Author's Note
Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!
The theme songs for this chapter are Come Home by OneRepublice and The Highest Tide by The Wealthy West.
PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(
Ch 4: What the hell? Was I just used? - Jacob
Year 2 - 2007-2008
May
"Hey, new guy, give me a hand?" the guy working on the car next to Jacob asked, glancing over with a friendly smile. The guy was tall, with lean muscles and deeply tanned. He had sandy, sun-bleached hair and shuttered green eyes. His smile didn't reach them. He looked a little world-weary honestly. Jacob could relate.
Jacob had been working here almost a week, and this was the first time anyone had spoken to him apart from the manager when he'd given Jake his schedule for the month. Not that he'd been particularly welcoming or open to conversation. And given his size, he was probably projecting a pretty strong back-off vibe.
"Jacob," he said, offering a grease-stained hand.
"Aiden," the guy replied, lips quirking as he took the offered hand and pumped it once. He seemed amused to find Jacob actually did have a voice. Rusty with disuse as it was.
"How long have you been working here?" Jake asked, determined to try harder. He was here to make a fresh start. It couldn't happen if he didn't start moving forward.
"About a year. I moved here from Chicago for school," Aiden said, grabbing a wrench.
"UC San Diego?" Jacob asked, and when Aiden nodded, added, "I'm starting there this fall."
"Already got a roommate?" Aiden asked, ducking under the hood and pointing at the hose he needed Jacob to hold for him.
"I actually got an apartment off campus. Medical reasons," Jacob admitted. Thank you, Carlisle, he added mentally. The doctor had written a note for him and contacted the school's admissions upon learning Jacob wanted to remain living off campus.
"Lucky," Aiden said, obviously impressed. Freshman were supposed to be required to live on campus, but Jake didn't want to get a place for two months then have to move out and lose his deposit just so he could go ahead and get away from La Push a little early.
"I have a spare room. And with the price of rent around here," Jacob offered, only barely surprised to find himself extending the invitation. It was cost efficient, and currently, he had too much downtime with nothing to and no distractions to prevent him from thinking about the events of the last two years.
Embry begging for death haunted him every time he closed his eyes. And when it wasn't his friend, it was Sam taunting him.
"How soon can I move in?" Aiden said, jumping on the offer immediately. "I'm staying on a friend's couch currently."
For the first time, Jake felt more like himself. His natural happiness was creeping back in. The worry, grief, and self-hatred were simply not him. Just a product of all the unwelcome and unasked for changes happening in his life these last few years. It was time to get back to basics - before a broken girl had intrigued him and he'd become obsessed with the challenge of trying to fix the unfixable.
July
Aiden was easy to live with. Easy to get along with. He was one of the chillest guys Jacob had ever met. His aunt had raised him in Chicago after his parents died when he was young. Car crash. Same way Jacob had lost his mother. Aiden's aunt, Madison, was some sort of environmental activist, and she traveled a lot to protest things across the country. She actually sounded like she would get on with old Quil Sr. He'd always been all about preserving land and limiting the loggers' actions around Forks.
Jacob learned that Aiden had lost his high school girlfriend in a car crash too. Talk about bad luck. The events leading up to Kennedy's accident made for a pretty brutal story that had come spilling out after one too many beers one night that summer. Apparently, he'd found out she was sleeping with his best friend when he caught them together at a summer party a couple weeks after graduation. He'd left, and she'd tried to go after him. She'd gotten behind the wheel drunk and ended up running head first into a median on the highway.
Despite all the loss, Aiden genuinely enjoyed life. He was a little world weary, certainly, but he didn't let the past control his present or inhibit his future. He'd internalized his pain, and found a way through the jagged maze to a better place. Jacob was hoping he'd let him in on the secret of how to navigate it all.
They spent a lot of time together Jacob's first few months in La Jolla, just outside of San Diego. Aiden showed him around and got him invested in surfing. Surfing was significantly more fun here than it was in Northwestern Washington. Bikinis. That's all he had to say.
Of course, his wolf reflexes helped too. He'd not tried surfing since he phased for the first time, and when he finally did, it was a rush. He was much better than he'd been as a child. The combination of better control of his body and the ability to read the water with his enhanced senses made him a favorite on the beach for people to watch.
The only downside to living with Aiden was the constant teasing over his daily calls to the mysterious Nessie. Aiden hadn't really bought the line of her being a friend of the family, but he hadn't pushed for a better explanation either. He respected Jake's privacy. At least a little. There had been the time he'd compared Jacob's punctuality in calling her to the way Kennedy had taken her birth control pill. Like a little reminder went off on his phone every day telling him it was time.
He wasn't really wrong though.
August
"I know we haven't really talked since… " Quil said. He'd unexpectedly called today right as Jacob was getting out of class for the day.
"That's one way to put it," Jacob said, unable to mask his hurt. It wasn't directed at Quil, just the entire unbearable situation.
Jake headed for the bus - it was faster than driving around these parts. Plus he couldn't afford an on campus parking pass. What a waste of money that little sticker was.
He still couldn't get used to the constant, endless traffic. Countless cars congested the roads here until the air tasted of gasoline and pollution - not woods, rain, and salty sea air. Possibly worse, was the fact that he could walk faster than it took to drive most of the time - at human speed even.
"She still won't let me come over either," Quil whispered, regretfully.
Jacob knew instantly what, or rather who, Quil was referring to. Embry's mom. The first thing he'd done upon returning from Chile was go straight to her and tell her everything. Her son was dead. Died fighting to keep their people safe. She deserved the chance to be with them when they said goodbye to him for the final time when they honored him for his sacrifice.
"Was Sam right? Should we not have told her?" Jake asked.
Lainey hadn't taken the news well. Understatement. She'd gone postal. Complete opposite of how Charlie and Bella had reacted. Not that he blamed her. But she thought it was something they'd done to him, forced on him. She didn't understand it was because she'd gotten pregnant by a man carrying the wolf gene, and he'd passed it down. Josh Uley could do no wrong in her mind - even after he failed to acknowledge his son or their brief affair. Or maybe she did, and that just made it worse. The man that abandoned her, even after she uprooted her life to follow him to the rez, was ultimately the reason her son was dead.
