.

(Pray)

It had been another wasted Saturday. Nothing but worry and boredom laced with grueling aikido training. Anna was in the basement of her home, a place that normal families used as additional living space or storage. In the Williams home, however, its sole purpose was for martial arts and weapons training. Anna's mother had once taught both her and Nina self-defense in that basement, but those lessons quickly morphed into intense sparring sessions led by Richard after Rebecca had died. That was when the weapons training had started.

Advanced weapons training for Nina, which meant that Richard took her out of the house for target practice sometimes. Anna was a better shot than Nina most of the time, but her father said that it didn't matter because they were stationary targets and anyone could hit anything if it wasn't moving.

Anna looked up at the clock. Twenty minutes left. She raised her Glock and aimed at the target then emptied what was left of her magazine.

Head, head, heart; heart, heart, head.

Perfect.

She wondered if Nina was shooting a gun as well.

"Pray for the right thing." Anna mimicked her aunt's voice as she released the magazine. "Pray!" She laughed as she reloaded. "Hail Mary, full of grace, The Lord is with thee..." She raised her gun and emptied her magazine on the target.

Perfection again; too bad no one was there to see it.

Done with training for the day, Anna cleaned the area then headed upstairs. It was too late to go anywhere, but it didn't matter because Christina would not take her anywhere on a day when Nina and Richard were doing field training. On her way to her bedroom she heard Christina speaking in German, that usually meant that she was on the phone with Viktor. Hearing the kitchen door open she stopped midway up the stairs and turned toward the sound, she saw Marie, the cook, stepping out with her coat and bag in hand.

"You made beef stew!" Anna swiftly made her way down the stairs following the familiar and comforting scent of fresh herbs and spices.

Marie gave her a kind smile. "And I've made apple cake too, but you'll have to eat your stew first." She added in mock admonishment.

Anna laughed. "I promise. You're leaving early?"

"Miss Christina let me leave for the day. My daughter and granddaughter are coming down from Galway to see me."

"I didn't know you had a granddaughter."

"Four grandsons and one granddaughter. Everyone treats her like a princess, her brothers especially. Overprotective if you ask me."

"Is she little?"

"No, she's fourteen, thinks that she's eighteen sometimes, but she's a good girl."

"Oh." Anna couldn't help the pang of jealousy that settled in her heart but still managed a genuine smile. "I'm going to wash up before I eat. Thank you, Marie. I'll see you on Monday."

"Enjoy," Marie said as she walked toward the front door.

"Have fun with your family."

Anna headed up the stairs for a quick shower. She hoped that Marie's granddaughter appreciated what she had. A mother and a grandmother, brothers who protected her... No, the naive girl probably thought her life was boring. She wondered how many of the girls from her school thought their lives were boring, how many of them spent boring Saturdays with families and went on boring weekend trips.

Everything would be different if her mother were still living.

When Rebecca was alive, there had been time for a social life; she had always made sure that their lives were as balanced as possible. Anna knew that her mother had given both her and Nina as normal a life as she had been able. Their mother had organized birthday parties for both of her girls until Nina had said that she was too old for that 'little kid' stuff. But even when Nina steered away from the things that normal girls her age liked to do, Rebecca always made sure that Anna had a party on her birthday and arranged playdates so that she could have friends to invite. That was how she had met Margaret, her best friend since they were seven years old.

Anna loved Nina as much as any girl could love her sister. And though she was her best and only friend now, there had been a time when Margaret Callahan had been like a sister to her. She was a month younger than Anna, a beautiful girl with coppery hair and sparkling, green eyes. Though not as mischievous as Anna, Margaret was always up for an adventure; as much of an adventure as two little girls could manage in their garden. The two girls were inseparable, and as they grew older, their mothers let them go shopping on their own or took them to the beach on the weekend.

But it had been close to two years since she'd seen her friend. Margaret and her older brother Robbie had been sent to boarding school abroad. She had received a few letters from Margaret at first, but they soon stopped coming. New place, new friends; Anna didn't blame her. In the end, it didn't matter that Margaret was gone, she would have lost her as a friend after her mother died anyway, Anna herself would have pushed her away to keep her from seeing the pathetic mess that her life had become.

After her shower, Anna went downstairs for an early supper. Christina let her eat in the sitting room in front of the television set while she had drinks with one of her friends in the garden. Richard never allowed such a thing, but on days when he wasn't home, she could count on her aunt to relax the rules slightly.

Anna spent the rest of her evening looking through fashion magazines. Her father thoroughly disapproved of them and said that they contained no substance whatsoever. Instead, he wanted her to read the most boring books written in Irish, not even the fun stories about adventures. She didn't mind reading those, but according to her father, those didn't have any substance either, all they did was fill her head with useless information.

She smiled when she noticed that one of the male models looked like Robbie, Margaret's older brother. Anna had a crush on him from the moment she saw him. It didn't take long for Margaret to notice, but rather than laugh at her friend, she told Anna that she hoped she and Robbie could get married one day so that they could be real sisters. But Robbie was much older and never saw Anna as anything other than a little sister. And now that she was no longer a little girl, the idea just seemed silly and embarrassing.

