I've had this story in the back of my mind for a while, but last night during some episode that I'm not truly over that shook me to the core. Basically I learned something but broke my heart and scream at how unfair the world could be. One thing that should have never brought two women together, brought two women together.

So this came out of it. Inspired by a Taylor Swift Song.

Begin Again

I must be crazy, allowing Di to set this up. I looked in the mirror once more checking over my smidge of make-up I had put on for this. Nothing much, some concealer and powder, mascara and a touch pearly eyeshadow. I swiped my lip balm over my lip and smiled hesitantly.

I look over to my array of shoes, mentally going back there. That time when I was told that I shouldn't wear heels. I took a deep breath and wiggled my foot into my favourite pair.

I look into the mirror by my door, looking myself over. A flowing green skirt, a tailored white shirt, white and dark green wedged heels. Did I look cute? Maybe I should have invited Nan over for this? She's always good at things like this?

Are my shoes too high? No, I wasn't going there again right now.

At least I was no longer wearing a cast or a sling. I have mobility back into my left arm. At least it had been my left arm that had been injured. The second injury that took the longest to heal, the first I'm still not sure I will ever get over, even if my therapist says that one day it will fade like the bruises I wore for so long.

I put on a brave face. I trusted Di and her judgement, and while this was a friendly let's go see an old family friend set up, we had grown up together. I could trust him, couldn't I? I swing my bag over my shoulder and grab my keys.

Here goes nothing I tell myself I lock the door. I walk down the small hallways, to the side door where my car is in the parking lot, waving to my neighbours here and there that I saw. The old ladies smiled at me, some pleasantly surprised to see me in something other than yoga pants.

I felt safe in this building,

"I can do this," I tell myself as I sit in my car, before starting up. The radio coming to life as it syncs to my phone. My favourite song comes on and I can't help but smile as I turn it up, Turing to ignore the background voices in my head, about the times I tried to please him.

It never worked. I shook my head deciding to not go there today.

The drive to the cafe wasn't long, but parking is horrendous as I fight to find a spot. I check my phone, sending a quick message to Di telling her that I have arrived. A small safety net for myself, a constant nod of reassurance that someone knows where I am.

I'm early, but I'd rather be early than late if I had a choice. I'm half expecting him to be late but I spot his dark hair that once made swoon as a teenager. He's looking better than I could have remembered, the years have done him justice. His hair styled in typical fashion, short on the side, longer on the top, dark stubble went over across his jaw, that perfectly lived-in five o'clock shadow. He close to thirty at this point? Walter would have been thirty-one this year, my heart is heavy at the thought of my brother who died in a car crash when I was seventeen. He was dressed in dark jeans and casual blue polo, his tan skin set off by a sunny day.

I muster up a smile as he sees me approach him.

"Rilla Blythe!" He said with a large smile, his grey eyes lighting up as he takes in a twenty-five year old me. "As I live and breath, when Di said you moved here I didn't believe her." He says brightly, he makes no move to hug me or any greeting until I hold my hand out to him.

I simple handshake I can manage.

"I like to lay low," I say quietly. "It's lovely to see you again, what's it been almost ten years?"

"Just about," He nodded. "My family came for Walters funeral," he said after a moment.

"Of course," I say with a small nod. "I remember you being there. I know he would have wanted you there."

"Shall we?" Ken said as he waved his hand towards the small outdoor patio was he wanted to usher me in. I nod my head, and he swiftly chooses a small outdoor table for us and holds out a chair for me to sit is as our waitress comes with two menus.

"Good morning, Coffee this morning?" She asked us as she gave us menus.

"Please," I nod my head.

"Early Grey tea please," Ken says for himself.

"Taking a beauty secret from Captain Picard," I find myself saying without thinking. I automatically flinch at my own words.

What was I thinking with such a corny joke?

I hear him laugh, a full-on belly laughs as he smiles at me. "I forget about your family's love for star trek." He says. "Captain Picard indeed, a cup of earl grey a day keeps the Klingons away?"

"That is…" I find myself shaking my head. "Bad," I settle with. "Blasphemy," I say next.

"I know," He flashes a grin at me.

"You were more a star wars fan were you not?" I asked him.

"Indeed," He smiles. "Have you seen any of the new ones?"

"I have not," I shake my head. "I haven't gotten out really in the past few years," I find myself telling him quietly.

I wonder if he knows? What did Di tell him about my sudden move to a whole new city, crashing at my sister's place until something became available? He didn't know about this first few days of utter terror and long cries as my mother showed up and hugged me until I could cry no more. My father talking to the police about a restraining order and then months of peace.

"Do you still listen to those god awful bands from your teenage years?" Ken asked with a dazzling smile. "What was it My Chemical Romance, Jonas Brothers, One Direction?"

"MCR is amazing, thank you very much," I tell him. "Though I do have a thing for Bowie lately, maybe one too many Queen Albums, along with all my Taylor Swift albums. "

"Little Miss Rilla Blythe listening to 70's music," Ken chuckles to me amused. "I would have never thought."

"Walters last birthday gift to me, that showed up a few weeks after his death, it was a soundtrack to Rocky Horror, we were going to go see the show for Halloween," I say quietly. "I found myself hearing him when I listened to certain albums. Walter loved his music."