Possibly, it all came down to her personal guilt. She'd never been very good at facing reality. Lainey sort of lived in a fantasy world where she was always the victim, and everything was someone else's fault, or their actions a deliberate attempt to slight her. When she'd learned the truth about her son, she'd not been able to cope with how she'd treated him for all the secrets and lies he'd told since shifting for the first time.
"She deserved the truth," Quil reassured him.
"I guess," Jake said, still remembering the disgusted denial on her face as she'd shaken her head, desperate to dislodge the truth from her vision.
He and Quil had gone over to check on her the morning Jacob left town, and she'd slammed the door in their faces. Jake hadn't heard from Quil since that morning, but he guessed Quil was still trying to reach out to her, even if he got shut down every time.
"I actually called to thank you," Quil said, changing the subject.
"Oh? This should be good," Jake said, climbing onto the bus that had just arrived and settling into one of the hard plastic seats, his knees smashed against the seat in front of him due to his bulk. The seats really weren't designed with someone of his size and build in mind.
"I'm going to UW this fall. I move in tomorrow and start classes on Monday," he confessed, nerves or excitement making his voice shake a little.
"I thought you'd decided against it. Too many obligations on the rez," Jacob said wonderingly. He'd never have expected to hear this from his oldest friend.
"You inspired me," he joked. Then more seriously, explained, "The Cullens are gone. There's no reason for vampires to wander through here anymore. My imprint is safe. She doesn't need a protector anymore - just like yours. So why shouldn't I go out and start living my life? It's time."
He heard what Quil was really saying. He was lonely and ready to find someone that would help him move on now that Embry was gone. Anything to fill the hole left behind.
And why not a relationship? Quil had always been the most incorrigible of the three when it came to girls. Before he'd imprinted, he'd constantly bugged Bella to hook him up with one of her friends from Forks. Then there'd been Claire, and he'd stopped being Quil. More like he'd been paused. Temporarily neutered. Possibly permanently if Sam was to be believed. Guess it was finally time to press play again and find out if Sam was full of shit or not.
"I thought you didn't see them," Jake prodded, remembering a conversation they'd had on the beach while Bella had been on her honeymoon.
"You do, don't you?"
There was so much hope in the question. Jacob was relieved he could honestly admit, "Yeah. I'm starting too."
A beach volleyball game a couple days ago came to mind. He'd watched the four knockouts playing right along with Aiden, completely unashamed to be checking them out. Southern California beaches with their sunny, blue skies and a minimum of seventy-five degree days were so much more fun than the ones back home.
"I think I will too if I get away. I've never really left the rez. Barely ever even been to Seattle. There aren't all that many girls our age around here, and Forks is pretty limited as well," Quil said, talking faster as excitement revved him up.
"Funny. I think I remember trying to tell you that once," Jake teased.
"Which is why I'm calling to thank you," Quil fired back, not denying he'd been wrong or ignorant. "Is it hard to juggle the past and present?"
Again, thanks to their years of friendship, he understood what Quil was really asking. How do you keep your imprint both happy and secret?
"It was at first, but not so much now. Nessie said I didn't need to keep calling, so I sort of…"
This was already his second week of school. They started earlier than UW. Trade off was they got a longer Christmas break. It'd been days now since he last called her, and she'd not called him either, so he knew she was fine with it.
"You stopped talking to her altogether?" Quil demanded, shocked.
"Cold turkey. I highly recommend it," Jacob advised. Okay, so maybe he wasn't being entirely truthful. He'd slipped yesterday and called, just to check in, but most people slipped a few times when breaking a habit.
Glancing outside, Jacob stood. The bus was finally approaching his apartment. Seriously, he was just going to start walking. It was less than two miles and the bus took around fifteen minutes to make the journey. On a good day.
"And she's all right with that?"
"It was her suggestion. She wouldn't have made it if she wasn't," Jacob explained, wondering why his gut twisted a bit as he said it. Ness wouldn't lie to him, would she? No. It wasn't like that with them. If she needed him, he'd always come through, even if it hurt to do it. She knew that. She'd call if she just wanted to talk. He was sure of it. "Claire is four now, right?"
"Yeah," Quil agreed, clearly wondering where Jake was going with his question.
"I doubt she'll notice either," Jacob said frankly. It might be a bit blunt, but the kid was four. She'd hardly notice if Quil stopped visiting.
"Man, I can't wait to get back out there," he said, and Jake envisioned him rubbing his hands together in anticipation like some movie villain plotting world domination. Better yet, a sultan contemplating building a harem.
"Quil Ateara - lady's man," Jacob said dryly, barely resisting the urge to laugh.
"You're just jealous they always preferred me. I had muscles long before you bulked up," Quil bragged.
It was true though, he couldn't deny it. Quil had spent a couple hours a day in the gym freshman and sophomore year to try and attract some girl's attention he'd had a crush on. Then when Jacob shifted, he'd surpassed Quil in the muscle department in a matter of weeks. All without ever once hitting a gym. It was still a sore point for Quil. Probably wouldn't have been if he'd actually succeeded with the unimpressed girl.
Too bad for him. At least Jake had had a senior coming around all the time to see him.
"You know Embry would be so pissed that we don't talk anymore," Jacob said suddenly, realizing just how true his words were only after he'd already said them.
"It's got to get easier... Won't it?"
"Sure, sure," Jacob said, using his standard response, and only meaning it a little sardonically.
October
Mae had encouraged him to go out, so he did. Whenever Aiden wanted to drag Jake to some party or another, he went. Usually, he had a pretty great time too. Each time it became more natural to relax and slip into the role of a normal college student. The weight of the pack, tribe, and imprint responsibilities fell away bit by bit. The oppressive grief over losing Embry dimmed. Breathing and laughter came easier.
Tonight it was a house party just off campus. About one block from his apartment building, in fact.
From the moment he walked in, he noticed her. She was the kind of girl used to being the center of attention, he could tell. Blonde hair, blue eyes edged with dark liner until they practically popped. Sun-kissed skin, heels, and a short skirt were merely window dressing on the long-legged, perfectly toned figure. The epitome of a SoCal girl.
