So this update isn't as good as my other stories, but this story is more comedy than anything so here it is! Thank you to everyone for your kind words and updates. I'm still saddened that that my last update was necessary, and I very much appreciate your lovely words.
This chapter is dedicated to blucougar57, adelgado0429, Katherine Rosalie Hale, Scout Ginevera, HermioneTheMiddleSchooler, Edge Maverick and everyone else who responded to me with kind words. Thank you 3
Hermione looked solemnly at her friends. Draco and Harry were sitting in the back row next to each other, with Susan sitting front in front of the duo. Blaise had claimed a seat in the middle, while the Weasley twins shifted positions every few minutes, swapping between sitting next to Dora and annoying Susan. "I would like to call this meeting of the Professor Snape fan club to order," she said clearly. "Is everyone present?"
"Yep," Susan chirped. "What's our first order of business?"
"Well, we're officially registered as a club," Hermione explained. "I went to Professor Dumbledore and everything. I told him Aunt Andi said to let us have the club or else. I think he's a little scared of her." Draco and Harry nodded empathetically. "Now, what should our club motto be?"
"If you're not in this club, you're a dunderhead," Blaise suggested.
"Good, but let's go better," Hermione said. "Any other suggestions? No? Okay, dunderheads it is."
"I think we need a theme song," Harry offered.
"Ooh, I saw a muggle song once that could work," Hermione nodded. She cleared her throat before singing, "He is lord, Snape is lord, he is lord, lord, lord, Snape is lord."
"Brilliant," Draco declared. "And we already have the official club attire and agenda."
"Obviously," Hermione said, striking a pose to show off her miniature copy of Snape's robes. "Can we go around yelling five points from Gryffindor?"
"Yeah, except let's call it Dunderhead House," one of the twins cut in. "We can keep track of how many points we take off, too."
Angels
"Five points from Dunderhead house," Fate muttered under her breath, seeing Destiny and Death plotting together in the corner.
"Hey Fate, remember that role call we mentioned?" Destiny called with a wide grin on her face.
"Oh no."
Angels
Sirius Black paced back and forth in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. "Exactly how many horcruxes are left?"
"Evil Snake Necklace is destroyed," Kreacher added helpfully.
"Bad Master Snake Lord's Diary is ka-boom!" Dobby exclaimed.
"The goblins are destroying the cup as we speak," Narcissa put in.
"Dora just sent the diadem," Ted added, running a hand through his hair. "We'll bring it to the goblins tomorrow."
"Did she ask what it is?" Narcissa leaned a little closer.
"Of course," Andromeda said, rolling her eyes.
"What did you tell her?"
"An old artifact belonging to a set that used to belong to the Blacks," Andi shrugged. "If she was suspicious, she didn't mention anything."
"Good," Lucius drawled, sitting upright in his seat.
"What are we doing about the letters from Professor Snape?" Andromeda changed the subject.
"I think we should just ignore them," Sirius cut in. "Other than the name, and object of the club, and dress style, it's a great prank. Too bad it's on Snape."
"Grow up, Black," Lucius rolled his eyes.
"Make me, Malfoy."
"Okay, no fighting," Andromeda interrupted. "You're grown men, act like it at least sometimes." Ted snickered.
Angels
"He is lord," Hermione sang happily. "Snape is lord, he is lord, lord, lord, Snape is lord." Hermione paused her singing and gestured to her friends standing behind her, all of them attired in matching black robes. "Hit it, guys!"
"And girls!" Susan Bones called out angrily, but she was drowned out by the singing.
"He is lord, Snape is lord, he is lord, lord, lord, Snape is lord!" the official Severus Snape fan club sang loudly as the man himself entered the Great Hall for dinner. "He is lord, Snape is lord, he is lord, lord, lord, Snape is lord!"
"Enough!" Professor Snape yelled. "50 points from Gryffindor!"
The entire group cheered, Draco particularly loudly. "Five points from Gryffindor from all the dunderheads!" the Weasley twins started chanting.
"Detention!" Professor Snape hollered. "Detention until Christmas! Until the end of the year!"
"Yay we can spend more time with Professor Snape!" Hermione grinned.
"With Filch," Professor Snape corrected himself in his icy voice, glaring at the first year. "This club will cease immediately. The next person to sing that...song will find themselves in detention until they graduate. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Professor," the club chanted in unison.
"Yes, Uncle Sev," Draco whispered mischievously.
"Directly after dinner, my office, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said, not even turning around as he strode for the doors.
"Darn," Susan pouted. "That's the end of the club, I guess."
Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "We'll have to find something else interesting to do, then."
"Hey, what about exploring the third floor corridor?" one of the twins suggested.