"He did," Ken agreed with me.

"What have you been up too?" I ask him as the waitress came back with our drinks.

"Anything else?" She asks and I look up at Ken.

"Two blueberry scones," he said. "And two imperial cookies," he adds and the server nods and looks at me and I nod to say that suits me. He remembers little things from the island, blueberry scones, but the cookies were strictly Winnipeg.

"Well, I ended up in Winnipeg of all places. The land of winter, but I enjoy it. It's not Toronto, but at the same time if you go to different areas. It's like you're driving through Toronto or even parts of the Island." Ken said.

"I know what you mean, the houses in River Heights when they have all their colours in a row, it reminds me of home." I find myself agreeing with him. "I found myself a job at a local vintage consignment store, nothing grand but it pays the bills I suppose. I'm thinking about school lately," I trail off.

It's no secret that I had dropped out when I was twenty. Though many don't know the exact reasons as to why.

"I thought about getting back into dance, find some adult ballet classes," I tell him bravely. "It's been a while but dance is always good for the soul?"

"Have you been to the Ballet yet?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"Not yet, but Di says she would go to the Nutcracker this year with me if I wanted to," I explain as I break into one of the cookies.

"I took my niece one year when Persis was visiting. You did hear the Persis had a baby a few years back?" He asked not sure if I heard or not.

"I did, we are Facebook friends," I nod my head.

"We're Facebook friends, and I didn't even know you moved to Winnipeg," he points out to me. I merely shrug my shoulder.

"I don't share much on social media?" I tell him. A simple post with friends turned into fights one too many times. Those fights led me to ask if it was all right to see my friends, which led to them to stop asking. The only photos I was allowed to post had been about him and how happy we were. And outright lie. There was nothing happy in that relationship.

"There is something about Imperial cookies, that are so extremely Winnipeg," I say to change the subject as I bite into the large sandwich cookie. It consisted of two butter cookies, not quite a shortbread, but not a sugar cookie either. It was filled with raspberry jam and had a white glaze and a red dot on the top. Almost all coffee shops had them here but there were a few places known to be better than others. This place one of them.

"How do you feel about honey dill sauce?" He asked and I make a face, scrunching up my nose. He laughs again, and it starting to feel oddly comforting. "I'm the same way we can't people just be normal and get the plum sauce, or at the very least ranch?"

We leave the cafe after he allows me to split the bill with him, with hesitance as he wanted to pay for me. I know it was being childish, but in the back of my mind, I would owe him. Something I still can't fathom or allow of myself. I know hypothetically some men didn't expect things in return. That some men were actual gentlemen.

He stays a safe distance away from me, but there is a warm hand hovering at the small of my back that leads me out of the patio. We walk down the to the riverside, the Forks were always busy with people and a comfortable meeting place when you have little voices at the back of your head about every little thing that could happen or go wrong.

We walk down the river walk, watching as children ran past us. Couples on obvious dates but much more relaxed with each other. He offers to take my photo with the old Cathedral in the background across the river and I find myself allowing it as I pose trying to give a full smile. Still, there was that haunted look in my eyes as I examined the photo that he sent me.

"Where are you parked?" He asked.

"Down the street," I tell him. "Nothing closer two hours ago," I point down of the long parking plot that was next to the Forks.

'I'll walk with you, I walked," Ken flashes me a smile. "If that is all right with you?"

I nod slowly, reminding myself I don't need to be afraid of him. I've known him my whole life but my mind tells else wise, never trust anyone whether you've known them for ages or not. I can't figure out what Nan told him if she told him at all. Did Kenneth Ford who used to tease and call me spider when I was younger grow into a gentleman? Or was he actively trying to make me feel comfortable around him? So many mixed emotions? Was this a date? Or was this just a friendly hello?

I find myself flinching as he grabbed my arm. Yelping in surprise, terror-filled my mind, a god what did I do wrong?

"Rilla, hey, hey, it's all right," he says stepping away from me as the car with a young girl looked like she was going to cry from the almost accident.

"I'm okay, I'm sorry, I'm okay, I'm sorry," I say to her, to Ken on repeat. I step aside to let her through. I know at that moment, he knows. Or at the very least someone warned him about my skittishness.

"Nathan also said my head was too much in the clouds when walking," I said without thinking. I clam up, refusing to look at him. We fall into step beside each other one more, as my heart rate becomes calmer. We pass my car, as I point to a small park.

"Did you hear they film a lot of Christmas movies around here?" He asks me side-stepping my obvious discomfort.

"What was the one movie your family always watched?" I asked him. "I remember Walter going on about it, yet I can't never quite remember it."

"Ahh, it was between Babes in Toy land and Mickeys Christmas Carol," He thinks for a moment. "Your family was always the 1950s Grinch movie I believe."

"Indeed," I nod my head. "Or the one with Jim Carey of course," I say quietly.

"Do you want to do this again?" He asks carefully. I realize for the first time that this is a date for him. "At your own pace of course."

"I would like that," I nod slowly, he knows enough to understand what I'm coming out of. Everything else can come with time and trust.

Never be afraid to talk about the trauma you've been through, it can connect you to another in more ways than one could imagine.

Get help if you need help, don't be afraid admitting you need help. Don't be afraid to take those first steps of a new life if you are ready for them.

Tina.