Chapter 19- Dove Rosestar

I lie in my bed in the dark, hands folded over the covers, staring at the ceiling that I can't see. I can't sleep. Too much happened today for me to sleep. So I got a 6; that's a middle score. Lots of tributes got 7s, and a few got higher, but I got one solidly in the middle. What will that mean for my sponsors?

Cabel got a 7, and maybe that will inspire the sponsors to help us in the arena. We're going to be totally on our own otherwise.

Well, I'm not going to be able to sleep, not with these kinds of thoughts. I sit up and switch on the light; I blink a few times, trying to get used to the light.

I'm hungry. Rolling out of bed, I pad over to the magic food machine. Really, it's quite clever, and I couldn't tell you how it works. So I just appreciate it while I can. Even if I win, we won't have one of these in District 6.

"Chicken soup," I whisper into it. I don't know why I want it, but it seems like the thing to eat at midnight. It appears in a white bowl, steaming hot, with a spoon alongside it. Can't forget the spoon, and the Capitol thinks of everything.

Even though the room is a little cold, I don't adjust the heat, nor do I climb back into bed. I sit by the window instead and look out at the streets below. It's midnight and there's still people wandering around down there. What can they be doing? I hate them, and yet I want to join them, in their outlandish costumes and their worlds that have no worries. I wonder what their lives are like.

"Dove?" I jump a little when Cabel opens the door.

"What?" I ask, whispering loudly.

"Why are you up? And why are you eating soup?" he asks.

"Hungry and can't sleep. Come in," I say, and Cabel shuts the door behind him as he walks over to join me.

"You can ask the magic machine for some soup," I offer, nodding towards the corner. Cabel shakes his head.

"I'm not hungry. How come you're up?"

"Not tired. Why are you up?" I ask, taking another spoonful. This soup is really good, actually. I haven't tasted any bad food in the Capitol yet, and this is no exception. Creamy with chunks of chicken the size of marbles, all mixed together with peas and carrots. We so rarely have chicken at home that this is a wonderful treat.

"Can't sleep, I guess same as you," Cabel says, leaning against the glass of the window. "They don't sleep down there either, do they?"

"Somebody's always awake," I say.

"I wonder what's going on at home," Cabel says, still looking out.

"I miss Mum," I say, and the hurt of being away from home tightens around my middle. "We are going to get home, aren't we, Cabel?"

"Mum and I talked when we said goodbye, and I promised her that I would get you out of the arena. They're never going to allow two victors, Dove," Cabel says, and his voice cracks a little. "I'm going to get you home, but you have to be okay with going home without me."

"I can't do that! I can't go home without you! What would I do at home? I need you, Cabel!" I say, my voice rising a little. Panic is spreading through me like wildfire.

"I know I can't get out of that arena alive if I don't keep you alive. Listen Dove, if I die- when I die- in the arena, promise me that you will go on and fight, and win for the both of us, okay?"

"I'm going to get both of us out," I say. I mean it. Mum needs Cabel, and I need Cabel. Going back to District 6 without him is not an option. "You have to trust me, Cabel. I'll find a way to get us both home."

Cabel smiles, and this time it spreads to his eyes too. "Alright, I'll trust you. District 6 is going to have two victors this year."

"It'll be a fantastic year to watch," I say, and we high five, like we always used to. The panic I was feeling is slowly subsiding, but the knot in my stomach stays. I really, really want to be home right now, same as always.

"I wonder if our double reaping was really chance or if it was rigged," Cabel says quietly, going back to looking out the window, the smile slipping from his eyes.

"What?" I say.

"Maybe they think getting rid of the Rosestars is the best idea in District 6."

"Why would they think that?"

Cabel looks at me, and he's serious. "Has anyone ever told you what Father did to get himself killed?"

I shake my head, but I look around the room, looking for the cameras that are sure to be in here. Isn't this dangerous to talk about?

Cabel picks up on my hesitation and leans in to my ear. "He was a rebel, and so am I."

I gasp. "But you promised Mum!" I hiss.

"I didn't join that band that got killed, I joined another, so I kept my promise. They caught on a few days before the reaping, and that's why I think we got picked. It was rigged," he whispers in a voice so low I can barely hear it.

"You idiot!" I say, putting the bowl of soup down next to me and shoving Cabel. "You've killed me, and you!"

"I was doing something for our district; I wasn't aiming to get us reaped," Cabel says, still low, but in anger. "I don't regret what I did, but I regret pulling you into it. And don't you see, Dove, there's no way I'm going to make it out of the arena except in a pine box!"

"I need to go," I say, standing up and pushing past Cabel, out into the living room.

"Dove!" Cabel calls. If he doesn't stop yelling, he'll wake everyone up.

I want to leave the apartment, but there's nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. I don't want to see Cabel right now, not after that. He's coming after me, I can hear his footsteps, so I dive behind one of the couches and bury my face in my hands.

How could he have been so stupid? Will they hurt Mum at home? More than anything, he's practically placed a target on both of our backs in the arena, and now I'm never going to get him out like I planned. How could he have been so stupid?

"Dove?" Cabel whispers, walking quietly through the living room. I want to scream at him to go away, but I already have limited time with him as it is.

"I don't know how you could have been such an idiot," I mutter, and he finds me right away.

"I wanted to do the right thing. To continue what Father started. That's why they killed him," he says, crouching beside me.

"But you promised," I say, and I think that hurts most of all. He's never broken a promise before now.

"I'm sorry, Dove. And I'm so sorry for dragging you into this. I'm going to get you home, okay?"

"And if you don't?" I say, and my voice drops again to barely a breath.

Cabel whispers right in my ear, "Then we'll give them hell."

He grins right at me, and I can see his teeth in the dark. "The Rosestar siblings won't give in without a fight. It's in our blood. We'll go in and give it our best, and that's all we can do."

"It's not a game of baseball," I say, crossing my arms.

"No, it's not. It's an easier game than that in some ways. Go in, survive. Two things. We can do two things, Dove. We can do it."

"I think we're changing positions on this matter," I say, getting up into a kneeling position.

"I think we're both right. You're 6, I'm 7, and we'll go take the others by storm. Maybe we can get out together, like you said. Anything's possible with the Capitol's goodness," he says, and I hear the laughter in his voice.

"Yes, they're very generous. They gave me soup earlier tonight and I didn't get a chance to finish it," I say, my tone lightening as the knot in my stomach unties slightly.

"Why don't you go finish it now?" Cabel asks, giving me a hand up. We walk together back to my room.

"See you in the morning, Dove," he says, and he hugs me.

"Will Mum be okay?" I whisper.

"She'll be fine."

"Goodnight, Cabel."

"Night."

I sit and eat the last of my cooling soup before climbing back into bed and turning the lights off. Sleep doesn't come, not with the information I've been overloaded with. I'm going to try to get out, I have to get out with Cabel.

Now I'm not so sure I will.