Author's Note
Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!
I picture Maggie to look like Lola Flanery (with very loose red curls), since the actress is currently 15 - actually the right age without looking significantly older like most actresses/models do, and in some of her photo shoot pics, she is truly beautiful. Plus she can look both innocent and fierce.
The theme song for this chapter is Wings by Birdy.
PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(
Ch 5: Excited - Mae
Year 3 - 2008-2009
August
"Momma?" Mae said tentatively, hovering in the arched doorway opening into the family room. A more modern and boring house compared to the fairytale cottage she used to live in.
Every morning, one or both of her parents were waiting in the family room, ready to greet her for the day. Bella and Jasper tried to pretend they didn't spend their nights entwined, loving each other every second she was asleep. She knew, because the moment she woke, shifting in bed, they'd separate, race to dress, and move to the common space where she'd find them a minute later when she emerged from her room. Did they not realize that she heard them? Or was this just to project a semblance of normalcy? A way to make her feel more like other children, despite the fact everything else in her childhood was different.
Mae was painfully aware that they couldn't get enough of one another. She'd seen looks and caresses exchanged that made her burn with mortified embarrassment. Typically, they happened every couple hours, the two unable to help themselves. Then there were the times when Jazz's emotions would slip free of his control - he struggled to suppress the depth of his love for Bella.
She didn't begrudge them their happiness though. It was wonderful knowing they had one another like that. It just left her a little hollow and envious. The taunting glimpse of something so powerful, so consuming, so fulfilling, that was nowhere in reach for her. The preview of her potential future often resulted in her headlong rush to grow up faster so she could go ahead and find something similar.
"Renesmee, you're up early," Bella said, closing the book she'd only just picked up, and placing it on the end table, giving Mae her full attention. As always, Bella looked overjoyed to see her. It made this so much harder. Bella so clearly loved her. Mae hated that it wasn't enough. She needed more - something entirely for herself.
"Can I ask for something?" Mae requested quietly, moving to sit beside Bella. A wrinkle briefly creased Bella's brow, but it smoothed out before she could ask what it was about.
"Of course, anything," Bella said, taking Mae's hand and pressing it to her cheek. Somehow she sensed Mae was afraid to ask. Using her gift always made it easier when she was struggling for words.
But she wanted to talk to both parents at once, so she just showed Bella an image of Jazz, and aloud asked, "Papa? Will you come out here too?"
Jasper was there in an instant, moving easily to perch on the arm of the sofa beside Bella. The smile he gave Mae helped settle her nerves even without his gift. He'd always made her feel more confident. Maybe because he chose to love her. He'd not been obligated to, but he'd consciously decided to be her papa. It made her feel special. Worthy. To have such a battle hardened instrument of war so willingly vulnerable and open was a precious gift.
"What can we do for you?" he asked, golden gaze scanning her face. He really did resemble a lion with his wild blond waves messily surrounding his head and fierce golden eyes, a deeper topaz than usual. His were always just a touch more feral than the rest of the family's. He'd probably take Bella hunting tonight, to keep Jazz from struggling or suffering when they started school in a couple days.
Her papa hunted more frequently than the others, closer to once a week than twice a month. Bella had suggested it back when they were in Guatemala, to make it easier on Jazz when they were in public. Mostly so she didn't have to see him in pain as he abstained. He always managed to, but the struggle would often be written across his face if he went as long as Rosalie or Carlisle. It seemed to help. He and Bella had a particular fondness for hunting together. Afterwards was the only time Mae heard Bella giggle like a teenage girl, and Jasper smiled more freely after hunting too - truly relaxed and carefree.
Mae preferred to hunt with her uncle Em. He was the most entertaining. It made up for the bland, mhew, that was animal blood.
"I want to start by saying I know how much you love me. This has nothing to do with that, but -"
"What has nothing to do with that?" Bella asked suspiciously.
"I need more. Something for me. Right now every day is the same. Everyone carves out a chunk of time to entertain me, then they go back to their partners like they've checked off an item on a todo list," Mae explained, hating that she knew her words would hurt them. Knowing that's not what they intended didn't make it feel any less like that though.
"Mae, none of the family see it that way. They all love spending time with you. You're a bright spot in our lives - a miracle we cherish," Jazz said at once, confirming her thoughts.
"I know, but I need… need… my own pursuit," she insisted, not having any other words to explain the feeling plaguing her. Did she really have to wait another three years until she stopped aging before she was allowed to start living? Could she even make it that long without going insane or growing resentful?
Being locked up in the house day after day was making her stir crazy. Everyday was the same. There were never any surprises. She could predict the outcome of the day within moments of waking. The only diversity was betting against Em or Jazz on which sports team would win that day or when she played a new game someone developed. And even that was starting to blend together.
"You're lonely," Bella said, seeming to recognize something in her.
"Yes. I want to meet people. Get to know others outside the family," Mae explained. Weren't there studies on the importance of social interactions in child development? Mae was certain she'd seen some in Grandpa Carlisle's office. She'd already read most of his medical journals.
"I'm sure Rose and Emmett would be willing to endure high school for another year or two if you wanted to try that," Jasper offered, placing a hand on Bella's arm to quiet the protests he no doubt sensed were coming. Trepidation filled the air. Jasper's emotions - free to acknowledge, but not influencing their own. When it was just the three of them, he didn't try to mask or contain his emotions, letting them feel the inner workings of his mind, rather than hiding them and only using his gift to try and alter their natural feelings. "You're still aging quickly, but with a little makeup and the right clothes, Alice could certainly make you seem younger for a least a little while."
"If the others were there," Bella said, slightly pained at the idea of her daughter going to school without her, but clearly not interested in returning herself before she had to. Besides, Bella was well on her way to earning her first college degree.
"I'd rather not, if it's all the same. I've already read all the books that'll get taught, and between you two and Grandpa Carlisle, I've already learned more than most high schoolers do," Mae said delicately.
Jasper used to tell her stories of major events throughout history when she got sick of bedtime stories just after her first Christmas when they were traveling. He'd spend an hour or two spinning tales in his deep southern drawl, and conversing about the reasoning that inspired those events. It was something they'd continued to do long past the time she'd outgrown bedtime stories. Now the discussion was just a nightly ritual they shared.
"You have something else in mind already?" he asked, picking up on her increasing nerves.
"Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme are visiting Siobhan's coven next week. I'd really like to go with them. I want to meet others that I don't have to hide what I am from. I want to be me and make friends," Mae begged, grabbing one of each of her parent's hands as she made her impassioned plea, using her gift to show them what it would mean to her.
This was the other reason why she'd rather not go to high school. The point of this was to have something for her. She didn't want it to be a lie or based on secrets. Didn't want to have to act more immature and less intelligent than she was just to fit in and make friends. Her peculiar nature meant she'd probably have a difficult time fitting in with a high school crowd unless she put on an act. With vampires, she could be herself - a hybrid, yes, but at least part of them, and be true to her real personality.
