The Diego Diaries: PLAY BALL! (dd7 65)
=0=At the Primal Box, Retriades
He came up the steps in garb not seen since Halloween. He sort of floated up the steps, then walked into the Prime Box to take his seat in the front while all around him his family and in-laws laughed or frowned (Ravel) at his antics. Standing beside Prowl, Ratchet waited for the winger to notice him. It would take a moment because Prowl was leaning over the edge checking out the corners and sidelines of the arena.
He was strategist of the football team, Our Prowl. He was also the 'fount of endless wisdom' for the basketball team, even devising a video game to run scenarios for Prime('s deeply amused edification.)
Ratchet on the other hand waited with a giant smile on his face. It was all that could really be seen given that the top part of his helm was obscured by a wide brimmed hat. It sat on his helm, room for finials allowed and sported a giant brim that stood straight out from the hat part all the way around. It was the sort of thing peasants wore in the dark ages or a Pope wore on occasion, only sporting a much wider brim.
Covering his body from top to bottom was a long robe or cape. It was like someone cut a hole in a table cloth and put their head through it. It hung all the way to the ground to cover him from shoulders to ped without even holes for his arms. He stood beside Prowl like a smiling haystack.
Huge laughter rippled through the stadium as the crowd noticed. Cameras came about and he ended up on the jumbotron which hung from the ceiling in the middle of the arena.
Prowl glanced up to see the laughter, then upward still to the jumbotron. His expression was priceless as he saw the apparition beside him. Straightening like a shot, he glanced at Ratchet with incredulity. Ratchet continued to stare straight ahead without moving, his giant smile beaming delight with his world to the greater one all around him.
"WHAT ARE YOU!? HOW!? WHAT THE FRAG!" Prowl said as he gripped the railing in front of him. "WHAT THE FRAG, LOON!?"
=0=Elsewhere, all over the place
"What the hell is Ratchet wearing?" Will Lennox said as he sat on a couch in the crowded lounge area of the Tower Habitat. There were literally hundreds of humans there to watch, all of them either N.E.S.T strikers or their families and friends.
And kids.
Dogs.
Cats.
A couple of myna birds that swore like sailors.
And could imitate any sound or voice like a phone dialing, someone named (fill in the blank) asking for a 'fucking beer', dogs barking, children laughing … they were without limit, the big black crow-like maniacs.
Those guys.
And the 'comfort' tiny horse.
"I think I saw Pope John Paul II wear that hat," Mama Fig said with a chuckle. "That boy, Ratchet … he's so funny."
No one disagreed though it was clear to everyone there that he was Abbott to Prowl's Costello.
=0=Earth2
"More cheer gear from the mech who holds access to the Prime for every project that we propose," Kyle Davis said with a slight grin. "Hard to believe."
"Not really," Owen Harris said with a chuckle. "That mech is about as wily and tactical as they come."
"This is tactical?" Mariah asked as they sat together in their apartment to watch the game. Everyone in their circle was there. Everyone else was either on duty with it on their handhelds or in the concourse rec room watching on the giant screens.
"One of the best tactical advantages a person can have is to create in others the idea that you're less than you really are. He's a master at misleading and putting you off your game," Pierre Beliveau said. "Its an arrogant fool that doesn't understand how he operates and how good he is at it."
"I think he's hilarious," Rick Harris said with a chuckle.
"I don't," Cameron Frazer said.
"You wouldn't," Rick said with a smile. "Sore loser."
Even Pierre Beliveau would grin at that remark.
Only Rick Harris could make it.
Rick was slowly but surely becoming one of the 'good guys'.
=0=Earth 1
"OH MY GOD! RATCHET!" -everyone at the habitat
"I love basketball. I never liked it until now but I LOVE basketball. GO, IACON!" Sandra Clark, wife of Brandon said loudly.
"GO, KAON! I want to see them play each other for the crown," Brandon Clark said.
