A/N: Hi everyone. I wrote this story a while ago but I just forgot to publish it. I apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes, I was quite literally forced to publish this now by my friend Daisy. I'll try to update as frequently as possible.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. If I did, we would have actually gotten to see this on screen.
C.J. sits on the couch in their small California apartment. Her hands are folded in her lap and she wrings them uncomfortably as she waits for Danny to get home from his trip to the grocery store. She had been sick this morning but she had assumed it was just something she had eaten. Danny had come rushing into the bathroom and held her hair back even though she had told him not to bother. Afterwards, Danny had ordered her to stay in bed and made her breakfast, which C.J. barely touched. When he had left to run some errands, C.J. had done the math. Her period is late. Two weeks late. Fifteen days to be exact. That never happens. Even when she had been under extreme stress during the campaigns, her period had always been on time. It was the only thing she could rely on. Until now.
C.J. doesn't know how she didn't notice before. She has been so caught up in her work lately that she's barely had time to think about anything else. But surely, she should have noticed? She's not sure how she's going to tell Danny, doesn't even know if she wants to tell him. What if she's wrong? What if it's nothing? C.J. doesn't have time to think about what she's going to say - if she's going say anything at all – because in this moment the door opens, and she can hear Danny tossing his keys on the kitchen table. C.J. gets up from the couch and walks into the kitchen where Danny is currently putting the groceries away.
"Hey…," she says softly, making Danny jump and turn around. C.J. almost laughs at that.
"Hey…" Danny smiles when he sees her. "I thought you'd be in bed," he admits. C.J. looks at the ground. "You feeling better?" C.J. just nods. The nausea has gone away, but she wouldn't say she's feeling well. "Do you want anything?" Danny asks as he puts the last items in the fridge. C.J. shakes her head but then realizes that he's standing with his back towards her.
"No. Thank you," she says quietly.
"You sure you're okay?" Danny presses and walks over to her. His concern is touching and C.J. almost tells him right there, in their kitchen. But somehow no words come out.
"Yeah. I'm fine," C.J. assures him, her voice raspy. "I think I need to sit down."
"Okay." Danny gently touches her elbow and leads her to the couch in the living room. He grabs a blanket from the nearest chair and pulls it over her. "Do you want some tea? I'll make you some." Danny leaves the room before C.J. can protest and now she's alone with her thoughts. She doesn't know why this is making her nervous. This is Danny. Danny. Danny who loves her. Danny who said they would figure everything out together. But will they figure this out as well? "Here you go," Danny says and hands C.J. her goldfish cup. Danny got her that for Christmas last year as a joke but C.J. thinks it's her favorite.
"Thank you," she mumbles as she lets the steaming mug warm her hands.
"No problem," Danny tells her. "Do you need anything else?" C.J. shakes her head. She can't tell him. Not now. Not like this. "Alright. I'll just get my computer." Danny turns around to leave and suddenly C.J. can't control herself anymore.
"Danny, wait," she yells and gets up from the couch. He turns around to look at her.
"You okay?" He looks a little confused at her sudden outburst.
"Yeah - I mean no. Not really. But also, yes," C.J. stammers, trying to find the right words.
"C.J., what's going on?" Danny asks, taking a step towards her.
"I… well. Here's the thing." What is the thing exactly? Why can't she just tell him?
"You're kinda scaring me here, C.J.," Danny jokes but she can hear the concern in his voice.
"It's nothing," she assures him. That is clearly a lie. It's not nothing. It is, in fact, a very big something.
"You can tell me," Danny says and moves closer to her. C.J. can now smell his cologne. She looks up and meets his eyes.
"I think I'm pregnant." It comes out as a whisper and C.J. isn't even sure Danny heard her. "I think I'm pregnant," she repeats, louder this time. Danny just stares at her. "Danny…?" He doesn't say anything for a long time.
"You think you're pregnant?" he asks. C.J. isn't sure what kind of reaction she expected but this certainly isn't it.
"Well I haven't taken a test yet. But I'm late so… I'm pretty sure." Danny only nods. C.J. looks at him with tears in her eyes. "Danny…?" He stands very still and doesn't meet her eyes. C.J. wants to yell at him but she can't. "Say something," she whispers. "Please, Danny. Say something." He looks up at her, a sad smile playing on his lips. Or maybe it's not sad. Maybe that's just her.
"Just wait here for a second. I'll be right back." And with that, he runs out of the apartment. C.J. is left alone in the living room, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't know what to do. This is not how she had thought that conversation would go. She thought he would tell her that everything would be alright, that they would figure it out together, that she didn't have to be scared. Instead, Danny had said nothing. And now, he's gone. C.J. sits back down on the couch, staring at her hands. Her tea has gone cold. She feels numb and like she can't breathe. A quiet sob escapes her lips and she reaches up her hand to cover her mouth. She wants to call someone, her dad maybe, but he wouldn't understand what's going on. She could call Donna or Carol or even Abbey, but she doesn't want to bother them, and she wants to know what Danny is thinking before she talks to anyone else. It feels like hours until Danny finally returns. He walks through the kitchen and into the living room with a plastic bag in his hand.