Nahuel had said real vampires weren't like the ones she'd known within her family. Mae was more curious than ever to see the differences up close for herself. She'd spent just a short time with him and his aunt that she'd not noticed any major differences.
"That's actually not a bad idea," Jasper said, wearing his calculating look that meant he was weighing the risks and evaluating any potential dangers.
"They're going for two weeks?" Bella asked, the skin around her eyes tightening despite the stone texture. She struggled the most with Mae's rapid development. Adjusting slower than the others. Probably because she was more central than them. She'd been the one to give birth to Mae, sacrificing her human life to do so.
Mae felt guilty for robbing Bella of the chance to have a real, traditional opportunity to raise her daughter. She'd barely had a chance to be a mother before Mae was practically grown. And now her baby was already trying to leave the nest and spread her wings.
But at least Bella had survived, unlike Nahuel's mother. Mae wouldn't know how to cope if she'd been responsible, however inadvertently or unintentionally, to Bella's demise.
"I'd be able to see Ireland, and meet Maggie. She's fifteen, well she was when she was turned - close-ish to my age," Mae added excitedly.
That was the other major draw. Ever since she'd heard Grandma Esme mention Maggie, Mae had been dying to meet her. Finally someone near her age that she could potentially relate to. Someone she wasn't related to and wouldn't see her as a child, the eternal baby of the family.
"I'm sure they'd love to have you with them," Jazz finally said, after studying Bella for a full minute. The two locked in a staring match, silently communicating in a language known only to them. Always they were able to anticipate the other's needs and make decisions based on the other.
"I didn't think it would happen so soon," Bella eventually said softly, cupping Mae's cheek. The cold stone of her altered skin conformed around her, soaking up her heat, though it remained noticeably cooler.
"She'll always be our little girl," Jazz assured her, kissing Bella's temple and winking conspiratorially at Mae.
"I can really go?" Mae said, realizing they'd actually agreed. Before, she'd not allowed herself to dare hope. She jumped up, dancing excitedly around the room. "Thank you so much!"
August
Ireland was beautiful. Lush green and rocky with dense, mysterious fog every morning that looked straight out of a movie or somehow man made just for an eerie effect. Esme showed her around Dublin, walking along the river and crossing Ha'penny Bridge to see historic buildings and the Book of Kells, then shopping for souvenirs for the family. In the afternoon, they visited Malahide Castle a little outside the city. The library had been her favorite room. She could picture her momma having a field day there with all the ancient tombs; her papa devouring the history of the place right alongside her.
Siobhan's coven lived in Killarney primarily, so they toured the Ring of Kerry, Dingle Peninsula, and the Blarney Castle and Gardens with the other vampires. They saw fairy rings, castle ruins, Ogham stones, and beehive huts. One day they even ventured all the way north into Northern Ireland to walk the Giant's Causeway and hear the legends of how it formed, detouring to the Cliffs of Moher on the way home, and arriving just in time to watch the sunset over the water. Carlisle had driven while she slept in the car on the way north in the morning in order to fit it all in. Vampire driving helped make it possible too.
Knowing this trip was for a finite amount of time, and that her family wasn't in danger back home made the trip much more enjoyable than her previous adventures. Mae relaxed and enjoyed sightseeing with her grandparents, shopping with Esme, and learning the history from Carlisle. He always had little tidbits to add that weren't recorded in any history books, but that he'd experienced for himself on his previous visits.
When Mae finally met Maggie, it was to discover that she was nothing like what Mae expected. Her Auntie Alice was on a teen movie kick this last summer, and Mae had sort of expected Maggie to be like those teenage girls. Bubbly, frivolous, wrapped up in inconsequential drama, rebellious. She wasn't. At all.
Maggie was beautiful. Regal. With deep red curls that glistened like the heart of a ruby, and delicate, sprite-like features and a cinnamon dusting of freckles. She reminded Mae of a fairy princess. Yet somehow, despite being a vampire, she still possessed an air of innocence because of her youth and sincerity. She was every bit as beautiful as Rosalie, but in such a vastly different way that made it laughable to compare the two.
She'd been the daughter of a wealthy Englishman, though she'd been raised in Ireland. It was actually one of the reasons Liam and Siobhan had selected her to join their coven - to punish her father for his part in perpetuating the tension and struggles between England and Ireland. He'd not been a very good man. Losing his precious heir, a bargaining chip to forge a powerful political alliance, had been a devastating blow for him.
The young vampire's bearing actually reminded Mae of Edward. So formal and proper. Possibly, she was the most mature and serious fifteen-year-old in existence. Though Maggie displayed moments where she could be every bit as bold and brash as her other coven members. Particularly if she caught someone in a lie, or even a half-truth. Immediately, she'd call the person out, announcing to all that they'd been untruthful. Kind of like how Leah could be, though Maggie was even more accurate.
Despite that, Maggie was never cruel. She lacked the brutality and dangerous quality that the other members of her coven possessed. A nice vampire - like Mae's family, but one that drank human blood… how unusual...
She was also insightful, wise, and unflinchingly frank. Her gift demanded it. Truth was her gift. Maggie always knew when someone was lying. It caused her to experience a flash of immense pain whenever someone spoke a falsehood in her presence.
Mae might have been slightly disappointed that they didn't instantly bond, and probably wouldn't ever become bffs like the girls in the movies, but they did part as casual friends, with the promise of staying in touch. Spending more time together in the future was an appealing idea.
Fairly early on in the trip they discover a shared love of music. Esme was bragging about Mae's talents when Maggie tentatively revealed her own accomplishments. Maggie had a true passion for music, having mastered multiple instruments, though she was modest about her expertises, including those begun before her transformation. Once the revelation was made, they spent hours each day playing together.
It intrigued Mae when she learned her new friend didn't compose any music herself. Maggie swore that immortality limited a person's ability to be creative.
"No it doesn't. My dad composes for the piano all the time," Mae argued one afternoon.
"It probably lacks the depth and range of Bach or Chopin," Maggie said dismissively.
"If you heard it, you'd be forced to eat your words," Mae claimed, remembering one song that had left her in tears. He'd said it was about Bella when she'd still been human and how her death had been inevitable because of him.
"Impossible. Our kind are stone," she paused to rap a fist against her arm, "literally. We aren't capable of feeling enough to make the songs meaningful. How can a vampire express an emotion they are forbidden from feeling? We'll never feel the highs and lows a human is able to obtain. With countless days stretching out before a person, one isn't capable of reaching true satisfaction or able to feel alive after enduring the endless struggle to survive that humans experience. It just isn't in our nature."
"My family feels. We understand heartbreak, loss, love, hope - everything," Mae insisted, getting frustrated.
