Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

Jake and Natalie's theme song is I Was Wrong by Sleeperstar, and his and Mae's theme song is Let Her Go by Passenger.

PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Ch 12: Reality, or why the future doesn't quite hold up - Jacob

Year 6 - 2011-2012

July

It was only a little after five in the morning. Leah and Jacob were on their way to the beach where one of the guys Jacob routinely surfed with held morning yoga classes. The lesson began before the sun was fully up for the day, and concluded shortly after it peaked over the horizon. Donny, the beach bum moonlighting as a yoga instructor, claimed it was the only way to start the day off right.

It didn't hurt that Jacob would be able to help Leah with this, and still be on time to work each day. A win, win in his book.

"You really think sitting and breathing is the best use of our time? I'm twenty-five. I know how to fucking breathe," Leah griped.

She'd been grouchy for days. They'd gone camping the weekend before last - he'd needed some space after his fight with Natalie over potentially moving one day. He and Leah had tried hiking, hoping a little physical exertion and the serenity of nature would help her relax, but she'd picked a fight that ended up with her losing her shit and exploding into a furry grey beast.

It was actually sort of fascinating. Though, he supposed, not from Leah's perspective. Leah's temper had been even and under control for years now. Not once since before Nessie was born had she unwillingly phased. Yet now, when she was trying to quit, she couldn't go more than a week or two without the change seemingly forced upon her.

"Breathe in, breath out. What fucking bull shit," she continued to grumble.

Leah might be able to breathe, but she didn't seem to know how to relax. She'd become tenser with each passing day. Almost like her body knew what she was attempting and was determined to resist it. Must be genetics and some sort of survival of the fittest thing going on.

"You're in a good mood today," Jacob remarked dryly, unable to refrain from commenting. Natalie had put him off every time he tried to bring up their conversation at the restaurant, deliberately changing the subject and pretending that nothing had changed.

While Jacob felt like everything had changed, and he doubted they could ever go back.

"Go fuck yourself," Leah sneered. Perfect. She was in rare bitch mode today. It was too early for this, and he'd yet to have any morning coffee.

He was about to reply, when he saw it. The underlying fear that this wouldn't work. It reminded Jacob of how much she needed him right now. Another second passed, before he figured he could try a little humor. Straightforward hadn't worked, and as the camping trip proved, instructing her to stay calm and relax had the complete opposite effect.

"Why would I do that when I can fuck Nat instead?" he joked, watching her closely to see the impact his words had on the hair trigger she was riding.

"Yet another reason I'm wound so tight," she groaned, burying her face in her hands.

Huh. He'd not considered that. Sex was good for stress relief, and Leah was in the market for a rebound after Edward.

For half a second, he debated asking about Edward, but the goal was to destress, not make it worse. And the joke did at least get her to focus on something besides the fact that her body was betraying her.

Another second passed, as he considered and hesitated before making a suggestion. He figured she'd bite his head off for putting it where it didn't belong, but he'd promised to help her through this, and he might actually have a solution to this problem at least.

"Aiden's more than willing if you need it," he said quietly. His friend was still determined to get Leah to give him a chance. Plus he already knew her secret, so she wouldn't have to lie or worry about being secretive - one less thing to stress over.

"Tell me you're not seriously pimping me out to your friend," Leah hissed darkly.

"No! It's more the other way around. You know he's attracted to you," Jake reminded her. Aiden had been asking her out every few days since she moved there. "But more, he knows what you are, and understands the situation. He could help, and he wouldn't expect anything from you," Jake added, making it clear Aiden was game for a no strings attached fling if that was what Leah wanted.

She shot him a furious glare. Slowly, it morphed into a pained grimace.

"If it gets any worse, I'll think about it," she conceded, not the least bit gracefully, but at least she was willing to consider a few options to help manage the situation.

Yoga was… interesting. Jacob actually managed to make Leah laugh a few times. He wasn't really good at moving his body the way Donny demonstrated he should be contorting it. The first time he'd tipped over Leah had released a derisive snort. By the third time, she'd let loose a genuine laugh. It was the first time since she'd moved there that he'd heard the sound.

"Is it any better?" Jacob asked afterwards, watching as Leah seemed to take stock and mental inventory of her body.

"Yes," Leah admitted, sounding nearly stunned as she ran her hands over her arms. "This is the first time in days that it hasn't felt like pins and needles were constantly pricking my skin or like I was being electrocuted," she relayed.

"And you didn't want to come," Jacob said smugly.

"Don't gloat, Jake. It's so unattractive, and I'd hate to have to kick your ass and ruin all that was just accomplished," she said with a dirty look.

October

The week before fall break they had a guest staying with them. Talk about bad timing. The last thing they needed was someone stirring things up when they were finally moving past their rough patch.

Jacob didn't particularly like Nat's sister, Madeline - Mad. Her nickname was just too fitting for him not to laugh at. Mad was always mad about something. Cranky, opinionated, exacting, high-strung, control-freak. All of that came to mind when he thought of Nat's older sister. The same older sister that Jacob had repeatedly heard tell Nat that she could do better - and that was before she'd even met him.

Mad had visited three times in the last couple years, and Jacob was sorry to say, but that was three times too many. Nat hated that he wouldn't try harder with her sister, but Jacob didn't see the point. Her mind was made up from the moment she heard he worked as a mechanic when Nat first met him. He wasn't going to pretend to be something he wasn't just to make her not turn her nose up. And besides, she lived half a world away. Plus, it wasn't like Billy had ever come around to liking her. That's just how families were sometimes.

The first couple days weren't bad. Not fun, but her usual animosity was set to simmering instead of boiling. It was on Thursday, three days before she was scheduled to return home, when he stopped in to change for work after yoga, that things came to a head.

"You're hiding something," she accused, standing in the doorway to the bathroom with her arms crossed, blocking his way.

"I'm really not," Jacob said dryly, in no mood to deal with her and risk being late to work because she was determined to pick a fight.

