Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

I had another scene for this, but it didn't turn out as expected, so I deleted it - sorry for the short chapter.

The theme song for this chapter is Take On The World by You Me At Six.

PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Ch 18: When everything finally makes sense… Well, almost everything - Jacob

Year 9 - 2015 (February - June)

February

"Coffee?" Ness offered, holding a steaming cup in front of Jacob.

"Thank you," he said, taking the cup, then immediately reaching for her. She was his anchor, the only sure thing he had to hold on to. His rock in the violet storm that had unexpectedly hit and thrown his life into chaos. "Seriously, you're the best. I don't know what I'd do without you."

It was because of her that he'd been strong for his father. That he'd been able to joke and tease him, pretending nothing was wrong, and that everything would work out just fine. But at night… at night he let himself feel scared, and it was always Nessie that guided him through the darkness. Occasionally, she'd break down too and they'd guide each other, but regardless, they were there for each other.

The night he'd found out his dad had cancer, it had been her assurance that Carlisle, the renowned doctor with centuries of experience and enhanced senses, was coming that he understood something about their relationship. For over a year they'd experienced nothing but joy. Now, as they faced this obstacle together, he knew they could weather anything. They'd always help each other.

Sure, Ness would have called her grandfather for Billy's sake. Ness loved him too. But ultimately, she'd done it for him. To give his father the best chance, so Jake wouldn't have to say goodbye any sooner than necessary.

"I don't know what you two are even doing here today," Billy grumbled from beside them. He'd been scheduled for an early morning chemotherapy session. And here they were, not yet nine in the morning.

Jacob, Ness, Rachel, and Paul had made arrangements to take turns going with him, and he and Ness had volunteered to go today. Today marked the second week of his five week chemo cycle. Then would come the surgery. Jake could tell his dad was scared. The first week had been rough, and he wasn't looking forward to the nausea and weakness that was sure to come later that day.

When Carlisle looked him over, he'd suggested the same course of treatment that Dr. Wilson had. Then Jacob had surprised everyone by insisting that Carlisle be the one to operate and perform the surgery. There was no one else Jacob trusted as much with his father's life. Carlisle had immediately agreed, then in deference to Billy's well documented caution with vampires, even the Cullens, he'd stated that Seth would be with him the entire time. The wolf was currently completing his internship under Carlisle back in Laramie.

Carlisle had been back twice in the last three weeks to check on his patient and begin preparations for the surgery. Apparently since he no longer worked there, there were several hoops to jump through. Particularly since it wasn't a medical emergency.

"And for you," Ness said, handing Billy a bagel with peanut butter and an Ensure compact.

"Thanks, but I still say you should have let Charlie cart me around today. Sue can spare him for the day and I know you had plans," Billy grumbled after smiling at Ness. She'd wormed her way deep into Billy's stubborn, old heart.

"Plans? I didn't know we had plans," Ness said, glancing at Jacob.

"It's Valentine's Day. Did you really think I didn't have something up my sleeve to surprise you with today?" he asked dryly.

He'd planned a day trip to an art show in Vancouver where several pieces from a photographer she admired were going to be featured. He'd started planning for it just after Christmas, but that had been before Billy had gotten sick.

"Aw, Jacob, that's so sweet," she said, kissing his cheek and returning to pointedly staring at the bagel Billy was only pretending to nibble on.

"You don't even know if you would have liked it," Billy said, shaking his head at her. It was an obvious ploy to distract her so she wouldn't notice he wasn't eating, despite the doctor recommending he try.

"It's the thought that counts. Besides, I'd rather spend today with you. You promised you'd always be my Valentine. You didn't forget, did you?"

"No, I'd never forget making such a promise to a pretty lady," Billy said, patting her hand.

"Wait a second - when was this? And why are you trying to steal my fiancee?" Jacob demanded, curious to hear the story.

"It was four years ago?" Billy asked, brow wrinkling as he thought back.

"Five - the year before I started college," Ness corrected, then explained, "I came to visit, and he gave me a rose. How could I resist such a romantic gesture?" Billy blushed and scowled at the teasing, but Jacob would have bet he was secretly enjoying it. Probably relieved to be thinking about anything other than what he was about to endure.