"You're very young, give ennui time to dig its claws into you," Maggie warned, though upon noting Mae's mutinous expression, allowed, "Siobhan has told me of your diet. Perhaps that alters you," then repeated, "but if everything is infinit, how can a person truly appreciate anything? How can their life have purpose?"
It was an interesting question. Mae too, was immortal. Was that her problem? Life was boring because there was nothing forcing her to go out and embrace living. Time, once her enemy, was actually keeping her from fully living now.
Ennui. Now she finally had a name for the feeling slowly consuming her. She'd not recognized it until Maggie pointed it out.
And were all vampires like Maggie? Was her family really that different? Was it actually because they only fed from animals, and didn't kill indiscriminately? Would Maggie view music differently if she tried a different diet? Would she ever want to try, the way Garrett had? So many questions.
"I guess you'll just have to hear him play for yourself one day," Mae murmured, still pondering what Maggie had said. She'd be curious to see if her opinion changed after hearing Edward play. That'd be easier than convincing Maggie to alter her lifestyle.
The other lingering interesting conversation the two girls had was about Mae's gift the day before they were set to leave.
"Can you lie with your gift? Or use it as an offensive weapon?" Mae inquired, tilting her head like a bird inspecting a seed and debating if it was worth leaving the safety of it's perch in a tree to eat it.
"What do you mean, lie with it? I show my thoughts and emotions - it's not a weapon," Mae reminded her. It wasn't like her thoughts could lie.
"Can you show someone something that's never happened, but do it is such a way that they'd think it had? Maybe try to scare someone," Mae elaborated, clearly intrigued by the idea.
"I've never tried. I usually only use it when I'm confused or scared, and I can't find the words to relay the feelings," Mae said, wondering what the point would be. Would it just be the same as showing a desire?
"Try," Maggie insisted, coming over to sit beside her on the loveseat. "Something innocuous for now. You can work up to turning it into a weapon."
"Try to lie to you? But -"
"I heard Carlisle talking to Siobhan. You're a hot commodity. It could come in useful someday," Maggie explained, letting Mae in on a secret.
"No one is coming after me - dad made sure," Mae said, swallowing thickly. The idea of going through that again with the Volturi made her uneasy.
"I know you've heard the party line about why Siobhan turned me. But that's not the full story. The real reason was because she wanted someone gifted— like how the Guard is - was - sort of is again? Anyways, she knew I would be. The Volturi intrigue her, so they are often mentioned here. They may have given up on you for now, but someday… centuries from now, possibly, that could change. It doesn't hurt to be prepared." Mae didn't want to consider the possibility. But anything could happen in centuries. "In the meantime, you could still use it for other things, and -"
"I wouldn't think you'd approve of something deceitful and manipulative," Mae interrupted, knowing how opposed Maggie was to lying, or anything immoral really - aside from drinking human blood. The attempt seemed to mortally wound her. Mae wondered if it was because of all the deceptions her father was involved in when he'd been alive, and how Maggie had been forced to live while under his roof.
"I don't. But how do you expect to ever understand yourself fully if you don't learn the extent of what you're capable of," Maggie said bluntly. "Good and bad, strengths and weaknesses. It's all a part of you."
It reminded her of Leah. Maggie was a lot like the female wolf. Always willing to speak uncomfortable or difficult truths, and laying everything out in the open so a person was forced to confront it - whether they wanted to or not.
"So how do I do this?"
"I said start easy. You don't know how to think of something you wish was true?" Maggie asked dryly.
"Of course I do," Mae said, rolling her eyes, and grumbling at the caustic words, adding, "but I hope this hurts you if it works." She didn't mean the words, inflicting pain on others went against her person, but Maggie provoked her with her slightly condescending attitude.
The first thought that came to mind was trying to be more convincing about enjoying Billy's chocolate cake. He'd made it from scratch for her during the first couple of visits she'd made to La Push after moving to Alaska, and Rachel had commented that it was a family recipe from her mom, Sarah. The fact that he made it for her showed how much Billy cared for her, because typically, he only made it for Rachel, Rebecca, and Jake's birthdays. He'd not made it again after her third visit since he could tell she didn't truly enjoy it, even if she did force herself to eat two slices each time just to show her appreciation of his efforts.
"All I got was that you wanted some cake or that you wished you liked it more," Maggie said, brow wrinkling. "Try again."
Mae showed her the cake again, this time showing herself smiling as she ate a bite.
"Better?"
"No," Maggie shot down.
"Guess reality will always show through," Mae said, shrugging.
"One more time. Try something different - show me what you most wish would happen right now, and make me believe that it just has," Maggie coaxed. She hesitated, then seeming to come to a conclusion, added, "Carlisle sounded worried. In over a century of knowing him, I've never seen him like that. Vampires should be able to use their gifts as a means of protection if possible. And I quite like you. I'd hate for something to happen when you could have helped yourself."
Maggie's words surprised her. Both her admission of fondness and about Carlisle's concern. Edward had assured her there was no reason to worry, he'd read Aro's mind and was certain. Was it really possible that someday that would change? Or could a new threat emerge? Eternity was a very long time. Mae supposed anything was possible. Particularly when the bored and powerful were involved.
Her family had never really deprived her of anything, so she rarely wanted for anything. The only thing that came to mind that she didn't already have, was Jacob.
Carefully, she thought of him, picturing every detail of his face, the breath of his shoulders, the way his silky, tousled hair would fall into his eyes, the low shorts forever slipping down his narrow waist. The easy grin and half-hooded eyes since he skipped sleeping a full night far too often.
Did he even still look the same? It'd been so long since she last saw him.
She placed her hand on Maggie's cheek and showed her Jacob entering the room and Mae's desire for Maggie to introduce herself to the newcomer.
"Interesting. Who was that?"
"An old friend."
Maggie sucked in a breath, but didn't comment. Because it was the truth, though it somehow bordered on a lie?
"It was too fuzzy around the edges to believe, but with a little practice… "
She'd never considered trying to be strong like her papa, but maybe she could be someday. To use her gift to fight, or actually fight. Then she really wouldn't need a wolf protector, and Jake could choose if he wanted to be part of her life someday instead of feeling obligated. Edward had suggested that she eventually learn to fight. Should she try? Would her family even be willing to train her? Somehow she doubted it.
September
"Hi, Dad," Mae greeted. Edward had finally returned from his sentence in Italy late the night before, after she'd already fallen asleep, and just a few days before her birthday. The family was celebrating it as though she were turning fifteen this September. Every human year was equivalent to two for her at this point. His presence was a gift in and of itself.
He came over first thing in the morning with a very worn out looking Leah, which amused Mae because he traded off who he was staring at, going back and forth between Mae and Leah. Engrossed. He was mesmerized by the two, though in very different ways.
"Renesmee," he breathed, stepping up and pulling her into a hug. She fought tears.
