Hi guys! I'm back!
It was not easy to write this story but I literally loved it.
A wounded Jay always gives me so many emotions, because Hailey always manages to give the best of herself.
I still have a list of prompts recommended by you, but if you have other ideas or requests, don't hesitate to write them to me !
i hope you enjoy the story.
Stay safe, H.
59. We both know that I should walk away, but I can't. - from yournameisyours, , EmilyLuchia.
88. You keep that picture of us in your wallet? - from Claire-Wayne, Nonna99, laiscbranco27.
Of all the things that morning promised, of all the things that could happen, no one would ever have imagined seeing Hailey losing control of herself and almost annihilating herself in front of them.
...
"5021 Henry. Explosion in Crystal St, corner with Humboldt Park. Officers down, I request backup, ambo and firefighters."
Hailey spoke slowly, her own words reaching her muffled ears. She struggled to her feet, a groan of pain slipping from her lips as she pushed with her right arm.
"Jay? You okay?"
She looked around for of his partner, but all she could see was smoke and dust. She scratched her soot-stained eyes nervously as staggered in the smoke before tripping and crawling. The pain in her shoulder was suddenly so strong it made her gag and, looking at the source of the pain, she immediately realized that she had a dislocated shoulder. The odd position in which her bone was bent didn't give her a good feeling.
But, as sudden as it had come, the pain was gone and all she could focus on was looking for Jay.
He had been next to her, he had been until the second before the blast. Why wasn't he beside her now?
The blast.
Like a bolt of lightning, the realization of what had happened a few moments before and the indistinct memory of having requested help slammed against her with such violence that she staggered.
The blast. Where was Jay?
He had to be there, he couldn't be far away. He was right next to her as they crossed the threshold of the suspect's house. If she concentrated enough she could still smell his aftershave floating in the air around them.
She closed and reopened her eyes trying to focus on her surroundings, but the smoke and her blurred vision made it so difficult.
She leaned against the car she had collided with a moment before and turned her head towards what was their suspect's house. A ball of smoke, dust, and small fires were all that remained.
And there was still no trace of Jay.
If she had paid enough attention to her surroundings, if the pain in her head had been less intense and if the rumbling in her ears hadn't left her so confused that she didn't understand what was around her, she would have noticed the sirens approaching her position.
The only thing she could focus on was looking for Jay. Part of her mind was aware of the fact that she kept screaming his name.
She staggered and leaned on every possible surface without really being able to focus on anything that surrounded her, but her eyes scanned every corner hoping to see her partner appear.
"Hailey?"
"Upton!"
She blinked a few times before being able to focus on Kim and Voight's faces.
"Have you seen Jay? I can't find him, I can't find Jay."
She knew she was almost delusional, but she couldn't figure out where he could be. He couldn't be in the house, he couldn't because...because a bomb exploded in the house and so...
"Hailey, are you okay?", Vanessa came so close to her that for a moment she had to step back. The hand she removed from her face was stained with blood so maybe, maybe she was hurt.
A part of her head was able to realize what was happening very slowly, while the other was so focused on looking for Jay that she didn't really realize the confused faces of the rest of her team.
If she had realized this, she would probably have realized that she looks rather scary and certainly rather hurt.
"Detective. Can you explain to me what happened?"
Casey stopped in front of her, interrupting Vanessa with a wave of his hand. She saw him quickly look at her face and she, like a robot, wiped the blood she knew was dripping from her forehead.
"We, uhm…", she cleared her throat because saying out loud how she had lost Jay made her gag, "We were entering the house, through the front door. Halstead was in front of me, a few inches, because I had my hand on his shoulder an…I don't know, I got up and I was on the lawn and Jay…he wasn't there. And I can't find him…"
"Are you sure you were still on the threshold?"
"Yes!", she snorted impatiently in front of Casey's condescending gaze, "I'm sure. Halstead was inches from me. Please, you have to find him…"
She had never pleaded in her life and the voice reached her ears seemed almost foreign, but she knew it was hers. She knew this because she needed to find Jay.
"Upton, you have to go get Brett to see you, okay?"
Voight took her arm and pushed her towards the ambo that had appeared on the other side of the road.
Hailey looked at him speechless. How could he not understand? How could he not realize she hadn't found Jay yet? How could he be so calm? It was only when she felt another hand on her shoulder that she awoke from the numbness of her thoughts. Adam's face appeared in her sight and she lost her mind.
"No! Don't touch me!", she hissed vehemently before shaking off her contact with Adam. She didn't have time for these antics, the ambo could wait.
"Hailey, we got this. You're bleeding."