Everyone in the crowded overflowing room agreed. A basketball party was underway here and everywhere else where humans resided on world. Life seldom got as good as this.
=0=Unidad Terra 1
"OH MY GOD! RATCHET!" Carly said as Ratchet appeared in the box.
"Makes you wonder what he has under that shroud?" Sam Witwicky said as he sat beside her in the vast overflowing concourse rec room before six GIANT screens placed around for viewing. It was nearly a circular view of the spectacle available to all and the party going on was half the show.
It was good to be Martian.
=0=Blazz and Jaster
"I have to tell you, Jazz, I've known a lot of diplomats in my time but this one's in a class by himself," a commentator said from Denmark.
"Ratchet's unique. He LOVES fun and he's not afraid to embarrass Prowl. In fact, its one of his hobby pastimes. Poor Prowl's outclassed six ways to Sunday, as you humans say," Jazz said around his laughter.
"I wish I was there," Dan Patrick said from ESPN New York.
"Get your passport updated and submitted, Dan, and I can get you here," Jazz said. "Lazy aft."
He smirked at Jazz. "Okay," he said to mockery and laughter on several continents of Earth and an oasis of light on Mars.
=0=Cybertron
"GO, KAON!"
"GO, IACON!"
"GO, VOS!"
"GO, POLYHEX!"
"GO, UPPER TETRAHEX!"
"Upper Tetrahex doesn't have a team."
"YET!"
[Pause]
Two voices: "GO, UPPER TETRAHEX!"
"CYBERTRON NEEDS BASKETBALL TEAMS! CYBERTRON NEEDS BASKETBALL TEAMS! CYBERTRON NEEDS-!"
=0=The Resort at Autobot City
"OH MY GOD! HOW LUCKY FOR US TO BE HERE DURING A GAME!"
"The only thing better is the Festival of Primus and Christmas."
"I like Christmas. Maybe we can come back for it."
"There's a waiting list of 7.4 billion people ahead of you."
"Shit."
"I hear ya."
=0=Prowl v Ratchets
He stared at Ratchet with incredulity, then shoved his arm. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?"
Ratchet looked at Prowl. "My latest cheer gear ensemble. I think I'm going to start an Etsy store."
"TAKE IT OFF! YOU'RE THE DIPLOMAT FOR THE EMPIRE!"
"Do you REALLY want me to take it off?" Ratchet asked with a grin.
Prowl froze. "No. Don't take it off, Loon. I order you not to take it off."
"What did you say? Take it off?" Ratchet asked.
"NO. Don't," Prowl said as he gripped the drape over Ratchet's helm. "I will station you at Camp Recluse for eternity if you do."
"STATION AWAY!" Ratchet said as he pulled back from Prowl.
Prowl who found himself with a handful of Ratchet's robe lunged for him but it was too late. The robe slipped over Ratchet's helm and pulled his hat off. The struggle was brief, then Ratchet was freed. He straightened up, then held up his arms like some kind of dude who carried the ball to the end zone and was about to start his idiot dance.
That guy.
Prowl froze as he looked at Ratchet.
Everyone gasped as they saw what Ratchet had on under the robe.
The cameras zoomed into Ratchet.
The crowd turned to the jumbotron.
All hell broke out in the arena.
=0=Everywhere else (Consensus opinions reached through a mathematical formula that requires a wang computer)
Earth2: "OH MY GOD! THAT'S THE DIPLOMAT FOR THE *PRIME*?!"
Earth 1: "OH MY GOD! I WANT HIM TO ADOPT ME!"
Unidad Terra 1: "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THOSE TWO! I WANT THEM BOTH TO ADOPT ME!"
United Nations Consulate: "I wish I could fathom the kind of humor that would do this. I want a pound of it for myself. Damn! I love those two."