"I missed you, Dad," she sobbed, giving in to the pressure building behind her eyes, the warm wetness spilling out to slip stealthily down her cheeks in steady tracks.
"I've missed you too," he said roughly, holding her tightly. After her sobs quieted, he pulled back slightly, gently wiping the drying salt water from her face with his thumbs as his palms cupped her cheeks. "You look just like your mother."
"You already knew that," Mae teased, going for lighthearted.
"My memory played tricks on me. I thought I'd imagined it."
"Right," she said, breaking away now that her emotions were more under control. Edward stepped back, so he was beside Leah.
Mae watched as her father shifted awkwardly next to the female wolf. Had he always been such a prude? How on earth had he and Bella ever even gotten together?
You have a daughter. It's not like you're totally innocent. Hold her hand at least, Mae thought, directing the command internally to Edward, and adding a pointed look to prod him along.
"Renesmee," Edward scolded, scowling darkly in her direction.
Oh, scary, Mae thought, mock shuttering.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Leah muttered and yanked Edward's arm to turn him to face her. He was momentarily shocked that she was actually strong enough to manage it. The second he faced her though, she kissed him, holding on when he went to move away, trying to keep the kiss from deepening.
Leah and Mae had already had a long talk about this. Mae was all for her brash aunt falling in love with her dad now that she was used to the idea. They both deserved to be happy. She was excited they already had gotten started from the sound, and sight, of things. But Leah had warned her that while she had developed strong, deep feelings for Edward, it would only be a temporary relationship. A few years at most. It wouldn't be like the other couples Mae knew.
Leah wanted a family someday. Children of her own. She wanted to grow old, live a natural human life. One that did not include a seventeen-year-old partner or husband caring for her in her twilight years. Mae respected her decision, even appreciated that Leah took the time to explain like Mae could actually understand, despite never having faced a similar situation. Particularly by the time they'd finished talking.
The day they'd had that talk, Mae had learned a little more about how Bella came to be pregnant with her. By the time they'd finished talking, Mae understood that Edward would never put himself in a position again where he could potentially harm a human that way - not again.
Love, romantic love, had mystified Mae up until that point. It was such an abstract emotion. Television and movies made it seem like people fell in and out of love on a near daily basis. But it wasn't like that for her family. She saw them. Eternally devoted to a single person. The discrepancy and lack of other real life experience made for contradictions that frustrated Mae.
Leah said it was more complicated than all of that. Love was a sliding scale according to Leah. People fell in love for different reasons and felt it to varying degrees.
Mae thought she understood how two people could fall in love even when it wasn't an eternal type of love now. Sometimes love served different purposes. It could heal old wounds. It could help a person grow and learn about themselves. It could provide comfort and companionship. It could be a completion of oneself, a finding of a vital missing piece.
If Edward could find any measure of happiness with Leah, in any of those ways, then Mae was completely supportive of their choice to be together. Even if it turned out to be nothing more than a blink in her life.
The final thought had Edward ending the kiss with a relieved, though heavy, sigh. He rested his forehead against Leah's even as he shook his head at her incorrigible behavior. He needed to lighten up more. Hopefully Leah would help with that.
"You had a good time in Ireland? We haven't had a chance to talk about it," Edward asked, turning to look at her again. She'd only been home four days, and Edward had been busy wrapping things up so he could be home in time for her birthday.
"It was a welcome diversion. I'm excited about the other trips with the family too," Mae said, already thinking about the next one. Emmett was plotting something epic, she could tell. And it wasn't like she had anything to look forward to around here while she waited other than getting to know her father better.
Jasper had begged off teaching her to fight until she'd fully frozen into her immortality, citing his death at Bella's hands if he attempted to teach her sooner. But that was all right. She didn't mind waiting a couple years before learning to defend herself and take someone on.
"Yes. It'll be nice to show you a bit of the world. Give you something to look forward to," he said, making it clear he was reading her mind, and concerned over what he'd detected. Nosy. At least Jazz pretended to give her space and waited for her to come to him.
To be fair, Jazz had more practice at being her papa.
"Is Aunt Leah coming with us over spring break?" Mae asked innocently, turning the tables on her father. His lips twitched, amused at her actions.
They were planning to visit Nahuel and the Amazons in South America during her parent's spring break this year.
"Would you like to?" he asked Leah. She was attending the same college as Jazz, Bella, and Seth, so they all had the same spring break, and she'd be free to join them.
"It's a family matter. I wouldn't want to intrude," she said, shooting daggers at Mae for making the impromptu suggestion.
"You're my aunt through marriage, so it does involve you. Besides, you two have wasted enough time apart. Wouldn't you agree?" Mae asked, trying to persuade Leah because she honestly did want them to be happy - especially if there was a timer running and an expiration date. It didn't hurt that focusing on them also redirected Edward's attention away from her.
"I'd like it if you'd come," Edward admitted frankly.
"All right," Leah whispered, seeming undone by the simple words.
"Perfect!" Mae cheered. "What would you like to do today?"
"Just be with the family. If that's all right. I've missed everyone," her dad said sheepishly.
"Can we play baseball? Maybe get Tanya, Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, and Carmen to play too. We could have teams of eight each if everyone plays," Mae suggested, bouncing on her toes. They'd not done anything as an entire family since moving here. She'd thought that was the point of them coming to Alaska, but so far no one had seemed up to it. Too consumed with mourning Irina.
"It has been a while since we played. Not since Bella was human," Edward agreed, nodding. She'd heard the family used to play all the time. That's where the idea for baseball in particular had come from. But Bella had played with them while human? Impossible.
"I thought Em said Momma was clumsy. How'd she play with you guys as a human? Wasn't she too slow?"
"Long story," Edward deflected. That was going to have to stop. Immediately. Mae wasn't as easily deterred as he was probably used to from other people. Both of her parents were stubborn, and the streak was magnified in her. He continued to ignore her, glancing at Leah to ask, "You up for it?"
"Only if we're on opposite teams," she replied, grinning wolfishly.
Still waiting, Mae thought, prodding Edward.
"Why don't you text everyone, and I'll tell you about your mom while we wait for everyone to arrive," Edward said, giving in gracelessly as he sighed heavily.
"Really?" Mae asked eagerly, throwing her arms around her father to hug him.
"Yes, Renesmee. I'll tell you the whole gruesome tale," he said sadly, meeting Leah's eye. Leah nodded then went about sending the texts on Mae's behalf, knowing no one would refuse if they thought the invitation was from the youngest of them. She was too irresistible for any of them to deny.
"Gruesome? What happened? Did a ball accidentally hit her?" Mae demanded.
No one ever liked to talk about when Bella had been with Edward. Out of respect for Jazz or because it wasn't their story, she didn't know. And Bella always just claimed she couldn't remember well enough.
