38: Stop distracting me, from yournameisyours
17: You don't have to act like you're okay, you know? From juu-story
85: Stay, please? From cb150681
I'm sorry if I didn't respect what you asked me, but I got this idea and I really hope you will like it.
I really thank everyone for the messages you sent me and, slowly, I'ill write other stories! Don't forget to write me every time something comes to your mind, I'm glad!
I also want to thank Rvb92 for the help he is giving me these days (I promise I'll write what you asked me!)
Love you all, H.
"Mum?"
Hailey slowly went downstairs, one hand sliding down the wall trying not to make noise and hearing her father's footsteps downstairs at the same time.
"Mum?", she repeated softly.
She did not hear any noise, except for a slight sob from the closet at the end of the corridor.
Appearing into the room and seeing the shape of her mother's ball against the wall made her sigh. She should have studied all night probably, the next day she had an important science exam but surely she would not leave her mother in those conditions now.
Being the youngest daughter and still three years of age for college involved the obligation to stay in a violent and uncomfortable home. Her brothers were already in college, so she could no longer take refuge in their room and sleep with them on the most difficult nights.
Now she was grown, she remained closed in her room until her father's screams faded and she could finally go down to see her mother's condition.
"Hailey, sweetheart. Dad and his friends went to the garage, go back to study. Everything is alright."
Her mother's kind smile had always been able to break her heart a little. She loved her more than she loved herself but she couldn't really understand why just live with that man.
Getting to the medicine cabinet and returning to her was now normal. She was disinfecting the cut on her face when she reached out and stroked her cheek.
"My sweet, sweet little girl. When the time comes, you'll go away from us and you'll finally have the chance to shine in all your light."
A tear slipped on Camille's cheek and Hailey hurriedly dried it, then smiled slightly.
"Stop distracting me, mom. I'm almost done here."
They remained silent for as long as Hailey needed to disinfect the cut. She was giving one last caress on her mother's bruised cheek when heavy footsteps made her block.
Her father's angry grunts were followed by the closet door that swung open violently.
Hailey found herself flattened against the wall in the hope he wouldn't notice her. Evidently a ridiculous hope considering the fact that, as soon as he focused the room, his eyes locked on her. And like every time, she already knew what would happen.
She was just so tired, so incredibly tired, to endure that life. She swallowed proudly every time her father slapped her, every time - by mistake, as his mother wanted to convince her - he hit her on the face. She had learned how hide the bruises, she had learned to use enough concealer to not show the purple marks on the cheekbones, on the cheeks.
But sometimes she was just too tired.
She tiredly dragged herself up the stairs after what could have been hours, when only a few minutes had passed. She picked up the books she needed the next day and came out the window sliding along the pergola.
Rain lashed her face but the cold of the Chicago winter was a grateful relief to her bleeding lip.
It was dark and the storm certainly didn't help make the journey more pleasant.
She would gladly have gone to Kim, her sweet friend Kim. In her perfect home, with her perfect family and probably her perfect boyfriend. But Kim was out of Chicago for a few days and Hailey found herself walking down the driveway to the only other person who knew would welcome her.
"Hailey?"
She looked up wearily noticing her best friend's confused look.
"Uhm, am I disturbing you?"
She found herself muttering, pulling the hood over her eyes. She hated feeling like this, as if asking for alms. As if she was unable to live her life and needed to go to someone else's house to be well. But actually it was just what it was, she needed to go to other houses to be well.
"Hailey", he sighed, bowing his head to her height, "What the hell happened?"
He dragged her into the house, taking her away from the pouring rain, grabbing her by the arm and then lifting her face and sighing loudly. The next moment she was gently pushed into the kitchen and, before she could notice what she was doing, Jay had slipped out of the room in silence.
The table was occupied by a single plate and a glass of water. She cursed silently realizing that Jay had probably just come back from his swimming training and the last thing he wanted was to be disturbed.
"Hailey, honey", a gentle hand stroked her hair and she was suddenly brought back to reality, "Would you like a cup of hot chocolate? On evenings like these I think it's the ideal."
Jay's mom passed her smiling softly before approaching the stove. She saw him leaning against the door jamb staring at her in silence.
She had known him for two years, since Kim, who was dating Adam, introduced her to him. And from that moment, they were simply inseparable. He was her best friend and probably without him and without his mother, Hailey would be lost.
The following year he would join the army and every time she thought about it, she would end up feeling a grip on her stomach because she couldn't bear the idea of not having him around.
Her loyal, intelligent and kind friend, in war.
"I'm sorry, Beth. I know it's late but I…"
"Ah, don't be silly. This is home for you, Hailey. I don't want to repeat it anymore."
The resolute look the blonde woman gave her made her heart beat a little faster.
When she approached her, Hailey forced her teeth to clench while lowering her eyes to the table. They stayed like that for a few minutes, the silence interrupted by the noise of the cutlery Jay was using and the spoon she was turning in the cup of hot chocolate.
"Can I see your lip?"
She jumped at the touch of Beth's hand on her shoulder. Only after slowly nodding did her cold hand caress her face.
She chewed her cheek, clenching her fists so hard that her nails were planted in the skin. She would not collapse, she was fine. She would have been fine, after the hot chocolate she would have been fine.
"You don't have to act like you're okay, you know?"