"Guess I have some competition, eh, Old Man?" Jacob taunted, lightly pushing his dad's shoulder.

"Shut it, Scamp," Billy commanded.

"We'll have to celebrate tomorrow - have some local adventures instead," Jacob said, looping his arm around Ness, and smiling when she laid her head on his shoulder.

The idea of getting several dozen bouquets of roses and using them to write out 'I love you' on their bed came to mind. They weren't her favorite flower, but after the bit with Billy, he knew she'd get a kick out of it. It would go really well with the other gift he'd already had made. He'd handwritten a letter detailing all the reasons he loved her, then had the wife of a guy he worked with turn it into a paper flower so it would last forever. It was already displayed in the wooden box he'd carved and used to hide her engagement ring in.

"Excellent," she said. "That gives me time to finish hiding your replacement present."

Initially, she'd gotten tickets to Costa Rica for the following weekend. They were supposed to leave Thursday night, and since Monday was President's day, he already had it off, and they'd have three and a half days on the coast surfing. She'd asked if he'd mind them canceling so they could be with Billy instead, and he'd been more moved than he'd found words to express. It meant everything to him that she cared for his family.

They usually made a point to make all gifts some sort of event or activity they knew the other person would enjoy. Typically, it didn't cost more than a tank of gas, but the surfing trip had been based on a recommendation from Aiden since he and Leah went over Christmas, and Ness knew he was dying to try it out now. In the end, they'd postponed the trip to the fourth of July week so that they could be there for Billy now instead.

While Billy was being checked in prior to treatment, Ness and Jacob waited in the hall.

"Thank you for getting me through this," Jacob said, hauling Ness close and dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

"You never need to thank me. I'll always be here for you," she said, patting his hand.

"I know. Ness… "

"What is it?"

"After Embry died. I couldn't need you then," Jacob said sadly.

They'd talked about the fight a few times, particularly when Ness told him about the fighting lessons Jasper had given her a few years back. She'd looked forward to them until the time actually came to try and hit or block. She was too slow when facing off with vampires, and she didn't like participating in something she had no hope of winning. Seemed a little pointless and discouraging. Not to mention frustrating. And there was no point in fighting humans - they were no match.

All of that made sense to him, because she wasn't Bella who'd alway longed to fight her own battles physically, and never understood there were different ways to be useful. Nessie's strength laid elsewhere. She'd never need to fight, not if he could help it. He'd protect her, and she'd said that was fine by her.

They'd also talked about what happened with Embry when they'd discussed the fight. But this was the first time Jacob had brought up the aftermath in relation to her. Specifically, her in connection to him.

"How come? Was it because I was too young?"

"I was so broken. I didn't know how to let someone in, and if I'd tried… I would have taken and taken, giving nothing in return. I had nothing to give, and I would have used you up," he admitted frankly, leaning against the wall, and letting his head fall back to stare at the ceiling.

He recalled the airport when they'd first arrived home. He'd tried to cling to her. She'd been so tiny and young, and he'd needed her to fill the void, hold him up, guide him out, and provide atonement for his actions. It was a challenge she'd been in no way prepared to meet, not to mention unfair of him to request - especially when he'd secretly longed to demand as much from her.

And even if she'd tried, if she'd accepted the challenge, he wasn't ready to forgive himself, so ultimately it would have been for nothing.

He'd stolen his best friend's dignity, made him beg for a basic human right that should have never been taken - the right to die gracefully on his own terms. The echoes of his friend's pleading still occasionally haunted him. Assaulted his bruised and battered heart. Particularly since his dad's illness.

There were nights he woke shaking in a cold sweat. Embry's voice a banshee cry deafening him. But always Nessie was beside him, her arms inevitably stealing around him, ready and willing to combat the past, forming a solid barrier between now and then. She healed him, leading him towards the light and the happiness he found with her.

"I'd have let you. I didn't know how to navigate that sort of thing either," she acknowledged, reassuring him that he'd done the right thing by leaving. Then she took his hand and led him into the room, showing him how different things were now.