The story, once Edward finally got the whole of it out, fascinated Mae. Every detail of it from James tracking Bella, to her fleeing Forks with Jasper and Alice of all people, to the fight in the ballet studio. She'd have expected Emmett or Jacob to go with her momma if she needed protection back before her papa was with Bella. One detail stood out among all the rest though.
"Papa fell for Momma's trick?"
"He didn't know her as well then," Edward said wryly. Then he winced and whispered, "My fault in keeping them apart."
It reminded Mae of her conversation with Leah on love in all its various forms. It really was a complicated emotion. Complex. Intricate. Mae couldn't wait to fall in love herself.
The game was perfect, despite her team losing. It was the most fun she'd had since moving to Alaska. They spent hours playing, inning after inning, and only calling it when Leah started yawning. Guess she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before thanks to her reunion with Edward.
It had been amusing to witness his discomfort each and every time she publicly kissed him. Jazz and Em had taken turns razzing him, neither censoring themselves even with her there. It was perhaps the first time she'd felt like one of them instead of just part of the family.
It was an important distinction.
Later that night, the Cullens and Leah were gathered in the living room of Carlisle and Esme's house shortly before bed when Mae saw that she'd gotten a text from Nahuel. She was very pleased to hear from him. They'd continued -
"You've been messaging Nahuel?" Edward demanded, interrupting her as she typed out her response to his inquiry about how reuniting with Edward had gone, clearly worried about her. Her dad must have heard his name in her head. "Yes. Frequently," he said in answer to a silent question she knew Leah had asked when he looked at the woman seated beside him.
Leah looked unexpectedly troubled by the news. What was that about?
"You've been texting Nahuel?" Jazz repeated slowly, pinning Mae with a chilling look that shocked her. Was he upset with her? She'd not done anything wrong by talking to her friend, had she?
"She has - wait, you have?" Bella asked, head whipping towards her and confusion wrinkling her forehead, so little ridges formed in the smooth stone surface.
"Yes," Mae said hesitantly, not understanding why everyone was overreacting. Alice had told them she'd given Nahuel her number and explained how to use it. She was there when her aunt relayed the information.
Jasper tensed, shifting his eyes to Edward, then back to Mae. "When?" Jasper asked quietly. There was a chilling seriousness about him that was nearly intimidating. Only her familiarity with him kept her from shivering involuntarily.
"All the time apparently," Edward said, frowning in concentration. Was he trying to rifle through her thoughts? All he had to do was ask, and she'd tell him about their conversations. His eyes shot up, looking at her expectantly, as if demanding that she do just that.
Frustrated, she launched her phone at him. If he was going to be like that, he could just read the texts himself. So much for missing him. He already had a direct line to her thoughts, and now he wanted to invade her privacy even more - less than a day after returning?
Edward just nodded, and said, "It's a father's duty. Charlie was just as bad with Bella."
Considering the frequency with which she mentioned Nahuel, why were they surprised that she was talking to him on a fairly regular basis?
Bella snorted at his words, then more troubled, said, "I thought you were texting Jacob."
"He's busy with school. I don't want to bother him," Mae said vaguely. She'd tried making idle chit chat that way, but it usually took days for him to reply, and more often than not it was only with an emoji that she couldn't seem to interpret. Or maybe she was just trying to read too much into them and assign them meaning they didn't possess.
Edward's head shot up, briefly abandoning his quest to scroll through the entirety of her ongoing conversation with Nahuel. He looked ready to comment, but pursed his lips together instead, returning to the lit screen of her phone.
"Like it would," Leah muttered, almost defensively on Jacob's behalf. She may be part of his pack, but Mae doubted she understood the distance that had cropped up between Mae and the wolf that had once imprinted on her.
"She's right," Bella insisted, like she knew her friend. Except they'd grown apart so much these last few years.
"It's not like you talk to him either," Mae accused, recalling the strange, almost irony in Jake's voice when he mentioned it a few months ago.
"We talk every… " Bella trailed off, face scrunching up as she calculated the frequency of their conversations since Jacob moved away. Mae bet the total didn't even reach double digits.
"Only every few months," Jazz supplied, slipping an arm around his mate's waist.
Her papa seemed much more relaxed as he took in the way Edward had calmed as well. What had they expected? It wasn't like she and Nahuel talked about world domination. It was just life as a hybrid, and the strange dynamics of their respective families. A little about weather every now and then. All very exciting, surely.
"So you're talking to Nahuel instead?" Bella clarified, still looking perplexed. Jazz tugged her closer, kissing her cheek and nuzzling her ear until she relaxed. A dreamy acceptance filled the room.
"Yes," Mae confirmed, accepting the phone Edward walked over to her.
"Maybe we shouldn't wait until next spring to visit him," Edward suggested, picking up on something Jazz thought privately to him.
"Fall break is just around the corner," Jazz said with false casualness.
Mae had no intention of arguing. She'd much rather see Nahuel sooner than later. Maybe her family would all calm down once they met him for themselves.
September
The brown package was waiting just outside her bedroom door when she woke. Bella must have left it for her to find that morning. The return label read Jacob Black, and that was enough to have her scooping it up and darting back into her room. Eagerly, she sliced the tape open with a fingernail and pulled her birthday present out. It had been carefully engulfed in about twenty sheets of bubble wrap. The items contained, only a fraction the size of the box housing it.
When the last piece came off, she saw that it was a camera. An old one. Like from the fifties. The word Ikoflex was printed across the top in bold white letters. There were two glass lenses on the front of the black rectangular box, and a knob on the side that was turned in order to take a picture. The top opened, and you had to look down into it to see what you were taking a picture of.
It was incredible. She'd have never thought to get a camera for herself. Not with her gift, but there were times it would be nice to actually look at a memory instead of just letting it play out inside her head. Or be able to share it without having to touch someone.
"Where did you find it?" she asked the second Jacob answered the phone.
"You got it then - good. I was worried it would break," he said happily.
"Yeah. That was a lot of bubble wrap. I think I could have run over it in a car and it would have been fine," she chuckled. "But where did you find it?" she asked, repeating her question.
"Vintage shop. I restored it myself. It reminded me of your gift," he said, unconsciously echoing her earlier thoughts. "They say a picture can say a thousand words. Your gift always managed to, so I thought you could try to do the same with a photograph. I figured you'd prefer a camera with character more than a shiny new one. Something new to try."
How had he known she was bored?
Perhaps she could take photographs of things she would otherwise use her gift to show. Capture moments in film that expressed her thoughts. A new hobby. A diversion to engross herself in. An outlet for her emotions - the way music was for Edward.
"Jacob… It's perfect," Mae said honestly, the words catching in her throat. How was it that even when he wasn't around, he understood her?
"You'll send me one?" he requested, surprising her.
