Author's Note
Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!
PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(
Ch 9: Optimistic - Mae
September 2016
For years she searched for someone that could truly understand her. Each of her parents asked her at different times if she thought anyone she'd met could. It wasn't until that day, the one where they truly reunited, that she understood they were all gently prodding her to remember that she'd already met him. Reminded her because she'd stopped considering him as an option almost as soon as she first wanted him, and it didn't happen. She'd just needed time for them to both be ready.
The instant she looked into his eyes, and knew he was truly seeing her too - as a grown woman - that vital missing piece was returned.
It was him. It had always been him. Only ever would be him - no one else could ever hope to compare. He was her missing piece. The part that understood her completely, and accepted her for exactly what she was. The part that inspired her, made her try new things, question and bravely face the world.
Jacob Black was her soulmate.
Year 5 - 2010-2011
August
The University of Wyoming's campus wasn't as beautiful as some of the alternatives she'd looked into, but it had an interesting quad with criss-crossing paths, and more than that, it was a place she could find herself.
Just because she wasn't entirely human, didn't mean she didn't want those experiences people took for granted. Making friends. Being silly and accepting dares she knew she shouldn't. Flirting with strangers. Stressing over exams. Rushing to finish a paper before class after procrastinating because she'd gone out with friends the night before instead.
Her family all had lives before becoming vampires. Granted those lives looked a little different depending on the time period when they'd lived. Already she was part vampire, but now it was her turn to be human. She was doing things in reverse - story of her life. Always different.
Her very first class was pretty early in the morning. She'd not really been ready to roll out of bed and make the drive to campus, but somehow she'd ended up there. A little early even. Everyone seemed to be doing their own thing. Most trying to wake up like her, sipping rapidly disappearing coffee. Others looked hungover, still wearing their pajamas. Possibly a couple were actually still drunk or already high for the day.
Oh, the joy of college life.
She sat in the back, not needing to be closer to see the front clearly. It was an intro psychology class, and Mae recognized several of the articles the professor cited while giving them a brief run through of what they'd be covering this semester and began discussing the history of its development as a scientific practice.
Honestly, she was a little bored, and spent most of the class people watching. It was more entertaining to watch a couple girls texting faster than they took notes, utterly engrossed in the drama playing out on their tiny lit screens, and judging how big the drool puddle would get before the end of class that a guy three rows up from her was steadily making contributions to as he snored softly.
Bella had offered to meet her somewhere for 'lunch' between classes if she got lonely during her break, but Mae didn't really want to have to call her mom to come save her because she couldn't hack it on the very first day.
With that in mind, during her second class a few hours later, Mae moved intentionally to sit next to a girl with eyes that kept darting around. She looked not like she was waiting for someone, but overwhelmed and nervous, foot shaking in time with the pen she was tapping on her notebook.
"Hi, I'm Mae," she offered, introducing herself.
"Jackie - uh, Jaquelin. Wait, Jackie," she said, stumbling through the words. Mae wondered if she'd been considering a name change as a sort of metamorphosis to reinvent herself in college. It wasn't a bad idea, but she rather liked her own name. Jazz had given it to her, and she was a hundred percent a daddy's girl. "Is it that obvious I don't have any friends yet?"
Jackie had light brown hair and fifties style glasses, retro teal cat eyes that had three little rhinestones in the corner. The frames partially obscured her pretty hazel eyes. They were her most outstanding feature. She was pretty, but in a less obvious way. Her beauty was shrouded by her shy anxiousness, and loose, nondescript clothing.
"My first day too," Mae said, attempting to make her feel less self-conscious. "Decided I'd be brave for once. College is about fresh starts, right?"
Suspicious doubt made Jackie's brow wrinkle as she looked Mae over, making it clear she doubted Mae struggled to be brave or that she needed a fresh start. It was a little discouraging, to be rebuffed like this, but she didn't have a chance to say more, because the professor started class.
It was art history, and this was actually the course she was most excited for. It was easy to get lost in the professor's lecture. Particularly after she started a slide show featuring some of the works they'd be focusing on.
Last year she'd tried painting, but found she was too critical of her work to enjoy it. Maybe she'd try it again in a few decades, but for now, music, photography and film were more where her talents and interest lay. She still enjoyed appreciating art in all forms, however.
"Hey, uh, Mae!" Jackie called when Mae began making her way to the end of the aisle in the lecture hall's amphitheater seats. She stopped and looked back at the girl she'd forgotten about two minutes into the start of class. "There's a party tonight in one of the dorms. My roommate is dragging me along. Want to come?" Jackie offered with a hopeful smile. Apparently she'd reconsidered Mae's offer of friendship, or was trying to be brave herself.
"That'd be great," Mae said, waiting for Jackie to catch up to her. They exchanged numbers, and Mae got her dorm room number so she could meet up with her there later that night.
"Auntie Rose? Can you help me?" Mae asked, knocking on Em and Rosalie's bedroom door later that day. She knew they were both inside, and while she hated to interrupt, Rose really was her best and only option.
"Sweetheart, what is it? Come in," Rose demanded, swinging her door open wide. Emmett stood with his arms crossed, looking mutinous, but the look softened when he saw her. They were all like that, unable to stay mad at her for any length of time, even when it cut into their pursuits.
"I got invited to a party tonight -"
"You did? Oh, that's wonderful!"
"Yeah, and I don't know what to wear… " Mae confessed, nerves making her ramble as she continued, "Alice would go overboard, and my mom… well, she usually just wears papa's clothes - which, yeah, sweet and all, but not the look I want to go for. I don't even think she knows what someone is supposed to wear."
During her soliloquy, Emmett had plopped down on the bed, amused at the direction this course of events was taking. He relished any opportunity that revealed things he could use as ammunition against his siblings in the future.
"Go away, Emmett. This is girl time, and it doesn't require your input," Rose directed, looking at him as she pointed a commanding finger at the door. Emmett's mouth dropped open in outraged betrayal. "Now."
Slowly, he got up. Rose headed towards her closet, pulling out a black sheer top that Mae had never seen her wear before.
The sight made Em pause, and he pointedly remarked, "Keep in mind she's your niece, and you don't really want to have to kill anyone tonight if she goes out wearing something like that."
"Hmm. Yes, you're right," Rose said, hanging the shirt back up, and pushing the hangers. She stopped on another, briefly pausing before shaking her head and continuing to sort through the assortment of clothing. "They'll look regardless, but she can handle herself if need be."