"I don't believe you," she said, shifting into his path when he went to move around her.

"Okay," he said, giving her a look that said both that he thought she was crazy, and that he could care less what she had to say.

"Do you even care that you're hurting my sister? She followed you a few days ago just to see if you really are doing yoga," Mad announced, stunning Jacob so much he actually retreated a step back into the bathroom, his back hitting the edge of the porcelain sink. "That's why I came - to check on her when I heard she thought you and Leah were carrying on behind her back, and to give you a piece of my mind."

"She followed me?" he asked, incredulous. The idea of her doing that… he didn't really know how to process the information. His stomach turned just thinking about it.

Jacob had never given her any reason to doubt him. Never cheated or spent time with girls, aside from Leah, without Nat present, and she knew Leah was like a sister. Never carried on texts or secretive phone conversations - not even with Nessie. But despite that, she'd become increasingly jealous over the last year. It didn't make any sense. Nearly every fight they had could be traced back, and found to be rooted in jealousy. Soul rotting, vine strangling, jealousy.

It had altered Natalie so much that there was no denying the fact that they were growing apart, and Jacob was slowly falling out of love with her. He still loved her, but he didn't know for certain that he was still in love with her - an important distinction. The reasons they'd worked so well in the beginning no longer seemed to hold true. They'd both changed so much.

"That's how paranoid you've made her by spending all of your time with this other woman that you've brought into her home," Mad continued, acting as if they hadn't had problems beforehand, or that Natalie hadn't been on board before Jacob invited Leah to stay in his apartment. Leah was still in the process of saving up for her own place. San Diego was an expensive place to live, and she didn't make much.

"She knows it's not like that between Leah and me," Jacob denied, crossing his arms to hide the way his hands were shaking at the accusation. He wished he was dressed for this confrontation. Wearing nothing but a towel left him at a distinct disadvantage, and he longed for armor in the form of pants and a shirt.

"Then why did your little friend call her and mention something about it?" Mad demanded.

"Little friend?" Jacob echoed, clueless.

"The special one," Mad said meaningfully, with wide eyes and a head tilt full of attitude.

"Alice?" Jacob guessed, stunned. "Alice called Natalie? But why? No, she wouldn't," he said, floundering to follow the conversation.

It didn't make any sense. There were so many times that Jacob had seen evidence that Alice didn't ordinarily meddle. Like when Emmett failed to get the correct anniversary gift for Rosalie. Or when Carlisle canceled on Esme, ruining the special plans she'd made so that he voluntarily be on call at the hospital instead. So many times when just a few words would make things smoother, or save a family member an unintentional hurt. Except she didn't. The only time she ever did was at Edward's behest or if someone's safety was jeopardized. The rest of the time she let everyone live their own lives. Let them make mistakes they could learn from naturally. Let them be themselves rather than her puppets.

So why would she treat him like a puppet? Why was she manipulating and actively attempting to destroy his relationship? What did she know that he didn't? How many times had Alice called? Was that the real reason Natalie was acting so jealous?

"Are you saying she lied? What reason would she have to do that?" Madeline asked doubtfully. Her entire demeanor screamed that she considered him lowlife trash unworthy of her sister.

Jacob hardly noticed, too caught up in what game Alice was playing. "I… "

"Exactly. She wouldn't," Mad said smugly, looking supremely satisfied. "So why are you hurting my sister?"

Jacob surveyed Madeline, a trickle of doubt surfacing as he took in her slight smile. Natalie never had a problem standing up for herself, and she'd always been straightforward with him. Mad was a different story. He wouldn't put it past her to make that story up just to cause more problems than they already had - anything to break them up. Which would really suck now that things were finally getting good again between him and Nat.

"I really don't think this is any of your business. If Nat has a problem, she knows she can talk to me," he said, stepping into her personal space and glaring at her until she moved aside and allowed him to pass.

"I can't wait for her to wake up and realize you're all wrong for her," Mad called as Jacob slammed the door to his bedroom in her face. "You'll never be good enough!" she shouted from the hall.

He couldn't wait for the meddlesome, bitchy woman to leave.

October

The week after Madeline left, Jacob tried to talk to Natalie. He needed to know if she really had followed him or believed he was cheating on her with Leah of all people. If it was true, well… he didn't know, but they needed to discuss what led to that and figure out if their relationship was worth salvaging at this point.

"Can we talk?" he asked, after dinner that night. Leah was out at the moment, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity given the privacy her absence afforded.

"You found out, didn't you?" she said at once, deflating. "I knew I should have come back home to get my agenda yesterday," she grumbled.

"Uh," he tried, not following her train of thought. What did her agenda have to do with not trusting him?

"Please don't tell me you can't that weekend. I've been planning this for weeks, and... " she began quickly while pulling her hair up into a messy bun with slinky curls sticking out everywhere. As she tied a band around the mass, she caught the wavering confusion no doubt contorting his face, and trailed off. "And you don't know what I'm talking about. Which means I'm the one spoiling the surprise," she surmised, frowning.

"What surprise?"

"A weekend getaway. Fly up to San Francisco. Go to a haunted house, since I know you love them so much, then head to a little bed and breakfast for the rest of the weekend - no parties or events, just us."

Last year, Natalie had refused, point blank, to go to the haunted house with Aiden and Jake. Adrenaline and fear were not her thing. She was incapable of finding humor in how ridiculous and cheesy most of it came across looking. But this year she was willing to try - for him. He was touched by the sacrifice on her part and the thoughtfulness of the gesture.

"That sounds really romantic," Jacob said, recognizing what a concession it was on her part to devote an entire weekend to doing things he enjoyed instead of dragging him along to her stuff. She'd done it several times that first year they were together, but over time, it happened less and less often.

