Author's Note
Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!
PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(
Ch 10: Stepping up, it was bound to happen eventually - Jacob
Year 5 - 2010-2011
September
Aiden convinced Jacob that now that they were both college graduates, they needed to do something big to celebrate. They'd talked about doing a cross country road trip, but neither could take enough time off work to make it happen. The idea of surfing Mavericks up north in Half Moon Bay where the waves could get up to sixty feet high in the winter actually ended up being Seth's suggestion during his visit at the start of summer. Jacob was all for it. Aiden thought they should spend a few weekends practicing in the fall before attempting to tackle the real beasts that winter.
They'd driven up on Friday after work, taking turns to make the eight hour journey. There was a tent and a few coolers in the backseat. Supplies so they didn't have to rent a hotel and could be two of the first in the water Saturday morning. Sunday morning too. They figured they could get a good six or seven hours of surfing in before needing to go home on Sunday, and still get a full eight hours sleep before work on Monday. It was perfect.
Nat said they were crazy to willingly sleep outside on the ground. And she thought Jake had gone mental when he informed her what they'd be doing. She swore a person had to be suicidal to surf Mavericks. She just didn't understand the appeal of adrenaline inducing activities.
Saturday was incredible. Ten to fifteen foot waves all day long. Perfect curl. Nonstop rush and excellent practice.
That night, they roasted hotdogs and marshmallows over a fire on the beach. The familiarity of it caused a pang for home to twinge in his chest all evening. They were different times. Relaxed and easygoing. Not the buttoned-up suit and tie adult always on his best behavior to make a good impression that he'd become recently. It was refreshing.
"I'm thinking of getting my own place," Aiden said between bites.
"Why? Is Natalie over too much?" Jacob asked, worried he'd unintentionally broken some roommate etiquette.
"Naw, you know I like her. How can I mind watching her cook in that little robe she favors?" Aiden asked, smirking.
"Watch it," Jacob warned, knowing exactly how much that robe revealed whenever she moved too quickly.
"No, seriously though, she's great. It's nice that she always includes me, and I've definitely liked a few of her friends that she's set me up with this last year, but I've got a steady income now. I've been saving up. It's time to be an adult," Aiden said, skewering another hotdog and holding it over the crackling flames.
"Have you already found a place?" Jacob asked, pausing in the process of chewing the scalding food to ask. He could feel a blister forming on the roof of his mouth and healing completely before he even finished speaking.
"Um, no. I haven't even started looking. I wanted to make sure covering the full cost of rent wouldn't hurt you financially before I did anything," Aiden said, demonstrating precisely why Jacob liked him so much.
"I should be good," Jake said, mentally calculating his finances.
Since he'd begun dating Natalie, he was putting less away in his savings. The woman truly did love going out as many times a week as she possibly could, but his internship at Philips paid well, and since they were covering his tuition, that was one less bill he had to worry about, making it all a wash.
"You going to find another roommate then?" Aiden prodded.
"Probably not," Jacob admitted. Initially, when he first moved in, it'd been the only place available on short notice that he could afford. But now he was glad there were two bedrooms. He wouldn't mind having a guest room for his family when they visited. Maybe they'd visit more if they had somewhere free to stay.
"Hmm," Aiden hummed.
Jake waited, but Aiden didn't elaborate on whatever he was thinking about.
"Besides, I don't know if I'll stay in California after grad school and my year is up with Philips," Jacob revealed, confessing a desire he'd not previously vocalized to anyone. He only did so now because he wanted another's take on it.
"Seriously?" Aiden asked, staring at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah… " Jake said slowly, nodding. The idea forming more fully in his mind. It'd been lingering ever since Alice asked him to move to Wyoming. He didn't particularly want to move there, but he did want to be closer to his family again. He thought he just might be ready to return to La Push and not be haunted by Embry's ghost or Sam's chilling prediction.
"Have you mentioned this to Natalie yet?" Aiden asked cautiously.
"No," Jake chuckled. "It's still three years out, and I'm not fully decided."
"Don't wait too long. I have a feeling she'll have a lot to say on the subject," Aiden warned, shaking his head at Jacob almost pityingly.
"She could do PR in any city," Jacob argued.
"Not the kind she gets to do now. There's only one LA. Unless you were thinking about moving to New York City -"
"No. Definitely not," Jacob quickly refused, shuttering at the very thought of living in such a densely populated place. The idea made him feel claustrophobic. Then hesitantly, he asked, "You really think she might not want to move with me?"
He really wanted her to support this decision. He couldn't help but remember how willing Kyra had been when Quil asked if she'd ever consider moving closer to La Push. They weren't going to do anything until Quil finished school, but she'd not hesitated to agree. Her career as a nurse was easily transferable. The reservation wasn't. And Jacob was supposed to be taking over one of these days. If she was willing, Nat's career could be accommodated too. Would she ever consider it?
"She's used to a certain type of lifestyle. She relishes in it. But maybe - for you," Aiden allowed, but Jacob knew he didn't really believe she'd consider it.
Would it be so bad staying in SoCal? The idea of never moving back home, of taking over for his father, hurt. A broken arm. The idea of not rejoining the Cullens and reconnecting with Nessie and Bella was worse. A shattering of every rib - a shredded heart held together by a cold hand. And unfortunately, he knew precisely what that felt like.
"Where'd your mind just go? You look… like when we first met," Aiden said softly, studying him intently.