And from the second he walked in, she only had eyes for him. Jacob watched as the two girls she was with elbowed her and snapped their fingers in her face to regain her attention. It never lasted, as her sparkling baby-blues inevitably sought him out again. Though a couple times she did whisper to them while continuing to watch him.
He'd only agreed to come tonight for the distraction. Tomorrow, he was supposed to be returning to La Push for the first time since leaving, and he was worried about how that would go.
Honestly, this was the most blatant any girl had even shown interest in him in his life. It was a little thrilling. He felt bolder, unstoppable. Whole.
"Hi," the blonde mouthed from across the room after their eyes met for the countless time. Jacob grinned, not because of her interest, but because he could hear her even from across the noisy, crowded room filled with drunken coeds, thanks to his enhanced senses. His smile was taken as an invitation, and she broke away from her friends to fearlessly approach him. "I'm Alyson. Get a girl a drink?"
"Sure, uh… " he began, not knowing what she'd like, and a little thrown by her introduction.
"Whatever you're having works," she encouraged, smiling widely and showing off luminescent white teeth. Jacob located Aiden, and his friend handed him a cup, having watched their interaction from a little ways away.
"Go get her," Aiden instructed, raising his own cup in salute.
Jacob weaved back through the people to where Alyson was waiting, and passed off the requested cup, having no idea what was in it, but trusting Aiden to have prepared something a girl like Alyson would enjoy. Barbies typically sipped fruity cocktails, right? She smiled brightly when he handed it over, and he was encouraged.
Now what?
"Do you go to school here?" he asked, not having really done the small talk thing much and mentally acknowledging that he was pretty bad at it.
"What?" Alyson asked, face scrunching adorably.
"Do you go to school here?" Jacob repeated, shifting awkwardly.
Alyson shook her head, tilting it towards him even as it scrunched more. "It's really loud in here. Want to go for a walk?" she suggested, giggling briefly.
"Yeah, that'd be great," he agreed, nodding.
She downed the entire drink he'd handed her like a champ, then grabbed his hand to pull him outside.
"Much better," she said, sighing happily when they stepped out into the cooler night air. She didn't let go of his hand, even as she turned to walk backwards, grinning up at him and pulling him along the sidewalk like a little tugboat hauling a steamer.
"Are you a student here too?" he tried for a third time.
"Yep. What's your major?" she asked, almost tripping on a broken piece of concrete in her platform wedges, but Jacob steadied her, earning a giant smile as a reward.
"Engineering," he revealed, breathing steadying as it became easier to talk to her. He could do this. Dating wasn't so impossible.
"Smart and attractive," she announced, looking him up and down in undisguised surprise and interest. "I'd have guessed model."
Uncomfortable, he rubbed the back of his neck. Never had a girl been so forthright with him. It threw him off. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to compliment her back or if it was just something she was saying because of the alcohol. She laughed at his predicament, shaking her head ruefully. After another beat, she rolled her eyes and turned, glancing around.
"Isn't she beautiful?" Alyson suddenly gasped, dragging him towards the car parked a little ways up the street.
It was a 1970 Pontiac Firebird in great condition. Not the most amazing car he'd ever seen, but it definitely stood out on this street tonight. The car was the bright yellow favored back then, and Jacob could tell it had been recently restored because the front grill wasn't the original metal, but a newer mesh with a honeycomb design not used back then.
"You're into cars?" Jacob asked as she eyed the vehicle critically. How many girls were into cars, his biggest hobby and passion?
Seeing Alyson studying the car with apparent knowledge and interest reminded Jacob of his ill-fated trip to Seattle the day he imprinted, and the girl he'd met. He should have gotten her number. Perhaps this was his second chance. His opportunity not to make that same mistake.
"My granddad is into hotrods. They get borrowed for movies all the time," she said casually, still focused on the car.
Hollywood. Wow. They were from completely different worlds.
"That must be pretty cool," Jacob said uncertainly. Maybe he should wait for the next opportunity. Really, how much else could he have in common with her?
"I guess. I just like the cars. He lets me help work on them most weekends," she said, shrugging and walking back over to his side. She swallowed, taking his hand again, then offered, "I'll show you sometime if you want."
Or maybe the differences weren't too vast, after all. Maybe they would be just enough to keep things interesting. And if she was already planning to see him again...
"Is your dorm close?" she asked suddenly.
"I live in that apartment complex right over there," he said pointing to the building that could just be seen.
"Very cool," she decreed, not looking at all skeptical considering it was one of the cheapest places to rent from in the area. Guess appearances could be deceiving. He'd sort of expected her to turn her nose up the way Rosalie Cullen would have.
"Want to come over?" he offered impulsively.
"I thought you'd never ask," she breathed, biting her lower lip. His eyes immediately zeroed in on it, and he was overcome with the desire to kiss her.
What would it be like? He'd only ever kissed Bella, and that hadn't been ideal. He still couldn't believe he'd been so caught up that first time reveling in the fact he was finally going for it, that he'd missed the way she wanted him to stop.
He'd been pretty angry with himself after the fact. It wasn't cool to kiss someone against their will. He'd just been so certain that a kiss was all it would take to change her mind - like a Disney princess. Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, and he was her prince. Hindsight was a bitch. He should have known better.
For a long time afterwards, he'd wondered what it would be like to kiss someone that actually wanted him. He'd seen in the pack mind what it would be like, and he noted the differences between those interactions and what he felt with Bella. He'd been such a naive little fool back then.
As soon as his front door shut, Alyson pulled off her shirt, dropping it on the floor and looking at him expectantly. Jacob had no idea what he was supposed to say or do. He'd been caught up in his internal musings the last three minutes it took to reach the door of his apartment.
"Which room is yours?" she asked, unzipping her frayed jean skirt as she began moving towards the hallway. Jacob felt his feet moving, shuffling after her like a zombie in a trance.
"Uhhh, that one," he said pointing, dumbstruck.