"Only if you promise to decode it," she challenged, wondering if this might be a way for them to truly become friends again. Probably not considering the physical distance that still remained, but it'd still be a nice way to connect. She could share the trips the family was taking her on with him. There wasn't much else happening in her life to send him.
"You're on," he agreed readily.
October
A week wasn't long enough to travel to South America. Not when they were coming from Alaska. Nearly four of their seven days were wasted at the airport. Layovers sucked. Never again would she make that mistake.
Meeting the Amazons had been thrilling, though. Definitely worth the detour and the day trip to where Alice predicted they'd be the morning they'd arrived. She'd not been able to see them any sooner than that given their unpredictable natures.
They weren't like anyone Mae had ever met before. Wild. Free. Other. Zafrina, in particular, was incredible. They spent hours trading pictures. Mae told her about Maggie's suggestion, and she helped her learn how to make the little details clearer so the false images were more believable.
It was something that she would need significantly more practice with, but it might be a fun diversion and something she could improve on over the coming years.
The next day, they took a short flight into Santiago where Nahuel had agreed to meet them before they ventured into the mountains to camp overnight.
Preventing her eyes from rolling would have been an impossible task as she watched first Edward, then Jasper relax within a couple minutes of meeting Nahuel. Seriously, what had they expected? He was a nice guy, not some evil masterminding villain.
Had they thought he was trying to seduce her? Never once had he even implied he might someday be interested in her like that. Which was honestly a shame, because he was super attractive and just like her, so she couldn't help but hope someday that would change for him. Certainly he wasn't interested in her right now. Always, he was a perfect gentleman.
If anyone could suss out untoward advances, it would be her fathers though. They had it covered - mentally and emotionally. Almost as one, the overprotective men in her life came to the same conclusion, agreeing that he was harmless. Perhaps not harmless, but definitely not a creep. Nahuel had never been inappropriate with her - just provided an outlet and source of strength to lean on when needed.
Later when they had a little more privacy, with only Bella and Leah close by since her dads were out hunting together, he commented, "You have an unusual family."
"Tell me about it," Mae agreed, chuckling freely.
"They love you deeply," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Picked up on that?" she commented dryly, almost sarcastically, before she noted his serious expression. Nahuel was frowning as he watched Bella.
"They wish to protect you and keep you safe," he said knowingly. "I could not find fault in that."
Nahuel looked like he wanted to say more. His lips parted, and a crease formed on his forehead between his eyes. In the end, he left it at that. Could it have been a desire for the same? He'd said as much often enough. Or was he once again going to give her a hard time for being so cosetted. Either direction was as likely as the other.
"Can I take your picture?" Mae asked suddenly. She really wanted to capture this moment of indecisiveness on his part. It fit so well with how she pictured him in her mind anytime Huilen was discussed.
The initial moment she wished to capture vanished, replaced with a sincere curiosity as he detected her surge of enthusiasm. She wouldn't mind having a record of this either. There were so many facets to him. She could spend years uncovering them and not get bored.
"New hobby?" he asked.
"Sort of. I got the camera last month," she admitted, not wanting him to ask to see anything yet, and bear witness to the fact she was still a novice with no clue what she was doing. Jacob was the only one outside of her family she felt comfortable exposing herself like that too. What if she sucked? It would gut her to find out she didn't possess a lick of talent before she'd found her way in the new pursuit. "Still figuring it out."
"You enjoy it," he said, almost tasting the air as he spoke and watched her, much like Jazz did when sussing out someone's mood.
"That obvious?" she asked, surprised. She'd thought she'd hid the fact fairly well.
"You have a very open and expressive face. You may take as many pictures of me as you desire," he agreed.
Mae watched him through her lens for several moments. He was smiling directly at the camera as if waiting for a school picture to be taken. It was stiff and forced. "Act natural," she commanded.
Another few moments passed before he glanced away, relaxing fractionally. Still, Mae hesitated, wanting to capture the perfect feeling depicted on his face. Then she saw it. Nahuel's gaze had inevitably landed on Bella, as it so often did. Mae saw every bit of his longing and wonder. All of his grief and regret. She snapped the picture, freezing the warring emotions into what would become an eternal prison of a four-by-six inch square of paper and color.
"Were you successful?" he asked, turning back to her when the sounds of the camera stopped. She gave him a questioning look at the words. "You were attempting to capture more than just my image. Did you?"
"I guess we'll see when I get home. My Grandma is going to teach me how to develop the film," she announced, amazed he'd understood what she'd been attempting.
Working with real film instead of a data card and a screen that offered a preview of the final product was so much more challenging. But it was one she thrilled over. She had to be more careful and patient in order to capture the elusive moments in one of her limited attempts.
"What do you see when you look at her?" he asked, nodding back at Bella.
That was easy. "Love," she said simply.
Bella never pushed or pried, instead she was just always there, supportive and loving. Mae knew there were no lengths her momma wouldn't go to in order to protect her or provide her with her heart's desire.
"What do you see?" she wondered, remembering the array of diverse feelings she'd noted earlier.
"What might have been," Nahuel said thickly. The soft words were starkly barren yet full of wondrous, unexpected beauty, like a petrified forest.
For the first time, Mae realized Nahuel was truly broken. Not just damaged. The manner he'd come into the world, and the resulting aftermath, had left permanent scars on his psyche. Loss and a lack of love to fill the void when he'd been an impressionable child had inflicted undeniable damage. A desire to offer him more, to help him sprang to life inside her, like a natural spring trickling through the woods. It was small for now, but the potential was there for it to become a roaring, cascading waterfall.
Over one hundred and fifty. He'd been damaged for such a long time. And she could fix him. Someday, when she was ready, Mae could show him the love that had been missing from his life thus far. He'd certainly welcome it, though he'd never revealed a hint of that potential acceptance. Not now, but one day. One day she'd try to help him.
He seemed to pick up on the shift within her, and he nodded to woods, enticing her to slip away with him. She hesitated, knowing she wasn't supposed to go anywhere, especially not without letting Bella and Leah know, but the two women were deep in conversation, whispering heatedly to one another. Leah's expressive hand gestures indicated they were arguing. And the temptation Nahuel presented was irresistible.
Nodding slowly, she followed after the dark-skinned man.
They ran for miles. Bella didn't follow, letting her have an adventure, or missing her departure as she was consumed with whatever was happening with Leah.
Her newest aunt had been tense ever since they met the Amazons. Being around true blood drinkers did not sit well with her. And it had only gotten worse after meeting Nahuel. Perhaps inviting her to come along had been a mistake. Edward had been troubled all morning - and not about Nahuel. It was why Jazz had taken his brother hunting.
Abruptly, Nahuel came to a stop in the middle of the woods. There was nothing distinctly different about this area than any of the others they'd traveled through, so she didn't understand why this could be their destination. Why had he brought her here?
Nahuel grinned at her, then demanded, "Scream."
