Chapter 10

Songs:

All at Once, The Fray
Back To Me, Three Doors Down
Disarm, The Civil Wars

*Link to YouTube playlist in chapter one.

**Another shoutout to jayhawkbb for getting this back to me this week even though she's fighting a nasty cold ... and working ... and adulting in general. Feel better! Xoxo

June through July 2011

Bella

Graduation comes on a Saturday morning, and the only thing different for me is that I'm up early. There's no cap and gown, no photos taken to commemorate the occasion or excitement over a party later today.

But it's just as well that Charlie missed the order deadline for the cap and gown and can't be bothered to even congratulate me. I've never really liked that kind of attention anyway.

I may not be walking with my class, but I dress in a sundress and sandals anyway, intent on supporting my friend ... even if she's been somewhat distant the last few months.

Walking out the front door, I lock up behind me, and as I turn around, I'm met with Masen's smiling face hanging out the passenger window of his Honda.

"Come on, Swan. We've got a graduation to get to."

I head down the path, grinning. "I was gonna walk over."

"In this heat? It'll be ninety degrees before you make it to the school. No," he says, shaking his head, "get in. We can go together. Besides, I need somebody to sit with."

I slide into the passenger seat and reach for the seatbelt. "I appreciate the ride, Mase."

He shrugs and pulls away from the curb. "It's not a big deal. I knew you were going, even if you weren't gonna walk with the class." He turns in my direction. "Mind telling me why you decided not to?"

It's my turn to shrug. "Charlie didn't get the order in on time for my cap and gown, and it's not really that big a deal to me."

"You know, you could have asked me for the money. I wouldn't have minded—"

"No, Mase. It's not that important to me. It's high school. I passed, and my diploma is in the mail. I'm just happy to have it over with."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

The auditorium is packed when we get there, but Masen manages to find two empty seats near the back. From our vantage point, I have a good view of the audience. And like a moth to a flame, my eyes are drawn to Edward's disorderly, bronze hair. He's sitting with his family near the front, only a few rows behind where my graduating class is seated.

"There's Ali," Masen says, interrupting my gawking, pointing toward his sister. She's turned in her seat, waving in our direction. And, of course, it gets Edward's attention. He turns in his seat, his eyes landing on me, and when they land on his brother, they linger.

"What the hell is his problem?" Masen asks from beside me.

"I'm not sure. But he needs to mind his own goddamn business," I grumble, eliciting a scowl from the woman seated in front of us. Chastised, I whisper an apology and try to melt into my seat.

"Hey," Masen whispers, "don't let them get to you." I look up at him. "Either of them. Edward can fuck off and nosey neighbors can mind their own fucking business."

Before I can apologize again, the ceremony starts. I'm thankful for missing out on all the pomp and circumstance, but I'm happy for my friend when she walks across the stage to get her diploma. Masen and I stand and applaud, cheering and whistling when she turns toward the audience with a wide smile, and the noise we make is only eclipsed by the rest of her family.

It doesn't take long after it's over for Alice to come barreling toward us, her arms open wide as she practically tackle hugs Masen and me. "I'm so glad you decided to come."

"We wouldn't miss it, Ali." I hug her more tightly before releasing her. "Congratulations."

"To you too, missy. Don't think you're getting out of the entire experience, Bella. I asked Mom to put both our names on the cake, so now you have to come to the party this afternoon."

"Ali, I'm not sure I—"

"You can't say no. It's already done. Just stop by, take a couple of pictures, and then you can leave. But I need you to come. Please?"

I look over at Masen. "Were you planning on going?"

"I was gonna stop by," he says slowly, looking between me and his sister. "But I wasn't planning to stay very long."

"Okay." I turn back to Ali. "I'll come, but just for a little while."

The Cullens' house is full and noisy, and it's easy to keep my distance from Edward. He spends most of his time outside, smoking and chatting with Mac and Jazz. It helps that Masen's never far away from me. Just his presence gives me strength to face all these people. Several of the club members slip me a card and hug me, wishing me luck and congratulating me on my accomplishment.

I manage to dodge questions about what's next for me, being as vague as possible about what my plans are. Alice talks me into taking pictures with the cake, and just before the cameras flash, I catch a glimpse of Edward standing in the back of the assembled crowd. But he disappears from my sight before the flash-induced spots in my eyes do.

Masen and I are sitting in the shade at the back of the yard eating our cake when he starts to play with the discarded icing on his plate.

"What's up with you?" I ask, bumping his shoulder.

His head pops up, and he looks my way. "Huh?"

"You usually aren't one to abuse sweets, and you're decimating that buttercream. I'm surprised you didn't eat that part first."

"Oh. I guess I'm just distracted."

"Distracted?"

