The Diego Diaries: PLAY BALL! (dd7 66)
=0=Jump ball
Prime got the ball.
Ty-R got his wrist.
Prime got swung around like a hoolah hoop.
Yes. Ty-R of Polyhex was one big 'mo-fo'. So sayeth The Epps.
Epps presently sayeth-ing at the Tower: "Damn! That guy is one big mo-fo." (Epps self editing in front of his Nanas and Papas.)
He still got a slap on the head from his wife.
At the same time Ty-R was making Prime his personal pinata, Prowl was slagging the living crap out of Ratchet. Hands then gripped him from Venture and Tagg to pull him up. He shook them off unaware it was them as Ratchet staggered up with a big sappy smile on his face.
Ratchet turned to the crowd and spread his arms again. HUGE laughter greeted that as much as the spectacle of the First Disciple of Primus spinning around a huge mech with gigantic servos.
Ratchet turned to Prowl. "LIKE MY DUDS!? I DESIGNED THEM JUST FOR YOU!"
Ratchet wore some kind of stretchy bodysuit and all over it strategically placed were images of Prowl with a growl on his handsome face. It covered Ratchet from helm to ped, the images themselves large enough to be seen and discerned but not too big (at the moment) to be 'garish'. Prowl was growling off his chest, his aft, his cod piece, his big old peds and all over his body, big and little images all in full color.
"WHAT THE FRAG!" Prowl said as he balled his fists again.
"YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET, GRANNY!" Ratchet said as he whipped out of subspace a remote control device.
"What are you doing? What?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO!?" Prowl asked as he grabbed at the remote.
He was too late.
Ratchet pressed the control button and his suit inflated. It was so big he looked like a round ball but with caveats. Erupting all over it were smaller inflations that made him look like a mad udder. At the end of each teat-like inflation was a now enlarged image of Prowl snarling.
It was absolutely mad.
And hilarious.
On the top of Ratchet's helm were two smaller ones that looked like horns. With about thirty Prowl faces staring out at Prowl from the enlargements all over the suit, it made Ratchet look like a mutant udder.
Prowl hit him in the face.
Ratchet fell backward, then bounced back up again, his arms flailing. The remote went over the side. Prowl hit him again, he fell, then bounced back again. Over and over it went.
Ravel who was watching with a mix of appalled fascination and acute parental embarrassment climbed up on the seats in front of him, then stepped down until he was nearly on top of Ratchet. Transforming a digit to a small knife, he stuck Ratchet in one of his bigger inflations. When he did, a rush of air flew out, hit the cold, then lifted Ratchet over the barrier to fall to the floor 70 feet below.
Ravel jumped down and with Prowl and nearly everyone else who could, he looked down. He did so in time to see Ratchet bounce nearly all the way back up to them.
Ratchet laughed, then smiled brilliantly as he bounced up. He did, that is, until Prowl punched his face.
Ratchet fell back down, bounced up at a lower height as the air in his suit began to leak out with each bounce in a loud fart-like sound. He would bounce up, land, make a loud rude sound, then bounce up again.
As he did, the play was halted.
Prime who was finally getting his footing watched as Ratchet bounced in front of him in what looked like a giant udder with Prowl's face all over it. He and Ty-R both stopped the struggle to watch as the arena lost its shit. Both benches of both teams were doing the same as they watched Ratchet bounce, 'pass wind' as its said in polite society, then fly upward again.
After about five big bounces, Ratchet ran out of 'wind' and fell flat on his back to lay on the court spreadeagled.
Ironhide walked over to peer down at him. "Ratchet. You still alive?"
Blue optics opened, then a giant smile flashed. "Yep. Hi, Ironhide. How come there's 35 of you?"
Ironhide chuckled as he glanced at Prime who was holding the ball as he stood over Ratchet, grinning at Ratchet even as he filmed the suit for later comedy. As they did, three tunnels erupted with a spilling forth of infant do-gooders and their many and various medi-kits made just for them. They were the right size, covered in tattoos as well as pictures of their supervisors and favorite horses and gripped tightly in their fists as they ran for the scene of the disaster.
They gathered around Ratchet as Breakdown walked out to join them.
Sil knelt. "Commander Ratchet … you aren't dead are you?"
Ratchet snickered. "No. I think I fell out of a comet. Can you call a cab? I have to make soup for someone."
"Make it for yourself, Old Mech," Ironhide said as everyone of the kids opened their kits, removed their scanners made just for them and began to hit Ratchet with them all at once.
"Ow," Ratchet said with a grin.
The kids scanned everything, lifting arms and legs to get the undersides as well. Then they stepped aside to compare notes and formulate their conclusions.
Breakdown who had duty on this game with Knockout and Breakdown watching in the stands stood beside Prime and Ironhide. "Ratchet is hilarious."
Prime snickered. "He is." Prime glanced up at Prowl who was gripping the railing as he watched the scene. Prowl noticed, then shifted to step behind Venture who was standing next to him to disappear from sight.
The arena erupted in laughter.
The kids gathered together to discuss in pointed detail what they'd discovered. Then they turned as one to Breakdown. "We think he's going to live," Sil said.
Breakdown smirked slightly. "Then we better get a stretcher."