Mae felt a surge of pride at her aunt's faith in her, but it died when she caught sight of Roaslie's face pinched with perplexed concern. Mae knew it was for her and not the outfit, because she'd paused too long on a white lace dress for her to believably still be considering it as an option. Vampire minds simply processed information too fast.
"Jasper really should give you some self-defense lessons," Rose murmured quietly, pushing the dress aside and continuing her search.
"Only humans will be at this party. I'm nearly as strong, fast, and indestructible as a real vampire. I'll be fine," Mae assured her, going over to hug Rose from behind. Her aunt patted her arm, and Mae saw the real smile spread across her face at the contact.
It was an interesting prospect though. Fighting. Edward had suggested it years before, and Maggie had reminded her of it in Ireland, but she'd never pursued it after Jazz asked her to wait a bit longer for Bella's sake. There was no reason it wasn't something to consider pursuing now - once she made it through the party first, of course.
In the end, Rosalie picked a pair of short red shorts and a vintage off-the-shoulders peasant blouse. The outfit displayed her naturally rosy, luminescent skin, showing it off nicely. The rest of the family typically covered up so less of the differences in their skin were visible to the humans they interacted with, but she didn't have the same problem. The clothes were paired with slip-on heeled sandals and a couple bracelets.
"There. You look like you could care less what others think while still looking beautiful and intriguing - very boho chic," Rosalie said, clearly satisfied with the results. She reached out and mussed Mae's hair, making it resemble disorderly waves instead of individual ringlets. It was funny how Rose took such pride in Mae's appearance, nearly as much as she took in her own - though Mae honestly believed that they in no way compared.
"You're the best!" Mae squealed, throwing her arms around Rosalie, and making her aunt smile smugly at the praise.
Skipping down the steps, Mae found Bella and Jasper waiting for her in the family room. Bella looked anxious, and extremely out of her depth. Jazz didn't look much better, but it could be his proximity to Bella affecting his mood.
"What time will you be home?" Bella asked with forced casualness.
"Not sure," Mae admitted, wondering if that was going to be a problem. If she lived in the dorms as Edward had suggested, her parents wouldn't even know when she was going out. She just would.
"You'll call if it's going to be late? You have an early class tomorrow," Bella said, smiling. It more resembled a grimace than any true joy.
"Yeah, Mom. I'll be fine, promise," Mae said, part amused, part guilty. She didn't want to upset Bella, but she was going to have a life of her own. It was time.
"Will Seth be there?" she asked hopefully.
Seth had transferred to complete his senior year, but he'd never really been social like that, preferring to spend his nights with Alice or studying instead. And if it wasn't that, then it was working with Carlisle at the hospital. He'd gotten a part time job as a scribe in the ER after they'd moved here earlier in the summer. Plus he was busy remodeling the house he and Alice had just bought.
So no, Seth would not be attending a freshman dorm party.
"Geez, Bella. Lay off," Em said, saving her. She'd have to thank him by irritating a grizzly just for him next time they went hunting.
"We could use the time to go hunting," Jazz said suggestively, dipping his head to kiss Bella's neck. Her mom gasped, tilting her head to expose more of her skin to Jasper. "Take your mind off of worrying," he added, slipping his arms around Bella's waist.
"Because no one can guess what hunting is code for," Emmett called sarcastically. "Better run while he's got her distracted," he recommended.
"Emmett," Esme warned from her office next to the kitchen. "Have fun, Dear," she added, just as Mae was closing the front door, taking Em's advice.
Anticipation trilled through her by the time she got to the open door of Jackie's dorm room. The room looked like a box jammed with too much furniture. Two beds. Two desks with chairs and raised bookshelves. Two dressers. Extra chairs. A fridge, microwave, and mini pantry. A television and computer gaming system. Somehow all of this was crammed into the eight by twelve room.
Had Mae been a little disappointed not to live in a dorm? She took it back. Bella was brilliant for wanting her at home longer.
"This is Trinity," Jackie introduced while Mae hovered in the doorway. Several rooms along the hallway had their doors open, and other girls were going in and out of the rooms like they were all part of the same house rather than separate units.
Jackie was on her computer, frantically typing away, and returned to focusing on her screen the second she finished saying her roommate's name, and her fingers never stopped moving, even while she'd been speaking.
"Mae," she offered, giving a half wave when the girl glanced up. Her dark hair was atop her head in two fluffy buns that reminded Mae of cat ears, or maybe curved, furry bear ears. She had a very round face, and a generous smile.
Though she did a double take at the sight of Mae. It was something most people did, so she'd grown used to it, and hardly noticed anymore. At least they didn't flinch and jerk away in fear as they did with the rest of her family. Instead, they just wondered if they were truly seeing her clearly. Rose warned that many would assume she'd undergone plastic surgery, and be jealous or cruel about it. That was fine. She wouldn't want to be friends with people like that anyways.
"Like the month?" Trinity asked curiously, standing and moving to sit on her bed, waving at her desk chair for Mae to have a seat and join them.
"Like a passable alternative for Renesmee," Mae said lightly. She actually liked her full name, appreciating the significance and thought put into it. But it was a bit much to be called that all the time.
It didn't hurt that the name felt like a caress when Nahuel would say it on the phone. He always drew the sounds out until it felt like he was savoring each syllable, reluctant to part with it.
Funny, she hadn't thought of him much lately, but the memory was such a pleasant one, that she made mental plans to call him the next day and tell him about starting school.
"Ah, hippie mom?" Trinity asked, grinning wider.
"Something like that," Mae said, going with the easier explanation. It wasn't like she'd ever tell them the real truth.
"So you're the one that convinced Jackie to come out tonight? Nice. Jackie, come on! Let's go," Trinity commanded, dragging Jackie from her desk. Mae wanted to ask what she'd been working on, but Trinity started talking again. "What dorm are you in?" Trinity asked as she locked their dorm room door.
"Oh, I live off campus," Mae said, wondering why she hadn't thought to anticipate so many questions.
"Do I hear a house party in the future?" Trinity asked excitedly, reminding Mae of Alice's enthusiasm for entertaining.
"I'm at my parent's place. Cheaper," she said lightly, shrugging.
The hippie comment made her think of communes. It sort of described how her family could be seen, particularly when they'd been with the Denalis. A group of like-minded individuals choosing to live differently, and forming a peaceful community apart from others of their kind. Carlisle would be amused at what he'd started when she shared later.
"Oh, never mind then. Well, come on - we're going to have fun tonight!" she insisted, leading the way into one of the dorms a couple buildings away. Most of the dorm halls were conveniently right next to each other making it easy to visit.