"Hey, you," he says softly and sits down next to her. "Sorry for running out like that."
"You should have talked to me," she snaps. "I need you to talk to me." Her voice breaks and she looks away. Danny reaches out to take her hand and C.J. doesn't pull away. His hand is soft, and she holds on to it as if it were a lifeline. How many nights has she woken up from a nightmare and fumbled in the dark to find this hand? How many nights has this hand pulled her back to reality when she was reliving the shooting at Rosslyn?
"I know. I'm sorry. That was wrong." C.J. wipes her tears with the back of her free hand. "I'm sorry. I am." C.J. smiles at him.
"It's okay. You came back." Danny squeezes her hand and lets it go. Immediately, she misses the warmth and comfort from it.
"I got you something," Danny says and reaches into the bag he has brought with him. He fumbles around for a second until he finally pulls out a little box containing what C.J. assumes can only be a pregnancy test and hands it to her. C.J. takes it from him and stares at it. "So we can be sure," Danny explains.
"Thank you," she mouths and holds the test closer to her body.
"I don't think only looking at it will do the job." Danny teases. "I think you have to pee on it to get a result." C.J. scoffs and wipes her nose in her sleeve even though she hates it when people do that. Danny takes C.J.'s hands and pulls her to her feet. She feels a bit dizzy and holds onto him until the feeling goes away. "You alright there, C.J.?"
"Yes… just a bit dizzy," she tells Danny and squeezes his hand. "I'll be right back." C.J. walks away but before she can reach the bathroom, Danny calls her name. C.J. turns back around.
"Yeah?"
"I love you," he says quietly as if to assure her that however the test turns out, he'll be there. C.J. smiles softly and walks to the bathroom. It takes her a while to pee on the stick because she's too scared of the outcome. She doesn't know what she wants it to be. The bathroom walls seem to be closing in on her as she reads the instructions. It has been years since she's given up the hope of having children one day. Being Press Secretary and then Chief of Staff weren't exactly jobs that allowed you to have a lot of time to think about starting a family. And with whom? There had been Simon, of course, but he died before C.J. even had the chance to think about a future with him. And even with Danny she thought it was too late, that they were too old. C.J. has made her peace with that. She's alright with just being Aunt C.J. to Molly and Huck or any children Josh and Donna might have. Yet here she is with a pregnancy test in hand, trying to figure out how she and Danny are going to make this work.
When she comes out of the bathroom, Danny is leaning against the wall, waiting for her. For a reason unknown to her, C.J. shakes the test as if that will make it go faster.
"We have to wait for a few minutes," she says somewhat uncomfortable.
"Okay," Danny says. "You wanna go sit down and wait?" C.J. nods and follows him into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to Danny. She puts the test on the coffee table in front of them and looks away. She doesn't know why but she can't bring herself to look at it. Danny reaches over and pulls her a little closer. He rests his chin on her shoulder and C.J. can feel his breath on her neck. "Whatever happens," he begins, "I'll be there." C.J. turns her head to look at him and smiles softly. It's difficult for C.J. to talk about her feelings, always has been, so she stays quiet. When her mom was still alive, C.J. would sometimes crawl into her bed and they would talk about love and friendship while her dad worked in his study. Her mom would make hot chocolate and they would stay up until C.J. fell asleep with her head in her mother's lap. The memory brings tears to her eyes and she immediately shoves it away. They wait for what seems like hours but it's probably no more than two minutes.
"Can you look? I don't think I can," she admits. Her hands are shaking, and her breath is shallow. "Please?"
"Of course." Danny takes the stick from the table and C.J. can see him look at it out of the corner of her eye. In that moment, she knows what she's hoping for, knows what she wants the test to say.
"I think it's positive," Danny says and C.J. can hear the smile before she sees it.
"Well, what does it say?" Before Danny can answer, C.J. rips the test out of his hands. And sure enough, there's a tiny plus sign. A tiny plus sign that means she has a little human growing inside her, a little human she and Danny made. C.J. doesn't know why but she's not as scared as she thought she would be.
"You alright?" Danny asks as he looks over her shoulder. C.J. just nods, staring at the small test in her hand. She can't believe it.
"It could be wrong. Could be a false positive," she says, her eyes not leaving the test.
"Do you want it to be?" Danny asks and C.J. can almost hear the hurt in his voice. She shakes her head as she looks over at Danny. "I don't think it is."
"Me neither." And she doesn't, not really. Danny pulls her closer and leans his forehead against hers. C.J. wraps her arms around his neck and takes a deep breath. "We're having a baby," she whispers.