"What? Why would I do that?" she asked, confused, even as he laughed lightly. It was so random and strange.
"It feels good - no one is around. Try it," he coaxed, grinning widely.
"You're crazy," Mae said, though a giggle escaped as she watched him throw his arms wide, and tilt his head back to peek through the canopy towards the blue sky just barely visible.
He screamed, a loud roar filled to overflowing with emotion. On and on the bellow continued, rending through the peace blanketing the forest. Finally, he broke off to watch her expectantly.
What the hell, why not? She screamed, a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, sizzling and electrifying her. She felt… there weren't words. It wasn't just a rush, but a release. Her cry ended on a self-conscious laugh.
"What was that? Why -" she laughed more freely, unable to articulate her thoughts as she shook her head at him.
Nahuel's grin widened, and Mae spun in a giddy circle. Each of them tried it again. Even louder and this time together. Absently, she hoped they were far enough away that the sounds wouldn't carry to her family and alarm them. Maybe that was why he'd chosen this particular spot to do this.
"I can't believe I just did that," Mae gasped, breathless and light. Her body felt as if it were made of bubbles.
"How do you feel now?" he asked, happier than she'd ever seen him before.
Carefully, she thought it over. Screaming in the middle of nowhere, for no obvious reason, was crazy. But she didn't feel insane. Finally, she admitted, "Liberated. Alive." It felt like waking up, and she'd been asleep for a very long while now.
Was it enough?
"You're going to have an extraordinary life, Renesmee. I am grateful to be a part of it." The words were unexpected, and she didn't know precisely what he meant by them, but he'd already turned to head back before the last word was out.
By the time they left the next night, Bella truly liked Nahuel. Jasper was neutral, unsurprisingly. It was the best she could hope for from a father that knew his teenage daughter may be interested in the guy as a man. Leah despised him for drinking human blood. She couldn't get past it, and wasn't willing to try. It seemed like there was more to it though, because she hadn't hated the Amazons as powerfully, but Mae didn't really understand what her aunt was thinking. Edward thought he was all wrong for Mae to have a crush on, as he put it at the airport, and made that pretty clear repeatedly on the journey home.
It sucked that her parents' gifts made it possible to know her feelings without her revealing them. It wasn't as though she'd planned to develop a crush on Nahuel. It'd just happened. He was attractive, and he didn't treat her like a freak or a baby. He was one of the few guys she'd ever met that was eligible. And the idea of taking on the challenge, and being the one to heal him was so tempting.
Edward had nothing against Nahuel personally, but as he heard her thoughts, he said, "It's not your responsibility to help him. It would be a mistake to ever consider involving yourself with him romantically."
Mistakes can result in good things, she thought in response as they traveled home.
"Not all produce you," Edward said quietly, kissing the top of her head.
January
Just after Christmas, Rosalie and Emmett took Mae to Egypt. Her uncle had been excited for months about getting to meet Benjamin. Apparently his gift was a big deal, and Carlisle had sworn that he was a remarkable young man that they'd get on well with.
He was part of a coven with three others, but the leader, Amun, and his mate, Kebi, made it clear from the moment they arrived that they wanted nothing to do with Mae. The snub hurt, but Esme had warned her to expect it, and Rose had made a number of biting comments in her defense that soothed the aching sting of their hosts' slight.
Benjamin more than made up for his creator's cruelness. However, the most noteworthy thing about him didn't turn out to be his gift, his ability to physically manipulate the elements. It was the obvious love and devotion he showered upon his mate, Tia. Mae was in awe watching them interact.
"How long have you two been together?" Mae finally asked a few days after meeting the pair.
"Over two hundred years now," Tia said, laughing lightly. Twice as long as Carlisle and Esme had been together. "We were human children together, playing in the market streets, stealing, and performing for spare coins."
"I went back for her after Amun turned me. I couldn't imagine living eternally without her," Benjamin added, running the tip of his nose playfully against Tia's.
"I want that," Mae declared, the desire taking root in the pit of her soul, even deeper and more tangible than her desire to heal Nahuel had been.
Rosalie hugged her, stroking Mae's hair and tucking the top of her head beneath Rose's chin. She was only barely short enough to fit there at this point.
"I promise that one day you will," her aunt vowed with so much certainty that Mae almost believed her. Almost.
"What if I have to wait over a hundred years the way dad has?" Mae asked fearfully. She did not do well with loneliness. The isolation and boredom festered within her, corrupting how she viewed everything around her, and tainted all of her other interactions.
"Somehow, I don't think you'll have that problem," Em announced dryly, making Rose hiss at him.
"But if you do," Rose inserted, otherwise ignoring Emmett, "we'll be here for you in the meantime."
"We were some of the lucky ones - we were still children when we fell in love. There was never anyone else, never any searching," Tia said, smiling at Benjamin with the knowledge of a thousand secrets binding them with a nearly tangible connection.
"I grew too fast to ever really be a child or meet anyone to fall in love with," Mae lamented, hating that she was bringing down such a wonderfully happy moment for the two, but the words slipped out before she could stop them.
"Hmm," Ben hummed, glancing at Emmett, but her uncle shook his head.
What had Carlisle and Esme told them during their previous visit?
Despite her longing, Mae truly enjoyed the trip. They took a curse boat trip on the Nile River and visited the Valley of the Kings. Once they'd returned to Cairo, they flew to a small town where they rented camels that they rode one night to visit Siwa Oasis.
Her camel kept trying to spit on Emmett. He'd flat out refused to ride one himself, insisting it was too slow and that his weight would break the animal's back. In the end, she'd had to beg him not to drink the hairy beast when he attempted to after getting thoroughly annoyed when a glob of saliva caught his pants towards the end of the night.
The next night, they toured the pyramids and the Great Sphinx. The sphinx, in particular, was incredible. The idea of riddles and the mythology of the unique creature piqued her curiosity. Had they really existed once upon a time - like the Quileute wolves?
Ben and Emmett entertained the women by deciding to race up the side of one of the pyramids. It was great when Ben used his gift to make the sand hold Em in place, locking around his ankles like crumbling yet impenetrable stone cuffs, so he couldn't move until Ben leisurely strolled up to the top and won, waving merrily down at his captive opponent.
Rosalie had just rolled her eyes at their antics, going so far as to huff and smack Em upside the head when he demanded a rematch. Obviously he wasn't thinking since Ben would just do the same thing and Emmett would surely lose again.
The trip was good for Mae in an unexpected way as well. By the end of the trip, she'd made two revelations about herself. First, that the missing piece in her life was someone to love that loved her back - the way everyone in her family was partnered up. Second, that while she enjoyed her new vampire friends, that was not what she wanted to partner herself with for eternity. A vampire mate was not for her - not forever. And Mae wanted forever. Not something fleeting like Edward and Leah were settling for. She wanted someone to look at her in two hundred years the way Ben looked at Tia. The way she was certain he'd still look at her in another two thousand years.
