A/N: I know updates aren't even close to regular. I do. I'm working full time and trying to bang out my school classes as soon as possible to get my degree finished. It's kicking my ass. Bear with me.

I DO NOT OWN TEEN WOLF, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.

Chapter Seven:

I spent the next night at Derek's. I hadn't planned on it, but Caroline insisted that she didn't mind bringing me clothes by. Derek mentioned that he had been contemplating painting a few rooms in his house, but he needed help picking out a color. I offered to help, but it ended up taking much longer than we anticipated.

Spending time with Derek was starting to feel normal and eerily domestic. It's mind-numbingly easy to be comfortable with him. There weren't any secret expectations to meet. I didn't have to worry about being punished for messing up, somehow.

No matter how at peace things seemed… I couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop. I know that it's only a matter of time, before I have to face the music. People like me don't get a happy ending. I know that. I've accepted it. I just know how to be still.

I'm terrified of everything. I'm terrified of the dark. I'm terrified of silence. I terrified of noises. I'm terrified of being touched. I'm terrified of being hit. I'm terrified that Damon is going to show up and drag me back into that hell that he turned my life into. I'm terrified that I'll always be this shallow, pathetic shell of the woman I used to be. I'm terrified that Damon was right about all of the things he said. I'm terrified that no one will ever love me. I'm terrified that I don't deserve to be loved.

"Hey," Derek's soft voice broke through the silence. "I appreciate all of your help today… I'm pretty sure most of the paint would've ended up on the floor, if it wasn't for you." He joked. I let out a soft laugh. I was surprised at how genuine it was and how easy it felt. "That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard." Derek admitted.

"What is?" I asked him, confused.

"You're laugh," he replied simply. I blushed and looked down. No matter how hard I try, I can never stop comparing him to Damon. They have so few similarities. He's everything that Damon lacks. Above everything else, Derek is kind.

Even though I don't know him that well, I don't believe that Derek would ever lie to me. Even if hearing the truth will be brutal, he gives it anyway. That's just how he is – honest. I love that about him. I respect him for it. I know that he means what he says, I just don't see how his view of me can be so warped… There's nothing beautiful about me. I've come to terms with that truth a long time ago.

"I can almost hear your mind going a mile a minute… You know… you don't have to believe me, when I say things like that, but I hope that one day you will." He breathed. I looked up at him, still unsure of what to say.

"I… Okay," I whispered. He sighed at my response and I bit my lip.

"I almost wish that I had met you before everything with Damon happened." He breathed. He offered me a soft smile. "I bet you were a force to be reckoned with and your smile could light up a room… But if I met you before, you wouldn't be the same person you are now and that would be a damn shame."

"Why?" I asked, out of sheer curiosity. I'm having trouble following his logic.

"Because I genuinely love the person you are now. It kills me that you don't see how incredible you are." He replied, without hesitation. I tried to swallow the growing lump on my throat, as I felt my nose start to burn and my eyes start to water. I took a deep breath and left the room. I walked outside, not caring if it was the middle of the night. I felt like I was suffocating in there. I wrapped my arms around myself, as my chin began to tremble and my tears started to fall. Everything is so messed up – so messed up.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Derek's voice sounded behind me. I jumped and mentally berated myself. I never even heard him come outside. "I'm sorry." He apologized. I hastily wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I wish that you had met me before, too… I used to be so strong." I breathed.

"You still are. You may not see it, Bonnie, but you are." He argued. He stepped closer to me, so he was standing in front of me. He looked hesitant for a moment, before putting his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him. "If I didn't care about you as much as I do, I'd kiss you right now." He leaned down and I tried to ignore how tiny I felt. His lips touched my forehead and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to his chest.

I found myself wishing that he had kissed me. I wondered if his lips would feel as soft against my own. I knew he was right. I didn't know if it was a good idea. I doubted that I could handle it. No matter how I felt, it didn't change the unavoidable truth. Derek deserved better than me. He always would.

"You shouldn't… You deserve someone so much better than me." I murmured against his chest. I heard him sigh, as he pulled away from me and broke our embrace. He cupped the side of my face, before moving his thumb underneath my chin. He forced me to look up at him, because otherwise we both knew that I wouldn't.

"Bonnie," his voice was gruff and it made him sound more vulnerable that I've ever heard him before. "There is no one better than you." The way he said it – it sounded like a promise. If it was anyone but Derek, I would just brush off the words as sweet nothings being used to try to manipulate me. But Derek… Derek has this heartbreaking sincerity when he talks to me. When he says something, I want to believe it and I almost do.

"No," I argued. No matter how much I wanted to believe him, I just couldn't.

"Bonnie," Derek started to say something, but stopped himself. He looked down at me and we locked eyes. Derek leaned down and covered my lips with his own. I gasped against him, as my eyes fluttered shut. My heart was beating like crazy and my brain seemed to shut down. I kissed him back, before I could overthink things.

His hand caressed the side of my face gently, as his other hand cradled me to him gingerly. Even though I had never kissed Derek before, I knew he was holding back. That realization ripped me from my momentary reverie. I broke the kiss and took a few steps backwards. My hand flew to my mouth.

Derek just kissed me – and I kissed him back. What just happened? I wrapped my arms around myself and sank to the ground. I couldn't stop picturing Damon showing up and beating the shit out of me for kissing someone else. I shouldn't have done that. How could I be so stupid?! Damon was right. After all this time… I still didn't know my place…

"Hey, whatever you're thinking – stop. You're allowed to feel however you're feeling. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel or punish you for it." Derek sat down next to me and I looked over at him. I let out a shaky breath and he tried to dry my tears. "I know that it was too soon to kiss you, I just… I didn't know how else to show you that I wasn't feeding you a load of bullshit. You're amazing and I hate that he made you feel so inferior."

I don't know how he does it, but it's like Derek knows exactly what to say. Maybe it's because of his sister, Laura? Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for it.

No matter what I do, I can't help feeling that I'm in over my head and I'm beginning to drown. It's all I can do to get in a breath of air. Heaven help me.