2005

Ginny Weasley despised any feelings of self-pity, helplessness and depression. She was the master of her own life and come Sunday afternoon she was not about to lounge on her sofa, reading trashy novels with a box of tissues nearby, snacking on junk food and generally feeling sorry for herself because of some boy. Really, she wasn't. That's why frantic knocking on her door interrupted her relaxed lazing on the balcony deckchair, with some quality history literature in one hand and a large margarita in the other. Not feeling in the mood for company, she grumbled her way to the door to be met with a very dishevelled form of Draco Malfoy.

"Draco?"

"Luna is having a baby," he blurted out. "We need to go." Ginny had been expecting that day but now that it came she suddenly felt very unprepared.

"No. No."

"What do you mean no? We have to go. She wants you there."

"No! It's too soon. It is too soon. I'm not going. It's too soon!"

"It's not too soon. Come on! You have to come. She isn't going to give birth without you."

Draco tried to get her to come with him but she kept repeating it was too soon, moving backwards from the door, batting his hands away from her. He shook her by her shoulders, trying to get her attention.

"Weasley! Stop this right now!" If there was anyone that knew her well enough to snap her out of her trance it was him. "Luna needs you. You have to go to her. Okay?"

She nodded slowly, feeling like she was about to puke all over his shoes.

"Okay," he exhaled in relief. "Let's go!"

Blaise was waiting for them when they barged through the door of maternity ward at St. Mungo's.

"Thank Merlin you're here."

"What're you doing out here? Why aren't you with Luna?" Blaise ran a shaking hand through his hair.

"Luna wanted me to wait for you out here. She wants you in there, Ginny. She said she isn't giving birth without you."

Ginny could understand that as she could understand if Blaise were annoyed with that. But he only seemed worried for his girlfriend. She once again realized how much he loved her friend and how lucky she was to have him. She surprised him by throwing her hands around his neck in a sudden onslaught of gratitude and affection.

"You're a good man, Blaise," she told him teary eyed. "I'll go handle her."

Upon seeing her friend enter the room, Luna's big blue eyes teared up and she started bawling.

"Ginny."

"Oh, honey. What do I hear about you throwing Blaise out of your room?"

"I wanted you. I can't do this, Gin. Please." Ginny hurried over to her bed to hold her hands in a tight comforting grip. Luna nearly cut off her circulation.

"Of course you can! You will do well. You took really good care of yourself. You're strong and healthy. You went through worse. Remember? This will be nothing. A piece of cake."

"What if something goes wrong? What if something happens to my baby? What if-"

"Nothing will go wrong, Luna. Everything will be alright."

"You can't promise that."

"No. But I am anyway."

"Okay. Okay."

"Okay." And just like she promised to Blaise, she handled it. Some things never changed.

"I'm still scared, Ginny. Don't leave me alone."

"You won't be alone. You'll never be alone again. Blaise will be here, holding your hand through it all. And I'll wait right outside this door."

"You won't stay? Please, don't go. Stay with me. I can't do this without you!"

"You can do this and Blaise needs to be the one with you. I had trouble realizing this all trough your pregnancy. And not just these last nine months. Years. I had trouble letting you go. We had trouble letting each other go. But it is time now."

"No, Ginny. No, I need you. Now more than ever!"

"And you have me. You'll always have. We will always be connected. In ways nobody can ever fully understand. But we have to get off that mountain. We're not each other's whole world anymore. We have other people to count on, too. You have Blaise. And soon you'll have your baby."

"But..."

"Listen to me. The two of you need this. It will be your thing. We already have our thing. We have many things, actually. So many in fact, that no matter what, we will always found ourselves laying next to each other, holding hands. But through this, you need to be his girl."

And the two friends found themselves smiling at each other through their tears until a contraction interrupted their contentment. Ginny waited it out before kissing her forehead.

"Be brave. I'll go get Blaise."

"Wait! Ginny, about Draco..."

"Don't you worry about that right now."

"No. I need to tell you."

...

Blaise flew from his chair when he saw Ginny coming towards where he and Draco were sitting.

"Is it over already?"

"Of course not. You think I'll do all the hard work for you?" she joked.

"Then what are you doing out here?"

"Waiting for the baby to be born like any good godmother." He continued to stare at her incomprehensively. "You have to go in there now, Zabini."

"Did she agree to this? She wanted you." Ginny nodded smiling.