They'd barely come inside, entering a long hallway packed with people that seemed to be using all the rooms as gathering spots, when a guy called out to her, "Hey, you there!" He moved through the narrow space to stand in front of her, and continued, "Any chance I could convince you to have coffee with me tomorrow?" He was cute. Tall, lean, sandy brown hair and light blue eyes. Maybe a little cocky. Or tipsy. Hard to tell considering they'd just met.
"And why would I do that?" Mae asked, enjoying this opportunity to banter playfully.
"Because I've had a few drinks, and can't make a good impression just now, but I'd really like the chance to get to know you. Assuming you don't already have a boyfriend, of course. If you do, then sorry for overstepping," he said, staring intently at her.
"At least you're honest," Mae said, pleasantly surprised by his response. "And no, I don't have a boyfriend."
"Is that a yes then? Please say yes," he said, clasping his hands together in front of his chest like an eager kid. "I'll beg if that's what it takes."
"Yes. No begging required," she said easily, grinning so widely her cheeks hurt. "I'm Mae."
"And I'm Eli. Here's my number," he said, taking her phone from her hand and typing his number in. "Text me tomorrow when you're free, and I'll come meet you - any time," he suggested.
"What if you have class when I want to meet?" Mae asked, laughing at his antics.
"It's the first week. Something tells me you're worth skipping for," he said, walking backwards, and not even apologizing as he bumped into several people, even making one guy spill part of his drink. Eli gave a wave then spun and disappeared into one of the rooms.
"Did that just happen?" Trinity asked, staring at Mae like she was an alien.
"I think so?" she tried, then burst out laughing. It was such a perfectly exciting way to start off her college experience.
"First day, and you're already taken," Jackie said, a little wistfully.
"I wouldn't go that far. I have to see if I even like him first," Mae said, backpedaling. She just wanted to have some fun and get to know people. Not settle down. Unless he surprised her.
When she was younger, she'd desperately wanted to fall in love. She'd longed for the romance. But after Quil's wedding, she'd stopped wanting to. Those fantasies had tapered off. It didn't seem so imperative that she find her soulmate immediately. There was no rush. It seemed much more prudent to see what, or rather who, all was out there, and see if anyone could spark what Jake had within her. She'd not settle for less. And she had a feeling it would take time to find that again - if she even could.
The rest of the night was everything she'd hoped it would be. The only disappointing moment was when she tried a sip of a mixed drink, and realized she'd never be able to force enough down her throat to impact her. The silly laughter coming from those around her made her wish she could experience the thrill of being drunk just once, but it would never happen. It wasn't worth suffering through the taste. Instead, she'd just have to live vicariously through her new friends.
She discovered Jackie was into computer gaming, and planned to major in computer science so she could become a programmer. Her family thought she was nuts. She'd been raised on a farm, so her intended career was a far cry from what they knew, but they were supportive despite everything. It was obvious Jackie was uncomfortable being in such a social environment, so Mae stayed close to keep her company.
Trinity, surprisingly enough, did as well. Trinity was the type to make friends easily. She was very social, and comfortable with herself. She laughed and joked easily with everyone that talked to them. When Mae asked her major, Trinity said she had no idea what she wanted to study. Probably communications or business she declared later in the night, long after Mae had forgotten she'd even asked. Then she'd shrugged and said she had time to figure it out.
"Did you have fun?" Bella asked anxiously when Mae got home later that night.
"Were you waiting on me?" Mae asked, genuinely surprised to find Bella reading a book in the family room of the tiny log cabin house the three of them shared. She felt bad that Bella hadn't retired with Jazz for the night yet. Where was her papa? Was he thoughtfully letting them have a moment to themselves? Probably.
"I was worried," Bella admitted, smiling sheepishly. Mae moved to sit beside her on the sofa, resting her head on Bella's shoulder.
"I was on campus with a couple new friends. We met some new people, listened to music, danced. Had fun," Mae said, offering a quick run through of her evening. "It was actually sort of amazing."
"Can I see?" Bella asked hesitantly, trying not to pry, but genuinely curious about this new adventure her daughter had indulged in.
"Of course!" Mae agreed, reaching up to touch Bella's cheek, and replay the entire evening in detail, including the conversation she'd had with Eli.
"Eli? And a date… already?"
"He was nice," Mae said, lips twitching in amusement at the distressed look on Bella's face.
"Your first date," Jazz said, coming into the room. He moved to sit on Mae's other side, reaching across her to hold Bella's hand. Mae felt the easing of tension Jasper projected, sensing the poptent dose he offered Bella where their hands joined.
"I'm not sure coffee can be considered a date, but it's something," Mae said, downplaying the event.
"You know you'll have to pretend to drink it," Jazz teased, seeming to take a perverse joy in the thought. Like this small suffering on her part was recompense for making Bella unhappy. Or he'd just enjoy laughing at her expense.
"It can't be that bad," Mae said, recalling a hotdog and the elote loco she had choked down on principle after it'd been suggested she couldn't. This couldn't be any worse.
"That's it. Determination will you get you through," Jazz mocked, nodding with a grave expression that did not mask the amused twinkle in his dark, nearly black eyes. So much for hunting earlier.
"Have you thought about waiting until you know if you have feelings for someone before dating them?" Bella asked, the high pitched quality of the question drawing attention to her uncertainty.
Being parent to a child dating for the first time was unfamiliar territory for Bella. And based on the stories Mae'd heard, Bella hadn't ever dated much herself. Only Edward. Jacob had tried, but that had never really happened. And she and Jasper had settled into a long term relationship from the moment they realized they'd fallen in love. No dating or trial period necessary.
"I won't know if I do until I get to know the person," Mae said reasonably. "Dating is a good way to learn."
"It's just -"
"Bella, she can take care of herself. And I have no issue with destroying him should he try anything," Jasper interjected, one hundred percent serious. Mae had no doubt if a guy, human or otherwise, ever did upset or hurt her, Jasper would literally tear him limb from limb and not bat an eye afterwards - even in the face of Carisle's censure. Nothing would stop him from protecting or avenging her.
"Because that wouldn't be an overreaction," Mae said drolly, rolling her eyes.
"All you have to do is call," Jazz replied, still serious.
Oh, geez.
"I love you guys, but seriously, I'll be fine," Mae said, biting back her incredulous laughter.
Eli turned out to be a soccer player. He was nice enough, but he only knew how to talk about sports. He was in school on a scholarship for sports management, and wanted to coach if he couldn't go pro. The idea of dating a less entertaining version of Emmett was about as appealing as the coffee she'd daintily sipped. And coffee only reminded her of the birthday trip she'd been on with Jacob when they'd been searching for answers.