"It's why Mad was here. I asked for her help planning this since I knew Aiden would tell you if I asked for his help. I know I've been difficult lately. I thought this would be a good way to apologize, and get back to basics between us," Natalie said hopefully, reaching over to place a hand on his cheek. Her skin was always so cool. He shivered at the contact. "You always do so much for me, and I wanted to do something for you for a change to show you how much I appreciate all of your support."

"Apologize for what?" Jacob questioned, wondering if it had to do with what Mad told him.

"Jake, I love you so much. I can't imagine losing you," she began, pausing to swallow. Her eyes danced over his, drinking his expression in. "But sometimes it feels like there's this whole other side of you that you're willing to share with Leah, and not me. It hurt, and I got jealous, and it's made me act like the worst version of myself - bitchy and whiny. Then it was even worse after Alice called to tell me about Billy asking Mae to come stay with him since I know he'd never want to spend time with me like that.

"I know I should have just talked to you. Explained how I was feeling… but I guess I was scared. Terrified really, that I was right and you don't want me anymore, and that bringing it up would mean driving you away. I didn't mean to be so insecure. We're committed to each other. I should have had more faith in you. I owe it to you. And it's not your fault that your family wishes you were with someone else," she added the last almost as an afterthought. So it wasn't Alice, it was Billy that was really the problem. He'd have to talk to his dad again. It was time for Billy to let up on Nat.

"The more I thought about it though," Nat continued, "the more it's starting to make sense. It's not that you're sharing with her instead of me. It's that you're being a good friend and supporting her through a difficult time. The fact that you're so selfless, just makes me love you more."

Not a word about following him. Maybe she really hadn't. Or she had, but what did it matter? After hearing her mention the side he kept hidden from her, well… he didn't have any room to get mad. She was right. It was his fault she'd felt insecure in the first place. Because he'd never shared his secrets.

"Natalie… " Jake said softly, privately wondering if this was the moment. The where where he either told her, and it cemented their future together if she handled it well. Eventually, he'd quit phasing and they'd grow old together. Or the one where they ended things because their foundation of trust wasn't as solid as it should have been. A house built on an eroding beach, destined to fall prey to the insistent waves.

Hesitation froze his lips partially open.

He was months away from finishing his Master's degree. He'd put so much work into earning it. If she didn't handle the news well, he'd have to drop everything and move the same way the Cullens did. He'd have to start all over from scratch.

That wasn't a risk he could take. Not now. Not yet.

"And now that I've just poured my heart out to you, you don't know where to start," Natalie said, leaning over to bury her face against his chest. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"Not really, no," he admitted.

"Let's start with next weekend. Will you let me take you away? Show you all the reasons I love you, and why we're perfect for each other. Show you how sorry I am to have doubted you, and that I have every intention of making sure you know I love you for the rest of your life," Natalie murmured, tilting her head to kiss his neck, even as her fingers sought out the waistband of his pants.

"Yes. That sounds perfect," he said, groaning when her hand wrapped around him, firmly stroking his length.

"Yeah? You forgive me then?" she asked, leaning back and revealing her knowing smirk.

"There's nothing to forgive," he said, knowing he was equally to blame for where they stood.

November

Yoga seemed to do the trick for Leah. The only problem was that peace and relief that occurred post workout didn't last for more than a couple of days. After that first time Leah had cornered Jacob in the kitchen about three days later, anxious over the rapid return of tension, fearing the abrupt coiling of muscles and stinging skin. They'd gone back for another session the very next morning. Since then, they'd developed a routine of going every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, with the occasional Monday or Wednesday thrown in there for good measure when her skin started itching uncomfortably. The frequency of their sessions made it easier for him to understand how Nat might have gotten the wrong impressions before.

The fact that out-of-control feeling still happened to Leah fairly regularly, meant the process of quitting was probably one that took several years to fully take hold. There were no signs as of yet that Leah's body was willing to let her stop.

Today was the eight week mark for Leah. Two whole months without phasing. Considering she'd started trying to quit nearly a year ago now, this was a pretty big accomplishment. There were a couple times that she'd accidentally shifted, even after they started doing yoga, but she seemed to have a handle on it now.

They were on their way to breakfast, having just finished their morning session, and since it was Saturday, Jacob didn't have to rush off to work or class. He'd be glad to graduate this coming spring. One less commitment to keep and one less demand on his time.

"Something is different about you today," Jacob said, suddenly realizing Leah was smiling. And that she'd been smiling all morning, with genuine happiness even.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Leah dismissed, but the tips of her mouth stubbornly refused to turn down.

"No, really. You -" Jacob began, but broke off when Leah flushed a deep scarlet, ducking her head. Instantly he knew what the difference was. She'd taken care of her sexual frustration. A continual source of tension that had made this transition that much harder for her.

"Look, Jake, it was a good suggestion. Don't make a big thing of it," Leah said, keeping her eyes averted, but her smile had returned in full force at the mere mention of what she'd gotten up to.

Jacob's slow brain caught up to what she was suggesting. Aiden. She'd gone to Aiden. Made sense. He'd been persistently asking her out for about five months now. Leah wasn't hung up on Edward anymore, having processed the end of their relationship before even moving to California, and came to terms with what had been inevitable from the start given her desires. He'd suspected that engaging in the physical act probably would help her keep a tighter leash on her temper. It was the reason he'd suggested it before.

"So it was just sex?"

"Yep," she said, her blush deepening, and offering evidence to the contrary.

"You didn't break him did you?" Jacob asked, suddenly concerned for Aiden's well-being. Leah was still significantly stronger.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny," Leah said tonelessly, pinning him with a medusa stare.

They'd just ordered from a little cafe that boasted enormous omelettes and delicious fresh fruit smoothies, and Jacob was hearing about Leah's new job when his phone rang.

"Hey, Babe, where are you?" Nat asked when he answered.