(Ever the diplomats)
Family Tower: "SQUEEEEE!" -Teasdales
"I love those two. They weren't as funny when they first came given all the hoo-haw about the AllSpark and all but then things were a lot harder at the time. THEY DESTROYED MY HOUSE!" -Judy Witwicky going down memory lane
"I want them to adopt me." -recurrent theme among the habitats
Resort: "Epic. This is epic. I thought Green Bay Packer fans were insane. This is in a class by itself."
"My brother-in-law would kill to be here for this. BWAHAHA! JERK! I TOLD him to get his reservations in early. BUT NO! He was just *that* much smarter than me WHO IS HERE! BWAHAHAHA! WHO'S THE JACKASS NOW!?"
Sciences: Sound of crickets chirping. All of the inmates are at bigger habitats or the Tower to watch the game.
N.E.S.T. HQ: "How you doing, Trevor?" -someone on a cell phone
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" -Trevor who was low man on the totem pole at N.E.S.T Ops Center standing by over the systems. A huge monitor played the game and food and beer was to be had. It didn't help.
Much.
Primal Box:
"RATCHET!" -Ravel fighting the usual losing battle even as he held his Iacon pom poms and wore his Iacon hat with the flags sticking out of it
"BWAHAHAHAHA! SUNNY! THAT'S MY SUNNY!" -Appa Ratchets
"I think those two are the best part of the games, Tagg."
"I agree with you, Kes." HUGE laughter.
"THAT'S MY SON, RATCHET! HE KNOWS HOW TO CHEER FOR OUR TEAM!" -Tie Down alerting everyone around him that his son was a jackass for Iacon
Down front where the real battle was going on …
Ratchet preened and bowed to the crowd as he held up a giant foam finger with Iacon written on it. Together with his garb which had been hidden by the cloak, he presented a spectacle of cheer for Iacon that had to be seen to be believed.
Prowl stared at him, then leaped into the air. He landed on Ratchet and down they went protected from view by the railing in front of their seats. The roar from the crowd was astonishing.
The Basketball Arena, Court 2 was rocking.
=0=In locker rooms down below
"That old mech is a caution," Ironhide said proudly.
"Prowl is never going to win these encounters," Sun said with a chuckle. "Poor slagger."
Prime who was laughing glanced at Sun. "He does try."
"He does. Your little buddy does have that going for him," Jack said as he leaned back to enjoy the show on the monitor nearby.
"Super fans deserve a salute. Maybe we can give him one when we go out. Maybe both of them," Raptor said with a devilish grin. He leaned in to tell everyone who laughed, then agreed. It would be epic.
Even Prime would agree.
=0=The siren to begin
They heard it, then clambered up from the mutual beating that was ongoing on the floor. They staggered a moment, then looked down below. Teams were entering, Polyhex first, then Iacon. The crowd roared as they lined up for their hakas, the salutes, then the game to begin.
Polyhex roared their quality, moving across the floor toward Iacon and when they were finished, turned their backs on Iacon to walk contemptuously back to their side.
The place went nuts.
Iacon roared out as well taunting the slaggers, bellowing and stomping toward their enemies. When they were finished, they walked back, showing their contempt as well.
Even Prime.
Then the anthems played, the teams were called and the refs were getting ready to ref when Iacon stepped out as one onto the floor. Prime whispered to a ref, everyone on the team took a ball, then as one threw them at Ratchet and Prowl at the same time.
They didn't duck fast enough as they were hit with about sixteen immaculately accurate basketballs. Fortunately, their armor was stellar, the throws weren't terribly hard and they managed to stay on their peds anyway.
Mostly.
Laughing hugely, Iacon's Invaders walked off but for the starting line up, then the teams both set to play.
Ratchet swayed and so did Prowl as they glanced at each other. That's when Prowl jumped on Ratchet again. It was also when Prime and Ty-R of Polyhex leaped upward for the ball.
=0=TBC 8-18-19
A detailed assessment of Ratchet's complete ensemble is coming up next. ^,,^ :D