"She's yours to take care of now. I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize that. I've been selfish and unfair."

"No, Ginny-"

"Yes, I have."

"I never resented you a thing. If anything I was grateful she had you. I never forgot she survived because of you. If she wants you in there rather than-"

"Blaise," she interrupted him. "I know. And she wants you. So, go! Good luck." Out of instinct and years of practice, she wanted to add a few instructions as to what to say to her, how to keep her calm but realized he knew everything he needed to know. They weren't in that war camp anymore. He didn't need her to tell him any longer.

An encouraging clap on the back from his best friend and Blaise was gone, leaving Draco and Ginny to sit on hard plastic chairs side by side, staring at a blank wall. And none of them could shake the thought that it could have been them first. Should have been.

Despite all her bravery, Ginny Weasley was still a woman that delivered a dead baby and sitting in a maternity ward, waiting for her best friend to give birth brought back all kinds of memories and a profound sadness, she buried deep down when she was comforting Luna. There was really nothing to remind her of that night. The smell was that of disinfectant not of mud, blood, sweat and desperation. The light was so bright it hurt her eyes, not a dimmed glow of a slowly diminishing petroleum lamp. The sound was a mixture of various conversations and beeping monitors (but no crying), not the horrifying sound of nature and chilling screams coming from her own throat. She wondered whether it would have been different if she was at St. Mungo's. Would her baby have survived? Would her life be different?

As quickly as they came those thoughts were pushed to the side and she became aware of the man sitting next to her. She hadn't been this close to him in months.

"I know you could have gone into hiding." It wasn't the most eloquent start of a conversation but as soon as she remembered Luna's words she needed to get this out.

"What?"

"Before the war. I know your mother arranged for you to go into hiding."

"How do you know? And what does it matter now?" Ginny carried on as if he hadn't spoken, staring at the wall.

"You didn't have to choose a side. You could have waited out the end of the war to see who won. Nobody would have blamed you. It would have been a very Slytherin thing to do but you would have come out on the other side unscathed. It would have been the best thing for you. But you didn't do what was best for you."

"Ginny..."

"You went to fight the war. For the Resistance. For me. Because I didn't have a chance to go into hiding and you knew I would never had taken it. I know you went because of me. On some level I knew it then, too. Still, I begged you not to go and I even resented you for awhile, when I should have thanked you."

"I should have listened to you. So many things could have been different," he remarked bitterly. Finally she turned towards him, looking him in the eyes.

"Merlin, no! I was selfish. And scared. A selfish and terrified child."

"If I didn't leave-"

"You would be dead. You would have to have fought for Voldemort."

"Still, it was because of me you went through all that."

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. You have to know this. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way." He nodded, mostly to appease her and for a few betas they sat in silence, both caught in their own thoughts.

"I wish you told me before." And she often wished she hadn't told him at all when it obviously only brought him pain. But she couldn't get past it; she couldn't let it go until she told him. Without telling him they couldn't go past it and there was no shared future for them.

"I didn't want to remember it. I pushed it all away and tried to forget it ever happened. I was doing a good job at it, too. I guess Luna's pregnancy finally brought it all up to the surface." He was quiet for awhile and Ginny already thought that was going to be it. It for them.

"Didn't you ever think I deserved to know?" But then she guessed he was just getting ready for the big league. His temper finally flared the way she expected months previously. He started pacing up and down the waiting room. At last some indignation, some anger. Ginny knew anger, handled it like a pro most of her life. But what could she really say to him when she knew he was right and wondered this exact same thing for years. "It was my baby too! Wasn't it?"

It was the last thing she expected to hear. It was a vicious hit to her heart. Because she never thought of that baby as his baby. She thought of her baby. Of their baby. But never just of his baby.

"Yes it was," she whispered, images of Draco with his baby overflowing her. Flashes of him holding his baby, playing with it, playing with her, watching her fly a broom, accompanying her for her first train ride to Hogwarts. Her heart hurt. She could only imagine what went through his head. She had years to process all this and it still upset her, he only just found out months ago. "Yes she was."

Just as suddenly as his anger started, it also deflated. He sat back down, his head bent, running his hands through his silky blond hair. She wanted to touch him, comfort him. But what right did she have? They weren't a couple. They weren't even friends. He felt guilt for leaving her alone with their baby and hated her at times. Just as she was about to get up, take a walk, give him some time alone and clear her head, he surprised her again, flying off his seat. He wasn't going to let her off that easy.

