternoon rush.
Masen walks over to the window to look outside as he eats his ice cream, and I laugh.
"Are you not leaving?"
He turns back to me and grins again. "And have this shit melt all over my hand before I even get back to the shop? Nah," he says, shaking his head and walking back over to the counter, "E would tease me relentlessly if he caught me taking an ice cream break."
My movements still at the mention of his brother, but he doesn't notice. Instead, he keeps talking.
He looks bashful all of a sudden, and shy is something Masen Cullen is not. "Besides, this is something I do on my own every year."
"Get ice cream?" There's just the smallest bit of teasing in my voice. "I find it hard to believe you only go out for ice cream once a year."
His smile dims, and his eyes fall to the cone in his hand. "No. It's something my mom would do with me on her good days." He shrugs a shoulder. "I always get a double dip of her favorite on the anniversary of her death. She's been gone twelve years today."
Guilt about teasing him twists my gut. "Oh, Mase, I'm—"
"It's all good." He looks up, his smile brightening again. "She wasn't all bad, you know. I do have a few good memories of her, and this"—he holds up his half-eaten cone—"is one of them."
"That's ... really sweet that you remember her that way."
He nods, his head bobbing, but doesn't say much else. He lingers and I continue working, the music pumping through the speakers just as sugary-sweet as the ice cream we serve.
"I needed a break from work anyway. My brother's been a moody son of a bitch the last month. He's been especially unbearable today, so I needed to get out of there for a few. Him and Jazz have had a dozen smoke breaks already, so I figured I could disappear and grab—" And like it's only dawning on him that he's talking about his brother, his mouth snaps shut. "Shit," he mumbles. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean—"
"It's okay." This time, my smile is forced, and it's all I can do not to break down into a pile of sobbing teenage angst in the middle of the shop.
"No, it's really not. It was a dick move to bring him up."
"Did the club get back from Sturgis yet?" I ask over my shoulder, desperately trying to change the subject.
"They should be back in a couple of days." He stares down at his half-eaten cone and huffs before looking up at me. "I'm really sorry, Bella."
"It's okay." I focus on wiping the counter. "So, your brother and Jazz didn't go with them?"
"No. Jazz doesn't have his patch yet, and E is just a hang around right now. Pop only took a handful of patched guys this year. And a few of their old ladies went this time, which they don't always do."
"Yeah, I knew Esme went along this year."
His smile widens, and that mischievous glint I've come to know as Masen's sparkles in his eyes. "Yes, she did."
I laugh and cross my arms over my chest. "You two don't get along, do you?"
He raises a brow. "You serious with that? No, we definitely do not get along. The woman tolerates me ... barely."
Before I can ask any more questions, the bell over the door chimes, signaling more customers. And judging by the size of the group of kids, it's going to take me a while to serve them all.
Masen calls out over the excited chatter of the kids. "Catch ya later, Bella." And with a chin jerk and another wink, he disappears out the door.
It's cooled off since the sun has set, so the three-mile walk home after work isn't so bad. It's much more pleasant than the walk into work in the afternoon. The hardest part of the whole ordeal is walking past Cullen and Sons Automotive.
Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of Edward, and it takes all my self-control not to run to him and beg him to change his mind about waiting to be together. But I know it would only bring more problems. So, I continue on, hurrying along a little faster when I reach the shop's gates.
My brand-new cell phone vibrates in my pocket, and I answer, already knowing who it is.
"Hey, Ali."
"Hey, you. Are you home yet?"
"No. I just left. What's up?" I ask as I look both ways before crossing the street at the corner.
"Nothing, really. Can't a girl call her friend?" A beat passes and her voice lowers. "I guess I just miss you."
I think back to the first few weeks following the break-up. Ali was persistent, calling me every day, whether I spoke to her or not. She'd blather on over the line about this or that, some movie she'd watched or some designer outfit she'd seen in a magazine, just anything to fill the silence. I rarely said anything, choosing to just listen, but those calls reminded me I had a life outside of Edward. I had a friend who cared enough about me to check on me, and it helped me put one foot in front of the other each day. And once I started working at the Big Dipper, I started to shed some of the crushing sadness that had weighed me down for so long.
I owe Ali a lot for pulling me out of my funk.
"Do you think we can hit a movie or something this weekend?" she asks, snapping me out of my memories.
"Maybe."
"Do you know yet if Charlie's working Saturday?"