The rosy glow that had surrounded their relationship in its infancy had rekindled, burning brighter than ever lately. The Halloween trip did wonders to repair things. Jacob was glad he'd never opened up about the fights they'd had to any of his friends, and that he'd successfully kept it from his thoughts. Jacob would rather not deal with outsider influences, particularly since it had resolved itself. Yoga was improving his mental strength as well as Leah's. It was easier letting go of his doubts when he didn't have others weighing in and voicing their opinions.

Even Leah was largely oblivious to their issues, and she lived with them. Natalie was good at keeping up a ruse that completely masked her feelings when she wanted to.

"Leah and I stopped to get some food after yoga," he said lightly, taking a sip of the strawberry banana smoothie the server placed on his table.

"Oh," Nat said, the single soft sound strained, instantly alerting Jacob that something was wrong.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I made breakfast. I was going to surprise you since you've been spending so much time with Leah lately. I made enough for her too," Nat admitted, and he could picture her staring at the mess she'd made of the kitchen, and all the effort being for nothing.

"Shit, Nat. I'm sorry. I should have called," he apologized, appreciating her effort.

She'd never made breakfast for him. While she could cook, it wasn't something she did often. Especially not after they moved in together. Her mom had raised her to stay out of the kitchen, insisting it would only lead to getting trapped in the gender roles of the past. Natalie's place was out in the world pursuing her career - not being a housewife. Learning that, made Jacob see the challenges they'd faced after first moving in together in a whole new light.

"Why don't you come join us?" he suggested. He'd made the offer before, but she always refused, insisting this was his time with his friend, and she didn't want to intrude. After inviting her for over a month and having her decline every time, he'd given up trying. But maybe things would be different since their trip.

"It's fine. You're… "

"You're mad, aren't you," Jake stated after she trailed off.

"Not mad. Not really. I just miss you. You spend every free moment with her lately, and you're already stretched thin between work and grad school. It's just disappointing," Nat admitted. She wasn't wrong either. Instantly, Jacob knew he needed to make up for this.

"How about I take you out to dinner tonight - just the two of us. We can -"

"I have to work tonight. You forgot, didn't you? You said you'd come to Z's opening," she said, and Jacob heard pots banging and clattering as she probably tossed them into the sink.

"Right, yeah. I remember," Jake said quickly, not fooling anyone. "But I'm talking before that. We could go out to eat first," he added quickly, coming up with the plan on the spot.

"I have some work I need to do at the office. We can try to go out if I get done in time," Nat said, taking a slow, audible breath.

"Natalie," Jake started.

"I'll come meet you guys - if you're sure you don't mind," Nat said haltingly, the concession really a question.

"No! Not at all. That'd be great," Jacob insisted quickly, excited by the new turn. He rattled off their location and glanced over to find Leah staring at him. Her every thought was written across her face.

"I want to go grab some flowers, and have them by the time she gets here," Jacob said, nodding towards a convenience shop down the road. Leah opened her mouth to share her unwelcome thoughts, but Jacob forestalled her, commanding, "Don't."

But of course Leah ignored him, saying, "If you're this serious about being with her, just tell her the truth."

"I don't think it'd be a good idea given her career," Jacob hedged. All the reasons he'd ever come up with for not telling her still held true, but that was the easiest one.

"You've been with her going on three years. If you don't trust her, you should end things now." Leah said seriously. If she only knew he'd already tried, and somehow here he was almost half a year later, grateful it hadn't actually happened.

"I trust her, but if I stop phasing, what's the point of telling her, and risking it?" After their trip, the idea seemed to have more merit. It was a future he could picture again. The two of them growing old together.

Things were subtly different after that weekend they took. It reminded him that for a long time, Natalie was the only one he thought of. And he did have feelings for her. Strong ones. Ones that could sustain him for the rest of his life if he let them consume him as they wanted to.

"You're planning to stop phasing?" Leah demanded, her jaw going slack as she stared at him almost… horrified by the idea.

"I don't want to watch her grow old and die while I'm perpetually twenty-five," Jacob said.

Of course, this was assuming she really did come around and was willing to move to Washington with him as she'd said she would. He could take over for a decade or so, then step down when someone else was ready to step up, or once the other wolves stopped phasing as well. Seth would be fine on his own, and might someday be in a position where he could lead future generations since he intended to phase for the rest of forever.

"What about the pack? The tribe? I thought you were hoping to go back," Leah said, revealing so much more than she realized with that comment.

"Aiden told you? So much for just sex," Jacob accussed, turning the tables on her. Aiden was the only person he'd discussed that with, having needed an unbiased opinion and person to bounce ideas off of. Well, aside from a call to Sam to make the suggestion months ago. And Jake knew Leah hadn't been in contact with him.

"After everything you did to make sure Mae would be around forever… and now… now you're planning on dying. Have you told her yet?" Leah demanded.

Honestly, he couldn't even remember the last time they spoke. He'd not called on her birthday this year, just sent a note with his gift instead since she'd stopped taking his calls after Quil's wedding. When had she last called? Oh wait, that's right, it was that night last winter when she'd called in the middle of the night. They were fast approaching the one year mark.

"I'm not making any decisions right now," he said, voice thick at the idea of never being a part of her life again. But if he wasn't, why would he want to keep phasing?

"You owe her at least the opportunity to weigh in," Leah stated flatly when Jacob stood to go grab flowers.

December

"Rebecca? This is a surprise," Jacob said, answering his elder sister's call.

"It shouldn't be. Or did you forget that you wanted me to check into those dates?" she asked, giving him a hard time.

Shit. Rebecca was right. His head had been all over the place for weeks now.

Before Leah brought up Nessie, he'd been thinking about surprising Nat with a trip to Hawaii for New Years since her birthday was in a few days, and he'd wanted to check that they could stay with Rebecca.

For one, he missed his sister. And second, the trip around Halloween made him realize that Natalie was always the one to plan romantic weekend getaways for them. He wanted to do something similar for her to show he cared.

But then Leah brought up Nessie, and her getting a say in his future, and it had messed with his head.