"You coming?" she asked seductively, stepping out of her skirt just inside the door to his room and walking backwards towards his bed, reaching enticingly for him.
It was almost an out-of-body experience for him. Hormones dictated his actions. Thinking played no part, as rational thought fled in the face of sensation. He yanked his shirt off without preamble, then his hands were on her, tracing soft curves and femanine parts he'd never touched on another before as her clever fingers undid his pants and shoved them down his muscled thighs, moaning at the feel of his hands on her soft flesh.
Once the fabric was gone, Alyson laughed merrily, gripping him securely and murmuring, "Comando?"
Jacob had done away with underwear within a day of phasing. There was no point when he was shifting so regularly. It wasn't like he planned to tie them to his leg in addition to his shorts every time and have them hanging out for all to see. Usually, there wasn't time to waste anyways. After a while it'd just become habit, and he'd never gone back.
"Yeah," he admitted, bending to kiss her neck when she tilted her head to expose the golden column.
"I like it," she said, stroking him firmly. "Easy access to what I want, and this is a welcome surprise," she added with an extra squeeze that had him bucking helplessly into her closed fist.
Overwhelming didn't begin to describe what Jake was feeling. It was so different having someone else touch him than it was when he touched himself. The soft, cool touch eliciting a flood of endorphins and pleasure.
Clumsy, unpracticed fingers unfastened her hot pink bra, struggling and failing twice before managing to get the little metal prongs free, and she pulled her arms out of the straps even as she continued kissing his chest. Then she shoved her matching lace panties off, kicking them away as she stepped back, placing both hands on his chest.
"Condoms?"
"Nightstand," he gasped, falling back on the bed when she pushed his chest, knowing that was what she intended, even if she wasn't actually strong enough to budge him if he didn't let her.
He'd have to remember to thank Paul for giving him the brand new box of condoms when he moved in. Never thought they'd find themselves in that position, but the other wolf had said to use him as a cautionary tale and always suit up.
In no time at all, Alyson had him gloved and had moved to straddle him, sinking fully onto his length in a single blissful motion.
Fast. Not as bad as it could have been on his part, but probably not the best showing she'd ever had either. A solid six - if he had to rate himself. Honestly, she'd ridden him like a horse. His inexperience didn't seem to matter as she directed their encounter. Jake had just enjoyed the ride and grit his teeth to keep from exploding too soon.
She collapsed onto him afterwards. Jacob wrapped arms securely around her and rolled to his side, tucking her head under his chin.
"Umm, can you move a little? You're like - excessively hot. I think you've got a fever or something," she said immediately, bracing her hands against his chest.
"Oh, sorry," Jacob said, flushing with embarrassment and shifting away. Jared used to worry about that a lot with Kim, but it'd been a while since he thought of it, so he'd forgotten how uncomfortable it could be for others, particularly immediately after physical exertion when their skin was even hotter than normal.
He needed to dispose of the condom anyways. It was uncomfortably tight and sticky. If this was going to become a common occurrence, he'd need to get a trash can for his bedroom. Walking down the hall after each time, and potentially running into Aiden didn't sound very appealing.
Alyson got up when he did, quickly pulling on her discarded panties and hooking her bra. Jacob watched uncertainly as she glanced around, and when she grabbed her skirt, asked, "Uh, you're leaving?"
"I have an early class, and I'm meeting friends before it for breakfast. I'll leave you my number though," she said, walking out of the room even as she spoke. "Thanks!"
Jacob grabbed his shorts and headed to the bathroom to clean up, listening as Alyson opened and closed the door, leaving without ever stopping to write down her number or put it in his phone. Then he remembered that tomorrow was Saturday - the first day of fall break.
She'd lied. There were no classes tomorrow.
"Catherine is never going to believe I nailed him," Alyson giggled from the hallway, the words muffled by the walls as Jacob followed the progress of her hasty exit.
Hell. She'd never even asked his name.
They hadn't even kissed on the lips.
He'd just had sex with a girl that didn't know the first thing about him.
He hadn't even gotten to properly appreciate the experience and savor it.
Jacob made his way into the kitchen, startled when he caught sight of Aiden leaning against the counter sipping a glass of water. He was always going on about proper hydration if you wanted to avoid a hangover and still catch some early waves the next morning.
"Who was that?" he asked, smirking knowingly.
"Alyson," Jake muttered, rubbing a hand over his face.
"Sounded like you rocked her world," Aiden acknowledged. She had been rather vocal with her encouragement and praise. Was any of it real?
"I think she used me," Jacob admitted, baffled. Was this normal? Did people really have one night stands? He'd never thought he would have one, especially not accidentally.
"That a first for you?" Aiden said, lips parting slightly as he took Jacob in more closely now, working out the solution to a problem he hadn't realized he was solving until the answer came to him.
If this had happened a couple months ago, Aiden would have been a lot more surprised, but they'd been friends for months now, and he'd seen firsthand how little experience Jacob had with women.
"In more ways than one - strike that. I've been used, just not like that," Jacob said dryly.
"What a way to lose it," Aiden said, shaking his head in amazement. Alyson had been rather stunning to look at. Too bad it was only superficial. "Well, at least you'll have a good story to share with your friends when you get home tomorrow," he added, reminding Jacob that he was supposed to be leaving for La Push the next morning to spend the week with Nessie.
Already, he felt like a mess over the trip. This just made it infinitely worse. There was no way he could face any of the Cullens or his family after that. She'd be disappointed in him - not that he'd ever tell her. Jasper would instantly feel his shame and demand to know why though - he didn't really think Jacob deserved to keep things private from him, not now that they were friends and Jacob was such a significant part of his daughter's life. And his dad… Billy Black had not raised him to use women like that - or be used, he guessed was a better description. Regardless, he couldn't look any of them in the eye right now.
Guess he'd have to wait until the wedding to return. Get a handle on himself before he faced them.
December
"I can't see my feet, everything hurts, I have to pee every five minutes. And Paul ate the last of the ice cream last night, but he's at work right now and can't get me anymore. How do you think I am?" Rachel said, not five minutes after Jacob walked in.
So it was like that, was it? Guess she was due in a little under two weeks.
