A/N: I binged TURN in 4-5 days, and after realizing there's ZERO Ben/Anna smut, I felt it my mission to write it myself. I was inspired by other lovely Ben/Anna writers (on AO3) as well, so I encourage you to look them up!
As a side note, I didn't mention Selah or Anna's marriage in this fic. I had initially, but it made things too messy and complicated. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!
"entwine our bodies on common ground"
The moon was full that night. Peeking in through the tall, dark trees, it cast eerie shadows in low places, leaving Anna Strong in a restless, agitated state as she prepared for bed. While she washed her face over her basin, she tried not to feel as if she were drowning – tried not to recall the men who came into her cart with laundry, only to never return for pick-up.
It was best, she found, to remain kind, but impersonal with these people. Friendships weren't ideal in a war setting. Earlier that morning, she'd finished sewing a button onto a threadbare shirt, only to later discover that the owner – a young, nameless boy of barely 18 – had been slain in battle. It was this part of her calling that bothered her the most.
Sighing through her nose, Anna smoothed a hand along the front of her shift, then furrowed her brow when she heard something outside. Her cart was closed up for the evening and had been for some time, seeing how it was well after midnight, so there was no reason for anyone to come poking about for wares.
A twig snapped and she lurched. Whirling toward the noise, Anna's pulse quickened once a tall, shadowy figure quietly crept alongside her canvas flap. Fumblingly, she reached across her table of goods, then snatched up the first thing she could grab: a hefty cast iron ladle.
The figure stooped at the entrance, then began fussing with the outer ties. Anna tasted bile. Careful in her movements, she rushed over to stand alongside the point of entry, then raised her ladle in preparation for the attack.
That was when someone finally entered her tent. With little fanfare, Anna clubbed her weapon hard over the stranger's head, only to wince whenever she heard a familiar cry. The man collapsed to his knees and groaned, cursing colorfully under his breath.
She blinked, stunned. "Ben?"
He groaned once more in reply, clutching at his head.
Oh, God…
Within the dull candlelight from her table, Anna could see a thin rivulet of blood trickling down the side of Ben's temple. Clumsily, she set her ladle aside, then helped him stagger to his feet. "What were you thinking, you…you ignorant cull?" she spat. "To come out here in the dead of night unannounced, sneaking in like a thief? What was I supposed to do?"
"Not the neighborly thing, apparently," he muttered, reaching up and hissing whenever he touched his wound.
Anna was unamused. "I could have killed you!"
Finally, Ben offered her a look of amusement. "Perhaps you should ask General Washington to enlist."
"Well! It's good to see I've knocked all common sense from your head," she growled. Taking him by the arm, she impatiently led him toward the back of her cart. "You're lucky, you know…I just so happen to have a bit of cloth I can lend."
Ben snorted. "I hope you're a bit gentler with your first aid," he quipped. "Truly, this isn't necessary."
"It's not about what's necessary," Anna said. Frowning at him, she took hold of his chin, then turned his head from side-to-side. After a moment of appraising him, her shoulders sagged in relief. "It only seems to be the one gash," she said. "Does anything else hurt?"
Slowly, a boyish smile filled Ben's face. "Nothing but my injured pride."
"Yes, well unfortunately, the male ego is an incurable disease." Allowing a smile of her own, she released his chin and helped him onto her cot. "Why did you stop by? Surely it wasn't to get clobbered?"
Finally appearing uncomfortable, Ben watched her grab a wooden medical box and sighed, curling his shoulders as he rubbed his palms along his knees in concentrated, anxious circles.
When she was greeted with nothing but silence, Anna glanced at him over her shoulder. "Ben?"
"Nothing, I just…I suppose I wanted to talk," he mumbled. A forlorn, distant look clouded over his eyes, much like a despairing mist. "My mind is an ugly place to be these days, and I wanted…w-well…"
"To get those thoughts out in the open?" Anna supplied. When he nodded, her expression softened and she pulled out a roll of linen. "War makes strangers of us all," she agreed. "I may not be the one fighting, but I've still got my own battles waging on inside. I can only imagine what you must be going through…"
"We've turned on our own," he lowly agreed. "A matter of recompense should never have led to a firing squad."