"I didn't forget. I just figured you'd email or text them unless you planned to cancel," Jacob tried, going so far as to chuckle softly to sell his explanation.

"I'd be hurt if I didn't know better, but don't forget - I'm the deceptive one that taught you all my tricks growing up," she said, unabashedly calling him out.

"Okay, you caught me. I forgot," he admitted, laughing outright this time.

"Some romantic you've turned out to be," she huffed, and he could imagine her shaking her head at him.

"I've had other things on my mind lately, sorry," he said a bit defensively.

"All the more reason you should come for a visit. Hawaii is the best place to vacation, and rekindle a dying spark," she replied. Jake wouldn't classify his relationship as a dying spark - those were likely Rachel's words, but it probably would be a good way to assess where it was going. Weren't vacations supposed to indicate long term compatibility? They'd been on them before, but this seemed different somehow.

"Plus, I haven't seen you in person for nine years," Jacob said pointedly, reminding his sister that she'd refused to come home since the week after she'd graduated high school.

"I still look just like Rachel," she said flippantly.

"Not the same, Sis," Jacob said more seriously.

There'd been a time when Jacob had been closer to Rebecca than Rachel. But that was before their mom died. After that happened, Rebecca started acting out, while Jacob seemed to grow up overnight in order to help take care of Billy. Rachel helped a little for those first couple years, but then she left for school, and Jacob took over everything. Now, at least for the last few years, Rachel was the one primarily caring for Billy, but she had Paul's help, and she was in a better place, so she didn't mind like she had back in high school.

All she replied was, "Those days work. I'll see you then."

Two days later, Jacob left the printed receipt for the airline tickets on Natalie's pillow, and he waited for her to find them when she got out of the shower.

"Jake - are we… did you… Hawaii, seriously!" she squealed, coming out of the bedroom, holding the wrinkled paper clutched in her hand. She launched herself at him, jumping to throw her arms around his neck the second she was close enough.

"Good birthday surprise then?" he asked, laughing at her enthusiasm.

Witnessing her joy, made him more eager and excited than he'd expected to be for the vacation. It was wonderful to see the fire back in her eyes. He'd not realized how much it had already dimmed again in the last few months until that very moment.

January

"I'm actually surprised you wanted to visit an island given your phobia of water," Jacob teased while they lounged on a beach the morning after New Years.

Natalie had overindulged when they went out the night before, and was nursing a killer hangover that morning. They'd opted to lay out, and relax on the private beach behind the hotel that Rebecca worked as a maid at rather than do anything more involved until after her head hurt less.

"It's Hawaii," Nat said simply.

He didn't know what that meant, and asked frankly, "Yeah? And?"

It wasn't like she'd go surfing or snorkeling or swim with dolphins or participate in any of the traditional tourist things. And hiking in the rainforest to see waterfalls and colorful birds was definitely out.

"It's a romantic getaway - the first one you've ever planned for us. This is a big deal," Natalie said, giving Jacob a look like she wanted to pat his head for being such a simpleton.

"Yeah, I guess our weekend getaways and meeting the family haven't really counted," he said, having thought something similarly when arranging things for this.

Natalie just smiled and went back to messing with her tablet. Jacob suspected she was editing and posting pictures from their night out.

Later that afternoon, Jacob and Rebecca were strolling past all the shops near the beach in Honolulu when Rebecca shocked him by asking, "When are you going to put a ring on it?"

"Excuse me?" Jake sputtered, the random question sending his head spinning through the streets only narrowing missing getting run over by the speeding cars.

"If you don't do it soon, she won't stick around," Rebecca warned, giving Jake a concerned look. Wait, she was telling Jake that he needed to propose to Natalie? Already?

"There's no rush, she knows we aren't there yet. We haven't been together that long," Jacob refuted, feeling the way his face had pinched in distress at the curve ball his sister had just hit him with.

Rebecca shook her head, stepping to the side of the walkway, and turning to face him. When Jacob remained a frozen statue, she grabbed his arm and tried to haul him out of the way of the annoyed people forced to go around him. Like a mindless puppet, he allowed her to reposition him. He blinked, staring vacantly at her once she released his arm.

"Nearly three years. Trust me, she was expecting it to happen on this trip," Rebecca explained, clearly concerned by Jacob's abrupt stupor.

"No… " Jacob denied, shaking his head slowly.

Natalie hadn't thought that was what he'd had planned for this trip. Things had been really good again since Halloween, but they'd only been back on track a couple months. She wouldn't take that to mean they were ready for marriage. Would she?

"You're seriously clueless. She's probably been expecting it for a while - since you moved in together, I'd wager," Rebecca insisted, letting him in a little bit to the secret inner workings of the female mind. It was seriously a convoluted and terrifying place. "What's holding you back? Rachel said there was someone else, but I can't imagine someone better giving you the time of day, let alone anyone else saying yes," Rebecca prodded, half teasing and half genuinely curious.

"Married… that's… like… " Jacob started, unable to form a coherent sentence, and honestly a little horrified by the idea.

"What adults do, Jacob," Rebecca supplied, rolling her eyes. No wonder she got married on a whim. She had yet to grasp the enormity of making such a commitment.

For all the times he'd imagined a future with Natalie, he'd never thought of them being married for it. Somehow that seemed like a glaring oversight. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Welcome to being a grown up," Rebecca said, bumping his shoulder playfully. Concern lingered in her eyes as she continued to watch him, but it was quickly fading. She no longer really knew him, and she'd never been one to dwell on unpleasant things, preferring to ignore them until the problem resolved itself on its own. In her mind, she'd just helped clarify things for him rather than spot a serious flaw in his carefully laid plans.

"Scary," Jacob said, nodding along, and starting to walk with her again. "I'm not sure I'm ready for all that," he admitted. Truthfully, he was positive he wasn't. Maybe in five or ten years. Probably more like fifteen or twenty years - if ever. Marriage just wasn't on his radar, and he wasn't sure it was something he'd ever want.