"Missed you too, Sis," Jacob said. Rachel threw a pillow at his head in response.
Charlie and Sue's wedding was the next day, and he'd come early to see his dad and sister. It only took him a little over seven months to gather his nerve and resolve enough to return.
"Bella was so lucky to only have to do this for a couple of weeks," Rachel grumbled, trying to readjust and get comfortable again now that she'd lost a pillow to cushion her belly.
"Yeah, guess she only had to worry about broken bones, liver lacerations, and drinking blood," Jacob said dryly, taking pity on Rachel and returning the pillow. He even helped her wedge it between her hip and the threadbare arm of the sofa.
"Oh, poor Bella. Boo hoo. He's got Paul's temper, and he's taking it out on my bladder," Rachel growled. Jacob wisely stayed silent this time, though he did catch Billy's suppressed grin.
That's right, it was a boy. He'd have a nephew soon. Hard to believe. And Rachel actually knew for sure that it was a boy - unlike Bella's woefully wrong guess.
"Have you gotten your final grades?" Billy asked, changing the subject.
"All As," Jacob said easily. They were all intro classes, so not exactly rocket science, even with the two extra classes he'd taken.
"I expected nothing less," Billy said.
"Well I did. It's not like he's ever focused on school before," Rachel said, calling him out whether because she was his sister and that's just what siblings did, or because she was a teacher herself now and took mortal offense to anyone that didn't respect the sanctity of education.
It could also be the pregnancy hormones. Those seemed to be doing a number on her personality.
"At least I'm in college," Jacob said, taking a light jab at Paul.
Paul had gotten a job as a logger. It was pretty much his only option around Forks since he only had a high school diploma and no other trade skills. Mostly, he sheared off tree limbs with a chainsaw all day. He made a pretty decent living all things considered. He and Rachel had already saved up enough to cover closing costs on a small house in Forks this coming summer.
They were planning to stay with Billy until then so he could help with the baby, though Rachel would be on maternity leave all of next semester. The teaching thing was pretty convenient. She'd get the semester to get used to caring for a baby, then the summer to move and get settled into her new home.
Jacob and Paul were on better terms than ever before. Occasionally, Paul would even call to check on him - without someone prompting or forcing him to. And it was his future brother-in-law, because yeah, they still weren't married - Rachel refused to be pregnant in her wedding dress. Anyways, it was Paul that kept him updated about his nephew and sent ultrasound pictures.
They spent a few hours teasingly bickering after that, Billy watching happily. It was the most he'd had with at least two of his three children in the house at the same time since before Rachel and Rebecca graduated high school. Even after Rachel moved back, Jake avoided interacting with everyone if he could help it. Except for the couple months before he went to Guatemala with Nessie, Bella, and Jasper. For once it actually felt like they were a family again.
Eventually, Jacob excused himself to the garage, wanting to see what had become of it in his absence. Was it even still standing? Surprisingly, it was. Paul must check on it after any storms that went through the area because there weren't any obvious signs of leaking or water damage. All of his prized tools were exactly where he'd left them. Waiting for him to return. Remembering all the hours Jacob had spent locked in here.
Ghosts flitted in and out. Echoes of laughter, flashes of almost seen friends. They'd worked on Embry's dirt bike here. Quil and Embry had teased him about Bella here too - repeatedly. Embry had even slept out here a few times when things with his mom got too bad. More than a few times honestly.
It was a mistake coming back to La Push so soon. He wasn't ready for this. Not ready to face the demons plaguing him. They clawed at his delicate soul, worn thin as tissue paper, nails snagging and ripping it into transparent bits.
That was where Quil, Leah and Seth found him a few minutes later. His pack seeking their alpha.
Seth immediately pulled Jacob into a bear hug, slapping his back like he'd been looking forward to seeing him for months. Though to be fair, that was precisely the case. His scent was thoroughly entwined with Alice's, the sweet woodsy scent more appealing and less sickly when combined with the wolf's natural outdoorsy one. Guess Seth had enjoyed the reunion with his girlfriend, mate, whatever she was to him at this point.
Quil thumped his back a few times too, and Leah gave him a nod. She looked completely different than she had a little over a year ago when she'd still been part of Sam's pack. Now, she was smiling, her hair was a little longer - not much, because of phasing - but the difference suited her more. Softened the edges a bit. The cold, hardness in her eyes had thawed some as well.
"Aren't you two supposed to be having a family dinner with Charlie, Sue, and some of the Cullens?" Jacob asked the siblings. He was sure Mae or Bella had mentioned it recently.
"We're on our way. Heard you were here and wanted to stop in," Leah said, shrugging like it was no big deal.
"Leah was worried you'd take off before the wedding," Seth added, ratting his older sister out. Her hand had flown out to smack the back of his head before he'd even finished speaking. Which meant, Seth was probably telling the truth.
Funny. He'd just been contemplating doing that very thing.
"I was thinking about it. But I've got to stop running away the second things get hard," Jacob said, determined to make the effort and follow through with it. Guess he and Edward were a bit alike in that regard. Ugh. He did not want to share that particular trait with the leech.
He may like the rest of the Cullens, even Blondie, but Edward would always be the leech to him. Memories of fighting over Bella, then trying to carefully explain to Nessie why her dad didn't want her had thoroughly tainted that relationship. It would take centuries or a miracle to mend - whichever came first.
"Acknowledging your failure is half the battle. I'm still waiting to see a time when you successfully stick around," Leah said frankly.
"At least I can own up to my issues," Jake replied defensively.
"I freely admit I have feelings for Edward - despite all odds and numerous differences. It's not my fault he's stuck in Italy and I can't act on them," Leah admitted, coming right out and announcing what they'd only discussed privately on the rare occasion Leah was willing to make herself vulnerable this last year and a half.
"Plus we're all still waiting on Carlisle to see if it's possible," Seth added, acknowledging his own frustrations.
Alice was refusing to risk Seth's life by experimenting even a little. She wouldn't even allow more than chast kissing since the first few times they kissed, too worried she'd lose control now that they'd started building up some fairly significant sexual tension.