She looked up at Jay who was looking at her with a gentle smile.
"Where's your dad?", she muttered in a trembling voice.
Jay shrugged indifferently, "Not here. Out for work."
It was only then that Hailey allowed herself to relax. She knew she was home only with Jay and his mom and this was one of her favorite things in the world.
She stretched slightly on the chair, approaching Beth and giving her a silent permission to touch her.
The kind eyes that were studying her were the same color as Jay's but Hailey couldn't stand the sweetness of her gestures.
When she felt the first tear drop on the back of her hand, it was already too late. She was crying for her life, her childhood. She was crying for her mother's life. She was crying for all that Jay represented for her. She was crying wondering how she could think of living a whole life like this.
She sobbed tightly against the woman in front of her for what seemed like hours. When the sobs finally turned into rapid agitated breaths, Hailey felt so destroyed she wanted to close her eyes and forget the last few hours.
She got up wobbly on her legs only when Beth was gone upstairs and she was left alone with Jay, still sitting in front of her.
They didn't really need to talk - not that she had the strength, however - but she could bear the quiet silence they'd fallen into. She could almost read everything he wanted to say in his expression, but she appreciated his silence so much that, if she had the courage, she would have hugged him. But she probably would have started crying again and wasn't sure she had the strength.
Jay followed her silently to the front door, a hallucinated look shining in his eyes. And before she could turn the handle and open the door, he grabbed her wrist.
"You'll sleep in my bed. I'll stay in Will's. Don't go home tonight."
Hailey shook her head silently, her gaze darting from the still clenched hand on the handle to Jay standing in front of the door. He sensed her uncertainty and gave her another light squeeze on her wrist.
"Please, Hailey, please. Stay, please? Do it for me."
After a tiny, imperceptible moment of indecision, Hailey slipped her hand into his.
Jay dragged her upstairs to the bedrooms. The light squeeze he gave to her hand, still tight in his, told her everything she didn't need to hear.
You're not alone.
I'm here.
And she knew it.
...
She quickly slipped into the too long pajamas she had found neatly folded on Jay's bed before tying her hair into a messy tail.
"If you need anything else - and I mean anything - you know where to find me, honey."
Beth surprised her by leaning against the door jamb. In the soft light her green eyes shone almost unreally.
"Thanks Beth, I'll never pay you back."
"Do not say that. You are important to Jay, so you are important to me. When he leaves too, you'll be the only I've left, Hailey. So believe me, I want to have you here."
She gently caressed her cheek before smiling and disappearing at the end of the corridor.
Hailey stood still in the center of the room. Jay's orderly presence stood out in every corner. From books neatly stacked on the desk, to folded clothes on the chair. He could never have been more like his mother. In the ways of doing, in the way of being, simply in the way he existed.
"I never realized how small you are."
"Yeah, thank you", she chuckled, letting herself fall onto the bed and digging her hands in the blanket. A sort of relief slipped on her shoulders and, for the first time in the whole evening, she realized that she could sleep a long night without the fear of hearing her father's heavy footsteps going up the stairs.
"I have to study late tonight, if you need anything, you know where to find me awake."
"You almost seem to know that I'll need something."
She found herself huffing a half laugh, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders.
"No, you're stubborn. You wouldn't ask for more help, probably. But it's nice to offer it to you", a light amused smile slipped on his lips, "Goodnight, Hails."
And after a second, he was already gone by closing the door behind him.
Hailey reached out to turn off the light on the bedside table and, in the darkness in which she was immersed, the sound of rain against the window and the smell of Jay all around her, made her sink into a long peaceful sleep in a few minutes.
...
Hailey awoke with a start with her heart pounding in her chest. She looked around trying to focus on what surrounded her and when her eyes landed on the shelf with the swimming trophies she knew well, her mind returned to the events that had brought her there. She closed her eyes concentrating on her breathing and heard a series of light footsteps and a continuous muttering beyond the wall.
She slipped out of the room and stuck her head in the crack next door watching Jay mutter to himself walking in a circle. His hair was tangled and, in the twilight that was in the room, he looked bigger than he really was.
"You hate literature."
He smiled looking up at her. He didn't seem particularly surprised at her appearance, Hailey noted.
"And that's why I'm still studying at this hour."
He turned away from her, continuing to repeat, leafing through the book on Will's desk.
Hailey slowly made her way past him and ended up sinking into the still unused bed.
Will's school books occupied the entire library next to the bed but it was evident that this was an unused room. Will had been in college for two years and rarely returned home, Hailey had only seen him a few times and in passing, but the thing she remembered most of him was the hair of a strange bright red. Jay always enjoyed making fun of him by saying that he was the only one in the family to show off the characteristic signs of their Irish origins - as if his white skin and sprinkled with freckles was not a sufficient clue, actually.
She closed the eyes with her ears occupied by his voice. Quick and disconnected words that he repeated to exhaustion on topics that she had not yet studied, but at least - unlike him - she loved literature.
"I'm lucky having you."
Her was only a soft mutter with her eyes already closed, but loud enough for him to hear it. Jay fell silent, stopping his steps.
"Yeah, I'm one in a million", he chuckled after a few seconds, starting to repeat again.
And despite the laughing laugh, how true those words were.
For her, he was really one in a million.