The memory was pleasant, more pleasant than the 'date'. And it was nice to recall that time in her life with only fondness - a welcome diversion from the third recounting of the last game Eli had scored in, complete with hand gestures and a recreation of events using the condiment bottles on the table. There was no lingering pain or sadness when she thought of Jacob, and her fear of the Volturi had diminished as well.
The best part about her date was how it had helped her figure out really quickly that she needed to preplan a few lies that she could rattle off for her next first date. Because she definitely wouldn't be seeing Eli again, and she didn't want to have to watch her words so carefully in the future. The tension made it impossible to relax and have at least a little bit of fun.
September
It was remarkable the difference having a purpose made in her life. There were commitments to uphold, plans to fulfill, expectations and adventures to be had with her new friends. The result was a perpetual state of happiness. This, college, had been the right choice. There were so many things to do and try.
The only negative, was Bella's continuous insistence to know where she was at all times. Who she was with, when she'd be coming home, and how hurt she'd be if Mae didn't share everything with her gift. Things had never been strained between them in the past, and Bella had always tried to give her freedom, but now things were different, and neither of them seemed to know how to handle the change to their relationship. They didn't fight or anything as obvious as that, but a new distance had cropped up between them. It drove home that in Bella's mind, Mae really was still her baby girl.
She'd hoped that by starting college, they'd begin to develop a relationship that more resembled the one Bella shared with Esme. One where they were family and friends, not just a parent and a child. Perhaps Mae was simply trying to rush the transition. It'd only been a couple of months.
The rest of the family seemed to be struggling with a similar dilemma, just to a lesser degree. They didn't know how to treat her as an adult and friend. They always tried to be on their best behavior around her and censored their jokes and teasing, and even the topics they discussed when she was nearby.
And they all had an opinion on her social life. The fact that she'd been on five first dates in the last month was a subject that was discussed far too often for her liking. If only she could lie to them and just say she was out with friends, but she couldn't bring herself to do that - even if it meant suffering through their collective disapproval, and Bella's sincere bafflement.
The night of her birthday, Trinity and Jackie took her out to one of the bars that had a dance floor and didn't card if you got there early enough. The noise hurt her ears, but she smiled and moved to the beat despite it, happy to be out celebrating. The tree of them formed a loose circle on the dance floor, hips swaying in time with the beat.
At one point, a guy approached to dance against her back. His fingers rested lightly on her waist. He was the first to take such a liberty and have it not feel wrongly possessive. Most of the time if they went out dancing, guys would try to press against her, or force her back until her butt ground against their hips. Typically, they'd have grabby hands that tried to wander a bit too much with uncomfortable familiarity within seconds of approaching her. This was different. Respectful.
Trinity rolled her eyes, and gave a negative shake of her head, but Jackie gave her a look that said she thought he had potential.
Turning, Mae inspected her dance partner. He immediately released her, assuming she had a problem. He was short, maybe only an inch taller than her, and skinny. Probably a freshman too. He sort of had a geeky haphazard appearance emphasized by his graphic t-shirt that had the chemical symbol for iron with the word irony under it. Honestly, he reminded Mae of an eager puppy.
Impulsive, she said, "It's my birthday. Can I kiss you?"
For all the dates she'd been on, she had yet to kiss any of the guys. There just wasn't anything appealing enough about them to tempt her by the end of their outings. But right now, she was tempted. She wanted to know what it was like, and he was sweet.
The stranger smiled, clearly surprised by the request, but he stepped closer and reached to cup her face. Leaning in, he gently brushed his lips to hers. His nose bumped hers as he tilted his head more. Then she felt his cool tongue trace the seam of her lips. Opening her mouth, he darted his tongue in teasingly, before retreating and breaking off.
It was pleasant. Interesting. Even if she wasn't overwhelmed, and it didn't live up to the hype she'd expected.
"Happy birthday. Thank you for the dance," he said, smiling bashfully and blushing tomato red.
With that, he excused himself, heading towards the bathrooms, and getting a clap on the back as he passed a nearby table from someone that she suspected was a friend.
October
A few nights before Halloween, Trinity, and her friend Amari talked Mae into going on a group bowling date with them. Trinity insisted that Amari's boyfriend had a friend that Mae would like. It sounded like fun, so she agreed.
"They do a half price lanes thing every Thursday - I used to come every week with my ex, Gabby," Matt said, tying the laces of the bowling shoes he'd brought with him.
Mae was still eyeing the pair she'd rented critically. There were smells coming from them her overly sensitive nose detected that had her second guessing the wisdom in agreeing to this particular venture.
"Oh? You must be pretty good then," she said, plastering on a smile, and going for it. Her feet slid easily into the noxious material.
"Yeah, she wasn't, but -" he began, but cut himself off, wincing as he realized he was still discussing his ex girlfriend while on a blind date. Mae didn't mind, others had done the same before. She guessed it was hard after a person went from being a significant factor in your day-to-day, to nonexistent overnight as most breakups typically involved. "Sorry," he muttered.
"Recent breakup?" she asked sympathetically.
"About a month. It was mutual. We met at freshman orientation two years ago, just sort of latched on to one another from day one," he explained. Mae caught Trinity's eye over Matt's shoulder, and had to restrain her laughter at the exasperated look on her friend's face as she listened in on them.
Trinity was there with a guy, Dante, that she'd met a few weeks earlier. The two had been out a couple times since the party they'd met at.
"I'm sorry. That must be hard," Mae murmured, bending to tie the laces, so her smile at the mock neck wringing Trinity was miming behind him wouldn't be seen and make Matt think she was laughing at him.
"Getting easier all the time, and I'm here with you, which helps. Promise not to mention Gabs again," he said, heading over to grab a bowl from one of the racks.
"It's fine," Mae assured, selecting a shiny blue one for herself.
Ten minutes later, Mae had successfully rolled strikes on each of her turns. Bowling was a bit too easy for her.
"There was one time last spring, Gabby had three strikes in a row, then she didn't hit another pin all night," Matt said. Mae pressed her lips together even as she felt her eyes grow wide when he brought up Gabby again. When Matt noticed the way the other two guys were staring at him incredulously, he realized what he'd done, and quickly said, "I swear, that was the last time."
It wasn't.
Not by a long shot.
So much for a mutual breakup.