"He still running tests?" Quil asked, sympathetic to this particular struggle. He'd abstained - from trying to pick up girls at least - for over a year after imprinting.
"All morning. It's looking good so far. We -," Seth broke off, flushing a brilliant scarlet over whatever he'd almost shared. Interesting, or disturbing more like. Maybe Alice was getting tired of waiting too. "We should be heading out, right, Lee?"
"Bye guys," Leah said, rolling her eyes at her brother, but she looped an arm around his neck and hauled him out anyways. Saving him from the ribbing Quil looked eager to deliver.
"Speaking of relationships. I saw Claire today," Quil announced once the other two were gone.
"And?"
"I can't believe how different it was - now that I'm seeing girls, and whatnot," Quil said, shaking his head, utterly bemused at some memory. "You looking forward to seeing Mae?"
"Yeah. I hadn't realized until just now how much I've been missing her," Jacob admitted, finally putting the feeling into words. The dull ache in the center of his chest, persistently throbbing like a bruise getting repeatedly bumped. He touched the spot unconsciously, but Quil noted it.
It was something he never let himself think about. It scared him too much. Disgusted him too. The mere possibility that he ever could desire her the way Sam had suggested, no matter when it happened. After the spell Bella had managed to weave over him, it wasn't a risk he was keen to take. Particularly while she was in this awkward place of growing into an adult body at lightning speed while still a child. It was just so wrong.
But he missed the ease between them. How they knew each other so well they could finish each other's sentences. How easy laughing was when she was around. Her compassion and kindness. The way she was always challenging him, until every inconsequential act felt like a game - one he somehow always felt like he won, even when she demolished him. How little he resented being a wolf with her.
"That'll change once you finally get laid," Quil said knowingly, like he'd just been waiting for an opportunity to bring the subject up and brag.
"What makes you think I haven't?" Jacob asked, deadpan with only a single eyebrow raised in question.
"You, dog! You didn't say a word! When? Who?" Quil demanded, punching his shoulder.
"It wasn't exactly my proudest moment," Jacob muttered, already regretting getting sucked into this macho comparison.
"Too quick, huh? Happened to me too," Quil guessed, sharing entirely too much about his own experience.
"No - not that," Jake denied quickly, holding up his hands to stop Quil from making any other incorrect assumptions or sharing more embarrassing details. "She just sort of used me."
"That's a bad thing? Several girls have used me. It's awesome," Quil said, nodding slowly and grinning widely. Embry would have had a field day with that.
"Not really my style." Jake sighed. He needed something more meaningful. He wanted to talk to the same girl every day about new and different things. Not repeat the same basic, highly edited, facts to a different girl each day. That just seemed so pointless. Redundant. Exhausting.
"So get a steady girlfriend," Quil advised, like that would be the natural step to take. It did sort of make sense. He just hadn't met any that made an impression or seemed worth the effort.
"Maybe I will," Jacob said, wondering if that could be a possible solution for everything wrong in his life.
The rest of the evening was spent with Rachel, Paul, and Billy after Quil left. Paul hovered around Rachel, constantly trying to offer her things. Anything really, so long as it would make her more comfortable. Rachel, for her part, found fault with everything and everyone. She'd always been easy going and more of a think first, act later person. Jacob sincerely missed the sister he used to have, and he'd only spent a few hours with this version of her. Billy just watched it all, smiling fondly.
He might have been furious that they were so reckless as to accidentally get pregnant, but he'd come around quickly enough. Now he just couldn't wait to meet his grandson. Apparently, he was a little sore Charlie had beat him on that front.
They were late getting to the church the next day because they had to stop for Rachel to use the restroom at the gas station on the way. Her seriously pea-sized bladder insisted they go again after the thirty minute ceremony ended, so they were the last out of the church since they waited on her to pee again.
The reception was at the lodge just up the road, so they walked. Well… Rachel waddled. Jacob swore no one had ever been as pregnant as she currently was. Was it possible she was actually having twins? Those ran in his family. Every generation, without fail, a set of twins was born. Maybe the ultrasound tech had gotten it wrong and missed the second baby.
Paul glared at him to keep his thoughts to himself just before he opened his mouth to ask about it. Weird. Maybe Paul had similar suspicions. Or he thought Jake was going to comment on their snail's pace or the size of Rachel's belly and ankles, and he didn't want to be left dealing with it when Jake left later tonight. That was definitely possible too.
The first person he saw when he entered was Bella. She stood impossibly still. Cold and aloof. It was so unnatural. As much as she was the same girl he first became friends with, there were a million tiny, inconsequential ways she was different. Other. Vampiric. Sometimes he couldn't believe he'd ever really thought turning would be equivalent to her dying. He'd been so naive then. About so many things.
"His favorite food, in his favorite place, with his favorite people," Jacob said, coming up behind Bella. This reception was straight out of Charlie's fantasies.
"I can't tell you how glad I am not to have to eat this food ever again," she said, wrinkling her nose as she looked at a partially eaten plate on a nearby table.
"It's actually pretty good," Jacob informed her. He wouldn't be turning his nose up once he found himself a plate.
"I'm glad you came. I thought you might skip it," she murmured, knowing him too well. Even if they only talked once a month, if that, Bella got him.
"Charlie and Sue are family. I had to at least make an appearance - once Rachel managed to remember she has feet in addition to a bladder," Jacob said, rolling his eyes.
"Have you talked to her yet?" Bella asked, scanning his face. There was no need to clarify who she meant.
"No. Where is she?" he asked, glancing around the room. He didn't see her long bronze curls anywhere.
"Charlie insisted on pictures. I think she's trapped for a few more minutes at least," she said, though he continued looking for Nessie. Which doors would she come through? "Is the distance helping?"
"It was. But then I look around -" he cut off abruptly when he spotted the last person he'd expected to see there.
"Embry's mom. Yeah, Sue invited her," Bella said sadly. Lainey was sitting alone at a table in the corner shooting daggers at him, like she'd been waiting for this very moment all night. If looks could kill...
"I can't. I… I can't. Not yet," Jake said, stepping quickly back and shaking his head, needing more space between them.