"I can't, I can't! I can't find Jay! I have to look for Jay! He was with me, we were together, Sarge! And now he's gone! I have to look for Jay! He is my partner, I have to find my partner."
She turned away from them and staggered towards the house. In her blurred vision, she saw firefighters working on the remains and was amazed she hadn't really noticed their arrival.
It was only then that she realized that probably all the fog she saw in her sight was due to her head. She didn't remember slamming it to the ground, but she didn't even remember flying meters away from the front door.
"Cruz found the source of the explosion at the back of the house."
Hailey roused herself from her thoughts as she heard Casey talking to the rest of her team. She walked over to them and, wiping her face, tried to clear her head. Before her eyes, everything looked so slow.
"Detective, you were hit by the shock wave. You were thrown out, but it's possible that Halstead got stuck."
Casey had turned to her, but it took her mind a few seconds to really realize he was talking to her.
"And what do we know about the bomb?"
Kevin had just joined them by handing a bottle of water to Hailey who only then realized she was dying of thirst.
"We found a detonator."
"So it was activated remotely. Miller was waiting for us."
Voight stared at her intently, but before she could say anything, she lowered herself vomiting violently to the ground and what she knew a minute later was she was shaking off Vanessa's hands.
"Stop walking around on me like I'm going to die", she mumbled wiping her mouth, "Go find Jay, V."
"Hailey."
Voight didn't have time to say anything else, because Hailey noticed her vision watering down and suddenly she was no longer aware of what she was saying.
"We both know that I should walk away, but I can't, Sarge. Don't make me breach your order."
She wiped her eyes and, having said this, turned her back on the rest of the group as she approached the house.
A flash of silver a few meters from where Severide was working attracted her attention and, managing to slip undisturbed between them, she found her badge immersed in the dust. A bitter laugh slipped between her lips as she dusted it and tied it to her belt. In everything that had happened, she hadn't even realized she had lost her badge.
...
Hailey had lost track of time by now. She had slumped against the wheel of a parked car for what seemed like an eternity to observe the work the firefighters were doing on the house. Her vision was increasingly blurred and the headache was so strong that it forced her to squint against the light. But they still hadn't found Jay and she would never leave him. Of the whole team, only Kim was left because the others had answered a call about where Miller might be.
She was squinting, just for a moment, when Severide's excited voice made her sit a little straighter.
"I got him! Hey Jay! Halstead, are you with us? He passed out, probable concussion. I got him!"
Hailey only realized she was on her feet when Kim's arm snapped into hers trying to stabilize her.
But it was only when she saw the brown hair stained with blood and soot she knew so well that she realized she had stopped breathing for a while.
They had found Jay. It was right in front of her, they had found Jay.
She sobbed tearlessly as she pushed towards them and nearly passed out with relief as his chest rose and fell.
They carried him on a stretcher to the ambo and Hailey noticed that she was moving by inertia. She did what she used to do every day, followed Jay as if he were her lighthouse.
"Come on, I'll take you to Med."
She shook herself slightly at feeling Severide's light hand on her shoulder, but shook her head as soon as she could understand his words. Her gaze had never left the unconscious figure of her partner.
"You need to go to Med and you can't go up with him. Sev will accompany you."
"Kim!"
She almost choked on her own words. She knew Kelly was right but the idea of letting Jay off her radar made her nauseous.
"I'm not leaving him. See you there", she shook her hand before jumping into the ambo.
Hailey, now surrendered to the situation, reached over to Jay looking in the pocket of his parka for the car keys and, almost automatically, took his wallet and badge.
She tossed Jay's car keys to Severide before trudging to his van. She sank into the seat and, for the first time in the day, let a lone tear roll down her cheek.
She had found Jay.
...
The trip to the hospital was mostly uneventful. They only had to pull over once down the street because Hailey needed to throw up but as soon as they got to Med, Will took care of her.
It took him only one hour to diagnose her with a concussion, which it was pretty clear she had, put some stitches on her forehead at the hairline and call an orthopedic surgeon who could take care of her shoulder.
"Hailey, you with me?"
Will waved a flashlight in front of her eyes waiting for her to recognize his presence. And when he saw her nod, he started a drip of liquids she didn't even realize he'd put on her.
In all this time, Hailey did not even realize that in her left hand she was still holding Jay's wallet and badge. She narrowed her eyes a few times before loosening her left hand. The two objects fell from her legs directly onto the bed and his wallet opened letting some of its contents slide out.
A moan escaped her lips as she focused on what was in the wallet.
A photo of her and Jay together.
She managed to remember the day it was taken from their clothing but she really never noticed.