March

For weeks now, it had been endless visits to the hospital, tests, and talk of cancer. Billy's surgery was scheduled for the following week, and in the meantime, it was just a matter of waiting. The stress of it all had been getting to him, building steadily until he worried he'd break. Then that morning Ness had suggested they spend the weekend camping.

They'd be spending most of their free time with Billy in the coming weeks, moving him into their place after surgery to make caring for him easier. Ness thought camping would give them a couple days away from it all to destress and have some alone time before they'd need to give up their privacy. Jacob loved her all the more for suggesting it. She could read him so easily, always knowing what he needed.

The small campfire Jacob had been nursing sputtered, threatening to go out. Rain scented the air, fresh and clean, then suddenly it was everywhere in the little clearing they'd selected to make camp in. It came down in sheets, soaking him in seconds and dousing the flickering flame entirely.

Ness was in the tent already, having erected it while he was busy gathering some wood, and was currently in the process of arranging their bedding.

"Seriously?" he called darkly, looking up at the ominous thunderclouds that had gathered overhead. The sound of Nessie's amused laughter had him spinning to glare at her. Only her face was visible, peeking out while remaining safe inside the dry shelter. Her clear delight cut through his bad mood, banishing it the way the sun would no doubt burn these clouds away if the wind didn't take care of them first. "Come here," he insisted.

"Why would I do that when I'm nice and dry in here?" she taunted.

"Come here, Ness," he requested, blowing out a puff of air to dislodge the rain dripping from the end of his nose. At least with his heat the water warmed nearly the second after it touched him so it wasn't freezing and as miserable as it would be for a human.

"Nuh-uh," she denied, shaking her head then smirking as she added, "Not happening."

"Ness, I will shake off in there with you if you don't. Then we'll see how dry you are," Jake threatened, trying to coax her into coming out and playing with him.

"Mutt, you better believe I'm not letting you in with those wet clothes," she deadpanned, kneeling up to put her tiny balled up fists on her hips. She looked like a little spitfire, or maybe a cat refusing a bath.

"Minx, how do you plan to stop me?"

"If I run… " she trailed off. Probably she realized her threat didn't make sense in terms of staying dry.

"You wouldn't," he said gesturing towards the sky and his surroundings, all of which were as drenched as he was.

"If I did -"

"I'd chase you to the ends of the Earth," Jake vowed. He noted the way she lit up at his words, seeming thrilled by the declaration because she joined him moments later.

"Now that I'm soaking wet too, what did you want?" she breathed, biting her lip. He wanted to bite it for her.

"I'm going to make love to you in the rain," he announced, desire gripping him hard at the sight of her in the wet tank top.

"You have to catch me first," she challenged, grinning wickedly.

Then she was off.

Jacob chased her through the mountains, letting her keep her small lead so long as she was still laughing. They weaved through the trees, cutting a path higher through the woods before shimmying down rock faces or jumping gurgling rivers.

They seemed to be the only two crazy enough to be out in the less than ideal weather - all of the other woodland creatures having sought shelter when the rain started. It was eerily quiet, only the plopping sounds of dripping water accompanied their symphony of hasty treading, heavy panting, and snapping branches.

Ness slowed when she entered a meadow far from where they started, where the rain was merely tiny sprinkles. Jacob took that as his cue that she was ready to be caught. He lunged for her, catching her around the middle and tumbling them to the ground, turning at the last second so she landed on his stomach.

"I'll always find you," he promised, reaching up to push her wet hair back over her shoulder.

"I love you," she said, leaning down to kiss him.

Their wet clothes clung to them, but somehow they managed to remove them without needing to resort to tearing them. Hands tenderly stroked every available surface, gliding over rain slicked skin, while lips wandered, feasting leisurely. Every caress was slow, unhurried, appreciating that they had time to savor this moment as they rolled through the soft moss and crushed the damp wildflowers filling the air with their lovely fragrance.

Eventually need won out, the explorations stirring desire too great to ignore or deny and Ness begged, "Jacob, I need you. Now. Please."

