I lean into Tobias's shoulder laughing. Christina is yelling dramatically for Will from the top of a table in the bar. Will was playing mad after Christina pointed out his new haircut was slightly shorter on one side than the other. They were both pretty drunk and by extension pretty loud.

"No! Will! Come back!" Christina whined but then she giggled, "It's not that ugly."

"I told you not to talk about it!" Will yells through drunken laughter. He shakes his head so that his hair falls everywhere. Because that will make it look better.

I look up at Tobias who meets my eyes with a humored glance. He shakes his head slowly and I can feel him chuckle a little against my shoulder. Like me, he is holding a drink but not drinking much of it. Neither of us was as big into drinking as the drunken duo.

"If I do a dirty dance, will you forgive me?" Christina asks. She turns so she is as facing away from Will and I think tries to shake her butt. In reality, she almost tumbles off the table. And crouches down to steady herself, laughing her head off.

"Think you can top that?" Tobias says to me.

I laugh, "I don't know. I guess you'll have to wait and see."

The process of Christina trying to get back to standing involves a little too much table rocking. I stand up and grab Christina's hand to steady her. "I think it's time you get down from there," I say leading her down. She stumbles off the table and crashes into me, knocking us both over.

"Sorry, Tris. I'll buy you another to make up for it."

"No, that's okay. I think it's time you two go to bed."

"I'm not going to bed with her," Will exclaims but when he sees Christina frown, he goes, "I'm sorry, Babe. I'm just kidding. I always want to sleep with you."

"Okay, we're leaving," I say. I feel my face getting hot and feel the urge to not make eye contact with Tobias, which makes it hard for me to grab the keys he is trying to hand me. I force myself to look him in the eyes and he raises an eyebrow at me. We were just joking about sex stuff, but for some reason the seriousness in Will's tone makes me clam up.

Tobias and I walk Christina and Will to Christina's apartment. They might as well share it. Everyone was assigned a living quarter when we finished initiation, but I don't think Will has ever been to his. Christina likes to fill me in on what they do with all that time together. I appreciate that Tobias didn't ask me to move in right away. Just the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable. Not because I didn't like being with him, a lot. Something about the thought just feels overwhelming and terrifying.

After ensuring both Christina and Will have eaten something and seem sober enough not to choke on their own vomit while sleeping, me and Tobias leave. We say goodbye when we have to split directions to go to our separate living arrangements.

"Hey," Tobias says suddenly. I turn around and look at him. He is standing rigidly, clenching his fists. "I was wondering if maybe you would stay with me tonight."

I feel my cheeks burn and look away from his eyes.

"Nothing like that," he says quickly. "I just, this is hard to talk about." He shifts on his feet. He glances around and rubs his fist into his opposite hand. "I've been having a lot of nightmares. I don't know why. I just wish I wasn't alone."

I frown. His fidgeting is against his character. Something about it overrides my initial reaction. "Of course. I'll stay with you."

"You don't have to."

A new feeling rises in my chest. Guilt. He was so worried about making me uncomfortable that he thought he couldn't trust me with this. "I will. You don't have to face everything alone. I'm glad you asked me."

He nods but he doesn't look entirely convinced.

When we get back to his room he chuckles awkwardly. "I feel like such a pansycake asking my five-foot girlfriend to protect me from dreams."

I shake my head. "You of all people should know that it's not cowardice to ask for help."

He stares at me for a minute. "You're right. For some reason, it's easier for me to believe that for other than for myself."

He walks toward me and wraps his arms around me. It strikes me, as it always does, that we are alone in a room with a bed. We are two adults, with the freedom to do the bed things because we are alone in a room with a bed. I bunch the back of his shirt into my fists as I hug him back, pressing my face into him shoulder and squeezing my eyes shut to block out the bad thoughts.

He pulls away but keeps his hands on my shoulders, then moves them up my neck to hold my face. I stare into his eyes, and that somehow makes my heart rate race more than the feeling of his thumb moving across my cheek. There's something deeply intimate in his eyes that makes me both ache and feel the panic rising in my chest. He leans in to kiss me and instinctively I flinch. I hoped he wouldn't notice but he pulls away.

"Is this making you nervous?" he asks.

I shake my head but he ignores me.

"You of all people should know it isn't cowardice to ask people for help." He smiles a little.

"It's not something you can help. It's just this stupid thing." I shake my head and sit down on the bed. He sits next to me, not making a point not to be touching me. "It's not that I don't want to." I bury my face in my hands. "I want to. I want to all the time. Like so bad."

He chuckles and it sounds a little nervous. "Okay, Tris."

"I do! But then randomly my brain is like, danger, you are in danger. It's so stupid."

"It's not stupid." He turns serious. "So much of our fears or anxieties are just conditioned thinking. You were told your whole life that physical touch was selfish and dangerous. It isn't surprising that it is taking longer than a couple of months for you to relearn that."

I shrug, but he continues. "I promise you, that you can take your time. Nothing like that will ever make me stop loving you."

My head snaps to look at him, I see panic flash in his eyes. "Stop loving me?" I say slowly.

He smiles guiltily, "Well that's not how I intended to tell you but yes, there is nothing that can make me stop loving you." He takes my hand and squeezes it. I scoot closer to him and push on his arms telling him to put it around me. I reach up and kiss his cheek.

"I love you too."