He huffs a laugh and shakes his head. "I'm being ridiculous. Here." He digs into his pocket and pulls out a velvet box. "I wanted to get you something for graduation, but I don't know the first thing about giving girls gifts, so I hope you like it," he says in a rush.

"Oh, Masen. That's ... so sweet." I gingerly take the box and crack open the lid. The silver and gold of the ice cream cone pendant hanging from the silver chain sparkles in the sunlight. "I love it!" Before I think better of it, I'm leaning over and kissing his cheek. "Thank you." I hand it to him and turn around, holding up my hair. "Put it on me, please?"

With a half grin, he takes the necklace from me and reaches around to put it on my neck. "There. Looks good, I think."

"I'm sure it looks great. It's perfect."

When I turn to look for Alice to show her my new bauble, Edward is watching me from across the yard. When his eyes flash to his brother and back to me, something changes in his expression. But before I can decipher what it means, Masen nudges me.

"You ready to get out of here?"

I look around the party, wondering how it can be so close but feel so far away. "Yeah. I'm ready when you are."

"It's a studio on the second floor, so I won't have asshats stomping around all night while I'm trying to sleep." Masen wads up his napkin and tosses it on his tray.

I'm on my break, and he's treating me to lunch today at the cafe down the street from the Big Dipper to celebrate my first week of full-time employment.

"So, when do you move out? What does Carmen think about it? Is she upset?"

"No. She's cool with it. She's probably anxious to get rid of me, to be honest."

"When's moving day?"

"I sign the lease next Friday, so I was going to move some of my shit over that night. The bigger stuff, like my bed, I can move that Saturday when I get some help."

"I'm happy for you, Mase. Sounds like everything's working out for you."

"And you can hang out there, too." His ears start to turn red, and his cheeks pinken just a little. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Masen Cullen is embarrassed. "It's not too far from here. Just a few blocks, actually. You can stop by before or after work and we can do whatever." He fidgets with the salt and pepper shakers on the table without making eye contact.

"I'd like that."

He looks up then, his blue eyes meeting my brown. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Bella!" Charlie shouts from the top of the stairs. "Where are my goddamn shoes?" His voice fades to mumbles as he bangs around upstairs.

Ignoring him, I focus on the television while I eat my cereal. His heavy footsteps thump down the stairs, and when he reaches the living room, he snatches the remote off the arm of the sofa, switching off the TV. "I asked you a question."

"I don't know where your shoes are, Charlie. I don't clean up after you anymore"—I look up at him and narrow my eyes—"remember?" I snatch back the remote from his lax hand and turn the TV back on.

"Listen here, you little—"

I press the volume button until his voice is drowned out, but he doesn't put up with it for very long. He walks over to the wall beside the entertainment center and pulls the plug.

"Can you hear me now?"

I put my bowl on the coffee table and lean back, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Now, I'm going to be gone all day. I'm headed down to Nogales to meet with some people, and I expect this place to be cleaned up when I get back. I gave you a pass while you were in school, but school's been out for more than a month now. It's time to get your act together if you want to stay here."

It takes everything in me not to burst out laughing at his assumption that I want to stay with him. I'm merely counting down the days until my birthday so I can leave.

"I should be back by dark, so you have plenty of time to get caught up."

I keep my mouth shut and watch him walk toward the front door. He finds his shoes where he last left them and collects his keys from the hook on the wall. Without a word, he walks through the door.

I don't waste any time, picking up my cellphone to call Alice. It rings twice before she answers.

"Hey, you. What's up?"

"Charlie just left for the day. Thought we could hang out."

"Oh." She hesitates.

"Do you already have plans?" I ask.

"Not exactly. I was getting ready to run an errand, but I'm free after that. Want me to come pick you up and we can drive up to Tucson or something? Maybe hit the mall?"

I look down at my rumpled pajamas. "Give me thirty minutes?"

"You got it."

Alice arrives exactly thirty-one minutes after we hang up. Thankfully, I'm showered and dressed for the July heat in short shorts and a tank top. I grab my bag before locking up and heading toward her bright yellow Mustang.

"Hey, bitch!" she shouts out the open window. "You're looking hot today."

"Well, it is hot," I snark as I buckle my seatbelt. "So, where are we going?"

She side-eyes me. "Don't hate me."

Heaving a sigh, I throw my head back on the headrest. "What is it, Ali?"

"Edward asked me to come by for a little while so he could take a shower and get a nap."

"Alice," I groan.

"Look, it's his weekend with Seth, and Mom said the poor kid is having a growth spurt or colic or something. Whatever it is, he cries almost constantly if you put him down. I promised Edward I'd come by and help."

"Why didn't you tell me this over the phone? You could have come to get me later. You know what? Just take me back home. I can't—"

"It's just a quick stop. Like, an hour, tops. Besides, you should meet the kid. He's so cute. It'll be fine. You'll see."