"Just remembering a friend. He… died. I wasn't there, but I can still feel what he must have gone through in his final moments," Jacob said, smiling bitterly at the secret truth of his words.
"That bad?" When he nodded, Aiden hesitantly said, "You've never mentioned him."
"It was my fault he died. I'm still trying to come to terms with the weight of that responsibility," Jacob admitted. He'd started coming to terms with the fact that he'd never fully be all right with the events of that day. But that they'd serve as a reminder to never make the same mistake again.
"I can relate to that."
"I know," Jacob said simply. It was what had drawn Jacob to Aiden in the first place.
"You left a lot of people that were important to you when you moved here," Aiden stated, and Jacob didn't know where he was going with the reminder, other than to point out a truth to Jacob.
"Yeah. I had to get out, but I don't want to stay gone forever," Jacob said, yearning to return home and reunite the scattered pieces of his past and future. "I really want to move home when I'm done here."
"Maybe she'll surprise you. Anything can happen in three years," Aiden said, all forced lightness.
"I guess we'll see," Jacob said, fearing this might be what Alice had been reluctant to share with him during his visit.
If Natalie refused, Jacob would have to give up his birthright. He'd have to live with knowing he was turning his back on his people, because he wanted a future with Natalie more than anything else in the world. Maybe it was true, you really couldn't have everything.
The next day, about an hour before they left, Aiden wiped out. His startled shout, "Fuck!" as he fell, was enough to have Jacob turning to watch him go under.
The nose of Jake's board turned with him, angling up and catching on the curled water. Just like that, Jacob was falling. Yanked really. Grabbed by the wave and slammed against a solid wall of water.
Snap!
The sound of his board breaking in two rent the air, louder than the roaring cascade of churning water.
Jacob tumbled through the swirling wave, turning within the current like he was trapped in a dryer with shoes. The broken pieces of his board rained blows on him repeatedly with each and every pass. The half tied to his ankle sliced across his thigh, leaving a trail of stinging fire in its wake, burning like so much fire thanks to the salty bath he was submerged in.
"Jake! Oh, man, I'm sorry," Aiden cried, running over as Jacob stood up in the shallow water to limp onto the beach. "Dude, your leg! Sit down."
Quickly, Jacob glanced down and saw the glove of thin red blood, watered down by the ocean, covering the length of his left leg. The wound was over a foot long running from near his hip and stopping just above his knee. His board shorts were in tatters, the wet pieces crumpled and sticking to the flowing blood coating his skin in a thick layer. He could see exposed muscle in the depths of the torn flesh.
As fast as he could, he covered the exposed gash, using the pressure from his hand to stem as much of the bleeding as possible. Then he bent down to rip off the cord still tying him to the destroyed remains of his board.
"It's fine. Just get our stuff and meet me at the car," Jacob said, staring at Aiden's concerned face intensely. Others on the beach were beginning to notice. He needed to get out of there before they got closer and were able to see his rapid healing. "It's just the water making it look worse than it is. Please, Aiden," Jacob begged.
"Uh, yeah. Okay," Aiden nodded, turning to run towards where their bag of snacks and towels were tossed on the beach. "We should get you to the hospital - that needs stitches," he called over his shoulder as he sprinted away.
Quickly as he could without drawing anymore unwelcome attention, Jacob raced to the car, gritting his teeth the entire way and hopping in the unlocked vehicle. Already the deeper tissue had knitted itself back together and the bleeding had slowed.
"All right, hospital," Aiden said, running up and throwing their stuff into the backseat before sliding in behind the wheel. "Where - Holy shit," Aiden breathed, gapping at Jacob.
Jacob had grabbed one of the extra towels from the backseat to mop up the majority of the thin, watery blood drying on his leg. The only evidence remaining of his injury, a six inch long cut that was barely bleeding.
"I told you it wasn't as bad as it looked," Jacob tried, already suspecting it was a useless attempt.
"Really? That's some bull shit, and you know it," Aiden accused, eyes never straying from Jacob's leg.
"I heal really fast?" he tried, seeing that the cut was now only a couple inches long and the bleeding had stopped altogether, just like when he'd cut his hand at Bella's years ago and all evidence had vanished just a minute later.
"Obviously," Aiden said drolly, a sarcastic spasm wrinkling his face as he spoke. "How?"
"I'm a werewolf," Jake said, going for it completely.
"Get out," Aiden said, head jerking up to grin at Jake. "This is awesome!" he cheered, not second guessing him at all. Maybe because he'd just watched a serious gash heal in a matter of minutes, providing ample proof to support his words, but still...
"Never had that reaction before," Jacob acknowledged, watching Aiden carefully, wondering if he'd pass out or start screaming. "You believe me?"
"I mean, you're going to have to show me next full moon, but I am literally watching that cut shrink as we sit here, so why wouldn't I?"
"I don't need a full moon, but let's go somewhere else - more private," Jacob suggested, gesturing to the open parking lot with the beach in sight and cliffs overlooking their car that meant anyone who wanted to could see them.
They drove for about an hour, then Aiden pulled off on the side of the road near a small grove of trees along the 101. Aiden just stared in amazement when Jacob phased, then slowly approached, asking, "You're not going to bite and infect me if I touch you, right?"
Jacob gave a bark of laughter, rolling his eyes slowly for Aiden to see.