Anna chewed her lip, reaching for a pair of scissors. She had imagined that might be Ben's trouble, but hadn't thought it her place to ask. Snipping at the cloth, she offered, "None of that was your fault."
"These men are my responsibility," he coolly said. "Unlike many others, I refuse to avoid the inevitable."
Dipping her cloth into the washbowl, Anna sat alongside him and gently dabbed at his wound. Ben winced and jerked away from her, only to scowl when she sharply took hold of his chin and held him still.
"You care what happens to them, which is more than can be said of most," she muttered. Dabbing at the crusting gash, the hardness in her eyes softened, and she met his gaze before promptly looking away. "You've always been the good sort, you know… Perhaps too good, in many ways."
Ben scoffed. "How do you mean?"
"You're selfless and pure of heart. Don't think I've forgotten what you did for me." When his brow creased, she smiled and clarified, "When I was fourteen, you made sure I had hair combs for my first introduction to society. Trappings weren't important to a frugal man like my father, but you knew I wanted to feel special." Lowering her hand from his face, she cleared her throat. "You tried to pretend it was a gift from Abe – to help him woo me, I suppose – but I knew it was you. When I asked your brother if you planned on going to the town dance, he said you'd spent your entire allowance that month."
A hint of embarrassment lanced Ben's face, but he said nothing.
"Do you deny it?"
Frowning, he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I'd hardly call that being pure of heart. That was a mere frivolity."
"For you, perhaps, but for me, it meant the world." Setting aside the cloth, she took his hand. "It was a testament to the kind of man you were – the kind of man you are. I pray that you manage to hold onto yourself during this war, Ben, because the world is far better for you being in it."
For a long while, Ben said nothing. He gazed down at their interlocked fingers, finding it difficult to breathe over the painful lump in his throat – over the guilt and self-loathing that had settled within his very bones.
When he looked up at Anna again, that pain returned tenfold while he admired the long, flowing waves around her face. It occurred to him then that he hadn't seen her hair down in years – not since they were small children. The realization filled him with a restless, creeping ache, and he fought against the urge to tuck a stray curl behind her ear.
"I know what you did for me too," he finally spoke.
Startled, a look of unease flooded Anna's face. "How do you mean?"
"The letters," he clarified, smiling. "For a good while, I received anonymous correspondence…letters that went out of their way to make me feel valued and cared for." With a low chuckle, he added, "I know it was you, Anna. You've always put very distinctive loops on your 'Y's.'"
Anna pursed her mouth, embarrassed. "And what if it was?" she countered. "I had to thank you somehow, and that seemed the best way."
Ben arched a brow. "If you wanted to thank me, why didn't you just do it personally?"
"I imagine much for the same reason you didn't want me knowing about the combs," she said.
"Hmph. Touché." Expression softening, he cradled her hand between his palms, gently worrying his thumb over her knuckles. "You know, I didn't just come here because of what happened today…" Her brow creased and he swallowed. "Our entire…charade, if you will, has forced me to come to terms with something I've been burying deep inside for many years now – or more aptly put, ever since I bought a couple hair combs for a young girl who, rest-assuredly, never spared me even a fraction of the thought I spared for her."
Anna gaped up at him, stunned. "Just what are you trying to say?"
Ben chuckled humorlessly. "I think you know."
She did. She did know, and it tore her up inside far more deeply than any bayonet, if only because after all these years, she'd deemed herself unworthy. She wasn't good enough for a reverend's son, and her recent transgressions had done little to aid in suggesting otherwise. The result had been to erect distance – lots of it – and a sham marriage on top of year after year of validation through Abraham. What had she done, she wondered? And more importantly, why had she done it? To prove herself right?
"You don't have to say anything," Ben quickly said, his eyes growing glassy, "but I would like to know one thing."
Hesitant, Anna offered an encouraging nod.