"Why didn't you come find me? Why didn't you at least write to me? You could have found me before the Death Eaters' attack!"

"It was war, Draco! How was I supposed to have found you?!"

"Your whole family and friends were in the Order! You could have found a way if you really wanted to," he accused her vehemently. She froze in her tracks, only now realizing they were standing nose to nose.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" she asked in a deadly voice.

"You know very well what it means. You didn't want to find me! You didn't want to tell me!"

"I didn't want you to end up dead if you weren't already!" Ginny screamed at the top of her voice not caring that the whole floor could hear her.

"Excuse me?"

"What good would it do telling you about it in the middle of the war? You couldn't do anything about it and it would only distract you. You needed to focus on keeping yourself alive." He scoffed, not ready to listen to any explanations.

"As if you cared." The words were like a slap to her face even if she knew he only set out to hurt her.

"How dare you? How dare you assume to know what I felt?! I was terrified."

"Terrified of anyone finding out you were carrying the spawn of big bad evil Malfoy, were you? More like ashamed!"

"That's not true and you know it!"

"Do I? You never wanted anyone to find out about us!"

"It was in the middle of the war! We all had more important problems than dealing with this. And don't be a hypocrite! As if you wanted people to find out!"

It was a fruitless fight, a screaming match for the sake of a screaming match, poisonous words set out to hurt about every little resentment, every unresolved issue and every unmentionable topic they came upon in the last ten years. But these were also words that needed to be said and topics that needed to be approached if they were ever to be resolved for as soon as they were said out laud, they got smaller and less toxic. Normal people would have a heart to heart in the privacy of their living rooms long time ago but as they were Ginny and Draco they had a blowout in the middle of the maternity ward while their friend was giving birth to their godchild, seven years too late.

None of them could tell you how long it was before they ran out of things to say (if you asked the admitting nurse she'd tell you it ran all through the two hour live broadcast of the Weird Sisters concert over the wireless) but both had screamed themselves hoarse.

Feeling strangely empty and thinking she can't even remember half the stuff they yelled about (and even those she did remember seemed unimportant and somehow removed) Ginny sat down in a plastic chair defeated. And just as she thought there was no way they could ever get past that, Draco spoke again.

"Did you name her?"

"What?"

"The baby. Did you name the baby?" She briefly considered saying no.

"Yeah. Ivy." He didn't ask why but for the first time she felt compelled to explain to somebody. "Back home we used to have o garden full of ivy. My mom was desperate to get rid of it but it just wouldn't die. She tried to weed it out and poured pesticides all over it every fall. But every spring without exception that ivy sprouted from the soil and a few months later bloomed in beautiful purple colours. And I thought... I thought that baby was just like that. Because despite everything it still grew, still lived. It turned out, it just never bloomed."

"That's kind of morbid," he remarked after a few beats and she let out a startled laugh. "And very poetic of you, Ginny Weasley."

"Are you making fun of me?" she asked incredulously. But it was just so them. They shared a twisted sense of humour that nobody could really understand. Ginny just hoped nobody was listening to them (fat chance) as they were sure to end up at the mental ward.

"Who? Me? Of course not." He put his hand to his heart in mock-offense and she laughed in relief.

"You're ridiculous, you know that, right?"

"Right back at you, Weasley." And in that moment Ginny knew they will be alright. They had a long way ahead of them and their relationship may never be the way it was before, (may not even be one of romantic nature), she might always regret not holding her baby and he may never fully forgive himself for leaving her alone at Hogwarts but they will be alright.

"Are you two ridiculous people coming to meet your godson or are you planning on scaring the staff away for the rest of the night?" Blaise's amused voice interrupted them. They jumped from their sits.

"What are you talking about? You've only been gone for three hours!" Ginny couldn't grasp that it could be over already. Not when it took her nineteen gruesome hours. But from Blaise's smiling relived face it was obvious he was serious.

"Three hours? I thought it was more like three days!" he exclaimed. Weakling. The thought came in a most affectionate way. "But it's over now."

"Oh my god! I have a godson! What's his name? What does he look like? Is everything okay?" Ginny was full of questions, her nervous energy bubbling to the surface, forgetting all about the last few hours. She could hardly contain herself. "And you're a dad!" she finally remembered, hugging him. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Weasley. And everything is alright. Why don't you go see for yourself? Luna is waiting for you." She nodded exuberantly, leaving the two men alone to hug it out when nobody was watching.