"Not for sure, but he probably is. I should be able to sneak away for a few hours."
"Are you two still not speaking?"
"Not unless it's necessary."
She sighs, and I already know what she's going to say. "You know you can't give him the silent treatment forever, Bella."
"I absolutely can," I scoff.
She presses on, ignoring my mini tantrum. "No, I'm serious. You're eventually going to have to speak to him."
"I don't have to do anything, Ali. He can fuck right off if he thinks I'm going to get over this any time soon."
With another sigh, she relents, knowing there's no arguing with me about Charlie. That subject is closed.
The weeks pass quickly. All too soon, summer is over, and school is back in session. My first day of senior year is not what I expected. Alice and I only have one class together, and outside of Algebra II, I only see her at lunch.
It's not anything like last year when almost all of our classes were together. Even seeing Masen's smiling face between classes last year was enough to brighten my day. It kept me connected to Edward in a way and made the days pass more quickly. Not seeing any of them this year is making my lack of other friendships glaringly obvious.
Truth be told, I'm lonely. Outside of the Cullens, I haven't made any other friends at school. But I learned pretty quickly after moving here most of our student body is made up of vapid girls and meathead guys. So, really, I'm not missing out on much. But living in a small town means everyone here knows Edward and I broke up, so the stares and whispers aimed in my direction are longer and louder with no one by my side to deflect any of them.
My days drag, and I struggle, but I keep my head down, doing what I need to do to graduate. I've never been a model student, always struggling to make a passing grade, but it's especially difficult this year. My teachers are concerned, and my guidance counselors constantly remind me that if I want to get any scholarships, I need to make more of an effort.
Little do they know a secondary education isn't in the cards for me, scholarships or not.
So, I get up each day, go to school, go to work, and go home to make a sandwich or bowl of cereal before falling into bed to sleep. The only chores I do are my own, making sure my clothes are washed and my room is clean, but I haven't lifted a damn finger for Charlie in months.
If I've learned anything from him, it's how to live with someone who pretends you don't exist.
My seventeenth birthday comes, and it's worlds away from last year's. There's no one to take me to breakfast, no wrapped presents or barbecues to celebrate, and it feels rather fitting that I spend it alone.
I refuse Ali's attempt at making a big deal out of it. She tries to talk me into coming over, going out to dinner, a movie ... something, but I'm not in a celebratory mood. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and forget the last few months have even happened.
I'd foolishly hoped Edward would reach out, send a card through his sister or something, but he doesn't. No card, no secret message is left for me. The longer we're apart, the more it feels like our relationship was all some elaborate dream made up by my subconscious.
When I get home after work, there's a small bakery box on our stoop with an oversized bow on the top. My heart beats double time, thinking Edward risked coming over to leave this for me.
I scurry inside with the package and run up the stairs. My hands shake as I pull off the ribbon and open the box. Inside is a giant chocolate cupcake, frosted with whipped frosting and dusted with chocolate shavings. I bring it to my nose and inhale, closing my teary eyes and savoring the moment. With a wide smile on my face, I untie the ribbon from the small, attached envelope, but my smile falls when I pull out the card and single candle.
Happy birthday, Bella.
~Masen
With a sad smile I tuck the card back into the envelope and stick the candle in the cupcake. Once lit, the lone candle flickers and glows. I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at it, the whispered, raspy words coming almost automatically.
"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear Bella, happy birthday to me."
I squeeze my eyes closed and make the only wish in my heart before blowing out the flame. And knowing the chances of it coming true lessen every day, I end up crying myself to sleep.
A/N: So, how are we feeling? What are we thinking? That was rough, I know. And unfortunately, things don't get much better for a while for our poor Bella. But can we all agree that young Masen was a charming little shit? Lol. Where did it all go wrong? *sigh*
The rally mentioned in this chapter takes place every August in Sturgis, SD, and in 2010 had an attendance of upwards of 600,000 riders. Wow! Can you imagine? I've always thought it would be cool to attend. Maybe one day hubs and I will make the trip. And as a side note, this isn't the last time this event will be mentioned in Shift or Clutch. It's kind of a big deal for the biker community. ;)
Remember, you can come chat with me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics, even if it's just to talk about your day or share a meme or joke. Anything to make each other smile. I also share teasers and chapter pics there. You can also follow me on Twitter at CSunshine1220.
Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.
Lots of love
~Sunshine