Mae joined Trinity and Amari back in Trinity's room after the night ended. Trinity was regaling Jackie with the entire amusing tale of how the night had progressed. They'd invited her, but she'd declined, not wanting to be a seventh wheel, preferring to spend the night gaming or coding, or something more her scene.
"You're like a walking dating app for failed connections," Trinity declared.
"I don't understand how someone that looks like you can have such bad luck," Amari said. Mae had only known her a short time. She and Trinity had an English class together and had started hanging out earlier in the year. It was actually through Amari that Trinity met Dante.
"She's too picky," Trinity announced, flopping down on her bed after she'd reenacted several scenes that had taken place at the bowling alley, complete with over-the-top improved actions for Jackie's benefit.
"There's nothing wrong with high expectations," Mae said defensively. She wasn't going to get serious with just anyone simply because she didn't want to be alone. There had to be more.
"No one can even jump high enough to reach the bar you've set," Trinity retorted with a laugh that came out more as a snort.
"The right person could," Mae insisted.
"Are you hung up on an ex or something?" Jackie asked, leaning back in her desk chair so it balanced on the hind legs.
"Or something," Mae said vaguely, not wanting to try and explain the complicated feelings for Jacob she'd had, but never acted on or how she'd gotten over him yet still wanted someone that was as handsome, funny, intelligent, and accepting. It wasn't that big an ask. Surely.
"You don't really talk about high school," Jackie remarked, studying Mae in a whole new way.
"That's because I was homeschooled," Mae fired off drolly.
"That explains so much about you - I knew you had a hippie mom!" Trinity shouted, sitting up to look at her. Amari smacked her arm for the bluntness of her words. "What? You have to know you're a little peculiar," Trinity stated, giving Mae a look that clearly said, sorry, but you are.
"You're all tact," Amari said sarcastically.
"Tact is overrated. You're supposed to be able to be honest with your friends," Trinity insisted, making them all laugh lightly.
When she got home, Edward and Leah were waiting up for her with Bella, Jasper, Alice, and Seth. Her dad and Leah had flown in for the weekend to surprise her, but had insisted she keep her date that night since that could spend the time with the rest of the family - meaning Esme fussed over Edward while Leah and Seth went for a run together.
Idly, as she locked her car, she regretted that Matt actually was a decent kisser, better than the others she'd kissed since her birthday. Too bad he was hung up on Gabby. Because yes, she'd gone ahead and kissed him at the end of the date despite knowing she had no intent of seeing him again. Kissing was fun, so why deny herself one bright spot in and otherwise wasted - actually, it'd still been fun, so maybe unsuccessful was a better word for describing her night. He might have been worth exploring more with. There were a number of things -
"You kissed him?" Edward demanded the second she opened the front door. He looked furious, disappointed, and honestly, a bit nauseous. His words froze her in place. "How many others have there been?"
Shit.
Quickly as possible, she thought about the paper on french impressionists she was working on that was due the next week.
"Mom? A little help," Mae begged, shooting her a pleading look. Bella's face pinched, but a second later she nodded. Ever since her lessons with Kate, she'd learned to be able to project her shield outwards to protect others from various gifts. In this case, she was shielding Mae's thoughts from her father.
"Really? You guys are teaming up against me now?" Edward said, slightly shocked by the turn of events.
He'd never participated when Bella was learning how to manipulate her gift, so this was the first time he found himself encountering the effects, though he'd no doubt heard about her progress in other's thoughts. No mind, aside from Bella's, had ever been silent to him, but now his daughter's was.
Mae had known this would come in handy, and had practiced with Bella after her first date for when Edward came to visit. She didn't want her father to have to suffer through hearing her romantic thoughts. It was slightly disturbing to consider, and she had a feeling he'd been ready to go after Jacob after Quil's wedding, and nothing had even happened back then - Mae had just considered what it would be like.
"So it is working," Mae said smugly.
"What's this about kissing?" Leah asked, her face a blank mask.
The day before, when they'd first arrived, Leah had looked at Mae like she was seeing her for the first time. It had only been four months since her aunt had last seen her, and while they frequently talked on the phone, it was different seeing the changes in Mae for herself after the absence. Mae knew she looked visibly older than all three of her parents at this point. A human probably wouldn't be able to tell, but Leah didn't have ordinary eyes. There was no denying the fact that Mae was quickly approaching the point when she'd freeze into her immortality.
"Doesn't matter. I'm not seeing Matt again," Mae muttered, disturbed by the flash of envy she'd seen in Leah's expression. Ordinarily, she'd think it was just a trick of the light, but she'd seen Jazz react at the same moment, so she knew it had happened.
"I thought it was Eric - or was he last week? I must be getting senile, because I just can't keep track anymore. What was wrong with this one?" Alice teased, trying to lighten the mood.
"Too tall? Too sweaty? Chewed with his mouth open?" Seth suggested, playing off of Alice.
"You know, this is the second time tonight I've been accused of being too judgy," Mae said, not really in the mood to go through this all again, even if it was good natured. Edward looked a little traumatized by it all, and she feared for his sanity if they continued on in this vein.
"Maybe you should wait and get to know the person first," Edward said, completely serious. He did not like the idea of Mae behaving the way others of more recent generations did when it came to matters of the heart and body. "No sense kissing boys you know you don't have feelings for."
"And yet it's still fun. Besides, now you sound like Mom," Mae sighed.
"Bella demonstrated excellent restraint when it came to dating," Edward said, sitting up straighter.
Alice snorted, then clamped a hand over her mouth. Peels of laughter spilled forth despite her efforts to contain them. Eventually, she got out, "I seem to recall - you voicing things differently - back then," she forced out between the chiming sounds.
"Alice," Edward warned, glancing pointedly at Mae. Ah, so it was to be a double standard. He knew how much she hated when he tried to pull that crap.
"'She doesn't have enough experience to know what she wants'," Alice mocked, doing her best impression of a frustrated and overbearing Edward. She even managed to deepen her voice to sound passably like him.
"How many guys are we talking here?" Leah asked cautiously. She glanced at Seth, and he grimaced, giving her a slow nod.
"A new one every few days," Seth answered for Mae. It wasn't that ridiculous. Eleven total. Okay, twelve including the guy she'd kissed on her birthday. More like one or two a week, but so far none were interesting enough for a second date.
"It's not that many," she insisted.
"And how many bodies?" Leah asked Jasper, only semi joking.
"Mae is perfectly capable of disposing of them at the end of the night without any bloodshed," Jasper said proudly.
The idea of her running through men like blood bags at a hospital reminded her of Claire's comments at Quil's wedding. She'd scoffed at the girl for wanting to do the very thing she currently was. Great. This had to be karma.