"That is so weird, but I'll take it to mean you're harmless," Aiden said, scratching him behind the ear the way Ness used to, like he was a real dog. It felt strange, but he just curled his lips back a bit to show off his teeth. Harmless his ass. He could be a brutal monster - if there was a threat.
Afterwards, Aiden grilled him with the usual questions for the next couple hours. There were all the standard ones, but then he asked one Jacob hadn't been expecting.
"Does Natalie know about this?"
"You're kidding, right?" Jacob asked, giving him an incredulous look. Natalie hated superhero movies, and anything unrealistic in her opinion. Even though he'd finally reached the point that he trusted her enough to tell her, he now understood that she wouldn't react well to the revelation. Having her world views upended would be about as welcome as letting a puppy at her extensive collection of designer shoes and purses.
"You turn into a wolf, like a real life animal, and you haven't told your girlfriend of almost a year and a half," Aiden asked dryly, tearing his gaze from the road to give Jacob a pointed look.
"It's sort of a secret," Jacob offered, half shrugging.
"You don't trust her to keep it?"
"I trust her, but this is too important to risk - my people are counting on me," Jacob said solemnly. "And I know she wouldn't want to know - you know how she is about fantasy stuff."
"Yeah, you're probably right about that. But you don't see anything wrong with that? You really plan on spending your life lying to her?"
"It's not lying… exactly," Jacob refuted, shaking his head, then adding, "And I might not always be a wolf. Then it won't matter if I tell her, because there'll be nothing to tell." If she refused to move, then he'd have no reason to keep phasing.
"It's not fully committing either. It's not opening yourself up the way you should be," Aiden said, giving voice to the very thoughts Jacob had been struggling to rationalize ever since his friends' visit a few months earlier.
"I… can't," Jacob finally said, a little brokenly.
"You know I like Nat. She's great, but -"
"I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there. It's my life, and I lo- I'm with her," Jacob insisted.
"Sorry," Aiden said, biting back any other comments he wanted to make on the subject. "One more question though - for now at least - Seth and Alice know, don't they?"
"Seth is one too. And Alice… she's a vampire," Jacob revealed. He'd already explained about the relationship between wolves and vampires, and that veggie vamps were good, but he'd not mentioned specific names.
"Get out," Aiden exclaimed, repeating his earlier words when Jake admitted to being a werewolf. "Are fairies real too?"
"How would I know?" Jacob asked, laughing at the crazy question.
"Is Nessie something?" Aiden asked suddenly, catching Jaob off guard.
"She's Bella's daughter - half vampire," Jake said huskily.
"Like your Bella?" Aiden asked, clearly surprised.
"Bella's not mine - never was. We're just friends. That's it," Jacob denied quickly, not liking the idea of him and Bella being associated like that. A romantic connection between them at this point was almost repulsive. Like someone suggesting he date Rachel.
"Right. Forgot, touchy subject. Wow. Wait a second, I thought Seth said Nessie was starting college this fall," Aiden stated, confusion clear in his tone and written across his face.
"She is. She's approximately nineteen or so now thanks to her genetics," Jacob said, still unsettled by this fact. How much had she changed since he saw her at Quil's wedding a year ago.
"You got a picture? I can handle the strangeness," Aiden said, intrigued.
"She's off limits," Jacob growled, clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white as he fought back against the flash of anger that exploded within him. It was so unexpected. So violent, that he could feel the spasms racking his frame. What the hell? He'd not experienced such a blatant loss of control since he was sixteen.
"Oh, wow, Jake. Yeah, I get it," Aiden said cautiously, voice trembling slightly and swallowing audibly.
Jacob wasn't sure what Aiden had picked up on, but he could tell his reaction to his interest in Nessie had accidentally scared his best friend. Well, fuck.
October
Sundays were quickly becoming Jacob's favorite day of the week. It was the one day he spent catching up on homework, not going out, and being on the spot for Natalie's work, and it was the day he went running with his pack. Never would he have guessed, but six years after phasing for the first time, and he was actually starting to love it.
Leah was absent this weekend, because Edward had whisked her away for a romantic weekend surprise. So it was only the three guys.
Seth was thinking about Nessie. She was grinning, in shorts and a dark burgundy tank top with a messenger bag over her shoulder, talking to a couple other students. The entire picture seemed perfect. A typical college campus, and she fit right in.
How was that possible… Nessie was on a college campus - same as him…
She was supernaturally ordinary. Superior beauty, casual clothes. Laughing with a girl and a guy. Natural charisma surrounded her, spilling forth without effort.
I saw her on campus Friday for the first time, Seth thought.
I can't believe how much she's changed, Quil thought. Worry for the day his son would leave for college slipping into his thoughts, along with something else, but his thoughts shifted before Jacob could properly identify the train of thought.
Yeah...
The sight of her, separated by vast distance, the wind blowing her hair, reminded him of his mother's painting. He had ended up giving it to her for her birthday, after all.
She loves it, hung it in her bedroom that very day. Bella said she cried, but they were the good kind of tears girls do when they're happy. At least, I think they were.
Jacob had known she would appreciate the significance of the painting. He'd not realized, but even the girl in the painting's hair color was similar to Nessie's if under the right light. It made him happy to think of her admiring the work his mother had poured her heart into. A small piece of her that had lived on after death.
You're so lucky Alice can't cry - you'd be hopeless, Jake thought, knowing Alice was too happy these days to have a reason to cry even if she could. Seth's thoughts about their time together were miraculous to witness.