Anna leafed through the magazines and cut out clothing or patterns that she liked before pasting them onto a piece of paper and making entirely new outfits. She wanted to be a fashion designer and have her own clothing line one day. When she told her mother, she had smiled and said that she could be whatever she wanted. But she didn't want to say anything to her father; he wouldn't let her. He had been explicitly clear when he told her that she was going to be in the business profession. He didn't say why, but she knew that a career in business would allow her to infiltrate many social circles completely unnoticed. She was sure that was the reason, though he didn't even bother to tell her.

She figured things out on her own because asking questions was frowned upon, yet she was always expected to know everything. She even had to figure out what her father's secondary profession and source of all the family secrets was; though now it was blatantly obvious. Anna remembered being ten years old and asking Nina about it.

"Is Daddy in the IRA?" She had asked her sister quietly as they studied at the dining table.

Nina sighed and didn't even look up from her book. "...Do you even know what that is?"

Anna thought for a moment trying to remember a report she had heard on the news. "They're against the Queen...right?"

Nina sighed again. "If you don't even know what it is, you shouldn't be talking about it."

Anna slammed her book shut in frustration. "Everyone is talking about it."

Nina looked pointedly at her. "We are not. And Daddy better not hear you."

Seeing that Nina would be no help and that she couldn't ask her parents, Anna began to put pieces together. She caught parts of a conversation here and there, read newspapers, and watched the news. Little by little she figured out that her father was not technically in the IRA, but he was a consultant of sorts. And matching up some of the dates that her father had been away to the dates of significant events had led her to believe that he worked for them from time to time.

She remembered a particular instance when there had been yelling and arguments between her parents behind closed doors on the same day a gun shipment from Libya had been intercepted before reaching Ireland. Nina had been tense and sullen that entire week.

"Are you upset?" Anna had asked her sister as she stood immobile in the garden watching through a window as their father paced the sitting room.

"I'm not upset," Nina said. "I'm learning."

Nina had been watching and learning from Richard as long as Anna could remember. And now she was out there, putting everything she'd learned to use. But what was it? Weapon deals? Murder? The thought terrified Anna; she knew she'd never be able to take a life.

When night finally came, she lay in bed unable to settle, thinking about where Nina and Richard could have gone and what they could be doing. She played different scenarios in her head as she tossed and turned under her blankets. She imagined Nina coming home with a tear-stained face telling them that Richard was dead; Christina would immediately sell all their assets and take them both to Paris where they would live the rest of their lives under different names. Unfortunately, Viktor lived in Vienna, not Paris, and that was probably where Christina would take them. There was nothing particularly wrong with Vienna; Anna just didn't see herself being happy there.

As she was falling asleep, a terrifying scene played in her mind and jolted her into alertness. She imagined her father coming home distraught and with a bloodstained Nina cradled in his arms. Anna got out of bed and went down on her knees, her eyes shut tightly, and her hands clasped against her chest.

"I am so sorry I was disrespectful today, and I know that my family is terrible," she bowed her head as she spoke, "but it's not Nina's fault, she's just doing what Daddy asks her to do; itplease let her come home safe, please, please, please-"

She gasped as she heard the unmistakable sound of a vehicle, she opened her eyes and saw the light from the headlights filter through her curtains. She quickly glanced at the clock on her bedside table; it was nearly one in the morning. When she heard footsteps in the hallway, she sat still on the edge of her bed waiting for Nina to come in and crawl under the covers with her and tell her everything about her day, but minutes passed, and no one came.

Fearing that something had happened to her sister, she walked out of her bedroom. She stopped short before knocking on Nina's door when she heard Christina's voice downstairs. She was talking to Richard, and she sounded agitated, Anna didn't remember her aunt ever raising her voice. She walked on bare feet toward the stairs and stopped near the top.

"She's fifteen, Richard." Christina's voice was tight and high. "What were you thinking?"

"You asked me that already." He answered evenly.

Anna peeked around the corner and saw her father wearing the same leather jacket that he had in the morning. He had a glass full of amber liquid in his hand. Christina was wearing a long, black nightgown with thin, lacey straps, she rubbed her arms and took a throw blanket from the sofa then wrapped it around her shoulders.

Christina shook her head. "You should have waited until she was older; until she came of age-"

"You don't know her the way I do," Richard defended. "She has skill beyond anything I've ever seen for someone her age, not just physically, but mentally as well; the way she strategizes, anticipates-"

"She's a child, Richard!"

"I was younger than she is and half as skilled, and-" Anna watched her father's back stiffen. "Go to bed Anna." He said without turning.

Christina's eyes shifted to the top of the stairs and locked with Anna's for a brief moment before she walked toward the fireplace and picked up the box with her rosary from the mantel. Anna didn't wait and turned slowly making her way toward Nina's room.