Mae had met over two dozen vampires, including all the members of her extended family. Many of them she truly liked, and could certainly be friends with, but the more she thought about it, the less likely she could see herself settling down with one. There was something cold, uniquely focused and singular, arrested and hard about them that she didn't think she could get past.
Maybe it was the lack of a heartbeat. Or the stone bodies. Whatever it was, Mae wanted more. She wanted to feel alive with her chosen partner, and she felt certain a vampire could never inspire those feelings.
May
The final trip of the year was to New Zealand with Alice and Seth. It was the only trip where she wasn't going to meet any of the Cullens' friends from over the years. For some reason, no one Carlisle had met had decided to settle in the islands so far south. They waited until Seth finished his freshman year of college to go so they could stay longer. She didn't want to spend the entire trip stuck on a plane like she had fall break.
Auckland was bypassed nearly entirely in favor of the smaller towns and natural wonders scattered throughout the remarkable country's two main islands.
Alice planned the whole thing. Unsurprisingly. It was a whirlwind of activities with nearly every minute accounted for, and sometimes as many as three big activities a day.
Her aunt was always with Seth this last year. She'd rented an office in town to work from, and there was a second desk for Seth to study at while she designed and made clothes. It was more time efficient for them since the campus was in town anyways. During spring break, the pair had traveled to New York together so Alice could meet with a few potential execs interested in distributing her line in their stores.
Mae didn't begrudge them their time together. Seth had wanted nothing more than Alice for as long as she could remember - her entire life. Why wouldn't they want to indulge a bit now that they could finally express their love for one another?
They went caving with glow worms lighting the ceiling like stars, zip lining through brilliant green forests, kayaking with penguins, bungee jumping, ice climbing on a glacier, hiking through majestic snow capped mountains. You name it, they did it. There wasn't an activity that couldn't be found in New Zealand, and nowhere on earth could you find a more pristine and beautiful country with nicer people.
Not that she'd had the chance to travel all that much, but she was utterly impressed and thoroughly charmed.
It was one night while Alice was out hunting, that Mae asked Seth about having a vampire for a partner.
"What's it like - being with a vampire?" Mae asked, infusing the words with innuendo so he'd not mistake her meaning.
"Oh, wow. You're already thinking about that sort of thing," Seth said, looking around as if searching for someone else to help him navigate this conversation. "So, uh… wow."
"Hmph." She swallowed her impatience and waited. She'd specifically asked him and not Leah for two reasons. One, she didn't want to think about her dad like that. And two, because she knew Seth wouldn't tell her she was too young and should wait. Leah seemed to think she shouldn't be interested in guys yet, that the timing was all wrong, and she should wait a few more years. Must be Edward's influence.
"I really didn't think I'd be the one having this conversation with you," Seth finally muttered, running a hand through his shaggy hair. He'd let it get long enough to brush the tops of his shoulders. It looked great that length, even if he was funny looking in wolf form as a result. "Sex, or like vampire sex?"
"The latter - and who did you think would?" she asked curiously. There was no shortage of potentials within her family.
His lips pursed and his forehead wrinkled as he thought about it a moment before replying. "Bella - strike that. Not her. And definitely not Edward, the prude. Rosalie or Alice probably," he finally settled on, nodding in support of his conclusion.
"I want to know from a more human perspective," Mae admitted. "It's different for vampires. I'm more like you than them."
"I can't believe we're already here," Seth breathed, looking her over with dark, incredulous eyes. A level of disbelief and uncertainty lurked in their depths, an unwelcome guest intruding on a private matter.
"Weren't you thinking about girls when you were sixteen?" Mae demanded, determined to help him see this as normal.
"Alice," he said immediately, confirming what she already knew to be the truth. It had always been her for him. There'd never been room for any other in his heart. Mae hoped he knew how lucky he was. "I only thought of her. But yeah, I was thinking about that sort of thing," he said, sighing heavily and falling silent.
"You didn't answer my first question," Mae reminded him, impatient for an answer.
"He's going to kill me," Seth mumbled, letting his head fall back as he stared up at the sky. It was twilight, and the lingering light from the sun cast everything in shades of pink, purple, and bright blue. Mae could just barely detect a couple twinkling stars winking in the distance, eager to come out and play.
The comment struck her as odd. Initially, she assumed he was referring to Jazz, or possibly Edward, but then she wondered if maybe he meant Jacob. Honestly, he could have been referring to any of them, or even all of them.
"Well?" she prompted, refusing to drop it. "How is it different with a vampire?"
"I've never actually had a relationship with a human, so I have nothing to compare it to, but from being in the others' heads, I know it's different," he said carefully, slowly, like he was deliberately picking each word before he uttered it.
"Out with it, Seth. How is it different?"
"It's the sort of stuff you already know - no sleeping, though Alice usually stays with me," Seth said, going for the easy relationship bits first instead of discussing sex.
"You two cuddle?" Mae stated, biting her lip to keep from laughing at the idea of the wolf using a stone as a body pillow.
"Shut it if you want to hear more," he warned, mock glaring at her.
"Shutting," Mae promised, worried he might actually refuse to share more.
"Different diet… I guess that wouldn't be a concern for you though. Most of the mechanics are the same - more intense, faster, a little rougher, but again, you have enhanced senses too so not really an issue. There are some physical limitations because of the venom, but we just work around that," he said, blushing furiously, and she figured out he was referring to Alice's mouth doing things to him. "That you would have to be careful with since we don't know what venom would do to you, but I doubt it would be a deal breaker if you truly loved the person. The scent was honestly the hardest to get past, but over time it stopped bothering me. Now it sort of makes me hungry for dessert," he said, shrugging like it was perfectly normal.
"Or hungry for Alice," Mae said, the comment slipping out before she could bite it back.
"Basically," he said wryly, tilting his head in agreement.
"What about the cold? The hardness? The possessiveness? The not sleeping? The unrelenting stubbornness and unchanging perspectives? The lack of a heartbeat?" she asked quickly, determined to get answers while he was being so cooperative.
"With the right person, none of that matters," Seth said lightly, chucking her under the chin.
But those things did matter to her. She didn't want a rock to hold her for hours on end doing nothing but waiting for her to wake. It seemed like a halflife.
Vampires are too set in their ways. Too territorial. And she'd miss the little reminders of being alive, even if Seth didn't. Having a vampire for a mate would never make her happy. That just wasn't the life she wanted.
Their conversation only confirmed what she'd already thought about her future during her trip to Egypt.
A memory of Nahuel rose in her mind. Could he love her someday? Already he needed her, even if he didn't know it yet himself. She wanted to help him find happiness. He was like her, and he was very physically attractive. Was it the forever sort of feelings that were developing within her when she thought of him? She didn't know.