I just make a point not to make Kyra cry, Quil thought, a touch of impatience coloring his thoughts. He seemed to be bursting with news, and was annoyed no one had commented, and given him a reason to spill already.
Are you planning to share or do we need to guess? Jacob finally asked, providing the opening Quil pounced on even before Jacob had finished his question.
She's pregnant again! Almost two months along already. We agreed to wait to tell everyone, but I just can't keep the thoughts to myself any longer.
I'll tell her it was the pack mind's fault - not yours, Jacob promised.
They were planning to all have Thanksgiving together with their families in La Push this year. Paul had built a gazebo-like shelter behind the Black house over the summer that, with some heat lamps for the human members, should be large enough and comfortable for pack family gatherings any time of year. Well over a dozen people, and one vampire would be there for this first occasion. More, if Sam's pack members and their families accepted the invitations Jacob had extended.
It had been Jacob's suggestion, and the others all ran with it, making arrangements and helping plan everything. The idea was to bring everyone together three or four times a year, no matter where in the world they were currently living. A family reunion sort of thing, only quarterly instead of annually. To remind everyone of where they came from, and the people most important to them.
Jacob felt guilty not inviting Natalie, but he'd picked Thanksgiving for the first gathering deliberately since he knew she'd be in London visiting her sister. He wanted to make sure everyone could keep their mouth's shut about the wolf thing before he brought her. It wasn't a secret he wanted her knowing. His conversation and revelation to Aiden had only cemented that desire.
November
"What's got you so deep in thought today?" Nat asked, coming up behind him to drape her arms around him and rest her chin on his shoulder. He tilted his head until their cheeks touched.
He'd just gotten home from the Thanksgiving gathering in La Push. It had been incredible to be around everyone, but without any of the Cullens aside from Alice, he couldn't help but feel like it'd been incomplete. Jake missed all of them, so much more than words could express. Even Blondie.
"I'm thinking of visiting Nessie in Wyoming. The whole family just moved there, remember? It'd be nice to catch up with everyone," he said, trying to decide if he should take the whole day Friday off and leave Thursday night or just fly up Friday after lunch. The idea of playing in the snow and running through the mountains had stuck with him since Ness called a couple weeks earlier.
"You're going to see her? When were you planning on doing that?" she asked, dropping a kiss on his neck, then nipping the lobe of his ear. He loved when she was playful like that. These days it usually meant he could talk her into skipping going out, and they could stay in and have a bit of fun in bed instead.
"The weekend before Christmas," he replied, knowing he'd not have school then, and it'd be the best time. Plus, a visit might be a nice Christmas surprise.
"Oh," Nat said, thoroughly disappointed. Her tone surprised him. She usually encouraged him to go back home and visit his friends and family. Though Billy's continued disapproval meant she'd stopped joining him, and yesterday she'd informed him she didn't wish to in the future either.
His dad made her too uncomfortable. That had been a solid, unexpected blow, but he couldn't really blame her. They'd visited his dad again over fall break, and Billy had been just as frosty and standoffish as he'd been before Quil's wedding. And now Natalie was over trying to win his approval.
Their undisguised animosity was why he'd put off discussing a potential move with her. How was he supposed to convince her to move there one day when she'd forever feel unwelcome? He just needed to figure out a new approach to convincing her before he brought it up. Or get Billy to apologize. Unlikely. He still called Edward "That Bloodsucking Leech". Not even Jacob found the energy to continue his tirade against Nessie's father.
"Why? What's wrong with that?" he asked, turning his face more to see her.
"I was sort of hoping I could get you to help me move that weekend. Take advantage of my boyfriend's many, many strong, manly muscles," she said teasingingly, running her hands over his arms then down his chest to trace those aforementioned muscles. His breath caught when her clever fingers journeyed lower to stroke his rapidly hardening member through his pants.
"You're moving?" he gasped, distracted when she continued to rub him.
"I mentioned my lease was up, and I think it's time I move a little closer. This hour commute through downtown San Diego is killing me - especially when it's been months since I spent more than one night at a time in my place," she said, peppering kisses along the column of his neck.
"Why don't you just move in with me? We're always together anyways," he said. She usually stayed with him four or five nights a week. The only time she didn't was when he had exams or projects for work and needed to focus.
He presented the offer without much forethought, but it did seem logical. Her abrupt stillness indicated she was a little thrown. They'd not discussed the possibility before. Not even when Aiden moved out a little over a month ago.
"Do you mean it? Have you even ever lived with a girlfriend before?" she asked cautiously. He scooted his chair back, and tugged her to sit on his lap. She went easily, wrapping her arms around his neck again, and squirming a bit when she felt the evidence of her earlier efforts to arouse him pressing into her bottom.
"You know you're my first serious relationship. But I mean it, you should," he said, liking the idea more as he thought about them taking the next step.
Her lips pressed together, holding back a smile even as her eyes rapidly scanned his face, searching for any hesitation or uncertainty on his part. "I don't know. I don't want you to feel like you have to ask just because I brought up moving," she said tentatively, though she nearly vibrated with excitement.
"That's not it. I want you here - with me. Always," he vowed, making her breath catch.
"If you're sure, then yes," she agreed, nodding eagerly, swinging her leg over his lap until she was straddling him. "I love you, Jake."
"You too, Nat."