"Just think about it," she encouraged. "Look, I couldn't get off work tonight, but seriously think about it, and I'll meet you guys when I get off later tonight." They were close to the hotel, and she nudged him towards the entrance of a jewelry shop, suggesting, "At least go in and look around. See if something catches your attention, and makes the idea a little more appealing to you."

Like a zombie, he entered the store, walking around the near empty place, and glancing in the various display cases without really seeing any of the fancy, glittering pieces on show.

He was brought up short at the sight of one in particular. It alone was visible to him. A beautiful, delicate ring made entirely of pearls. They circled the band with a larger central luminescent orb sitting atop the band. The primary pearl, too, was circled with tiny pearls like little shimmering drops. It was so unusual. He'd never seen another like it, and at the sight of the pearls, a long forgotten memory floated to the surface of his mind.

"Renesmee," Jasper had said. Jacob remembered listening as he spoke to Bella with such obvious devotion to both women. "I hope you don't mind. I've taken to calling her Mae. I'd forgotten, but your daughter's name reminded me. I had a little sister - before I was turned. She was only eight when I left for war. Her name was Margaret, but we all called her Mae. It's a good southern name for the perfect mix between a lady and a little spitfire. I'm certain that's what she'll be. Besides, it means pearl, and she already has perfect little pearly white teeth," Jazz explained.

Jacob stared at the ring in a trance.

"Looking for a less traditional engagement ring? She must be extraordinary to warrant something special and unique," an elderly man said, coming to stand behind the case as he addressed Jacob.

"Oh, no… I'm not… I just - I saw it, and… " he tried, but gave up trying to explain why he'd been drawn to the one ring in particular.

It definitely wouldn't suit Natalie. She'd want a traditional diamond engagement ring if he ever did propose. The bigger the better. Tiffany's too. It'd have to come in a little blue box for her to be satisfied. That would take at least a year to save up for if he did intend to propose to her.

"Hmm. Pearls are the stones of sincerity. Fitting for your one true love. This also has an eternity band. A promise that your love will withstand the test of time, and all the challenges you must overcome to endure forever," the man said quietly, pulling the ring out of the case.

Jacob's head shot up suddenly at the peculiar words. They were so unexpectedly fitting. As if the man knew more than he should.

Without pausing to overthink, Jacob said, "I'll take it."

The entire walk back to his sister's, he tried to work out why he'd made the impulsive purchase. There were no answers, no reasoning to be found. He'd quickly hidden the forbidden item in his bag, determined to put the entire incident from his mind once it was out of sight, then joined Natalie for a late lunch. She'd spent the day shopping, and was bubbling over with happiness at all the little treasures she'd discovered. After lunch, he'd gone surfing with Solomon while they waited for Rebecca to get off work.

Jacob liked Solomon, and was glad to see his sister so happy. Solomon was perfect for her free spirit, and it was easy to see that he had helped her heal after moving away from La Push. Once, she'd been rebellious and wild, now she appeared settled and content.

The time away had been as good for her as it had been for Jacob. The difference was, Jacob was ready to return now that the tattered bits of his soul had well and truly mended.

April

Jacob's final semester before graduating was a whirlwind of activity. Things with Nat were the best they'd ever been. She'd been a little off the first couple days after they returned from Hawaii, but that passed quickly. It gave credence to his sister's words that she'd been expecting a proposal, and was disappointed that it hadn't happened.

Unfortunately, Jacob had little time to think too much on the subject. He was too busy juggling work, school, and continuing to help Leah while also attempting to maintain some semblance of a social life with Aiden, Leah and Nat.

By April, Leah had gone over six months without phasing. Yet there were no signs that she'd begun aging, meaning Leah's period hadn't returned, but it was progress regardless.

Jacob could still remember when that monthly visitor first stopped after Leah initially phased, and her fear of being pregnant. It had been awkward, not just for the fact that they were teenage boys that weren't mature enough to have a conversation about periods, but because Sam had been with Emily for almost a year at that point. And Sam was the only guy Leah had ever been with. It wasn't hard to figure out that Sam had slept with Leah at least once at some point just recently before she phased. Not one among the pack had ever mentioned it, but they all knew Sam had cheated on Emily with Leah, and that it was a large part of why she had such a hard time with Sam choosing his imprint over her. The fact Emily was Leah's cousin and best friend was just icing on the cake.

Knowledge of Sam's indiscretion, and the fact Jacob had respected him enough not to rub it in his face, when Sam hadn't shown the same courtesy, had played a heavy role in damaging Jacob's fragile mental state after Embry's death. No one was perfect. But Sam had implied Jacob would inevitably wrong Nessie, when really it had just been Sam projecting. Years later, Jacob could finally see the truth for himself.

Jake had always wondered if Sam only chose Emily out of guilt over hurting her when he mauled her face. He'd seen enough in Sam's head to know Sam loved Leah more, at least for that first year.

That had been another reason Leah struggled. She was all too aware of the fact as well. Jacob was certain no one had ever told Emily, but he wondered if she knew or at least suspected. Witnessing Nat's irrational jealousy over the last year made him positive she must have. What a tough position to be in. For everyone involved.

At least Leah seemed to be in a healthy relationship now. One with a potential future at that. She'd continued having sex with Aiden, and it had slowly deepened, developing into more. She'd allowed herself to lean on him whenever Jacob was unavailable. Then at the beginning of the year, she'd finally admitted they were dating and that it wasn't just sex.

It wasn't even that much of a surprise when Seth showed up at the start of April to help Leah move out of Jacob's apartment, and into Aiden's.

Alice had stayed with the rest of the family, not wanting to accidentally trigger Leah and force her to start the whole process over with. They were working with the assumption that once Leah started aging again, she'd be fine to be around vampires without losing control the same as Billy and the other Quileute elders were. Hopefully, that was the case considering her brother lived with vamps, and her stepsister was one.