"Go on, Jake. I'll explain to her," Jazz said, appearing suddenly beside them. His concern for Jake was nearly his undoing. Never had he believed a vampire would look at him with such sympathy.
Without a word, he spun and fled the room, fleeing demons intent on tormenting him eternally.
January
Rachel didn't go into labor until four days after her due date. Jacob was abruptly grateful they had so many miles separating them during that time. She was not a pleasant pregnant woman. He actually felt a little bad for Paul having to put up with her. The word karma came to mind too.
Maybe they'd be a little more careful in the future and not forget a condom again. They were pretty young to be parents.
Billy called when they were on the way to the hospital, and Jake called off work, and skipped his classes to drive up immediately.
The second Jacob saw his nephew, he worried something was wrong. The baby looked nothing like what Nessie had. Then he checked himself. Nessie had been special, of course his nephew didn't look like she had - he wasn't part vampire.
"We named him Thomas. Thomas William Lahote," Rachel said, beaming when Jake came in the room. Oh, thank god. She was back to normal Rachel - he got there right on time then.
"Can I hold him?" Jacob asked, coming over to her bedside. It made him smile when he saw Thomas was bundled up in the blanket he'd given his sister for Christmas. The soft fleece had circus animals doing stunts printed on it. It had reminded him of Paul.
"You're an uncle," Paul said, lifting Thomas and offering him to Jake, not batting an eye at letting Jake hold his infant son.
The wolf's protective instinct normally balked at letting others near their young so soon. Either Paul really was at peace with him, or he was reassured because he sensed the alpha in Jacob - it grew restless when he was close to the rez, and even more so when other wolves were near. He'd figured that out when he'd come home for the wedding.
Gently, Jake ran a finger over the downy softness of the infant's russet cheek. It wasn't as soft as Nessie's had been. Less rosy, and much darker hued than she'd been too.
Seeing the little face also reminded him that he might not ever have kids of his own. What if Sam was right about that? He knew it was technically possible, there was at least one story about it - Sam's own relative at that, but Jacob couldn't see himself becoming a parent unless he loved someone with his entire being. With the imprinting, was that even possible for him? Or would it hold him back?
"When is Mae getting here?" Billy asked, watching Jacob and his grandson.
"I didn't tell her," Jacob said, glancing up in time to see his dad press his lips firmly together in disapproval. "She barely knows Rachel, and she's not asked anything about it," Jacob said defensively. Should he have called her anyways? It would make up for not getting a chance to talk to her at the wedding, but it wasn't like she could travel to Forks by herself.
"Are you avoiding her?"
"No. I'm just only here for a day, and I wanted to spend it with you guys," Jacob said, scoffing at the idea that he was doing that. "Besides, she's too young to travel alone, and you know how Paul would be if she came with even just Bella and Jazz."
Though if he were honest, which he didn't want to be, the idea of looking into her eyes again terrified him. The last time he'd met her gaze head on, was the moment Embry died. Would he relive the trauma of that moment if he saw her again and braved it? He'd admitted to missing her before Sue and Charlie's wedding, and was willing to risk it, but he'd buried the desire to see her back down since then. Buried it so deep it'd be years before the urge saw the light of day again.
"One of these days you're going to have to stop punishing her for being what she is and who," Billy said gruffly, clearly unhappy with Jacob. Since when was Billy siding with vamps? Even if the vamp in question was Nessie.
"I'm not! I wouldn't do that to her. This is what she wants. She told me," Jake insisted, though it sounded weak to his own ears.
This was right for both of them. She'd said it was what she wanted. Wasn't it?
"So she did," Billy agreed quietly, but Jacob knew he didn't truly believe the words.
January
Nessie called almost a week later. It was only just eight in the morning. Guess Nessie was impatient. He was finally eighteen, though Jasper had gotten him documents saying he already was so he could rent an apartment without jumping through too many hoops - the Cullen connections really were convenient, and Jazz was a true friend. Certainly better than Edward. He'd also given him a fake license, so good you'd never guess it wasn't real, that claimed Jacob was twenty-one. It had come in useful a number of times since he'd moved.
"What do you want for your birthday?" she demanded, the melodic words sounding like music. Good morning to you too, he thought, but couldn't resist chuckling at her enthusiasm.
"I couldn't say," he admitted honestly, suddenly remembering she'd asked him the same exact thing the year before.
"How about your family?" she ventured, and he knew she was nervous. Probably fidgeting with a curl. She always tugged on one when she was uncertain or feared disappointing someone.
"I don't follow," he said carefully, not wanting to hurt her feelings when she was trying to do something nice for him.
"I made arrangements with Billy. You'll have to wait, but he, Rachel, and Thomas are going to fly down and see you when Rachel's school is on spring break," Mae revealed.
"Ness, that's way too much," Jake breathed, stunned. If he could have anything, that would be it. Seeing them last week, so happy and moving forward made him want to be more involved in their lives. It was just difficult submerging himself in the past when he only got to see them in La Push. And the place was filled to the brim with unwelcome reminders.
"It's from the whole family, not just me. But you haven't gotten the chance to get to know your nephew. I wanted to give you something meaningful, and I know you don't want to go to La Push - so I'm bringing it to you," she explained.
"You have," he said, amazed at her thoughtfulness, and her ease at reading him even after months apart and only a few conversations.
The fact that she was so familiar with Billy as to make the arrangements damped his joy a touch. They'd remained closer than Jacob realized. A tendril of guilt wove through him, wrapping around various organs and insistently burrowing in like the root of a weed. Looked like Billy had had a point when he'd asked about her coming for Thomas's birth. He should have known. Nessie was family, would always be family - forever.
January
Thinking about Nessie and Billy stayed with him. Billy's comments. Nessie's insistence, but the little indescrepencies in her words. For three days, he thought of little else. Finally, he decided to just call and ask her point blank. Always, she'd been unflinchingly frank with him about what she wanted and needed from him. If there was a problem, she'd be honest. Particularly if he came out and asked her.
"Nessie?" he questioned anxiously when she answered.