February
Considering Jacob had grown up living in a house smaller than his apartment with two older sisters, he'd really not expected to have to go through such a huge adjustment period after Natalie moved in.
She'd officially been living with him for five weeks. Unofficially, since the day he'd asked her to move in. Slowly. So slowly he barely noticed the invasion, her possessions began taking over his space.
And she had a lot of possessions.
Seriously, like a department store's worth of possessions. Because who needed twenty-nine purses? Or one hundred and eight pairs of heels?
Her apartment had been bigger, so he'd not really noticed the few times he'd stayed there, but he certainly did when they took up the vast majority of his place. His bedroom suite was moved into Aiden's old room to act as a guest bedroom, and hers took the place of his. It was much more feminine than he was comfortable with, white and floral with lace, but it made her happy, so he didn't argue.
His desk was also replaced with a vanity table that spilled over into an extra set of drawers next to it, and into the bathroom where every available surface was covered in makeup, hair products, lotions, flat irons and curling rods. He'd never realized the extent of her collection, since she usually brought two or three bags over each week, and he'd since learned that she kept others in the trunk of her car because she hadn't wanted to overwhelm him.
His closet was also entirely emptied to make room for her wardrobe. The sheer amount of clothes and shoes she had would make even Alice weep with envy. They'd ended up needing to use the guest bedroom closet too just so everything had a place.
Then there was the way some of his things vanished altogether. Like his favorite chair. Apparently it clashed with the furniture she'd brought, and disrupted the flow of the room. The new sofa wasn't very comfortable either, but she said that was fine because they'd have an excuse to spend more time in bed instead of watching television. He couldn't really argue with that point either. Particularly since he didn't have time for television as it was.
Sunday runs became harder to make. She seemed to think since he lived so much closer to where they usually spent their nights out at, that they could stay out even later on Saturdays, then Sunday mornings they could sleep in and have brunch with friends.
There were other differences too. When she'd been a guest, she'd been great about doing any dishes she accumulated while staying with him. He'd always insisted she was free to help herself, and she had, but then she'd clean up afterwards no questions asked. Now she just left the mess for him to take care of once he got tired of waiting for her to do it. Same with her trash. There were these fruity water drinks she liked, and he'd find the empty cans all over the house from where she'd finish them and leave them in whichever room she was in instead of throwing them away.
Honestly, it wasn't just the dishes and trash. It was cleaning of any sort. At one point, she suggested they hire someone to come by once a week. He'd said it was a waste of money since they were capable of doing it themselves. Her only reply was to offer to pay for it herself if he didn't want to, indicating she'd completely missed the point.
Other little things changed too. Television shows they'd never watched together before - suddenly he was expected not just to watch, but pay attention to and offer comments and feedback about. Luckily, she didn't watch very much TV, but it cut into the time he'd ordinarily be studying, so he ended up spending more nights in the campus library than he had throughout all of his undergrad years put together.
Her presence dominated his life, and consumed his every waking moment. Not necessarily in a bad way, more she was just constantly at the forefront of his mind, and it was different than he'd expected it to be. Not necessarily better or worse, just… different.
March
Natalie was sitting on the couch when he came inside. She looked furious. For the first time since the day he'd met her and she hit his car, she looked downright pissed off, temper ignited and burning hotter every second that passed. A firecracker ready to explode.
It was after two in the morning, and he was exhausted. He had two midterms the next day, well later that day now, as well as a project he was supposed to present at work that Friday.
"You didn't even call," she accused, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at him.
He knew she'd been expecting him to attend an event her label was hosting, but he'd already told her multiple times that he needed to study, and that he couldn't. He was tired of running on no sleep, and sacrificing his future by not getting his work done because he was always doing the same thing - her thing.
"I sent a text. I was in the library, and they don't allow phone calls," Jacob explained, just wanting to go to bed and have this over with. It was the first time they'd ever really fought, and he just didn't have the energy to get into it right now. But now that they were living together, there was no way to postpone the inevitable. Awesome.
"You couldn't go outside for five minutes so we could talk about it?" she demanded, incredulous.
Yeah, that was true. But he'd deliberately chosen not to, since he knew she would beg him to come for at least a few minutes, which would inevitably turn into three hours or more when she convinced him to stay out with her. Using her tried and true excuse that she needed him. It had happened enough times to know the end of that story. Jake always had trouble saying no to her. A fact she knew and routinely took advantage of.
"You know I need to ace my exam tom - today. I need to bump my grade up after the last test," he said tersely, gritting his teeth to keep from saying more.
Not that he wanted to place blame, but this was precisely why he'd avoided talking to her earlier. This exam was too important because she'd called and begged him to come meet her the night before his last test in this class. Going to her had meant he'd not reviewed as thoroughly as he typically did. Then, once he got there, she'd begged him to stay just a little bit longer so many times, that he'd been too tired when they finally got home for him to get through all of the material. By the time he'd eventually fallen into bed, he'd almost overslept and missed the test entirely. That exam earned him his first C in college - a grade reflected in his current grade for the class. Not a fact he was proud of, and something he hoped to remedy in a few hours.
"I bet you would have if Mae had called," she said, temper fizzling out.
This was a new issue that had started coming up since the previous month when he'd taken Nessie's call in the middle of the night. Never had Natalie displayed a hint of jealousy - she'd never had a reason to! No man had ever thrown Natalie over for another, or even considered cheating on her. But lately, she'd started acting like he talked to Ness all the time, rather than the three total conversations they'd had in the last year. For a grand sum total of about thirteen minutes.