At least, that was Alice's excuse. Jacob thought it might just be a convenient way to continue avoiding him. He'd been calling her randomly ever since Mad's visit, but Alice was ducking his calls. Seth swore he didn't know anything, that it was all Alice and Edward. Then he'd finally told Jake that all Alice would say on the subject was that Jacob would find out when the time was right, and that everything she did was in his best interests and less painful for everyone involved.

At one point during Seth's trip, they'd taken a road trip to El Dorado National Forest and gone running together, enjoying actually getting to while in the same place. In the process, Seth had replayed a scene from a camping trip the family had taken during spring break the month prior.

The sight of Nessie, clearly grown up was burned into his brain. Seth's only comment at the time was, She's stopped aging.

Jacob tried not to think of her, knowing it wasn't right, except he couldn't shake what he saw. She was so different. He'd seen her in Seth's mind before, but never like this.

Seth sensed Jacob's reluctant fascination, and rather than stating the obvious, he let memories from the week play out in his head. For hours, Jacob felt like he was right there with the Cullen family - enjoying the outdoors and laughing at the same jokes while he and Seth ran through the woods.

Afterwards, the feelings the thoughts had invoked upset him more than he expected.

This was different even from when he saw Ness at the wedding. Now it was clear that she didn't just look old enough. The fact that she was dating was proof that she actually was all grown up, and she was breathtaking. He already knew firsthand that her kindness and intelligence rivaled her looks. Nessie had it all going for her.

But because fate had a cruel sense of humor, she was not for him.

Story of his life.

May

Day's after Jacob graduated, Seth called. "She's going to spend the entire summer with him - just the two of them," Seth said urgently, speaking so fast that Jacob had to repeat the words over again in his head. Except, that didn't help. He was still lost.

"What are you talking about?"

"Mae… and Nahuel," Seth warned, tone regretful and hesitant.

"So… so that's happening?" Jacob questioned, the acknowledgement driving a knife into his heart and turning it into so much mush.

"Not yet. There's still time," Seth began, and Jacob knew he planned to say more, but Jacob cut in before he could.

"Seth… I'm still with Natalie," Jacob said, knowing he couldn't begin with Ness until that had been resolved. He wasn't that guy, and he wouldn't give truth to Natalie's fears and suspicions. He just couldn't.

And all of that was assuming Nessie would even want him. A fact she'd given no indication of in years. Only once had she ever indicated a thing, and after he'd shut her down, she'd almost completely withdrawn from him. She was the one that had limited their interactions, and kept the self-imposed distance between them.

"Not all love is true love. You may love Natalie. I don't know, I think you do, but… But it'll never be what you could have with Mae. We all know it."

"I -"

Seth cut in impatiently, tired of dancing around what he really thought, saying, "Jake, you're going to miss your chance. You've been in my head. You know she's grown into the perfect woman for you. It's not the imprinting - some compulsion forcing you to love her. It's her, Mae. Your perfect other half. Don't let the past stop you."

Memories and details of her scrolled through his head like a flipbook. Her love of the outdoors. Her artsy, creative side. How she'd rather stay in or do something normal than take advantage of her family's wealth to do something over the top. Her compassion and kindness. Her appreciation of history and their collective roots. Her value of family. Her supernatural nature. It was all of it. Then to top it all off, her beauty was transcendent. Completely unparalleled.

Then there was the fact that for the last five weeks, at least a dozen times he'd dreamed of Nessie. Ever since he saw her in Seth's mind from when they went camping.

"I'm scared. Terrified," Jacob admitted.

"You don't think I was to tell Alice about how I felt? But one of you has to be brave. It won't be her, not after Quil's wedding," Seth said flatly.

"That was a crush. Or a misunderstanding. Or something. Not love," Jacob said. In the years since, it was easy to convince himself he'd overreacted that day. She'd not argued or made any attempts that altered his assumptions.

"It was more than that," Seth insisted.

"It was?" Jacob asked dubiously.

"It was recognition - a knowing you'd never be complete without the other, but you were too stubborn to admit it, or maybe too broken still. And truthfully, she wasn't ready yet, so this worked out better, but things are different now. Just call her. Ask her if he's really who she wants. I'm sure that's all it will take to know for sure. Give her the chance to choose you."

To him, Bella and Nessie truly were entirely separate beings. But the idea of her picking another would be so much more devastating than it had been when Bella did it before. Probably just as devastating as it had been for Ness when he stayed with Natalie.

Shit.

"Thanks, Seth," Jacob said, hanging up.

He dialed Natalie, but he got her voicemail. He left a message saying he needed to talk to her as soon as possible. He really wanted a clean slate when he talked to Nessie. Except, Natalie didn't return his call. He tried her again twice more over the next few hours until his work day ended.

Eventually, he got sick of waiting, too impatient to hear what Ness would say. He headed to the beach, hoping the rhythmic crashing to the ocean waves on the beach would calm his fraying nerves.

Nothing. Energy and jittering bees buzzed over his skin like static electricity. Fuck it. He was over waiting.

"Jacob?" Nessie answered flatly. Great. Just the way he wanted this conversation to start off.

"Seth said you're going to spend the summer with Nahuel," Jacob breathed, voice huskier than normal, thick with emotion. How was he supposed to tell her this was a mistake when he'd done the exact same thing by getting involved with Natalie. Did this make him a hypocrite? Should he encourage her to love someone else or just beg her to love him instead?

"Yes," Mae confirmed softly.

"Is he really what you want?" Jacob asked, feeling the barbed points of the hooks that dragged the words reluctantly from his throat. It was the question Seth had told him to ask, but he was more reluctant than ever to have her answer it.

So many what ifs...

"Do you not think I should?" she asked enigmatically.

What sort of answer was that? Didn't she realize how hard it was for him to even ask? How much harder this was when she wasn't upfront with her thoughts? He wished she was there so he could experience her thoughts with her gift. Then he'd know for sure. What did she need him to say to answer the question? Whatever it was, he'd say it.