"Yes," he agreed, needing the same.

Her legs parted, welcoming him into the cradle of her thighs, and when he entered her, every fear, doubt, and worry immediately fled. With her, he was home. He was safe. He was loved.

April

They were driving home having just finished with a tribe meeting involving several elders. Ness had started coming with him and helping with sorting disputes, government paperwork, organizing groundskeeping, hosting events, and delegating who was heading up what project on their land.

"It's still so strange to me that they treat me like a welcome friend," Nessie said, watching the passing trees out the window.

"It's because you're a manifestation of my heart," Jacob explained, knowing she'd been wanting to discuss this for a while now. He'd patiently waited for her to bring it up, not wanting to push her into an obligation that she perhaps didn't want or might not be ready to face.

His people had begun inviting Ness to visit, individual invitations to lunch or dinner or to the school or parks. If they heard she was at Billy's, someone would inevitably drop by to share some news. Just little town gossip about so-and-so's health or a grandson's new tooth or the date someone's cousin went on. Nessie was good at making each person feel special and as though she genuinely cared and heard them.

It was the role Emily had most recently filled, but when Sam, Jared, and Paul all stepped down from the pack, deciding to quit phasing and Jacob moved home, Nessie automatically took over without ever even realizing it, never missing a beat.

"I don't understand," she admitted, turning to look at him.

He met her stare as he clarified. "They trust me to speak for them and have their interests in mind when it comes to politics, policies, disagreements, protection, but it's you that connects them to me on a personal level. I have to consider them as a single unit and what is best for the majority. You individualize them for me through the relationships you've built with them."

"That's incredible. I really belong here," she said, eyes misting over, and Jacob knew this was a challenge she was more than up for, and that her naturally compassionate nature would relish undertaking.

"You do," he agreed.

May

Jacob and Ness were in the garage working on the car she gave him. They'd gotten it running, but not had a chance to fine tune it, deciding to put the project on hold when Billy got sick. Today though, they'd had a bit of free time that day after work to spend on it.

"Is Aiden still coming up tomorrow to go surfing?" Ness asked from the front seat where she was working on the wiring for the dashboard.

"Yep. Leah wants to surprise Sue for her birthday with some big announcement, so the timing worked out," he said happily, looking forward to relaxing on the water with Aiden. "Want to come with us?"

"Can't. I'm meeting with a client," she said regretfully.

After the bakery and Kim's catering business, Nessie had a lot of requests from other businesses. Usually, she'd devote three days a week to working on her various projects, the other days she'd spend at the reservation looking after Billy, helping with tribe issues, having adventures with Jacob, or simply enjoying hiking and taking pictures on her own.

He could still recall the day he'd taught her to surf. She'd popped up on her first try, and turned to see if he was watching - completely wiping out in the process. He'd painfully snorted saltwater out of his nose at the way she'd sputtered incredulously after surfacing.

That had been the first and only time she'd gotten knocked out.

The waves around the rez weren't all that impressive though, so it wasn't the grand accomplishment it might have been elsewhere. Maybe this summer in Costa Rica, she'd really get a chance to show off.

Jacob got distracted from his musings by the way Ness's fingers idly bent and shaped the shiny metal scraps with her fingers. They twisted and curved under the pressure of her fingers, slowly taking shape as she absently messed with the pieces.

"Have you ever given much thought to sculpting?" Jacob asked, eyeing the intricately twisting and branching metal in Ness's hands. It looked like a tree in winter with barren limbs.

"Not really, why?" He nodded at what she'd created. "Huh, I was just messing around," she said, turning the eight inch scrapes this way and that.

"We should take a pottery class. I bet they've got them in Seattle," Jacob suggested.

"Together?" Ness asked dubiously, though with no small degree of hidden desire.

"Why not? I'm manly enough to own it," he insisted, doubting it'd be all that different from wood carving, and liking the idea of helping Ness branch out a bit. She'd been getting frustrated with photography lately, and a temporary change of pace might be just the solution.