"Actually, no I'd have texted a single word - busy - or I'd have ignored it altogether. I've told you that she and I barely speak. I'm getting a little tired of repeating myself," Jacob snapped, letting his own temper spark just enough to make her back off.
"If you didn't want to go, you could have just told me beforehand," she whispered, seeming to deflate. All of her remaining ire flowing away as she recalled the events he'd thought but not voiced as well as his ongoing reassurances.
It didn't seem to occur to her that he had told her that very thing - several times.
At first he'd been excited to do something new with her each night. Now, almost two years later, he realized the parties all blended together, and weren't really different at all. They never did normal things. The kind of things he used to do with his friends back home. The kind of things he was interested in. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd gotten to work on a car or bike - not since before he quit his job at the auto shop to start his internship. Instead, it was always an extravagant show he had to feign interest in.
As soon as he decided to fess up about not really enjoying going to parties with her all the time, he noticed how wounded she looked. Her eyes were hollow like so much shattered glass that pierced his heart. Guilt was a dark pit, weighing heavily in his gut. She looked a bit like a broken doll, abandoned in favor of a new toy. It wasn't until that moment that he realized that having him attend the events meant so much to her. Did she need his support to shine as brightly as she did? If so, it was a small sacrifice to make. Anything to keep her from looking so utterly devastated.
"I'm sorry. I'll try to call and let you know if I can't make it in the future," he apologized, torn between meaning it, and just wanting to get some sleep. Sometimes it was just easier to say what she wanted to hear.
May
Jacob wasn't expecting anyone, so the knock on his door startled him. He heard the muffled sounds of someone crying before he reached the door, and by the time he opened it, he'd recognized the scent of his visitor.
Leah.
She looked awful. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was tangled and in need of a good brushing. There were two bags and a suitcase beside her. It took about three seconds before Jacob had his arms around her, and she was sobbing against his shoulder, her entire frame shaking from the force of her despair.
Jacob was actually rather startled that she allowed him to hug her. It was a familiarity she'd never allowed or initiated in the past. But she'd looked so distraught that he'd reacted on instinct. Brotherly concern for her tore at him.
Eventually, Leah stumbled through an explanation of why she was there. "You know how I spent Christmas with Quil?" she asked.
She'd gone to help Quil with Jay since Kyra was stuck in bed and couldn't do anything without endangering the health of her second child. Kyra had given birth to a healthy baby girl two weeks earlier.
"I want that," Leah whispered, saying the words the same way one might confess to committing murder.
"Uh, I don't follow," Jake said, thinking it over and not understanding.
"I want a family. Seeing them - I don't want to wait. I love Edward, I do. But it's not enough," Leah explained, and Jacob suddenly understood.
"You're going to quit phasing," he said, stunned.
"I've been trying since Christmas. It's not working," she groaned. He remembered the time he'd gone a few weeks without shifting. The pain had gotten worse and worse until he'd ended up shifting in his apartment just to make it stop.
It explained why Leah had been avoiding everyone for months. Just before Christmas was the last time she'd shared a mind with any of them. Most of them were too busy to shift anytime except Sunday. Real life was a bitch at times. Seth was the only one that spent any significant time as a wolf outside of that day, but even he didn't get to phase as often as he probably wanted to thanks to school and his work at the hospital.
"Because you're living with vampires, constantly surrounded, and your instincts are clamoring at you to keep the gene active," Jacob realized, assuming it would have made things so much more difficult for her.
"You nailed it. And… I think I need your help to do it," she muttered, resenting having to admit she needed help. She was too independent and self-sufficient for that to go over well.
"You think being around your alpha will help you control it?" he guessed, not adding that she probably had nowhere else to go either.
She couldn't stay in Denali surrounded by vampires. Seth lived with vampires as well. And Sue was where Sam was. Leah's ex with his newly pregnant wife. Not exactly a recipe for maintaining an even temper. The one thing needed to prevent unintentional phasing.
"I hope so. I waited until I graduated, but yes, I'd like your help," Leah said quietly, the words only seeming to stick in her mouth a little.
Jacob didn't mind. He wanted to help her. Leah was family. Pack. Their ties ran deep, and if he could do anything to guide her during this transitional time, then he would.
"Guess we should get you settled into the guest room then," Jacob said, grabbing her bags and heading down the hallway.
"I know this is a huge favor to ask," Jacob said, taking Nat's hands in his own, urging her to understand. He'd just explained that Leah was moving to California after graduating and breaking up with her long term boyfriend. And he'd followed that up with asking if Nat minded Leah staying with them until she was on her feet. "We just moved in together, the two of us. But she's important to me, and I need to be there for her."
"She's like a sister to you, right?" Natalie confirmed, hinting at her newly developed jealous side.
"Closer than my real sisters," he admitted, scanning her face to see if her decision was made. It seemed to be, but he couldn't tell which way she was leaning.
"Then of course she should stay here," she finally said, smiling indulgently at him. "Family is the most important thing in the world. You should always be there for yours," she added, squeezing his fingers reassuringly.
"Have I told you lately how much you mean to me?" he asked, deadly serious.
"It wouldn't hurt for you to tell me again," she said flirtatiously, tugging him towards the bedroom as she walked backwards so as to keep looking at him. "I wouldn't say no if you wanted to show me either," she added, guiding his hand between her thighs, and encouraging him to slip it beneath her short mini dress.