"On that note, I have a midterm tomorrow, so I'm going to bed. I'll see you later," Mae said, waving to them and retreating to her bedroom. Sleep did not come quickly that night.
November
Mae strolled across the quad as she listened to her phone ring.
After the disastrous incident at Quil's wedding, she'd stopped taking Jacob's calls. She was simply too mortified. Then he'd stopped calling all together. Part of her reaching out today was to see if he'd answer.
"Hi, Nessie," he answered. There were the sounds of movement, and a door opening and closing from his end.
The fact that he did take her call gave her a sense of power. She'd inadvertently given him too much when she accidentally revealed her feelings that fateful day. This, her being the one to initiate contact between them, changed the dynamics.
Jacob had always been the one in control of their relationship. The one guiding it - always on his terms. And she'd been fine to go along with that. To put everything on him, and expect him to shoulder it with no help from her. Now, with this change, it felt like they each had some control. Balance had been restored, or finally established between them.
Funny how she never would have noticed the discrepancy if she'd not begun dating. She possessed a new comprehension of how people were supposed to interact. Because over the last few months, she'd witnessed the way others called her, then the frequency of calls went down until they eventually stopped altogether and the guy gave up on her when she didn't call them back. Of course, that was what she was hoping would happen with them after she said she didn't want to go out again, but it usually took them a bit to believe that she meant it.
"Hi, Jacob," she said. Hesitating to think of something to say now that they were actually talking. "Kyra's pregnant again," she announced, not having anything else.
"I heard. Quil's crazy, right?" he laughed, the sound relaxed, though quiet.
"Must be. I can't imagine juggling two babies and college," Mae admitted.
"Speaking of - how is college? I still can't believe you've started," Jacob said wonderingly.
"I have," Mae stated lightly, kicking at a pile of fresh snow. The powder exploded up before raining back down like a dusting of flour on a baker's table.
"Have you picked a major yet?"
"No. There's still time for that. I'm mostly making memories this year," she said, glossing over her activities.
"Leah may have mentioned something about that," Jacob acknowledged. His tone was carefully neutral. She didn't know how he felt about it, but if she had to guess, he was probably proud of her.
He knew she'd been looking forward to really living, which was precisely what she was doing. The idea that she wasn't letting her family hold her back or their opinions stop her probably thrilled him to no end.
"It snowed today. You should see this place. It looks like frosting," Mae said, kicking another pile that lined the sidewalk where the plow had gone through and pushed it aside. They'd gotten at least six inches.
"I miss snow," Jake grumbled. "The weather here is the same all year."
"We've got plenty here," Mae said, wondering if they'd get more this weekend like the news predicted. Bella had promised to go sledding with her on a nice sized hill near the house this afternoon when her last class ended. Maybe she could talk the others into coming too. Make it a competition.
"Hmm, I bet," he agreed, sounding distracted.
"Well, I'll think of you when Emmett has me trudging through several feet in the mountains this weekend, and you're busy sunning yourself on a beach," Mae offered.
"The hard work never ends," Jake bantered back, obviously assumed.
December
One a scale of one to ten, where does our date rank? I'm thinking six or higher and you should agree to let me take you out again. You can pick what we do next time.
Mae was contemplating the text, and her reply even as she listened to Bella and Seth talking in the family room.
"Leah's going to Seattle for Christmas this year, so I think Alice and I are going to stay with Mom and Charlie. You, Jazz, and Mae are welcome to come," he offered. They had final exams the next week, then two weeks of Christmas vacation.
She'd gotten home not too long ago from listening to a guest speaker giving a lecture on stem cell and CRISPR research that a guy, Chris, in her biology class invited her to attend with him. It was an interesting topic, and they'd grabbed dinner afterwards to talk about some of the moral, ethical, and practical implications of using the applications. He was extremely intelligent, and she'd appreciated having someone that could keep up with her in that regard. He was attractive too with a dry wit that made her laugh a number of times during the four hours they'd spent together.
"I'll have to check with the others, and Esme. I wouldn't want to abandon her for the holiday," Bella said, though temptation was plain to hear in her voice.
"She understands that Charlie's Christmases with you are limited, her's aren't," Seth said gently, speaking an uncomfortable truth they were both learning to accept. At least they had each other to relate to.
Mae read the text from Chris again. For the first time, she was actually considering trying a second date. The only hold up she had, was the kiss. It was only so-so. No noticeable sparks. His mouth had been open a little too wide, so their lips hadn't really matched up. It wasn't gross exactly, but it'd been a little too wet, and it'd almost felt like he was attempting to eat her face. Not the most attractive prospect. But maybe with a little practice…
"That's true. I would like to see him. He's not the best at talking on the phone. And I'm not much better," Bella admitted. Mae almost laughed, giving her eavesdropping away. Bella had a tendency to sit, and nod at remarks rather than actually respond. It made for a lot of awkward silences since the person on the other end couldn't see her actions and had nothing to build on. Charlie was the same way, so the two together were honestly hopeless.
A solid seven, she started to type, just as Seth revealed, "Jake was planning a surprise visit for this weekend."
Jacob was coming? He'd not -
"Was?" Bella asked tentatively, catching Seth's use of past tense that Mae hadn't registered.
"He's helping Natalie move in with him instead now," Seth confessed, sighing heavily.
Mae set her phone down, rediverting all of her attention to listening to the two in the other room. Living together. Wow, that was… just wow.
"Alice said they were serious," Bella acknowledged. Talk about understatement.
"That's putting it mildly," Seth quipped, unconsciously echoing her train of thought. "She doesn't want to interfere, but -"
"Good. She shouldn't. He's earned the right to live his life, and it's obviously a happy one," Bella interrupted.
Mae expected the news to hurt, but mostly she was just excited for Jake. He deserved to be happy with the person of his choice, just like her mother said. They were each in good places. Probably the best they'd ever each been in at the same time.
"But Alice -"
"I don't want to know. She can't see Jake, so whatever she saw couldn't involve him directly," Bella insisted, making it clear she didn't want to butt into his life and screw things up for him, or let Alice do it either. Seth gave an exasperated snort. "I take it that means Jacob won't be in La Push for Christmas either?" Bella asked, changing the subject before Seth could say anymore.
"He's going to Philly to spend it with Natalie's family since he spent Thanksgiving with his family," Seth said.
Mae watched absently as her fingers deleted the letters she'd typed, replacing them with, I had a great time, but we have finals then I'm spending Christmas with my dad in Alaska, so a second date would have to wait a while.