They were at dinner to celebrate Adam's birthday and, without doing it on purpose, they were both dressed in black. She remembered wearing that long, low-cut black dress with her most beautiful heels only because Vanessa had insisted so much and Jay had a black shirt that made his eyes so incredibly green. She remembered well the butterflies fluttering in her stomach when he offered her his arm to enter the restaurant. It was such a Jay-like gesture, yet so unusual that she couldn't take her eyes off him for much of the dinner.
It was a simple photo, where Hailey stole a piece of the chocolate cake she knew Jay had ordered because she liked it while Jay laughed with his head tilted back. She remembered perfectly the feeling of her heart fluttering lightly in the chest as she heard his laugh.
"Jay'll be fine, you know that right? He has a concussion, a broken ankle, and some bruised ribs, but he'll be fine. He was lucky", he shook his hand before continuing, "They told me it got stuck under the bookcase that protected it from the rubble."
"Yeah sorry, I…", she sobbed without tears, putting the photo in the wallet and putting it back on her legs. She didn't expect him to keep a picture of them in his wallet, she didn't think…
"You know, I'm really glad he met you when he did. My brother needs someone to take care of him like you do, Hailey Upton."
Hailey shifted uncomfortably as she focused her attention on the sling holding her arm rather than the rollercoaster of emotions that were choking her.
The kind look she saw in Will's eyes was so similar to Jay's that, for a second, she thought she was losing it. But Will, who shared his brother's empathy, smiled at her one last time before approaching the door.
"I'll leave you here alone to rest. If I find out anything about Jay I'll come and tell you, otherwise I'll check you in in half an hour. Rest Hailey, you need it."
...
"Hey roomie."
Hailey opened her eyes to see Vanessa's smiling face greet her from the door.
"Hey yourself."
She rubbed her eyes wearily before reaching down on the emergency room bed. She had insisted on not being hospitalized and Will, being only Will, had made the decision hell. But in the end she won, so she stayed in the room she had occupied since her arrival in Med.
"How do you feel? You slept?"
"Nah, I think half an hour, but Will came to check on me all the time. Is there any news on Miller?"
Vanessa dragged the chair to her bed before sinking with a dramatic sigh.
"Taken. Adam and Voight are dealing with him. I've seen Kim before, she's still with Jay."
"Yeah, I…", Hailey chewed her lip nervously, "They haven't shown me yet. How are you?"
Vanessa brushed her words with a wave of her hand, then stretched out on the bed and approached her.
"How are you rather? It was pretty crazy out there, what happened…"
"I swear to you, V, I have a hard time remembering what happened."
This was only half the truth. Her memories were confused and hazy, but they were all there. She remembered perfectly when she had looked around without finding Jay and even better remembered the feeling of terror that had invaded her.
The thought of losing Jay, that maybe he might be dead, was something she couldn't really digest. It was something her brain refused to believe possible.
Because imagining that job, that life, without Jay was something she really found intolerable. He was part of her life in so many ways now that not having him around was impossible.
They were silent for a few minutes, the throbbing pain in her head had slowly subsided and she could now even keep the room light on.
Vanessa slowly nibbled a donut as she perched on the chair next to the bed and Hailey tried to hide the glances she cast at the clock.
She wanted to be discharged and she wanted to go see Jay. She didn't really understand why they kept her in that bed, she was fine now!
"When are you going to tell him?"
Hailey was pulled out of her thoughts by Vanessa's sleepy voice. She looked at her with raised eyebrows, unable to understand what she meant. Her amused expression immediately made her regret the fact that she wasn't sleeping.
"To Jay. When are you going to tell him?"
Hailey was still silent while she waited for the other woman to be a little clearer.
"That you are in love with him. It was pretty obvious to me out there… You were completely insane."
Hailey clenched her fist against the sheet as she managed to keep her face neutral. The same couldn't be said of her heart, which was beating furiously in her chest.
"I don't really know what you're talking about, V."
"Uh, Hailey", Vanessa shook her head with a chuckle, "Don't play this game with me. I can read you."
"If it had happened to Kev, you would have done the same…"
She knew it was a weak defense, especially since her voice was just a muffled moan.
"Probably, yes. But believe me, Hailey, don't be afraid. It's Jay we're talking about."
"It's my partner we're talking about", she hissed, feeling more and more naked under Vanessa's gaze.
She saw her open her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Will who approached her with his papers for discharge. He released her from the IV before exulting with joy at getting rid of her.
"I love you, Detective. But seriously, you're unbearable if hurt."
"You have a beer offered, you happy?"
"I always thought you were the woman of my life. I'm the smarter and more handsome of the two Halstead brothers, you know."
"Yes, Will, I know!", she laughed as she saw him disappear from her room.