The next three hours were spent worshiping her in every way imaginable for being the most understanding girlfriend in the world.
May
Aiden let himself inside, not even pausing as he moved to throw himself facedown on the couch. Jacob had insisted that he keep his key after moving out.
"Rough day?" Jake asked, noticing how Leah stiffened at the interruption, and quickly wiped her face.
Jacob had taken the day off, calling in sick to work and emailing his professor that he wasn't feeling well. Then the two of them had spent the whole day coming up with a plan for Leah and discussing her decision to leave Edward.
He'd talked to Billy, and learned that the members of the last pack had all been wolves for well over a decade before they'd made the decision to stop, and it had still been a struggle. Leah was only at the six year mark. There weren't any instructions on how to stop, and when he'd broken down and called Sam, all the other wolf could say was that he'd heard it required absolute calm and emotional control. Not exactly breaking news, but at least the conversation went well. No arguing at least.
It was at least a place to start.
The most shocking part of the conversation wasn't Sam's relief that it wasn't Jacob attempting to quit, but when Sam asked for Jacob's help once they had it figured out. Jacob already knew Paul was hoping to quit, considering Rachel five years older than him before he phased, and now the gap had just continued growing. But Sam said Jared wanted to quit as well. Ever since his injury, Kim was worried that he'd make it worse running around on it in wolf form or get dragged into another fight where she could lose him altogether.
Jacob suspected Sam desired to quit as well, but wouldn't, knowing it would leave either Brady or Colin having to give up their college plans to take over and look after Jax and Nicky. They were so young that Sam's body probably would force him to keep phasing the way Leah's did just to protect them. Jacob would offer to take them, even without Sam asking, but they didn't know him, and it probably wouldn't work with the distance if they didn't have a bond in place beforehand. They'd just revert back to Sam's pack.
"No. Yes. Work is just, eh. I'm starting to think I should have stayed and goten my Masters like you instead of accepting -" he said, the words muffled by the pillow he was talking into until he turned and broke off, having caught sight of Leah.
"Aiden, Leah. Leah, Aiden," Jacob said, waving between them for introductions.
"Hi," Leah said, short and clipped. Not the angry bark of her past, but not really up to meeting someone new and being social after her six hour long cryfest.
And still Aiden just stared at her, a little slack-jawed. Leah huffed, and retreated to the bathroom where Jacob could hear the sink turn on. Probably to wash the last traces of her tears away or try to reduce the red puffiness ringing her eyes.
"Did all that sea air rot your brain or did the waves wash the damaged cells away?" Jacob asked dryly.
"You're funny," Aiden said sarcastically.
"And you're being a creeper," Jacob remarked, wondering what Aiden was about making Leah uncomfortable the way he had.
"Why have I not met her before? Dude, she is seriously hot. The hottest - I mean smokin'," Aiden said, surprising Jake.
Objectively, he'd once thought so too. But years of conditioning himself not to see Leah as a woman lest he be subject to her claws made it hard to remember. Particularly after she'd been crying for hours on end.
"Hmph." The derisive snort sounded from the bathroom, not the least amused.
"She can hear you. Every word you're saying," Jacob warned.
"Good. Then she'll know I'm not using a bad pick up line when I ask her out in a minute," Aiden said, sitting up and grinning. "Does that mean she's like you? Because wow, really freakin' cool."
"Yes, but look - Leah just got out of a serious relationship," Jacob said, worried his friend was getting ahead of himself. Leah was in no place to welcome romantic advances, and she could be downright cruel at times when getting her point across. He wouldn't want to subject Aiden to that side of her.
"I'd risk being a rebound for her," Aiden said, undaunted. "Put in a good word for me, please," he begged so earnestly, Jacob actually considered doing just that. Knowing both of them, and their relationship histories, he could actually see them being good for each other.
Just, not anytime soon.
"You have no idea what you're in for," Jacob said slowly, nodding as he decided the idea had potential. Eventually.
"The answer's no!" Leah cried out from the bathroom, sounding completely appalled that Jacob had agreed.
"I can be patient. She'll change her mind."
"Once she sees how lovable you are?" Jacob asked, thinking he might just be able to win her over once she got to know him. Aiden was hard not to like. Certainly more appealing than Edward. And the two had much more in common.
"Exactly. Why was - never mind, I'll wait for her to tell me," he decided, probably wondering why Leah had been upset.
"Good luck, man. You're going to need it," Jacob offered. "But give her a bit a time before you start your campaign, yeah?"
"Sure, man," Aiden said, grinning in a way that let Jake know he had no intention of waiting before he started trying to win her over.
July
Leah's presence had Jacob reevaluating his life. He'd gone back and forth a number of times over the last year on what he wanted his future to look like. At this point he had two more years in California. And at times he thought he could be happy staying there. Possibly quit phasing and grow old with Natalie. But most of the time, he longed to return to La Push, or at the very least move closer.
And his wolf, the one he used to resent… he finally acknowledged he couldn't part with it. Helping Leah gave him a sense of purpose. One that was vitally important. A piece settling into place in his very soul. He was born to be alpha to a pack. Finally, he wanted the position.
After weeks of contemplating, Jacob finally broke down and called Sam, beginning to make the necessary arrangements for a transfer of leadership of both the tribe and Sam's pack. Sam was relieved. As Jake had suspected, Sam was more than ready to step down, and willing to wait the two years until Jacob moved back.