He squeezed her hand. "Did you ever have feelings for me? Could you ever…?" Trailing off, he closed his eyes as if the very words burned him. In a way, he supposed they did. It had been difficult holding a torch for Anna Strong. She was a woman of many talents, and mangling hearts was tragically one of them. His good nature had always forced him to step aside…to be the runner-up for her hand.
"Ben…" Anna pressed her free hand to his cheek, and then suddenly they were gazing eye-to-eye. With a lump in her throat, she nodded once and brushed her thumb over his mouth. The touch electrified him. "I did have feelings for you, yes…and still do. But if we give in to the rumors, we'll be welcoming a world of hurt into our lives."
Tremulously, Ben's lips quirked into a sad smile. "It can't be much worse than it already is," he whispered. "It can't be much worse than not having you."
Oh… Somehow, his words hurt. Not because of brusqueness or cruelty, but because yet again, Anna found herself undeserving of his love and affection. She hadn't earned it. In many ways, she supposed she never would. But rather than berate him, she curled a hand around the back of his neck and drew him downward, tears pricking her eyes as she touched her forehead to his.
"Are you certain this confession isn't because of your head injury?" she teased, grinning in spite of herself.
Ben laughed. "As far as my typical recklessness goes, this is only a three on a scale of ten. I could do far worse."
"Well, in that case…" Threading her fingers through his hair, Anna ignored her head and went with her heart, her lips pressing into the warm, gentle rush of his mouth. She felt him draw a sharp breath, and then both of his hands were suddenly in her curls, tugging and pulling with a desperation that lit her aflame. He was attentive – ardent – and Anna moaned softly as his tongue stole over hers.
Breaking the kiss, Ben regarded her with what could only be described as shock. "Are…a-are you…? D-did you mean to…?"
Nodding, she traced her thumb over the curve of his mouth. "Yes," she huskily assured him, "I most certainly did."
Pleased, Ben didn't seem to need any more encouragement. He stooped to brush the warmth of his mouth over her pulse. She shivered and arched into him, grasping his broad shoulders while he unlaced the front of her shift. His teeth grazed her throat and she pressed her cheek into the top of his head, trembling all over as his hand dipped beneath her shift and cupped a breast.
"Wait a moment," she whispered.
Ben withdrew again, his mouth kiss-swollen and his eyes darkened with lust, and a pang of arousal pulsed wetly between her thighs. With a shuddery breath, she eased herself out of her shift and tossed it onto the ground, feeling a sense of satisfaction once those stormy, yearning eyes raked over her naked frame. He was adorably agape and she had the urge to make him even more untidy.
Slipping into his lap, Anna wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him harshly, enjoying the sensation of her bare skin against the coarse, yet not altogether unpleasant fabric of his uniform. While she rubbed herself off on his thigh, she couldn't help but wonder if she was staining his yellow calfskin breeches. He groaned into her mouth and she sighed into their kiss, glossing their tongues as he groped at her curves. He didn't seem overly experienced – that in and of itself made this all the more endearing – and she guided his hand down between her legs, encouraging him to stroke and rub to elicit the sharp, pleasant sparks that made her spasm.
Withdrawing enough to gaze upon her face, Ben shuddered and allowed himself to be led. Each time he rubbed her bud in several brisk, eager circles, Anna's face melted into a look of aroused anguish. The sight made his cock harden painfully beneath her bottom. Shuddering, he couldn't help but grind himself against her for some much-needed relief, their mouths brushing in a half-kiss as Anna started tearing away at his uniform.
"Take this off," she hissed at him.
Ben had to smile. He nearly told her it was the best order he'd ever received while wearing it, but couldn't bring himself to speak once she cupped him with an intense, forceful squeeze between the legs. His mouth opened in a silent cry and he clasped at her wrist, trembling while she rolled her palm over his hardness.
"Not here," she said, nipping at his bottom lip.
Ben couldn't disagree. With the less than sturdy cot as their present support, it would be wise to migrate below.
