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I'm not done yet making people miserable. If they're going to make me miserable, then I'm going to make them miserable.
— Brett Hull—
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"For your crimes against the crown and the citizens of Dreamland, I, King Dee the First, exile you from my kingdom!" declared the King.
"I fear his Majesty is too kind," commented the knight standing beside the king. "Marx should be put to death or at the very least imprisoned."
King Dee's face was filled with pity as he shook his head. "Everyone deserves a second chance, my old friend, but this fellow…" he turned his eyes back to the disgraced jester. "…he can find that somewhere else!"
Marx glared hatefully at the blue penguin clad in red robes with a golden crown on his head and the Kiridian dressed in dark armor standing beside the throne. He hated them both.
"Remember Marx, the Fool, should you ever return, I will have no choice but to execute you! Guards! Throw him out!"
The cappy guards picked him up and escorted him outside the castle walls.
"You were never a funny clown…" one of the guards remarked dryly. "I think the King should have listened to Sir Metello Knight's advice and put you out of your misery."
Marx kicked his feet in defiance. Happy that he managed to kick one of the guards in the chin. "One day I will rule over all of you peons!" he snarled viciously. "And you will serve me!"
The guard simply snorted. "Yeah right, now get lost, jester!" the cappy guard didn't bother to finish escorting him out but simply kicked him right into a moat below the bridge.
If it wasn't a beheading, drowning was a close second to death. Marx sputtered, "I-I can't swim!" He fought to stay afloat as he cried for help.
"I guess he is funny after all!" the two guards laughed at his pathetic disposition before reentering the castle without caring if he had lived or died. Marx managed to dog paddle to the shore using his feet. He coughed and hacked trying to clear his lungs. As he sat on a muddy pile in the trench. He looked upon that beautiful stone castle basking in the sunset.
"This will be my palace one day... so will the crown!" was all Marx kept promising himself. "When I become king of Dreamland, they will all pay!"
Marx had no choice but to abandon his quest for the time being. Many years had passed when finally, the news of King Dee's death reached him. Marx tried to return, but then the king's son and heir, King DeeDee ascended to the throne and was aware of his father's old nemesis.
So, Marx grudgingly bided his time. Waiting for King DeeDee to also bite the dust. It seemed he would never get a chance until now in the reign of King Dedede. Unlike his predecessors, this ruler was an oblivious airheaded fool. He knew nothing of Marx nor about the great treasure laying in dormant beneath the castle...
It was nearing sunset.
Just like that evening so many years ago. Marx gazed up from the very same spot as he remembered his banishment. His scheme didn't go as planned last time, but this time things were going to be different! This time he would succeed! Marx used his ball to bounce over the moat and onto the castle walls. He climbed the rest of the way up. Once at the top, Marx hunched down to observe.
Security was lax, just as he had expected. Good. There were only a few Waddle Dees on duty at this hour, and they were preoccupied with card games or eating a snack they had snuck out of the kitchens. They did not even notice him as he sprinted past.
Further in is when things got tricky. In place of a cellar was now a dungeon. Marx continued, going on pure memory alone. He came to a halt when he came face to face with a brick wall signaling a dead-end. Marx smirked at the pitiful attempt to hide what was truly there. Marx was about to look for an opening when a shadow overtook him.
"Who are you and why have you trespassed on the King's grounds?"
Marx whipped around. All he saw were twinkling eyes of gold in the darkness. For a moment Marx feared that it was Sir Metello. That troublesome knight who thawed his plans so many moons ago, but that would be silly. He died the same day Crescent Starray perished. Good Riddance to him, but this one bore an uncanny resemblance to Sir Metello...
"Well?" the knight prompted.
After composing himself, Marx quipped, "Um... sightseeing?"
The Knight narrowed his eyes.
Unlike the other oblivious imbeciles, this one was too observant and apparently took his job very seriously. How convenient that he was also a damn puffball. Marx clenched his fangs. He hated Kiridians. Those meddling chivalric knights always stuck their noses into other people's business for the pure sake of upholding peace and justice. It made him sick.
"May I suggest you leave or else I will have to place you under arrest for trespassing," his tone left no room for argument.
"How can I possibly say no to that? Ta-ta!" Marx bounced out of his range.
Sneaking in and out of the palace was no longer an option if Meta Knight was there guarding it. "I've waited too long for this!" Marx growled. Kirby was out of his way. Now he had to get rid of Meta Knight too, but how? Marx gasped as the idea came to him. The answer was so obvious: who better than King Dedede to assist him with this new task?