"I have to ask you something - about our future together," Jacob began nervously that night over dinner. He and Nat were at a fairly nice restaurant. Jake had hoped the settling would soften her up a bit to the idea he was about to spring on her.
"The future, hmm. Yes," Natalie said distinctly, grinning excitedly, and glancing around. She sat up straighter and reached for his hand. Okay, this might go better than he'd anticipated. He'd been worried she wouldn't want to talk about moving at all. "Yes, Jake," she repeated, adding another breathy, "yes."
"Natalie, I know we're talking distant future, about two years from now, but this is something we should discuss now," Jacob began, squeezing her fingers.
"What?" she asked, smile slipping from her face as it scrunched up in confusion and… pain… disappointment? But that didn't make any sense. "What are you talking about?" she demanded.
"Oh, sorry, I guess I didn't say. Where I want to live and work after I'm done at Philips," Jacob clarified.
"Well that's easy. You'll work for Tesla and we'll live here," Natalie announced flippantly, tossing her wild curls over her shoulder and crossing her arm over her chest. Her lofty expression did little to mask her sudden displeasure.
"Actually, I want to move back to the reservation. La Push, or at least close by. Maybe closer to Seattle so you could commute and do PR where there are more opportunities for you," he explained, having tried to take her preferences into account. Seattle had a decent music scene, and he could take the longer commute if it made her happy.
"No. That's ridiculous," she refused, shaking her head and pressing her lips together until they resembled an angry slash across her normally beautiful face. That would not be how he described it at the moment.
"Excuse me?" Jacob said, startled by her reaction.
"You like cars, so that's what you'll do, and my career is here. It's not that difficult or complicated to work out," she said dismissively.
Reaching out, she picked up her wine glass, and proceeded to drink the entire glass. There was none of the dainty sipping she usually displayed. No. This was full on chugging. And when she was finished, she even lifted her slender arm into the air to catch the waiter's attention then pointed meaningfully at her glass.
Her reaction reminded Jacob of Aiden's warning from months ago that Natalie enjoyed her life a certain way, and wouldn't want anything to change. He'd hoped that two years together would count for something, and they could at least have a conversation about this, but apparently not.
"My tribe, my people - the ones I am supposed to be leading - are in Washington. I have obligations to them, and I want to fulfil them," Jake said quietly, wishing she would understand where he was coming from. But since she'd only been there twice, and wasn't really welcomed either time, she had no desire to have anything to do with that part of his life, and didn't understand its significance and importance to him.
"Are you sure that's the only thing motivating you?" she asked, the question rich with implications and suggesting he had ulterior motives.
"Yes," he replied. He was confused enough to ask, "What else would be?"
"This is bullshit. Moving back would be throwing your future away and making me give up my dreams," she hissed, glaring at him, and proceeding to guzzle down the fresh glass of wine the server placed on the table. "I should have known tonight wasn't - ergh!"
Never had Jacob seen her like this. Well, okay, there was that one time she'd gone off on a colleague for poaching a client and making her look bad in front of her boss. But that he understood. This seemed like a complete overreaction to the suggestion of leaving California in a few years.
More than that, the dismissal she demonstrated over his heritage, a history he was extraordinarily proud to be a part of, wounded him deeply. He wasn't sure he could get past her attitude and unwillingness to consider alternative possibilities for their future. She wasn't even willing to have a conversation. She was just dictating what she expected their future to look like.
"If that's really how you feel, maybe we should end things now," Jacob said thickly, emotion welling up in his throat. This was not what he wanted, but what other option was there?
Nat instantly startled, her mouth dropping open, and her head began to automatically shake in the negative. He could see her backpedaling, the conversation replaying in her mind in reverse. All the ways it went wrong making her flinch.
"Jake… don't say that, please," Natalie begged, tears forming in her eyes, pooling in the corner then spilling over to streak freely down her face.
It was strange to think that they went over a year of being together without ever once having an argument or fight. Now they couldn't even seem to go a month without some sort of blowout. That had to mean something. He wasn't just reading into things.
"Clearly we envision different futures. There's no point in trying to make this work if you can't even respect the things that are important to me to have a conversation," he said dully, mechanically. Already he could feel his resolve crumpling in the face of her distress. Hurting her brutally wrung his insides. They tied themselves into tighter knots with each tear he traced the path of.
"Don't say that. Please," she repeated shakily, grabbing both of his hands. "Just, wait. A lot can change in two years. We have time, just don't end things because I overreacted. You caught me off guard - this is not the direction I thought you were taking tonight, and you have to admit this is a little out of left field. We love each other. Don't throw away what we have," she continued, gripping his hands tighter, emotion lacing through her plea.
"I just don't see -"
"Please, I'm sorry," she said, taking in a raspy, broken inhalation. It seemed to stick in her constricted throat, and her shoulders shook. "It's another two years. That's plenty of time to come around."
"If you're sure," he caved, unable to continue being the cause of her heartbreak. Even as he said the words, he felt his shoulders slump, rounding forward under the weight of this ill fated choice. It was only prolonging the inevitable.
"Yes. I love you," Natalie said, her tears already coming slower now that he'd given in.
"I'm not sure love is enough to make things work when the people involved are too different, and want different things," Jacob said hollowly.
"You're wrong. You'll see," Nat insisted, offering a watery smile before excusing herself to the bathroom to repair her face.