"I'm not even commenting this, no", Vanessa shook her head as she walked out of her room and finally leaving her alone.
She was free and she could finally go see how Jay was doing. Vanessa's words bounced around her brain but she silenced them easily as she got out of bed and prepared to leave.
Finding her room wasn't difficult, simply because Kim's cheerful voice gave her a good clue as to where to go.
She stood in the doorway as she saw Kim reading crosswords' definitions and waiting for Jay to help her. The sound of his hoarse laugh made something bloom in the center of her stomach, she couldn't give that feeling a name, but it was something that warmed her from within.
"Hey partner", she smiled at Jay before approaching Kim and squeezing her shoulder. She wanted to thank her in so many ways that she really had no idea where to start. The hand that shook hers and Kim's kind smile confirmed that she understood and didn't need to thank her.
Kim slipped silently out of the room leaving them alone and it was only then that Jay got up on the bed and stared at her.
"Hailey."
It was almost a sigh and if she hadn't focused enough, she would have vanished in front of him. Because it had been a long time since she had understood that her name, spoken by him, always made her lose a few heartbeats.
She slid her gaze down his body noting the bruises and cuts scattered around. And she was sure he was doing the same on her.
"Hailey."
She cleared her throat before approaching the bed, "I've got your things. Voight brought your gun, they found it near…"
She paused, scratching her wrist nervously, before handing him the gun and badge, but kept his wallet still neatly tucked away in the back pocket of her jeans.
"How do you feel?"
"I'll be on desk duty for a while", he grunted pointing to his ankle in cast and sinking a little deeper into the bed, "What about you? They told me it was pretty crazy out there…"
"Yeah, a lot of smoke and dust…", she nibbled her bottom lip after sitting on the edge of the bed.
"A lot of headaches…"
She giggled, relieved at how he was trying to make her laugh, "Especially that one, yeah."
They were silent for a few seconds, both still in pain, before Hailey slipped his wallet out of her pocket. She squeezed it in her hand, wondering if he was really doing the right thing. It was Jay, her partner, did it really make sense to take this risks?
"Okay, uhm... Before they brought you here, I took your wallet and badge and...I didn't do it on purpose but it slipped from my hand and opened. I really didn't want to get into your business, but..."
"Hailey, just breathe."
She raised her head at the sound of his voice, realizing she was delirious. Hailey took a deep breath to organize her thoughts and then continued.
"You keep that picture of us in your wallet?"
She reached out to him to leave the small piece of paper on his lap and watched him sway and inhale slightly. Probably no one else would ever notice, but she knew him. She knew the slightest changes in his expressions, as he knew her.
Hailey had always admired his ability to lose and regain composure at an astonishing speed.
"Uhm, yeah. I liked it... Is it a problem for you?"
"No, I…I like it too. But I'm sorry, maybe you didn't want me to know..."
"Not that I've ever managed to keep too many secrets from you."
His light laugh slid into her chest like balm and Hailey found herself smiling and closing her eyes.
For a second, just a small second, Hailey imagined a simpler life, where Jay wasn't her partner and getting overwhelmed by what she felt for him was easier.
"Hailey."
It almost seemed that, all of a sudden, her name had become his favorite word. She opened her eyes again, feeling a touch on her arm, the injured one, and saw his hand sliding along her shirt. His grip became heavier at the wrist, where he had tightened his fingers around her skin.
"We don't hug."
It wasn't a question, just a simple affirmation. And, strangely, she didn't understand where he was going with his thoughts.
"No, we don't."
"But now I would like to hug you. I can?"
She nodded slowly, as if his words took too long to register in her mind. But maybe she was, because she wasn't really prepared to hear Jay ask her for permission to hug her.
She leaned towards him who was still looking at her with that open and sincere expression and the next thing she knew was that her arm had slipped behind his neck and her face was pressed against his neck.
She felt his arms slip behind her back and rest there, holding her tight, as if she could escape.
But honestly, could she ever get away from Jay?
"I was so worried," she melted against him, the weight of the day slipping off her shoulders leaving her lighter.
"I'm so sorry, Hails. I'd do everything for you, even take a bomb."
It had come out so simple and she had no doubt it was the truth.
"It's not fair," she choked out the words against him.
The hand of the injured arm, which was now pressed between their bodies, clenched into a fist.
"Maybe not, but it's the truth."
"I always have your back, Jay."
"I know, they told me."
His hand slid behind her neck and Hailey almost moaned at the feelling of his fingers stroking her hair.
She didn't need to ask him what they had told him, because she was damn sure Kim had told him how she'd freaked out when she couldn't find him.
And she wasn't surprised that this didn't make her uncomfortable. She would do everything for Jay and she wanted him to know.