"Yeah?" Danny asks and runs his hand up her waist.
"Yeah." C.J. nods.
"Good. Because otherwise I would have gotten all of this stuff for you for no reason," Danny tells her and pulls away, reaching for the plastic bag again. C.J. sniffs and lets out a small chuckle.
"You got me something?" she asks, wiping the last tears away.
"Why do think I was gone for so long?"
"I thought you were mad," C.J. admits. Danny looks at her with a pained expression in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he says and C.J. knows he means it. She smiles and squeezes his knee. The bag is now in Danny's lap and he is looking for something. He finally finds it, a triumphant smile decorating his face. "Here you go!" He holds out a tiny onesie that has I HEART SANTA MONICA written on it. It's so tiny C.J. can't believe an actual human being will ever be able fit into it. She reaches out a careful hand to take it from Danny as if she's afraid to break it.
"It's so tiny," she says in a quiet whisper, holding the onesie close to her. "I don't think my baby will fit in it." Danny laughs at that.
"I think we'll be fine," he assures her and reaches into the bag again. "I also got this one because… well I don't really know why." He hands her another onesie and C.J. laughs when she sees it says I LOVE MY MUM… Dad is okay, I guess. She turns it around for Danny to see.
"This is so cheesy," she says but she loves him for getting it. Danny just shrugs and pulls a little hat out of the bag. It's about the size of C.J.'s fist, possibly smaller. "Okay, now, this… our kid will never be able to wear. Have you seen the size of me?" C.J. let's the little hat rest in her lap as her fingers ghost over it. Danny hands her a teddy bear that is so soft, C.J. isn't entirely sure she won't just keep it for herself. Then she remembers that she's a 44-year-old woman and should probably not steal stuffed animals meant for her unborn child. "Seriously, Danny did you buy everything in that tourist shop?"
"Just everything in the baby section." There's a moment of silence where C.J. just stares at the items in her lap, overwhelmed that someone would actually do this for her. Silent tears start streaming down her face and there's nothing she can do to stop them. Danny looks up at her and takes her hands in his.
"Hey, hey," he says calmly, as if he were talking to a child. "It's going to be alright. Everything will be fine." A loud sob escapes her lips before C.J. can stop it. "What's wrong, C.J.?"
"It's just the hormones," C.J. tells him but she's pretty sure she's not fooling anyone.
"C.J…." They look at each other for a moment. Neither of them expected to be in this situation yet here they are.
"What if we can't-"
"We'll figure it out," Danny promises. "All of it." C.J. is reminded of the night where she came to visit his apartment after their big fight out on the street.
"You don't know that!" C.J. protests. "I don't know the first thing about being a mother."
"Come on. I saw you with my niece last month. You're great with kids," Danny tries.
"Oh, right. One afternoon. A lifetime. That's the same," C.J. scoffs and jumps up from the couch. She starts pacing back and forth behind the coffee table. Suddenly, she feels dizzy, like she's going to throw up. She stops moving.
"C.J., what's this really about?"
"This is what it's really about, Danny," she snaps. "I can't do it. I don't know how. What if I fuck up?" Danny stands up and walks towards her, pulling her towards him by her wrists.
"You're not going to fuck up," he tells her.
"You don't know that." She looks down at their joined hands, her vision blurry from the tears.
"But I do." Danny lifts her chin with his finger, forcing her to look at him. Suddenly, C.J. remembers why she fell in love with him in the first place. There was always something about him… the ability to calm her down whenever she was stressed or nervous. To tell her everything would be alright and have her believe him.
"I'm scared," C.J. admits. "I'm scared, Danny."
"That's okay. You can be scared. But-"
"I'm not gonna walk away from this because I'm scared. I know," she finishes for him. They both smile at the memory. Danny reaches over and picks up one of the onesies from the couch. He holds it up for C.J. to see.
"Come on. Anything that can fit into this can't be so scary, right?" C.J. takes the onesie from him.
"I suppose not," she admits.
"There you go." Danny pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around waist. C.J.'s rests her head on his shoulder. Danny's thumb is stroking the side of her stomach as he plants a kiss in her hair.
"I'm going to get fat," C.J. realizes. There's something almost comical about that. She doesn't know why but it makes her laugh.
"You're not going to get fat just… bigger," Danny tries.
"Thank you, Daniel, that makes me feel much better." Danny laughs and hugs her a little tighter. C.J.'s arms wrap around his neck and she breathes in his smell.
"C.J.?"
"Yeah?"
"It'll be alright."
"It will be amazing," she decides. Because she knows it will be.
A/N: Thank you for making it to the end of the first chapter. I hope you liked it. As always reviews are always welcome and if you have any suggestions as to how the story should continue please feel free to share them with me.