The kiss really was a deal breaker. No point in wasting her time when she already knew the passion and chemistry was lacking.
The talk of family inspired her to make her own plans for Christmas this year. Edward had declined Esme's request that he come to Wyoming, but Seth had said not five minutes ago that Leah wouldn't be with him either. Given the conversation she'd had with Edward before their move, she suspected there was more going on if Leah was spending the holiday away from him. Edward would be alone, and that just wouldn't do. They might be fighting more now as he resisted all signs and evidence of her growing up, but he was her dad and she loved him.
Almost at once, Chris's reply popped up on her screen.
I'll go ahead and take that as a no, you don't want to see me again. Feel free to correct me though if I've made a mistaken assumption.
She didn't reply. Ten minutes later, her phone dinged again.
That's what I thought. Merry Christmas, Mae.
This time Mae responded, politely letting him know she'd seen, and that they were on the same page. You too.
December
"Merry Christmas, Dad," Mae said, stepping out of the taxi she'd taken from the airport to the house Esme and Carlisle had owned while they all lived in Alaska. When they moved, Edward and Leah had moved in so the couple would have a little welcome privacy from the rest of the Denalis thanks to Edward's gift.
Edward had come outside when he heard the car approaching, and probably detected the tenor of her thoughts. Seeing him made her smile. Coming here had been the right choice. She'd make it up to Charlie and Sue another time for not being with the others this year.
"Renesmee?" he breathed, awe-stricken at the sight of his daughter standing so unexpectedly in front of him.
"Surprise. I didn't want you to be alone for the holiday, and I knew you'd not come to us," Mae said, shrugging like it was no big deal, but privately chastising him. Edward did enjoy his solitary wallowing and angsty brooding.
Edward's lips twitched, a self-mocking smile at the truth of her assessment.
"I was thinking of playing a little. Would you join me?" he requested, taking her bag and leading her inside.
Once seated at the piano bench, Mae shared the song she'd been working on, incorporating Edward's tweaks and suggestions, enjoying the language they'd always shared. She planned to use the song in a short video she was making for Emmett and Rosalie's anniversary.
When Edward played his latest piece for her, she knew instantly from the dark and anguished feel that it was about Leah. Her aunt had called a couple days prior to say that she'd decided to stop phasing. Currently, she was with Quil, helping look after Jay since Kyra was confined to bed rest after some complications with her pregnancy. Being around baby Jay made her long to start a family of her own. She'd said it was time.
"I didn't know she called you," Edward murmured, continuing to play, though far more stiffly.
"She thought she owed me an explanation," Mae admitted. She didn't think Leah should feel obligated, it was her life and she had to do what she needed to be happy, but Mae appreciated the thoughtfulness that motivated the call.
"I thought we'd have more time together," Edward said, barely audible. Mae wanted to hug him, but she suspected any physical contact would be unwelcome at that moment. Edward was about to break down, and he didn't want his daughter to witness it. He was too private to be so vulnerable in front of her.
"She wants a family. I get it," Mae acknowledged, trying not to dwell on the way it made her feel to think of Leah getting the chance to start a family.
Something about her thought was enough to freeze Edward's fingers. They hovered over the keys, motionless as a statue. His attention had strayed completely from his heartbreak to her dilemma.
"Have you spoken to Carlisle?" he asked carefully, uncertainty and pain making his voice thick.
What was the point? Her body didn't function normally. She'd stop aging in a little over a year - two at most. She'd never had a period. Certainly she'd be like the other women in her family. Children weren't in the cards for her - not that she wanted them now or anything. But it would have been nice to at least have the option someday. Her body seemed to have other ideas. It was a fact she just had to accept. Talking to Carlisle wouldn't fix her. She was what she was.
"This isn't about me. How are you doing? She still has her last semester to complete, right? Is she going to stay with you for it?" Mae asked, desperate to change the subject, and wanting to be sure Edward was all right.
"Discussing this with my daughter isn't something I feel comfortable doing," Edward said, resuming playing. At least he wasn't going to push the other topic. Sometimes it was helpful that he could read her mind, and therefore knew how adverse to the idea she'd been. Plus there was the whole old-fashioned bit. Edward was raised during a time when such topics weren't openly mentioned, let alone discussed. He didn't know how, and she was just fine with that.
"Mom has the same problem. Someday I hope we can be friends the way you and Carlisle are in addition to being father and daughter," Mae said pointedly, hoping that day would come sooner rather than later.
That was why she was closest to Jazz. He felt that need and responded. Bella and Edward couldn't separate their perceived roles in her life from how things had changed between them with each day she grew up.
The rest of her week stay was probably the best of her time in Alaska. At one point, she even convinced Edward to have an epic snowball fight with her. They erected fort walls and spent hours outside launching icy missiles at one another. It was the most she'd ever seen her father laugh. And it made her glad she'd made the decision to visit.
February
She was on her way home, from probably the worst date she had yet to go on. Nothing in particular stood out, except maybe when he mentioned that he had a record for dealing drugs. And a four-year-old son that he didn't see because his ex's parents had sole custody. Those were definitely red flags.
The guy had eventually picked up on the fact that she'd grown uncomfortable with him, and asked if she wanted to call it a night. They'd been at a concert for a band, if you could call what they were playing music, and were then trapped in a car for the hour drive back to campus from Cheyenne. It had redefined her definition of awkward.
Maybe Edward was at least partially correct, and she should know at least a few of the basics beforehand next time. They'd met at an art show, where the shirt and tie covered the full tattoo sleeves he had, so she was a little surprised to discover the other side to him at the concert. And to be fair, he was really polite and understanding when he offered to leave the show early.
But she still had to drive the rest of the way home after they finally arrived at her parked car. She debated between calling Nahuel and Jacob, just to hear a friendly voice before going to bed. In the end, it was an easy choice.
"Ness? Did something happen?" Jacob asked, clearly panicked. She glanced at the clock and winced. It was later than she'd realized. He'd probably woken from a dead sleep, and she knew he got up early to do his internship before going to classes in the afternoon.
Regret for her impulsive decision had her saying, "No. I was actually calling Papa - his name is Jasper on my phone. I just hit the wrong button."
"Why are you calling him at, what, nearly two in the morning your time? Where are you?" he asked, the concern had been replaced with genuine curiosity.
"Would you believe I was craving a late night snack? Hoped he'd order pizza for me when I get home from a review session," she tried, not really wanting to talk about her weird date.
"No," he said immediately. "Not for a second."