Jacob opened his dry mouth, then closed it to swallow roughly. Every ounce of moisture had evaporated, leaving his tongue too thick and awkward to use properly when forming words. He tried swallowing again. It was no use. He opened his mouth to speak anyways - just as his phone beeped with an incoming call. He pulled the phone away to glance at the caller ID.

Natalie.

Of course. What spectacular timing! He clicked ignore, and shook his head incredulously.

"Say something," Nessie said, sounding strained. Or was she annoyed?

Shit. What had she asked? His train of thought was completely derailed after seeing his girlfriend's name on his screen. He really wished he'd waited to take care of that first, but after he didn't hear from her, his frayed nerves had frazzled his thought processes like exposed wires sparking dangerously. It would have freed him up to be so much more honest with Ness now. As it was, his hands were tied.

Right. She wanted to know what he thought she should do.

What if she doubted him when he told her? He'd given her no reason prior to this to believe he had any sort of romantic feelings for her. He'd not even started having them before last month. And if she was annoyed, was it because she thought he was calling to boss her around the way her family always did? He needed her to know he would respect her choice. That desire dictated his words, opening the door for her to take the lead, while promising to follow regardless of what she decided.

"I… I want you to be happy, and have everything you desire," he said, a ragged, raspy voice. "Everything."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I'm going to see Nahuel. Tell Natalie I said hi. Goodbye, Jacob," she resolutely, then hung up before he even had a chance to register her words.

Then they did.

Pain lanced through his chest, a scimitar slicing cleanly through his torso. When his invisible assailant removed the sword, Jacob felt his guts spill onto the ground in its wake. Decimated. He was utterly destroyed. His heart shattered into a thousand bloody, mangled pieces like so much broken glass.

Nessie had picked Nahuel the same as Bella had picked Edward. This was infinitely worse. Being burned at the stake over a sunburn. Worse, the sun had burned out entirely. Endless night loomed before him. Empty, and without hope. How was he supposed to go on? What was the point?

Natalie called again. The last thing he wanted was to engage in a fight with her, but this conversation was overdue. He was so tired. All Jacob wanted to do was crawl into bed, pull the covers over his head, and sleep for a month. Nessie's declaration had zapped him of every ounce of strength he had. Maybe if he slept, he'd eventually wake up to find today had been nothing more than a nightmare.

Maybe he could have gone to Nessie directly, looked her in the eye, and told her he wanted to be with her. The idea of seeing her look at him as she had at Quil's wedding made his breath catch. Except, she'd decided on another. Now he'd never get the chance to see it again or return the look.

"Can you honestly say you're happy with me?" Jacob asked as soon as he answered. Hopefully, he could make her see the direction this conversation was going right off the bat.

"With you? Completely," Natalie said thickly. There was a lot of background noise wherever she was - probably a bar. It was happy hour at most places. "With life? Not today. You'll never guess what just happened -"

"Natalie, I'm serious. You wouldn't rather be with someone you have more in common with?" Jacob interrupted, sighing heavily, and turning to head back towards his apartment.

"No. You try so hard to make me happy. I love it. I don't need or want anything else," Natalie said, stopping Jacob in his tracks. He did not want to walk into the apartment they shared and see her once they finished talking. Because she definitely wouldn't be saying or feeling that much longer. Abruptly, he changed course, heading to Aiden and Leah's place. "Now, today I -"

"Natalie -" Jacob interrupted, not wanting to listen to whatever new drama had happened at her job. He was too damaged to fake politeness.

"Jake, you're acting crazy, and I'm trying to tell you something important!" Nat hissed, spitting the words like an angry cat unexpectedly doused with water. He could hear a garbled announcement playing over a loudspeaker in the background of wherever she was.

"No, I'm -"

"Please don't do this tonight. I can't handle fighting with you right now. Please, just not tonight," Nat begged. "I'm serious."

It sounded like she was already crying, so she must know what he planned to say. Why would doing this another day make it go over any better? Maybe because she was in public, and didn't want her friends to see? That was about as likely as anything else.

"What …" he started, trailing off when she whisper-shouted into the phone.

"I got fired today, Jake!" she informed him. Well that explained why she hadn't answered his earlier calls. She went on, explaining, "That asshole in my department got me fired for that post last week."

He vaguely recalled her telling him about an incident the week before when she'd posted a piece of gossip online about one of the company's artists, and had to make a public apology since it'd been inaccurate and the artist had been furious.

"Oh," he said dumbly. That really sucked. He knew how much she loved her work. No wonder she'd said not today. Her world had just been turned upside down. She probably wouldn't handle having it happen twice in one day very well.

"Nice. Real supportive. Look, I called Mad, and she suggested I come out to see her for a while until this all blows over. I really can't stand the idea of staying in this city another moment, so I'm at the airport," she said quickly. "My flight is actually about to board, so I have to go."

"You are? Now?"

"Babe, I love you so much. You're everything to me. I'm so sorry not to give you any notice, and make this decision without you, but I hope you can understand. And when I get home I'll show you just how much you mean to me, and -"

"Natalie, that's just it. I -"

"Oh. I see. Right. Look… just not tonight, remember?" she reminded pointedly. "I can't take anything else right now, and I don't have time to get into it."

"Okay. We'll talk soon then," he agreed, knowing they'd need to make arrangements about the apartment.

"Just - Oh, hey, they're calling my group. Miss and love you," she said in a rush, beginning to talk to someone else.

Wait… that last bit must have just been out of habit, right? Because there was no possible way he could continue with her when the only woman he wanted was Ness. It was so clear to him now - now that it was too late.

Just as he was about to comment, Nat sucked in a sharp breath and said, "Shit. Sorry, Jake. I wasn't - I mean… yeah… uh, I mean bye," she finished awkwardly.

Guess they were on the same page, after all.