"Dumbledore said not to go there," Blaise protested. "It's forbidden."
"Forbidden, forbadden," the other twin waved his arms around his head. "I'll bet you that at least half the upper year Gryffindors have checked it out so far."
Blaise's eyes gleamed.
Angels
"Can we do bets?" Destiny asked excitedly.
"Absolutely not."
Angels
The officially disbanded Severus Snape fan club found themselves after dinner in the third floor corridor, the first years all hiding behind the Weasley twins and Tonks.
One of the twins pulled at the door, and when it wouldn't budge, attempted an unlocking charm. "Well that was easy."
Tonks peeked into the room. "Hey guys, there's a giant three headed dog in here."
Blaise scoffed, realization dawning on his features. "Sing a song, it'll fall asleep."
"The wheels on the bus go round and round," Harry warbled, stopping when everyone turned to look at him incredulously. "What, that's the only song I know. One of you try."
"I'll sing, then," Hermione huffed when no one seemed inclined to open their mouths. "We're mad to go, mad to drive, mad to be alive," she sang, remembering a not very well known musical that her mother loved. "We're chasing stars, a thousand suns, the mad, mad ones."
The animal's six eyes drooped slowly, eventually coming to a close. The head rested on the giant paws, leaving the trapdoor in the floor all clear. The twins jumped first, followed by Harry, Draco, Blaise, Susan and Hermione, leaving Tonks to make sure that the dog was still asleep. They landed on some soft material.
"Everyone stop moving!" Tonks cried immediately. "It's Devil's Snare, just don't move and you'll be fine."
They all froze and listened to the Hufflepuff, and soon enough they had landed at the bottom of the passage. "Through this door, jolly gentleman!" one of the twins cried. "Let's see this- broomsticks?"
As the only ones on a team, the Weasley twins and Harry each took a broom, Harry finally catching a small key after a few minutes. The next room had a large chess set, which Draco took charge of.
"We're going to play the king," he said after a moment of studying the chess board.
"All of us?" Harry asked.
"Yes, everyone gather together on the space," Draco ordered. They all complied, and soon enough, "checkmate."
"We're never doing that again," Hermione grumbled, rubbing her sides where she had been elbowed multiple times.
"You mean you don't want to squish together on a very tiny square with eight people again?" the twins cried in unison. "We're so hurt, Hermione."
"Oh, grow up," Hermione grumbled.
Angels
"Fate, I'm bored," Destiny said in a sing-song voice.
"I don't care," Fate responded.
"Can we play chess?"
"Absolutely not."
Angels
Tonks defeated the next obstacle, not even letting the first years until the room until the troll was dead. They all trooped through a small doorway, shrieking in surprise when flames coated the wall they had just come through.
"Everyone stop screaming!" Hermione shrieked.
"I don't want to!" Susan yelled back.
"It's a stupid puzzle!" Tonks screamed.
Hermione marched over to the table and snatched the piece of paper from Tonks' hand. "Oh, give it here."
Blaise peered over her shoulder as she muttered to herself, the Gryffindor pointing at the bottles every so often. "This one will take you forward through the flames," she declared after a minute.
One of the twins coughed, and Hermione turned to see Draco, Harry and the twins standing by the extinguished flame. Harry was holding a fire extinguisher that he sheepishly tossed aside, while Tonks had her wand out.
"Or, we could do that," Hermione sighed.
The final room held a sole object - a gold rimmed mirror. Harry peered inside first, "Hey!" he exclaimed, turning to look over his shoulder. "Why is Aunt Andi and Uncle Ted and Sirius and everyone in this mirror? They're not here. And there are these other redheads and people who look like me-oh."
Tonks walked over to hug her adopted brother. "You okay, Harry?" Harry just hugged her back.
"This is the Mirror of Erised," Susan realized. "I've read about it. It shows you your deepest desire."
"So if I really wanted to figure out the purpose of this obstacle course," Hermione said slowly, stepping in front of the mirror. "It would drop this red stone into my pocket?"
Hermione lifted out a small red stone, with jagged edges and a clear, hard surface. She ran a finger along the edge and a little powder drifted onto her finger. "What is this?" she wondered.
Tonks shrugged, detangling herself from Harry to examine the stone. "No clue. But let's keep it safe and we can research on what it is."
Hermione grinned.
Angels
"Destiny," Fate said calmly, looking to the couch area, where the angel was currently rolling on the floor in laughter. "Are you alright?" Destiny only laughed harder. "Okay, I get that a bunch of kids just beat the obstacle and now - unknowingly - own the sorcerer's stone, but I think you're being a bit extreme. Destiny? Destiny!"