She stopped in front of Luna's room, taking a few calming breaths and preparing herself for an onslaught of painful emotions but when she finally opened the door and saw that little newborn creature in her friend's arms, there were none of those. Of course there was that old familiar painful pang in her chest when she saw a newly minted mom adoringly gazing at a child in her arms but it was just residue from her former crippling thoughts and it lasted only until she set her eyes on the beautiful baby boy. Her eyes slid from Luna's exhausted but blissfully happy face to a mop of black hair peaking from a bundle of blue blankets.

She approached cautiously, her eyes trained on the baby. And when she finally saw that tiny face with chubby cheeks, cute button nose scrunched up in his sleep, a fist shoved in his mouth and chest rising and falling with slow breaths, the rest of her resentment and guilt vanished in thin air. She suddenly felt lighter somehow as she was at last free of her burden. How could she have any negative feelings left in her heart looking at that baby that meant new hope and new beginning? That baby was meant to be loved and Ginny will love that baby. Already loved that baby.

"Do you want to hold him?" Their eyes met for they both recognized the significance and the tragedy of the moment, remembering another baby a lifetime ago. But Luna needn't have worried as Ginny only had eyes for the baby in present.

"Yes," she whispered, completely mesmerized with tiny nose and grasping fingers. She bent down as Luna passed her baby to her arms. He whimpered at being jostled and removed from his mother's comforting embrace but quickly settled against Ginny's warm chest as she slightly bounced him back to slumber, smiling down at him. The weight of his tiny body in her arms was like a balsam to all the sorrows of her heart she ever felt.

Ginny had plenty of nephews and nieces and she held all of them in her arms at one time but she always kept her distance. Children flocked to her like most of the adults did because that's just the kind of a person she was; she drew people in, but she was no one's favourite aunt. Children regarded her with curiosity but perpetual wariness and almost shyness. And for the Weasley children that said something.

But that baby was special. It was Luna's baby. A child born from courage and incredible will to survive. It was the final proof that Luna had survived and had not been irreparably broken. Not just her body but her mind and soul, too. She went through hell and was still able to love. And if Luna survived and if Luna could love, maybe Ginny did too.

"His name is Matteo. Italian name."

"Hi, Matteo. I'm your god mother. Welcome to the world." At her hoarse voice he opened his eyes just long enough for Ginny to notice the bright blue colour of his irises that was trademark Lovegood sign. It made her smile. "You'll be a heartbreaker what with your mama's pretty eyes."

"Just like his dad," came a voice from the door and Ginny was startled to notice Blaise smirking at her as she hadn't heard the door open. Blaise moved over to his girlfriend's bed while Draco poked his head in the room almost timidly.

"Come on in, Draco," Luna encouraged him to enter and he did so, barely giving Luna a quick congratulations' as his eyes were trained on Ginny. I was an image forever ingrained into his brain for it was a spectacular view; she stood tall, smiling down at the baby, whispering softly while the setting sun lit her hair in way it seemed on fire. She looked up, straight at him and their eyes locked in silent understanding. Slowly they started moving towards each other and as they were close enough he hesitantly lifted his hand and touched the baby's tiny soft hand. The baby grabbed his finger in a fist, eliciting gasp from Draco. Ginny could see the emotions swirling in his eyes, threatening to overwhelm him as his resentment gave way to affection and pure love for that child. Not even Draco Malfoy could hold a grudge in the presence of a tiny baby that just happened to be his godson.

He stepped back in alarm as Ginny started to shift the baby towards him.

"No, no, I don't..."

"Oh, come on. Hold your godson, Draco."

"Really, I don't want to break him." Ginny laughed at him.

"Oh, you're not going to break him." She gave him no choice but to hold the baby as she pushed him into his arms and he was instantly grateful for there was something to be said about the soothing and positively cathartic feeling that come from holding a newborn in his arms. From the look on Ginny's face he suspected she knew exactly how he felt.

It was a stunning picture; Draco Malfoy smiling down at the baby boy in his arms. Ginny couldn't help but imagine (just for a moment, a small moment, her own tiny guilty pleasure) him smiling down at their baby. It came as a fleeting picture dancing in her head but one she couldn't avoid and didn't try to squash under her foot either. Ginny figured it was a sign of growing on her part; not denying she was capable of normal emotion.