"You want to make a vase?" she asked dryly, raising a single perfectly arched bronze brow.

"I was thinking a coffee mug might get more use, but I could make an amazing vase. Playing with mud can't be that hard, and I bet we'd have fun doing it," Jacob said, shrugging casually.

"Probably. Count me in," she said, nodding. "Though I'm betting I'd rather work with metal."

"We have that area back there," he said, waving his hand towards the back of the garage where they had a small stretch of open yard that wasn't being used for anything in particular. "I could build you a workspace this summer," he offered, earning himself a small smile and a grateful kiss.

The next day, Aiden let slip that Leah was pregnant while they were treading water between waves, and that's why she'd wanted to surprise her mom.

Happiness at his former beta's deepest wish coming true had him smiling for days after that.

June

Billy had a rough couple weeks after surgery, but he finally seemed to be doing a little better. He was definitely in better spirits lately.

The chemo and surgery appeared to have aged Billy a decade in the last couple months. His hair, already turning white with age, had become brittle and dry though it hadn't fallen out. He swore the new look was a hit with the ladies, but Jacob knew that was just his dad's way of staying positive and avoiding pity.

Carlisle had continued to fly out twice a month to run a full battery of tests, and he was optimistic. That alone took a load off of Jake's shoulders.

Ness had insisted on Billy staying with them after his surgery so she could help look after him. At first Billy had tolerated it for her sake, appreciating her concern and enjoying the fusing, but he'd put his foot down the day before and insisted he return to his own place.

Ness was quiet the whole way home from settling him in.

"Jacob, I want to set a date," she finally said once they were inside.

"Why now?" he asked curiously. He'd been wondering about it for a while, but he didn't want her to feel like she had to, so he'd not brought it up, content to worry about other things. Besides, it wasn't like they were pressed for time.

He wondered if seeing her friend Calli marry Caleb had inspired her. The wedding had been about a week after Billy's surgery. Paul and Rachel had taken care of Billy while they'd spent the weekend in Wyoming. Ness had felt guilty declining her friend's request to be a bridesmaid, but Calli understood when she heard what was happening with Billy. They'd spent three days there - celebrating, helping, and letting her friends all get a chance to meet Jacob.

"I want your dad there, and I want him healthy enough to enjoy it," she said quietly, nervously chewing on her thumb nail. It was something she rarely did, but he'd learned it only happened when she was contemplating something serious.

"I think it would mean a lot to him," Jacob agreed. He wanted the same thing, for his dad to be at his wedding and not feel miserable the entire time. Carlisle swore Billy was doing better, and could realistically live another decade if things stayed the same, but Jake didn't want to take chances. "So you're ready to make this official?"

Jacob moved to gently tug her thumb away, returning her amused smile when she realized what she'd been doing. There was so much love shimmering in her eyes that he knew he was the luckiest man on earth.

"I know it's tradition to get married on the reservation, especially for you, but would you mind terribly if we didn't?" she asked quietly.

"Where did you have in mind?" he asked, though he already suspected.

"The main house in Forks. Where my parents were married," she answered, pressing her hand to his cheek and showing him the wedding she desired.

It was beautiful, and very obviously designed by Alice. Ness didn't have the patience to decorate a clearing that elaborately with flowers. In fact, flowers seemed almost repelled by her, withering and dying within a week of her attempting to nourish them. Jacob swore she was drowning them, but Ness was convinced she followed the watering directions exactly, and that it was just the plants that hated her.

"I suppose you're hoping to let Alice plan it," he remarked casually, curious to know what she wanted her dress to look like. He'd been in her vision, standing at the front in a tux, and there'd been flashes of others, but she'd not included herself. Guess that was one superstition she planned to adhere to.

"Unless you're planning on doing it," she replied drolly.

Shaking his head at the thought, he said, "I guess the only thing left is to decide when."

"September?"

"Mid September. That way we can celebrate your birthday on our honeymoon," he decided, already knowing just where he wanted to take her.

"We're getting married," she breathed, looping her arms around his neck.

Jacob bent to press his forehead to hers, happily agreeing, ""We're getting married."