All the kids put their scanners in their bags, then hot footed it for the tunnels to get one. As they did, they got a standing ovation.
Raptor who could finally stand up from laughing walked over to kneel beside Ratchet. "That was the funniest thing I ever saw. I can't wait to see what you do for the final game. You bring credit to your team and city, but discredit to everything else."
"Thanks. Coming from you, that means something, Micronus," Ratchet said with a smile. "I'm selling them in my Etsy store."
Huge laughter greeted that after a swift scan as all the kids came back bearing a stretcher. Two orderlies followed with grins as the kids set up, then looked at Ratchet.
Sil glanced at Coros. "We can hoist him like they taught us, then all of us can get him to the medic station. Okay?"
Everyone nodded. Then they arranged Ratchet, gripped his suit and began to hoist him. Some of them actually did. Dragging Ratchet to the stretcher was a sight to behold. Half his aft moved and the rest sort of stuck to the floor. The room became silent with wonder at the kids.
Ratchet looked like a broken marionette.
With grunting sounds and a pause to regroup and strategize, then managed to pull and push Ratchet onto the stretcher, then arrange his arms and legs. The orderlies who were having a hilarious laugh off line grabbed the ends while the kids took the sides. They hoisted, then walked across the arena with grim determination on their sweet faces.
The place nearly burst into flames.
=0=ESPN and CONSORTIUM Sports, The MCA
"WAAABWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!" -everyone there
=0=Every human habitat on world
"WAAABWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!"
=0=In the Primal Box
"WAAABWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!" -everyone but Ravel and Prowl
=0=Oh yeah … back to the game …
The refs watched Ratchet disappear, then debated penalizing Iacon for 'excessive fanboying'. Given that the crowd was entertained, they decided against it. Since Prime had the ball last, he was given the toss in, the slagger.
Prime walked to the line, noted his players and options, then jump balled the slagger into the hoop for the score.
Iacon Invaders, 5.
Polyhex Whoever They Ares, The Unlucky Slaggers Who Were Probably Going To Lose Spectacularly, 0.
The ball came back to the end zone and Polyhex took it in. There was furious play with much stealing before Raptor and a big mech named Pogo decided to slag it out. There was nothing better in Cybertronian sports than a good slag out between players.
Raptor and Pogo didn't finesse anything. They stood toe-to-toe and beat the crap out of the other. They did so with grins on their faces.
The refs stood to one side with the ball and chatted about a new take out place in Crater District 2 that had great tacos.
=0=Medic Station
The kids waited, some of them, to do the report to the group about whether Commander Ratchet 'would ever be the same mech again after all that'.
He was lying on a diagnostic berth plugged into everything as Breakdown worked on him. "What's the word, Breakdown? To the Matrix or not?" he asked with a chuckle.
"Not," Breakdown said with a grin. "That was the greatest thing I've ever seen."
"Well, I did it just for you," Ratchet said with a grin. He was already running his own stuff and mostly he was in great shape. A re-calibration of his gyros would be what it would take. He would guide Breakdown through it and three kids would know more than they did before when Ratchet finally sat up in his now wrecked udder suit. He would shuck it and stalk out to do 'cheer' once more.
It was his destiny, Prowl.
=0=On the floor
They slagged it out landing bone crushing blows before they both stopped, slapped servos and walked to their benches with grin. It came, it blew up, it blew away. But mostly it didn't blow. Both Raptor and Pogo knew how to fight servo-to-servo.
Half a dozen youngling kids would enlist in the Home Guard the next orn just in the arena alone.
"ALRIGHT, LADIES! LET'S PLAY BALL!" The ref tossed the ball to Polyhex and they tried it again. They wouldn't get any closer to a score but this time Prime and Pogo would trade blows toe-to-toe.
It was going to be a defensive and offensively defensive game.
=0=About the same time
Ratchet slipped back into the Primal Box in time to look down and see Prime slagging it out with a Man Mountain Dean that had skills. He grinned at the tense winger beside him.
"You alright?" Prowl asked as he gazed with laser optics at Optimus.
"FINE AND DANDY!" Ratchet said as Ravel stepped up on the bench, slapped his helm, then climbed down to stand with Tie who along with Appa Ratchet was still convulsing with laughter.
"HI, ADA! I LOVE YOU!" Ratchet called out with a gigantic smile.
Ravel frowned, then smirked slightly. "I will put you in the corner. SEE IF I DON'T!"
Ratchet and Ravel grinned at each other. Then they all turned back to the game aka slagfest going on below.
=0=Earth2
"Look at them," Kyle Davis said quietly.
"Yes, look at them. Prime is rated phase six himself. That other mech is no slacker but he's not in Prime's league. Few are, I'm told." Owen Harris mused on the sight of two titans battling it out with a screaming arena cheering them onward. "They're quite amazing. Advanced, complex, dangerous. We must never forget any of it, my friends."
No one in the room was prepared to do that. Not even Cameron Fraser.
=0=TBC 8-19-19
NOTES: For some reason, just hearing let along writing the f-word (fart) makes me want to poke out my eyes. Its been that way all my life. I even used a thesaurus to no avail. (gas, wind, vapors) :D
I think I got it from my mom. My sibs used to say it in front of her to watch her scream. LOL!