The walk felt ominous. There was a sudden weight in her chest that she couldn't explain. It reminded her of the day when they buried her mother and made her hesitate when she reached her sister's door. She stood for almost a full minute, her heart thumping in her chest. She finally plucked up the courage and knocked on her door.

No answer.

She knocked again.

No answer.

She could hear Richard and Christina still arguing downstairs. She wanted to know what had happened and she wanted to know if Nina was all right. She couldn't wait any longer. She slowly turned the doorknob then opened the door just a crack and peeked inside, Nina was standing in front of the full-length mirror with her back to the door. She wore the same clothes that she had in the morning though they looked wrinkled and her braid was in disarray. Anna opened the door and stepped inside.

"Nina?" Anna's voice was barely above a whisper; she felt like she was disturbing her; like she didn't want her there. "Nina, are you all right?" When her sister didn't answer, a heaviness settled in her chest and began to spread slowly to her limbs.

She looked at Nina's reflection. Wide, glassy eyes stared at nothing; her expression was blank. "...Nina?" Anna reached for her sister's hand, but she jerked it away. "What's wrong?"

Nina spoke without looking at Anna. "...Two years ago, I heard Mother arguing with Father in the library." Her tone was low and flat, almost robotic. "I didn't hear everything, but Mother threatened to leave him, said she was going to divorce him..." She turned to face Anna, but it was as if she were looking right through her. "...I wish she had and I wish she had taken you with her."

Anna stood looking at her sister not knowing how to respond.

"What are you talking about?"

"If she had been a good mother, she would still be alive, and you wouldn't be here."

"She was a good mother." It hurt to hear Nina say that, Rebecca had been the best mother that any child could have wished for. "And you can't say that she would still be alive, that accident could have happened anywhere."

Nina scoffed. "There was no accident."

Anna could hear her heartbeat in her ears, could feel her temperature rising. "...It was. Daddy said that it was, it was even in the newspaper."

Nina shook her head. "He lied to protect us. It was a car bomb, and it was meant for Father."

Anna closed her eyes as bile threatened to rise to her throat. She tried to calm herself by breathing slowly through her nose, she tried to tell herself that Nina was lying, but everything began to make sense. The closed casket wake and funeral mass, Richard's irrational anger, his harsh training; the fact that he had taught them how to kill. Was it because he thought she and Nina were in danger?

Anna looked at her sister. "...Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know until recently." She replied coolly.

"Why are you acting like you don't care?"

Nina turned to face the mirror again and looked at her reflection. "I did care, but now it doesn't matter."

"Why?"

Nina shrugged. "Because no one has to worry about it anymore, I've taken care of it."

"...How?" She knew what it meant, but she wanted to be wrong. "Did Daddy make you do-"

"He didn't make me do anything. I did what needed to be done." Nina took off her jacket and dropped it on the floor.

"You...killed someone?" Anna pushed herself to ask, though she did not want to hear the answer.

"It was what he deserved..." Nina's voice trailed off.

"Mum wouldn't have wanted that."

Nina shrugged. "She doesn't have an opinion anymore."

Anna felt a rush of anger at her sister's lack of emotion. "So you're a killer like Father now?"

Nina turned toward the bed. "Turn off the light on your way out."

Anna grabbed Nina's arm. "Mother would be heartbroken if she knew what you've done!"

Nina wrenched her arm away. "If she was alive, and if she'd been a good mother, maybe her opinion would matter to me."

"Stop saying that, she was a good mother."

"She didn't train you properly, and she didn't take you away." Nina's voice was low and harsh, it reminded Anna of her father. "A good mother would have done one of the two." She walked to her bed and pulled down the covers.

Not wanting to hear more, Anna left the room slamming the door behind her. Her heart was drumming in her chest, her face felt hot, but her hands were cold and shaking; she leaned against the wall for a few moments to regain some manner of composure.

How long had Nina known? How could she have kept that from her? They were supposed to tell each other everything. Who else knew? How could everyone look at her and say nothing? She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't a little girl. The truth hurt, but at least it was the truth.

When her heartbeat slowed, and her mind began to clear, she noticed the silence. Richard and Christina were done arguing. Feeling the need for fresh air, she walked toward the stairs hoping to sneak quietly outside. When she reached the top, she stopped, Christina was sitting on the sofa with her eyes closed and murmuring softly, the rosary beads laced around her fingers. Anna almost laughed at the absurdity of the scene. What good was her prayer going to do?

Not wanting to face her aunt or risk running into Richard, Anna turned around and slowly walked back to her bedroom. As her anger ebbed away, she felt the pain and tightness in her throat, the heaviness in her footsteps.

She was a good mother.

But Anna did wish that her parents had divorced, and she did wish that she could be somewhere beautiful like Paris alone with her mother. She didn't even want Nina around, not if she was going to behave like a younger version of Richard.

She got into her bed knowing that Nina would not come to comfort her. The haunting feeling of abandonment weighing her down.

"A Williams never cries," Anna spoke the words out loud through the aching knot in her throat, through the tears that should never have spilled, knowing that nothing could ever be the same.