Their eyes locked in silent understanding of deep sadness and regret over their past but also joy and unconditional love for the child between them.

"As his godparents," Luna started, her voice almost surprising Draco and Ginny, who had all but forgotten about anyone else in the room, "if ever something were to happen to us..." Luna didn't need to finish that sentence. Her unnaturally big blue eyes bore into Ginny's brown ones conveying her pleads, her demands with tragic intensity.

It was instinct to rebuff her worries, comfort her and tell her nothing will ever happen to them. But they knew each other too well and too long to dismiss a worry like that one when they knew how quickly your whole world could be turned upside down. Frankly it would be downright insulting to give them empty reassurances.

"I'll love him. We'll love him," she told her best friend. Ginny glanced at Draco, who gave her an encouraging nod but felt (although it concerned him directly) it wasn't his place to interfere. "We'll love him always. And if anything ever happened to you, we'll love him twice as hard."

It was all Luna really wanted to hear. It was left unsaid (simply because there was no need to use words) how they will take care of him, protect him, how he will have everything he could ever need, how they will treat him as his own, how they will tell him about his parents, how they will encourage him, raise him right and try everything in their power to make him happy and shield him from horrors of life.

Ginny hoped to Merlin she never had to do it.

Some time later as men left to get them food, Ginny and Luna were left alone, lounging side by side on Luna's bed, watching the baby sleep peacefully in his little hospital bed.

"I'm sorry, Gin."

"What for?" Ginny wondered confused.

"For asking you to take care of him if something happened to me."

"What? Luna!" she exclaimed. "You know I would always-"

"I know. And I still asked you to do it. I promised to myself I'll stop needing you. I promised you won't have to make any more sacrifices because of me. For me. Still, I asked you to do something for me, that I know you could never refuse."

"This isn't a sacrifice!" Ginny interrupted astonished but her friend was not listening.

"I'm sorry but he is the most precious thing I have. And you are the strongest person I know. I can trust him only with you."

"I know. Stop apologizing." Ginny griped Luna's hand comfortingly, looking into her big blue eyes while still laying beside her. "Luna, listen to me. I love that baby. He is your son and I will always love him. It goes without saying I will take care of him. And I will protect him in any way and form possible. It isn't any form of a sacrifice. You have to believe me." Luna slowly nodded teary-eyed.

"I guess this is always going to be you."

"What?"

"Ginny Weasley, the helper of the needy, the protector of the people, the savior of problems, the shoulder to cry on, the rock of everyone."

Ginny smiled at Luna's overdramatic description of her character because isn't that exactly what she had always been? Always someone for people to lean on. Often for the sake of her own happiness. She had long ago sacrificed her relationship with Draco for the sake of her family and friends. They were all broken then (including her) and Ginny had felt it was not the time to unhinge them with her personal issues. But years have passed since the end of the war and for the most part people in her life seemed to have found balance. Did they really still need her stoic presence? Did they really still need her to stand by the side tall and strong and unchanged just for the illusion that nothing has changed?

The answer was clear. She needed to let go. She had once been everybody's anchor to normality. They all turned to her to assure themselves that the world still spun on it's axis. But slowly they found other anchors. Ron had Hermione, Harry had Quidditch and his team, her mother had her grandchildren, Dean had his band, Neville his greenhouses and so on. They didn't need her to be their reminder of a steady world anymore. They didn't need her in that way anymore. And they were stable enough to survive a little shock of her association with Draco Malfoy (if that were to happen anytime in the future) without any lasting consequences.

"I think, maybe, Luna," she finally answered her patient friend, "people are stronger than they seem."

Although that would not tell much to an outsider, Luna understood the simple sentence. She had watched Ginny put other people's happiness before her own long enough. She knew Ginny never could completely relinquish her role as a protector of her friends. She was a Gryffindor, and a Weasley to boot, after all. But she could start living her own life.

"As I have been telling you for years."

"You just love to tell me you were right."

"I have to return the favour once in a blue moon."

Ginny nudged her shoulder playfully, knowing it was true.

"I should go. Leave you to get some rest."

"Or you could stay a little while longer and stare at the baby with me."

"Or I could do that."

Ginny readily agreed and the friends smiled at each other contentedly.

And that's how Draco and Blaise found them and that's how they always ended up, be it for better or worse; sleeping next to each other, holding hands.

Author's note: Thank you all for reading and reviewing my story. An epilogue is coming up in the near future. That is the plan anyway...