King Dedede slumped against the rails of his balcony as he took in the sight of another sunset in dreamy old Dreamland. A place of eternal summers and early springs. Bright sunny weather and clean running rivers. White sandy beaches, lush green forests, and the open meadows blooming with every kind of flower. Down near the valley's end was the humble little Cappy Town. The simple folk who lived there were a close-knitted community who paid their taxes on time.
All this bliss was all too boring for him!
"I miss that little pink pipsqueak!" Dedede whined, flailing his arms around in a tantrum. Kirby was no troublemaker, but trouble always seemed to find her and that usually meant some type of excitement to liven things up.
"My ears must be deceiving me," Escargoon muttered. He moved about the king's room with a duster in hand.
"What did ya say?" Dedede demanded.
"You always wanted Kirby gone, your majesty, so I thought you would be happy-"
"If the attention was on me I would!" Dedede retorted with a huff. "Poor Kirby this, Poor Kirby that!" he grumbled. "That's all those cappies ever talk about whenever I ride into town! Moaning and groaning 'bout where poor 'ol Kirby is! Even those lowly watermelon farmers miss the little nuisance! HA! Never thought I'd live to see that day!"
Dedede began to pace around his bedroom restlessly. "And then dat there Arthur is still in my kingdom tryin' to call all the shots!" he continued to rant.
Escargoon rolled his eyes. Figures the king would be jealous of Sir Arthur. A mere steward who acted kinglier than the actual king. "Well, he is leading all the search parties, your majesty," Escargoon pointed out. "The cappies rally behind him to help him look for Kirby-"
"It's been six months and they still haven't found her!" Dedede complained. "They are all like useless bloodhounds that cannot catch a scent!"
Growing tired of the King's griping, Escargoon turned to Dedede with hands on his hips. "You can always help them look, sire," he suggested.
"I did help them look!"
With strained patience, Escargoon advised, "For more than five minutes."
"Bah!" Dedede waved him off. "It's the gesture that counts!"
"Of course, sire, whatever you say," Escargoon turned back to his cleaning with a sigh. Even he was not in the mood to take jabs at Dedede this late in the day. Thank goodness he was about to be off the clock.
"That's right!" Dedede swelled, crossing his arms. "Because I'm the king!"
"As if we need a reminder…" Escargoon grumbled. The king had been in a sour mood ever since Kirby disappeared. For all their sakes Escargoon wished she would reappear already.
"Aha!" Dedede exclaimed suddenly.
Escargoon let out a startled yelp, nearly dropping the vase he was polishing. "W-What!?"
"I know what can cheer me up!"
"...what would that be, sire?"
"To see Meta Knight's face!"
"…eh, what?" Escargoon asked confused. Well, that certainly came out of nowhere, but so did a lot of King Dedede's schemes.
"I've always wanted to see what was underneath that mask of his!" Dedede marched out the door with some pep in his step. "Might as well be the night! Hey Waddle Doo!" he called to his Captain of the Guard. "Fetch me, Meta Knight! I'll be waiting in my throne room!"
The captain of the guard saluted him. "Right away, sir!" Waddle Doo ran off down the hall to find the knight.
"Wait for me, sire!" Escargoon hurried after the king. He had always been curious himself. At the revelation of Kirby and Meta Knight being the same species, it would be a funny sight to see!
Dedede sat upon his throne and Escargoon stood by his side. Within five minutes his sworn knight came before his throne.
"You have summoned me, your majesty?" Meta Knight inquired softly.
"Yea, I did!" Dedede pointed a finger at him. "Take off dat darn mask of yours!" he ordered. "I wanna see your real face!"
There was a pause. The king and knight stared at each other for a long moment.
"No," Meta Knight finally replied.
"Wha…?" Dedede almost couldn't believe it, even Escargoon quirked a brow. Meta Knight has never openly refused the king before and Dedede did not like that. "What do ya mean, no?" he glowered.
"I am not removing my mask simply for your amusement, sire."
"The reason doesn't matter! I gave you a direct order, Meta Knight!" Dedede bellowed. "And as your king, I am ordering you in my name to remove that mask!"
"That's right, Meta Knight!" Escargoon quipped from the king's side. "What are you hiding under there?"
"If that is all his majesty has to say then I will retire early for the night. It has been a rather taxing day..." Meta Knight stiffed a yawn. "Goodnight, sire." Without waiting for his dismissal, Meta Knight turned to exit the throne room.