She navigates the town's streets, and the closer we get to Edward and Jasper's house, the more nauseated I feel. I really don't know if I can do this. Seeing his car parked in the driveway is expected, but it still makes my heart race.

Alice pulls in next to the Nova and cuts the engine. "Come on," she says, reaching for her purse in the backseat, "you can't stay out here the whole time. You'll melt."

"Ali, I'm not sure I can—"

"It'll be fine. He called right when I got to your house. Seth had just fallen asleep, so he was getting a shower and going to lie down to get some sleep. I'm supposed to just let myself in and be there when Seth wakes up, which he will."

Reluctantly, I follow her inside. The house is quiet, but it doesn't last long when Alice closes the front door.

The baby's cries start almost immediately.

"Shit," Alice hisses. "I'm going to warm up a bottle real quick before I even try to deal with him. He only seems to calm down when there's food involved." She disappears toward the kitchen, and I take a few tentative steps down the hallway.

The door with the painted blue S leads to what I assume is Seth's room, and it's cracked open. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I'm drawn to the sound of this poor, defenseless baby's cries.

The room is painted a soft shade of blue and trimmed in white, and the crib is directly across from the door. I take a few steps toward the baby's bed, both curious and terrified of what lies within. Logically, I know it's just a baby. He's absolutely innocent in the mess that happened last year, but at the same time, his very existence took away the dreams I had for my future.

Draped with a blue, knitted blanket, he looks so tiny in the center of the bed.

"Hello, Seth," I whisper.

Knowing he has someone's attention, his cries seem to get louder. His face is red, and he kicks and grunts, pleading to be picked up. Out of instinct and unable to bear hearing his cries any longer, I reach for him.

I'm not sure where the idea comes from, but I softly bounce him in my arms, patting his bottom and swaying us back and forth slowly as I try to soothe him.

"It's okay."

At the sound of my voice, his crying wanes enough that when Ali walks into the nursery with a warm bottle, she's stunned.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Get him to stop screaming his head off."

"I don't know."

"Here," she says, handing me the warm bottle. "See if he'll eat."

The front door slams closed, and Alice perks up. "I'll be back." She takes off through the door, and her squeals echo down the hall. When they're met with a deep chuckle I recognize as Jasper's, I smile and shake my head.

"Sounds like Auntie Alice has some explaining to do," I say to the baby in my arms. I settle into the rocker in the corner and try to get a grasp on what I'm doing. Sitting in my ex-boyfriend's house, holding and feeding his son is not what a normal person would do. "But I'm not exactly normal," I muse to the now-alert little boy as he sucks down his bottle. "You're really cute, you know that?" Remembering what everyone says about babies, I lean forward and brush my nose along his hair, breathing him in. "And you do smell good. I always thought that was made up to sell more baby shampoo, but that's some good stuff."

He exhales a soft grunt, and his lashes flutter.

"Are you going to go back to sleep for me? Hmm?" I watch his eyes get heavier and heavier as he fights falling asleep. Staring up at me, his dark eyes glass over while he gulps and gasps as he drinks from his bottle.

"You know, I wanted to hate you," I admit softly. "I wanted someone to blame for what happened, and you would have been an easy target. But I know that's not fair. You didn't ask to be born. I know your dad is going to do his best to be a good father to you, and I won't get in the way of that. As cute as you are, your daddy was right; I'm not ready to help raise you." I smile down at him.

"I want you to be his focus right now. You deserve that much. I know how it feels to not have a dad, and it sucks. I don't want to take your dad's attention away from you. I would never do anything to come between you two."

I lean forward and place a kiss on his forehead, whispering against his skin. "I know he already loves you, Seth. You're a lucky little boy."

When I know he's fully asleep, I stand from the rocker and walk toward the crib. Once he's settled in the center and covered in his light blanket, I take a few steps backward. As I near the door, my senses tingle, and I know without a doubt Edward is nearby. He may not be standing right outside the door, but I know he's close.

Stepping out into the hallway, I swear I can smell his cologne. I rush toward the living room, intent on asking Ali if she's ready to go. But when I see her curled up on the sofa with Jazz, their lips locked in a heated kiss, I mumble my goodbyes and walk out the front door.

I half expect someone to come chasing after me, demanding I get in the car, but it doesn't happen. Instead, I meander in the direction of the center of town. I pass the cafe and the market before walking past the ice cream shop. Seeing Mrs. Clearwater's sign listing today's flavors reminds me of someone who would be excited to try the new chocolate raspberry crunch.

I dig my phone out of my pocket and dial a now-familiar number.

"Yo!"

"Hey, Mase."

A/N: So, what do you think? A turning point for all of them? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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