Her reply was a giggling, mock-serious, "Jacob?" uttered in an overly deep voice.
"Are you all right?" Jacob asked awkwardly, not really knowing how to put his worries into words.
"What do you mean?" she asked, dread making her voice quiet and slow.
"Are you happy? Should I have called and invited you when Thomas was born? Should I be in Alaska with you? Do you need me?" he rambled, vomiting out a number of his concerns. Worst case scenarios had been playing out in his mind since he was in Forks, and were amplified on his birthday.
"I'm happy. The only thing I need from you, is for you to live your life for yourself and not to worry about me. Stay in California. Have fun with Aiden," she insisted, sounding almost relieved. Had he frightened her? Made her think something bad was happening with the sudden call?
"Renesmee -" he tried, needing to double, triple check. He'd be on the next plane if she asked.
"I mean it, Jacob," she said, sounding every bit as stubborn as Bella always had when her mind was set.
"If that changes -"
"I have your number. If I thought we should be talking more, I'd call you," she promised. "I don't because you're busy, and that's the way it's supposed to be. We each have our own lives now. We can be friends without every moment revolving around the other - save that for your soulmate."
"Sure, sure," he muttered.
Yet even as she said all the right things, he was only slightly appeased. What if she was lying because she was trying to do the right thing for him? It's what he would do if the situation was reversed.
April
Jake had taken to going for a hike every Sunday morning super early. During the hike, he would phase and run. He had no intention of ever giving up his wolf. Even after everything. Even when he hated what he was. Somehow he knew it wouldn't always be this way for him. He just had to make it through to the other side.
Typically, he was the only one in wolf form when he did shift because of the time. This was deliberate on his part so no one else would be in his head. His head wasn't a welcome place for his brothers and sister. They eagerly avoided him like this as much as he did them.
This morning, though, Seth was there. Immediately, he was bombarded with news.
You're moving in with Alice? Jake asked, surprised by the piece of news. He'd suspected they were headed in that direction, but wow. Living together. That was pretty serious.
Yeah. Jake, man, we're like together, together, Seth thought, awe for the little pixie clear in his every thought. And every thought he had seemed to involve her just then.
So it is possible, Jake thought, a little surprised that it was possible for natural enemies to be intimate, but some of the flashes he caught clearly demonstrated that they were. He'd never really believed vampires could have sex. He'd been caught off guard when introduced to the idea the first time at Bella's wedding reception. Why would someone want to do that with a cold stone?
Definitely. We spent a week locked in the Cullen place -
Jacob saw Alice shirtless, Seth's mouth kissing down her chest to tease a nipple on the sofa Jacob had sat on many times before - and now never would again. Then a naked Alice, head thrown back as she undulated over Seth in one of the bedrooms, the sheets raked up around them.
Too many details, Seth, Jacob thought sternly, cutting the overeager pup off when his thoughts slipped to his latest adventures.
Sorry. I'm just so happy, Seth gushed, his elation infectious. Alice picked me. She's over a hundred years old, beyond beautiful, brilliant, fun. She could have anyone, wait for someone better to come along - but she picked me. She wants to be with me forever. And it works - on every level.
That's really good, Jake thought, pleased for his packmate. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Seth.
He wondered what Leah thought of it… Would she really try things with the prudish bloodsucker? Somehow Jacob couldn't picture him doing something as basic as sex. He was just too prim and proper. Though Nessie's existence was evidence to the contrary.
Again, how could the idea of sex with something that cold and unfeeling -
It's not like that. It's so intense. Passionate, fun. I'm strong enough that she doesn't feel hard to me, just really firm. And between the speed, temperature changes and the friction -
Another flash of Alice's bare breast cupped in Seth's hand, her nipple caught between his fingers popped up before his eyes.
All right! I get it. You're happy.
You're not though, are you? Seth thought, picking up on his sadness.
No. It's not really any better. I miss him all the time, and I can't stop blaming myself, Jacob admitted. It was almost the one year anniversary of Embry's death. Next week. Some days were better than others, but this was definitely one of the bad ones. It'd been a long time since his thoughts were laid bare to his packmates like this. There were no secrets in the collective mind.
Have you tried talking about it with someone?
I can't exactly talk to a shrink.
What better way to end up locked in a padded room than tell someone he was suffering PTSD because he watched his best friend, who happened to turn into a werewolf, get killed by a vampire. And now he was feeling guilty because he abused his alpha power. Plus he'd not been there to help because he was in another country with his half-vampire imprint. There was definitely nothing wrong with all of that. Nope. Nothing.
I was thinking Mae. She'd be there for you if you let her, Seth suggested. Jacob knew he wanted to add to that, but he was deliberately thinking of Alice to block the thoughts. He was seeing way too much, but he owed it to Seth to finish this conversation. Just like you've been there for her.
She's too young. I can't bury her under the weight of my problems. She'll feel responsible, and I don't want to do that to her. He could never put her in that position. None of it had been her fault.
You're not giving her enough credit. She's not a little kid. And she probably wouldn't mind unburdening on you too. Just because she's not in danger doesn't mean things don't trouble her. Or are you still worried about what Sam said?
That's definitely part of it. Space seems like the best plan, at least for now.
Maybe when she was a little older they could be friends like that. The kind that bared their souls to one another and were pillars for the other to lean on, but for now, he still felt the need to protect her too strongly for that.
Well, I'm here then, Seth offered. We could talk more like this. I miss Embry too, and I understand the situation.
That'd be nice. Thanks, Seth, Jacob thought, hoping he'd get Alice out of his system enough before they shared a mind again so he wouldn't have to watch the porno in the background while they talked.
I'll work on it, Seth promised, already trying to think of one of their more platonic moments when they'd looked at constellations together - fully clothed. I know you're not ready to come back to La Push. Don't feel like you have to for me.
That's right. His graduation party was coming up soon. Alice had sent him an invitation. It was a relief hearing he wasn't expected to show up. Charlie and Sue's wedding had been hard enough. Sam would surely be at Seth's party, and he couldn't handle that.
Thanks. I'm proud of you, Seth. Good luck with Alice in Alaska.