With jittery hands, he unfastened his waistcoat and shrugged out of both that garment and his overcoat, all the while following Anna down onto the ground. He seated himself and pulled her back into his lap. While she helped him with his shirt, he dizzily rolled himself up between her thighs, their lips meeting again before she tore it over his head.
The newly granted access of skin-on-skin electrified them both, and Anna cupped Ben's face between her hands, giving him an approving once-over before she crashed her mouth into his. This kiss was hard and bruising, and full of teeth and tongue.
While he licked at her, she reached between them and pointedly unfastened the front of his breeches. Impatient, she pulled down the flap and exposed him to her searching hands, his breath catching between their lips as she curled a hand around his cock. He throbbed between her fingers, and sighing into his mouth, she lifted herself up so that she could situate him between her legs.
Ever gallant, Ben managed a raspy, "Are you sure?" and Anna sneered, sinking down around him in reply.
Fuck. Gritting his teeth, he gripped her waist and tried not to cry out as she bobbed in his lap. Forehead to forehead, they held one another tightly and shuddered, Anna's walls clenching around him as she adjusted to his girth.
Restless, she started rolling her waist with the hopes of getting him to move, her eagerness finally being rewarded when Ben jerked his hips in offering. When she came down hard he thrust upward, massaging her insides with a warm, thrilling pleasure that left her mewling and weak in the knees.
"Fuck me," she pleaded.
Needing little provocation, Ben halted her hips and disengaged, carefully rolling her over and pinning her to the ground. With Anna's legs drawn up around his waist, he drove back inside her and snarled softly, his boyish face coloring with need as he pounded her into the dirt floor.
She arched and whined, and he hissed into her throat when her nails raked down his back. The responding sting made his cock pulse, but still he drove strongly into her heat, her gasping mouth grazing his ear as she pleaded for more. She was soft and perfect, and he reached down between them to rub at her bud. Ben was rewarded by Anna's sharp, ecstatic cries, followed soon after by her spasming around his cock.
While she clenched around his thrusts, he hovered his lips over hers and groaned, weakening somewhat as he fucked her through her orgasm. Anna sagged into the dirt, gasping softly as he finally tensed, gripped at her shoulder, and then emptied himself inside her with several sharp, fitful thrusts.
When he collapsed atop her heaving bosom, he found he could scarcely breathe. "Anna," he whispered, nuzzling into her cheek, "are you…a-are you…?"
"Fine," she assured him, turning her head to devour his mouth in a kiss.
Ben eagerly leaned into her attentions, cupping her face and melting into her touch. This was the warmest he'd felt in months – the safest. His fondness for her swelled within his heart, and as he pulled away to regard her satiation, his eyes grew wet while he gazed upon her flushed face. This was all he'd ever wanted. She was all he'd ever wanted, and as he entwined their fingers, he knew then what he'd always known: he loved her and wanted nothing more than to be with her.
"Anna…" Ben's throat closed around her name, and tearfully, he squeezed her hand. "If I die before this war is through…"
"Shut up." Her throat bobbed and she glared up at him, her chin quivering as she shook her head.
"Anna…"
"No." Digging her nails into his palm, her expression hardened, and the fierceness lanced between them at the unspoken words: you're not going to die. You're going to live.
Not wanting to argue, Ben brushed his fingers across her cheek and lowered his mouth to hers. If he was truly going to die – if he was truly going to disappear – he reveled in the fact that Anna Strong, his greatest kept secret, was finally there in his arms.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading! The title of this fic is from the song "Where Do Lovers Go?" by Ghostly Kisses. I like the song "Never Let Me Go" (same artist) for Ben/Anna a bit better, but the title I settled on was more fitting.
As a side note, I've considered writing Ben/Mary Woodhull too, 'cause that woman deserves to have a man who loves her 100% of the time! I don't know if anyone would be interested in that though, seeing how there's ZERO fics of them on here. I thought it could be interesting... I have an idea in mind, so I might go through with it at some point. I know this fandom is dead, but if anyone wants to talk TURN with me, feel free to leave a comment just for that alone. I guess I'm desperate!