"…h-hey! HEY! You get back here and take off your mask! I am the King! And as your King-"
The door slammed shut behind Meta Knight.
Escargoon's jaw dropped. Not daring to utter a sound. The silence that followed was the calm before the storm.
"HOW DARE HE DEFY ME!" Dedede roared, now spitting mad. "Grrrr! I gotta find out what is under that mask at all costs! ESCARGOON!"
"Y-Yes, sire?" the snail was almost afraid to ask.
"You go bring Meta Knight back in here!"
"Me?" Escargoon began to back up. "Sire, have you lost your mind?" he yelped. "I rather fight Kirby than confront Meta Knight! At least Kirby knows how to pull her punches, er, her suck-ups I mean!"
Dedede went quiet. His fists clenched and his mouth pulled back into an enraged sneer. Escargoon cowered back, but a whack from the king's hammer never came. Dedede exploded, "THEN NOBODY CAN DO IT!" he wailed. "If only I could call Nightmare Enterprises, but that delivery service is long gone!"
Dedede slumped back in a defeated mope.
"There, there," Escargoon tried to make the king feel better. "I will have the Waddle Dees make you an early midnight snack tonight, sire. What would you like?"
"I WANT A PICTURE OF META KNIGHT'S FACE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!" Dedede snapped irritably.
"But, sire, I can't get that for you!"
"Then perhaps I can..." a bodiless voice echoed throughout the throne room.
Dedede jumped to his feet, startled. "Who said that?" he glanced around anxiously. "Who's there?!"
"I did oh great King Dedede!" Out of the shadows came a little jester walking on a ball. The bells on his jester hat tinkled a merry tune as he rolled right up to Dedede's throne and bowed deeply.
"And who are you supposed to be?" Dedede barked.
Escargoon squinted his eyes distrustfully at the newcomer. "And how did you even get past our security?" he demanded to know but was ignored.
"I am Marx, a humble jester by trade!" he introduced himself to Dedede. "I can help you get a picture of Meta Knight's face, but I would like something in exchange..."
"Hmph! Well, that figures!" Dedede grumbled, crossing his arms. "What do ya want?"
"I came to Dreamland with dreams of becoming a big star! I want to perform live on Channel DDD!"
"Really? Hahahaha!" Dedede laughed condescendingly at Marx. "I doubt a little guy like you can be up to the task!"
"Oh, but I am!" Marx promised as he bounced up and down on his ball. "Just give me a chance, your majesty, and I will exceed your expectations!"
This was a good opportunity for free labor. Not to mention that Channel DDD has been lacking some good content lately to keep those lame brain cappies preoccupied and out of his shadier ventures.
"Well..." Dedede rubbed under his chin as if he was thinking hard about it and still unconvinced. "I may be able to give you a 20-minute run slot if you get what I ask for. But if you fail, it's your funeral, kid!" Dedede laughed and Escargoon chimed in with him.
"I can do even better than that!" Marx boasted. "How about I get you Meta Knight's mask too?"
Dedede leaned forward with interest. "Really now?" he asked.
"Why would his majesty want that old thing?" Escargoon scoffed. "It's all chipped and battered!"
"It's a glorious souvenir for his majesty to mock an unruly servant!" Marx smiled cruelly. "Meta Knight should be humiliated for defying the Great King Dedede!"
Dedede's eyes gleamed deviously. "He's right, Escargoon!" he agreed. "Meta Knight must be put back in his place! Alright, you got a deal, Marx! You'll go teach Meta Knight that nobody tells me no and gets away with it!"
"Of course, great king. But before I begin, may I humbly acquire the assistance of your Waddle Dees for this task?" Marx asked.
"Eh? Those numbnuts?" Dedede waved a flippant paw. "Sure, whatever! I'll have Waddle Doo at your service, just get me those pictures!"
"As you wish, my lord," Marx bowed. He rolled backward and out of the throne room, shutting the doors behind him.
Dedede sat back on his throne feeling awed. "I've never been called "my lord" before… what a nice groveling fellow he is! You can take a lesson from him Esgargoon!" Dedede jabbed his snaily servant in the side.
Escargoon swatted away Dedede's paw. "I don't like him, sire. He seems shady…" he grumbled. "…shadier than us! And that's saying something!"
"Even better!" Dedede laughed merrily. He was so happy that things were finally starting to get interesting around Dreamland again, even without Kirby. "Shady folk are my type! Now then..." he rubbed his paws together. "Go make me an ice cream sundae with extra fudge and nuts on top! I feel like celebrating!"
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Next Chapter: Sins of the Past
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