"I never get anything past you," Mae joked, enjoying that it was the truth no matter how much time passed between calls.
"You're a terrible liar. Blood would have been much more believable," Jacob suggested.
"I'll remember that for next time," Mae said lightly.
"Do you -"
Babe, what are you doing? Come back to bed, Natalie's sleepy voice sounded from the speaker.
"Be there in a bit," he said sharply, almost annoyed.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Mae said uncomfortably. It was hard to face evidence of the relationship he had with the perfect woman Mae had met. While she wanted Jacob happy, she didn't particularly like to think about the reason making him happy. Especially not in the context of her in his bed.
I can think of a few things I'd like to do to you if you're having trouble sleeping, Natalie offered seductively, attempting to entice him into joining her over continuing his conversation.
"Ness -"
"Bye, Jacob," she said, quickly disconnecting.
June
After Leah moved to California, Edward came to stay with Carlisle and Esme for a little over a month. He refused to stay longer because he didn't want to bring everyone down with his constantly morose mood. Not to mention the more frequent than necessary tiffs he and Mae were getting into whenever he weighed in on her social life. It made so much sense now why he'd wanted to stay behind and give her space. He was incapable of keeping his opinion to himself, and he always thought he knew best.
Mae heard Jazz telling Bella one night that while Edward was upset, he'd be able to move on one day. He'd spent most of his time with Leah mentally preparing for this eventuality. As a result, he'd never let himself love her as deeply as he was capable of loving her. The two heartbreaks, only a few years apart though, probably meant he'd be more cautious in the future unless someone managed to catch him off guard enough that he was hooked before he could create a protective barrier around his heart.
At least he was still willing to try again in the future.
The time with Edward was nice. She liked having all of her family close by, and she'd gotten pretty good at blocking her own thoughts when Bella wasn't around to shield her.
There was only one time she slipped, thinking Bella was shielding her when she hadn't been. The result was a fairly huge blow out.
She'd been texting Nahuel, asking, Have you ever been drunk before?
Not from alcohol, but the blood of a drunk human makes you rather enjoyably light-headed, he replied.
Really?
You should try it, he suggested.
What would that be like? It was an idea she'd toyed with before. Nahuel brought it up often enough that it was impossible not to truly consider. Fresh human blood. She'd never drunk straight from the vein. How much more potent would it be than blood bags? And with the added effects of getting buzzed…
Would it really be so wrong to try it? As he'd said before, she wasn't venomous. She could drink without killing. It couldn't be that hard to control herself. What if -
"Tell me I've misunderstood what Nahuel is suggesting you do," Edward demanded, deadly quiet as he pinned her in place with his eyes.
For half a second, Mae almost let it go, almost just said what he wanted to hear. She knew he was hurting over Leah's departure, and was itching for a fight to take out some of his helpless frustration. But she just couldn't let this go. If she did, he'd think he still had the right to boss her around in the future. Things were changing, and this was as good a time as any to make that clear to him.
"It's my choice," Mae said defiantly, practically daring him to tell her she couldn't. She loved her family, but she would not allow them to decide how she lived her life. This last year had taught her to stand up for and make choices on her own based on her desires - not theirs.
More, she knew each member of her family's history at this point. All of it - good and bad. She knew he'd rebelled against Carlisle. That he'd spent years actively hunting and killing humans. He might regret it now, but he'd be a hypocrite if he tried to stop her.
"I'm your father. It's my job to make sure you don't repeat my mistakes. And you better believe that I will stop you," Edward said fiercely, voice barely controlled.
"Edward!" Bella's shocked exclamation rang through the room as she hurried in, Jasper not even a half step behind, his body seeming to almost curl around Bella as they moved together, a single cohesive unit.
Immediately, a powerful wave of medical strength calm descended, blanketing the room. Mae rejected it as much as she could, resisting the drugging effect of the novocaine numbness despite seeing the distress on Jasper's face when he felt her anger and resentment directed at Edward.
"He wants her to drink human blood. He -"
"He isn't making me do anything. If I decide I want to hunt humans, then that will be my decision," Mae fired back, standing up to face off with Edward. She heard the others in the house moving about restlessly, but none interceded. This was for the immediate family only.
"No. Absolutely not. I forbid it," Edward declared.
"That's rich!" Mae hissed, glaring at him. He was so infuriating! So high-handed. She had a mind of her own. Why couldn't he respect her ability to use it?
"Don't, Edward. Remember last time," Jasper warned, his words cutting over hers.
"Bella, tell her she can't," Edward pleaded, turning agognized eyes onto her mother, searching for an ally.
For almost two full minutes, Bella remained silent, a debate warring across her face. Then she finally spoke, softly refusing, "I can't do that."
"You can't be all right with this. You've proven to all of us the power of determination, and the ease of resisting with the right willpower - there's no way she's less strong willed than you. This isn't an accident. She's choosing to make herself a monster," Edward insisted, horrified that she was willingly considering going down this path.
"I won't force my opinions and decisions on her. I hated when you tried to do the same to me," Bella elaborated.
But Edward had already turned from her, seeming to know she was a lost cause, despite not being able to read the depth of her conviction in her mind.
"Jasper, surely - seriously?" Edward began, but changed course once he realized he'd get no help from his brother either. "What did I expect, given your history," Edward said angrily, shaking his head and summarily dismissing Jasper.
"She has to figure it out for herself. Trust me. She can't commit to our way, not really, if it's not her choice," Jasper explained, trying to make Edward understand his and Bella's position. Seeing him defend her nearly wore her down. She knew that would not be his choice for her. If anything went wrong, she'd have to live with the guilt of taking a life. He'd never be all right with her experiencing that pain. "I will always support her."
"Carlisle allowed each of us that freedom - yourself included," Bella added. "Renesmee, I will always love you - no matter what you do. But I ask that you think of Charlie, Billy... Jacob," Bella said, pausing deliberately as she mentioned the wolf.
His name was like a slap in the face. Never would she willingly do something to hurt him. Never. And hunting humans would hurt him. Indirectly, yes, but he'd never look at her the same afterwards. Even if he didn't see her again for another hundred years. And that would kill her. Utterly destroy her.
"Everyone is someone's family… the same as they are to you. Just remember that," Bella said quietly. "The choice is always yours though - not either of your fathers' or mine."
It had been an abstract idea before, but not after the thought of someone taking advantage of Billy. He was such a proud man, even trapped in his chair. Of the hurt and betrayal Jacob would feel if she went down a path that made her his enemy. The very idea was repugnant to her.
Edward looked satisfied. He'd won, even if only by default.