Chapter 42- Dove Rosestar

I sit, huddled in a tree, waiting for the sun to rise. It won't, not for a long time yet. The faces in the sky only just faded. One was the little girl from 3. The other was my brother.

I've cried until there's no tears left in me. I looked for Cabel for two days, and he was taken away from me in less than a minute. After he died, I stayed by him for hours, holding his hand. I knew if I left he would be taken away by the hovercraft and I'd never see him again. So I stayed with him. Felt him grow cold; until you couldn't even tell that he had breathed and laughed and lived.

What is Mum feeling? Her son, her favorite, is dead. We all knew Cabel was her favorite, but he was my favorite too.

What am I going to do without him?

When the sun began its decline in the sky, I knew it was time to leave Cabel, no matter how much it hurt. I squeezed his cold hand one more time. "Bye, Cabel," I whispered, then walked away from my brother into the bushes. I wasn't going to stay where he died. It was time to move on. The jungle fell silent around me as I walked, except for one high bird call.

When I looked back, my brother was gone.

I threw some rocks and sticks, furious at the world. Furious at the Capitol. I swear, if I ever get out of this hell, I'm going straight home and joining the rebellion myself. The Capitol killed my brother with their Games and their snakes. I hate them!

I stumbled upon a small pool after a little while, which is what Cabel must have meant when he said he knew where he could get water. I filled my bottle and sipped from it for a little while. Numb, I feel numb. I want to scream but I can't. Not here.

I recognized some berries that were in Training, and I stripped the bushes and ate as much as I could. I bundled the rest up in a big leaf, and I have it sitting here beside me in a tree fork. I stare off into the distance, which is just the dark. What now?

"What am I going to do?" I say aloud. There's nobody around to hear me speak. I don't want to stay in the jungle another day, even if it means easy food and water. I can't be where Cabel died, where there are snakes just waiting to kill at any moment. I have to get out to the desert tomorrow, one way or another.

The jungle at night is quieter, but never silent. I can still hear little crackles as something small moves around, something flutters overhead. I'm so scared. I had Cabel, and now I've lost him, and I'm all alone in the arena. Dove alone. I don't want to be alone. It crosses my mind to find another ally, but who would ally with me now? And who would I even want? There's nobody.

Cabel's last moments play over and over in my head, and they won't leave me alone. How he fell, writhed, and went still. How he died less than a minute after we made plans to live here, away from the other tributes. I bury my face in my hands, though no more tears come. I've cried myself out.

I'm so alone, more alone than I've ever been in my whole life. Even when I was lost in the desert, I knew that I was going to find Cabel, that it was temporary. I'm broken, and even if I get out and go back to District 6, nothing is going to be able to put me back together.

A song comes to mind, an old mourning song from District 6. I need to sing it, for Cabel. He would have wanted it. I start quietly, hugging myself, my voice hoarse.

"Remembrance is a sweet flower,

I remember you, my friend.

I saw you at your deathly hour;

I saw you at your very end.

Forgetting is a bitter rose,

I won't forget you, my friend.

I was with you at your close;

My strength to you I did lend.

Parting is a sorrowful task,

And I will miss you, my friend.

Wish me well is all I ask;

Until I see you again."

It's sung at funerals, when we say goodbye to someone we love. And I loved Cabel, my brother. My friend. I think back to the night when he told me he was a rebel. When he told me that if he died I should go on without him and win. That's what he wanted, so that's what I'll do. He knew he wouldn't get out alive. I have to, to keep his memory alive.

If I don't, he'll just be another tribute, forgotten easily.

I doze off a few times, but snap back awake after a few minutes. I'm too scared to sleep for long. After a while, a long while, I realize that I'm not going to be able to sleep. I might as well move on and use the cover of darkness to get out. I take another sip of water and a handful of berries. It's time to go.

I climb down from my tree perch and try to decide which way to go, which way is easiest to get out of. To my left, there's thorn bushes and other nasty things; to my right is denser forest. Not the way I came in. The only two ways left for me are forward and backward. I reluctantly realize that to get out of here, I'll have to go back the way I came in.

"You can do this, Dove," I say, trying to make myself feel braver than I am right now. "You crossed the desert alone. You survived the spiders and the tornadoes and the tributes." My voice catches on tributes. Killing Cedar has splintered me inside. Between her and seeing Cabel die, I'll never get myself put back together.

"Focus, Dove." Somehow, speaking aloud to myself makes me feel better. Time to go.

With one last look around, I set off through the jungle. Is it usually this cold in the mornings?